/vr£W  YOftK  } 


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e‘  Castoria  is  so  wtli  adapted  to  chil¬ 
dren  that  I  recommend  it  as  superior  to 
any  prescription  known  to  me. 

H.  A.  Archer,  M,  D.t 
hi  So.  Oxford  St.,  Brooklyn,  N.  Y. 


“  The  use  of  Castoria  is  so  universal 
and  its  merits  so  well  known  that  it 
seems  a  work  of  supererogation  to  en¬ 
dorse  it.  Few  are  the  intelligent  fami¬ 
lies  who  do  not  keep  CASTORIA  within 
easy  reach.”  Carlos  Martyn,  D.D., 
New  York  City. 

Late  Pastor  Bloomingdale  Reformed 
Church. 


Castoria  cures  Colic,  Constipation, 
Sour  Stomach,  Diarrhoea,  Eructation, 
Kills  Worms,  gives  sleep,  and  promotes 
digestion. 

Without  injurious  medication. 

u 


“  For  several  years  I  have  recommen¬ 
ded  your  Castoria,  a.id  shall  always 
continue  to  do  so  as  it  has  invariably- 
produced  beneficial  results.” 

Edwin  F.  Pardee,  M.  D., 
“The  Winthrop,”  125th  Street  and  7th 
Ave.,  New  York  City. 

Murray  Street,  New  York. 


The  Centaur  Co.,  77 


CD 

■J 

ftjj 


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THE  STRANGE  ADVENTURES 


OF 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS, 

0 


WHO  WAS 


A  SOLDIER,  A  PIRATE,  A  MERCHANT,  A  SPY,  A  SLAVE  AMONG 
THE  MOORS,  A  BASHAW  IN  THE  SERVICE  OF  THE  GREAT 
TURK,  AND  DIED  AT  LAST  IN  HIS  OWN  HOUSE 
IN  HANOVER  SQUARE. 


A  NARRATIVE  IN  PLAIN  ENGLISH 

ATTEMPTED  BY 

GEORGE  AUGUSTUS  SALA. 


NEW  YORK: 

GEORGE  MUNRO,  PUBLISHER, 


17  to  27  Vandewater  Street. 


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NOTE. 


I  have  to  state,  once  for  all,  that  for  the  '‘plain  English  ”  in 
which  I  have  attempted  to  write  this  story,  the  English  of  Swift, 
of  Pope,  of  Addison,  and  of  Steele,  has  not  been  adopted  as  a 
model.  Such  a  feat  of  elegant  pedantry  has  been  already  ad¬ 
mirably  accomplished  in  Mr.  Thackeray’s  noble  story  of  “Esmond;” 
and  I  have  no  wish  to  follow  up  a  successful  imitation  by  a  sorry 
caricature.  I  have  simply  endeavored  to  make  my  hero  write  as  a 
man  would  write  who  was  born  and  bred  in  the  early  part  of  the 
eighteenth  century,  whose  reading  had  been  confined  to  the  ordi¬ 
nary  newspapers  and  story-books  of  his  time,  and  who,  in  his  old 
age,  had  preserved  the  diction  of  his  youth.  The  Captain’s  orthog¬ 
raphy  has  been  modernized;  for  to  continue  through  nearly  four 
hundred  pages  spelling  “  pie  ”  “  pye,”  “  public  ”  “  publick,”  and 
“  tiger  ”  “  tyger,”  would  be  but  a  tiresome  trick,  keeping  up  no 
illusion,  and  of  which  the  reader  would  soon  sicken. 

G.  A.  S. 


%<Z3 

Sa  3i  s 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


CHAPTER  THE  FIRST. 


MINE  OWN  HOUSE. 


I,  John  Dangerous,  a  faithful  subject  of  his  Majesty  King 
George,  whose  bread,  God  bless  him!  I  ’have  eaten,  and  whose 
battles  I  have  fought,  in  my  poor  way,  am  now  in  my  sixty-eighth, 
year,  and  live  in  my  own  house  in  Hanover  Square.  By  virtue  of 
Several  commissions,  both  English  and  foreign,  I  have  a  right  to 
call  myself  Captain;  and  if  any  man  say  that  I  have  no  such  right, 
he  lies  and  deserves  the  stab.  It  may  be  that  this  narrative,  now 
composed  only  for  my  own  pleasure,  will,  long  after  my  death,  see 
the  light  in  print,  and  that  some  sham  Captain  or  sham  critic,  or 
pitiful  creature  of  that  kind,  will  question  my  rank,  or  otherwise 
despitefully  use  my  memory.  Let  such  gutter-bloods  venture  it  at 
their  peril.  I  have,  alas,  no  heirs  male;  but  to  my  daughter’s  hus¬ 
band,  and  to  his  descendants,  or,  failing  them,  to  their  executors, 
administrators,  and  assigns,  I  solemnly  commit  the  task  of  seeking 
out  such  envious  rogues,  and  of  kicking  and  cudgeling  them  on  the 
basest  part  of  their  base  bodies.  The  stab  I  forego;  I  wish  not  to 
cheat  the  hangman  of  his  due.  But  let  the  knaves  discover,  to  the 
aching  of  their  sorry  sides,  that  even  the  ghost  of  John  Dangerous 
is  not  to  be  trifled  with. 

There  is  a  knot  of  these  same  pestilent  persons  who  meet  at  a 
coffee-house  in  Great  Swallow  Street,  which  I  am  sometimes 
minded  to  frequent,  and  who  imagine  that  they  show  their  wit  and 
parts  by  reviling  their  Church  and  their  King,  and  even  by  malign¬ 
ing  the  Honorable  East  India  Company — a  corporation  to  which  I 
am  beholden  for  many  favors.  “  Fellow,”  I  said,  only  last  Satur¬ 
day,  to  a  whippersnapper  from  an  Inn  of  Court — a  Thing  I  would 
not  trust  to  defend  my  tom-cat  were  he  in  peril  at  the  Old  Bailey 
for  birdslaughter,  and  who  picks  up  a  wretched  livelihood,  I  am 
told,  by  writing  lampoons  against  his  betters  in  a  weekly  Review — • 


3 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


“  Fellow,”  I  said,  “  were  I  twenty  years  younger,  and  you  twenty 
years  older,  John  Dangerous  would  vouchsafe  to  pink  an  eyelet- 
hole  in  your  waistcoat.  Did  I  care  to  dabble  in  your  polite  con¬ 
versation  or  your  belles  letires  (of  which  I  knew  much  more  than 
ever  you  will  know  years  before  the  parish  was  at  pains  to  fix  your 
begetting  on  some  one),  I  would  answer  your  scurrilities  in  print; 
but  this  I  disdain,  sirrah,  Good  stout  ash  and  good  strong  Cordovan 
leather  are  the  things  fittest  to  meet  your  impertinencies  with;” 
and  so  I  held  out  my  foot,  and  shook  my  staff  at  the  coxcomb;  and 
he  was  so  civil  to  me  during  the  rest  of  the  evening  as  to  allow  me 
to  pay  his  .reckoning  for  him. 

The  chief  delight  I  derive  from  ending  my  days  in  Hanover 
Square  is  the  knowledge  that  the  house  is  mine  own.  I  bought  it 
with  the  fruit  of  mine  own  earnings,  mine  own  moneys — not  gotten 
from  grinding  the  faces  and  squeezing  the  vitals  of  the  poor,  but 
acquired  by  painful  and  skillful  industry,  and  increased  by  the 
lawful  spoil  of  war.  For  booty,  as  I  have  heard  a  great  commander 
say  in  Russia,  is  a  holy  thing.  I  have  not  disdained  to  gather 
moderate  riches  by  the  buying  and  selling  of  lawful  merchandise; 
albeit  I  always  looked  on  mere  commerce  and  barter  as  having 
something  of  the  peddling  and  huckstering  savor  in  them.  My 
notion  of  a  Merchant  is  that  of  a  Bold  Spirit  who  embarks  on  his 
own  venture  in  his  own  ship,  and  is  his  own  supercargo,  and  lias 
good  store  of  guns  and  Bold  Spirits  like  himself  on  board,  and  sails 
to  and  fro  on  the  High  Seas  whithersoever  he  pleases.  As  to  the 
color  of  the  flag  he  is  under,  what  matters  it  if  it  be  no  color  at  all, 
as  old  Robin  Roughhead  used  to  say  to  me — even  Black,  which  is 
the  negation  of  all  color?  So  I  have  traded  in  my  wa}*,  and  am  the 
better  by  some  thousands  of  pounds  for  my  trading,  now.  That 
much  of  my  wealth  has  its  origin  in  lawful  plunder  I  scorn  to  deny. 
If  you  slay  a  Spanish  Don  in  fair  fight,  and  the  Don  wears  jeweled 
i  ings  on  all  his  fingers,  and  carries  a  great  bag  of  moidores  in  his 
pocket,  are  you  to  leave  him  on  the  field,  prithee,  or  gently  ease 
him  of  his  valuables?  Can  the  crows  eat  his  finery  as  well  as  his 
carcass?  If  1  find  a  ship  full  of  golden  doubloons  and  silver 
candlesticks  destined  for  the  chapel  of  St.  Jago  de  Compostella,  am 
I  to  scuttle  the  ship  and  let  her  go  down  with  all  these  good  things 
on  board;  or  am  I  to  convey  them  to  mine  own  lockers,  giving  to 
each  of  my  valiant  comrades  his  just  and  proper  share?  The  Gov¬ 
ernor  of  Carthagena  will  never  get  the  doubloons,  St.  Jago  of  Com¬ 
postella  will  never  see  his  candlesticks;  why  should  not  I  and  my 
Brave  Hearts  enjoy  them  instead  of  the  fishes  and  the  mermaids? 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


9 

They  have  coral  enough  clown  there,  I  trow;  what  do  they  want 
with  candlesticks?  If  they  lack  further  ornament  there  are  pearls 
now  to  be  had  out  of  the  oysters — unless  there  be  lawyers  down 
below — ay,  and  pearls,  too,  in  dead  men’s  skulls,  and  emerald  and 
diamond  rings  on  skeleton  hands,  among  the  sea- weed,  sand,  and 
the  many-colored  pebbles  of  the  great  Deep. 

There  are  those  who  call  me  an  old  Pirate.  Let  them.  I  was 
never  in  trouble  with  the  Admiralty  Court.  I  can  pass  Execution 
Dock  without  turning  pale.  And  no  one  can  gainsay  me  when  I 
aver  that  I  have  faithfully  served  his  Majesty  King  George,  and 
was  always  a  true  friend  to  the  Protestant  succession? 

There  has  been  a  mighty  talk,  too,  about  my  turning  Turk. 
"Why  should  not  I,  if  I  could  not  help  it?  I  never  turned  my  coat, 
as  some  tine  gentlemen  who  have  never,  been  to  Constantinople 
have  done.  I  never  changed  my  principles,  although  I  was  a 
Bashaw  with  three  tails.  Better  to  have  three  tails  than  to  be  a  rat 
with  only  one.  And,  let  me  tell  you,  it  is  a  mighty  line  thing  to  be 
a  Bashaw,  and  to  have  as  many  purses  full  of  sequins  as  there  are 
days  in  the  year. 

I  should  have  been  hanged  long  ago,  should  I — hanged  for  a 
Pirate,  a  Spy,  and  a  Renegade?  Well,  I  have  escaped  the  bow- 
stiing  in  a  country  where  hundreds  die  of  sore  throat  every  day, 
and  I  can  afford  to  laugh  at  any  prospect  of  the  halter  in  mine  old 
age.  Sword  of  Damocles  forsooth!  why  my  life  has  been  hanging 
on  a  cobweb  any  time  these  fifty  years;  and  here  I  am  at  sixty-eight 
safe  and  sound,  with  a  whole  liver  and  a  stout  heart,  and  a  bottle 
of  wine  to  give  a  friend,  and  a  house  of  mine  own  in  Hanover 
Square. 

I  write  this  in  the  great  front  parlor,  which  I  have  converted  into 
a  library,  study,  and  counting-room.  The  year  of  our  Lord  is 
seventeen  hundred  and  eighty.  His  Majesty’s  subjects  have  lost 
eleven  days — through  some  roguery  in  high  places,  you  may  be  sure 
— since  I  was  a  young  man;  and  were  I  a  curmudgeon,  I  might 
grudge  that  snipping  off  of  the  best  part  of  a  fortnight  from  an  old 
man’s  life.  It  may  be,  indeed,  that  Providence,  who  has  always 
been  good  to  me,  will  add  eleven  days — yea,  and  twice  eleven — to 
the  span  of  poor  old  John  Dangerous.  I  have  many  mercies  to  be 
thankful  for;  of  sins  likewise,  and  grievous  ones,  there  may  be  a 
long  list  that  I  shall  have  to  account  for;  but  I  can  say  that  I  never 
killed  a  man  in  cold  blood,  that  I  never  willfully  wronged  a  woman, 
so  long  as  she  was  not  obstinate,  that  I  never  spake  an  unkind 
word  to  a  child,  that  I  always  gave  freely  from  that  which  I  got 


10 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


freely,  and  never  took  from  liim  who  had  little,  and  that  I  was  al¬ 
ways  civil  to  the  clergy.  Yet  Dr.  Dubiety  of  St.  George’s  tells 
me  that  I  have  been  a  great  sinner,  and  bids  me,  now,  to  lepent  of 
my  evil  ways.  Dr.  Dubiety  is  in  the  right,  no  doubt — how  could  a 
Doctor  of  Divinity  be  ever  in  the  wrong? — but  I  can’t  see  that  I  am 
so  much  worse  than  other  folks.  I  should  be  in  better  case,  per- 
haps,  if  these  eyes  stood  wider  open.  I  confess  that  I  have  killed 
many  men  with  powder  and  lead,  and  the  sharp  sword;  but  then, 
had  I  not  shot  or  stabbed  them,  the}'’  would  surely  have  shot  or 
stabbed  me.  And  are  not  his  Majesty’s  fellow- subjects  shooting 
and  stabbing  one  another  at  this  instant  moment*  in  the  American 
plantations?  No;  1  always  fought  fair,  and  never  refused  quarter 
when  mine  enemy  threw  up  his  point;  nor,  unless  a  foeman’s  death 
were  required  for  lawful  reprisals,  did  I  ever  refuse  moderate 
ransom. 

There  may  be  some  things  belonging  to  my  worldly  store  that 
trouble  me  a  little  in  the  night  season.  Should  I  have  given  St. 
Jago  de  Compostella’s  candlesticks  to  Westminster  Abbey?  Why, 
Surely,  the  Dean  and  Chapter  are  rich  enough.  But  I  declare  that 
I  had  neither  act  nor  part  in  applying  the  thumbscrews  to  the 
Spanish  captain,  and  subjecting  the  boatswain  and  his  mate  to  the 
ordeal  of  flogging  and  pickling.  ’Twas  not  I,  but  Matcham,  who 
is  dead,  that  caused  the  carpenter  to  be  carbonadoed,  and  the  Scotch 
purser  to  walk  the  plank.  Those  were,  I  grant,  deeds  worthy  of 
Blackbeard;  but  I  had  naught  to  do  with  them.  John  Dangerous 
has  suffered  too  many  tortures  in  the  dungeons  of  the  Portuguese 
Inquisition  to  think  of  torturing  his  fellow-creatures.  Then,  as  to 
what  became  of  Dona  Estella.  I  declare  that  I  did  my  best  to  save 
that  unhappy  lady.  I  entreated,  I  protested;  but  in  vain.  None 
of  that  guilt  lies  at  my  door;  and  in  the  crime  of  him  who  roasted 
the  Bishop,  and  cut  off  the  Franciscan  Monk’s  great  toes,  X  have  no 
share.  Let  every  man  answer  for  his  own  deeds.  When  I  went 
the  Middle  Passage,  I  tried  to  keep  the  slaves  alive  as  long  as  I 
could.  When  they  died,  what  was  there  to  do  but  to  fling  them 
overboard?  Should  I  not  have  done  the  same  by  white  men?  I 
was  not  one  of  those  cruel  Guinea  captains  who  kept  the  living 
and  the  dead  chained  together.  I  defy  any  one  to  prove  it. 

And  all  this  bald  chat  about  sacking  towns  and  gutting  convents? 
War  is  war  all  the  world  over;  and  if  you  take  a  town  by  assault, 
Why  of  course  you  must  sack  it.  As  to  gutting  convents,  ’tis  a 

C  *  1780. 


CAPTAIN  DANCtEKOUS. 


11 


mercy  1o  let  some  pure  air  into  the  close,  stifling  places;  and,  of  a 
surety,  an  act  of  charity  to  let  the  poor  captive  nuns  out  for  a  holi¬ 
day.  Reverend  Superiors,  holy  Sisters,  I  never  did  ye  any  harm. 
You  can  not  torment  me  in  the  night.  Your  pale  faces  and  shad¬ 
owy  forms  have  no  need  to  gather  round  the  bed  of  John  Danger¬ 
ous.  Take,  for  Pity’s  sake,  those  Eyes  away.  But  no  more. 
These  thoughts  drive  me  mad. 

I  am  not  alone  in  my  house.  My  daughter,  my  beloved  Lilias, 
my  only  and  most  cherished  child,  the  child  of  my  old  age,  the 
legacy  of  the.  departed  Saint  her  mother,  lives  with  me.  Bless  her! 
she  believes  not  a  word  of  the  lies  that  are  whispered  of  her  old 
father.  If  she  were  to  be  told  a  tithe  of  them  she  would  grieve 
sorely;  but  she  holds  no  converse  with  slanderers  and  those  who 
wag  their  tongues  and  say  so  and  so  of  such  a  one.  She  knows 
that  my  life  has  been  wild,  and  stormy,  and  dangerous  as  my 
name;  but  she  knows  that  it  has  also  been  one  of  valor,  and  honesty 
and  honor.  St.  Jago  de  Compostella’s  candlesticks  never  went  to¬ 
ward  her  schooling,  pretty  creature!  My  share  from  the  gold  in 
the  scuttled  ship  never  helped  to  furnish  forth  her  dowry.  Lilias 
is  my  joy,  my  comfort,  my  stay,  my  merciful  consolation  for  the 
loss  of  that  good  and  perfect  Woman  her  mother.  Dear  heart!  she 
has  never  been  crossed  in  love,  never  known  Love’s  sorrows,  angers, 
disappointments,  and  despair.  She  was  married  at  twenty  years 
of  age  to  the  man  of  her  choice;  and  I  am  delighted  to  know  that  I 
never  interfered,  by  word  or  by  deed,  with  the  progress  of  her 
wooing;  that  he  to  whom  she  is  wTedded  is  one  of  the  worthiest  of 
youths;  and  that  Heaven  has  blessed  me  with  the  means  to  enable 
him  to  maintain  the  state  and  figure  of  a  gentleman. 

Thus,  although  comfort  and  quiet  are  the  things  I  chiefly  desire 
after  the  bustle  and  turmoil  of  a  tempest-tossed  life,  and  the  pleas¬ 
ure  I  take  in  the  gayeties  of  the  town  is  but  small,  it  cheers  me  to 
see  my  Son  and  Daughter  enjoying  themselves,  as  those  who  have 
youth  and  health  and  an  unclouded  conscience  are  warranted  in 
doing,  and,  indeed,  called  upon  to  do.  I  like  them  on  Sundays  and 
holidays  to  come  to  church  at  St.  George’s,  and  sit  under  Dr, 
Dubiety,  where  I,  as  a  little  lad,  sat  many  and  many  a  time,  more 
than  fifty  years  ago;  but  my  house  is  no  conventicle,  and  on  all 
week-days  and  lawful  occasions  my  family  is  privileged  to  partake 
to  their  heart’s  content  of  innocent  and  permitted  amusements.  I 
never  set  my  face  against  a  visit  to  the  play-house  or  to  the  concert- 
room;  although  to  me,  who  can  remember  the  most  famous  players 
and  singers  of  Europe,  the  King’s  Theater  and  the  Rotunda,  and 


12 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


even  Drury  Lane,  are  very  tame  places,  tilled  with  very  foolish 
folk.  But  they  please  the  young  people,  and  that  is  enough  for 
me.  Nor  to  an  occasional  junketing  at  Yauxhall  do  I  ever  object. 
’Tis  true  I  have  seen  Ranelagh  and  Marylebone  and  Belsize,  to  say 
nothing  of  the  chief  continental  Tivolis,  Spas,  Lustgardens,  and 
other  places  of  resort  of  the  Great;  but  tiddlers  are  tiddlers,  and 
colored  lamps  are  colored  lamps  all  the  world  over,  I  suppose;  and 
my  children  have  as  much  delight  in  gazing  on  these  brilliant 
follies  now  as  I  had  when  I  and  the  eighteenth  century  were  young. 
Only  against  masquerades  and  faro-tables,  as  likewise  against  the 
pernicious  game  of  E.  O.,  do  I  sternly  set  my  face,  deeming  them 
as  wholly  wicked,  carnal,  and  unprofitable,  and  leading  directly  to 
perdition. 

It  rejoices  me  much  that  my  son,  or  rather  son-in-law — but  I  love 
to  call  him  by  the  more  affectionate  name — is  in  no  wise  addicted 
to  dicing,  or  horse-racing,  or  cock-fighting,  or  any  of  those  sinful 
and  riotous  courses  to  which  so  many  of  our  genteel  youth — even 
to  those  of  the  first  quality — devote  themselves.  He  is  no  Puritan; 
but  he  has  a  proper  sense  of  what  is  due  to  the  honor  and  decency 
of  his  family,  and  refrains  from  soiling  them  among  the  profligate 
crew  to  be  met  with,  not  alone  at  Newmarket,  or  at  the  Dog  and 
Duck,  but  in  Pall  Mall,  and  in  the  very  antechambers  of  St. 
James’s.  He  rides  his  hackney,  as  a  gentleman  should,  nor  have  I 
prohibited  him  from  occasionally  taking  my  Lilias  an  airing  in  a 
neat  curricle;  but  lie  is  no  better  on  the  turf,  no  comrade  of  jockeys 
and  stablemen,  no  patron  of  bruisers  and  those  that  handle  the 
backsword.  I  would  disinherit  him  were  I  to  suspect  him  of  such 
practices,  or  of  an  over-fondness  for  the  bottle,  or  of  a  passion  for 
cards.  He  hunts  sometimes,  and  fishes  and  shoots,  and  he  has  a 
pretty  fancy  for  the  making  of  salmon-flies,  in  the  which  pursuit, 
I  conclude,  there  is  much  ingenuity,  and  no  manner  of  harm,  fish 
being  given  to  us  for  food,  and  the  devising  how  best  to  snare  the 
creatures  entirely  lawful. 

Lilias  Dangerous  has  been  wedded  to  Edward  Marriner  these  two 
years.  It  was  at  first  my  design  to  buy  the  youth  a  pair  of  colors, 
and  to  let  him  see  the  world  and  the  usagea  of  lawful  warfare  for  a 
year  or  two;  but  my  Lilias  could  not  bear  the  thought  of  her  young 
Ensign’s  coming  home  without  an  arm  or  a  leg,  or  perchance  being- 
slain  in  some  desperate  conflict  with  savage  Indians,  or  scarcely  less 
savage  Americans;  and  I  did  not  press  my  plan  of  giving  Edward 
for  a  time  to  the  service  of  the  King.  He,  I  am  bound  to  say,  was 
eager  to  take  up  a  commission;  but  the  tears  and  entreaties  of  my 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


13 


Daughter,  who  thinks  War  the  wickedest  of  crimes,  and  the  shed¬ 
ding  of  human  blood  a  wholly  unpardonable  thing,  prevailed.  So 
they  were  married,  and  are  happy;  and  I  am  sure  now,  that  were 
I  to  lose  either  of  them,  it  would  break  the  old  man’s  heart. 

My  Lilias  is  tall  and  slender,  her  skin  is  veiy  white,  her  hair  a 
rich  brown,  her  eyes  very  large  and  clear  and  blue.  But  that  I  am 
too  old  to  be  vain,  I  might  be  twitted  with  conceit  when  I  state  that 
she  holds  these  advantages  of  person  less  from  her  Mother  than 
from  myself,  her  loving  father.  Not  that  I  was  so  comely  in  my 
young  days;  but  my  Grandmother  before  me  was  of  the  same  fair 
Image  that  I  so  delight  to  look  upon  in  Lilias.  She  was  tall,  and 
white,  and  brown-haired,  and  blue-eyed.  She  had  Lilias’s  small 
and  exquisitely  fashioned  hands  and  feet,  or  rather  Lilias  has  hers. 
To  me  these  features  were  only  transmitted  in  a  meaner  degree.  I 
was  a  big-boned  lusty  lad,  with  flowing  brown  locks,  an  unfreckled 
skin,  and  an  open  eye;  but  my  Grandmother’s  face  and  form  have 
renewed  themselves  in  my  child.  At  twenty  she  is  as  beautiful  as 
her  Great-grandmother  must  have  been  at  twenty,  as  I  am  told  and 
know  that  Lady  was,  albeit  when  I  remember  her  she  was  nearly 
ninety  years  of  age. 

Yes;  Lilias’s  eye  are  very  blue;  but  they  are  always  soft  and 
tender  and  pitiful  in  their  glance.  Her  Great-grandmother’s  had, 
when  she  was  moved,  a  strange  wild  look  that  awed  and  terrified 
the  beholders.  Only  once  in  the  life  of  my  Lilias,  when  she  was 
very  young,  and  on  the  question  of  some  loy  or  sweetmeat  which 
my  departed  Saint  had  denied  her,  did  I  notice  that  terrible  look  in 
her  blue  eyes.  My  wife,  who,  albeit  the  most  merciful  soul  alive, 
ever  maintained  strict  discipline  in  her  family,  would  have  cor¬ 
rected  the  child  for  what  she  set  down  as  flat  mutiny  and  rebellion ; 
but  I  stayed  her  chastening  hand,  and  bade  the  young  girl  walk 
awhile  in  the  garden  until  her  heat  was  abated;  and  as  she  went 
away,  her  little  breast  heaving,  her  little  hands  clinched,  and  the 
terrible  look  darting  out  on  me  through  the  silken  tangles  of  her 
dear  hair,  I  shuddered,  and  said,  “  Wife  of  mine,  our  Lilias’s  look  is 
one  she  can  not  help.  It  comes  from  Me,  you  may  have  seen  it, 
fiercer  and  fiercer  in  mine  own  eyes;  and  she,  whom  of  all  women 
I  loved  and  venerate,  looked  thus  when  anger  overcame  her.  And 
though  I  never  knew  my  own  dear  Mother,  she,  or  I  greatly  mis¬ 
take,  must  have  had  that  look  in  hers  likewise.” 

I  thank  Heaven  that  those  pure  blue  waters,  limpid  and  bright, 
in  my  Lilias’s  eyes  were  nevermore  ruffled  by  that  storm.  As  she 
grew  up  their  expression  became  even  softer  and  kinder,  and  she 


14 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


never  ceased  from  being  in  the  likeness  of  an  Angel.  She  looks 
like  one  now,  and  will  be  one,  I  trust,  some  day,  Above,  where  she 
can  pray  for  her  danger- worn  old  sire. 

My  own  wife  (whose  name  was  Lilias,  too)  was  a  merry,  plump, 
ruddy-skinned  little  woman — a  very  baby  in  these  strong  arms  of 
mine.  She  had  laughing  black  eyes,  and  coal-black  tresses,  and 
lips  which  were  always  at  vintage-time.  Although  her  only  child 
takes  after  me,  not  her,  in  face  and  carriage,  in  all  things  else  she 
resembles  my  Saint.  She  is  as  merry,  as  light-hearted,  as  pure  and 
good,  as  she  was.  She  has  the  same  humble,  pious  Faith;  the 
same  strong,  stern  will  of  abiding  by  Right;  the  same  hearty,  out¬ 
spoken  hatred  of  Wrong,  abhorrence  of  Wrong.  She  has  the  same 
patience,  cheerfulness,  and  obedience  in  her  behavior  to  those  "who 
are  set  in  authority  over  her;  and  if  I  am  by  times  angered,  or 
peevish,  or  moody,  she  bears  with  my  infirmities  in  the  same  meek, 
loving,  and  forgiving  spirit.  She  has  her  Mother’s  grace,  her 
Mother’s  voice,  her  Mother’s  ringing  voice.  She  has  her  Mother’s 
infinite  care  of  and  benevolence  to  the  poor  and  needy.  She  has 
her  Mother’s  love  for  merry  sports  and  innocent  romps.  Like  my 
departed  Saint,  she  has  an  exquisitely  neat  and  quick  hand  for 
making  pastries  and  marchpanes,  possets  and  sugared  tankards; 
and  like  her  she  plays  excellently  on  the  harpsichords. 

Thus,  in  a  quiet  comfort  and  competence,  in  the  love  of  my  chil¬ 
dren,  and  in  the  King’s  peace,  these  my  latter  days  are  gliding 
away.  I  am  somewhat  troubled  with  gout  and  twitching  pains, 
and  fullness  of  humors,  with  other  old  men’s  ailments;  and  I  do 
not  sleep  well  o’  nights  owing  to  vexatious  dreams  and  visions,  to 
abate  which  I  am  sometimes  let  blood;  but  beyond  these  cares — 
and  who  hath  not  his  cares? — Captain  John  Dangerous,  of  number 
One  Hundred  Hanover  Square,  is  a  happy  man. 


CHAPTER  THE  SECOND. 

THE  HISTORY  OF  AN  UNKNOWN  LADY,  WHO  CAME  FROM  DOVER 

IN  A  COACH-AND-SIX. 

In  the  winter  of  the  year  1720,  died  in  her  house  in  Hanover 
Square — the  very  one  in  which  I  am  now  finishing  my  life — an 
Unknown  Lady  nearly  ninety  years  of  age.  The  mansion  was  pre¬ 
sumed  to  be  her  own,  and  it  was  as  much  hers  as  it  is  mine  now; 
but  the  reputed  landlord  was  one  Dr.  Vigors,  a  physician  of  the 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


15 


College  in  Warwick  Lane,  in  whose  name  the  lease  ran,  who  was 
duly  rated  to  the  poor  as  tenant,  and  whose  patient  the  Unknown 
Lady  was  given  out  to  be.  But  when  Dr.  Vigors  came  to  Hanover 
Square  it  was  not  as  a  Master,  but  as  the  humblest  of  servants;  and 
no  tradesman,  constable,  maid,  or  lackey  about  the  house  or  neigh¬ 
borhood  wculd  have  ventured  for  his  or  her  life  to  question  that, 
from  cellar  to  roof,  every  inch  of  the  house  belonged  to  the  Un¬ 
known  Lady.  The  vulgar  held  her  in  a  kind  of  awe,  and  spoke  of 
her  as  the  Lady  in  Diamonds;  for  she  always  wore  a  number  of 
those  precious  gems,  in  rings,  bracelets,  stomachers,  and  the  like. 
The  gentlefolks,  of  whom  many  wTaited  upon  her,  from  her  first 
coming  hither  unto  her  death,  asked  for  “  my  Lady,”  and  nothing 
more.  It  was  in  the  year  1714  that  she  first  arrived  in  London, 
coming  late  at  night  from  Dover,  in  a  coach- and-six,  and  bringing 
with  her  one  Mr.  Cadwallader,  a  person  of  a  spare  habit  and  great 
gravity  of  countenance,  as  her  steward;  one  Mistress  Haney  Tal- 
masli,  as  her  waiting- woman;  and  a  foreign  person  of  a  dark  and 
forbidding  mien,  who  was  said  to  be  her  chaplain.  In  the  follow¬ 
ing  year,  and  during  the  unhappy  troubles  in  Scotland  arising  out 
of  the  treasons  of  the  Earl  of  Mar,  and  other  Scots  Lords,  one  of  his 
Majesty’s  messengers  came  for  the  foreign  person,  and  conveyed 
him  in  a  coach  to  the  Cockpit  at  Whitehall;  while  another  mes¬ 
senger  took  up  his  abode  in  the  house  at  Hanover  Square,  lying  in 
the  second  best  bed-chamber,  and  having  his  table  apart  for  a  whole 
week.  From  these  circumstances  it  was  rumored  that  the  Unknown 
Lady  was  a  Papist  and  Jacobite;  that  the  priest,  her  confederate, 
was  bound  for  Newgate,  and  would  doubtless  make  an  end  of  it  at 
Tyburn;  and  that  the  Lady  herself  would  be  before  many  days 
clapped  up  in  the  Tower.  But  Signor  Casagiotti,  the  Venetian 
envoy,  claimed  the  foreign  person  and  obtained  his  release;  and  it 
was  said  that  one  of  the  great  lords  of  the  council  came  himself  to 
Hanover  Square  to  take  the  examination  of  the  Unknown  Lady, 
and  was  so  wTell  satisfied  with  the  speech  he  had  with  her  as  to  dis¬ 
charge  her  then  and  there  from  custody — if,  indeed,  she  had  ever 
been  under  any  kind  of  durance — and  promise  her  the  King  and 
Minister’s  protection  for  the  future.  The  foreign  person  was 
suffered  to  return,  and  tlienceforward  was  addressed  as  Father  Rud- 
dlestone,  as  though  he  had  some  license  bearing  him  harmless  from 
the  penalties  which  then  weighed  upon  recusant  persons.  And  I 
am  given  to  understand  that,  on  the  evening  of  his  enlargement, 
the  same  great  Lord,  being  addressed  in  a  jocular  manner  at  the 
coffee-house  by  a  person  of  honor,  and  asked  if  he  had  not  caught 


16 


CAPTAIN  DANGEKOUS. 


tlie  Pope,  the  Devil,  and  ilie  Pretender  in  petticoats  and  diamonds 
somewhere  in  St.  George’s  parish,  very  gravely  made  answer,  that 
some  degrees  of  loyalty  were  like  gold,  which  were  all  the  better 
for  being  tried  in  the  furnace,  and  that,  although  there  had  once 
been  a  King  James,  and  there  was  now  a  King  George,  the  lady, 
of  whom  perhaps  that  gentleman  was  minded  to  speak,  had  done  a 
notable  Thing  before  he  was  born,  which  entitled  her  to  the  eternal 
gratitude  of  Kings. 

Although  so  old  on  her  first  coming  to  Hanover  Square,  and 
dwelling  in  it  until  her  waiting- woman  avowed  that  she  was  close 
on  her  ninetieth  year,  the  Unknown  Lady  preserved  her  faculties 
in  a  surprising  manner,  and  till  within  a  few  days  of  her  passing 
away  went  about  her  house,  took  the  air  from  time  to  time  in  her 
coach,  or  in  a  chair,  and  received  company.  The  very  highest  per¬ 
sons  of  Quality  sought  her,  and  appeared  to  take  pleasure  in  her 
company.  To  Court,  indeed,  she  never  went;  but  she  was  visited 
more  than  once  by  an  illustrious  Prince;  and  many  great  nobles 
likewise  waited  upon  her  in  their  Birthday  suits.  On  Birthniglits 
there  was  Play  in  the  great  drawing-room,  where  nothing  but  gold 
was  permitted  to  be  staked. 

Credible  persons  have  described  her  to  me  as  being — in  the  ex- 
tremest  sunset  of  her  life,  when  the  very  fray  and  fringe  of  her  gar¬ 
ment  were  come  to,  and  no  more  stuff  remained  wherewith  to  piece 
it — a  person  of  signal  beauty.  She  was  of  commanding  stature, 
stooped  very  little,  albeit  she  made  use  of  a  crutch-stick  in  walking, 
and  had  a  carriage  full  of  graciousness,  yet  of  somewhat  austere 
Dignity.  No  portion  of  her  hair  was  visible  under  the  thick  folds 
of  muslin  and  point  of  Alengon  which  covered  her  head,  and  were 
themselves  half  hidden  by  a  hood  of  black  Paduasoy;  but  in  a  glass- 
case  in  her  cabinet,  among  other  relics  of  which  I  may  have  pres¬ 
ently  to  speak,  she  kept  a  quantity  of  the  most  beauteous  chestnut 
tresses  ever  beheld.  “  These  were  my  love-locks,  child,”  I  remem¬ 
ber  her  saying  to  me  once.  I  am  ashamed  to  confess  that,  during 
my  brief  commerce  witn  her,  the  dress  she  wore,  which  was  com¬ 
monly  of  black  velvet,  and  the  diamonds  which  glittered  on  her 
hands  and  arms  and  bosom  impressed  themselves  far  more  forcibly 
on  my  memory  than  her  face,  which  I  have  since  been  told  was 
Beautiful.  My  informant  bears  witness  that  her  eyes  were  Blue,  and 
of  an  exceeding  brightness,  sometimes  quite  terrible  to  look  upon, 
although  tempered  at  most  times  by  a  sweet  mildness;  yet  there 
were  seasons  when  this  brightness,  as  that  of  the  Sun  in  a  wholly 
cloudless  sky,  became  fierce,  and  burned  up  him  who  beheld  it. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


17 


Time  had  been  so  long  a  husbandman  of  her  fair  demesne,  had 
reaped  so  many  crops  of  smiles  and  tears  from  that  comely  visage, 
that  it  were  a  baseness  to  infer  that  no  traces  of  his  husbandry  ap¬ 
peared  on  her  once  smooth  and  silken  flesh,  for  the  adornment  of 
which  she  had  ever  disdained  the  use  of  essences  and  unguents. 
H.  et  I  am  told  that  her  wrinkles  and  creases,  although  manifold,, 
were  not  harsh  or  rugged;  and  that  her  face  might  be  likened  rather 
to  a  billet  of  love  written  on  fair  white  vellum,  that  had  been  some¬ 
what  crumpled  by  the  hand  of  him  who  hates  Youth  and  Love,* 
than  to  some  musty  old  conveyance  or  mortgage-deed  scrabbled  on 
yellow,  damp-stained,  rat- gnawed  parchment.  Her  hands  and  neck 
were  to  the  last  of  an  amazing  whiteness.  The  former,  as  were  also 
her  feet,  very  small  and  delicate.  Her  speech  when  moved  was- 
quick,  and  she  spoke  as  one  accustomed  to  be  obeyed;  but  at  most 
seasons  her  bearing  toward  her  domestics  was  infinitely  kind  and 
tender.  Toward  the  foreign  person,  her  chaplain,  she  always  bore 
herself  with  edifying  meekness.  She  was  cheerful  in  company,  full 
of  ready  wit,  of  great  shrewdness,  discretion,  and  observation;  could 
discourse  to  admiration  of  foreign  cities  and  persons  of  renown, 
even  to  Kings  and  Princes,  whom  she  had  seen  and  known;  and  was 
well  qualified  to  speak  on  public  affairs,  although  she  seldom 
deigned  to  concern  herself  with  the  furious  madness  of  Party.  Mere 
idle  prattle  of  operas,  and  play- books,  and  auctions,  and  the  like, 
were  extremely  distasteful  to  her;  and  although  at  that  time  a 
shameful  looseness  of  manners  and  conversation  obtained  even 
among  the  Greatest  persons  in  the  land,  she  would  never  suffer  any 
evil  or  immodest  talk  to  be  held  in  her  presence;  and  those  who 
wished  to  learn  aught  of  the  wickedness  of  the  town  and  the  scan¬ 
dals  of  High  Life  were  fain  to  go  elsewhere  for  their  gossip. 

I  have  said  that  her  dress  was  to  me  the  chief  point  of  notice,  and 
is  that  of  which  I  retain  the  keenest  remembrance.  Her  diamonds 
indeed,  had  over  me  that  strange  fascination  which  serpents  are 
said  to  have  over  birds;  and  I  would  sit  with  my  little  mouth  all 
agape,  and  my  eyes  fixed  and  staring,  until  they  grew  dazed,  and  I 
was  frightened  at  the  solemn  twinkling  of  those  many  gems.  In 
my  absurd  child- way,  it  was  to  my  fancy  as  though  the  Lady  were 
some  great  altar  or  hearse  of  state  in  a  church,  and  her  Jewels  so 
many  Lamps  kindled  about  her,  and  to  be  kept  alive  forever.  She 
robed  habitually,  as  I  have  said,  in  Black  Velvet;  but  on  Birth- 
nights,  when  more  company  than  usual  came,  and  there  was  play 
in  the  great  drawing-room,  she  would  wear  a  sack  of  sad- colored 
satin;  while,  which  was  stranger  still,  on  the  thirtieth  day  of  Jan- 


18 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


nary  in  every  year,  at  least  so  long  as  I  can  keep  it  in  mind,  she 
wore  her  sable  dress;  not  her  ordinary  one,  but  a  fuller  garment, 
which  had  bows  of  Crimson  Ribbon  down  the  front  and  at  the 
sleeves,  and  a  great  Crimson  Scarf  over  the  right  shoulder,  so  as  to 
come  crosswise  over  her  Heart.  And  on  the  day  she  made  this 
change  she  wore  no  diamonds,  but  Rubies  in  great  number,  and  of 
great  size.  On  that  day,  also,  we  kept  an  almost  entire  fast,  and 
from  morning  to  night  I  had  nothing  but  a  little  cake  and  a  glass 
of  Red  wine.  From  sunrise  to  sunset  the  Lady  sat  in  her  cabinet 
among  her  relics;  and  I  was  bidden  to  sit  over  against  her  on  a  lit¬ 
tle  stool.  She  would  talk  much,  and,  as  it  seemed  to  me  wildly,  in 
a  language  which  I  could  not  understand,  going  toward  her  relics 
and  touching  them  in  a  strange  manner.  Then  she  would  say  to 
me,  with  a  sternness  that  chilled  the  marrow  in  my  bones,  “  Child, 
Remember  the  Hay;  Remember  the  Thirtieth  of  January.”  And 
she  would  often  repeat  that  word,  “Remember,”  rocking  herself 
to  and  fro.  And  more  than  once  she  would  say,  “  Blood  for  blood.” 
Then  Mistress  Talmash  would  enter  and  essay  to  soothe  her,  telling 
lier  that  what  was  past  was  past,  and  could  not  be  undone.  Then 
she  would  take  out  a  great  Prayer-Book  bound  in  red  leather,  and 
which  had  this  strange  device  embossed  in  gold,  on  either  cover, 


and  in  a  solemn  voice  read  out  long  passages,  which  I  afterward 
learned  were  from  that  service  holden  on  the  anniversary  of  the 
martyrdom  of  King  Charles  the  First.  She  would  go  on  to  read 
the  Ritual  for  the  King’s  Touching  for  the  Evil,  now  expunged 
from  our  Book  of  Common  Prayer;  and  then  Mistress  Talmash 
would  pray  her  to  read  the  joyful  prayers  for  the  twenty-ninth  of 
May,  the  date  of  the  happy  restoration  of  King  Charles  the  Second. 
But  that  she  would  seldom  do,  murmuring,  “  I  dare  not,  I  dare 
not.  Tell  not  Father  Ruddlestone.”  All  these  things  were  very 


CAPTAIN-  DANGEROUS. 


19 


strange  to  me;  but  I  grew  accustomed  to  them  in  time.  And  there 
seems  to  be  an  immensity  of  time  passing  to  a  solitary  child  between 
his  first  beginning  to  remember  and  his  coming  to  eight  years  of 
age. 

There  is  one  thing  that  I  must  mention  before  this  Lady  ceases  to 
be  Unknown  to  the  reader.  She  was  afflicted  with  a  continual 
trembling  of  the  entire  frame.  She  was  no  paralytic,  for  to  the 
very  end  she  could  take  her  food  and  medicine  without  assistance; 
but  she  shook  always  like  a  very  aspen.  It  had  to  do  with  her 
nerves,  I  suppose;  and  it  was  perhaps  for  that  cause  she  was  at¬ 
tended  for  so  many  years  by  Dr.  Vigors;  but  he  never  did  her  any 
good  iji  that  wise;  and  the  whole  College  of  Warwick  Lane  would, 
I  doubt  not,  have,  failed  signally  had  they  attempted  her  cure. 
Often  I  asked  Mistress  Talmash  why  the  Lady — for  until  her  death 
I  knew  of  no  other  name  whereby  to  call  her — shook  so;  but  the 
waiting- woman  would  chide  me,  and  say  that  if  I  asked  questions 
she  would  Shake  me.  So  that  I  forbore. 

Ours  was  a  strange  and  solemn  household.  All  was  stately  and 
well  ordered,  and — when  company  came — splendid;  but  the  house 
always  seemed  to  be  much  gloomier  than  the  great  parish-church, 
whither  I  was  taken  every  Sunday  morning  on  the  shoulder  of  a 
tall  footman,  and  shut  up  alone  in  a  great  Pew  lined  with  scarlet 
baize,  and  where  I  felt  very  much  like  a  little  child  that  was  lost  in 
the  midst  of  the  Red  Sea.  Far  over  my  head  hung  a  gallery  full 
of  the  children  of  Lady  Viellcastel’s  charity  school;  and  these,  both 
boys  and  girls,  -would  make  grimaces  at  me  while  the  Psalms  were 
being  sung,  until  I  felt  more  frightened  than  when  I  was  on  my  lit¬ 
tle  stool  in  the  cabinet  of  relics,  on  the  thirtieth  of  January.  Just 
over  the  ledge  of  my  pew  I  could  see  the  clergyman,  in  his  large 
white  wig,  leaning  over  the  reading-desk,  and  talking  at  me,  as  I 
thought,  in  a  mighty  angry  manner;  and  tvlien  he,  or  another  divine, 
afterward  ascended  the  pulpit  above,  I  used  to  fancy  that  it  was 
only  the  same  clergyman  grown  taller,  and  with  a  bigger  wig,  and 
that  he  seemed  to  lean  forward,  and  be  angrier  with  me  than  ever. 
The  time  of  kneeling  was  always  one  of  sore  trouble  to  me,  for  1 
had  to  feel  with  my  foot  for  the  hassock,  which  seemed  to  lie  as 
far  beneath  me  as  though  it  were  sunk  at  the  bottom  of  the  Red 
Sea.  Getting  up  again  was  quite  as  difficult;  and  I  don’t  think 
we  ever  attained  the  end  of  the  Litany  without  my  dropping  my 
great  red  Prayer-Book — not  the  thirtieth- of -January  one — with  a 
clang.  On  such  occasions  the  pew-door  would  open,  and  the  beadle 
enter.  He  always  picked  up  the  book,  and  gave  it  me  with  a  low 


20 


CAPTAIN"  DANGEROUS. 


bow;  but  he  never  omitted  to  tell  me,  in  a  deadly  whisper,  that  if  I 
had  been  one  of  Lady  Viellcastel’s  boys,  he’d  skin  me  alive,  he 
would. 

The  Unknown  Lady  did  not  attend  the  parisli-cliurch.  She,  and 
Mistress  Talmash,  and  the  foreign  person,  held  a  service  apart.  I 
was  called  “  Little  Master,”  and  went  with  the  footman.  The  fel¬ 
low’s  name,  I  remember,  was  Jeremy.  He  used  to  talk  to  me, 
going  and  coming,  as  I  sat,  in  my  fine  laced  clothes,  and  my  hat 
with  a  plume  in  it,  and  my  little  rapier  with  the  silver  hilt,  perched 
on  his  broad  shoulder.  He  used  to  tell  me  that  he  had  been  a 
soldier,  and  had  fought  under  the  Duke  of  Marlborough;  and  that 
he  had  a  wife  who  washed  bands  and  ruffles  for  the  gentlemen  of 
the  Life  Guard,  and  drank  strong  waters  till  she  found  herself  in 
the  round-house.  Always  on  a  Sunday  morning,  as  the  church- 
bells  began  to  ring,  the  Unknown  Lady  would  give  me  a  guinea  to 
put  into  the  plate  after  service.  I  remember  that  the  year  before 
she  died,  when  I  was  big  enough  to  walk  with  my  hand  in  Jeremy’s, 
instead  of  being  carried,  that  he  told  me  on  Easter-Sunday  morn¬ 
ing  that  his  wife  was  dead,  and  that  he  had  two  children  in  a  cellar 
who  had  no  bread  to  eat.  He  cried  a  good  deal;  and  before  we 
reached  the  church,  took  me  into  a  strange  room  in  a  back  street, 
where  there  were  a  number  of  men  and  women  shouting  and  quar¬ 
reling,  and  another,  without  his  wig  and  with  a  great  gash  in  his 
forehead,  sprawling  on  the  ground,  and  crying  out,  “  Lillibulero!” 
and  two  more  playing  cards  on  a  pair  of  bellows.  And  they  were 
all  drinking  from  mugs  and  smoking  tobacco.  Here  Jeremy  had 
something  to  drink,  too,  from  a  mug.  He  put  the  vessel  to  my  lips, 
and  I  tasted  something  Hot,  which  made  me  feel  very  faint  and 
giddy.  When  we  were  in  the  open  air  again,  he  cried  worse  than 
ever.  What  could  I  do  but  give  him  my  guinea?  On  our  return 
to  Hanover  Square,  the  Lady  asked  me,  according  to  her  custom, 
what  was  the  text,  and  whether  I  had  put  my  money  into  the  plate. 
She  was  not  strict  about  the  first;  for  I  was  generally,  from  my  ten¬ 
derness  of  years,  unable  to  tell  her  more  than  that  the  gentleman  in 
the  wig  seemed  very  angry  with  me,  and  the  Pope,  and  the  Prince 
of  Darkness;  but  she  always  taxed  me  smartly  about  the  guinea. 
This  was  before  the  time  that  I  had  learned  to  Lie;  and  so  I  told 
her  how  1  had  given  the  piece  of  gold  to  Jeremy,  for  that  his  wife 
was  no  more,  and  his  children  were  in  a  cellar  with  nothing  to  eat. 
She  stajred  a  while  looking  at  me  with  those  blue  eyes,  which  had 
first  their  bright  fierceness  in  them  and  then  their  kind  and  sweet 
tenderness.  It  was  the  first  time  that  I  marked  her  eyes  more  than 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


21 


her  dress  and  her  diamonds.  She  took  me  in  her  lap,  and  printed 
her  lips — which  were  very  soft,  but  cold — upon  my  forehead. 

“Child,”  she  said,  “did  I  use  thee  as  is  the  custom,  thou 
shouldst  be  whipped,  not  kissed,  for  thy  folly  and  disobedience. 
But  you  know  not  what  you  did.  Here  are  two  guineas  to  put  into 
the  plate  next  Sunday;  and  let  no  rogues  cozen  you  out  of  it.  As  for 
Jeremy,”  she  continued,  turning  to  Mistress  Talmash,  “  see  that 
the  knave  be  stripped  of  his  livery,  and  turned  out  of  the  house 
this  moment,  for  robbing  my  Grandson,  and  taking  him  on  a  Sab¬ 
bath  morning  to  taverns,  among  grooms,  and  porters,  and  sharpers, 
and  bullies.” 

Yes;  the  Unknown  Lady  was  my  Grandmother.  1  purpose  now 
to  relate  to  you  her  History,  revealed  to  me  many  years  after  her 
death,  in  a  manner  to  be  mentioned  at  the  proper  time. 


CHAPTER  THE  THIRD. 

THE  HISTORY  OP  MY  GRANDMOTHER,  WHO  WAS  A  LADY  OP  CON¬ 
SEQUENCE  IN  THE  WEST  COUNTRY. 

My  Grandmother  was  born  at  Bristol,  about  the  year  1630,  and 
in  the  reign  of  King  Charles  the  First.  She  came  of  a  family 
noted  for  their  long  lives,  and  of  whom  there  was,  in  good  sooth,  a 
proverb  in  the  West  setting  forth  tlial  “Bar  gallows,  glaive,  and 
the  gout,  every  Greenville  wTould  live  to  a  hundred.”  Her  maiden 
name  was  Greenville;  she  wTas  baptized  Arabella;  and  she  was  the 
only  daughter  of  Richard  Greenville,  an  esquire  of  a  fair  estate  be¬ 
tween  Bath  and  Bristol,  where  his  ancestors  had  held  their  land  for 
three  hundred  years,  on  a  jocular  tenure  of  presenting  the  king, 
whenever  he  came  that  way,  with  a  goose-pie,  the  legs  sticking 
through  the  crust.  It  was  Esquire  Greenville’s  misfortune  to  come 
to  his  estate  just  as  those  unhappy  troubles  were  fomenting  which 
a  few  years  after  embroiled  these  kingdoms  in  one  great  and  dismal 
Quarrel.  It  was  hard  for  a  gentleman  of  consequence  in  his  own 
country,  and  one  whose  forefathers  had  served  the  most  consider¬ 
able  offices  therein — having  been  of  the  Quorum  ever  since  the  reign 
of  King  Edward  the  Third — to  avoid  mingling  in  some  kind  or  an¬ 
other  in  the  dissensions  wherewith  our  beloved  country  was,  then 
torn.  Mr.  Greenville  was  indeed  a  person  of  a  tranquil  and  pla¬ 
cable  humor,  to  whom  party  janglings  were  thoroughly  detestable; 
and  although  he  leaned  naturally,  as  beseemed  his  degree,  toward 


22 


CAPTAIN  DANGEKOUS. 


the  upholding  of  his  Majesty’s  Crown  and  Dignity,  and  the  main¬ 
tenance  in  proper  Honor  and  Splendor  of  the  Church,  he  was  too 
good  a  Christian  and  citizen  not  to  shrink  from  seeing  his  native 
land  laid  waste  by  the  blind  savageness  of  a  Civil  War.  And  al¬ 
though  he  paid  cess  and  ship-money  without  murmuring,  and,  on 
being  chosen  a  Knight  of  the  Shire,  did  zealously  speak  up  in  the 
Commons  House  of  Parliament  on  the  King’s  side  (refusing  never¬ 
theless  to  make  one  of  the  lip-serving  crowd  of  courtiers  of  White¬ 
hall),  and  although,  when  church-warden  in  his  parish,  he  ever  pre¬ 
served  the  laudable  custom  of  Whitsun  and  Martinmas  ales  for  the 
good  of  the  poor,  and  persisted  in  having  the  Book  of  Sports  read 
from  the  pulpit — he  was  averse  from  all  high-handed  measures  of 
musketooning  and  pike-stabbing  those  of  the  meaner  sort,  or  those 
of  better  degree  (as  Mr.  Hampden,  Mr.  Pym,  and  Another  whom 
I  shudder  to  mention),  •  who,  for  conscience’  sake,  opposed  them¬ 
selves  to  the  King’s  Government.  He  was  in  this  wise  at  issue 
with?  some  of  his  hotter  Cavalier  neighbors,  as,  for  instance,  Sir 
Basil  Fauconberge,  who,  whenever  public  matters  were  under  ques¬ 
tion,  began  with  “  Neighbor,  you  must  first  sliotv  me  Pym,  Hamp¬ 
den,  Haslerigge,  and  the  rest,  swinging  upon  a  gallows,  and  then  I 
will  begin  to  chop  logic  with  you.”  For  a  long  time  Mr.  Green¬ 
ville,  my  Great-grandfather  (and  my  enemies  may  see  from  this 
that  I  am  of  no  rascal  stock),  cherished  hopes  that  affairs  might  be 
brought  to  a  shape  without  any  shedding  of  blood;  but  his  hope 
proved  a  vain  and  deceiving  one;  ungovernable  passions  on  either 
side  caused  not  alone  the  drawing  of  the  sword,  but  the  flinging 
away  of  the  scabbard;  and  my  Grandmother  was  yet  but  a  school- 
maid  at  Madame  Ribotte’s  academy  for  gentlewomen  at  Bristol  when 
that  dreadful,  sinful  war  broke  out  which  ended  in  the  barbarous 
murder  of  the  Prince,  and  the  undoing  of  these  kingdoms. 

Mr.  Greenville  had  two  children;  a  son,  whose  name,  like  his 
own,  was  Richard,  and  who  was  born  some  five  years  before  his 
sister  Arabella.  Even  as  a  child  she  was  exceedingly  beautiful, 
very  gracious,  fair,  grave,  and  dignified  of  deportment,  with 
abundant  brown  hair,  and  large  lustrous  blue  eyes,  which,  when 
the  transient  tempests  of  childhood  passed  over  her,  were  ever  re¬ 
marked  as  having  a  strange,  wild,  fierce  look,  shared  in  sometimes 
by  the  males  of  her  family.  Her  mother,  to  her  sorrow,  died  when 
she  w&s  quite  a  babe.  The  Esquire  was  passionately  fond  of  this 
his  only  daughter;  but  although  it  was  torture  for  him  to  part  with 
her,  and  he  retained  her  until  she  was  thirteen  years  of  age  in  his 
mansion-house,  where  she  was  instructed  in  reading  and  devotion, 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


23 


pickling  and  preserving  (and  the  disliking  of  strong  waters),  sam¬ 
pler  work,  and  such  maidenly  parts  of  education,  by  the  house¬ 
keeper,  and  by  a  governante  brought  from  London — he  had  wisdom 
enough  to  discern  and  to  admit  that  his  daughter’s  genius  was  of  a 
nature  that  required  and  demanded  much  higher  culture  than  could 
be  given  to  her  in  an  old  country  seat,  and  in  the  midst  of  talk 
about  dogs  and  horses  and  cattle  and  gunning  and  plowing,  and 
the  continual  disputes  of  hot-headed  Cavaliers  or  bitter  Parliament¬ 
arians,  who  were  trying  who  should  best  persuade  my  Great-grand¬ 
father  to  cast  in  his  lot  with  one  or  the  other  of  the  contending 
parties.  His  son  Richard  had  already  made  his  election,  and,  it  is 
feared,  by  having  recourse  to  usurious  money-scriveners  in  Bristol 
and  London,  had  raised  a  troop  of  horse  for  the  service  of  the  King. 
Moreover,  Arabella  Greenville  was  of  a  very  proud  stomach  and 
unbending  humor.  She  might  be  led,  but  would  not  be  driven. 
She  adored  her  father,  but  laughed  at  the  commands  of  the  gover¬ 
nante,  and  the  counsels  of  the  housekeeper,  who  knew  not  how 
either  to  lead  or  to  rule  her.  It  was  thus  determined  to  send  her 
to  Madame  Ribotte’s  academy  at  Bristol — for  even  so  early  as  King 
Charles’s  time  had  outlandish  and  new-fangled  names  been  found 
for  Schools;  and  thither  she  was  accordingly  sent,  with  instructions 
that  she  was  to  learn  all  the  polite  arts  and  accomplishments  proper 
to  her  station,  that  she  was  to  be  kept  under  a  strict  regimen,  and 
corrected  of  her  faults;  but  that  she  was  not  to  be  thwarted  in  her 
reasonable  desires;  was  to  have  her  pony,  with  John  coachman  on 
the  skewball  sent  to  fetch  her  every  Saturday  and  holiday;  was  not 
to  be  overweighted  with  tedious  and  dragging  studies;  and  was  by 
no  means  to  be  subject  to  those  shameful  chastisements  of  the  ferula 
and  the  rod,  which,  even  within  my  own  time,  I  blush  to  say  had 
not  been  banished  from  schools  for  young  gentlewomen.  To  sum 
up,  Miss  Arabella  Greenville  went  to  school,  with  a  pocketful  of 
guineas,  and  a  play-chest  full  of  sweet-cakes  and  preserved  fruits, 
and  with  a  virtual  charter  for  learning  as  little  as  she  chose,  and 
doing  pretty  well  as  much  as  she  liked. 

Of  course  my  Grandmother  ran  a  fair  chance  of  being  wholly 
spoiled,  and  growing  up  to  one  of  those  termagant  romps  we  used 
to  laugh  at  in  Mr.  Colley  Cibber’s  plays.  The  school-mistress  fawned 
upon  her,  for,  although  untitled,  Esquire  Greenville  (from  whom 
my  descent  is  plain)  was  one  of  the  most  considerable  of  the  County 
Gentry;  the  teachers  were  glad  when  she  would  treat  them  i rom 
her  abundant  store  of  guineas;  and  she  was  a  kind  of  divinity 
among  the  scliool-maids  her  companions,  to' whom  she  gave  so  many 


M 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


cakes  and  sweetmeats  that  the  apothecary  had  to  he  called  in  about 
once  a  week.  But  this  fair  young  flower-bed  was  saved  from  blight 
and  choking  weeds,  first,  by  the  innate  rectitude  and  nobility  of  her 
disposition,  which  (save  only  when  that  dangerous  look  was  in  her 
eyes)  taught  her  to  keep  a  rein  over  her  caprices,  and  subdue  a  too 
warm  and  vigorous  imagination;  next,  by  the  entire  absence  of 
vanity  and  self-conceit  in  her  mind — a  happy  state,  which  made  her 
equally  alive  to  her  own  faults  and  todlie  excellencies  of  others; 
and,  last,  by  her  truly  prodigious  aptitude  for  polite  learning.  I 
have  often  been  told  that  but  for  adverse  circumstances  Mrs.  Green¬ 
ville  must  have  proved  one  of  the  most  learned,  as  she  was  one  of 
the  wittiest  and  best-bred,  women  of  age  and  country.  In  the 
languages,  in  all  manner  of  fine  needlework,  in  singing  and  finger¬ 
ing  instruments  of  music,  in  medicinal  botany  and  the  knowledge 
of  diseases,  in  the  making  of  the  most  cunning  electuaries  and  syl¬ 
labubs,  and  even  in  arithmetic — a  science  of  which  young  gentle¬ 
women  were  then  almost  wholly  deficient — she  became,  before  she 
was  sixteen  years  of  age,  a  truly  wonderful  proficient.  A  Bristol 
bookseller  spoke  of  printing  her  book  of  recipes  (containing  some 
excellent  hints  on  cookery,  physic,  the  casting  of  nativities,  and 
farriery);  and  some  excellent  short  hymns  she  wrote  are,  I  believe, 
sung  to  this  day  in  one  of  the  Bristol  free-schools.  But  the  talent 
for  which  she  wgs  most  shiningly  remarkable  was  in  that  difficult 
and  laborious  art  of  Painting  in  Oils.  Her  early  drawings,  both  in 
crajmns  and  Chinese  ink,  were  very  noble;  and  there  are  in  this 
House  now  some  miniatures  of  her  father,  brother,  and  school- com¬ 
panions,  limned  by  her  in  a  most  delicate  and  lovely  fashion;  but 
’twas  in  oils  and  in  portraiture  of  the  size  of  life  that  she  most  sur. 
passed.  She  speedily  out-went  all  that  the  best  masters  of  this 
craft  in  Bristol  could  teach  her;  and  her  pictures — especially  one  of 
her  father,  in  his  buffi  coat  and  breastplate,  as  a  Colonel  of  the  Mili¬ 
tia — were  the  wonder,  not  only  of  Bristol,  but  of  all  Somerset  and 
the  counties  adjacent. 

About  this  time  those  troubles  in  the  West,  with  which  the  name 
of  Prince  Rupert  is  so  sadly  allied,  grew  to  be  of  such  force  and 
fury  as  to  decide  Mr.  Greenville  on  going  to  London,  taking  his 
daughter  Arabella  with  him,  to  make  interest  with  the  Parliament, 
so  that  peril  might  be  averted  from  his  estate.  For  although  his 
son  was  in  arms  for  King  Charles,  and  he  himself  was  a  gentleman 
of  approved  loyalty,  he  had  done  nothing  of  an  overt  kind  to  favor 
King  or  Parliament.  He  thus  hoped,  having  ever  been  a  peaceable 
and  law-worthy  gentleman,  to  preserve  his  lands  from  peril,  and 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


25 


liimself  and  family  from  prQsecution;  and  it  is  a  great  error  to  sup¬ 
pose  that  many  honest  gentlemen  did  not  so  succeed  in  the  very 
fiercest  frenzy  of  the  civil  wars  in  keeping  their  houses  over  their 
heads,  and  their  heads  upon  their  shoulders.  Witness  worthy  Mr. 
John  Evelyn  of  Wotton  and  Sayes’  Court,  and  many  other  persons 
of  repute. 

While  the  Esquire  was  intent  on  his  business  at  Westminster,  and 
settling  the  terms  of  a  Fine,  without  which  it  seemed  even  his 
peaceable  behavior  could  not  be  compounded,  he  lay  at  the  house 
of  a  friend,  Sir  Fortunatus  Geddings,  a  Turkey  merchant,  who  had 
a  fair  house  in  the  street  leading  directly  to  St.  Paul’s  Church,  just 
without  Ludgate.  The  gate  has  been  pulled  down  this  many  a 
day,  and  the  place  where  he  dwelt  is  now  called  Ludgate  Hill. 
As  he  had  much  going  to  and  fro,  and  was  afraid  that  his  daughter 
might  come  to  hurt,  both  in  the  stoppage  to  her  schooling,  and  in 
the  unquietness  of  the  times,  he  placed  her  for  a  while  at  a  famous 
school  at  Hackney,  under  that  famous  governante  Mrs.  Desaguil- 
iers.  And  here  she  had  not  been  for  many  weeks  ere  the  strangest 
adventure  in  the  world — as  strange  as  any  one  of  my  own — befelj 
her.  The  terrible  battle  of  Naseby  had  by  this  time  been  fought 
and  the  King’s  cause  was  wholly  ruined.  Among  other  Cavaliers 
fortunate  enough  to  escape  from  that  deadly  fray,  and  who  were  in 
hiding  from  the  vengeance  of  the  usurping  government,  was  the 

Lord  Francis  V - rs,  younger  son  to  that  hapless  Duke  of 

B - m  who  was  slain  at  Portsmouth  by  Captain  F - n.  It  seems 

almost  like  a  scene  in  a  comedy  to  tell;  and,  indeed,  I  am  told  that 
Tom  D’Urfey  did  turn  the  only  merry  portion  of  it  into  a  play;  but 
it  appears  that,  among  other  shifts  to  keep  his  disguise,  the  Lord 
Francis,  who  was  highly  skilled  in  all  the  accomplishments  of  the 
age,  was  fain  to  enter  Mrs.  Desaguiliers’s  school  at  Hackney  in  the 
habit  of  a  dancing-master,  and  that  as  such  he  taught  corantoes  and 
rounds  to  the  young  gentlewomen.  Whether  the  governante,  who 
was  herself  a  stanch  Royalist,  winked  at  the  deception,  I  know  not; 
but  her  having  done  so  is  not  improbable.  Stranger  to  tell,  the 
Lord  Francis  brought  with  him  a  companion  who  was,  forsooth,  to 
teach  French  and  the  lute,  and  who  was  no  other  than  Captain 
Richard,  son  to  the  Esquire  of  the  West  country,  and  who  was 
likewise  inveterately  pursued  by  the  Usurper.  The  brother  recog¬ 
nized  his  sister,  to  what  joy  and  contentment  on  both  their  parts  I 
need  not  say;  but  ere  the  false  dancing-master  had  played  his  part 
many  days,  he  fell  madly  in  love  with  Arabella  Greenville.  To  her 
sorrow  and  wretchedness,  my  poor  Grandmother  returned  his  flame. 


26 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


Not  that  the  Lord  Francis  stands  convicted  of  any  base  designs 
upon  her.  I  am  afraid  that  he  had  been  as  wild  and  as  reckless  as 
most  of  the  young  nobles  of  his  day;  but  for  this  young  woman  at 
least  his  love  wTas  pure  and  honorable.  He  made  no  secret  of  it  to 
his  fast  friend,  Captain  Richard  (my  Grand-uncle),  who  would  soon 
have  crossed  swords  with  the  spark  had  any  villainy  been  afloat  ;  and 
he  made  no  more  ado,  as  was  the  duty  of  a  Brother  jealous  of  his 
sister’s  fair  fame,  but  to  write  his  father  word  of  what  had  chanced. 
The  Esquire  was  half  terrified  and  half  flattered  by  the  honor  done 
to  his  family  by  the  Lord  Francis.  The  poor  young  man  was  under 
the  very  sternest  of  proscriptions,  and  it  was  openly  known  that  if 
the  Parliament  laid  hold  on  him  his  death  was  certain.  But,  on 
the  other  hand,  the  Esquire  loved  his  daughter  above  all  things; 
and  one  short  half-hour,  passed  with  her  alone  at  Hackney,  per¬ 
suaded  him  that  he  must  either  let  Arabella’s  love-passion  have  its 
vent,  or  break  her  heart  forever.  And,  take  my  word  for  it;  you 
foolish  parents  who  would  thwart  your  children  in  this  the  most 
sacred  moment  of  their  lives — thwart  them  for  no  reasonable  cause, 
but  only  to  gratify  your  own  pride  of  purse,  avarice,  evil  tempers, 
or  love  of  meddling — you  are  but  gathering  up  bunches  of  nettles 
wherewith  to  scourge  your  own  shoulders,  and  strewing  your  own 
beds  with  shards  and  pebbles.  Take  the  advice  of  old  John  Dan¬ 
gerous,  who  suffered  his  daughter  to  marry  the  man  of  her  choice, 
and  is  happy  in  the  thought  that  she  enjoys  happiness;  and  I  should 
much  wish  to  know  if  there  be  any  Hatred  in  the  world  so  dread¬ 
ful  as  that  curdled  love,  as  that  reverence  decayed,  as  that  obedi¬ 
ence  in  ruins,  you  see  in  a  proud  haughty  daughter  married  against 
her  will  to  one  she  holds  in  loathing,  and  who  points  her  finger,  and 
says  within  herself,  "My  father  and  mother  made  me  marry  that 
man,  and  I  am  Miserable.” 

It  was  agreed  amongst  those  who  had  most  right  to  come  to  an 

agreement  in  the  matter,  that  as  a  first  step  the  Lord  Francis  Y - s 

should  betake  himself  to  some  other  place  of  hiding,  as  more  in 
keeping  with  Mrs.  Greenville’s  honor;  but  that,  with  the  consent 
of  her  father  and  brother,  he  should  be  solemnly  betrothed  to  her; 
and  that,  so  soon  as  the  troubles  were  over,  or  that  the  price  which 
was  upoq  his  head  were  taken  off,  he  should  become  her  husband. 
And  there  was  even  a  saving  clause  added,  that  if  the  national  dis¬ 
turbances  unhappily  continued,  Mrs.  Greenville  should  be  privately 
conveyed  abroad,  and  that  the  Lord  Francis  should  marry  her  so 
soon  after  a  certain  lapse  of  time  as  he  could  conveniently  gei  be¬ 
yond  sea.  My  Lord  Duke  of  B - m  had  nothing  to  say  against 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


27 


the  match,  loving  his  brother,  as  he  did,  very  dearly;  and  so,  in  the 
very  roughest  of  times,  this  truest  of  true  loves  seemed  to  bid  fair 
to  have  a  smooth  course. 

But  alas  the  day!  My  Grandmother’s  passion  for  the  young  Lord 
was  a  verjr  madness.  On  his  part,  he  idolized  her,  calling  her  by 
names  and  writing  her  letters  that  are  nonsensical  enough  in  com¬ 
mon  life,  but  which  are  not  held  to  be  foolish  pleas  in  Love’s  Chan 
eery.  When  the  boy  and  girl — for  they  were  scarcely  more — 
parted,  she  gave  him  one  of  her  rich  brown  tresses;  he  gave  her  one 
of  his  own  dainty  love-locks.  They  broke  a  broad  piece  in  halves 
between  them;  each  hung  the  fragment  by  a  ribbon  next  the  heart. 
They  swore  eternal  fidelity,  devotion.  Naught  but  death  should 
part  them,  they  said.  Foolish  things  to  say  and  do,  no  doubt;  but 
I  look  at  my  grizzled  old  head  in  the  glass,  and  remember  that  I 
have  said  and  done  things  quite  as  foolish  forty — fifty  years  ago. 

Nothing  but  Death  "was  to  part  them;  and  nothing  but  Death  so 
parted  them.  The  Esquire  Greenville,  his  business  being  brought 
to  a  pleasant  termination,  having  paid  his  Fine  and  gotten  his  Safe- 
Conduct  and  his  Redemption  from  Sequestration,  betook  himself 
once  more  to  the  West.  His  daughter  went  with  him,  nourishing 
her  love  and  fondling  it,  and  dwelling,  syllable  by  syllable,  on  the 
letters  which  the  Lord  Francis  sent  her  from  time  to  time.  He 
was  in  hopes,  he  said,  to  get  away  to  Holland. 

Then  came  that  wicked  business  of  the  King’s  murder.  Mr. 
Greenville,  as  became  a  loyal  gentleman,  was  utterly  dismayed  at 
that  horrid  crime;  but  to  Arabella  the  news  was  as  of  the  intelli¬ 
gence  of  the  death  of  some  loved  and  revered  friend.  She  wept,  she 
sobbed,  she  called  on  Heaven  to  shower  down  vengeance  on  the 
Murderers  of  her  gracious  Prince.  She  had  not  heard  from  her  be¬ 
trothed  for  many  days,  and  those  who  loved  and  watched  her  had 
marked  a  strange  wild  way  with  her. 

It  was  on  the  third  of  February  that  the  dreadful  news  of  the 
Whitehall  tragedy  came  to  her  father’s  house.  She  was  walking 
on  the  next  day  very  moodity  in  the  garden,  when  the  figure  of  one 
booted  and  spurred,  and  with  the  stains  of  many  days’  travel  on  his 
dress,  stood  across  her  path.  He  was  but  a  clown,  a  mere  boor;  he 
had  been  a  plowboy  on  her  father’s  lands,  and  had  run  away  to 
join  Captain  Richard,  wrho  had  made  him  a  trumpeter  in  his  troop. 
What  he  had  to  say  was  told  in  clumsy  speech,  in  hasty  broken 
accents,  with  sighs  and  stammerings  and  blubberings;  but  he  told 
Iiis  tale  too  well. 

The  Lord  Francis  V - s  and  Captain  Richard  Greenville — Ara- 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


bella’s  lover,  Arabella’s  brother — were  both  Dead.  On  the  eve  of 
the  fatal  thirtieth  of  January  they  had  been  taken  captives  in  a  tilt- 
boat  on  the  Thames,  in  which  they  were  endeavoring  to  escape 
down  the  river.  They  had  at  once  been  tried  by  a  court-martial  of 
rebel  officers;  and  on  the  thirtieth  day  of  that  black  month,  by  ex¬ 
press  order  sent  from  the  Lord  General  Cromwell  in  London, 
these  two  gallant  and  unfortunate  gentlemen  had  been  shot  to  death 
by  a  file  of  musketry  in  the  court-yard  of  Hampton  Court  Palace. 
The  trumpeter  had  by  a  marvel  escaped,  and  lurked  about  Hamp¬ 
ton  till  the  dreadful  deed  was  over.  He  had  sought  out  the  sergeant 
of  the  firing  party,  and  questioned  him  as  to  the  last  moments  of  the 
condemned.  The  sergeant  said  that  they  died  as  Malignants,  and 
without  showing  any  sign  of  penitence;  but  he  could  not  gainsay 
that  their  bearing  was  soldier-like. 

Arabella  heard  this  tale  without  moving. 

“  Did  the  Captain — did  my  brother — say  aught  before  they  slew 
him?”  she  asked. 

“  Nowt  but  this,  my  lady:  ‘  God  forgive  us  all!’  ” 

“  And  the  Lord  Francis,  said  he  aught?” 

“  Ay;  but. I  dunno  loike  to  tell.” 

“  Say  on.” 

Twas  t’  Sergeant  tould  un.  A’  blessed  the  King,  and  would 
hev’  t’  souldiers  drink  ’s  health,  but  they  wouldno’.  And  a’ 
wouldno’  let  un  bandage  his  eyes;  an’  jest  befoar  t’  red  cwoatts 
fired,  a’  touk  a  long  lock  o’  leddy’s  hair  from ’s  pocket  and  kissed 
un,  and  cried  out  ‘Bloud  for  Bloud!’  and  then  a’  died  all  straight 
along.” 

Mrs.  Arabella  Greenville  drew  from  her  bosom  a  long  -wavy  lock 
of  silken  hair — his  hair,  poor  boy ! — and  kissed  it,  and  crying  out 
“  Blood  for  Blood!”  fell  down  in  the  garden-path  in  a  dead  faint. 

She  did  not  Die,  however,  being  spared  for  many  Purposes,  some 
of  them  Terrible,  until  she  was  nearly  ninety  years  of  age.  But 
her  first  state  was  worse  than  death;  she  lying  for  many  days  in  a 
kind  of  trance  or  lethargy,  and  then  waking  up  to  raving  madness. 
For  the  best  part  of  that  year  she  was  a  perfect  maniac,  from  whom 
nothing  could  be  got  but  gibberings  and  plungings,  and  ceaseless  cries 
of  “  Blood  for  Blood!”  The  heir-at-law  to  the  estate,  now  that  the 
Esquire’s  son  was  dead,  watched  her  madness  with  a  keen  avaricious 
desire.  He  was  a  sour  Parliament  man,  who  had  pinned  his  faith  to 
the  Commonwealth,  and  done  many  Awakening  things  against  the 
Cavaliers,  and  he  thought  now  that  he  should  have  his  reward,  and 
Inherit. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


29 


It  was  so  destined,  however,  that  my  Grandmother  shold  recover 
from  that  malady.  On  her  beauty  it  left  surprisingly  few  traces. 
You  could  only  tell  the-cliange  that  had  taken  place  in  her  by  the 
deathly  paleness  of  her  visage,  by  her  never  smiling,  and  by  that 
fierce  expression  in  her  eyes  being  now  an  abiding  instead  of  a 
passing  one.  Beyond  these  she  was  herself  again;  and  after  a 
little  while  went  to  her  domestic  concerns,  and  chiefly  to  the  culti¬ 
vation  of  that  pleasing  art  of  painting  in  oils  in  which  she  had  of 
old  time  given  such  fair  promise  of  excellence.  Her  father  would 
have  had  several  most  ingenious  examples  of  History  and  Scripture 
pieces  by  the  Italian  and  Flemish  masters  bought  for  her  to  study 
by — such  copies  being  then  very  plentiful,  by  reason  of  the  dis¬ 
persing  of  the  collections  of  many  noblemen  and  gentlemen  on  the 
King's  side;  but  this  she  would  not  suffer,  saying  that  it  were 
waste  of  time  and  money,  and,  with  astonishing  zeal,  applied  her¬ 
self  to  the  branch  of  portraiture.  From  a  little  miniature  portrait 
of  her  dead  Lord,  drawn  by  Mr.  Cooper,  she  painted  in  large  many 
fair  and  noble  presentments,  varying  them  according  to  her  humor — 
now  showing  the  Lord  Francis  in  his  panoply  as  a  man  of  war,  now 
in  a  court  habit,  now  in  an  embroidered  night-gown  and  Turkish 
cap,  now  leaning  on  the  shoulder  of  her  brother,  the  Captain,  de¬ 
ceased.  And  anon  she  would  make  a  ghastly  image  of  him  lying 
all  along  in  the  court-yard  at  Hampton  Court,  with  the  purple 
bullet-marks  on  his  white  forehead,  and  a  great  crimson  stain  on 
his  bosom,  just  below  his  bands.  This  was  the  one  she  most  loved 
to  look  upon,  although  her  father  sorely  pressed  her  to  put  it  by, 
and  not  dwell  on  so  uncivil  a  theme,  the  more  so  as,  in  crimson 
characters,  on  the  background  she  had  painted  the  words  “  Blood 
for  Blood.”  But  whatever  she  did  was  now  taken  little  account 
of,  for  all  thought  her  to  be  distraught. 

By  and  by  she  fell  to  quite  a  new  order  in  her  painting.  She 
seemed  to  take  infinite  pleasure  in  making  portraitures  of  Oliveii 
Cromwell,  who  had  by  this  time  become  Lord  Protector  of  the 
Commonwealth.  She  had  never  seen  that  bold  bad  man  (the 
splendor  of  whose  mighty  achievements  must  forever  remain  tar¬ 
nished  by  his  blood-guiltiness  in  the  matter  of  the  King’s  death);  but 
from  descriptions  of  his  person,  for  which  she  eagerly  sought,  and 
from  bustos,  pictures,  and  prints  cut  in  brass,  which  she  obtained 
from  Bristol  and  elsewhere,  she  produced  some  surprising  resem¬ 
blances  of  him  who  was  now  the  Greatest  Man  in  England.  She 
painted  him  at  full  and  at  half  length — in  full-face,  profile,  and 
three-quarter;  but  although  she  would  show  her  work  to  her  inti- 


30 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


mates,  and  ask  eagerly  “  Is  it  like — is  it  like  him?”  she  would  never 
part  with  one  copy  (and  there  were  good  store  of  time-servers  ready 
to  buy  the  Protector’s  picture  at  that  time),  nor  could  any  tell  how 
she  disposed  of  them. 

This  went  on  until  the  summer  of  the  year  165?,  when  her  father 
gently  put  it  to  her  that  she  had  worn  the  willow  long  enough,  and 
would  have  had  her  ally  herself  with  some  gentleman  of  worth  and 
part  s  in  that  part  of  the  country.  For  the  poor  Esquire  desired 
that  she  should  be  his  heiress,  and  that  a  man-child  should  be  born 
to  the  Greenville  estate,  and  thus  the  heir-at-law,  who  was  a 
wretched  attorney  at  Bristol,  and  more  bitter  against  kings  than 
ever,  should  not  inherit.  She  was  not  to  be  moved,  however,  to¬ 
ward  marriage;  saying  softly  that  she  was  already  wedded  to  her 

Frank  in  Heaven — for  so  she  spoke  of  the  Lord  Francis  V - s,  and 

that  her  union  had  been  blessed  by  her  brother  Dick,  who  was  in 
Heaven,  too,  with  King  Charles  and  all  the  Blessed  Army  of 
Martyrs.  And  I  have  heard,  indeed,  that  the  unhappy  business  of 
-  the  King’s  death  was  the  means  of  so  crazing,  or  casting  into  a  sad 
celibacy  and  devouring  melancholy,  multitudes  of  comely  young 
women  who  were  born  for  love  and  delights,  and  to  be  the  happy 
mothers  of  many  children. 

So,  seeing  that  he  could  do  nothing  with  her,  and  loath  to  use  any 
unhandsome  pressure  toward  one  whom  he  loved  as  the  apple  of  his 
eye,  the  Esquire  began  to  think  it  might  divert  her  mind  to  more 
cheerful  thoughts  if  she  quitted  for  a  season  that  part  of  the  country 
(for  it  was  at  Home  that  she  had  received  the  dreadful  news  of  her 
misfortune);  and,  Sir  Fortunatus  Geddings  and  his  family  being 
extremely  willing  to  receive  her,  and  do  her  honor,  he  dispatched 
Arabella  to  London,  under  protection  of  Mr.  Landrail,  his  steward, 
a  neighbor  of  his,  Sir  Hardress  Eustis  lending  his  Coach  for  the 
journey. 

Being  now  come  to  London,  every  means  which  art  could  devise, 
or  kindness  could  imagine,  were  made  use  of  by  Sir  Fortunatus,  his 
wife,  and  daughter,  to  make  Arabella’s  life  happier.  But  I  should 
tell  you  a  strange  tiling  that  came  about  at  her  father’s  house  the 
day  after  she  left  it  for  the  town.  Mr.  Greenville  chanced  to  go 
in  a  certain  long  building  by  the  side  of  his  pleasure  pond  that  was 
used  as  a  boat-house,  when,  to  his  amazement,  he  sees,  piled  up 
against  the  wall,  a  number  of  pictures,  some  completed,  some  but 
half  finished,  but  all  representing  the  Lord  Protector  Cromwell. 
But  the  strangest  thing  about  them  was,  that  in  every  picture  the 
canvas  about  the  head  was  pricked  through  and  through  in  scores 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


31 


of  places  with  very  fine  sharp  holes,  and,  looking  around  in  his 
marvel,  he  found  an  arbalest  or  cross-bow,  with  some  very  sharp 
bolts,  and  was  so  led  to  conjecture  that  some  one  had  been  setting 
these  heads  of  the  Protector  up  as  a  target,  and  shooting  bolts  at 
them.  He  was  at  first  minded  to  send  an  express  after  his  daughter 
to  London  to  question  her  if  she  knew  aught  of  the  matter;  but  on 
second  thoughts  he  desisted,  remembering  that  in  the  Message, 
almost  (as  the  times  stood;  there  was  Treason,  and  concluding  that, 
after  all,  it  might  be  but  some  idle  fancy  of  Arabella,  and  part  of 
the  demi-craze  under  which  she  labored.  For  there  could  be  no 
manner  of  doubt  that  the  pictures,  if  not  the  holes  in  them,  were  of 
her  handiwork. 

Meanwhile  Arabella  was  being  entertained  in  the  stateliest  man¬ 
ner  by  Sir  Fortunatus  Geddings,  who  stood  in  great  favor  with  the 
Government,  and  had,  during  the  troubles,  assisted  the  Houses  with 
large  sums  of  money.  There  were  then  not  many  sports  or  amuse¬ 
ments  wherewith  a  sorrowing  maiden  could  be  diverted;  for  the  b 
temper  of  England’s  Rulers  was  against  vain  pastimes  and  junket" 
ings.  The  Maypoles  had  been  pulled  down;  the  players  whipped 
and  banished;  the  bear  and  bull-baitings,  ancl  even  the  mere  harm¬ 
less  minstrelsy  and  ballad-singing  of  the  streets,  all  rigorously  pulled 
down.  But  whatever  the  worthy  Turkey  merchant  and  his  house¬ 
hold  could  do  in  the  way  of  carrying  Arabella  about  to  suppers* 
christenings,  country  gatherings,  and  so  forth,  was  cheerfully  and 
courteously  done.  Sir  Fortunatus  maintained  a  coach  (for  he  wag 
one  of  the  richest  merchants  in  the  City  of  London),  and  in  this 
conveyance  Arabella  was  ofttimes  taken  to  drive  in  Hyde  Park,  or 
toward  the  Uxbridge  Road.  ’Twas  on  one  of  these  occasions  that 
she  first  saw  the  Protector,  who  likewise  was  in  his  coach,  drawn 
by  eight  Holstein  mares,  and  attended  by  a  troop  of  Horse,  very 
gallantly  appointed,  with  scarlet  livery  coats,  bright  gorgets  and 
back-pieces,  and  red  plumes  in  their  hats. 

“He  is  very  like,  very  like,”  she  murmured,  looking  long  and 
earnestly  at  the  grand  cavalcade. 

“  Like  unto  Whom,  my  dear?”  asked  Mrs.  Nancy  Geddings,  the 
youngest  daughter  of  Sir  Fortunatus,  who  was  her  companion  in 
the  coach  that  day. 

“  Very  like  unto  him  who  is  at  Home  in  the  West  yonder,”  she 
made  answer.  “  Now  take  me  back  to  Ludgate,  Nancy  sweet,  for 
I  am  sick.” 

She  was  to  be  humored  in  everything,  and  she  was  taken  home 
as  she  desired.  It  chanced,  a  few  days  after  this,  that  word  came 


32 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


that  his  Highness  the  Lord  Protector  of  the  Commonwealth  of 
England  (for  to  such  State  had  Oliver  grown)  designed  to  visit  the 
City,  to  dine  with  llie  citizens  at  Guildhall.  There  was  to  he  a 
great  pageant.  He  was  to  he  met  at  Temple  Bar  by  the  Mayor  and 
Aldermen,  and  to  he  escorted  toward  Cheapside  hy  those  city 
Trainbands  which  had  done  such  execution  on  the  Parliament  side 
during  the  wars,  and  hy  the  Companies  with  their  Livery  banners. 
Foreign  embassadors  were  to  bear  him  company;  for  Oliver  was 
then  at  the  height  of  his  power,  and  had  made  the  name  of  England 
dreaded,  and  even  his  own  prowess  respected,  by  all  nations  that 
were  beyond  sea.  He  was  to  hear  a  sermon  at  Bow  Church  at 
noon,  and  at  two  o’clock — for  the  preacher  was  to  be  Mr.  Hugh 
Peters,  who  always  gave  his  congregation  a  double  turn  of  the 
hour-glass — he  was  to  dine  at  the  Guildhall,  where  I  know  not  how 
many  geese,  bustards,  capons,  pheasants,  ruffs  and  reeves,  sirloins, 
shoulders  of  veal,  pasties,  sweet  puddings,  jellies,  and  custards, 
with  good  stores  of  Rhenish  and  Canary,  and  Bordelais  and  Bur- 
•  gundian  wines,  were  provided  to  furnish  a  banquet  worthy  of  the 
day.  For  although  the  Protectorate  was  a  stern  sad  period,  and 
Oliver  was  (or  had  schooled  himself  to  be)  a  temperate  man,  the 
citizens  had  not  quite  forgotten  their  love  of  good  cheer;  and  the 
Protector  himself  was  not  averse  from  the  keeping  up  some  state 
and  splendor,  Whitehall  being  now  well-nigh  as  splendid  as  in  the 
late  King’s  time,  and  his  Highness  sitting  with  his  make-believe 
lords  around  him  (Lisle,  Whilelocke,  and  the  rest),  and  eating  his 
meat  to  the  sound  of  Trumpets,  and  being  otherwise  puffed  up  with 
Vanity. 

The  good  folks  with  whom  Arabella  was  sojourning  thought  it 
might  help  to  cure  her  of  her  sad  moping  ways  if  she  saw  the  grand 
pageant  go  by,  and  mingled  in  the  merriment  and  feasting  which 
the  ladies  of  Sir  Fortunatus’s  family — the  Knight  himself  being 
bidden  to  the  Guildhall — proposed  to  give  their  neighbors  on  the 
day  when  Oliver  came  into  the  City.  To  this  intent,  llie  windows 
of  their  house  without  Ludgate  were  all  taken  out  of  their  frames, 
and  the  casements  themselves  hung  with  rich  cloths  and  tapestries, 
and  decked  with  banners.  And  an  open  house  was  kept,  literally, 
meats  and  wines  and  sweets  being  set  out  in  every  room,  even  to 
the  bed-chambers,  and  all  of  the  Turkey  merchant’s  acquaintance 
being  bidden  to  come  in  and  help  themselves,  and  take  a  squeeze  at 
the  windows  to  see  his  Highness  go  by.  Only  one  window  on  the 
first-floor  was  set  apart,  and  here  sat  the  ladies  of  the  family,  with 
Mistress  Deborah  Clay,  the  Remembrancer’s  lady,  and  one  that  as 


CAPTAIN"  DANGEROUS. 


33 


sister  to  a  Judge  of  Commonwealth’s  Bench,  and  Arabella  Green¬ 
ville,  who  was  for  a  wonder  quite  cheerful  and  sprightly  that 
morning,  and  who  had  -for  her  neighbor  one  Lady  Lisle,  the  wife 
of  John  Lisle,  one  of  Cromwell’s  Chief  Councilors  and  Commis 
sioners  of  the  Great  Seal.* 

The  time  that  passed  between  their  taking  seats  and  the  coming 
of  the  pageant  was  passed  pleasantly  enough;  not  in  drinking  of 
healths,  which  practice  was  then  considered  as  closely  akin  to  an 
unlawful  thing,  but  in  laughing  and  quaffing,  and  whispering  of 
many  jests.  For  I  have  usually  found  that,  be  the  Rule  of  Church 
and  State  ever  so  sour  and  stern,  folks  will  laugh  and  quaff  and  jest 
on  the  sly,  and  be  merry  in  the  green  tree,  if  they  are  forced  to  be 
sad  in  the  dry. 

There  was  a  gentleman  standing  behind  Arabella,  a  counselor  of 
Lincoln’s  Inn  I  think,  who  was  telling  a  droll  story  of  Mr.  Presi¬ 
dent  Bradshaw  to  his  friend  from  the  Temple.  Not  greatly  a 
person  of  whom  to  relate  merry  tales,  I  should  think,  that  terrible 
Bencher,  who  sat  at  the  head  of  the  High  Commission,  clothed  in 
his  scarlet  robe,  and  passed  judgment  upon  his  lord  the  King.  But 
still  these  gentlemen  laughed  loud  and  long,  as  one  told  the  other 
how  the  President  lay  very  sick,  sick  almost  to  death,  at  his  country 
house;  and  how,  he  being  one  that  was  in  the  Commission  of  the 
Chancellorship,  had  taken  them  away  with  him,  and  would  by  no 
means  surrender  them,  keeping  them  under  his  pillow,  night  and 
day;  wherefore  one  of  his  brother  commissioners  was  fain  to  seek 
him  out,  and  press  him  hard  to  give  up  the  seals,  saying  that  the 
business  of  the  nation  was  at  a  standstill,  for  they  could  neither 
seal  patents  nor  pardons.  But  all  in  vain,  Bradshaw  crying  out  in 
a  voice  that,  though  weak,  was  still  terrible,  that  he  would  never 
give  them  up,  but  would  carry  them  with  him  into  the  next  world; 
whereat  quoth  the  other  commissioner,  “  By  — ,  Mr.  President, 
they  will  certainly  melt  if  you  do .”  And  at  this  tale  the  gentleman 
from  Lincoln’s  Inn  and  he  from  the  Temple  both  laughed  so,  that 
Arabella,  who  had  been  listening  without  eavesdropping,  burst  into 
a  tit  of  laughter,  too;  only  my  Lady  Lisle  (who  had  likewise  heard 


*  This  Lady  Lisle  was  a  very  virulent  partisan  woman,  and,  according  to  my 
Grandmother’s  showing,  was  so  bitter  against  the  Crown  that,  being  taken 
when  a  young  woman  lo  -of  King  Charles,  and  seeing  one  who 

pressed  to  the  scaffold  after  the  blow  to  dip  her  Martyr’s  blood 

she  cried  out  “that  she  needed  no  such  relic;  but  that  she  WK&T 
drink  the  Tyrant’s  blood.”  This  is  the  same  Alice  Lisle  who  afterward,  m  King 
James’s  time,  suffered  at  Winchester  for  harboring  two  of  the  Western  Rebels. 

2  - 


34 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


tlie  story)  regarded  her  with  a  very  grim  and  dissatisfied  counte¬ 
nance,  and  murmured  that  she  thought  a  little  trailing  up  before  the 
Council,  and  committing  to  the  Gate-house,  would  do  some  popin¬ 
jays  some  good,  and  curfe  them  of  telling  tales  as  treasonable  as  they 
were  scurrilous. 

But  now  came  a  great  noise  of  trumpets  and  hautboys  and  drums, 
and  the  great  pageant  came  streaming  up  toward  Ludgate,  a  troop 
.  of  Oliver’s  own  Body-Guard  on  iron-gray  chargers  clearing  the  way, 
which  they  did  with  scant  respect  for  the  lives  and  limbs  of  the 
crowd,  and  with  very  little  scruple  either  in  bruising  the  Trainbands 
with  their  horses’  hoofs  and  the  flat  of  their  broadswords.  As 
Arabella  leaned  forward  to  see  the  show  approach,  something  hard, 
and  it  would  seem  of  metal,  that  she  carried  beneath  her  mantle, 
struck  against  the  arm  of  my  Lady  Lisle,  who,  being  a  woman  of 
somewhat  quick  temper,  cried  out, 

‘  ‘  Methinks  that  you  carry  a  pocket-flask  with  you,  Mistress 
Greenville,  instead  of  a  vial  of  essences.  That  which  you  have 
must  hold  a  pint  at  least.” 

“  I  do  carry  such  a  flask,”  answered  Arabella,  “  and,  please  God, 
there  are  those  here  to-day  who  shall  drink  of  it  even  to  the  Dregs.” 

This  speech  was  afterward  remembered  against  her  as  a  proof  of 
her  Intent. 

All,  however,  were  speedily  too  busy  with  watching  the  show  go 
by  to  take  much  heed  of  any  word  passage  between  the  two  women. 
Now  it  was  Mistress  Deborah  Clay  pointing  out  the  Remembrancer 
to  her  gossip;  now  the  flaunting  banners  of  the  Companies,  now  the 
velvet  robes  of  the  Lord  of  the  Council  were  looked  upon;  now  a 
great  cry  arose  that  his  Highness  was  coming. 

He  came  in  his  coach  drawn  by  eight  Holstein  mares,  one  of  his 
lords  by  his  side,  and  his  two  chaplains,  with  a  gentleman  of  the 
bed-chamber  sitting  over  against.  He  wore  a  rich  suit  of  brown 
velvet  puffed  with  white  satin,  a  bright  gorget  of  silver — men  said 
that  he  wore  mail  beneath  his  ciothes — boots  and  gauntlets  of  yellow 
Spanish,  a  great  baldric  of  cloth-of-gold,  and  in  his  hat  a  buckle  of 
diamonds  and  a  red  feather.  Yet,  bravely  as  he  was  attired,  those 
who  knew  him  declared  that  they  had  never  seen  Oliver,  look  so 
care-worn  and  so  miserable  as  he  did  that  day. 

By  a  kind  of  &,ance  upward  as  he  passed  the 

n —  ■  1  urke7  merchant,  and  those  cruel  eyes  met  the  fierce 

gaze  of  Arabella  Greenville. 

“  Blood  for  Blood!”  she  cried  out  in  a  loud  clear  voice;  and  she 


CAPTAIX  DANGEROUS. 


35 


drew  a  Pist  ol  from  the  folds  of  her  mantle,  and  tired  downward, 
and  with  unerring  aim,  at  the  Protector’s  head. 

My  Lady  Lisle  saw  the  deed  done.  “  Jezebel!”  she  shrieked, 
striking  the  weapon  from  Arabella’s  hand. 

Oliver  escaped  unharmed,  but  by  an  almost  miracle.  The  bullet 
had  struck  him,  as  it  was  aimed,  directly  in  the  center  of  his  fore¬ 
head,  he  wearing  his  hat  much  slouched  over  his  brow;  but  it  had 
struck — not  his  skull,  but  the  diamond  buckle,  and  glancing  off 
from  that  hard  mass,  sped  out  of  the  coach  window  again,  on  what 
errand  none  could  tell,  for  it  was  heard  of  no  more.  I  have  often 
wondered  what  became  of  all  the  bullets  I  have  let  fly. 

The  stoppage  of  the  coach;  the  Protector  half  stunned;  the 
chaplain  paralyzed  with  fear;  the  Trainbands  in  a  frenzy — half  of 
terror,  half  of  strong  drink — firing  off  their  pieces  hap-hazard  at 
the  windows,  and  shouting  out  that  this  was  a  plot  of  the  Papists 
or  the  Malignants;  the  crowd  surging,  6he  Body-Guard  galloping  to 
and  fro;  the  poor  standard-bearers  tripping  themselves  up  with 
their  own  poles — all  this  made  a  mad  turmoil  in  the  street  without 
Ludgate.  But  the  Protector  had  speedily  found  all  his  senses,  and 
had  whispered  a  word  or  two  to  a  certain  Sergeant  in  whom  he 
placed  great  trust,  and  pointed  his  finger  to  a  certain  window. 
Then  the  Sergeant  being  gone  away,  orders  were  given  for  the 
pageant  to  move  on;  and  through  Ludgate,  and  by  Paul’s,  and  up 
Cheape,  and  to  Bow  Church,  it  moved  accordingly.  Mr.  Hugh 
Peters  preached  for  two  hours  as  though  nothing  had  happened. 
Being  doubtless  under  instructions,  he  made  not  the  slightest  allu¬ 
sion  to  the  late  tragic  Attempt;  and  at  the  banquet  afterward  at  the 
Guildhall  there  were  only  a  few  trifling  rumors  that  his  Highness 
had  been  shot  at  by  a  mad  woman  from  a  window  in  Fleet  Street; 
denial,  however,  being  speedily  given  to  this  by  persons  in  Author¬ 
ity,  who  declared  that  the  disturbance  without  Ludgate  had  arisen 
simply  from  a  drunken  soldier  of  the  Trainbands  firing  his  mus- 
ketoon  into  the  air  for  Joy. 

But  the  Sergeant,  with  some  soldiers  of  the  Protector’s  own, 
walked  tranquilly  into  the  house  of  Sir  Fortunatus  Geddings,  and 
jnto  the  upper  chamber,  where  the  would-be  Avenger  of  Blood  was 
surrounded  by  a  throng  of  men  and  women  gazing  upon  her,  half 
in  horror,  and  half  in  admiration.  The  Sergeant  beckoned  to  her, 
and  she  arose  without  a  murmur,  and  went  with  him  and  the 
soldiers,  two  only  being  left  as  sentinels,  to  see  that  no  one  stirred 
from  the  house  till  orders  came.  By  this  time,  from  Ludgate  to 
Blackfriars  all  was  soldiers,  the  crowd  being  thrust  away  east  and 


36 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


west:  and  between  a  lane  of  pikemen,  Arabella  was  brought  into 
the  street,  hurried  through  the  narrow  lanes  behind  Apothecaries’ 
Hall,  and  so  through  Ihe  alleys  to  Blackfriars  Stairs,  where  a  barge 
was  in  waiting,  which  bore  her  swiftly  away  to  Whitehall. 

“  You  have  flown  at  high  game,  mistress,”  was  the  only  remark 
made  to  her  by  the  Sergeant. 

She  was  locked  up  for  many  hours  in  an  inner  chamber,  the 
windows  being  closed,  and  a  lamp  set  on  the  table.  They  bound 
her,  but,  mindful  of  her  sex  and  youth,  not  in  fetters,  or  even  with 
ropes,  contenting  themselves  with  fastening  her  arms  tightly  behind 
her  with  the  Sergeant’s  silken  sash.  For  the  Sergeant  was  of 
Cromwell’s  own  guard,  and  was  of  great  authority. 

At  about  nine  at  night  the  Sergeant  and  two  soldiers  came  for 
her,  and  so  brought  her,  through  many  corridors,  to  Cromwell’s 
own  chamber,  where  she  found  him  stjll  with  his  hat  and  baldric 
on,  sitting  at  a  table  covered  with  green  velvet. 

“What  prompted  thee  to  seek  my  Life?”  he  asked,  without 
anger,  but  in  a  slow,  cold,  searching  voice. 

“  Blood  for  Blood!”  she  answered,  with  undaunted  mien. 

“  What  evil  have  1  done  thee  that  thou  shouldst  seek  my  blood?” 

“  What  evil — what  evil,  Moloch? — all!  Thou  hast  slain  the  King 
my  Lord  and  master.  Thou  hast  slain  the  dear  brother  who  was 
my  playmate,  and  my  father’s  hope  and  pride.  Thou  hast  slam  the 
sweet  and  gallant  youth  who  was  to  have  been  my  husband.  ’  ’ 

“  Thou  art  that  Arabella  Greenville,  then,  the  daughter  of  the 
wavering  half-hearted  Esquire  of  the  West?” 

“  I  am  the  daughter  of  a  gentleman  of  long  descent.  I  am 
Arabella  Greenville:  and  I  cry  for  vengeance  for  the  blood  of 
Charles  Stuart,  for  the  blood  of  Richard  Greenville,  for  the  blood 
of  Francis  Yilliers.  Blood  for  Blood!” 

That  terrible  gleam  of  Madness  leaped  out  of  her  blue  eyes,  and, 
all  bound  as  she  was,  she  rushed  toward  the  Protector  as  though  in 
her  fury  she  would  have  spurned  him  with  her  foot,  or  torn  him 
with  her  teeth.  The  Sergeant  for  his  part  made  as  though  he 
would  have  drawn  his  sword  upon  her:  but  Oliver  laid  his  hand  on 
the  arm  of  his  officer,  and  bade  him  forbear. 

“Leave  the  maiden  alone  with  me,”  he  said,  calmly;  “wait 
within  call.  She  can  do  no  harm.”  Then,  when  the  soldiers  had 
withdrawn,  he  walked  to  and  fro  in  the  room  for  many  minutes, 
ever  and  anon  turning  his  head  and  gazing  fixedly  on  the  prisoner, 
who  stood  erect,  her  head  high,  her  hands,  for  all  their  bonds, 
clinched  in  defiance. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


37 


“  Thou  knowest,  ’ ’  Tic  said,  “  that  thy  Life  is  forfeit?” 

“  I  care  not.  The  sooner  the  better.  I  ask  but  one  Mercy;  that 
you  send  me  not  to  Tyburn,  but  to  Hampton  Court:  there  to  be 
shot  to  death  in  the  court-yard  by  a  file  of  musketeers?” 

44  Wherefore  to  Hampton?” 

44  Because  it  was  there  you  murdered  my  Lover  and  my  Brother.” 

44 1  remember,”  the  Protector  said,  bowing  his  head.  44  They 
were  rare  Malignants,  both.  I  remember;  it  was  on  the  same 
thirtieth  of  January  that  Charles  Stuart  died  the  death.  But 
shouldst  thou  not,  too,  bear  in  mind  that  Vengeance  is  not  thine, 
but  the  Lord’s?” 

44  Blood  for  Blood!” 

44  Thou  art  a  maiden  of  a  stern  Resolve  and  a  strong  Will,”  said 
{he  Protector,  musingly.  44  If  thou  art  pardoned,  wilt  thou  promise 
repentance  and  amendment?” 

44  Blood  for  Blood!” 

44  Poor  distraught  creature,”  this  once  cruel  man  made  answer, 
44 1  will  have  no  blood  of  thine.  I  have  had  enough,”  he  con¬ 
tinued,  with  a  dark  look  and  a  deep  sigh:  44 1  am  weary;  and  Blood 
will  have  Blood.  But  that  my  life  was  in  Mercy  saved  for  the 
weal  of  these  kingdoms,  thou  might  st  have  done  with  me,  Arabella 
Greenville,  according  to  thy  desires.  ’  ’ 

He  paused  as  though  for  some  expression  of  sorrow;  but  she  was 
silent. 

44  Thou  art  hardened,”  he  resumed;  44it.  maybe  that  there  are 
things  that  can  not  be  forgiven.” 

4  4  There  are,  ’  ’  she  said,  firmly. 

44 1  spare  thy  life,”  the  Lord  Protector  continued;  44  but,  Arabella 
Greenville,  thou  must  go  into  Captivity.  Until  I  am  Dead,  we  two 
can  not  be  at  large  together.  But  I  will  not  doom  thee  to  a  solitary 
prison.  Thou  shalt  have  a  companion  in  durance.  Yes,”  he 
ended,  speaking  between  his  teeth,  and  Inore  to  himself  than  to 
her,  44  she  shall  join  Him  yonder  in  his  life- long  prison.  Blood  for 
Blood;  the  Slayer  and  the  Avenger  shall  be  together.” 

She  was  taken  back  to  her  place  of  confinement,  where  meat 
and  drink  were  placed  before  her,  and  a  tiring- woman  attended  her 
with  a  change  of  garments.  And  at  day-break  the  next  morning 
she  was  taken  away  in  a  litter  toward  Colchester  in  Essex.* 

*  Those  desirous  of  learning  fuller  particulars  of  my  Grandmother’s  History, 
or  anxious  to  satisfy  themselves  that  I  have  not  Lied,  should  consult  a  book 
called  “  The  Travels  of  Edward  Brown,  Esquire,”  that  is  now  in  the  Great 
Library  at  Montague  House.  Mr.  Brown  is  in  most  things  curiously  exact;  but 
he  errs  in  stating  that  Mrs.  Greenville’s  name  was  Letitia— it  was  Arabella. 


38 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


CHAPTER  THE  FOURTH. 

MY  GRANDMOTHER  DIES,  AND  I  AM  LEFT  ALONE,  WITHOUT  SO 

MUCH  AS  A  NAME. 

I  have  sat  over  against  Death  unnumbered  times  in  the  course  of 
a  long  and  perilous  life,  and  he  has  appeared  to  me  in  almost  every 
shape;  but  I  shall  never  forget  that  Thirtieth  of  January  in  the 
year  ’20,  when  my  Grandmother  died.  I  have  seen  men  all  gashed 
and  cloven  about — a  very  mire  of  blood  and  wounds — and  heads 
lying  about  on  the  floor  like  ninepins,  among  the  Turks,  where  a 
man’s  life  is  as  cheap  as  the  Half-penny  Hatch.  I  was  with  that 
famous  Commander  Baron  Trenck  *  when  his  Pandours — of  whom 
I  was  one — broke  into  Mutiny.  He  drew  a  pistol  from  his  belt,  and 
said,  “  I  shall  decimate  you.”  And  he  began  to  count  Ten,  “  one, 
two,  three,  four,  ’  ’  and  so  on,  till  he  came  to  the  tenth  man,  whom 
he  shot  Dead.  And  then  he  took  to  counting  again,  until  he  ar¬ 
rived  at  the  second  Tenth.  That  man’s  brains  he  also  blew  out.  I 
was  the  tenth  of  the  third  batch,  but  I  never  blenched.  Trenck 
happily  held  his  hand  before  he  came  to  Me.  The  Pandours  cried 
out  that  they  would  submit,  although  I  never  spoke  a  word;  he 
forgave  us;  and  I  had  a  flask  of  Tokay  with  him  in  his  tent  that 
very  after-dinner.  I  have  seen  a  man  keel-hauled  at  sea,  and 
brought  up  on  the  other  side,  his  face  all  larded  with  barnacles  like 
a  Shrove- :ide  capon.  Thrice  I  have  stood  beneath  the  yardarm  with 
the  rope  round  my  neck  (owing  to  a  king’s  ship  mistaking  the  char¬ 
acter  of  my  vessel).f  I  have  seen  men  scourged  till  the  muscles  of 
their  backs  were  laid  bare  as  in  a  Theater  of  Anatomy;  I  have 
watched  women’s  limbs  crackle  and  frizzle  in  the  flames  at  an  Act 
of  Faith,  with  the  King  and  Court — ay,  and  the  court-ladies  too 
— looking  on.  I  stood  by  when  that  poor  mad  wretch  Damiens  was 
pulled  to  pieces  by  horses  in  the  Gr&ve.  I  have  seen  what  the 
plague  could  do  in  the  galleys  at  Marseilles.  Death  and  I  have  been 
boon  companions  and  bedfellows.  He  has  danced  a  jig  with  me  on 
a  plank,  and  ridden  bodkin,  and  gone  snacks  with  me  for  a  lump 
of  horseflesh  in  a  beleaguered  town;  but  no  man  can  say  that  John 
Dangerous  had  aught  but  a  bold  face  to  show  that  Phantom  who 
frights  nursemaids  and  rich  idle.people  so. 

*  The  Austrian,  not  the  Prussian  Trenck.— Ed. 

t  This  does  not  precisely  tally  with  the  Captain’s  disclaimer  of  feeling  any 
apprehension  when  passing  Execution  Dock.— Ed, 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


39 


And  yet,  now,  I  can  recall  tlie  cold  shudder  that  passed  through 
my  young  veins  when  my  Grandmother  died.  Of  all  days,  too, 
that  the  Thirtieth  of  January  should  have  been  ordered  for  her  pass¬ 
ing  away!  It  was  midwinter,  and  the  streets  were  white  with  In¬ 
nocent  Snow  when  she  was  taken  ill.  She  had  not  been  one  of 
those  trifling  and  trivanting  gentlewomen  that  pull  diseases  on  to  , 
their  pates  with  drums  and  routs,  and  late  hours,  and  hot  rooms, 
and  carding,  and  distilled  waters.  She  had  ever  been  of  a  most  sober 
conversation  and  temperate  habit;  so  that  the  prodigious  age  she 
reached  became  less  of  a  wonder,  and  the  tranquillity  with  which 
her  spirit  left  this  darksome  house  of  clay  seemed  mercifully  nat¬ 
ural.  They  had  noticed,  so  early  as  the  autumn  of  T9,  that  she 
was  decaying;  yet  had  the  roots  of  life  stricken  so  strongly  into 
earth  as  to  defy  that  Woodman  who  pins  his  faith  to  shaking  blasts 
at  first,  but  when  he  finds  that  windfalls  will  not  serve  his  turn, 
and  that  although  leaves  decay,  and  branches  are  swept  away,  and 
the  very  bark  is  stripped  off,  the  tree  dies  not,  takes  heart  of  grace, 
and  lays  about  him  with  his  Axe.  Then  one  blow  with  the  sharp 
suffices.  So  for  many  months  Death  ssemed  to  let  her  be,  as 
though  he  sat  down  quietly  by  her  side,  nursing  his  bony  chin,  and 
saying,  “  She  is  very  old  and  weak;  yet  a  little,  and  she  must  surely 
be  mine.”  Mistress  Talmash  appeared  to  me,  in  the  fantastic 
imagination  of  a  solitary  childhood,  to  take  such  a  part,  and  play  it 
to  the  Very  Death;  and  there  were  sidelong  glances  from  her  eyes 
and  pressures  of  her  lips,  and  a  thrusting  forth  of  her  hands  when 
the  cordial  or  the  potion  was  to  be  given,  that  seemed  to  murmur, 

“  Still  does  she  Tarry,  and  still  do  I  Wait.”  This  gentlewoman 
was  never  hard  or  impatient  with  my  Grandmother;  but  toward  the 
closing  scene,  for  all  the  outward  deference  she  observed  toward 
her,  ’twas  she  who  commanded,  and  the  Unknown  Lady  who 
obeyed.  Nor  did  I  fail  to  mark  that  her  bearing  was  toward  me 
fuller  of  a  kind  of  stern  authority  than  she  had  of  aforetime  pre¬ 
sumed  to  show,  and  that  she  seemed  to  be  waiting  for  me  too,  that 
she  might  work  her  will  upon  me. 

The  ecclesiastic  Father  Ruddlestone  was  daily,  and  for  many 
hours,  closeted  with  my  kinswoman  and  benefactress;  and  I  often, 
when  admitted  to  her  presence  after  one  of  these  parleys,  found  her 
much  dejected,  and  in  Tears.  He  had  always  maintained  a  ghostly 
sway  over  her,  and  was  in  these  latter  days  stern  with  her  almost 
to  harshness.  And  although  I  have  ever  disdained  eavesdropping 
and  couching  in  covert  places  to  hear  the  foregatherings  of  my  bet¬ 
ters  (which  some  honorable  persons  in  the  world’s  reckoning  scorn 


CAPTAIN-  DANGEROUS. 


not  to  do),  it  was  by  Chance,  and  not  by  Design,  that,  playing  one 
wintery  day  in  the  Withdrawing-room  adjoining  the  closet  where 
my  Grandmother  still  sat  among  her  relics,  I  heard  high  words — 
high,  at  least,  as  they  affected  one  person,  for  the  lady’s  rose  not 
above  a  mild  complaint;  and  Falher  Ruddlestone  coming  out,  said 
in  an  angry  tone : 

“  My  uncle  saved  the  King’s  life  when  he  was  in  the  Oak,  and 
his  soul  when  he  was  at  Whitehall;  and  I  will  do  his  bidding  by 
you  now.  ’  ’ 

”  The  Lord’s  will  be  done,  not  mine,”  my  Grandmother  said 
meekly. 

Then  Father  Ruddlestone  passed  into  the  Withdrawing-room,  and 
seeing  me  on  a  footstool,  playing  it  is  true  at  the  Battle  of  Hochstedt 
with  some  leaden  soldiers,  and  two  wooden  puppets  for  the  Duke 
and  Prince  Eugene,  but  still  all  agape  at  the  strange  wmls  that 
had  hit  my  sense,  he  catches  me  a  buffet  on  the  ear,  bidding  me 
mind  my  play,  and  not  listen,  else  I  should  hear  no  good  of  myself, 
or  of  what  an  osier  wand  might  haply  do  to  me.  And  that  a  change 
was  coming  was  manifest  even  in  this  rude -speech;  for  my  Grand¬ 
mother,  albeit  of  the  wise  King’s  mind  on  the  proper  ordering  of 
children,  and  showing  that  she  did  not  hate  me  when  I  needed 
chastening,  would  never  suffer  her  Domestics,  even  to  the  highest, 
to  lay  a  finger  upon  me. 

It  was  after  these  things,  and  while  I  was  crying  out,  more  in 
anger  than  with  the  smart  of  the  blow,  that  she  called  me  into  her 
closet  and  soothed  me,  giving  me  to  eat  of  that  much-prized  sweet¬ 
meat  she  said  was  once  such  a  favorite  solace  with  Queen  Mary  of 
Modena,  consort  of  the  late  King  James,  and  which  she  only  pro¬ 
duced  on  rare  occasions.  And  then  she  bewailed  my  hurt,  but  bade 
me  not  vex  her  Director,  who  was  a  man  of  much  holiness,  full, 
when  we  were  contrite,  of  healing  and  quieting  words;  but  then,  of 
a  sudden,  nipping  me  pretty  sharply  by  the  arm,  she  said: 

“  Child,  I  charge  thee  that  thou  abandon  that  fair  false  race,  and 
trust  no  man  whose  name  is  Stuart,  and  abide  not  by  their  fatal 
creed.”  In  remembrance  of  which,  although  I  am  by  descent  a 
Cavalier,  and  bound  by  many  bonds  to  the  old  Noble  House — and 
surely  there  was  never  a  Prince  that  carried  about  him  more  of  the 

far-bearing  blaze  of  Majesty  than  the  Chevalier  de  St.  G- - ,  and 

bears  it  still,  all  broken  as  he  is,  in  his  Italian  retreat — I  have  ever 
upheld  the  illustrious  House  of  Brunswick  and  the  Protestant  Suc¬ 
cession  as  by  Law  Established.  And  as  the  barking  of  a  dog  do  I 
contemn  those  scurril  flouts  and  obloquies  which  have  of  old  times 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


41 


tossed  me  upon  tongues,  and  said  of  me  that  I  should  play  fast  and 
loose  with  Jacobites  and  Hanoverians,  drinking  the  King  over  the 
Water  on  my  knees  at  night,  and  going  down  to  the  Cockpit  to  pour 
news  of  Jacobites  and  recusants  and  other  suspected  persons  into 
the  ears  of  Mr.  Secretary  in  the  morning.  .  Treason  is  Death  by  the 
Law,  and  legal  testimony  is  not  to  be  gainsaid;  but  I  abhor  those 
Iscariot-minded  wretches,  with  faces  like  those  who  Torture  the 
Saints  in  old  Hangings,  who  cry,  aha!  against  the  sanctuaries,  and 
trot  about  to  bear  false  witness.* 

There  were  no  more  quarrels  between  my  Grandmother  and  her 
Director.  Thenceforth  Father  Ruddlestone  ruled  over  her;  and  one 
proof  of  his  supremacy  was,  that  she  forewent  the  use  of  that  Com¬ 
mon  Prayer-Book  of  our  Anglican  Church  which  had  been  her 
constant  companion.  From  which  I  conjecture  that,  after  long 
wavering  and  temporizing,  even  to  the  length  of  having  the  Father 
in  her  household,  she  had  at  length  returned  to  or  adopted  the 
ancient  faith.  But  although  the  Substance  of  our  Ritual  was  now 
denied  her,  she  was  permitted  to  retain  its  Shadow ;  and  for  hours 
would  sit  gazing  upon  the  torn-off  cover  of  the  book,  with  its  de¬ 
vice  of  the  crown  and  crossed  axes,  in  sad  memory  of  K.  C.  Ist. 


A  most  mournful  Christmas  found  her  still  growing  whiter  and 
weaker,  and  nearer  her  End.  At  this  ordinarily  joyful  season  of 
the  year,  it  was  her  commendable  custom  to  give  great  alms  gway 
to  the  poor — among  whom  at  all  times  she  was  a  very  DorcaSfn-bc- 
stowing  not  only  gifts  of  money  to  the  clergy  for  division  apfcong 
the  needy,  but  sending  also  a  dole  of  a  hundred  shillings  to the.  $oor 
prisoners  in  the  Marslialsea,  as  many  to  Ludgate,  apd,#ien(ffite- 
house,  and  the  Fleet — surely  prisons  for  debt  were,,  as  plqn^fql  as 
blackberries  when  I  was  young!— and  giving  away  besi^esf  large 
store  of  bread,  meat,  and  blankets  at  her  own  jdpqr  ip  Jl^ppver 
Square;  a  custom  then  pleasantly  common  among  people  of  qqaiity, 
but  now — when  your  parish  Overseer,  forsooth,  eats  ,up4li.e>vYGry 
marrow  of  the  poor— fallen  sadly  into  disuse.  They  are  .fever 
striking  Poor’s  Rates  against  householders,  and  will  not  Jake  clip¬ 
ped  money;  whereas  in  my  day  Private  Charity,  and  a  King  s  let¬ 
ter  in  aid  from  the  pulpit  now  and  then,  were  enough;  and, , for, my 


i  Pint  *  ) 

*  I  do  not  find  it  in  the  memoirs  of  his  adventures,  but  in  an  old  volume.of  the 
Annual  Register  I  find  that,  in  the  year  1778,  one  Captain  Dangerous  gave  im-^  ( 
portant  evidence  for  the  crown  against  poor  Mr.  Tremenheere,  who  suffered^  o 
Tyburn  for  fetching  and  carrying  between  the  French  King  and  some  ma^ai^ 
tents  in  this  country,  notably  for  giving  information  as  to  the  condition  pf 


$ock-yar<fe— 


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a 


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ro 


°<y 


* 


42 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


part,  I  would  sooner  see  a  poor  rogue  soundly  firked  at  the  post,  and 
then  comforted  with  a  bellyful  of  bread  and  cheese  and  beer  by  the 
constable,  and  so  passed  on  to  his  belongings,  than  that  he  should  be 
clapped  up  in  a  workhouse,  to  pick  oakum  and  suck  his  paws  like 
a  bear,  while  Master  Overseer  gets  tun-stomached  over  shoulder  of 
veal  and  burned  brandy  at  vestry-dinners.  For  it  is  well  known, 
to  the  shame  of  Authority,  that  these  things  all  come  out  of  the 
Poor  Rate. 

Ere  my  Grandmother  was  brought  so  low,  she  would  sit  in  state 
on  almsgiving  morning,  which  was  the  day  after  Christmas;  and 
the  more  decent  of  her  bedesmen  and  bedeswomen  would  be  admit¬ 
ted  to  her  presence  to  pay  their  duty,  and  drink  her  health  in  a  cup 
of  warm  ale  on  the  staircase.  Also  the  little  children  from  Lady 
Viellcastel’s  charity-school  would  be  brought  to  her  by  their  gov- 
emante  to  have  cakes  and  new  groats  given  to  them,  and  to  sing 
one  of  those  sweet  tender  Christmas  hymns  which  surely  fall  upon 
a  man’s  heart  like  sweet-scented  balsam  on  a  wound.  And  the 
beadle  of  St.  George’s  would  bring  a  great  bowpot  of  such  hues  as 
Christmas  would  lend  itself  to,  and  have  a  bottle  of  wine  and  a 
bright  broad  guinea  for  his  fee;  while  his  Reverence  the  rector 
would  attend  with  a  suitable  present — such  as  a  satin  work-bag  or 
a  Good  Book,  the  cover  ’broidered  by  his  daughters— and,  when  he 
sat  at  meat,  find  a  bank-bill  under  his  platter,  which  was  always  of 
silver.  And  I  warrant  you  his  Reverence’s  eyes  twinkled  as  much  at 
tiie  bill  as  at  the  plum-porridge,  and  that  he  feigned  not  to  see 
Father  Ruddlestone,  if  perchance  he  met  that  foreign  person  on 
the  staircase,  or  in  the  store-office  where  Mistress  Nancy  Talmash 
kept  mifny  a  toothsome  cordial  and  heart-warming  strong  water. 

This  dismal  Christmas  none  of  these  pleasant  things  were  done. 
My  Lady  gave  one  Sum  to  her  steward,  Mr.  Cadwallader,  and  bade 
him  dispose  of  it  according  to  his  best  judgment  among  the  afflicted, 
bearing  not.  their  creed  or  politics  or  parish  in  mind,  but  their  ne¬ 
cessities.  And  I  was  bereft  of  a  joyful  day;  for  in  ordinary  she 
would  be  pleased  that  I  should  be  her  little  almoner,  and  hand  the 
purses  with  the  groats  in  them  to  the  poor  almsfolk.  What  has  be¬ 
come,  1  wonder,  of  those  good  old  customs  of  giving  away  things 
at  Christmas-tides?  Where  is  the  Lord  Mayor’s  dole  of  beef-pies  to 
vthe  vagrant  people  that  lurk  in  St.  Martin ’s-le- Grand,  that  new 
satia?  Where  i3  the  Queen’s  gift  of  an  hundred  pounds  to  the 
ts^essed  people  who  took  up  quarters  in  Somerset  House?  Where 
the  thousand  guineas  which  the  Majesty  of  England  was  used 
^end  every  New-Year’s  morning  to  the  High  Bailiff  of  Westmin- 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


43 


ster  to  be  parted  among  the  poor  of  the  Liberty?  Nothing  seems  to 
be  given  nowadays.  ’Tis  more  caning  than  cakes  that  is  gotten  by 
the  charity  children;  and  master  Collector,  the  Jackanapes,  is  for¬ 
ever  knocking  at  my  door  for  Poor’s  Rates. 

In  the  middle  of  January  my  Grandmother  was  yet  weaker. 
Straw  was  laid  before  her  door,  and  daily  prayers — for  of  course  the  , 
Rector  knew  nothing  about  Father  Ruddlestone — were  put  up  for 
her  at  St.  George’s.  And  I  think  also  she  was  not  forgotten  in  the 
orisons  of  those  who  attended  the  chapel  of  the  Venetian  Envoy, 
and  in  that  permitted  to  the  use  of  the  French  Ambassador.  Dr. 
Vigors  was  now  daily  in  attendance,  with  many  other  learned  physi¬ 
cians,  who  almost  fought  in  the  antechambers  on  the  treatment  to 
be  observed  toward  this  sick  person.  One  was  for  cataplasms  of 
bran  and  Venice  turpentine,  another  for  putting  live  pigeons  to  her 
feet,  another  for  a  potion  of  hot  wine  strained  through  gold-leaf 
and  mingled  with  hellebore  and  chips  of  mandrake.  Warwick  Lane 
suggested  mint-tea,  and  Pall  Mall  was  all  for  bleeding.  This  Pall 
Mall  physician  was  about  the  most  passionate  little  man,  with  the 
biggest  ruffles  and  the  tallest  gold-headed  cane  I  ever  saw.  His 
name  was  Toobey. 

“  Blood,  sir!  there’s  nothing  like  blood!”  he  would  cry  to  Dr. 
Vigors;  and  he  cried  out  for  “  blood,  sir,”  till  you  might  fancy 
that  he  was  a  butcher  or  a  herald-at-arms,  or  a  housewife  making 
black  puddings. 

Says  Dr.  Vigors  in  a  Rage,  “  You  are  nothing  but  a  barber- 
surgeon,  brother,  and  learned  shaving  on  a  sheep’s  head,  and  phle¬ 
botomy  on  a  cow  that  had  the  falling  fever.” 

“  Mountebank  and  quacksalver!”  answers  my  passionate  gentle¬ 
man,  “  you  bought  your  diploma  from  one  that  forges  seamen’s 
certificates  in  Sopar  Lane!” 

“  Go  to,-  metamorphosed  and  two-legged  ass!  Where  is  your 
worship’s  stage  in  the  Stocks  Market,  with  pills  to  purge  the  vapors, 
and  powders  to  make  my  lady  in  love  with  her  footman,  and  a  lying 
proclamation  on  every  post,  and  a  black  boy  behind  you  to  beat  on 
the  cymbals  when  you  draw  out  teeth  with  the  kitchen  pliers.” 

“  Rogue!”  screams  Dr.  Toobey,  “  but  for  the  worshipful  house 
we  are  in,  I  would  batoon  you  to  a  mummy.” 

“Mummy  forsooth!”  the  other  retorts;  “  Mummy  with  a  mur¬ 
rain!  Why,  you  dug  up  your  grandmother,  and  pounded  her  up 
with  conserve  of  myrrh,  and  called  the  stuff  King  Pharaoh,  that 
was  sovereign  to  cure  the  strangury.” 

“  Better  to  do  that,”  quoth  Toobey,  calming  down  into  mere  give 


44 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


and  take — for  lie  had,  in  truth,  done  some  droll  things  in  mummy 
medicaments —  ‘  than  to  have  been  a  Fleet  parson,  that  was  forced 
to  sell  ale  and  couple  beggars  for  a  living,  and  turned  doctor  when 
he  had  cured  a  bad  leg  for  one  that  had  lain  too  long  in  the  bilboes.  ’  ’ 

This  was  too  much  for  Dr.  Vigors,  who  had  once  been  in  orders, 
and  was  still  a  Nonjuror,  winked  at,  for  his  skill’s  sake,  by  Author¬ 
ity.  He  was  for  rushing  on  the  Pall  Mall  mummy-doctor  and 
tousling  of  his  wig,  when  Mistress  Talmash  came  out  of  her  lady’s 
closet,  and  told  them  that  she  was  fainting.  This  was  the  way  that 
doctors  disagreed  when  I  was  young,  and  I  fancy  that  they  don’t 
agree  much  better  now. 

She  lingered  on,  however,  still  resolutely  refusing  to  take  to  her 
bed,  and  seeing  me,  if  only  for  a  moment,  every  day,  for  yet  an¬ 
other  fortnight.  On  the  Twentieth  of  January,  it  was  her  humor 
to  receive  the  visit  of  a  certain  great  nobleman.  Very  many  of  the 
quality  had  daily  waited  upon  her,  or  had  sent  their  gentlemen  to 
inquire  after  her;  but  for  many  weeks  she  had  seen  none  but  her 
own  household.  The  nobleman  I  speak  of  had  lately  come  down 
from  the  Bath,  where  he  had  been  taking  the  waters;  for  he  was 
full  of  years,  and  of  Glory,  and  of  infirmities.  A  message  went  to 
his  grand  house  in  Pall  Mall,  and  he  presently  waited  on  my  Grand¬ 
mother.  He  was  closeted  with  her  for  an  hour,  when  the  tap  of 
my  Grandmother’s  cane  against  the  wainscot  summoned  Mistress 
Talmash,  and  she,  doing  her  errand,  brought  me  into  the  presence. 

“My  Lord,”  whispered  my  Grandmother,  as  she  drew  me 
toward  her,  and  gave  me  a  kiss  that  was  almost  of  a  whisper  too. 
so  feebly  geatle  was  it — “My  Lord  Duke,  will  you  be  pleased  to 
lay  your  hand  on  the  boy’s  head  and  give  him  your  blessing,  and 
it  will  make  him  Brave.  ’  ’ 

He  smiled  sadly  at  her  fancy,  but  did  as  she  entreated.  He  laid 
a  hand  that  was  all  covered  with  jeweled  rings,  and  that  shook  al¬ 
most  as  much  as  my  Grandmother’s,  on  my  locks,  and  prattled  out 
to  me  something  about  being  a  good  boy  and  not  playing  cards. 
He,  too,  was  almost  gone.  He  had  a  mighty  wig,  and  velvet  clothes 
all  covered  with  gold  lace,  a  diamond  star,  and  broad  blue  ribbon; 
but  his  poor  swollen  legs  were  swathed  in  flannel,  and  he  was  so 
feeble  that  he  had  to  be  helped  down-stairs  by  two  lackeys.  I  too 
ran  down-stairs  unchecked,  and  saw  him  helped,  tottering,  into  his 
chair,  a  company  of  the  Foot-guards  surrounding  it;  for  he  was 
much  misliked  by  the  mobile  at  that  time,  and  few  cried,  God  bless 
him!  Indeed,  as  the  company  moved  away,  I  heard  a  ragged  fel¬ 
low  (who  should  have  been  laid  by  the  heels  for  it)  cry,  “  There 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


45 


goes  Starvation  Jack,  that  fed  his  soldiers  on  boiled  bricks  and 
baked  mortar.  ’  ’ 

“  He  is  a  Whig  now,”  said  my  Grandmother  to  me,  when  I  re¬ 
joined  her;  “  but  he  was  of  the  bravest  among  men,  and  in  the  old 
days  loved  the  true  King  dearly.” 

When  this  man  was  young  and  poor,  the  mobile  used  to  call 
him  “  Handsome  Jack.”  When  he  was  rich  and  old  and  famous, 
he  was  “  Starvation  Jack  ”  to  them.  And  of  such  are  the  caprices 
of  a  vain,  precipitate  age.  But  I  am  glad  I  saw  him.  Whig  and 
pinchpenny  as  he  was.  I  am  proud  of  having  seen  this  Great  Cap¬ 
tain  and  Prince  of  the  Holy  Roman  Empire.  The  King  of  Prussia, 
the  Duke  of  Cumberland,  my  Lord  George  Sackville,  Marshal 
Biron,  Duke  Richelieu,  and  many  of  the  chiefest  among  the  Turk¬ 
ish  bashaws,  have  I  known  and  conversed  with;  but  I  still  feel  that 
Man’s  trembling  hand  on  my  head;  my  blood  is  still  fired,  as  at  the 
sound  of  a  trumpet,  by  the  remembrance  of  his  voice;  I  still  rejoice 
at  my  fortune  in  having  set  eyes,  if  only  for  a  moment,  on  John 
Churchill,.  Duke  of  Marlborough. 

It  was  on  the  Twenty-ninth  of  January  (O.S.)  that  our  servants 
who  had  declared  to  having  heard  the  death-watch  ticking  for  days, 
asserted  that  those  ominous  sounds  grew  faster  and  faster,  resolving 
themselves  at  length  into  those  five  distinct  taps,  with  a  break  be¬ 
tween,  which  are  foolishly  held  by  the  vulgar  to  spell  out  the  word 
death.  And  although  the  noise  came  probably  from  some  harm¬ 
less  insect,  or  from  a  rat  nibbling  at  the  wainscot,  that  sound  never 
meets  my  ear — and  I  have  heard  it  on  board  ship  many  a  time,  and 
in  jail,  and  in  my  tent  in  the  desert — without  a  lump  of  ice  sliding 
down  my  back.  As  for  Ghosts,  John  Dangerous  has  seen  too 
many  of  them  to  be  frightened.* 

That  night  I  slept  none.  It  was  always  my  lot  in  that  huge  house 
to  be  put,  little  fellow  as  I  was,  in  the  hugest  of  places.  My  bed 
was  as  spacious  as  a  Turkish  divan.  Its  yellow  silken  quilt,  lined 
with  eider-down,  and  embroidered  with  crimson  flowers,  was  like 
a  great  waving  field  of  ripe  corn  with  poppies  in  it.  When  I  lay 
down,  great  weltering  waves  of  Bed  came  and  rolled  over  me:  and 
my  bolster  alone  was  as  big  as  the  cook’s  hammock  at  sea,  who  has 
always  double  bedding,  being  swollen  with  other  men’s  rations. 
This  bed  had  posts  tall  and  thick  enough  to  have  been  Gerard  the 
Giant’s  lancing-pole,  that  used  to  stand  in  the  midst  of  the  bake- 

*  Captain  Dangerous  was,  unconsciously,  of  the  same  mind  with  Samuel 
Taylor  Coleridge.— Ed. 


46 


CAPTAIN  DANGEKOUS. 


\ 

house  in  Basing  Lane;  and  its  curtains  of  yellow  taffety  hung  in 
folds  so  thick  that  I  always  used  to  think  birds  nestled  among 
them.  That  night  I  dreamed  that  the  bed  was  changed  into  our  great 
red  pew  at  St.  George’s,  only  that  it  was  hung  with  dark  velvet  in 
stead  of  scarlet  baize,  and  that  the  clergyman  in  the  pulpit  over¬ 
head,  with  a  voice  angrier  than  ever,  was  reading  that  service  for 
the  martyrdom  of  K.  C.  Ist,  which  I  had  heard  so  often.  And  then 
methought  my  dream  changed,  and  two  Great  Giants  with  heading- 
axes  came  striding  over  the  bed,  so  that  I  could  feel  their  heavy 
feet  on  my  breast;  but  their  heads  were  lost  in  the  black  sky  of  the 
bed’s  canopy.  Horror!  they  stooped  down,  and  lo,  they  were  head¬ 
less,  and  from  their  sheared  shoulders  and  their  great  hatchets 
dripped,  dripped,  forever  dripped,  great  gouts  of  something  hot 
that  came  into  my  mouth  and  tasted  Salt!  And  I  woke  up  with 
my  hair  all  in  a  dabble  with  the  night  dews,  with  my  Grand¬ 
mother’s  voice  ringing  in  my  ears,  “  Remember  the  Thirtieth  of 
January!”  Mercy  on  me!  I  had  that  dream  again  last  night;  and 
the  Giants  with  their  axes  came  striding  over  these  old  bones — then 
they  changed  to  a  headless  Spaniard  and  a  bleeding  Nun;  but  the 
voice  that  cried,  “Remember!”  spake  not  in  the  English  tongue, 
and  was  not  my  Grandmother’s.  And  the  hair  of  my  flesh  stood 
up,  as  Job’s  did. 

In  the  morning,  when  the  clouds  of  night  broke  up  from  Ihe  pale 
winter’s  sky,  and  went  trooping  away  like  so  many  funeral  coach- 
horses  to  their  stable,  they  told  me  that  my  Grandmother  was 
Dead;  that  she  had  passed  away  when  the  first  cock  crew,  softly 
sighing,  “Remember.”  It  was  a  dreadful  thing  for  me  that  I 
could  not,  for  many  hours,  weep;  and  that  for  this  lack  of  tears  I 
was  reproached  for  a  hardened  ingrate  by  those  who  were  now  to 
be  my  most  cruel  governors.  But  I  could  not  cry.  The  grief 
within  me  baked  my  tears,  and  I  could  only  stare  all  round  at  the 
great  desert  of  woe  and  solitude  that  seemed  to  have  suddenly  grown 
up  around  me.  That  morning,  for  the  first  time,  I  was  left  to  dress 
myself;  and  when  I  crept  down  to  the  parlor,  I  found  no  breakfast 
laid  out  for  me — no  silver  tankard  of  new  milk  with  a  clove  in  it, 
no  manchet  of  sweet  diet  bread,  no  egg  on  a  trencher  in  a  little 
heap  of  salt.  I  asked  for  my  breakfast,  and  was  told,  for  a  young- 
cub,  that  I  might  get  it  in  the  kitchen.  It  would  have  gone  hard 
with  me  if,  in  my  Grandmother’s  time,  I  had  entered  that  place  to 
her  knowledge;  but  all  things  were  changed  to  me  now,  and  when 
I  entered  the  kitchen,  the  cook,  nay,  the  very  scullion- wench,  never 
moved  for  me.  John  Footman  sat  on  the  dresser  drinking  a  mug 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


47 


of  purl  that  one  of  the  maids  had  made  for  him.  The  cook  leered 
at  me,  while  another  saucy  slut  handed  me  a  great  lump  of  dry  bread, 
and  a  black-jack  with  some  dregs  of  the  smallest  beer  at  the  bot¬ 
tom.  What  had  I  done  to  merit  such  uncivil  treatment? 

By  and  by  comes  Mr.  Cadwallader  with  a  sour  face,  and  orders 
me  to  my  chamber,  and  get  a  chapter  out  of  Deuteionomy  by  heart 
by  dinner-time,  “  Or  you  keep  double  fast  for  Martyrdom-day,  my 
young  master,”  he  says,  looking  most  evilly  at  me. 

“  Young  master,  indeed,”  Mrs.  Nancy  repeated;  “  young  master 
and  be  saved  to  us.  A  parish  brat  rather.  No  man’s  child  but  his 
that  to  hit  you  must  throw  a  stone  over  Bridewell  Wall.  Up  to 
your  chamber,  little  varlet,  and  learn  thy  chapter.  There  are  to  be 
no  more  counting  of  beads  or  mumblings  over  hallowed  beans  in 
this  house.  Up  with  you;  times  are  changed.  ” 

Why  should  this  woman  have  been  my  foe?  She  had  been  a 
cockering,  fawning  nurse  to  me  not  so  many  months  ago.  Months! 
-—yesterday.  Why  should  the  steward,  who  was  used  to  flatter  and 
caress  me,  now  frown  and  threaten  like  some  harsh  taskmaster  of  a 
Clink,  where  wantons  are  sent  to  be  whipped  and  beat  hemp!  I 
slunk  away  scared  and  cowed,  and  tried  to  learn  a  chapter  out  of 
Deuteronomy;  but  the  letters  all  danced  up  and  down  before  my 
eyes,  and  the  one  word  “  Remember,”  in  great  scarlet  characters, 
seemed  stamped  on  every  page.  •“ 

It  should  have  been  told  that  between  <my  seventh  and  my  eighth 
year  I  had  been  sent,  not  only  to  church^  but  to  school;  but  my 
Grandmother  deeming  me  too  tender  for  the  besom  discipline  of  a 
schoolmaster — from  which  even  the  Quality  were  not  at  that  time 
spared — I  was  put  under  the  government  of  a  dis'ereet  matron,  who 
taught  not  only  reading  and  writing,  but  also  brboaded  waistcoats 
for  gentlemen,  and  was  great  caudle-maker  at  christenings.  It  was 
the  merriest  and  gentlest  school  in  the  town.  We  werb  some  twenty 
little  boys  and  girls  together,  and  all  we  did  was  to  eat  sweetmeats, 
and  listen  to  our  dame  while  she  told  us  stories  about' Cock  Robin, 
Jack  the  Giant-Killer,  and  the  Golden  Gardener.  Now 'and  then, 
to  be  sure,  some  roguish  boy  would  put  pepper  in  her <  snuff-box, 
or  some  saucy  girl  hide  her  spectacles;  but  she  never  laid1  hands  on 
us,  and  called  us  her  lambs,  her  sweethearts,  and  the  like  endear¬ 
ing  expressions.  She  was  the  widow  of  an  Irish  Colonel  who 
suffered  in  the  year  ’96,  for  his  share  in  Sir  John  Fenwick's  con¬ 
spiracy;  and  I  think  she  had  been  at  one  time  a  tiring- wTom!an  to 
my  Grandmother,  whom  she  held  in  the  utmost  awe  and  reverdnce. 

I  often  pass  Mrs.  Triplet’s  old  school-house  in  what  is  now  called 


48 


CAPTAIN  DANGEKOUS. 


Major  Foubert’s  Passage,  and  recall  the  merry  old  days  when  I 
went  to  a  schoolmistress  who  could  teach  her  scholars  nothing  but 
to  love  her  dearly.  It  was  to  my  Grandmother,  a  kind  but  strict 
woman,  to  whom  I  owed  what  scant  reading  and  writing  ken  I  had 
at  eight  years  of  age. 

Rudely  and  disdainfully  treated  as  I  now  was,  my  governors 
thought  it  fit,  for  the  world’s  sake,  that  I  should  be  put  into  decent 
mourning;  for  my  Grandmother’s  death  could  not  be  kept  from 
the  Quality,  and  there  was  to  be  a  grand  funeral.  She  lay  in  State 
in  her  great  bed-chamber;  tapers  in  silver  sconces  all  around  her,  an 
Achievement  of  arms  in  a  lozenge  at  her  head,  the  walls  all  hung 
with  fine  black  cloth  edged  with  orris,  and  pieced  with  her  escutch¬ 
eon,  properly  blazoned;  and  she  herself,  white  and  sharp  as  wax- 
work  in  her  face  and  hands,  arrayed  in  her  black  dress,  with  crim¬ 
son  ribbons  and  crimson  scarf,  and  a  locket  of  gold  on  her  breast. 
They  would  not  bury  her  with  her  rubies,  but  these,  too,  were  laid 
upon  her  bier,  which  was  of  black  velvet,  and  with  a  fair  Holland 
sheet  over  all. 

Not  alone  the  chamber  itself,  but  the  anterooms  and  staircase 
were  hung  from  cornice  to  skirting  with  black.  The  undertaker’s 
men  were  ever  in  the  house;  they  eat  and  drank  Avhole  mountains 
of  beef  and  bread,  whole  seas  of  ale  and  punch  (thus  to  qualify 
their  voracity)  in  the  servants ’-hall.  They  say  my  Grandmother’s 
funeral  cost  a  thousand  pounds,  which  Cadwallader  and  Mrs.  Tal- 
mash  would  really  have  grudged,  but  that  it  was  the  will  of  the  ex¬ 
ecutors,  who  were  persons  of  condition,  and  more  powerful  than  a 
steward  and  a  waiting- woman.  In  her  own  testament  my  Grand¬ 
mother  said  nothing  about  the  ordering  of  her  obsequies;  but  her 
executors  took  upon  them  to  provide  her  with  such  rites  as  be¬ 
seemed  her  degree.  In  those  days  the  Quality  were  very  rich  in 
their  deaths;  and,  for  my  part,  I  dissent  from  the  starveling  and 
nipche’ese  performances  of  modern  funerals.  It  is  most  true  that  a 
hole  in  the  sand,  or  a  coral-reef,  full  fathom  five,  has  been  at  many 
tinies  my  likeliest  Grave;  but  I  have  left  it  nevertheless  in  my  Will 
—which  let  those  who  come  after  me  dispute  if  they  dare — that  I 
may  be  buried  as  a  Gentleman  of  long  descent,  with  all  due  Blacks, 
and  Plumes,  and  Lights,  and  a  supper  for  my  friends,  and  mourn¬ 
ing  cloaks  for  six  poor  men. 

Why  the  doctors  should  have  remained  ip  Ihe  house  jangling  and 
glozing  in  the  very  lobby  of  Death,  and  eating  of  cold  meats  and 
drinking  of  sweet  wine  in  the  parlor,  after  Ihe  breath  was  out  of 
the  body  of  their  patient  and  patroness,  it  passes  me  to  say]  as  well 

*  N 


5 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


49 


should  a  player  tarry  upon  the  Stage  long  after  the  epilogue  has 
been  spoken,  the  curtain  lowered,  and  the  lights  all  put  out.  Yet 
were  Pall  Mall  and  Warwick  Lane  faithful,  not  only  unto  the  death 
but  beyond  it,  to  Hanover  Square.  A  coachful  of  these  grave  gen¬ 
tlemen  were  bidden  to  the  burial,  although  it  was  probable  that 
words  would  run  so  high  among  them  as  for  wigs  to  be  tossed  out 
of  the  windows.  And  although  it  is  but  ill  fighting  and  base  fence 
to  draw  upon  a  foe  in  a  coach,  I  think  (so  bitter  are  our  Physicians 
against  one  another)  that  they  would  make  but  little  ado  in  break¬ 
ing  their  blades  in  halves  and  stabbing  at  one  another  crosswise  as 
they  sat,  with  their  handkerchiefs  for  hilts. 

It  was  on  the  eighth  night  after  her  demise,  and  at  half- past  nine 
of  the  clock,  that  my  Grandmother  was  Buried.  I  was  dressed 
early  in  the  afternoon  in  a  suit  of  black,  full  trimmed,  falling  bands 
of  white  cambric,  edged,  and  a  little  mourning- sword  with  a  crape 
knot,  and  slings  of  black  velvet.  Then  Mrs.  Talmash  knotted 
round  my  neck  a  mourning-cloak  that  was  about  eight  times  too 
large  for  me,  and  with  no  gentle  hand  flattened  on  my  head  a  hat 
bordered  by  heavy  sable  plumes.  On  the  left  shoulder  of  my  cloak 
there  was  embroidered  in  gold  and  colored  silks  a  little  escutcheon  of 
arms;  and  with  this,  in  my  child-like  way,  my  fingers  hankered  to 
play;  but  with  threats  that  to  me  were  dreadful,  and  not  without 
sundry  nips  and  pinches,  and  sly  clouts,  I  was  bidden  to  be  still, 
and  stir  not  from  a  certain  stool  apportioned  to  me  in  the  great 
Withdraw-ing-room.  Not  on  this  side  of  the  tomb  shall  I  forget 
the  weary,  dreary  sense  of  desolation  that  came  over  me  when, 
thus  equipped,  or  rather  swaddled  and  hampered  in  garments  strange 
to  me,  and  of  which  I  scarcely  knew  the  meaning,  I  was  left  alone 
for  many  hours  in  a  dismal  room,  whose  ancient  splendor  was  now 
all  under  the  eclipse  wrought  by  the  undertakers.  And  I  pray  that 
few  children  may  so  cruelly  and  suddenly  have  their  happiness 
taken  away  from  them,  and  from  pampered  darlings  become  all  at 
once  despised  and  friendless  outcasts. 

By  and  by  the  house  began  to  fill  with  company;  and  one  that 
was  acting  as  Groom  of  the  Chambers,  and  marshaling  the  guests 
to  their  places,  I  heard  whisper  to  the  Harbinger,  who  first  called 
out  the  names  at  the  Stair-head,  that  Clarencieux,  king-at-arms 
(who  was  then  wont  to  attend  the  funerals  of  the  Quality,  and  to  be 
gratified  with  heavy  fees  for  his  office;  although  in  our  days  ’tis 
only  public  noblemen,  generals,  embassadors,  and  the  like,  who 
are  so  honored  at  their  interment,  only  undertaker’s  pageantry  be¬ 
ing  permitted  to  the  private  sort)— that  Clarencieux  himself  might 

'  ■ 

■S  X/ 


50 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


have  attended  to  marshal  the  following,  and  proclaim  the  Style  of 
the  Departed;  but  that  it  was  ordered  by  Authority  that,  as  in  her 
life  her  name  and  honors  had  been  kept  secret,  so  likewise  in  her 
death  she  was  to  remain  an  Unknown  Lady.  How  such  a  reticence 
was  found  to  jump  with  the  dictates  of  the  law,  which  required  a 
registry  of  all  dead  persons  in  the  parish-books,  I  know  not;  but  in 
that  time  there  were  many  things  suffered  to  the  Greal  which  to  the 
meaner  kind  would  have  been  sternly  denied;  and,  indeed,  I  have 
since  heard  tell  that  sufferance  even  went  beyond  the  concealment 
of  her  Name,  and  that  she  was  not  even  buried  in  woolen — a  thing 
then  very  strictly  insisted  upon,  in  order  to  encourage  the  staple 
manufacturers  of  Lancashire  and  the  North — and  that,  either  by  a 
Faculty  from  the  Arches  Court,  or  a  winking  and  conniving  of 
Authority,  she  was  placed  in  her  coffin  in  the  same  garb  in  which 
she  had  lain  in  state.  Of  such  sorry  mocks  and  sneers  as  to  the 
velvet  of  her  funeral  coffer  being  nearer  Purple  than  Crimson  in  its 
hue,  and  of  my  mourning  cloak  being  edged  with  a  narrow  strip  of 
a  Violet  tinge — as  though  to  hint  in  some  wise  that  my  Grandmother 
was  foregathered,  either  by  descent  or  by  marital  alliance  with 
Royalty — I  take  little  account.  ’Tis  not  every  one  who  is  sprung 
from  the  loins  of  a  King  who  cares  to  publish  the  particulars  of  his 
lineage,  and  John  Dangerous  may  perchance  be  one  of  such  dis¬ 
creet  men. 

The  doctors  had  been  so  long  in  the  house  that  their  names  and 
their  faces  were  familiar  to  me,  not  indeed  as  friends,  but  as  that 
kind  of  acquaintance  one  may  see  every  day  for  twenty  years,  and 
be  not  grieved  some  morning  if  news  comes  that  they  are  dead. 
Such  an  eye-acquaintance  passes  my  windows  every  morning.  I 
know  his  face,  his  form,  his  hat  and  coat,  the  very  tie  of  his  wig 
and  the  fashion  of  his  shoe-buckle;  but  he  is  no  more  to  me  than  I 
am  haply  to  him,  and  there  would  be  scant  weeping,  I  opine,  be¬ 
tween  us  if  either  of  us  were  to  die.  So  I  knew  these  doctors  and 
regarded  them  little,  wondering  only  why  they  eat  and  drunk  so 
much,  and  could  so  ill  conceal  their  hatred  as  to  be  calling  foul 
names,  and  well-nigh  threatening  fisticuffs,  while  Ihe  corse  of  my 
Grandmother  was  in  the  house.  But  of  the  body  of  those  who 
were  bidden  to  this  sad  ceremony,  I  had  no  knowledge  whatsoever. 
For  aught  I  knew,  they  might  have  been  players  or  bullies  and  Pic¬ 
cadilly  captains,  or  mere  undertaker’s  men  dressed  up  in  fine 
clothes;  yet,  believe  me,  it  is  no  foolish  pride,  or  a  dead  vanity  that 
prompts  me  to  surmise  that  there  were  those  who  came  to  my 
Grandmother’s  funeral  who  load  a  Claim  to  be  reckoned  amongst 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


51 


the  very  noblest  and  proudest  in  the  land.  Beneath  the  great 
mourning  cloaks  and  scarves,  1  could  see  diamond  stars  glistening, 
and  the  brave  sheen  of  green  and  crimson  ribbons.  I  desire  in  this 
particularity  to  confine  myself  strictly  to  the  Truth,  and  therefore 
make  no  vain  boast  of  a  Blue  Ribbon  “beings  seen  there,  thus  denot¬ 
ing  the  presence  of  a  Knight  of  the  most  noble  Order  of  the  Garter. 
I  leave  it  to  mine  enemies  to  lie,  and  to  cowardly  Jacks  to  boast  of 
their  own  exploits.  This  brave  gathering  was  not  void  of  women; 
but  they  were  closely  veiled  and  impenetrably  shrouded  in  their 
mourning  weeds,  so  that  of  their  faces  and  their  figures  I  am  not 
qualified  to  speak;  and  if  you  would  ask  me  that  which  I  remem¬ 
ber  chiefly  of  the  noble  gentlemen  who  were  present,  I  can  say  with 
conscience,  that  beyond  their  stars  and  ribbons,  I  was  only  stricken 
by  their  monstrous  and  portentous  Periwigs,  which  towered  in  the 
candle-light  like  so  many  great  tufts  of  plumage  atop  of  the  Pope’s 
Baldaquin,  which  I  have  seen  so  many  times  staggering  through 
the  great  aisles  of  St.  Peter’s  at  Rome. 

Your  humble  servant,  and  truly  humble  and  forlorn  he  was  that 
night,  was  placed  at  the  coffin’s  head;  it  being  part  of  that  black 
night’s  sport  to  hold  me  as  Chief  Mourner;  and,  indeed,  poor 
wretch,  I  had  much  to  mourn  for.  The  great  plumed  hat  they  had 
put  upon  me  flapped  and  swaled  over  my  eyes  so  as  almost  lo  blind 
me.  My  foot  was  forever  catching  in  my  great  mourning  cloak, 
and  I  on  the  verge  of  tripping  myself  up;  and  there  was  a  hot 
smoke  sweltering  from  the  tapers,  and  a  dreadful  smell  of  new 
black  cloth  and  sawdust  and  beeswax,  that  was  like  to  have  suffo¬ 
cated  me.  Infinite  was  the  relief  when  two  of  the  ladies  attired  in 
black,  who  had  sat  on  ether  side  of  me,  as  though  to  guard  me  from 
running  away,  lifted  me  gently  each  under  an  armpit,  and  held  me  ' 
up  so  that  I  could  see  the  writing  on  the  coffin-plate,  which  was  of 
embossed  silver  and  very  brave  to  view. 

“  Can  you  read  it  out,  my  little  man?”  a  deep  rich  voice  as  of  a 
lady  sounded  in  mine  ears. 

I  said,  with  much  trembling,  “  that  I  thought  I  could  spell  out 
the  words,  if  time  and  patience  were  accorded  me.” 

“  There  is  little  need,  child,”  the  voice  resumed.  “  I  will  read  it 
to  thee;”  and  a  black-gloved  hand  came  from  beneath  her  robe,  and 
she  took  my  hand,  and  holding  my  forefinger  not  ungently  made 
me  trace  the  writing  on  the  silver.  But  I  declare  that  I  can  remem¬ 
ber  little  of  that  Legend  now,  although  I  am  impressed  with  the 
belief  that  my  kinswoman’s  married  name  was  not  mentioned.  That 
it  was  merely  set  forth  that  she  was  the  Lady  D - ,  whose  maiden 


52 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


name  was  A.  G.,  and  that  she  died  in  London  in  the  90th  year  of 
her  age,  King  George  I.  being  king  of  England.  And  then  the 
smoke  of  the  tapers,  the  smell  of  the  cloth  and  the  wax,  and  the 
remembrance  of  my  Desolation,  were  too  much  for  me,  and  I  broke 
out  into  a  loud  wail,  and  was  so  carred  fainting  from  the  room; 
being  speedily,  however,  sufficiently  recovered  to  take  my  place  in 
the  coach  that  was  to  bear  us  Eastward. 

We  rode  in  sorrowful  solemnity  till  nigh  three  o’clock  that 
morning;  but  where  my  Grandmother  was  buried  I  never  knew. 
From  some  odd  hints  that  I  afterward  treasured  up,  it  seems  to  me 
that  the  coaches  parted  company  with  the  Hearse  somewhere  on 
the  road  to  Harwich;  but  of  this,  as  I  have  averred,  I  have  no  cer¬ 
tain  knowledge.  In  sheer  fatigue  I  fell  asleep,  and  woke  in  broad 
daylight  in  the  great  state-bed  at  Hanover  Square. 


CHAPTER  THE  FIFTH. 

I  AM  BARBAROUSLY  ABUSED  BY  THOSE  WHO  HAVE  CHARGE  OF 
ME,  AND  FLYING  INTO  CHARLWOOD  CHASE,  JOIN  THE  “  BLACKS.” 

In  the  morning,  the  wicked  people  into  whose  power  I  was  now 
delivered  came  and  dragged  me  from  my  bed  with  fierce  thumps, 
and  giving  me  coarse  and  rude  apparel,  forced  me  to  dress  myself 
like  a  beggar  boy.  I  had  a  wretched  little  frock  and  breeches  of 
gray  frieze,  ribbed  woolen  hose  and  clouted  shoes,  and  a  cap  that 
was  fitter  for  a  chimney-sweep  than  a  young  gentleman  of  Quality. 

I  was  to  go  away  in  the  Wagon,  they  told  me,  forthwith,  to 
School;  for  my  Grandmother — if  I  was  indeed  anybody’s  Grandson 
— had  left  me  nothing,  not  even  a  name.  Henceforth  I  was  to  be 
little  Scrub,  little  Ragamuffin,  little  boy  Jack.  All  the  unknowm 
Lady’s  property,  they  said,  was  left  to  Charities  and  to  deserving 
Servants.  There  was  not  a  penny  for  me,  not  even  to  pay  for  my 
Schooling;  but,  in  Christian  mercy,  Mrs.  Talmash  was  about  to 
have  me  taught  some  things  suitable  for  my  new  degree,  and  in 
due  time  have  me  apprenticed  to  some  rough  Trade,  in  which  I 
might  haply — if  I  were  not  hanged,  as  she  hinted  pretty  plainly, 
and  more  than  once — earn  an  honest  livelihood.  Meanwhile  I  was 
to  be  taken  away  in  the  Wagon,  as  though  I  were  a  Malefactor  go¬ 
ing  in  a  Cart  to  Tyburn. 

I  was  taken  down-stairs,  arrayed  in  my  new  garments  of  poverty 
and  disgrace,  and  drunk  in  a  last  long  look  at  my  dear  and  old  and 
splendid  Home.  How  little  did  I  think  that  I  should  ever  come  to 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


53 


look  upon  it  again,  and  that  it  would  be  my  own  House — mine,  a 
prosperous  and  honored  old  man!  The  undertaker’s  men  were 
busied  in  taking  down  the  rich  hangings,  and  guzzling  and  gorg¬ 
ing,  as  was  their  wont,  on  what  fragments  remained  of  the  banquet, 
ings  and  carousals  of  Death,  which  had  lasted  for  eight  whole  days. 
All  wretched  as  I  was,  I  should — so  easily  are  the  griefs  of  child¬ 
hood  assuaged  by  cates  and  dainties — have  been  grateful  for  the 
wing  of  a  chicken  or  a  glass  of  Canary;  but  this  was  not  to  be. 
John  a’  Nokes  and  John  a’  Styles  were  now  more  considered  than  I 
was,  and  I  was  pushed  and  bandied  about  by  fustian  knaves  and 
base  mechanics,  and  made  to  wait  for  full  half  an  hour  in  the  hall, 
as  though  I  had  been  the  by  blow  of  a  Running  Footman  promoted 
into  carrying  of  a  link. 

’Twas  Dick  the  Groom  that  took  me  to  the  Wagon.  Many  a 
time  he  had  walked  by  the  side  of  my  little  pony,  trotting  up  the 
Oxford  Road.  He  was  a  gross  unlettered  churl,  but  not  unkind: 
and  I  think  remembered  with  something  like  compunction  the  many 
pieces  of  silver  he  had  had  from  his  Little  Master. 

“It’s  mortal  hard,’’  he  said,  as  he  took  my  hand,  and  began 
lugging  me  along,  “that  your  grandam  should  have  died  and 
left  you  nothing.  ’Tis  all  clear  as  Bexley  ale  in  a  yard-glass.  Law¬ 
yers  ha’  been  reading  the  will  to  the  gentlefolks,  and  there’s  noth¬ 
ing  for  thee,  poor  castaway.” 

I  began  to  cry,  not  because  my  Grandmother  had  disinherited 
me,  but  because  this  common  horse-lout  called  me  a  “  castaway,” 
and  because  I  knew  myself  to  be  one. 

“  Don’t  fret,”  the  groom  continued;  “  there’ll  be  greet  enough 
for  thee  when  thou’rt  older;  for  thou’lt  have  a  hard  time  on’t,  ar 
my  name’s  not  Dick  Snaffle.” 

We  had  a  long  way  to  reach  the  Wagon,  which  started  from  a 
Tavern  called  the  Pillars  of  Hercules,  right  on  the  other  side  of 
Hyde  Park.  I  was  desperately  tired  when  we  came  thither,  and 
craved  leave  to  sit  on  a  bench  before  the  door,  between  the  Sign¬ 
post  and  the  Horse-trough.  So  low  was  I  fallen.  A  beggar  came 
alongside  of  me,  and  as  I  dozed  tried  to  pick  my  pocket.  There 
was  nothing  in  it — not  even  a  crust;  and  he  hit  me  a  savage  blow 
over  the  mouth  because  I  had  nothing  to  be  robbed  of.  Anon 
comes  Dick  Snaffle,  who,  telling  me  that  the  Saddler  of  Bawtry 
w^as  hanged  for  leaving  his  liquor,  and  that  he  had  no  mind  for  a 
halter  while  good  ale  was  to  be  drunk,  had  been  comforting  him¬ 
self  within  the  tavern;  and  he  finding  me  all  blubbered  with  grief 
at  the  blow  I  had  gotten  from  the  beggar,  fetches  him  a  sound 


54 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


kick;  and  so  the  two  fell  to  fighting,  till  out  comes  the  tapster, 
raving  at  Tom  Ostler  to  duck  the  cutpurse  cadger  in  the  Horse- 
trough.  There  was  much  more  sport  out-of-doors  in  my  young 
days  than  now. 

At  last  the  Wagon,  for  which  we  had  another  good  hour  to  wait, 
came  lumbering  up  to  the  Pillars  of  Hercules;  and  after  the 
Wagoner  had  fought  with  a  Grenadier,  who  wanted  to  go  to  Brent¬ 
ford  for  fourpence,  and  would  have  stabbed  the  man  with  his  bay¬ 
onet  had  not  his  hand  been  stayed,  the  Groom  took  me  up,  and  put 
me  on  the  straw  inside.  He  paid  the  Wagoner  some  money  for 
me,  and  also  gave  into  his  keeping  a  little  bundle,  containing,  I 
suppose,  some  change  of  raiment  for  me,  saying  that  more  would 
be  sent  after  me  when  needed;  and  so,  handing  him  too  a  letter,  he 
bade  me  Godd’en,  and  went  on  his  way  with  the  Grenadier,  a 
Sweep,  and  a  Gypsy  woman,  who  was  importunate  that  he  should 
cross  her  hand  with  silver,  in  order  that  he  might  know  all  about 
the  great  Fortune  that  he  was  to  wed,  as  Tom  Philbrick  did  in  the 
ballad.  And  this  was  the  way  in  which  the  Servants  of  the  Quality 
spent  their  forenoons  when  I  was  young. 

As  the  great  rumbling  chariot  creaked  away  westward,  there 
came  across  my  child-heart  a  kind  of  consciousness  that  I  had  been 
Wronged,  and  Cheated  out  of  my  inheritance.  Why  was  I  all  clad 
in  laces  and  velvet  bul  yesterday,  and  to-day  appareled  like  a  tramp¬ 
ing  peddler’s  foster-brat?  Why  was  I,  who  was  used  to  ride  in 
coaches,  and  on  pony-back,  and  on  the  shoulder  of  my  own  body- 
servant,  and  was  called  ‘  ‘  Little  Master,  ’  ’  and  made  much  of,  to  be 
carted  away  in  a  vile  dray  like  this?  But  what  is  a  child  of  eight 
years  old  to  do?  and  how  is  he  to  make  head  against  those  who  are 
older  and  wickeder  than  he?  I  knew  nothing  about  lawyers,  or 
wills,  or  the  Rogueries  of  domestics.  I  only  knew  that  I  had  been 
foully  and  shamefully  Abused  since  my  dear  Grandparent’s  death; 
and  in  that  wagon,  I  think,  as  I  lay  tumbling  and  sobbing  on  that 
straw,  were  first  planted  in  me  those  seeds  of  a  Wild,  and  some¬ 
times  Savage,  disposition  that  have  not  made  my  name  to  be  called 
“  Dangerous  ”  in  vain. 

We  were  a  small  and  not  a  very  merry  company  under  the  wagon 
tilt.  There  was  a  Tinker,  with  all  his  accouterments  of  pots  and 
kettles  about  him,  who  was  lazy,  as  most  Tinkers  are  when  not  at 
hard  work,  and  lay  on  his  back  chewing  straw,  and  cursing  me 
fiercely  whenever  I  moved.  There  was  a  Welsh  gentleman,  very 
ragged  and  dirty,  with  a  wife  raggeder  and  dirtier  than  he.  He 
was  addressed  as  Captain,  and  was  bound,  he  said,  for  Bristol,  to 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


55 


raise  soldiers  for  the  King’s  Service.  He  beat  his  wife  now  and 
then,  before  we  came  to  Hounslow.  There  were  the  Tinker’s  dog, 
a  great  terror  to  me;  for  although  he  feigned  to  sleep,  and  to  snore 
as  much  as  a  Dog  can  snore,  he  always  kept  one  little  red  eye  fixed 
upon  me,  and  gave  a  growl  and  made  a  Snap  whenever  I  turned  on 
the  straw.  There  was  the  Wagoner’s  child  that  was  sickly,  and 
continually  cried  for  its  mammy;  and  lastly  there  was  a  buxom 
servant-maid,  with  a  little  straw  hat  and  cherry  ribbons  over  a 
Luton  lace  mob,  and  a  pretty  flowered  gown  pulled  through  the 
placket-holes,  and  a  quilted  petticoat,  and  silver  buckles  in  her 
shoes,  and  black  mits,  who  was  going  home  to  see  her  Grandmother 
at  Stoke  Pogis — so  she  told  me,  and  made  me  bitterly  remember 
that  I  had  now  no  Grandmother — and  was  as  clean  and  bright  and 
smiling  as  a  new  pin,  or  the  milk-maids  on  May  morning  dancing 
round  the  brave  Garlands  that  they  have  gotten  from  the  silver¬ 
smiths  in  Cranbourn  Alley.  She  sat  prettily  crouched  up  on  her 
box  in  a  comer;  and  so,  with  the  Tinker  among  his  pots  and  ket¬ 
tles,  the  Welsh  Captain  and  his  Lady  on  sundry  bundles  of  rags, 
the  sickly  child  in  a  basket,  the  Tinker’s  dog  curled  up  in  his  Mas¬ 
ter’s  hat,  I  tossing  on  the  straw,  and  a  great  rout  of  crates  of  crock¬ 
ery,  rolls  of  cloth,  tea  and  sugar,  and  other  London  merchandise, 
which  the  Wagoner  was  taking  down  West,  as  a  return  cargo  for 
the  eggs,  poultry,  butcher’s  meat,  and  green  stutf  that  he  had 
brought  up,  made  altogether  such  a  higgledypiggledy  that  you  do 
not  often  see  in  these  days,  when  Servant-maids  come  up  by  Coach 
— my  service  1o  them! — and  disdain  the  Wagon,  and  his  Worship 
the  Captain  wears  a  fine  laced  coat  and  a  cockade  in  his  hat — who 
but  he! — and  travels  post. 

The  maid  who  was  bound  on  a  visit  to  her  Grandmother  was,  I 
rejoice  to  admit,  most  tenderly  kind  to  me.  She  combed  my  hair, 
and  wiped  away  the  tears  that  besmirched  my  face.  When  the 
Wagon  halted  at  the  King’s  Arms,  Kensington,  she  tripped  down 
and  brought  me  a  flagon  of  new  milk  with  some  peppermint  in  it; 
and  she  told  me  stories  all  the  way  to  Hounslow,  and  bade  me  mind 
my  book,  and  be  a  good  child,  and  that  Angels  would  love  me. 
Likewise  that  she  was  being  courted  by  a  Pewterer  in  Panyer  Al¬ 
ley,  who  had  parted  a  bright  sixpence  wilh  her — she  showed  me  her 
token,  drawn  from  her  modest  bodice,  and  who  had  passed  his  word 
to  Wed,  if  he  had  to  take  to  the  Road  for  the  price  of  the  Ring — 
but  that  was  only  his  funning,  she  said — or  if  she  were  forced  even 
to  run  away  from  her  Mistress,  and  make  a  Fleet  Match  of  it.  It 
was  little,  in  good  sooth,  that  I  knew  about  courtships  or  Love- 


56 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


tokens  or  Fleet  Matches;  but  1  believe  that  a  woman,  for  want  of  a 
better  gossip,  would  open  her  Love-budget  to  a  Baby  or  a  Blind 
Puppy,  and  I  listened  so  well  that  she  kissed  me  ere  we  parted,  and 
gave  me  a  pocketful  of  cheese-cakes. 

It  was  quite  night,  and  far  beyond  Hounslow,  when  I  Was  doz¬ 
ing  off  into  happy  sleep  again,  that  the  Wagon  came  to  a  dead  stop, 
and  I  awoke  in  great  fright  at  the  sound  of  a  harsh  voice  asking  if 
the  Boy  Jack  was  there.  I  was  the  “  Boy  Jack;”  and  the  Wagoner 
coming  to  the  after- part  of  the  tilt  with  his  lantern,  pulled  me  from 
among  the  straw  with  far  less  ado  than  if  I  had  been  the  Tinker’s 
dog. 

I  was  set  down  on  the  ground  before  a  tall  man  with  a  long  face 
and  an  ugly  little  scratch  wig,  who  had  large  boots  with  straps  over 
his  thighs,  like  a  Farmer,  and  swayed  about  him  with  a  long  whip. 

“  Oh,  this  is  the  boy,  is  it?”  said  the  long  man.  “  A  rare  lump 
to  lick  into  shape,  upon  my  word.” 

I  was  too  frightened  to  say  aught;  but  the  Wagoner  muttered 
something  in  the  long  man’s  ear,  and  gave  him  my  bundle  and 
money  and  the  letter;  and  then  I  was  clapped  up  on  a  pillion  be¬ 
hind  the  long  man,  who  had  climbed  up  to  the  saddle  of  a  vicious 
horse  that  went  sideways;  and  he,  bidding  me  hold  on  tight  to  his 
belt,  for  a  mangy  young  whelp  as  I  was,  began  jolting  me  to  the 
dreadful  place  of  Torture  and  Infernal  cruelty  which  for  six  intol¬ 
erable  months  was  to  be  my  home. 

This  man’s  name  was  Gnawbit,  and  he  was  my  School-master.  I 
was  delivered  over  to  him,  bound  hand  and  foot,  as  it  were,  by 
those  hard-hearted  folk  (who  should  have  been  most  tender  to  me, 
a  desolate  orphan)  in  Hanover  Square.  His  name  was  Gnawbit,  and 
he  lived  hard  by  West  Drayton. 

We  are  told  in  Good  Books  about  the  Devil  and  his  Angels;  but 
sure  I  think  that  the  Devil  must  come  to  earth  sometimes,  and  marry 
and  have  children;  whence  the  Gnawbit  race.  I  don’t  believe  that 
the  man  had  one  Spark  of  Human  Feeling  in  him.  I  don’t  believe 
that  any  tale  of  Man  or  Woman’s  Woe  would  ever  have  wrung  one 
tear  from  that  cold  eye,  or  drawn  a  pang  from  that  hard  heart.  I 
believe  that  he  was  a  perfectly  senseless,  pitiless  Brute  and  Beast, 
suffered,  for  some  unknown  purpose,  to  dwell  here  above,  instead 
of  being  everlastingly  kept  down  below,  for  the  purpose  of  Tor¬ 
menting.  I  was  always  a  Dangerous,  but  I  was  never  a  Revenge¬ 
ful  man,  I  have  given  mine  enemy  lo  eat  when  he  was  a-hun- 
gered,  and  to  drink  when  he  was  athirst.  I  have  returned  Good  for 
Evil  very  many  times  in  this  Troubled  Life  of  mine,  exposed  us  it 


CAPTAIK  DANGEROUS. 


57 


has  been  always  to  the  very  sorest  of  temptations;  but  I  honestly 
aver,  that  were  1  to  meet  this  Tyrant  of  mine,  now,  on  a  solitary 
island,  I  would  mash  his  Hands  with  a  Club  or  with  my  Feet,  if  he 
strove  to  grub  up  roots;  that  were  I  Alone  with  him,  wrecked,  in  a 
shallop,  and  there  were  one  Keg  of  Fresh  Water  between  us,  I 
wTould  stave  it,  and  let  the  Stream  of  Life  waste  itself  in  the  gun¬ 
wales  while  I  held  his  head  down  into  the  Sea,  and  forced  him  to 
swallow  the  brine  that  should  drive  him  Raving  Mad.  But  this  is 
unchristian,  and  I  must  go  consult  Dr.  Dubiety. 

Flesh  and  Blood!  Have  you  never  thought  upon  the  Wrongs 
your  Pedagogue  has  wrought  upon  you,  and  longed  to  meet  that 
Wretch,  and  wheal  his  flesh  with  the  same  instrument  with  which 
he  whealed  you,  and  make  the  Ruffian  howl  for  mercy?  Mercy, 
quotha!  did  lie  ever  show  you  any?  A  pretty  equal  match  it  was, 
surely!  You  a  poor,  weak  starveling  of  a  child  shivering  in  your 
shoes,  and  ill-nurtured  by  the  coarse  food  he  gave  you,  and  he  a 
great,  hulking,  muscular  villain,  tall  and  long-limbed,  and  all- 
powerful  in  his  wretched  Empire;  while  you  were  so  ignorant  as 
not  to  know  that  the  Law,  were  he  discovered  (but  who  was  to 
denounce  him?),  might  trounce  him  for  his  barbarity.  Ah!  brother 
Gnawbit,  if  I  had  ever  caught  you  on  board  a  good  ship  of  mine! 
Aha!  knave,  if  John  Dangerous  would  not  have  dubbed  himself 
the  sheerest  of  asses,  had  he  not  made  your  back  acquainted  with 
nine  good  tails  of  three-strand  cord,  with  triple  knots  in  each,  and 
the  brine-tub  afterward.  I  will  find  out  this  Gnawbit  yet,  and 
cudgel  him  to  the  death.  But,  alas,  I  rave.  He  must  have  been 
full  five-and-forty  years  old  when  I  first  knew  him,  and  that  is  nigh 
sixty  years  agone.  And  at  a  hundred  and  five  the  crudest  Tyrant 
is  past  cudgeling. 

This  man  had  one  of  the  prettiest  houses  that  was  to  be  seen  in  the 
prettiest  part  of  England.  The  place  was  all  draped  in  ivy,  and 
roses,  and  eglantine,  with  a  blooming  flower-garden  in  front,  and 
a  luscious  orchard  behind.  He  had  a  wife  too  who  was  Fair  to  see 
— a  mild,  little  woman,  with  blue  eyes,  who  used  to  sit  in  a  corner 
of  her  parlor,  and  shudder  as  she  heard  the  boys  shrieking  in  the 
school- room.  There  was  an  old  infirm  Gentleman  that  lodged  with 
them,  that  had  been  a  Captain  under  the  renowned  Sir  Cloudesley 
Shovel  and  Admiral  Russell,  and  could  even,  so  it  was  said,  re¬ 
member,  as  a  sea-boy,  the  Dutch  being  in  the  Medway,  in  King 
Charles’s  time.  This  Old  Gentleman, seemed  the  only  person  that 
Gnawbit  was  afraid  of.  He  never  interfered  to  dissuade  him  from 
his  brutalities,  nay  seemed  rather  to  encourage  him  therein,  crying 


58 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


out  as  the  sounds  of  torture  reached  him,  “  Bear  it!  bear  it!  Good 
again!  Make  ’em  holloa!  Make  ’em  dance!  Cross  the  cuts!  Dig 
it  in!  Rub  in  the  brine!  Oho!  Bear  it,  brave  boys;  there’s  noth¬ 
ing  like  it!”  Yet  was  there  something  jeering  and  sarcastic  in  his 
voice  that  made  Gnawbit  prefer  to  torture  his  unhappy  scholars 
when  the  Old  Gentleman  was  asleep — and  even  then  he  would  some¬ 
times  wake  up  and  cry  out,  “  Bear  it!”  from  the  attic,  or  when  he 
was  being  wheeled  about  the  neighborhood  in  a  sick  man’s.chair. 

The  first  morning  I  saw  the  Old  Gentleman  he  shook  his  crutch 
at  me,  and  cried,  “  Aha!  another  of  ’em!  Another  morsel  for 
Gnawbit.  More  meat  for  his  market.  Is  he  plump?  is  he  tender? 
Will  he  bear  it?  Will  he  dance?  Oho!  King  Solomon  forever.” 
And  then  he  burst  into  such  a  fit  of  wheezing  laughter  that  Mrs. 
Gnawbit  had  to  come  and  pat  him  on  the  back  and  bring  him  cor¬ 
dials;  and  my  Master,  looking  very  discomposed,  sternly  bade  me 
betake  myself  to  the  school-room. 

After  that,  the  Old  Gentleman  never  saw  me  without  shaking  his 
crutch  and  asking  me  if  I  liked  it,  if  I  could  bear  it,  and  if  Gnaw¬ 
bit  made  my  flesh  quiver.  Of  a  truth  he  did. 

Why  should  I  record  the  sickening  experience  of  six  months’ 
daily  suffering.  That  I  was  beaten  every  day  was  to  be  expected 
in  an  Age  when  blows  and  stripes  were  the  only  means  thought  of 
for  instilling  knowledge  into  the  minds  of  youth.  But  I  was  alone, 
I  was  friendless,  I  was  poor.  My  master  received,  I  have  reason  to 
believe,  but  a  slender  Stipend  with  me,  and  he  balanced  accounts 
by  using  me  with  greater  barbarity  than  he  employed  toward  his 
better  paying  scholars.  I  had  no  Surname,  I  wTas  only  “  Boy  Jack;” 
and  my  school-fellows  put  me  down,  I  fancy,  as  some  base-born 
child,  and  accordingly  despised  me.  I  had  no  pocket-money.  I 
wras  not  allowed  to  share  in  the  school-games.  I  was  bidden  to  stand 
aside  wThen  a  cake  was  to  be  cut  up.  God  help  me!  I  was  the 
most  forlorn  of  little  children.  Mrs.  Gnawbit  was  as  kind  to  me  as 
she  dared  be,  but  she  never  showed  me  the  slightest  favor  without 
its  bringing  me  (if  her  husband  came  to  hear  of  it)  an  additionally 
cruel  Punishment. 

There  was  a  Pond  behind  the  orchard  called  Tibb’s  hole,  be¬ 
cause,  as  our  school  boy  legend  ran,  a  boy  called  Tibb  had  once 
cast  himself  thereinto,  and  was  drowned,  through  dread  of  being 
tortured  by  this  Monster.  I  grew  to  be  very  fond  of  standing  alone 
by  the  bank  of  this  Pond,  and  of  looking  at  my  pale  face  in  its  cool 
blue-black  depth.  It  seemed  to  me  that  the  Pond  was  my  friend, 
and  that  within  its  bosom  I  should  find  rest. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


59 


I  was  musing  in  this  manner  by  the  bank  one  day  when  I  felt 
myself  touched  on  the  shoulder.  It  was  the  crutch  of  the  Old  Gen¬ 
tleman,.  who  had  been  wheeled  hither,  as  was  his  custom,  by  one 
of  the  boys. 

“  You  go  into  the  orchard  and  steal  a  juicy  pear,”  said  the  Old 
Gentleman  to  his  attendant.  “  Gnawbit’s  out,  and  I  won’t  tell 
him.  Leave  me  with  Boy  Jack  for  five  minutes,  and  then  come 
'  back.  Boy  Jack,”  he  continued,  when  we  were  alone,  “  how  do 
’  you  like  it?” 

\  “  Like  what,  sir?”  I  asked  humbly. 

“  All  of  it,  to  be  sure: — the  birch,  the  cane,  the  thong,  the  ferula, 
the  rope’s-end — all  Gnawbit’s  little  toys?” 

I  told  him,  weeping,  that  I  was  very,  very  unhappy,  and  that  I 
would  like  to  drown  myself. 

‘‘That’s  wrong,  that’s  wicked,”  observed  the  Old  Gentleman 
with  a  chuckle;  “  you  mustn’t  drown  yourself,  because  then  you’d 
lose  your  chance  of  being  hanged.  Gregory  has  as  much  right  to 
live  as  other  folks.”  * 

I  did  not  in  the  least  understand  what  he  meant,  but  went  on 
sobbing. 

“I  tell  you  what  it  is,”  pursued  the  Old  Gentleman;  ‘‘you 
mustn’t  stop  here,  because  Gnawbit  will  skin  you  alive  if  you  do. 
He’s  bound  to  do  it;  he’s  sworn  to  do  it.  He  half  skinned  Tibb; 
and  was  going  to  take  off  the  other  half,  when  Tibb  drowned  him¬ 
self  like  a  fool  in  this  hole  here.  He  was  a  fool,  and  should  have 
followed  my  advice  and  run  away.  ‘Tibb,’  I  said,  ‘  you’ll  be 
skinned.  Bear  it,  but  run  away.  Here’s  a  guinea.  Run!’  He 
was  afraid  that  Gnawbit  would  catch  him;  and  where  is  he  now? 
Skinned,  and  drowned  into  the  bargain.  Don’t  you  be  a  Fool. 
You  Run  while  there’s  some  skin  left.  Gnawbit’s  sworn  to  have 
it  all,  if  you  don’t.  Here’s  a  guinea,  and  run  away  as  fast  as  ever 
your  legs  can  carry  you.” 

He  gave  me  a  bright  piece  of  gold  and  waved  me  off,  as  though  I 
were  to  run  away  that  very  moment.  I  submissively  said  that  I 
would  run  away  after  school  was  over,  but  asked  him  where  I 
should  run  to. 

“  I’m  sure  I  don’t  know,”  the  Old  Gentleman  said  somewhat 
peevishly.  “  That’s  not  my  business.  A  boy  that  has  got  legs 
with  skin  on  ’em,  and  doesn’t  know  where  to  run  to,  is  a  Jackass. 

*  In  my  youth  ancient  persons  as  frequently  spoke  of  the  hangman  as 
“  Gregory  and  he  was  so  named  at  the  trial  of  the  Regicides  in  1660-1— as  by 
his  later  title  of  41  Jack  Ketch.”— J.  D. 


60 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


i 


— Stop!”  lie  continued,  as  if  a  bright  idea  had  just  struck  him; 
“  did  you  ever  hear  of  the  Blacks?” 

“No,  sir,”  I  answered. 

“  Stupid  oaf!  Do  you  know  where  Chari  wood  Chase  is!” 

“  Yes,  sir;  my  school  fellows  have  been  nutting  there,  and  I  have 
heard  them  speak  of  it.” 

“  Then  you  make  the  best  of  your  way  to  Charlwood  Chase,  and 
go  a  nutting  there  till  you  find  the  Blacks;  you  can’t  miss  them; 
they’re  everywhere.  Run,  you  little  Imp.  See!  the  time’s  up,  and 
here  comes  the  boy  who  stole  the  juicy  pear.”  And  the  boy  com¬ 
ing  up,  munching  the  remains  of  one  of  Gnawbit’s  juiciest  pears, 
my  patron  was  wheeled  away,  and  I  have  never  seen  him  from  that 
day  to  this. 

That  veiy  night  I  ran  away  from  Gnawbit’s,  and  made  my  way 
toward  Charlwood  Chase  to  join  the  “  Blacks,”  although  who  those 
“  Blacks  ”  were,  and  whereabouts  in  the  Chase  they  lived,  and 
what  they  did  when  they  were  there,  I  had  no  more  definite  idea 
than  who  the  Emperor  Prester  John  or  the  Man  in  the  Moon 
might  be. 

CHAPTER  THE  SIXTH. 

THE  HISTORY  OF  MY  GRANDFATHER,  WHO  WAS  SO  LONG  KEPT  A 

PRISONER  IN  ONE  OF  THE  KING’S  CASTLES  IN  THE  EAST 

COUNTRY. 

At  the  time  when  his  Majesty  Charles  II;  was  so  happily  restored 
to  the  throne  of  these  kingdoms,  there  was,  and  had  been,  confined 
for  upward  of  ten  years,  in  one  of  his  Majesty’s  Castles  in  the  east¬ 
ern  part  of  this  kingdom,  a  certain  Prisoner.  His  Name  was  known 
to  none,  not  even  to  the  guards  who  kept  watch  over  him,  so  to 
speak,  night  and  day — not  even  to  the  jailer,  who  had  been  told 
that  he  must  aaswer  with  his  Head  for  his  safe  custoly,  who  had 
him  always  in  a  spying,  fretful  overlooking,  and  who  slept  every 
night  with  the  keys  of  the  Captive's  cell  under  his  pillow.  The 
Castle  where  he  lay  in  hold  has  been  long  since  leveled  to  the  earth, 
if,  indeed,  it  ever  had  any  earth  to  rest  upon,  and  was  not  rather 
stayed  upon  some  jutting  fragment  of  Rock  washed  away  at  last 
by  the  ever  encroaching  sea.  Nay,  of  its  exact  situation  I  am  not 
qualified  to  tell.  I  never  saw  the  place,  and  my  knowledge  of  it  is 
confined  to  a  bald  hearsay,  albeit  of  the  Deeds  that  were  done 
within  its  walls,  I  can  affirm  the  certitude  with  Truth.  From  such 
shadowy  accounts  as  I  have  collected,  the  edifice  would  seem  to 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


61 


have  consisted  bat  of  a  single  tower  or  donjon-keep  very  strong 
and  thick,  and  defying  the  lashings  of  the  waves,  almost  as  though 
it  were  some  Pharos  or  other  guide  to  mariners.  It  was  surrounded 
by  a  low  stone  wall  of  prodigious  weight  of  masonry,  and  was  ap¬ 
proached  from  the  main- land  by  a  drawbridge  and  barbican.  But 
or  many  months  of  the  year  there  was  no  main-land  within  half 
a  mile  .of  it,  and  the  King’s  Castle  could  only  be  reached  by  boats. 
Men  said  that  the  Sun  never  shone  there  but  for  ten  minutes  before 
and  ten  minutes  after  a  storm,  and  there  were  almost  always  storms 
lowering  over  or  departing  from  that  dismal  place.  The  Castle 
was  at  least  two  miles  from  any  human  habitation;  for  the  few 
fishermen’s  cabins,  made  of  rotten  boats,  hogsheads  nailed  together* 
and  the  like,  which  had  pitifully  nestled  under  the  lee  of  the  Castle 
in  old  time,  had  been  rigorously  demolished  to  their  last  crazy  tim¬ 
ber  when  the  Prisoner  was  brought  there.  At  a  respectful  distance 
only,  far  in,  and  yet  but  a  damp  little  islet  in  the  midst  of  the 
fens,  was  permitted  to  linger  on,  in  despised  obscurity,  a  poor 
swamp  of  some  twenty  houses  that  might,  half  in  derision  and  half 
in  civility,  be  called  a  Village.  It  had  a  church  without  a  steeple, 
but  with  a  poor  Stump  like  the  blunted  wreck  of  some  tall  ship’s 
mainmast.  The  priest’s  wages  were  less  than  those  of  a  London 
coal -porter.  The  poor  man  could  get  no  tithes,  for  there  were 
no  tithes  to  give  him.  Three  parts  of  his  glebe  were  always  under 
water,  and  he  was  forced  to  keep  a  little  school  for  his  mainten¬ 
ance,  of  which  the  scholars  could  pay  him  but  scant  fees,  seeing 
that  it  was  always  a  chance  whether  their  parents  were  dead  of  the 
Ague,  or  Drowned.  Yet  there  was  a  tavern  in  the  village,  where 
these  poor,  shrinking,  feverish  creatures  met  and  drunk  and  smoked 
and  sung  their  songs,  contriving  now  and  again  to  smuggle  a  few 
kegs  of  spirits  from  Holland,  and  baffle  the  riding-officers  in  a 
scamper  through  the  fens.  They  were  a  simple  folk,  fond  of  telling 
Ghost- Stories,  and  wfith  a  firm  belief  in  charms  to  cure  them  from 
the  Ague.  And,  with  an  awe  whose  intensity  was  renewed  each 
time  the  tale  was  told,  they  whispered  among  themselves  as  to  that 
Prisoner  of  Fate  up  at  the  Castle  yonder.  What  this  man’s  Crime 
had  been,  none  could  tell.  His  misdeed  was  not,  it  was  whispered, 
stated  in  the  King’s  Warrant.  The  Governor  was  simply  told  to 
receive  a  certain  Prisoner,  wlm  would  be  delivered  to  him  by  a  cer¬ 
tain  Officer,  and  that,  at  the  peril  of  his  life,  he  was  to  answer  for 
his  safe  custody.  The  Governor,  whose  name  was  Ferdinando 
Glover,  had  been  a  Captain  of  Horse  in  the  late  Protector  Oliver’s 
time;  but,  to  the  surprise  of  all  men,  he  was  not  dismissed  at  his 


62 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


Majesty’s  Restoration,  but  was  continued  in  his  command,  and,  in¬ 
deed,  received  preferment,  having  the  grade  of  a  Colonel  on  the 
Irish  establishment.  But  they  did  not  fail  to  tell  him,  and  with 
fresh  instances  of  his  severity,  that  he  would  answer  with  his  head 
for  the  safe  keeping  of  his  Prisoner. 

Of  this  strange  Person  it  behooves  me  now  to  speak.  In  the  year 
1660,  he  appeared  to  be  about  seven-and  thirty  years  of  age,  tall, 
shapely,  well-knit  in  his  limbs,  which  captivity  had  rather  tended 
to  make  full  of  flesh  than  to  waste  away;  for  there  were  no  yards, 
nor  spacious  outlying  wralls  to  this  Castle;  and  but  for  a  narrow 
ledge  that  ran  along  the  surrounding  border,  and  where  he  was  but 
rarely  suffered  to  walk,  there  were  no  means  for  him  to  take  any 
exercise  whatever.  He  wore  his  own  hair  in  full  dark  locks,  which 
Time  and  Sorrow  had  alike  agreed  to  grizzle.  Strong  lines  marked 
his  face,  but  age  had  not  brought  them  there.  His  eye  was  dim, 
but  more  with  watching  and  study  than  with  the  natural  failing  of 
vital  forces. 

So  he  had  been  in  this  grim  place  going  on  for  twelve  years, 
without  a  day’s  respite,  without  an  hour’s  enlargement.  True,  he 
wore  no  fetters,  and  was  treated  with  a  grave  and  stately  Consider¬ 
ation;  but  his  bonds  were  not  less  galling,  and  the  iron  had  not  the 
less  entered  into  his  soul.  The  Order  was,  that  he  was  to  be  held 
as  a  Gentleman,  and  to  be  subjected  to  no  groveling  indignities  or 
base  usage.  But  the  Order  was  (for  a  long  time,  and  until  another 
Prisoner,  hereafter  to  be  named,  received  a  meed  of  Enlargement) 
likewise  as  strict  that,  save  his  keepers,  he  should  see  no  living 
soul.  “And  it  is  useless,”  wrote  a  Great  Lord  to  the  Governor 
once,  when  it  was  humbly  submitted  to  him  that  the  Prisoner  might 
need  spiritual  consolation. and  have  solace  to  his  soul  by  conferring 
with  poor  Parson  Webfoot  yonder — “  it  is  useless,”  said  that  no¬ 
bleman,  “  for  your  charge  to  see  any  black  gown,  under  pretext 
that  he  would  Repent;  for,  albeit,  though  I  know  not  his  crime 
more  than  the  babe  unborn,  I  have  it  from  his  Majesty’s  own  gra¬ 
cious  word  of  mouth,  that  what  he  has  done  can  not  be  repented  of; 
therefore  you  are  again  commanded  to  keep  him  close,  and  to  let 
him  have  speech  neither  of  parson  nor  of  peasant.  ’  ’  Which  was 
duly  done.  But  Colonel  Glover,  not  untouched  by  that  curiosity 
inherent  to  mankind,  as  well  as  womankind,  took  pains  to  cast 
about  whether  this  was  not  one  who  had  a  hand  in  compassing  the 
death  of  King  Charles  I.;  and  this  coming,  in  some  strange  manner 
(through  inquiries  he  had  made  in  London),  to  the  ears  of  Author¬ 
ity,  he  was  distinctly  told  that  his  prisoner  was  not  one  of  those 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


63 


bold  bad  men  who,  misled  by  Oliver  Cromwell,  had  signed  that 
fatal  Warrant: — the  names  and  doom  of  the  Regicides  being  now 
all  well  known,  as  having  suffered  or  fled  from  Justice,  or  being  in 
hold,  as  Mr.  Martyn  was.  So  Colonel  Glover,  being  well  assured 
that  what  was  done  was  for  the  King’s  honor,  and  for  the  well¬ 
being  of  his  Estates,  and  that  any  other  further  searching  or  pry¬ 
ing  might  cost  him  his  place,  if  they  did  not  draw  him  within  the 
meshes  of  the  law  against  Misprison  of  Treason,  forbore  to  vex 
himself  or  Authority  further  on  matters  that  concerned  him  not,  and 
so  was  content  to  guard  his  Prisoner  with  greater  care  than  ever. 
The  Castle  was  garrisoned  by  but  twelve  men,  and  of  these  six 
were  invalids  and  matrosses;  but  the  other  six  were  tall  and  sturdy 
veterans,  who  had  been  indeed  of  Oliver’s  Life-guard,  and  were  now 
confirmed  in  their  places,  and  with  the  pay,  not  of  common  soldiers, 
but  of  private  gentlemen,  by  the  King’s  own  order.  Their  life  was 
dreary  enough,  for  they  could  hold  but  little  comradeship  with  the 
invalids,  whom  they  dubbed  “  gray  beards,  drivelers,  and  kill¬ 
joys.”  But  they  had  a  guard-room  to  themselves,  where  they 
diced  and  drunk,  and  told  their  ruffian  stories,  and  sung  their 
knavish  catches,  as  is  the  manner,  I  suppose,  for  all  soldiers  to  do 
in  all  countries,  whether  in  camps  or  in  cities.  But  their  duty  was 
withal  of  the  severest.  The  invalids  went  snugly  to  bed  at  nine  of 
the  clock,  or  thereabouts,  but  the  veritable  men- of -war  kept  watch 
and  ward  all  night,  turn  and  turn  about,  and  even  when  they  slept 
took  their  repose  on  a  bench,  which  was  placed  right  across  the 
Prisoner’s  door. 

This  much-enduring  man — for  surely  no  lot  could  be  harder  than 
his — to  be  thus,  and  in  the  very  prime  and  vigor  of  manhood, 
cooped  up  in  a  worse  than  jail,  wherein  for  a  longtime  he  was  even 
denied  the  company  of  captives  as  wretched  as  he — this  slave  to 
some  Mightier  Will  and  Sterner  Fate  than,  it  would  seem,  mortal 
knowledge  could  wot  of,  bore  his  great  Distress  with  an  unvarying- 
meekness  and  calm  dignity.  With  him,  indeed,  they  did  as  they 
listed,  using  him  as  one  that  was  as  Clay  in  the  hands  of  the  Pot¬ 
ter;  but,  not  to  the  extent  of  one  tetchy  word  or  froward  move¬ 
ment,  did  he  ever  show  that  he  thought  his  imprisonment  unjust, 
or  the  bearing  of  those  who  were  set  over  him  cruel.  And  this  was 
not  an  abject  stupor  or  dull  indifference,  such  as  I  have  marked  in 
rogues  confined  for  life  in  the  Bagnios  of  the  Levant,  who  knew 
that  they  must  needs  pull  so  many  strokes  and  get  so  many  stripes 
every  day,  and  so  gave  up  battling  with  the  World,  and  grinned 
contumely  at  theii  jailers  or  the  visitors  who  came  sometimes  to 


04 


CAPTAIN"  DANGEROUS. 


point  at  them,  and  fling  them  copper  money.  In  the  King’s  Pris¬ 
oner  there  was  a  philosophic  reserve  and  quietness  that  almost  ap¬ 
proached  content;  and  his  resignation  under  suffering  was  of  that 
kind  that  a  Just  Man  may  feel  who  knows  he  is  upon  the  ground, 
and  that,  howsoever  his  enemies  push  at  him,  he  can  not  fall  far. 
He  never  sought  to  evade  the  conditions  of  his  captivity  or  to  plead 
for  its  being  lightened.  The  courtesies  that  were  offered  to  him, 
in  so  far  as  the  Governor  was  warranted  in  offering  such  civilities, 
he  took  as  his  due;  hut  he  never  craved  a  greater  indulgence  or 
went  one  step  in  word  or  in  deed  to  obtain  a  surcease  from  his 
harsh  and  cruel  lot. 

He  would  rise  at  six  of  the  clock  both  in  winter  and  summer,  and 
apply  himself  with  great  ardor  to  his  private  devotions  and  to  good 
studies  until  eight,  when  his  breakfast,  a  tankard  of  frumenty  and 
a  small  measure  of  wine,  was  brought  him.  And  from  nine  until 
noon  he  would  again  be  at  his  studies,  and  then  have  dinner  of  such 
meats  as  were  in  season.  From  one  to  three  he  was  privileged  to 
walk  either  on  the  narrow  strip  of  masonry  that  encompassed  his 
prison-house,  and  with  a  soldier  with  his  firelock  on  hip  following 
his  every  step,  or  else  to  wander  up  and  down  in  the  various  cham¬ 
bers  of  the  Castle,  still  followed  by  a  guard.  Now  he  would  tarry 
awhile  in  the  guard- room,  and  stand  over  against  the  soldiers’  table, 
his  head  resting  very  sadly  against  the  chimney,  and  listen  to  their 
wild  talk,  which  was,  however,  somewhat  hushed  and  shaped  to 
decency  so  long  as  he  abided  there.  And  anon  he  would  come  into 
the  Governor’s  apartment,  and  hold  Colonel  Glover  for  some  mo¬ 
ments  in  grave  discourse  on  matters  of  history,  and  the  lives  of 
Worthy  Captains,  and  sometimes  upon  points  and  passages  of 
Scripture,  but  never  upon  anything  that  concerned  the  present  day. 
For,  beyond  the  bounds  of  the  place  in  which  he  was  immured, 
what  should  he  know  of  Ihings  of  instant  moment,  or  of  the  way 
the  world  was  wagging?  By  permission,  the  Colonel  had  told  him 
that  Oliver  was  no  more,  and  that  Richard,  his  son,  was  made  Pro¬ 
tector  in  his  stead.  Then,  at  the  close  of  that  weak  and  vain  shadow 
of  a  Reign,  and  after  the  politic  act  of  my  Lord  Duke  of  Albemarle 
(Gen.  Monk),  who  made  his  own  and  the  country’s  fortune,  and 
Nan  Clarges’  *  to  boot,  at  one  stroke,  the  Prisoner  was  giyen  to 
know  that  schism  was  at  an  end,  and  that  the  King  had  come  to 

*  A  woman  of  very  mean  belongings,  whose  parents  lived,  I  have  heard, 
somewhere  about  the  Maypole  in  the  Strand,  and  who  was  promoted  to  high 
station,  being  Monk’s  Duchess,  but  to  her  death  of  a  coarse  and  brutish  car¬ 
riage,  and  shamefully  given  to  the  drinking  of  strong  waters.— J.  D. 


CAPTAIN-  DANGEROUS. 


fi5 


liis  own  again.  Colonel  Glover  must  needs  tell  liim;  for  he  was 
bidden  to  fire  a  salvo  from  the  five  pieces  of  artillery  he  had 
mounted,  three  on  his  outer  wall,  and  two  at  the  top  of  his  donjon- 
keep,  to  say  nothing  of  hoisting  the  Royal  Standard,  which  now 
streamed  from  the  pole  where  erst  had  floated  the  rag  that  bore  the 
arms  of  the  Commonwealth  of  England.”* 

“  I  am  glad,”  the  Prisoner  said,  when  they  told  him.  “  I  hope 
this  young  man  will  make  England  happier  than  did  his  father  be¬ 
fore  him.”  But  this  was  after  he  was  in  hopes  of  getting  some 
company  in  his  solitude,  and  when  he  was  cheerfuller. 

It  was  about  midway  in  his  imprisonment  when  another  Captive 
was  brought  to  the  King’s  Castle;  but  it  was  not  until  close  upon 
the  Restoration  of  King  Charles  II.  that  the  two  Prisoners  were 
permitted  to  come  together.  The  second  guest  in  this  most  dolor¬ 
ous  place  was  a  Woman,  and  that  Woman  was  my  Grandmother, 
Arabella  Greenville. 

There  is  no  use  in  disguising  the  fact  that,  for  many  months  after 
the  failure  of  her  attack  on  the  Protector,  the  poor  Lady  had  been 
as  entirely  distraught  as  was  her  fate  after  the  death  of  the  Lord 
Francis,  and  that  to  write  her  Life  during  this  period  would  be 
merely  penning  the  chronicle  of  a  continued  Frenzy.  It  were 
merciful  to  draw  a  veil  over  so  sad  and  mortifying  a  scene — so  well 
brought  up  as  she  had  been,  and  respected  by  all  the  Quality — but 
in  pursuit  of  the  determination  with  which  I  set  out,  to  tell  the 
Truth,  and  all  the  Truth,  I  am  forced  to  confess  that  my  Grand¬ 
mother’s  Ravings  were  of  the  most  violent,  and  that  .of  her  thor¬ 
oughly  demented  state  there  could  be  no  doubt.  So  far,  indeed, 
did  the  unhappy  creature’s  Abandonment  extend,  that  those  who 
were  about  her  could  with  difficulty  persuade  her  to  keep  any 
Garments  upon  her  body,  and  were  forced  with  Stripes  and  Revil- 
ings  to  force  to  a  decorous  carriage  the  gentle  Lady  who  had  once 
been  the  very  soul  and  mirror  of  Modesty.  But  in  process  of  time 
these  dreadful  furies  and  rages  left  her,  and  she  became  calm.  She 
was  still  beautiful,  albeit  her  comeliness  was  now  of  a  chastened 
and  saddened  order,  and,  save  her  eye,  there  was  no  light  or  sparkle 
in  her  face. 

When  her  health  and  mind  were  healed,  so  far  as  earthly  skill 
could  heal  them-rit  being  given  out,  I  am  told,  to  her  kindred  that 
she  had  died  mad  in  the  Spinning  House  at  Cambridge;  but  she  had 
never  been  further  than  the  house  of  me  Dr.  Empson  at  Colchester, 

*  A  very  glorious  rag,  nevertheless.— Ed. 

3 


66 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


who  had  tended  her  during  her  distraction — my  Grandmother  was 
brought  to  the  King’s  Castle  in  the  East,  and  for  a  long  time  lay  in¬ 
carcerate  in  a  lower  chamber  of  the  keep,  being  not  allowed  even 
that  scant  exercise  which  was  permitted  to  the  Prisoner  above,  and 
being  waited  upon  and  watched  night  and  day  by  the  Governor’s 
Daughter,  Mistress  Ruth  Glover,  who  at  night  slept  in  a  little  closet 
adjoining  my  Grandmother’s  chamber.  The  girl  had  a  tongue,  I 
suppose,  like  the  rest  of  her  sex — and  of  our  sex  too,  brother — and 
she  would  not  have  been  eighteen,  of  a  lively  Disposition,  and  con¬ 
tinually  in  the  society  of  a  Lady  of  Birth  and  accomplishments, 
now  more  than  ten  years  her  senior,  without  gossiping  to  her  con¬ 
cerning  all  that  she  knew  of  the  sorry  little  world  round  about  her. 
It  was  not,  however,  much,  or  of  any  great  moment,  that  Ruth  had 
to  tell  my  Grandmother.  She  could  but  hold  her  in  discourse  of 
how  the  Invalid  Matrosses  had  the  rheumatism  and  the  ague;  how 
the  Life  guard  men  in  their  room  diced  and  drunk  and  quarreled, 
both  over  their  dice  and  their  drink;  how  the  rumor  ran  that  the 
poverty-stricken  habitants  of  the  adjoining  village  had,  from  long 
dwelling  among  the  fens,  become  as  web  footed  as  the  wild-fowl 
they  hunted;  and  how  her  Father,  who  had  been  for  many  years  a 
widower,  was  harsh  and  stern  with  her,  and  would  not  suffer  her 
to  read  the  romances  and  playbooks,  some  half-dozen  of  which  the 
Sergeant  of  the  Guard  had  with  him.  She  may  have  had  a  little  also 
to  say  about  the  Prisoner  in  the  upper  story  of  the  Keep — how  his 
chamber  was  all  filled  with  folios  and  papers;  how  he  studied  and 
wrote  and  prayed;  and  during  his  two  hours’  daily  liberty  wan¬ 
dered  sadly  and  in  a  silent  manner  about  the  Castle.  For  this  was 
all  Mistress  Ruth  had  to  tell,  and  of  the  Prisoner’s  name,  or  of  his 
Crime,  she  was,  perforce,  mum. 

These  two  Women  nevertheless  shaped  all  kinds  of  feverish 
Romances  and  wild  conjectures  respecting  this  unknown  man 
above- stairs.  Arabella  had  told  her  own  sad  story  to  the  girl, 
whom — though  little  better  than  a  waiting-woman — she  had  made, 
for  want  of  a  better  bower-maiden,  her  Confidante.  I  need  not  say 
that  oceans  of  Sympathy,  or  the  accepted  Tokens  thereof,  I  mean 
Tears,  ran  out  from  the  eyes  of  the  Governor’s  Daughter  when  she 
heard  the  History  of  the  Lord  Francis,  of  the  words  he  spoke  just 
before  the  musketeers  fired  their  pieces  at  him,  and  of  another 
noble  speech  he  made  two  hours  before  he  suffered,  when  the 
Officer  in  command,  compassionating  his  youth  and  parts,  told  him 
that  if  he  had  any  suit,  short  of  life,  to  prefer  to  the  Lord-General, 
he  would  take  upon  himself  to  say  that  it  should  be  granted  with- 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


67 


out  question;  whereon  quotli  my  Lord  Francis,  “  I  will  not  die  with 
any  suit  in  my  mouth,  save  to  the  King  of  kings.”  On  this,  and 
on  the  story  of  the  Locket,  and  of  his  first  becoming  acquainted 
with  Arabella,  of  his  sprightly  disguise  as  a  Teacher,  with  the 
young  squire  at  Mme.  Desaguiliers’s  school  at  Hackney,  of  his 
Beauty  and  Virtues  and  fine  manners  and  extraordinary  proficiency 
in  Arts  and  Letters  and  the  Exercises  of  Chivalry — of  these  and  a 
thousand  kindred  things  the  two  women  were  never  tired  of  talk¬ 
ing.  And,  indeed,  if  one  calls  to  mind  what  vast  Eloquence  and 
wealth  of  words  two  loving  hearts  can  distil  from  a  Bit  of  Ribbon 
or  a  Torn  Letter,  it  is  not  to  be  wondered  at  that  Arabella  and  Ruth 
should  find  their  Theme  inexhaustible — so  good  and  brave  as  had 
been  its  Object,  now  dead  and.  cold  in  the  bloody  trench  at  Hamp¬ 
ton  yonder,  and  convert  it  into  a  perpetually  welling  spring  of 
Mournful  Remembrances. 

Arabella  had  taken  to  her  old  trick  of  Painting  again,  and  in  the 
first  and  second  year  of  her  removal  to  the  Castle  executed  some 
very  creditable  performances.  But  she  never  attempted  either  the 
effigies  of  her  Lover  or  of  the  Protector,  and  confined  herself  to 
portraitures  of  the  late  martyred  King,  and  of  the  Princes  now  un¬ 
justly  kept  from  their  inheritance. 

It  was  during  the  Protectorate  of  Richard  Cromwell  (that  mere 
puppet-play  of  Power)  that  the  watch  kept  on  the  prisoners  in  the 
King’s  Castle  grew  for  a  time  much  less  severe  and  even  lax. 
Arabella  was  suffered  to  go  out  of  her  chamber,  even  at  the  very 
hours  that  the  Prisoner  above  was  wandering  to  and  fro.  The 
guards  did  not  hinder  their  meeting;  and,  says  Colonel  Ferdinando 
Glover,  one  day  to  his  daughter,  “  I  should  not  wonder  if,  some  of 
these  days,  Orders  were  to  come  down  for  me  to  set  both  my  birds 
free  from  their  cage.  That  which  Mrs.  Greenville  has  done,  you 
;  nd  I  know  full  well,  and  I  am  almost  sorry  that  she  did  not  suc¬ 
ceed.” 

“  Oh,  father!”  cries  Mistress  Ruth,  who  was  of  a  very  soft  and 
tender  nature,  and  abhorred  the  very  idea  of  bloodshed;  so  that, 
loving  Arabella  as  she  did  with  all  her  heart,  she  could  not  help 
regarding  her  with  a  kind  of  Terror  when  she  remembered  the  deed 
for  which  she  was  confined. 

“  Tush,  girl,”  the  Colonel  makes  answer,  ’tis  no  Treason  now 
to  name  such  a  thing.  Oliver’s  dead,  and  will  eat  no  more  bread; 
and  I  misliked  him  much  at  the  end,  for  it  is  certain  that  he  be¬ 
trayed  the  Good  Old  Cause,  and  hankered  after  an  earthly  crown. 
As  for  this  young  Popinjay,  he  will  have  more  need  to  protect  hirm 


68 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


self  than  these  Kingdoms.  And  I  think  that  if  your  father  is  to  live 
on  the  King’s  wages,  it  had  better  be  on  the  real  King’s  than  the 
false  one.  ’  ’ 

“  And  do  you  think,  father,  that  King  Charles  will  come  to  his 
own  again?”  asks  Ruth,  in  a  flutter  of  delight;  for  Arabella  had 
made  her  a  very  Royalist  at  heart. 

“I  think  what  I  think,”  replied  the  Colonel,  with  his  stern 
look;  “  but  whatever  happens,  it  is  not  likely,  it  seems  to  me,  that 
we  shall  have  our  prisoners  here  much  longer.  That  is  to  say: 
Mrs.  Greenville,  for  what  she  hath  done  can  scarcely  be  distasteful 
to  those  who  loved  not  Oliver.  But  for  my  other  bird — who  can 
tell? — He  may  have  raised  the  very  Devil  for  aught  I  know.” 

“  Do  you  think  that  he  also  tried  to  kill  the  Protector?”  Ruth 
asks  timidly,  and  just  hazarding  a  Surmise  that  had  oft  been  mooted 
betwixt  Arabella  and  herself. 

“  Get  thee  to  thy  chamber,  and  about  thy  business,  wench,”  the 
Colonel  says,  quite  storming.  “Away,  or  I  will  lay  my  willow 
wand  about  thy  shoulders.  Is  there  nothing  but  killing  of  Pro¬ 
tectors,  forsooth,  for  thy  silly  head  to  be  filled  with?”  And  yet  I 
incline  to  think  that  Mr.  Governor  was  not  of  a  very  different  mind 
to  his  daughter;  for  away  he  hies  to  his  chamber,  and  falls  to  read¬ 
ing  Colonel  Titus’s  famous  book,  “  Killing  no  Murder,”  and,  look¬ 
ing  anon  on  his  Prisoner  coming  wandering  down  a  winding  stair¬ 
case,  says  softly  to  himself,  “  He  looks’like  one,  for  all  his  studious 
guise,  who  could  do  a  Bold  Deed  at  a  pinch.” 

This  Person,  I  should  have  said,  wore,  winter  and  summer,  a 
plain  black  shag  gown  untrimmed,  with  camlet  netherstocks,  and  a 
smooth  band.  And  his  Right  Hand  was  always  covered  with  a 
glove  of  Black  Velvet. 

By  and  by  came,  as  I  have  related,  the  news  of  his  Majesty’s 
Restoration  and  fresh  Strict  Orders  for  the  keeping  of  the  Prisoner. 
But  though  he  was  not  to  see  a  clergyman — and  for  all  that  prohi¬ 
bition  he  saw  more  than  one  before  he  came  out  of  Captivity — a  cer¬ 
tain  Indulgence  was  now  granted  him.  He  was  permitted  1o  have 
free  access  to  Mrs.  Arabella  Greenville,  and  to  converse  freely  with 
her  at  all  proper  times  and  seasons. 

But  that  I  know  the  very  noble  nature  of  my  Grandmother,  and 
am  prepared,  old  as  1  am,  to  defend  her  fame  even  1o  taking  the 
heart’s  blood  of  the  villain  that  maligned  her,  I  might  blush  at  hav¬ 
ing  to  record  a  fact  which  must  needs  be  set  down  here.  Ere  six 
months  had  passed,  there  grew  up  between  Mrs.  Greenville  and  the 
Prisoner  a  very  warm  and  close  friendship,  which  in  time  ripened 


CAPTAIN  DANGEEOUS. 


69 


into  the  tenderest  of  attachments.  That  her  love  for  her  dead 
Frank  ever  wavered,  or  that  she  ever  swerved  for  one  moment  in 
her  reverence  for  his  memory,  I  can  not  and  I  will  not  believe;  but 
she  nevertheless  looked  with  an  exceeding  favor  upon  the  impris¬ 
oned  man,  and  made  no  scruple  of  avowing  her  Flame  to  Ruth. 
This  young  person  did  in  time  confide  the  same  to  her  father,  who 
was  much  concerned  thereat,  he  not  knowing  how  far  the  allow¬ 
ance  of  any  love-passages  between  two  such  strangely  assorted  suit¬ 
ors  might  tally  with  his  duty  toward  the  King  and  Government. 
Nor  could  he  shut  his  eyes  to  the  fact  that  the  Prisoner  regarded 
Mrs.  Greenville  first  with  a  tender  compassion  (such  as  a  father 
might  have  toward  his  child),  next  with  an  ardent  sympathy,  and 
finally — and  that  very  speedily  too — with  a  Feeling  that  had  all  the 
Signs  and  the  Portents  of  Love.  These  two  unfortunate  People 
were  so  shut  out  from  the  world,  and  so  spiritually  wedded  by  a 
common  Misery  and  discomfort,  that  their  more  earthly  coming  to¬ 
gether  could  not  be  looked  upon  but  as  natural  and  reasonable;  for 
Mrs.  Greenville  was  the  only  woman  upon  whom  the  Prisoner  could 
be  expected  to  look — he  being,  beyond  doubt,  one  of  Gentle  Degree, 
if  not  of  Great  and  Noble  Station,  and  therefore  beyond  aught  but 
the  caresses  of  a  Patron  with  such  a  simple  maid  as  Ruth  Glover, 
whose  father,  although  of  some  military  rank,  was,  like  most  of  the 
Captains  who  had  served  under  the  Commonwealth  (witness  Ireton, 
Harrison,  Hacker,  and  many  more)  of  exceeding  mean  extraction. 

That  love-vows  were  interchanged  between  this  Bride  and  Bride¬ 
groom  of  Sorrow  and  a  Dark  Dungeon  almost,  I  know  not;  but 
their  liking  for  each  other’s  society — he  imparting  to  her  some  of 
his  studies,  and  she  playing  music,  with  implements  of  which  she 
was  well  provided,  to  him  of  an  afternoon — had  become  so  apparent 
both  to  the  soldiers  on  guard  and  servants,  even  to  the  poor  Invalid 
Matrosses  wheezing  and  shivering  in  their  buff-coats,  that  Colonel 
Glover,  in  a  very  flurry  of  uncertainty,  sent  post-haste  to  Whitehall 
to  know  what  he  was  to  do — whether  to  chamber  up  Mrs.  Green¬ 
ville  in  her  chamber,  as  of  aforetime,  or  confine  the  Prisoner  in  one 
of  the  lower  vaults  in  the  body  of  the  rock,  with  so  many  pounds- 
weight  of  iron  on  his  legs.  For  Colonel  Glover  was  a  man  accus¬ 
tomed  to  use  strong  measures,  whether  with  his  family  or  with  those 
he  had  custody  over. 

No  answer  came  for  many  days;  and  the  Governor  had  almost 
begun  to  think  his  message  to  be  forgotten,  when  one  summer  even¬ 
ing  (a.d.  1661)  a  troop  of  horse  were  seen  galloping  from  the  Vil¬ 
lage  toward  the  Castle,  The  Drawbridge,  which  was  on  the  ordi- 


70 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


nary  keit  slung,  was  now  lowered;  and  the  captain  of  the  troop 
passing  up  to  the  barbican,  gave  Colonel  Glover  a  sealed  packet, 
and  told  him  that  he  and  his  men  would  biouvack  at  the  bridge-foot 
(for  the  fens  were  passable  at  this  season)  until  one  who  was  ex¬ 
pected  at  nightfall  should  come.  Meat  and  drink  were  sent  for,  and 
the  soldiers,  dismounting,  began  to  take  tobacco  and  rail  against 
the  Castle  in  their  brutal  fashion — shame  on  them! — as  an  old 
mangy  rat-trap. 

Colonel  Glover  went  up  intD  his  chamber  in  extreme  disturbance. 
He  had  opened  the  packet  and  conned  its  contents;  and  having  his 
daughter  to  him  presently,  and  charging  her,  by  her  filial  duty,  to 
use  discretion  in  all  things  that  he  should  confide  to  her,  tells  her 
that  his  Majesty  the  King  of  England,  France,  and  Ireland  was 
coming  to  the  Castle  in  a  strictly  Disguised  habit  that  very  evening. 

There  was  barely  time  to  make  the  slightest  of  preparations  for 
this  Glorious  Guest;  but  what  there  was,  and  of  the  best  of  Meat, 
and  Wine,  and  Plate,  and  hangings,  and  candles  in  sconces,  was  set 
out  in  the  Governor’s  chamber,  and  ordered  as  handsomely  as 
might  be  for  his  Majesty’s  coming.  About  eight  o’clock — the  vil¬ 
lagers  being  given  to  understand  that  only  some  noble  commander 
is  coming  1o  pass  the  soldiers  in  the  Castle  in  review — arrived  two 
lackeys,  with  panniers  and  saddle-bags,  and  a  French  varlet,  who 
said  he  was,  forsooth,  a  cook,  and  carried  about  with  him  a  whole 
elaboratory  of  stove-furnaces,  pots  and  pans,  and  jars  of  sauces  and 
condiments.  Monsieur  was  quickly  at  work  in  the  kitchen,  turning 
all  things  topsy-turvy,  and  nearly  frightening  Margery,  the  old 
cook,  who  had  been  a  baggage-wagon  sutler  at  ISTaseby  in  the  Great 
Wars,  into  fits.  About  half  past  ten  a  trumpet  was  heard  to  wind 
at  the  bridge-foot,  and  a  couple  of  horses  came  tramping  over  the 
planks,  making  the  chains  rattle  even  to  the  barbican,  where  their 
riders  dismounted. 

The  King,  for  it  is  useless  to  make  any  further  disguise  about 
him — although  the  Governor  deferred  falling  on  his  knees  and  kiss¬ 
ing  his  hand  until  he  had  conducted  him  to  his  own  chamber — was 
habited  in  strict  incognito,  wilh  an  uncurled  wig,  a  flap-hat,  and  a 
horseman’s  coat  over  all.  He  had  not  so  much  as  a  hanger  by  his 
side,  carrying  only  a  stout  oak  walking-staff.  With  him  came  a 
great  lord,  of  an  impudent  countenance,  and  with  a  rich  dress  be¬ 
neath  his  cloak,  who,  when  his  Master  was  out  of  the  room,  some¬ 
times  joked  with,  and  sometimes  swore  at,  poor  little  Ruth,  as,  I 
grieve  to  say,  was  the  uncivil  custom  among  the  Quality  in  those 
wild  days.  The  King  supped  very  copiously,  drinking  many  beak' 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


71 


ers  of  wine,  and  singing  French  songs,  to  which  the  impudent  Lord 
bent  time,  and  sometimes  presumed  to  join  in  chorus.  But  this 
Prince  was  ever  of  an  easy  manner  and  affable  complexion,  which 
so  well  explains  the  Love  his  people  bore  him.  All  this  while  the 
Governor  and  Ruth  waited  at  table,  serving  the  dishes  and  wine  on 
their  knees;  for  they  would  suffer  no  mean  hirelings  to  wait  upon 
their  guests. 

As  the  King  drank — and  he  was  a  great  taker  of  wine — he  asked 
a  multitude  of  questions  concerning  the  Prisoner  and  Mrs.  Green¬ 
ville,  to  all  of  which  Colonel  Glover  made  answer  in  as  plain  a  man¬ 
ner  as  was  consistent  with  his  deep  loyalty  and  reverence.  Soon, 
however,  Colonel  Glover  found  that  his  Majesty  was  paying  far 
more  attention  to  the  bottle  than  to  his  conversation  and,  about 
one  in  the  morning,  was  conducted,  with  much  reverence,  to  the 
Governor’s  own  sleeping  chamber,  which  had  been  hastily  prepared. 
His  Majesty  was  quite  Affable,  hut  Haggard  visibly.  The  impu¬ 
dent  Lord  was  bestowed  in  the  chamber  which  had  been  Ruth’s, 
before  she  came  to  sleep  so  near  Mrs.  Greenville;  and  it  is  well  he 
knew  not  what  a  pretty  tenant  the  room  had  had,  else  would  he  have 
doubtless  passed  some  villainous  pleasantries  thereupon. 

The  King,  who  was  always  an  early  riser,  was  up  betimes  in  the 
morning;  and  on  Colonel  Glover  representing  to  him  his  sorrow  for 
the  mean  manner  in  which  he  had  of  necessity  been  lodged,  an¬ 
swered  airily  that  he  was  better  off  there  than  in  the  Oak,  or  in 
Holland,  without  a  styver  in  his  pocket;  “  Although,  oddsfisli!” 
quoth  his  Majesty,  “  this  Castle  of  mine  seems  litter  to  harbor  wild- 
ducks  than  Christians.”  And  then  nothing  would  suit  his  Majesty 
but  to  be  introduced  to  Mrs.  Greenville,  with  whom  he  was  closeted 
two  whole  hours. 

He  came  forth  from  her  chamber  with  his  dark,  saturnine  face 
all  flushed.  “  A  brave  woman! — a  bold  woman!”  he  kept  saying. 

“  An  awful  service  she  was  like  to  have  done  me;  and  all  to  think 
that  it  was  for  love  of  poor  Frank.”  For  this  Prince  had  known 
the  Lord  Francis  well,  and  had  shown  him  many  favors. 

“And  now,  good  Master  Governor.”  the  King  continued,  but 
with  quite  another  expression  on  his  countenance,  “  we  will  see 
your  Man  Captive,  if  it  shall  so  please  you.”  And  the  two  went 
upstairs. 

This  is  all  I  am  permitted  to  tell  in  this  place  of  what  passed  be¬ 
tween  King  Charles  the  Second  and  the  Prisoner  in  the  upper 
chamber : 


72 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


“You  know  me!”  tlie  King  said,  sitting  over  against  him  at  the 
table,  and  scanning  his  face  with  dark  earnestness. 

“  You  are  Charles  Stuart,  second  of  the  name  on  the  throne  of 
England.” 

“  You  know  I  am  in  the  possession  of  your  secret — of  the  King’s 
Secret;  for  of  those  dead  it  was  known  but  to  Oliver,  as  of  those 
living  it  is  now  only  known  to  yourself  and  to  me.” 

“  And  the  young  Man,  Richard?” 

“He  never  knew  it.  His  father  never  trusted  him  so  far.  He 
had  doubts  and  suspicions,  that  was  all.” 

“  Thank  God!”  said  the  prisoner. 

“  What  was  Oliver’s  enmity  toward  you,  that  he  should  immure 
you  here  all  these  years?” 

“  I  had  served  him  too  well.  He  feared  lest  the  Shedder  of  Blood 
should  become  the  .Avenger  of  Blood.” 

“  Are  you  sorry?” 

“  Sorry!”  cried  the  Prisoner,  with  a  kind  of  scream.  “  Had  he 
a  thousand  lives,  had  I  a  thousand  hands,  I  wTould  do  the  same  to¬ 
morrow.  ’  ’  And  he  struck  the  right  hand  that  was  covered  with 
the  velvet  glove  with  cruel  violence  on  to  the  oaken  table. 


CHAPTER  THE  SEVENTH. 

I  AM  BRED  UP  IN  VERY  BAD  COMPANY,  AND  (TO  MY  SHAME)  HELP 

TO  KILL  THE  KING’S  DEER. 

I  lay  all  that  night  in  the  little  Hole  by  the  side  of  a  Bank,  just 
as  though  I  had  been  a  Fox-cub.  I  was  not  in  much  better  case  than 
^hat  Vermin,  and  I  only  marvel  that  my  School-master  did  not 
come  out  next  day  to  Hunt  me  with  horses  and  hounds.  Hounds 
The  Black  Fever  to  him! — he  had  used  me  like  a  Hound  any 
time  for  Six  Months  past;  and  often  had  I  given  tongue  under  his 
Double  Thonging.  Happily  the  weather  was  warm,  and  I  got  no 
hurt  by  sleeeping  in  the  Hole.  ’Tis  strange,  too,  what  Hardships 
and  Hazards  of  Climate  and  Excess  we  can  bear  in  our  Youth, 
whereas  in  middle  life  an  extra  Slice  gives  us  a  Surfeit,  and  another 
cup  turns  our  Liver  to  Touchwood;  whilst  in  age  (as  I  know  to  my 
sorrow)  we  dare  scarcely  venture  our  shoe  in  a  Puddle  for  fear  of 
the  Chills  and  Sciatica.  In  the  morning  I  laved  my  face  in  a 
Brook  that  hurtled  hard  by;  but  waited  very  fearfully  until  Noon 
ere  I  dared  venture  forth  from  my  covert.  I  had  filled  my  pockets 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


73 


with  Fruit  and  Bread  (which  I  am  afraid  I  did  not  come  very 
honestly  by,  and  indeed  admit  that  Gnawbit’s  Larder  and  Orchard 
found  me  in  Provender),  and  was  so  able  to  break  my  fast.  And 
my  Guinea,  I  remembered,  was  still  unchanged.  I  had  a  dim  kind 
of  impression  that  I  was  bound  to  Charlwood  Chase,  to  join  the 
Blacks,  of  whom  the  Old  Gentleman  had  spoken;  but  I  was  not 
in  any  Hurry  to  get  to  my  Goal.  I  was  Free,  albeit  a  Runaway, 
and.  felt  all  the  delights  of  Independence.  You  whose  pleasures 
lie  in  the  Bowers,  and  Beds,  and  Cards,  and  Wine,  can  little  judge 
of  the  Ease  felt  by  him  who  is  indeed  a  Beggar  and  pursued,  but 
is  at  Liberty.  I  remember  being  in  hiding  once  with  a  Gentleman 
Robber,  who  had,  by  the  aid  of  a  File  and  a  Friend,  contrived 
to  give  the  Galleys  leg-bail,  and  who  for  days  afterward  was  never 
tired  of  patting  and  smoothing  his  ankles,  and  saying,  “  Twas  there 
the  shackles  galled  me  so.”  Poor  rogue!  he  was  soon  afterward 
laid  by  the  heels  and  swung;  for  there  is  no  Neck  Verse  in  France 
to  save  a  Gentleman  from  the  GallowTs. 

Toward  evening  my  gall  began  to  grate  somewhat  with  the  sense 
of  mine  own  utter  loneliness;  and  for  a  moment  I  Wavered  between 
the  resolve  to  go  Forward,  and  a  slavish  prompting  to  return  to 
my  Tyrant  and  sutfer  all  the  torments  his  cruelty  could  visit  me 
with.  Then,  as  a  middle  course,  I  thought  I  would  creep  back 
to  my  kennel  and  die  there;  but  I  was  happily  dissuaded  from  such 
a  mean  surrender  to  Fortune’s  Spites  through  the  all-knowing  agen¬ 
cy  of  a  Bull,  that,  by  spying  me  from  afar  off  where  he  was  feeding, 
came  thundering  across  two  fields  and  through  a  shallow  stream, 
routed  me  up  from  my  refuge,  and  chased  me  into  the  open.  I 
have  often  since  been  thankful  to  this,  ungovernable  Beast  (that 
wrould  have  Tossed,  and  perchance  Gored  me  sorely,  had  he  got  at 
me),  and  seldom,  in  later  life,  when  I  have  felt  weak  and  wavering 
in  the  pursuit  of  a  profitable  purpose,  have  I  failed  to  remember  tlie 
Bull,  and  how  he  chased  me  out  of  Distempered  Idleness  into  Ac¬ 
tivity. 

The  Sun  had  begun  to  walk  in  the  west  by  the  time  I  had  mus¬ 
tered  up  enough  courage  to  come  into  the  High  Road,  which  I  had 
an  uncertain  idea  stretched  away  from  Gnawbit’s  house,  and  toward 
Reading.  But  suddenly  recalling  the  Danger  of  traveling  by  the 
Highway,  where  I  might  be  met  by  Horsemen  or  Laboring  persons 
sent  in  quest  of  me — for  it  did  not  enter  my  mind  that  I  was  too 
worthless  a  scholar  to  be  Pursued,  and  that  Gnawbit  was,  ’tis  likely 
enough,  more  Pleased  than  sorry  to  be  Rid  of  me, — I  branched  off 
from  the  main  to  the  left;  so  walking,  as  it  seemed  to  me,  many 


74 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


miles.  I  grew  nervously  hungry.  No  more  Bread  or  Apples  re¬ 
mained  in  my  pouch;  but  still  1  had  my  Guinea,  so  I  deemed,  and 
resolved  that  if  I  came  upon  any  House  of  Entertainment,  I  would 
sup.  For  indeed,  while  all  Nature  round  me  seemed  to  be  taking 
some  kind  of  Sustenance,  it  was  hard  that  I,  a  Christian,  should  go 
to  bed  (or  into  another  Fox-hole,  for  a  bed  I  had  none,  and  yet  had 
slept  in  my  time  in  a  grand  chamber  in  Hanover  Square)  with  an 
empty  belly.  The  Earth  was  beginning  to  drink  up  the  dews,  like 
an  insatiate  toper  as  she  is.  I  passed  a  flock  of  sheep  biting  their 
hasty  supper  from  the  grass;  and  each  one  with  a  little  cloud  of 
gnats  buzzing  around  it,  that  with  feeble  stings,  poor  insects,  were 
trying  for  their  supper  too.  And  ’tis  effect  we  have  upon  one  an¬ 
other.  The  birds  had  taken  home  their  worm-cheer  to  the  little  ones 
in  the  nests,  and  were  singing  their  after  supper  songs,  very  sweetly 
but  drowsily.  ’Twas  too  late  in  the  year  for  the  Nightingale — 
that  I  knew — but  the  jolly  Blackbird  was  in  full  feather  and  voice, 
and  presently  there  swept  by  me  a  great  Owl,  going  home  to  feast , 
I  will  be  bound,  in  his  hollow  tree,  and  with  nothing  less  than 
a  Field  Mouse  for  his  supper,  the  rascal.  ’Twas  a  wicked  imag¬ 
ining,  but  I  could  not  help  thinking,  as  I  heard  the  birds  carrol¬ 
ling  so  merrily — and  how  they  keep  so  plump  upon  so  little  to  eat 
is  always  to  me  a  marvel,  until  I  remember  with  what  loving  care 
Heaven  daily  spreads  their  table  from  Nature’s  infinite  ordinary 
— how  choice  a  Refection  a  dish  of  bird’s  eggs,  so  often  idly  stolen 
and  blown  hollow  by  us  boys,  would  make.  The  feathered  creat¬ 
ures  are  a  forgiving  folk;  and  ’tis  not  unlikely  that  the  Children  in 
the  Wood  had  often  gone  bird’s  nesting:  but  when  they  were  dead, 
the  kindly  Red  Jerkins  forgave  all  their  little  maraudings,  and 
covered  them  with  leaves,  as  though  the  children  had  strewn 
them  crumbs  or  brought  them  worms  from  January  to  December. 
Gnawbit  was  a  wretch  who  used  to  kill  the  Robins,  and  for  that 
if  for  naught  else,  he  will  surely  howl. 

By  and  by,  when  darkness  was  coming  down  like  a  play-house 
curtain,  and  the  Northern  wagoner  up  yonder — how  often  have  I 
watched  him  at  sea! — was  yoking  his  seven  cart-mares  to  the  stead¬ 
fast  star,  I  came  upon  a  Man — the  first  I  had  seen  since  the  Old 
Gentleman  bade  me  begone  with  my  Guinea,  and  join  the  Blacks. 
This  Man  was  not  walking  or  running,  nay,  nor  sitting  nor  lying  as 
Lazars  do  in  hedges.  But  he  tumbled  out  of  the  quickset  as  it  were, 
and  came  to  me  with  short  leaps,  making  as  though  he  would  De¬ 
vour  me.  We  school-boys  had  talked  often  enough  about  Claude 
Duval  and  the  Golden  Farmer,  and  X  set  this  Dreadful  Being  down 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


75 


at  once  as  a  Highwayman;  so  down  I  went  Plump  on  my  knees 
and  Roared  for  mercy,  as  I  was  wont  to  do  to  Gnawbit,  till  I  learned 
that  no  Roaring  would  make  him  desist  from  his  brutish  purpose. 
It  was  darkish  now,  and  I  well-nigh  fancied  the  Man  was  indeed 
my  wicked  Master,  for  he  had  an  uplifted  weapon  in  his  hands, 
but  when  he  came  nearer  to  me,  I  found  that  it  was  not  a  cane  nor 
a  Ihong,  but  a  Great  Flail,  which  he  whirled  over  his  head,  and 
then  brought  down  on  the  ground  with  a  Thwack,  making  the 
Night  Flies  dance. 

“  You  Imp  of  mischief,”  said  the  man,  as  he  seized  me  by  the 
collar  and  shook  me  roughly,  ‘‘what  are  you  doing  here,  spying 
on  honest  folks?  Speak,  or  I’ll  brain  you  with  this  Flail.” 

I  thought  it  best  to  tell  this  terrible  man  the  Truth. 

“  If  you  please,  sir,”  I  answered,  trembling,  “  I’ve  run  away.” 

“  Run  away  from  where,  you  egg?” 

“  From  Gnawbit’s,  sir.” 

“  And  who  the  pest  is  Gnawbit,  you  hempen  babe?” 

“My  school-master,  sir.” 

“Ha!  that’s  good,”  the  Man  replied,  loosening  his  hold  some¬ 
what  on  my  collar.  “  And  what  did  you  run  away  for?” 

I  told  him  in  broken  sentences  my  short  Story — of  my  Suffering 
at  School,  at  least,  but  never  saying  a  word  about  my  being  a  little 
Gentleman,  and  the  son  of  a  Lady  of  Quality  in  Hanover  Square. 

“  And  where  are  you  going?”  the  Man  asked,  when  I  had  fin¬ 
ished. 

I  told  him  that  I  was  on  my  way  to  Charlwood  Chase  to  join 
the  Blacks.  And  then  he  asked  me  whether  I  had  any  Money, 
whereto  I  answered  that  I  had  a  Guinea;  and  little  doubting  in  my 
Quaking  Heart  but  that  he  would  presently  Wrench  it  from  me, 
if  haply  he  were  not  minded  to  have  Meal  as  well  as  Malt,  and  brain 
me  as  he  had  threatened.  But  he  forbore  to  offer  me  violence,  and, 
quite  releasing  his  hold,  said : 

“  I  suppose  you’d  like  some  supper.” 

I  said  that  I  had  not  broken  my  fast  for  many  hours,  and  was 
dead  a-hungered. 

“And  wouldn’t  mind  supping  with  the  Blacks  in  Charlwood 
Chase,  eh?”  he  continued. 

I  rather  gave  him  to  understand  that  such  was  not  only  my  Wish 
but  my  Ambition. 

“Come  along  to  the  Blacks,  then,”  said  the  Man.  “  I'm  one 

of ’m.” 

He  drew  a  Lantern  from  under  his  garments  as  he  spoke,  and 


70 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


letting  out  the  Light  from  the  slide,  passed  it  over,  and  up  and 
down,  his  Face  and  Figure.  Then  did  I  see  with  Horror  and  Amaze¬ 
ment  that  both  his  Countenance  and  his  Raiment  were  all 
smirched  and  bewrayed  with  dabs  and  patches  of  what  seemed  soot 
or  blackened  grease.  It  was  a  once  white  Smock  or  Gaberdine 
that  made  the  chief  part  of  his  apparel;  and  this,  with  the  black 
patches  on  it,  gave  him  a  Pied  appearance  fearful  to  behold.  There 
was  on  his  head  what  looked  like  a  great  bundle  of  black  rags; 
and  tufts  of  hair  that  might  have  been  pulled  out  of  the  mane  of 
a  wild  horse  grew  out  from  either  side  of  his  face,  and  wreathed 
its  lower  half. 

“Come  along,”  repeated  the  Man;  “  we’ll  blacken  you  bravely 
in  time,  my  Chicken- skin.” 

And  so  he  grasped  my  hand  in  his — and  when  I  came  to  look  at 
it  afterward,  I  found  it  smeared  with  sable,  and  with  great  black 
finger-marks  upon  it — and  led  me  away.  We  journey  on  in  the 
Dark — for  he  had  put  up  his  Lantern — for  another  good  half  hour, 
he  singing  to  himself  from  time  to  time  some  hoarse  catches  of  song 
having  reference  to  some  “  Billy  Boys,”  that  1  conjectured  were  his 
companions.  And  so  we  struck  from  by-lane  into  by-lane,  and 
presently  into  a  Plantation,  and  then  through  a  gap  in  a  Hedge,  and 
through  a  Ditch  full  of  Brambles,  which  galled  my  legs  sorely.  I 
was  half  asleep  by  this  time,  and  was  only  brought  to  full  wake¬ 
fulness  by  the  deep  baying  as  of  a  Dog  some  few  yards,  as  it 
seemed,  from  us. 

The  Lantern’s  light  gleamed  forth  again;  and  in  the  circle  of  Clear 
it  made  I  could  see  we  were  surrounded  by  tall  Trees  that  with 
their  long  crooked  Arms  looked  as  though  they  would  entwine  me 
in  deadly  embraces. 

“  Hist!”  the  man  said  very  low.  “  That’s  surely  Black  Towzer’s 
tongue.”  And  to  my  huge  dismay  he  set  up  a  sad  responsive 
Howl,  very  like  unto  that  of  a  Dog,  but  not  at  all  akin  to  the  voice 
of  a  Man. 

The  answer  to  this  was  a  whistle,  and  human  speech,  saying, 

“  Black  Jowler!” 

“  Black  Towzer,  for  a  spade  Guinea!”  my  companion  made  an¬ 
swer;  and  in  another  moment  there  came  bounding  toward  us  an¬ 
other  fellow  in  the  same  blackened  masquerade  as  he,  and  with 
another  Lantern.  He  had  with  him,  besides,  a  shaggy  hound  that 
smelled  me  suspiciously  and  prowled  round  me,  growling  low,  I 
shivering  the  whiles. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


77 


“  What  have  we  here?”  asked  the  Second  Black;  for  I  made  no 
doubt  now  but  that  my  Company  were  of  that  Confederacy. 

“  Kid  loose,”  replied  he  who  was  to  take  me  to  supper.  “  Given 
the  keepers  the  slip,  and  run  down  by  Billy  Boys’  park.  Alia!” 
and  he  whispered  his  comrade  ruffian. 

Out  went  the  Lanterns  again,  and  he  who  answered  to  the  name 
of  Jowler  tightened  his  grasp,  and  bade  me  for  a  young  Tyburn 
Token  quicken  my  pace.  So  we  walked  and- walked  again,  poor  I 
as  sore  as  a  pilgrim  tramping  up  the  Hill  to  Louth — which  I  have 
many  times  seen  in  those  parts — with  shards  in  his  shoes.  Then  it 
must  come,  forsooth,  to  more  whistling;  and  the  same  Play  being 
over,  we  had  one  more  Lantern  to  our  Band,  and  one  more  Scurvy 
Companion  as  Black  as  a  Flag,*  who  in  their  kennel  Tongue  was 
Mungo.  And  by  and  by  we  were  joined  by  Surly,  and  Black  Tom, 
and  Grumps;  and  so  with  these  fire  Men,  who  were  pleased  to  be 
called  as  the  Beasts  are,  I  stumbled  along,  tired,  and  drowsy,  and 
famisittffg,  and  thinking  my  journey  would  never  come  to  an  end. 

Surely  it  must  have  been  long  past  midnight  when  we  made  a 
halt;  and  all  the  five  lanterns  being  lit,  and  making  so  many  danc¬ 
ing  wheels  of  yellow,  I  found  that  we  were  still  encircled  by  those 
tall  trees  with  the  twining  arms.  And  Jowler — for  it  is  useless  to 
speak  of  my  conductor  according  to  Human  Rule — gave  me  a  rough 
pat  on  the  shoulder,  and  bade  me  cheer  up,  for  that  I  should  have 
my  supper  very  soon  now.  All  five  then  joined  in  a  whistle  so 
sharp,  so  clear,  and  so  well  sustained,  that  it  sounded  well-nigh 
melodious;  and  to  this  there  came,  after  the  lapse  of  a  few  seconds, 
the  noise  as  of  a  little  peevish  Terrier  barking. 

“  True  as  Touchwood,”  cried  Black  Jowler.  “In,  Billy  Boys, 
and  hey  for  fat  and  flagons.” 

With  this  he  takes  me  by  the  shoulders,  telling  me  to  fear  naught, 
and  spend  my  money  like  a  gentleman,  and  bundles  me  before  him 
till  we  came  to  something  hard,  as  board.  This  I  presently  found 
was  a  door;  and  in  an  instant  I  was  in  the  midst  of  a  kind  of  Tavern 
parlor,  all  lighted  up  with  great  candles  stuck  into  lumps  of  clay, 
and  face  to  face  with  the  Fattest  Woman  I  ever  saw  in  my  life. 

‘‘Mother  Moll  Drum,”  quoth  my  conductor,  “save  you,  and 
give  me  a  quart  of  three  threads,  or  I  faint.  Body  o’  me,  was  ever 
green  plover  so  pulled  as  I  was.” 

The  Fat  Woman  he  called  Mother  Moll  Drum  was  to  all  seeming 

*  “  My  Flag  ”  in  the  original  MS. ;  but  I  put  it  down  as  a  slip  of  the  pen,  and 
altered  it.— G.  A.  S. 


78 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS, 


in  no  very  blessed  temper;  for  she  bade  Jowler  go  bang  for  a  lean 
polecat,  and  be  cursed  meanwhile,  and  that  she  would  draw  him 
naught. 

“Come,  come.  Mother,”  Jowler  said,  making  as  though  to  ap¬ 
pease  her,  “  what  be  these  tantrums?  Come,  draw;  for  I  am  as 
thirty  as  an  hour-glass,  poor  wretch,  that  has  felt  sand  run  through 
his  gullet  any  time  these  twenty  years.” 

“  Draw  for  yourself,  rogue,  ’  ’  says  Mother  Drum;  “  there’s  naught 
I’ll  serve  you  with,  unless,  indeed,  I  were  bar-woman  at  St.  Giles’s 
Pound,  and  hath  to  froth  you  your  last  quart,  as  you  went  up  the 
Heavy  Hill  to  Tyburn.” 

“  We  shall  all  go  therein  time — good  time,”  breaks  in  a  deep 
solemn  voice,  drawn  somehow  through  the  nose,  and  coming  from 
the  Man-Dog  they  called  Grumps;  “  meanwhile,  O  greasy  woman, 
let  the  beverage  our  brother  asked  for  be  drawn,  and  even  Grumps, 
will  partake  thereof,  and  ask  a  blessing.” 

“Woman  yourself!”  cries  Moll  Drum,  in  a  rage.  “Woman 
yourself,  and  T —  in  your  teeth,  and  to  the  mother  that  bore  you, 
and  sat  in  the  stocks  for  Lightness!  Who  are  you,  quotha,  old 
reverend  smock  with  the  splay  foot?  Come  up,  now,  prithee,  Bride¬ 
well  Bird!  You  will  drink,  will  you?  I  saw  no  dust  or  cobwebs 
come  out  of  your  mouth.  Go  hang,  you  moon-calf,  false  faucet, 
you  roaring  horse- courser,  you  ranger  of  Turnbull,  you  dull  malt- 
house  with  a  mouth  of  a  peck  and  the  sign  of  the  swallow  above.  ’  ’ 

By  this  time  Mother  Drum  was  well-nigh  out  of  breath,  and 
panted,  and  looked  so  hot,  that  they  might  have  put  her  up  by 
Temple  Bar  on  Queen  Bess’s  birthnight  for  a  Bonfire,  and  so  saved 
Tar  Barrels.  And  as  she  spoke  she  brandished  a  large  Frying  Pan, 
from  which  great  drops  of  hot  grease — smelling  very  savory  by  the 
way — dropped  on  to  the  sanded  floor.  The  other  Blacks  seemed  in 
nowise  disturbed  by  this  Dispute,  but  were  rather  amused  thereby, 
and  gathered  in  a  ring  round  Jowler  and  Grumps  and  the  Fat 
Woman  laughing. 

“Never  mind,  Mother  Drum,”  quoth  one;  “she  was  a  pig- 
woman  once  in  Bartlemy  Fair,  and  lost  her  temper  through  the 
heat  of  a  coal-fire  roasting  porkers.  Was’t  not  hot,  Mother  Drum? 
was  not  Tophet  a  kind  of  cool  cellar  to  it  ?’  ’ 

It  was  Surly  who  spoke,  and  Mother  Drum  turns  on  him  in  a 
rage. 

“  You  lie,  you  panniersman’s  by-blow!”  she  cried;  “  you  bony 
muck-fowl,  with  the  bony  back  sticking  out  like  the  ace  of  spades 
on  the  point  of  a  small  sword!  you  lie,  Bobchin,  Changeling,  Horse- 


CAPTAIN  DANC4EB0US. 


79 


leech!  ’Slid,  you  Shrovetide  Cutpurse,  I’ll  scald  your  hide  with 
gravy,  I  will!” 

“  Ware  the  pan,  ware  the  pan!”  all  the  Blacks  cried  out;  for  the 
Good  Woman  made  a  flourish  as  though  she  would  have  carried  out 
her  threat;  whereupon  my  Man-Dog,  Jowler,  thought  it  was  lime 
to  interpose,  and  spoke. 

“  There’s  no  harm  in  Mother  Drum,  but  that  her  temper’s  as  hot 
as  her  pan,  and  we  are  late  to  supper.  Come,  Mother,  Draw  for 
us,  and  save  you  still.  I’ll  treat  you  to  burned  brandy  after¬ 
ward.  ’  ’ 

“  What  did  he  call  me  Pig-Woman  for?”  she  grumbled,  but  still 
half  mollified.  “What  if  I  did  waste  my  youth  and  prime  in 
cooking  of  porkers  in  a  booth;  I  am  no  cutpurse.  I,  I  never  shoved 
the  tumbler  for  tail-drawing  or  poll-snatcliing  on  a  levee-day.*  But 
I  wifi  draw  for  you,  and  welcome  my  guests  of  the  game.  ’  * 

“  And  Supper,  good  Moll,  Supper,”  added  Jowler. 

‘  ‘  An  you  had  not  hindered  me,  it  would  have  been  ready  up¬ 
stairs.  There  are  more  upstairs  besides  you  that  hunger  after  the 
fat  and  the  lean.  But  can  you  sup  without  a  cook?  Will  venison 
run  off  the  spit  ready  roasted,  think  you,  like  the  pigs  in  Lubber- 
land,  that  jump  down  your  throat,  and  cry  wee  wee?” 

She  began  to  bustle  about,  and  summoned,  by  the  name  of  Cicely 
Grip — adding  thereto  the  epithet  of  ‘  ‘  faggot  ’  ’ — a  stout  serving-lass, 
who  might  have  been  comely  enough,  but  whose  face  and  hands 
were  very  nearly  as  black  as  those  of  the  Man-Dog’s.  This  wench 
brought  a  number  of  brown  jugs  full  of  beer,  and  the  Blacks  took 
to  drinking  with  much  zest.  Then  Jowler,  who  seemed  a  kind  of 
lieutenant,  in  some  authority  over  them,  gave  the  word  of  com¬ 
mand  to  “  Peel;”  and  they  hastened  to  leave  the  room,  which  was 
but  a  mean  sort  of  barn-like  chamber,  with  bare  walls,  a  wattled 
roof,  and  a  number  of  rough  wooden  tables  and  settles,  all  littered 
with  jugs  and  Tobacco-pipes.  So  I  and  the  Fat  Woman  and  Jowl¬ 
er,  Cicely  Grip  having  betaken  herself  to  the  kitchen,  were  left  to¬ 
gether. 

“  Cicely  will  dish  up,  Mother  Drum,”  he  says;  “  you  have  fried 
collops  enow  for  us,  I  trow;  and  if  more  are  wanted  for  the  Billy 
Boys,  you  can  to  your  pan  again.  You  began  your  brandy  pottage 

*  Madame  Drum,  so  far  as  I  can  make  out  the  argot  of  the  day,  here  insinu¬ 
ated  that  her  opponent  had  been  corrected  at  the  cart’s  tail  for  stealing  swords 
out  of  the  scabbards,  and  conveying  wigs  from  the  heads  of  their  owners;  two 
crimes  which  have  become  obsolete  since  the  Quality  have  ceased,  to  wear 
swords  and  periwigs.— G.  A.  S, 


80 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


too  early  to-night,  Mother.  Let  us  have  no  more  of  your  vapors 
twixt  this  and  day-break,  prithee.  What  would  Captain  Night 
say?” 

“  Captain  Night  be  hangecl!” 

“  He  will  be  hanged,  as  our  brother  Surly  has  it,  in  good  time,  I 
doubt  it  not.  Meanwhile,  order  must  be  kept  at  the  Stag  o’  Tyne. 
Get  you  and  draw  the  dram  I  promised  you;  and,  Mother,  wash  for 
me  this  little  lad’s  face  and  hands,  that  he  may  sit  down  to  meat 
with  us  in  a  seemly  manner.  ’  ’ 

“Who  the  Clink  is  he?”  asked  Mother  Drum,  eying  me  with 
no  very  Great  Favor. 

“  He  says  he  is  little  Boy  Jack,”  answered  Mr.  Jowler  gravely. 
“We  will  give  him  another  name  before  we  have  done  with  him. 
Meantime  he  has  a  guinea  in  his  pocket  to  pay  his  shot,  and  that’s 
enough  for  the  fat  old  Alewife  of  the  Stag  o’  Tyne.” 

“Fat  again!”  muttered  Mother  Drum.  “  Is  it  a  ’Sizes  matter 
lobe  full  of  flesh?  I  be  fal  indeed,”  she  ansv-ered  with  a  sigh, 
“  and  must  have  a  chair  let  out  o’  the  sides  for  me,  that  these  poor 
old  hips  may  have  play.  And  I,  that  was  of  so  buxom  a  figure.” 

“  Never  mind  your  Figure,  Mother,  ”  remarked  my  Conductor, 
“  but  do  my  bidding.  I’ll  e’en  go  and  peel  too;”  and  without  more 
ado  he  leaves  us. 

Mother  Drum  went  into  her  kitchen  and  fetched  forth  a  Tin  Bowl 
full  of  hot  suds,  and  with  these  she  washed  me  as  she  had  been  di¬ 
rected.  I  bore  it  all  unresistingly — likewise  a  scrubbing  with  a 
rough  towel.  Then,  when  my  hair  was  kempt  with  an  old  Felting 
comb,  almost  toothless,  I  felt  refreshed  and  hungrier  than  ever. 
But  Mother  Drum  never  ceased  to  complain  of  having  been  called 
fat. 

‘  ‘  Time  was,  my  smooth-faced  Coney,  ’  ’  she  said,  ‘  ‘  that  I  was  as 
lithe  and  limber  as  you  are,  and  was  called  Jaunty  Peg.  And  now 
poor  old  Moll  cooks  collops  for  those  that  are  born  to  dance  jigs  in 
chains  for  the  north-east  wind  to  play  the  fiddle  to.  Time  was 
when  a  whole  army  followed  me,  when  I  beat  the  drum  before  the 
great  Duke.” 

“  What  Duke?”  I  asked,  looking  up  at  her  great  red  face. 

“  What  Duke,  milksop!  Why,  who  should  I  mean  but  the  Duke 
that  won  Hochstedt  and  Ramifies : — the  Ace  of  Trumps,  my  dear, 
that  saved  the  Queen  of  Hearts,  the  good  Queen  Anne,  so  bravely. 
What  Duke  should  I  mean  but  John  o’  Malborough?” 

“  I  bave  seen  him,  ’  ’  I  said,  with  childish  gravity, 


CAPTAIN  1)A  ngerous. 


81 


“Seen  him!  when  and  where,  loblolly  boy?  You’re  too  young 
to  have  been  a  drummer.  ’  ’ 

“I  saw  him,’’ I  answered,  blushing  and  stammering;  “  I  saw 
him  when — when  I  was  a  little  Gentleman.  ’  ’ 

“  Lord  save  us!”  cries  Mother  Drum,  bursting  into  a  jolly  laugh. 
“  A  Gentleman!  since  when,  your  lordship,  I  pray?  But  we’re  all 
Gentlefolks  here,  I  trow;  and  Captain  Night’s  the  Marquis  of 
Aylesbury  Jail.  A  Gentleman!  oho!” 

Hereupon,  and  which,  to  my  great  relief,  quitted  me  of  the  per¬ 
turbation  brought  on  by  a  Rash  Admission,  there  came  three  knock 
from  above,  and  Mother  Drum  said  hurriedly,  “Supper,  supper;” 
and  opening  a  side-door,  pushes  me  bn  to  a  staircase,  and  tells  me 
to  mount,  and  pull  a  reverence  to  the  company  I  found  at  table. 

Twenty  steps  brought  me  to  another  door  I  found  on  the  jar,  and 
I  passed  into  a  great  room  with  a  roof  of  wooden  joists,  and  a  vast 
table  in  the  middle  set  out  with  supper.  There  was  no  table-cloth; 
but  there  were  plenty  of  meats  smoking  hot  in  great  pewter  dishes. 
I  never  saw,  either,  so  many  bottles  and  glasses  on  one  board  in  my 
life;  and  besides  these,  there  was  good  store  of  great  shining 
Flagons,  carved  and  chased,  which  I  afterward  knew  to  be  of  Solid 
Silver. 

Round  this  table  were  gathered  at  least  Twenty  Men;  and  but 
for  their  voices  I  should  never  have  known  that  five  among  them 
were  my  companions  of  just  now.  For  all  were  attired  in  a  very 
brave  Manner,  wore  wigs  and  powder  and  embroidered  waistcoats; 
although,  what  I  thought  strange,  each  man  dined  in  boots,  with  a  ' 
gold-laced  hat  on  his  head,  and  his  Hanger  by  his  side,  and  a  brace 
of  Pistols  on  the  table  beside  him.  Yet  I  must  make  two  exceptions 
to  this  rule.  He  whom  they  called  Surly  had  on  a  full  frizzed  wig 
and  a  cassock  and  bands,  that,  but  for  his  rascal  face,  would  have 
put  me  in  mind  of  the  Parson  at  St.  George’s  Hanover  Square, 
who  always  seemed  to  be  so  angry  with  me.  Surly  was  Chaplain, 
and  said  Grace,  and  eat  and  drank  more  than  any  one  there.  Lastly, 
at  the  table’s  head  sat  a  thin,  pale,  proper  kind  of  a  man,  wearing 
his  own  hair  long  in  a  silken  club,  dressed  in  the  pink  of  Fashion, 
as  though  he  were  bidden  to  a  birthday,  with  a  dandy  rapier  at  his 
side,  and  instead  of  Pistols,  a  Black  Velvet  Visor  laid  by  the  side  of 
his  plate.  He  had  very  large  blue  eyes  and  very  fair  hair.  He 
might  have  been  some  thirty-five  years  old,  and  the  guests,  who 
treated  him  with  much  deference,  addressed  him  as  Captain  Night. 

Mr.  Jowler,  whose  hat  had  as  brave  a  cock  as  any  there,  made 
ine  sit  by  him;  and,  with  three  more  knocks  and  the  Parson/ g 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


82 

Grace,  we  all  fell  to  supper.  They  helped  me  plentifully,  and  I  eat 
my  fill.  Then  my  friend  gave  me  a  silver  porringer  full  of  wine- 
and- water.  It  was  all  very  good;  but  I  knew  not  what  viands  I 
was  eating,  and  made  bold  to  ask  Jowler. 

“  ’Tis  venison,  boy,  that  was  never  shot  by  the  King’s  keeper,” 
he  answered.  “  But,  if  you  would  be  free  of  Chari  wood  Chase, 
and  wish  to  get  out  yet  with  a  whole  skin,  I  should  advise  you  to 
eat  your  meat  and  ask  no  questions.” 

I  was  very  much  frightened  at  this,  and  said  no  more  until  the 
end  of  Supper.  When  they  had  finished,  they  fell  to  drinking  of 
Healths,  great  bowls  of  Punch  being  brought  to  them  for  that  pur¬ 
pose.  The  first  toast  was  the  King,  and  that  fell  to  Jowler. 

“  The  King!”  says  he,  rising. 

“  Over  the  water?”  they  ask. 

“  No,”  answers  Jowler.  “  The  King  everywhere.  King  James, 
and  God  bless  him.  ’  ’ 

“  I  won’t  drink  that,”  objects  the  Chaplain.  “  You  know  I  am 
a  King  George  man.” 

“  Drink  the  Foul  Fiend,  an’  you  will,”  retorts  the  Proposer. 
“You’d  be  stanch  and  true  either  way.  Now,  Billy  Boys,  the 
King.” 

And  they  fell  to  tumbling  down  on  their  knees,  and  drinking  His 
Majesty  in  brimming  bumpers.  I  joined  in  the  ceremony  perforce, 
although  I  knew  nothing  about  King  James,  save  that  Monarch  my 
Grandmother  used  to  speak  about,  who  Withdrew  himself  from 
these  kingdoms  in  the  year  1688;  and  at  Church  ’twas  King  George 
they  were  wont  to  pray  for,  and  not  King  James.  And  little  did  I 
ween  that,  in  drinking  this  Great  Person  on  my  knees,  I  was  dis¬ 
obeying  the  Precept  of  my  dear  dead  Kinswoman. 

“  I  have  a  bad  foot,”  quoth  Captain  Night,  “  and  can  not  stir 
from  my  chair;  but  I  drink  all  healths  that  come  from  loyal  hearts.” 

Many  more  Heallhs  followed.  The  Chaplain  gave  the  Church, 
“  and  confusion  to  Old  Rapine,  that  goes  about  robbing  chancels  of 
their  chalices,  and  parsons  of  their  dues,  and  the  very  poor-box  of 
alms.”  And  then  they  drank  “  Vert  and  Venison,”  and  then, 
“  A  black  face,  a  white  smock,  and  a  red  hand.”  And  then  they 
betook  themselves  to  Roaring  choruses,  and  Smoking  and  Drinking 
galore,  until  I  fell  fast  asleep  in  my  chair. 

I  woke  up  not  much  before  Noon  the  next  day,  in  a  neat  little 
chamber  very  cleanly  appointed;  but  found  to  my  surprise  that,  in 
addition  to  my  own  clothes,  there  was  laid  by  my  bedside  a  little 
Smock  or  Gaberdine  of  coarse  linen,  and  a  bowlful  of  some  sooty 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


83 


stuff  that  made  me  shudder  to  look  at.  And  my  Surprise  was 
heightened  into  amazed  astonishment  when,  having  donned  my  own 
garments,  and  while  curiously  turniDg  over  the  Gaberdine,  there 
came  a  knock,  and  anon  stepped  into  the  room  that  same  comely 
Servant-maid  that  had  ridden  with  us  in  the  Wagon  six  months 
since,  on  that  sad  journey  to  school,  and  that  had  been  so  kind  to 
me  in  the  way  of  new  milk  and  cheesecakes. 

She  was  very  smartly  dressed,  with  a  gay  flowered  apron,  and  a 
fly-cap  all  over  glass-beads,  like  so  many  Blue-bottles.  And  she 
had  a  gold  brooch  in  her  stomacher,  and  fine  thread  hose,  and  red 
Heels  to  her  shoes. 

She  was  as  kind  to  me  as  ever,  and  told  me  that  I  was  among 
those  who  would  treat  me  well,  and  stand  my  friends,  if  I  obeyed 
their  commands.  And  I,  who,  I  confess,  had  by  this  time  begun 
to  look  on  the  Blacks  and  their  Ways  with  a  kind  of  School-boy 
glee,  rose,  nothing  loath,  and  donned  the  Strange  Accouterments  my 
entertainers  provided  for  me.  The  girl  helped  me  to  dress,  smiling 
and  giggling  mightily  the  while;  but,  as  I  dressed,  I  could  not  help 
calling  her  by  the  name  she  had  given  me  in  the  Wagon,  and  ask¬ 
ing  how  she  had  come  into  that  strange  Place. 

“  Hush,  hush!”  says  she.  “  I’m  Marian  now,  Maid  Marian,  that 
lives  with  Mother  Drum,  and  serves  the  Gentlemen  Blacks,  and 
brings  Captain  Night  his  morning  Draught.  None  of  us  are  called 
by  our  real  names  at  the  Stag  o’  Tyne,  my  dear.  We  all  are  in 
No-man’s-land.” 

“  But  where  is  No-man’s-land,  and  what  is  the  Stag  o’  Tyne?”  I 
asked,  as  she  slipped  the  Gaberdine  over  my  head. 

“  No-man’s-land  is  just  in  the  left-hand  top  Corner  of  Chari  wood 
Chase,  after  you  have  turned  to  the  left,  and  gone  as  far  forward 
as  you  can  by  taking  two  steps  backward  for  every  one  straight 
on,”  answers  the  saucy  hussy.  “And  the  Stag  o’ Tyne’s  even  a 
Christian  House  of  Entertainment  that  Mother  Drum  keeps.” 

“  And  who  is  Mother  Drum?”  I  resumed,  my  eyes  opening  wider 
than  ever. 

“  A  decent  Alewife,  much  given  to  grease,  and  that  cooks  the 
King’s  Venison  fcr  Captain  Night  and  his  Gentlemen  Blacks.” 

“  And  Captain  Night — who  is  he?” 

“Ask  me  no  questions,  and  I’ll  tell  you  no  lies,”  she  makes 
reply.  “  Captain  Night  is  a  Gentleman  every  inch  of  him,  and  as 
sure  as  Tom  o’  Ten  Thousand.” 

“  And  the  Gentlemen  Blacks?” 

“You’re  mighty  particular,”  quoth  she,  regarding  me  with  a 


84 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS, 


comical  look.  “  Well,  my  dear,  since  3^011  are  to  be  a  Black  your¬ 
self,  and  a  Gentleman  to  boot,  I  don’t  mind  telling  you.  The  Gen¬ 
tlemen  Blacks  are  all  Bold  Hearts,  that  like  to  kill  the  King’s  Veni¬ 
son  without  a  Ranger’s  Warrant,  and  to  eat  of  it  without  paying 
Fee  nor  Royalty,  and  that  drink  of  the  very  best — ” 

“  And  that  have  Dog-whips  to  lay  about  the  shoulders  of  tattling 
minxes  and  curious  urchins,”  cries,  to  my  dismay,  a  voice  behind 
us,  and  so  to  us — by  his  voice  at  least — Captain  Night,  but  in  his 
body  no  longer  the  same  gay  spark  that  I  had  seen  the  night  before, 
or  rather  that  morning  early.  He  was  as  Black,  and  Hairy,  and 
Savage-looking  as  any — as  Jowler,  or  any  one  of  that  Dark  Gang; 
and  in  no  way  differed  from  them,  save  that  on  the  middle  finger 
of  his  Ritght  Hand  there  glittered,  from  out  all  his  Grease  and  Soot, 
a  Great  Diamond  Ring. 

<c  Come,”  he  cries,  “  Mistress  Nimble  Tongue,  will  you  be  giving 
your  Red  Rag  a  gallop  yet,  and  Billy  Boys  waiting  to  break  their 
Fast?  Dispatch,  and  set  out  the  boy,  as  I  bade  you.” 

“  I  am  no  kitchen- wench,  I,”  answers  the  Maid  of  the  Wagon, 
tossing  her  head.  “  Cicely  o’  the  Cinders  yonder  wall  bring  you  to 
your  umble-pie,  and  a  Jack  of  small-beer  to  cool  you,  I  trow. 
Was  it  live  Charcoal  or  Seacoal  embers  that  you  swallowed  last 
night,  Captain,  makes  you  so  dry  this  morning?” 

“Never  mind,  Gcody  Slack  Jaw,”  says  Captain  Night.  “I 
shall  be  thirstier  anon  from  listening  to  your  prate.  Will  you  hurry 
now,  Gadfly,  or  is  the  sun  to  sink  before  we  get  hounds  in  leash?” 

Thus  admonished,  the  girl  takes  me  by  the  arm,  and,  without 
more  ado,  dips  a  rag  in  the  pot  of  black  pigment,  and  begins  to 
smear  all  my  hands,  and  face,  and  throat,  with  dabs  of  disguising 
shade.  And,  as  she  bade  me  do  the  same  to  my  Garment,  and 
never  spare  Soot,  I  fell  to  work  too,  making  myself  into  the  like¬ 
ness  of  a  Chimney-boy,  till  they  might  have  taken  me  into  a  nurs¬ 
ery  to  Frighten  naughty  children. 

Captain  Night  sat  by  himself  on  the  side  of  the  bed,  idly  clicking 
a  pistol-lock  till  such  time  as  he  proceeded  to  load  it,  the  which 
threw  me  into  a  cold  tremor,  not  knowing  but  that  it  might  be  the 
Custom  among  the  Gentlemen  Blacks  to  blow  out  the  brains  in  the 
morning  of  those  they  had  feasted  overnight.  Yet,  as  there  never 
was  School-boy,  I  suppose,  but  delighted  in  Soiling  of  his  raiment, 
and  making  himself  as  Black  as  any  Sweep  in  Whetstone  Park,  so 
did  I  begin  to  feel  something  like  a  Pleasure  in  being  masqueraded 
up  to  this  Disguise,  and  began  to  wish  for  a  Pistol  such  as  Captain 


CAPTAIN'  DANGEROUS. 


$5 


Night  had  in  his  Hand,  and  such  a  Diamond  Ring  as  he  wore  on 
his  finger. 

“  There!”  cries  the  Maid  of  the  Wagon,  when  I  was  well 
Blacked,  surveying  me  approvingly.  “  You’re  a  real  imp  of  Chari- 
wood  Chase  now.  Ugh!  thou  young  Rig!  I’ll  kiss  you  when  the 
Captain  brings  you  home,  and  good  soap  and  water  takes  off  those 
mourning  weeds  before  supper- time.  ” 

She  had  clapped  a  great  Deerskin  cap  on  my  head,  and  giving 
me  a  friendly  pat,  was  going  off,  when  I  could  not  help  asking  her 
in  a  sly  whisper  what  had  become  of  the  Pewterer  of  Panyer  Alley. 

“  What!  you  remember  him,  do  you?”  she  returned,  with  a 
half  smile  and  a  half  sigh.  “  Well,  the  Pewterer’s  here,  and  as 
black  as  you  are.  ’  ’ 

“  But  I  thought  you  were  to  wed,”  I  remarked. 

“Well!”  she  went  on,  almost  fiercely,  “  can  not  one  wed  at  the 
Stag  o’  Tyne?  We  have  a  brave  Chaplain  down-stairs — as  good  as 
a  Fleet  Parson  any  day,  I  wuss.” 

“  But  the  Pewterer?”  I  persisted. 

“I’ll  hang  the  Pewterer  round  thy  neck!”  she  exclaimed,  in  a 
pet.  “  The  Pewterer  was  unfortunate  in  his  business,  and  so  took 
to  the  Road;  and  thus  we  have  all  come  together  in  Chari  wood 
Chase.  But  ask  me  no  more  questions,  or  Captain  Night  will  be 
deadly  angry.  Look,  he  fumes  already.” 

She  tripped  away  saying  this,  and  in  Time,  I  think;-  for  indeed 
the  Captain  was  beginning  to  show  signs  of  impatience.  She  being 
gone,  he  took  me  on  his  knee,  all  Black  as  I  was,  and  in  a  voice 
kind  enough,  but  full  of  authority,  bade  me  tell  him  all  my  History 
and  the  bare  truth,  else  would  he  have  me  tied  neck  and  heels  and 
thrown  to  the  fishes. 

So  I  told  this  strange  Man  all — of  Hanover  Square,  and  my  earli¬ 
est  childhood.  Of  the  Unknown  Lady,  and  her  Behavior  and  con¬ 
versation,  even  to  her  Death.  Of  her  Funeral,  and  the  harsh  bear¬ 
ing  of  Mistress  Talmasli  and  the  Steward  Cadwallader  unto  me  in 
my  Helplessness  and  Loneliness.  Of  my  being  smuggled  away  in 
a  Wagon  and  sent  to  school  to  Gnawbit,  and  of  the  barbarous 
cruelty  with  which  I  had  been  treated  by  that  Monster.  And 
finally,  of  the  old  Gentleman  that  used  to  cry,  “  Bear  it!  bear  it!” 
and  of  his  giving  me  a  Guinea,  and  bidding  me  run  away. 

He  listened  to  all  I  had  to  say,  and  then  putting  me  down, 

“  A  strange  story,  ”  he  thoughtfully  remarks,  “and  not  learned 
out  of  the  story-books  either,  or  I  sorely  err.  You  have  not  a  Ly¬ 
ing  Face,  my  man.  Wait  awhile  and  you’ll  wear  a  Mask  thicker 


86 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


than  all  that  screen  of  soot  you  have  upon  you  now.”  But  in  this 
he  was  mistaken;  for  John  Dangerous  ever  scorned  deception,  and 
through  life  has  always  acted  fair  and  above-hoard. 

“  And  that  Guinea,”  he  continued.  “  Hast  it  still?” 

I  answered  that  I  had,  producing  it  as  I  spoke,  and  that  I  was 
ready  to  pay  my  Reckoning,  and  to  treat  him  and  the  others,  in 
which,  meseems,  there  spoke  less  of  the  little  Runaway  School-boy 
that  had  turned  Sweep,  than  of  the  Little  Gentleman  that  was  wont 
to  be  a  Patron  to  his  Grandmother’s  lackeys  in  Hanover  Square. 

“  Keep  thy  piece  of  Gold,”  he  answers,  with  a  smile.  “Thou 
shalt  pay  thy  footing  soon  enough.  Or  wilt  thou  go  forth  with  thy 
Guinea  and  spend  it,  and  be  taken  by  thy  School-master  to  be  whip¬ 
ped,  perchance  to  death?” 

I  replied  that  I  had  the  much  rather  stay  with  him  and  the  Gen¬ 
tlemen. 

“  The  less  said  of  the  ‘  Gentlemen  ’  the  better.  However,  ’tis  all 
one;  we  are  all  Gentlemen  at  the  Stag  o’  Tyne.  Even  thou  art  a 
Gentleman,  little  Ragamuff .  ’  ’ 

“  I  am  a  Gentleman  of  long  descent;  and  my  fathers  have  fought 
and  bled  for  the  True  King;  and  Norman  blood’s  better  than  Ger¬ 
man  puddle-mud,”  I  replied,  repeating  well-nigh  Mechanically 
that  which  my  dear  Kinswoman  had  said  to  me  and  Instilled  into 
me  many  and  many  a  time.  In  my  degraded  Slavery,  I  had  well- 
nigh  forgotten  the  proud  old  words;  but  only  once  it  chanced  that 
they  had  risen  up  unbidden,  when  I  was  flouted  and  jeered  at  as 
Little  Boy  Jack  by  my  school-mates.  Heaven  help  us,  how  villain¬ 
ously  cruel  are  children  to  those  who  are  of  their  own  age  and  Poor 
and  Friendless!  What  is  it  that  makes  young  hearts  so  Hard?  The 
boys  Derided  and  mocked  me  more  than  ever  for  thal  I  said  I  was 
a  Gentleman;  and  by  and  by  comes  Gnawbit,  and  beats  me  black 
and  blue — ay  and  gory  too — with  a  furze-tub,  for  telling  of  Lies,  as 
he  falsely  said,  the  Ruffian. 

“Well,”  resumed  Captain  Night,  “thou  shalt  stay  with  us, 
young  Gentleman.  But  weigh  it  soberly,  boy,”  he  continued. 
“  Thou  art  old  enough  to  know  black  from  white,  and  brass  from 
gold.  Be  advised;  know  what  we  Blacks  are.  We  are  only  Thieves 
that  go  about  stealing  the  King’s  Deer  in  Charlwood  Chase.” 

I  told  him  that  I  would  abide  by  him  and  his  Company;  and 
with  a  grim  smile  he  clapped  me  on  the  shoulder,  and  told  me  that 
now  indeed  I  was  a  Gentleman  Black,  and  Forest  Free. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


87 


CHAPTER  THE  EIGHTH. 

THE  END  OF  MY  ADVENTURES  AMONG  THE  BLACKS. 

Were  I  to  give  vent  to  that  Garrulity  which  grows  upon  us 
Veterans  with  Gout  and  the  Gravel,  and  the  kindred  Ailments  of 
Age,  this  Account  of  my  Life  would  never  reach  beyond  the  record 
of  Boyhood.  For  from  the  first  Flower  of  my  freshest  childhood 
to  the  time  that  I  became  toward  to  the  more  serious  Business  of 
this  World,  I  think  I  could  set  down  Day  by  Day,  and  well-nigh 
Hour  by  Hour,  all  the  things  that  have  occurred  to  me.  How  is  it 
that  I  preserve  so  keen  a  Remembrance  of  a  little  lad’s  joys  and 
sorrows,  when  I  can  scarcely  recall  how  many  times  I  have  suffered 
Shipwreck  in  later  age,  or  tell  how  many  Sansfoy  Miscreants,  car¬ 
ing  neither  for  Heaven  nor  man  a  Point,  I  have  slain?  Nay,  from 
what  cause  does  it  proceed  that  I,  upon  whom  the  broken  reliques  of 
my  School-master’s  former  Cruelty  are  yet  Green,  and  who  can  con¬ 
jure  up  all  the  events  that  bore  upon  Running  away  into  Cliarlwood 
Chase,  even  to  the  doggish  names  of  the  Blacks,  their  ribald  talk, 
and  the  fleering  -of  the  Women  they  had  about  them,  find  it  sore 
travail  to  remember  what  I  had  for  dinner  yesterday,  what  friends 
I  conversed  with,  what  Tavern  I  supped  at,  what  news  I  read  in 
the  “  Gazette”?  But  ’tis  the  knowledge  of  that  overweening  Craving 
to  count  up  the  trivial  Things  of  my  Youth  that  warns  me  to  use 
dispatch,  even  if  the  chronicle  of  my  after-doings  be  but  a  short 
summary  or  sketch  of  so  many  Perils  by  Land  and  Sea.  And  for 
this  manner  of  the  remotest  things  being  the  more  distinct  and  di¬ 
lated  upon,  let  me  put  it  to  a  Man  of  keen  vision,  if  whirling  along 
a  High  Road  in  a  rapid  carriage,  he  has  not  marked,  first,  that  the 
Palings  and  Milestones  close  by  have  passed  beneath  him  in  a  con¬ 
fused  and  jarring  swiftness;  next,  that  the  Trees,  Hedges,  etc.,  of 
the  middle  plan  (as  the  limners  call  it)  have  moved  slower  and  with 
more  Deliberation,  yet  somewhat  Fitfully,  and  encroaching  on  each 
other’s  outlines;  whereas  the  extreme  distance  in  Clouds,  Mount¬ 
ains,  far-off  Hill-sides,  and  the  like,  have  seemed  remote,  indeed, 
but  stationary,  clear,  and  unchangeable;  so  that  you  could  count 
the  fissures  in  the  hoar  rocks,  and  the  very  sheep  still  feeding  on 
the  smooth  slopes,  even  as  they  fed  fifty  years  ago?  And  who  (let 
his  later  life  have  been  ever  so  fortunate)  does  not  preferably  dwell 
on  that  sharp  prospect  so  clearly  yet  so  light-looming  through  the 
Long  Avenue  of  years? 


88 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


It  was  not,  I  will  frankly  admit,  a  very  righteous  beginning  to  a 
young  life  to  be  hail-fellow  well-met  with  a  Gang  of  Deer-stealers, 
and  to  go  careering  about  the  King’s  Forest  in  quest  of  Venison 
which  belonged  to  the  Crown.  Often  have  I  felt  remorseful  for  so 
having  wronged  his  Majesty  (whom  Heaven  preserve  for  the  safety 
of  these  distraught  kingdoms!);  but  what  was  I,  an  it  please  you, 
to  do?  Little  Boy  Jack  was  just  Little  Boy  Beggar;  and  for  want 
of  proper  Training  he  became  Little  Boy  Thief.  Hot  that  I  ever 
pilfered  aught.  I  was  no  Candle-snutfer  filcher,  and,  save  in  the 
matter  of  Fat  Bucks,  the  rest  of  our  Gang  were,  indeed,  passing 
honest.  Part  of  the  Venison  we  killed  (mostly  with  a  larger  kind 
of  Bird-Bolt,  or  Arbalest  Cross-bow,  for  through  fear  of  the  keep¬ 
ers  we  used  as  little  powder  and  ball  as  possible)  we  eat  for  our 
Sustenance;  for  rogues  must  eat  and  drink  as  well  as  other  folks. 
The  greater  portion,  however,  was  discreetly  conveyed,  in  carts 
covered  over  with  garden-stuff,  to  the  market-towns  of  Uxbridge, 
Windsor,  and  Beading,  and  sold,  under  the  coat-tail  as  we  called 
it,  to  Higglers  who  were  in  our  secret.  Sometimes  our  Merchandise 
was  taken  right  into  London,  where  we  found  a  good  Market  with 
the  Fishmongers  dwelling  about  Lincoln’s  Inn,  and  who  as  they  did 
considerable  traffic  with  the  Nobility  and  Gentry,  of  whom  they 
took  Park  Venison,  giving  them  Fish  in  exchange,  were  not  likely 
to  be  suspected  of  unlawful  dealings,  or  at  least  were  able  to  make 
a  colorable  pretext  of  Honest  Trade  to  such  Constables  and  Market 
Conners  who  had  a  right  to  question  them  about  their  barterings. 
From  the  Fishmongers  we  took  sometimes  money  and  sometimes 
rich  apparel — the  cast-off  clothes,  indeed,  of  the  Nobility,  birthday 
suits  or  t  he  like,  which  were  not  good  enough  for  the  Players  of 
Drury  Lane  and  Lincoln’s  Inn,  forsooth,  to  strut  about  in  on  their 
tragedy  boards,  and  which  they  had  therefore  bestowed  upon  their 
domestics  to  sell.  For  our  Blacks  loved  to  quit  their  bewrayed  ap¬ 
parel  at  supper- time,  and  to  dress  themselves  as  bravely  as  when  I 
first  tasted  their  ill-gotten  meat  at  the  Stag  o’  Tyne.  From  the 
Higglers,  too,  we  would  as  willingly  take  Wine,  Strong  Waters, 
and  Tobacco,  in  exchange  for  our  fat  and  lean,  as  money;  for  the 
Currency  of  the  Kealm  was  then  most  wofully  clipped  and  defaced, 
and  our  brethren  had  a  wholesome  avoidance  of  meddling  with  Bank 
Bills.  When,  from  time  to  time,  one  of  us  ventured  to  a  Market- 
town,  well  made-up  as  a  decent  Yeoman  or  Merchant’s  Rider,  ’twas 
always  payment  on  the  Nail  and  in  sounding  money  for  the  reckon¬ 
ing.  We  ran  no  scores,  and  paid  in  no  paper. 

It  was  Jong  ere  I  found  out  that  the  Wagon  in  which  I  had  trav- 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


80 


eled  from  the  Hercules’  Pillars,  to  be  delivered  over  to  Gnaw  bit, 
was  conducted  by  one  of  the  most  trusted  Confederates  of  our  Com¬ 
pany;  that  he  took  Venison  to  town  for  them,  and  brought  them 
back  the  Account  in  specie  or  needments  as  they  required.  And 
although  I  am  loath  to  think  that  the  pretty  Servant  Maid  was  alto¬ 
gether  deceiving  me  when  she  told  me  she  was  going  to  see  her 
Grandmother,  I  fancy  that  she  knew  Charlwood  Chase,  and  the 
gentry  that  inhabited  it,  as  well  as  she  knew  the  Pewterer  in  Panyer 
Alley.  He  went  a-pewtering  no  more,  if  ever  he  had  been  ’prentice 
or  done  journey-work  for  that  trade,  but  was  neither  more  nor  less 
than  one  of  the  Blacks,  and  Mistress  Slyboots,  his  Flame,  kept  him 
company.  Although  I  hope,  I  am  sure,  that  they  were  Married  by 
the  Chaplain;  for,  rough  as  I  am,  I  had  ever  a  Hatred  of  Unlawful 
Passions,  and  when  I  am  summoned  on  a  Jury,  always  listen  to  the 
King’s  Proclamation  against  Vice  and  Immorality  with  much  gusto 
and  savor. 

I  stayed  with  the  Blacks  in  Charlwood  Chase  until  I  grew  to  be 
a  sturdy  lad  of  twelve  years  of  age.  I  went  out  with  them  and  fol¬ 
lowed  their  naughty  courses,  and  have  stricken  down  many  a  fat 
Buck  in  my  time.  Ours  was  the  most  jovial  but  the  most  perilous 
of  lives.  The  Keepers  were  always  on  our  track;  and  sometimes 
the  Sheriff  would  call  out  the  Posse  Comitatus,  and  he  and  half  the 
beef-fed  tenant-farmers  of  the  country  side  would  come  horsing 
and  hoofing  it  about  the  glades  to  catch  us.  For  weeks  together 
in  each  year  we  dared  not  keep  our  rendezvous  at  the  Stag,  but 
were  fain  to  hide  in  Brakes  and  Hollow  Trees,  listening  to  the  pur¬ 
suit  as  it  grew  hot  and  heavy  around  us;  and  often  with  no  better 
Victuals  than  Pig’s-meat  and  Ditch-water.  But  then  the  search 
would  begin  to  lag;  and  two  or  three  of  the  great  Squires  round 
about  being  well  terrified  by  letters  written  in  a  liquid  designed  to 
counterfeit  Blood,  with  a  great  Skull  and  Cross-bones  scrawled  at 
the  bottom,  the  whole  signed  “  Captain  Night,”  and  telling  them 
that  if  they  dared  to  meddle  with  the  Blacks  their  Lives  should  pay 
for  it,  we  were  left  quiet  for  a  season,  and  could  return  to  our  Haunt, 
there  to  feast  and  carouse  according  to  custom.  Nor  am  1  slowr  to 
believe  that  some  of  the  tolerance  we  met  with  was  due  to  our  being 
known  1o  the  County  Gentry  as  stanch  Tories,  and  as  stanch  de¬ 
testers  of  the  House  of  Hanover  (I  speak,  of  course,  of  my  com¬ 
panions,  for  I  was  of  years  too  tender  to  have  any  politics).  We 
never  killed  a  Deer  but  on  the  nearest  tree  some  one  of  us  out  with 
his  jack-knife  and  carved  on  the  bark  of  it,  “  Slain  by  King  James’s 
order;”  or,  if  there  were  no  time  for  so  long  a  legend,  or  the  Beast 


90 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


was  stricken  in  the  Open,  a  simple  K.  J.  (which  the  Hanover  Rats 
understood  well  enough,  whether  cut  in  the  trunk  or  the  turf) 
sufficed.  The  Country  Gentlemen  were  then  of  a  very  furious  way 
of  thinking  concerning  the  Rights  of  the  present  Illustrious  House 
to  the  Throne;  hut  Times  do  alter,  and  so  likewise  do  Men’s  thoughts 
and  Opinions,  and  I  dare  swear  there  is  no  Brunswicker  or  Church  - 
of -England  man  more  leal  at  this  present  writing  than  John  Dan¬ 
gerous. 

Captain  Night,  to  whom  I  was  a  kind  of  Page  or  Henchman,  used 
me  with  much  tenderness.  Whenever  at  supper  the  tongues  grew 
too  loosened,  and  wild  talk,  and  of  the  wickedest,  began  to  jingle 
among  the  bottles  and  glasses,  he  would  bid  me  withdraw,  and  go 
keep  company  for  a  time  with  Mistress  Slyboots.  Captain  Night 
was  a  man  of  parts  and  even  of  letters;  and  I  often  wondered  why 
he,  who  seemed  so  well  fitted  to  Shine  even  among  the  Great, 
should  pass  his  time  among  Rogues,  and  take  the  thing  that  was 
not  his.  He  was  often  absent  from  us  for  many  days,  sometimes 
for  nigh  a  month;  and  would  return  sunburned  and  travel-stained, 
as  though  he  had  been  journeying  in  Foreign  Parts.  He  was  al¬ 
ways  very  thoughtful  and  reserved  after  these  Gaddiogs  about;  and 
Mistress  Slyboots,  the  Maid,  used  to  say  that  he  was  in  Love,  and 
had  been  playing  the  gallant  to  some  fine  Madame.  But  I  thought 
otherwise;  for  at  this  season  it  was  his  custom  to  bring  back  a  Yalise 
full  to  the  very  brim  of  letters  and  papers,  the  which  he  would  take 
Days  to  read  and  reread,  noting  and  seemingly  copying  'some,  but 
burning  the  greater  portion.  At  this  season  he  would  refrain 
from  joining  the  Gang,  and  honorably  forswore  his  share  of  their 
plunder,  always  giving  Mother  Drum  a  broal  piece  for  each  night’s 
Supper,  Bottle,  and  Bed.  But  when  his  pressing  business  was 
over,  no  man  was  keener  in  the  chase,  or  brought  down  the  quarry 
so  skillfully  as  Captain  Night.  He  loved  to  have  me  with  him,  to 
talk  to  and  Question  me;  and  it  was  one  clay,  after  I  had  told  him 
that  the  Initial  let  ter  D  was  the  only  clue  to  my  Grandmother’s 
name,  which  I  had  seen  graven  on  her  Coffin-plate,  he  must  needs 

tell  me  that  if  she  were  Madame  (or  rather  the  Lady)  D - ,  I  must 

needs,  as  a  Kinsman,  be  D - too,  and  that  he  would  piece  out  the 

name,  and  call  me  Dangerous.  So  that  I  was  Little  Boy  Jack  no 
more,  and  John  Dangerous  I  have  been  from  that  day  to  this.  Not 
but  what  my  Ancestry  and  Belongings  might  warrant  me  in  as¬ 
suming  another  title,  than  which — so  far  as  lineage  counts — Bour¬ 
bon  or  Nassau  could  not  rank  much  higher.  But  the  name  of 
Dangerous  has  pleased  me  alway;  it  has  stood  me  instead  in  many 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


91 


a  hard  pass,  and  I  am  content  to  abide  by  it  now  that  my  locks  are 
gray,  and  the  walls  of  this  my  battered  old  tenement  are  crumbling 
into  decay. 

’Twas  I  alone  that  was  privileged  to  stay  with  Captain  Night 
when  he  was  doing  Secretary’s  work  among  his  papers;  for,  save 
when  Mistress  Slyboots  came  up  to  him — discreetly  tapping  at  the 
door  first,  you  may  be  sure — with  a  cup  of  ale  and  a  toast,  he  would 
abide  no  other  company.  And  on  such  days  I  wore  not  my  Black 
Disguisement,  but  1  he  better  clothes  he  had  provided  for  me — a  lit¬ 
tle  Riding  Suit  of  red  drugget,  silver-laced,  and  a  cock  to  my  hat 
like  a  Military  Officer — and  felt  myself  as  grand  as  you  please.  I 
never  dared  speak  to  him  until  he  spoke  to  me;  but  used  to  sit 
quietly  enough  sharpening  bolls  or  twisting  bowstrings,  or  clean¬ 
ing  his  Pistols,  or  furbishing  up  his  Hanger  and  Belt,  or  such- like 
boyish  pastime-labor.  He  was  careful  to  burn  every  paper  that  he 
Discarded  after  taking  it  from  the  Yalise;  but  once,  and  once  only, 
a  scrap  remained  unconsumed  on  the  hearth,  the  which,  with  my 
ape-like  curiosity  of  half  a  score  summers,  I  must  needs  spell  over, 
although  I  got  small  good  therefrom.  ’Twas  but  the  top  of  a  let¬ 
ter,  and  all  the  writing  I  could  make  out  ran, 

“  St.  Germains,  August  12th. 

“My  dear—’’ 

and  here  it  broke  off,  and  baffled  me. 

Whenever  Captain  Night  went  a-hunting,  I  attended  upon  him; 
but  when  he  was  away,  I  was  confided  to  the  care  of  Jowler, 
who,  albeit  much  given  to  brabble  in  his  liquor,  was  about  the 
most  discreet  (the  Chaplain  always  excepted)  among  the  Gang. 
In  the  dead  season,  when  Yenison  was  not  to  be  had,  or  was  nothing 
worth  for  the  Market  if  it  had  been  killed,  we  lived  mostly  on 
dried  meats  and  cured  salmon;  the  first  prepared  by  Mother  Drum 
and  her  maid,  the  last  furnished  us  by  our  good  friends  and 
Chapmen  the  Fishmongers  about  Lincoln’s  Inn.  And  during 
this  same  Dead  Season,  I  am  glad  to  say  that  my  Master  did  not 
suffer  me  to  remain  idle;  but,  besides  taking  some  pains  in  tutoring 
me  himself,  moved  our  Chaplain,  all  of  whose  humane  letters  had 
not  been  washed  out  by  burned  Brandy  or  fumed  out  by  Tobacco 
(to  the  use  of  which  he  was  immoderately  given),  to  put  me  through 
a  course  of  daily  instruction.  I  had  had  some  Latin  beaten  into 
me  by  Gnawbit,  when  he  had  nothing  of  more  moment  to  bestir 
himself  about,  and  had  attained  a  decent  proficiency  in  reading 
and  writing.  Tinder  the  Chaplain  of  the  Blanks,  who  swore  at 


92 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


me  grievously,  but  never,  under  the  direst  forbidding,  laid  finger 
on  me,  I  became  a  current  scholar  enough  of  my  own  tongue, 
with  just  such  a  little  smattering  of  the  Latin  as  helped  me  at  a 
pinch  in  some  of  the  Secret  Dealings  of  my  late  career.  But  Salt 
Water  has  done  its  work  upon  my  Lilly’s  Grammar;  and  although 
I  yield  to  no  man  in  the  Faculty  of  saying  what  I  mean,  ay,  and  of 
writing  it  down  in  good  plain  English  (’tis  true  that  of  your  nomi¬ 
natives  and  genitives  and  stuff,  I  know  nothing),  I  question  if  I 
could  tell  you  the  Latin  for  a  pair  of  riding-boots. 

There  was  a  paltry  parcel  of  books  at  the  Stag  o’  Tyne,  and  these  I 
read  over  and  over  again  at  my  leisure.  There  was  a  ‘ '  History  of  the 
Persecutions  undergone  by  the  Quakers,”  and  Bishop  Sprat’s  “  Nar¬ 
rative  of  the  Conspiracy  of  Blackhead  and  the  others  against  him.” 
There  was  ‘  ‘  Foxe’s  Martyrs,  ’  ’  and  ‘ ‘  God’s  Revenge  against  Murder” 
(a  very  grim  tome),  and  Mr  Daniel  Defoe’s  “  Life  of  Moll  Flanders 
and  Colonel  Jack.”  These,  with  two  or  three  Plav-Books,  and 
a  Novel  by  Mrs.  Aphra  Behn  (very  scurrilous),  a  few  Ballads,  and 
some  ridiculous  Chap-books  about  Knights  and  Fairies  and  Dragons, 
made  up  the  tattered  and  torn  library  of  our  house  in  Charlwood 
Chase.  ’Twas  good  enough,  you  may  say,  for  a  nest  of  Deer-steal¬ 
ers.  Well,  there  might  have  been  a  worse  one;  but  these  I  can 
aver,  with  English  and  Foreign  newspapers  and  letters,  and  my 
Bible  in  later  life,  have  been  all  the  reading  that  John  Dangerous 
can  boast  of.  Which  makes  me  so  mad  against  your  fine  Scholars 
and  Scribblers,  who,  because  they  can  turn  verse  and  make 
Te-to-tum  into  Greek,  must  needs  sneer  at  me  at  the  Coffee-House, 
and  make  a  butt  of  an  honest  man  who  has  been  from  one  end  of 
the  world  tu  the  other,  and  has  fought  his  way  through  it  to  Fort¬ 
une  and  Honor. 

I  was  in  the  twelfth  year  of  my  age  when  a  great  change  overtook 
me  in  my  career.  Moved,  as  it  would  seem,  to  exceeding  Anger  and 
implacable  Disgust  by  the  carryings-on  of  Captain  Night  and 
his  merry  men  in  Charlwood  Chase,  the  King’s  Ministers  put  forth 
a  Proclamation  against  us,  promising  heavy  Blood  Money  to  any 
one  who  would  deliver  us,  or  any  one  member  of  the  Gang,  into 
the  hands  of  Authority.  This  Proclamation  came  at  first  to  little 
There  was  no  sending  a  troop  of  horse  into  the  Chase,  and  the 
husbandmen  of  the  country-side  were  too  good  Friends  of  ours  to 
play  the  Judas.  We  were  not  Highway  Robbers.  Not  one  of  our 
band  had  ever  taken  to  or  been  taken  from  the  Road.  Rascals 
of  the  Cartouche  and  Macheatli  kidney  we  Disdained.  We  were 
neither  Footpads  nor  Cutpurses,  nay,  nor  Smugglers  nor  Rick 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


93 


burners.  We  were  only  Unfortunate  Gentlemen,  who  much  did 
need,  and  who  had  suffered  much  for  our  politics  and  our  religion, 
and  had  no  other  means  of  earning  a  livelihood  than  by  killing  the 
King’s  Deer.  Those  peasants  whom  we  came  across  Feared  us, 
indeed,  as  they  would  the  very  Fiend,  but  bore  us  no  malice;  for 
we  alwaj^s  treated  them  with  civility,  and  not  rarely  gave  them 
the  ’Umbles  and  other  inferior  parts  of  the  Deer,  against  their  poor 
Christenings  and  Lyings-in.  And  through  these  means,  and  some 
small  money  presents  our  Captain  would  make  to  their  wives  and 
callow  brats,  it  came  to  pass  that  Mother  Drum  had  seldom  cause 
to  brew  aught  but  the  smallest  beer  for  morning  drinking;  for 
though  we  had  to  pay  for  our  Wine  and  Ardent  Drinks,  the  cellar 
of  the  Stag  o’  Tyne  was  always  handsomely  furnished  with  barrels 
of  strong  ale,  which  Lobbin  Clout  or  Colin  Mayfly,  the  Hind  or  the 
Plow  churl,  would  bring  us  secretly  by  night  in  their  Wains  for 
gratitude. 

I  know  not  where  they  got  the  Malt  from,  but  there  was  narrow 
a  fault  to  find  with  the  Brew.  I  recollect  its  savor  now  with  a 
sweet  tooth,  condemned  as  I  am  to  the  inky  Hog’s-wash  which 
the  Londoners  call  Porter;  and  indeed  it  is  fit  for  Porters  to  drink, 
but  not  for  Gentlemen.  These  Peasants  used  to  tremble  all  over 
with  terror  when  they  came  to  the  Stag  o’  Tyne;  but  they 
were  always  hospitably  made  welcome,  and  sent  away  with  full 
gizzards,  ay,  and  with  full  heads  too,  and  by  potions  to  which 
the  louts  were  but  little  used. 

We  had  no  fear  of  treachery  from  these  Chawbacons,  but  we 
had  enemies  in  the  Chase  nevertheless.  Here  dwelt  a  vagabond  tribe 
of  Bastard  Venders  and  Charcoal-burners,  savage,  ignorant,  brutish 
Wretches,  as  superstitious  as  the  Manilla  Creoles.  They  were  one 
half  gypsies,  and  one  half,  or  perhaps  a  quarter,  trade-fallen  whip- 
pers-in  and  keepers  that  had  been  stripped  of  their  livery.  They 
picked  up  their  sorry  crust  by  burning  of  charcoal,  and  carting 
of  dead  wood  to  farmers  for  to  consume  in  their  ingles.  How  and 
again,  when  any  of  the  Quality  came  to  hunt  in  the  Chase,  the 
Head  Keeper  would  make  use  of  a  score  or  so  of  them  as  beaters 
and  rabble-pickers  of  the  game;  but  nine  months  out  of  the  twelve 
they  rather  starved  than  lived.  These  Charcoal-  burners  hated  us 
Blacks,  first,  because  in  our  sable  disguise  we  rather  imitated  their 
own  Beastly  appearance — for  the  varlets  never  washed  from  Can¬ 
dlemas  to  Shrovetide;  next,  because  we  were  Gentlemen;  and  lastly, 
because  we  would  not  suffer  them  to  catch  Deer  for  themselves  in 
pit-falls  and  springs.  Nay,  a  True  Gentleman  Black  meeting  a 


94 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS* 


“  Coaley,”  as  we  called  the  Charcoal  fellows,  with  so  much  as  a 
hare,  a  rabbit,  or  a  pheasant  with  him,  let  alone  venison,  would 
ofttimes  give  him  a  sackful  of  sore  bones  to  carry  as  well  as  a  game- 
bag.  No  “  Coaley  ”  was  ever  let  to  slake  his  thirst  at  the  Stag  o’ 
Tyne.  The  poor  wretches  had  a  miserable  hovel  of  an  inn  to  their 
own  part  on  the  western  outskirts  of  the  Chase,  a  pla:e  b}^  the 
sign  of  the  Hand  and  Hatchet,  where  they  ate  their  rye-bread  and 
drank  their  sour  Clink,  when  they  could  muster  coppers  enough 
for  a  two-penny  carouse. 

This  Proclamation,  of  which  at  first  we  made  light,  was  speedily 
followed  by  a  real  live  Act  of  Parliament,  which  is  yet,  I  have 
been  told,  Law,  and  is  known  as  the  “  Black  Act.”*  The  most 
dreadful  punishments  were  denounced  against  us  by  the  House  of 
Lords  and  Commons,  and  the  Blood  Money  was  doubled.  One  of 
the  most  noted  Tliief-takers  of  that  day — almost  as  great  a  one  as 
Jonathan  Wild — comes  down  post,  and  sets  up  his  Standard  at 
Reading,  as  though  he  had  been  King  William  on  the  banks  of 
the  Boyne.  With  him  he  brings  a  mangy  Rout  of  Constables  and 
Bailiff’s  Followers,  and  other  kennel-ranging  vagabonds;  and  now 
nothing  must  serve  him  but  to  beg  of  the  Commanding  Officer  at 
Windsor  (my  Lord  Trehernc)  for  a  loan  of  two  companies  of  the 
Foot  Guards,  who,  nothing  loath  for  field- sport  and  extra  pay, 
were  placed,  with  their  captain  and  all — more  shame  for  a  Gentle¬ 
man  to  mix  in  such  Hangman’s  work! — under  Mr.  Thief-taker’s 
orders.  He  and  his  Bandogs,  ay,  and  his  Grenadiers,  might  have 
hunted  us  through  Charlwood  Chase  until  Doomsday  but  for  the 
treachery  of  the  “  Coaleys.”  ’Twas  one  of  their  number — named, 
or  rather  nicknamed,  “the  Beau,”  because  he  washed  his  face  on 
Sunday,  and  was  therefore  held  to  be  of  the  first  fashion — who 
earned  eighty  pounds  by  revealing  the  hour  when  the  whole  Gang 
of  Blacks  might  be  pounced  upon  at  the  Stag  o’  Tyne.  The  infa¬ 
mous  wretch  goes  to  Aylesbury — for  our  part  of  the  Chase  wras  in 
the  County  of  Bucks — and  my  Thief-taking  gentleman  from  Read¬ 
ing  meets  him — a  pretty  couple;  and  he  makes  oath  before  Mr. 
Justice  Cribfee  (who  should  have  set  him  in  the  Stocks,  or  deliv¬ 
ered  him  over  to  the  Beadle  for  a  vagrant);  and  after  a  fine  to-do  of 
Sheriff’s  business  and  swearing-in  of  special  constables,  the  end  of 
it  was,  that  a  whole  Rout  of  them,  Sheriff,  Javelin-men,  and  Head- 

*  See  the  Statutes  at  Large.  The  Black  Act  was  repealed  mainly  through 
the  exertions  of  Sir  James  Macintosh,  early  in  the  present  century.  Under  its 
clauses  the  going  about  “  disguised  or  blackened  in  pursuit  of  game  ”  was 
made  felony  without  benefit  of  clergy;  the  punishment  thereof,  death.— Ep, 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


95 


boroughs  and  all,  with  the  Grenadiers  at  their  back,  came  upon 
us  unawares  one  moonlight  night  as  we  were  merrily  supping  at 
the  Stag. 

’Twas  no  use  showing  Fight  perhaps,  for  we  were  undermanned, 
some  of  us  being  away  on  the  scent,  for  we  suspected  some  foul 
play.  The  constables  and  other  clodhopping  Alguazils  were  all 
armed  to  the  teeth  with  Bills  and  Blunderbusses,  Pistols  and  Hang¬ 
ers;  but  had  they  worn  all  the  weapons  in  the  Horse  Armory  in 
the  Tower,  it  would  not  have  saved  them  from  shivering  in  their 
shoes  when  '  ‘  Hard  and  Sharp  ’  ’  was  the  word,  and  an  encounter 
with  the  terrible  Blacks  had  to  be  endured.  We  should  have  made 
mince-meat  of  them  all,  and  perhaps  hanged  up  one  or  two  of  them 
outside  the  inn  as  an  extra  signpost.  But  we  were  not  only  un¬ 
armed,  we  were  overmatched,  my  hearties.  There  were  the  Red¬ 
coats,  burn  them!  How  many  times  in  my  life  have  I  been  foiled 
and  baffled  by  those  miscreant  men-machines  in  scarlet  blank¬ 
eting!  No  use  in  a  stout  Heart,  no  use  in  a  strong  Hand,  no  use 
in  a  sharp  Sword,  or  a  pair  of  barkers  with  teeth  that  never  fail, 
when  you  have  to  do  with  a  Soldier.  Do!  What  are  you  to  do 
with  him?  There  he  is,  with  his  shaven  face  and  his  hair  pow¬ 
dered,  as  if  he  were  going  to  a  fourpenny  fandango  at  Bagnigge  Wells. 
There  he  is,  as  obstinate  as  a  Pig,  and  as  firm  as  a  Rock,  with  his 
confounded  bright  firelock,  bayonet,  and  crossbelts.  There  he  is, im¬ 
movable  and  unconquerable,  defying  the  boldest  of  Smugglers,  the 
bravest  of  Gentlemen  Rovers,  and,  by  the  Lord  Harry,  he  eats  you 
up.  Always  give  the  Redcoats  a  wide  berth,  my  dear,  and  the 
Grenadiers  more  than  all. 

Unequal  as  were  the  odds,  with  all  these  Roaring  Dragoons,  in 
scarlet  baize,  on  our  trail,  we  had  still  a  most  desperate  fight  for  it. 
While  the  mob  of  Constables  kept  cowering  in  the  bar-room  down¬ 
stairs,  crying  out  to  us  to  surrender  in  the  King’s  name — I  believe 
that  one  poor  creature,  the  Justice  of  the  Peace,  after  getting  him¬ 
self  well  walled  up  in  a  corner  with  chairs  and  tables,  began  to 
quaver  out  the  King’s  Proclamation  against  the  Blacks  —  the 
plaguy  Soldiers  came  blundering  up  both  pair  of  stairs,  and  fell 
upon  us  Billy  Boys  tooth  and  nail.  ’Slid!  my  blood  simmers 
when  I  think  of  it.  Over  went  the  tables  and  settles!  Smash  went 
trenchers  ana  cups  and  glasses!  Clink-a-clink  went  sword-blades 
and  bayonets!  “And  don’t  fire,  my  lads!”  cries  out  the  Soldier- 
officer  to  his  Grannies.  “We  want  all  these  rogues  to  hang  up  at 
Aylesbury  Jail.” 

“  Rogue  yourself,  and  back  to  your  Mother!”  cries  Captain  Night, 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


96 

very  pale;  but  I  never  saw  him  look  Bolder  or  Handsomer.  “  Rogue 
in  your  Tripes,  you  Hanover  Rat!”  and  he  shortens  his  sword 
and  rushes  on  the  Soldier-officer. 

The  Grenadier  Captain  was  brave  enough,  but  he  was  but  a 
smock-faced  lad  fresh  from  the  Mall  and  St.  James’s  Guard-room, 
and  he  had  no  chance  against  a  steady  practiced  Swordsman  and 
Forest  Blood,  as  Captain  Night  was.  We  all  thought  he  would 
make  short  work  of  the  Soldier-officer.  He  had  him  in  a  corner, 
and  the  Chaplain,  a-top  of  whom  was  a  Grenadier  trying  to  throttle 
or  capture  him,  or  both,  exclaims,  “  Give  him  the  grace-blow,  my 
dear;  give  it  him  under  the  fifth  rib!”  when  Captain  Night  cries, 
“  Go  home  to  your  mother,  Milksop!”  and  he  catches  his  sword  by 
the  hilt,  hits  his  enemy  a  blow  on  the  right  wrist  enough  to  numb 
it  for  a  month,  twists  his  fingers  in  his  cravat,  flings  him  on  one 
side,  and  right  into  the  middle  of  a  punch-bowl,  and  then,  upon  my 
word,  he,  himself,  jumps  out  of  Window,  shouting  out,  “  Follow 
me,  little  Jack  Dangerous!” 

I  wished  for  nothing  better,  and  had  already  my  leg  on  the  sill, 
when  two  great  hulking  Grenadiers  seized  hold  of  me.  ’Twas  then, 
for  the  first  time,  that  I  earned  a  just  claim  and  title  to  the  name 
of  Dangerous;  for  a  little  dirk  I  was  armed  with  being  wrested 
from  me  by  Soldier  number  one,  who  eggs  on  his  comrade  to  collar 
the  young  Fox- cub,  as  he  calls  me,  I  seize  a  heavy  Stone  Demijohn 
full  of  brandy,  and  smash  it  goes  on  the  head  of  Soldier  number 
two.  He  falls  with  a  dismal  groan,  the  blood  and  brandy  running 
in  equal  measure  from  his  head,  and  the  first  Soldier  runs  his  bayonet 
through  me. 

Luckily,  ’twas  but  a  flesh-wound  in  the  flank,  and  no  vital  part 
was  touched.  It  was  enough  for  me,  however,  poor  Urchin — 
enough  to  make  me  tumble  down  in  a  dead  faint;  and  when  I  came 
to  myself,  I  found  that  I  had  been  removed  to  the  bar-room  down¬ 
stairs,  where  I  made  one  of  nineteen  Blacks,  all  prisoners  to  the 
King  for  stealing  his  Deer,  and  all  bound  hand  and  foot  with 
Ropes. 

“Never  mind  their  hurting  your  wrists,  young  Hempseed,” 
chuckled  one  of  the  scaldpated  constable  rogues  who  was  guarding 
us.  “  You’ll  have  enough  to  tighten  your  gullet  after  ’Sizes,  as 
sure  as  eggs  is  eggs.  ’  ’ 

“Nay,  brother  Grimstock,  the  elf’s  too  young  to  be  hanged,” 
puts  in  another  constable,  with  somewhat  of  a  charitable  visage. 

“  Too  young!”  echoed  he  addressed  as  Grimstock.  “  ’Twas  bred 
in  the  bone  of  him,  the  varmint,  and  the  Gallows  Fever  will  come 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


97 


out  in  the  flesh.  Too  young!  he  was  weaned  on  rue,  and  rode 
between  his  Father’s  legs  (that  swung)  i’  the  cart  to  Tyburn,  and 
never  sailed  a  cockboat  but  in  Execution  Dock.  My  tobacco-box 
to  a  tester  an’  he  dance  not  on  nothing  if  he  comes  to  holding  up 
his  hand  before  Judge  Blackcap,  that  never  spared  but  one  in  the 
Calendar,  and  then  ’twas  by  Mistake.” 

These  were  not  very  comfortable  news  for  me,  poor  manacled 
wretch;  and  with  a  great  bayonet-wound  in  my  side  to  boot,  that 
had  been  but  clumsily  dressed  by  a  village  Leech,  who  was,  I 
suspect,  a  Farrier  and  a  Cow  Doctor  as  well.  But  I  have  always 
found,  in  this  life’s  whirligig,  that  when  your  Case  is  at  the  worst 
(unless  a  Man  indeed  Dies,  when  there  is  nothing  more  to  be  done) 
it  is  pretty  sure  to  mend,  if  you  lie  quiet  and  let  things  take  their 
chance.  I  could  not  be  much  worse  off  than  I  was,  wounded  and 
friendless  and  a  captive;  and  so  I  held  my  tongue,  and  let  them 
use  me  as  they  would.  Some  scant  comfort  was  it,  however,  to 
find,  when  the  battle-field  was  gone  over,  that,  besides  the  Grenadier 
whose  crown  we  had  cracked,  another  had  been  pistoled  by  Jowler, 
and  lay  mortally  wounded  and  Groaning  Dismally.  Poor  Jowler 
himself  would  never  pistol  Foe  more.  He  was  dead;  for  the 
Men  of  War,  furious  at  our  desperate  Resistance,  at  the  worsting 
of  their  fine-feathered  officer  (who  was  mumbling  of  his  bruised 
hand  as  a  down-trodden  Hound  would  its  paw,  and  cursing  mean¬ 
while,  which  Dogs  use  not  to  do),  and  driven  to  Mad  Rage  by  the 
escape  of  Captain  Night,  had  fired  pell-mell  into  a  Group  of  which 
Jowler  made  one,  and  so  killed  him.  A  bullet  through  his  brain 
set  him  clean  quit  of  all  indictments  under  the  Black  Act,  before 
our  Sovereign  Lord  the  King.  Likewise  was  it  a  matter  of  re¬ 
joicing  for  our  party  that,  after  long  seeking  the  Traitor  Coaley, 
the  wretched  ‘  ‘  Beau  ’  ’  was  found  duly  strangled,  and  completely 
a  corpse  on  the  staircase.  There  was  something  curious  about  the 
manner  of  justice  coming  to  this  villain.  The  Deed  had  been  done 
with  no  weapon  more  Lethal  than  an  old  Stocking;  yet  so  tightly 
was  it  tied  round  his  false  neck,  that  it  had  to  be  cut  off  piecemeal, 
and  even  then  the  ribs  of  the  worsled  were  found  to  be  Imbedded, 
and  to  have  made  Furrows  in  his  flesh.  Now  it  is  certain  that  we 
Blacks  had  not  laid  about  us  with  old  Wives’  hose,  any  more  than 
we  had  lunged  at  our  enemies  with  knitting-needles.  There,  how¬ 
ever,  was  Monsieur  Judas,  as  dead  as  a  Dolphin  two  hours  on  deck. 
Lord,  what  an  ugly  countenance  had  the  losel  when  they  came  to 
■wash  the  charcoal  off  him!  As  to  who  had  forestalled  the  Hangman 
in  his  office,  no  certain  testimony  could  be  given.  I  have  always 


98 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


found  at  Sea,  when  any  doubts  arise  as  to  the  why  and  the  where¬ 
fore  of  a  gentleman’s  death,  that  the  best  way  to  settle  accounts  is 
to  fling  him  overboard;  but  on  dry  land  your  plaguy  Dead  Body  is 
a  sore  Stumbling  Block  and  Impediment,  always  turning  up  when 
it  is  not  Wanted,  and  bringing  other  Gentlemen  into  all  kinds  of 
trouble.  Crowner’s  Quest  was  held  on  the  “  Beau;”  and  I  only 
wonder  that  they  did  not  bring  it  in  murder  against  Me.  The  jury 
sat  a  long  time  without  making  up  their  minds,  till  the  Parish  con¬ 
stable  ordered  them  in  a  bowl  of  Flip,  upon  which  they  proceeded 
to  bring  in  a  verdict  of  Willful  Murder  against  some  person  or  per¬ 
sons  unknown.  I  can  scarcely,  to  this  day,  bring  myself  to  suspect 
my  pretty  maid,  that  should  have  married  the  Pewterer,  of  such  a 
bold  Act,  and  the  rather  believe  that  it  was  the  girl  Grip  and  her 
Mistress  that  worked  off  the  Spy  and  Traitor  between  them.  Not 
that  Mother  Drum  would  have  needed  any  assistance  in  the  mere 
doing  of  the  thing.  She  was  a  Mutton-fisted  woman,  and  as  strong 
in  the  forearm  as  a  Bridewell  eorrectioner. 

0,  the  dreary  journey  we  made  that  morning  to  Aylesbury! 
The  Men  Blacks  were  tied  back  to  back,  and  thrown  into  such  carts 
as  could  be  pressed  into  the  service  from  the  farmsteads  on  the  skirts 
of  the  Chase.  One  of  the  constables  must  needs  offer,  the  Scoundrel, 
to  take  horse  and  go  borrow  a  cartload  of  fetters  from  the  jailer  at 
Reading;  but  he  was  overruled,  and  Ropes  were  thought  strong 
enough  to  confine  us.  There  was  no  chance,  alas,  of  any  rescue; 
for  those  of  our  comrades  who  had  been  fortunate  enough  through 
absence  to  avoid  capture,  had  doubtless  by  this  time  scent  of  the 
Soldiers,  and  there  was  no  kicking  against  those  bright  Firelocks 
and  Bayonets.  Yet  had  there  been  another  escape.  Cicely  Grip 
and  Mother  Drum  were  taken,  but  the  pretty  maid  I  loved  so  for 
her  kindness  to  me  when  I  was  Forlorn  had  shown  a  clean  pair  of 
heels,  and  was  nowhere  to  be  found.  Good  luck  to  her,  I  thought. 
Perchance  she  has  met  with  Captain  Night,  and  they  are  Safe  and 
Sound  by  this  time,  and  off  to  Foreign  Parts.  For  in  all  this  I 
declare  I  saw  nothing  Wrong,  and  held,  by 'my  baby  logic,  that 
we  Blacks  had  all  been  very  harshly  entreated  by  the  Constables  and 
Redcoats,  and  that  it  was  a  shame  to  use  us  so.  Mother  Drum, 
the  Wench,  and  my  poor  wounded  Self,  were  put  into  one  cart 
together,  and  through  Humanity,  a  Sergeant*(for  the  Constables 
would  not  have  done  it)  bade  his  men  litter  down  some  straw  for 
us  to  lie  upon.  There  was  a  ragged  Tilt  too  over  the  cart;  and 
thinks  I,  in  a  Grewsome  manner,  “  The  first  time  you  rode  on  straw 
under  a  Tilt,  Jack,  you  were  going  to  school,  and  now,  ’ifegs,  you 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


99 


are  going  to  be  Hanged.  ”  For  it  was  settled  on  all  sides,  and  even 
he  with  the  Charitable  Countenance  came  to  be  of  that  mind  at  last, 
that  my  fate  was  to  die  by  the  Cord. 

“  Why,”  says  one,  “  you’ve  half  brained  Corporal  Foss  with  the 
Demijohn;  never  did  liquor  get  into  a  pretty  man’s  head  so  soon 
and  so  deep.  They’ll  stretch  your  neck  for  this,  my  poult— they 
will.” 

The  Sergeant,  interposing,  said  that  perhaps,  if  interest  were  made 
for  me,  I  might  be  spared  an  Indictment,  and  let  to  go  and  serve 
the  King  as  a  Drummer  till  I  was  old  enough  to  carry  a  firelock. 
But  at  this  the  soldiers  shook  their  heads;  for  Captain  Popinjay, 
their  officer,  was,  it  seems,  still  in  a  towering  rage  at  having  had 
his  fine-lady’s  hand  so  wofully  mauled  by  Captain  Night,  and  vowed 
vengeance  against  the  whole  crew  of  poachers  and  their  whelp,  as 
he  must  needs  be  Polite  enough  to  call  me. 

This  Fine  Gentleman  had  been  provided  with  a  Horse  by  the 
Sheriff,  and,  as  he  rode  by  the  cart  where  I  and  Drum  and  the  Girl 
were  jogging  on,  he  spies  me  under  the  Tilt,  and  in  his  cruel  man¬ 
ner  makes  a  cut  at  me  with  his  riding- wand,  calling  me  a  young 
spawn  of  Thievery  and  Rebellion. 

“  You  coward,”  I  cried  in  a  passion;  “  you  daren’t  do  that  if  my 
hands  were  loose,  and  I  hadn’t  this  baggonet-wound  in  me.” 

“  Shame  to  hit  the  boy,”  growled  the  charitable  Constable,  who 
was  on  horseback  too. 

The  Soklier-officer  turned  round  quickly  to  see  who  had  spoken; 
but  the  Sergeant,  who  watched  him,  pointed  with  his  halbert  to  the 
Constable,  and  he  returned  the  Captain’s  glance  with  a  sturdy  mien. 
So  my  Fine  Gentleman  reins-in  his  beast  and  lets  us  pass,  eying  his 
hand,  which  was  all  wrapped  up  in  Bandages,  and  muttering  that 
it  was  well  none  of  his  own  fellows  had  given  him  this  sauciness. 

The  day  was  a  dreadful  one.  How  many  times  our  train  halted 
to  bait  I  know  not;  but  this  I  know,  that  I  fainted  often  'from 
Agony  of  my  wound-and  the  uneasy  motion  of  my  carriage.  It  is 
a  wonder  that  I  ever  came  to  my  journey’s  end  alive,  and  in  all 
likelihood  never  should,  but  for  the  unceasing  care  and  solicitude 
of  the  two  poor  women  who  were  with  me,  Prisoners  like  myself, 
but  full  of  merciful  kindness  for  one  who  was  in  a  sorer  strait  than 
they.  By  earnest  pleading  did  Mother  Drum  persuade  the  Head 
Constable— who,  the  nearer  we  got  to  jail  the  more  authority  he 
took,  and  the  less  he  seemed  to  think  of  our  soldier  escort — to  allow 
her  hands  to  be  unbound  that  she  might  minister  unto  me;  and  also 
did  she  obtain  so  much  grace  as  for  some  of  the  Money  belonging 


100 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


unto  her,  and  which  had  been  seized  at  the  Stag  o’  Tyne,  to  be  spent 
in  buying  of  a  bottle  of  brandy  at  one  of  our  halting- places,  with 
which  she  not  only  comforted  herself  and  her  afflicted  Maid,  but, 
mingling  it  with  water,  cooled  my  parched  tongue  and  bathed  my 
forehead. 

Brandy  was  the  only  medicament  this  good  soul  knew;  and  more 
lives,  she  averred,  had  been  saved  by  Bight  Nantz  than  lost  by  bad 
B.  W. ;  but  still  brandy  was  not  precisely  the  kind  of  physic  to  give 
a  Patient  who  before  Sundown  was  in  a  Raging  Fever.  But  ’t was 
all  one  to  the  Law;  and  coming  at  last  to  my  journey’s  end,  we 
were  all,  the  wounded  and  the  whole,  flung  into  jail  to  answer  for 
it  at  the  ’Sizes. 


CHAPTER  THE  NINTH. 

I  AM  VERY  NEAR  BEING  HANGED. 

Our  prison  was  surely  the  most  loatlisome'hole  that  Human  be¬ 
ings  were  ever  immured  in.  It  was  a  Horrible  and  Shameful  Place, 
conspicuous  for  such  even  in  those  days,  when  every  prison  was  a 
place  of  Horror  and  Shame.  ’Twas  one  of  the  King’s  Prisons — 
one  of  His  Majesty’s  Jails — the  county  had  nothing  to  do  with  it; 
and  the  Keeper  thereof  was  a  Woman.  Say  a  Tigress  rather;  but 
Mrs.  Macpliilader  wore  a  hoop  and  lappets  and  gold  ear-rings,  and 
was  dubbed  “  Madame  ”  by  her  Underlings.  Here  you  might  at 
any  time  have  seen  poor  Wretches  chained  to  the  floor  of  reeking 
dungeons,  their  arms,  legs,  necks  even,  laden  with  irons,  them¬ 
selves  abused,  beaten,  jeered  at,  drenched  with  pailfuls  of  foul 
water,  and  more  than  three-quarter  starved,  merely  for  not  being 
able  to  pay  Garnish  to  the  Jaileress,  or  comply  with  her  other  exor¬ 
bitant  demands.  Fetters,  indeed,'  were  common  and  Fashionable 
Wear  in  the  Jail.  ’Twas  pleaded  that  the  walls  of  the  prison  were 
so  rotten  through  age,  and  the  means  of  guarding  the  prisoners — for 
they  could  not  be  always  calling  in  the  Grenadiers — so  limited,  that 
they  must  needs  put  the  poor  creatures  in  the  bilboes,  or  run  the 
chance  of  their  escaping  every  day  in  the  week.  Thus  it  came  to 
pass,  even,  that  they  were  tried  in  Fetters,  and  sometimes  could  not 
hold  up  their  hands  (weakened  besides  by  the  Jail  Distemper),  at 
the  bidding  of  the  Clerk  of  the  Arraigns,  for  the  weight  of  the 
Manacles  that  were  upon  them.  And  it  is  to  the  famous  and  ad¬ 
mirable  Mr.  John  Howard  that  we  owe  the  putting  down  of  this  last 
Abomination. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


101 


We  lay  so  long  in  tliis  dreadful  place  before  a  Jail  Delivery  was 
made,  that  my  wound,  bad  as  il  was,  had  ample  time  to  heal,  leav¬ 
ing  only  a  great  indented  cicatrix,  as  though  some  Giant  had  forced 
his  finger  into  my  flesh,  and  of  which  I  shall  never  be  rid.  Two 
more  of  our  Gang  died  of  the  Jail  Fever  before  Assize  time;  one 
was  so  fortunate  as  to  break  prison,  file  the  irons  off  his  legs,  and 
get  clear  away;  and  another  (who  was  always  of  a  Melancholy  turn) 
hanged  himself  one  morning,  in  a  halter  made  from  slips  of  his 
blanket  knotted  together.  The  rest  of  us  were  knocked  about  by 
the  Turnkeys,  or  abused  by  the  Jaileress,  Mrs.  Macphilader,  pretty 
much  as  they  liked.  We  were,  however,  not  so  badly  off  as  some 
of  the  poor  prisoners — sheep-stealers,  footpads,  vagrom  men  and 
women,  and  the  like,  or  even  as  some  of  the  poor  Debtors — many 
of  whom  lay  here  incarcerate  years  after  they  had  discharged  the 
Demands  of  their  Creditors  against  them,  and  only  because  they 
could  not  pay  their  Fees.-  We  Blacks  were  always  well  supplied 
with  money;  and  money  could  purchase  almost  anything  in  a  prison 
in  those  days.  Roast  meats,  and  wine  and  beer  and  punch,  pipes 
and  tobacco,  and  playing  cards  and  song- books — all  these  were  to 
be  had  by  Gentlemen  Prisoners;  the  Jaileress  taking  a  heav}^  toll, 
and  making  a  mighty  profit  from  all  these  luxurious  things.  But 
there  was  one  thing  that  money  could  not  buy,  namely,  cleanly 
lodging;  for  the  State  Room,  a  hole  of  a  place  very  meanly  fur¬ 
nished,  where  your  great  Smugglers  or  ruffling  Highwaymen  were 
sometimes  lodged,  at  a  guinea  a  day  for  their  accommodation,  was 
only  so  much  better  than  the  common  room  in  so  far  as  the  prisoner 
had  bed  and  board  to  himself;  but  for  nastiness  and  creeping  things 
— which  I  wonder,  so  numerous  were  they,  did  not  crawl  away 
with  the  wdiole  prison  bodily;  but  ’tis  hard  to  find  those  that  are 
unanimous,  even  Vermin.  For  all  that  made  the  Jail  most  thor¬ 
oughly  hateful  and  dreadful,  there  was  not  a  pin  to  choose  between 
the  State  Room,  the  Common  Side,  and  the  Rat’s  Larder,  Clink,  or 
Dark  Dungeon,  where  the  Poor  were  confined  in  wantonness,  and 
the  Stubborn  were  kept  sometimes  for  punishment;  for  Madame 
Jaileress  had  a  will  of  her  own,  and  would  brook  no  incivilities 
from  her  lodgers;  so  sure  is  it,  that  falling  out  one  day  on  the  dis¬ 
puted  question  of  a  bottle  of  Aquavitae  on  which  toll  had  not  been 
paid,  she  calls  one  of  the  Turnkeys  and  bids  him  clap  Mother  Drum 
into  the  Stocks  (that  stood  in  the  Prison  Yard)  for  an  hour  or  two, 
for  the  cooling  of  her  temper.  But  this  had  just  the  contrary 
effect;  for  the  whilom  Hostess  of  the  Stag  o’  Tyne,  enraged  at  the 
Indignity  offered  to  her,  did  so  bemaul  and  bewray  Madame  Mac- 


102 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


philader  with  her  tongue,  shaking  her  fist  at  her  meanwhile,  that 
the  Jaileress  in  a  fury  clawed  at  least  two  handfuls  of  M,  Drum’s 
hair  from  her  head,  not  without  getting  some  smart  clapperclawing 
in  the  face;  whereupon  she  cries  out  “  Murther  ”  and  “  Mutiny  ” 
and  “  Prisonrupt,  ”  and  sends  posthaste  for  Justice  Palmworm, 
her  gossip  indeed,  and  one  of  those  trading  magistrates  that  so  dis¬ 
graced  our  bench  before  Mr.  Henry  Fielding  the  writer  stirred  up 
Authority  to  put  some  order  therein.  The  Justice  comes;  and  he 
and  the  Jaileress,  after  cracking  a  bottle  of  mulled  port  between 
them,  poor  Mother  Drum  was  brought  up  before  his  Worship  for 
mutinous  conduct.  The  Justice  would  willingly  have  compounded 
the  case,  for  Lucre  was  his  only  love;  but  ’twas  vengeance  the 
Jaileress  hankered  after;  and  the  end  of  it  was,  poor  Mother  Drum 
was  triced  up  at  the  post  that  was  by  the  Stocks,  and  had  a  dozen 
and  a  half  from  a  cat  with  indeed  but  three  tails,  but  that,  I  war¬ 
rant,  hurt  pretty  nigh  as  sharply  as  nine  would  have  done  in 
weaker  hands;  for  ’twas  the  Jailer  that  played  the  Beadle  and  laid 
on  the  Scourge. 

At  length,  when  I  was  quite  tired  out,  and,  knowing  nothing  of 
the  course  of  Law,  began  to  think  that  we  were  doomed  to  perpetual 
imprisonment,  His  Majesty’s  Judges  of  Assize  came  upon  the  cir¬ 
cuit,  and  those  whom  the  Fever  and  Want  and  the  Duresse  of  their 
Keeper  had  spared  were  put  upon  their  trial.  By  this  time  I  was 
thought  well  enough,  though  as  gaunt  as  a  hound,  to  be  put  in  the 
same  Jail  bird’s  trim  as  my  companions;  so  a  pair  of  Woman’s 
fetters — ay,  my  friends,  the  Women  wore  fetters  in  those  days — 
were  put  upon  me;  and  the  whole  of  us,  all  shackled  as  we  were, 
found  ourselves,  one  fine  Monday  morning,  in  the  Dock,  having 
been  driven  thereinto  very  much  after  the  fashion  of  a  flock  of 
sheep.  The  Court  was  crowded,  for  the  case  against  the  Blacks 
had  made  a  prodigious  stir;  and  the  King’s  Attorney,  the  most  furi¬ 
ous  Person  for  talking  a  Fellow-creature’s  Life  away  that  ever  I  re¬ 
member  to  have  seen  or  heard,  came  down  especially  from  London 
to  prosecute  us.  Neither  he  nor  His  Lordship  the  Judge,  in  his 
charge  to  the  Grand  Jury,  had  any  but  the  worst  of  words  to  give 
us;  and  folks  began  to  say  that  this  would  be  another  Bloody  As¬ 
size;  that  the  Shire  Hall  had  need  to  be  hung  with  Scarlet,  as  when 
Jeffreys  was  on  the  bench;  and  that  as  short  work  would  be  made 
of  us  as  of  the  Rebels  in  the  West.  And  I  did  not  much  care,  for 
I  was  sick  of  lying  in  hold,  amidst  Evil  Odors,  and  with  a  green 
wound.  Il  came  even  to  whispering  that  of  one  of  us  at  least  would 
be  made  a  Gibbeting-in-chains  matter  for  killing  the  Grenadier,  if 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


103 


that  Act  could  be  fixed  on  any  particular  Black.  And  half  in  jest, 
half  in  earnest,  the  Woman-keeper  told  me  on  the  morning  of  the 
Assizes  that,  young  as  I  was  (not  yet  twelve  years  of  age),  my  bones 
might  rattle  in  a  birdcage  in  the  midst  of  Cliarl wood  Chase;  for  if  I 
could  brain  one  Grenadier,  I  could  kill  another.  But  yet,  being  so 
weary  of  the  Life,  I  did  not  much  Care. 

It  was  still  somewhat  of  a  Relief  to  me  to  come  into  the  Dock, 
and  look  upon  State  and  Rich  Clothes  (in  which  I  have  always  taken 
a  Gentleman-like  pleasure),  in  the  stead  of  all  the  dirt  and  squalor 
which  for  so  long  had  been  my  surrounding.  There  were  the 
Judges  all  ranged,  a  Terrible  show,  in  their  brave  Scarlet  Robes 
and  Fur  Tippets,  with  Great  Monstrous  Wigs,  and  the  King’s 
At  ms  behind  them,  under  a  Canopy,  done  in  Carver’s  work,  gilt. 
They  frowned  on  us  dreadfully  when  we  came  trooping  into  the 
Dock,  bringing  all  manner  of  Deadly  pestilential  Fumes  with  us 
from  the  Jail  yonder,  and  which  not  all  the  rue,  rosemary,  and 
marjoram  strewn  on  the  Dock -ledge,  nor  the  hot  vinegar  sprinkled 
about  the  Court,  could  mitigate.  The  middle  Judge,  who  was  old, 
and  had  a  split  lip  and  a  fang  protruding  from  it,  shook  his  head  at 
me,  and  put  on  such  an  Awful  face,  that  for  a  moment  my  scared 
thoughts  went  back  to  the  Clergyman  at  St.  George’s,  Hanover 
Square,  that  was  wont  to  be  so  angry  with  me  in  his  Sermons.  Ah, 
how  different  was  the  lamentable  Hole  in  which  I  now  found  my¬ 
self,  cheek  by  jowl  with  Felons  and  Caravats,  to  the  great  red-baize 
Pew  in  which  I  had  sat  so  often  a  Little  Gentleman !  He  to  the 
right  of  the  middle  Judge  was  a  very  sleepy  gentleman,  and  scarcely 
ever  woke  up  during  the  proceedings,  save  once  toward  one  of  the 
clock,  when  he  turned  to  his  Lordship  (whom  I  had  at  once  set 
down  as  Mr.  Justice  Blackcap,  and  was  in  truth  that  Dread  Func¬ 
tionary),  saying,  “  Brother,  is  it  dinner-time?”  But  his  Lordship 
to  the  left,  who  had  an  old  white  face  like  a  sheep,  and  his  wig  all 
awry,  was  of  a  more  placable  demeanor,  and  looked  at  me,  poor 
luckless  Outcast,  with  some  interest.  1  saw  him  turn  his  head  and 
whisper  to  the  gentleman  they  told  me  was  the  High  Sheriff,  and 
who  sat  on  the  Bench  alongside  the  Judges,  very  fine,  in  a  robe  and 
gold  chain,  and  with  a  great  sheathed  sword  behind  him,  resting 
on  a  silver  goblet.  Then  the  High  Sheriff  took  to  reading  over  the 
Calendar,  and  shrugged  his  shoulders,  whereupon  I  indulged  in 
some  Hope.  Then  he  leans  over  to  Mr.  Clerk  of  the  Arraigns, 
pointing  me  out,  and  seemingly  asking  him  some  question  about  me; 
but  that  gentleman  hands  him  a  couple  of  parchments,  and  my  quick 
Ear  (for  the  Court  was  but  small)  caught  the  words,  “  There  are 


104 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


two  Indictments  against  him,  Sir  John.”  Whereupon  they  looked 
at  me  no  more,  save  with  a  Stern  and  Sorrowful  Gravity;  and  the 
Hope  I  had  nourished  for  a  moment  departed  from  me.  Yet  then, 
as  afterward,  and  as  now,  I  found  (although  then  too  babyish  to 
reason  about  it),  that,  bad  as  we  say  the  World  is,  it  is  difficult  to 
come  upon  Three  Men  together  in  it  but  that  one  is  Good  and 
Merciful 

I  feel  that  my  disclaimer  notwithstanding  the  Bark  of  my  Narra¬ 
tive  is  running  down  the  stream  of  a  Garrulous  talkativeness;  but  I 
shall  be  more  brief  anon.  And  what  would  you  have?  If  there  be 
any  circumstances  which  would  entitle  a  man  to  give  chapter  and 
verse,  they  must  surely  be  those  under  which  he  was  Tried  for  his 
Life. 

The  first  day  we  only  held  up  our  hands,  and  heard  the  Indict¬ 
ment  against  us  read.  Some  of  us  who  were  Moneyed  had  retained 
Counselors  from  London  to  cross-question  the  witnesses;  foi  to 
speak  to  the  Jury  in  aid  of  Prisoners,  who  could  not  often  speak  for 
themselves,  the  Gentlemen  of  the  Law  were  not  then  permitted. 
And  this  I  have  ever  held  to  be  a  crying  Injustice.  There  was  no 
one,  however,  not  so  much  as  a  Pettifogger,  to  lift  tongue,  or  pen, 
or  finger,  to  save  little  Jack  Dangerous  from  the  Rope.  My  Pro¬ 
tector,  Captain  Night,  was  at  large;  Jowler,  my  first  friend  among 
the  Blacks,  was  dead;  and,  as  Misery  is  apt  to  make  men  Selfish, 
the  rest  of  my  companions  had  entirely  forgotten  how  friendless 
and  deserted  I  was.  But,  just  as  we  were  going  back  to  Jail,  up 
c  Dmes  to  the  spikes  of  the  Dock  a  Gentleman  with  a  red  face,  and  a 
vast  bushy  powdered  wig,  like  a  cauliflower  in  curls.  He  wore  a 
silk  cassock  and  sash,  and  was  the  Ordinary;  but  he  had  forgotten, 
I  think,  to  come  into  the  Prison  and  read  prayers  to  us.  He  kept 
those  ministrations  against  such  time  as  the  Cart  was  ready,  and 
the  Tree  decked  with  its  hempen  garland.  This  gentleman  beckons 
me,  and  asks  if  I  have  any  Counselor.  I  told  him,  No;  and  that  I 
had  no  Friends  ayont  Mother  Drum,  and  she  was  laid  up,  sick  of  a 
pair  of  sore  shoulders.  He  goes  back  to  the  Bench  and  confers 
with  the  Gentlemen,  and  by  and  by  the  Clerk  of  the  Arraigns  calls 
out  that,  through  the  Humanity  of  the  Sheriff,  the  prisoner  John 
Dangerous  was  to  have  Counsel  Assigned  to  him.  But  it  would 
have  been  more  Humane,  I  think,  to  have  let  the  Court  and  the 
World  know  that  I  was  a  poor  neglected  Castaway,  knowing 
scarcely  my  right  Hand  from  my  left,  and  that  all  I  had  done  had 
been  in  that  Blindfoldedness  of  Ignorance  which  can  scarcely,  I 
trust,  be  called  Sin. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


305 


Back,  however,  we  went  to  Jail,  and  a  great  Rout  there  was  made 
that  night  by  Mrs.  Macphilader  for  the  payment  of  all  arrears  of 
Fees  and  Garnish  to  her;  for,  you  see,  being  a  prudent  Woman,  she 
feared  lest  some  of  the  prisoners  should  be  Acquitted,  or  Dis¬ 
charged  on  Proclamation.  And  our  Gang  of  Blacks,  for  whose  aid 
their  friends  in  ambush — and  they  had  friends  in  all  kinds  of  holes 
and  corners,  as  I  afterward  discovered  to  my  surprise — had  most 
bountifully  come  forward,  did  not  trouble  themselves  much  about 
the  peril  they  were  in,  but  bestowed  themselves  of  making  a  Roar¬ 
ing  Fight.  And  hindered  by  none  in  Authority — for  the  Jailers 
and  Turnkeys  in  those  days  were  not  above  drinking,  and  smok¬ 
ing,  and  singing,  and  dicing  with  their  charges — they  did  keep  it 
up  so  merrily  and  so  roaringly,  that  the  best  part  of  the  night  was 
spent  before  drowsiness  came  over  Aylesbury  Jail. 

Then  the  next  day  to  Court,  and  there  the  Judges  as  before,  and 
Sir  John  the  High  Sheriff,  and  the  Counsel  for  the  Crown  and  for 
us,  and  twelve  honest  gentlemen  in  a  box  by  themselves,  that  were 
of  the  Petty  Jury,  to  try  us;  and,  I  am. ashamed  to  say,  a  great 
store  of  Ladies,  all  in  ribbons  and  patches  and  laces  and  fine  clothes, 
that  sate  some  on  the  Bench  beside  the  Judges,  and  others  in  the 
body  of  the  Court  among  the  Counsel,  and  stared  at  us  miserable 
objects  in  the  Dock  as  though  we  had  been  a  Galantee  Show.  It 
is  some  years  now  since  I  have  entered  a  Court  of  Criminal  Justice, 
and  I  do  hope  that  this  Indecent  and  Uncivil  Behavior  of  well-bred 
Women  coming  to  gaze  on  Criminals  for  their  diversion  has  utterly 
given  way  before  the  Benevolence  and  good  taste  of  a  polite  Age. 

When,  at  the  last,  I  was  told  to  plead,  and  at  the  bidding  of  an 
Officer  of  the  Court,  who  slood  underneath  me,  had  pleaded  Not 
Guilty,  and  had  been  asked  how  I  would  be  tried,  and  had  an¬ 
swered,  likewise  at  his  bidding,  “  By  God  and  my  Country,”  and 
when  after  that  the  Clerk  of  the  Arraigns  had  prayed  Heaven — 
and  I  am  sure  I  needed  it,  and  thanked  him  heartily  at  the  time, 
kind  Gentleman,  thinking  that  he  meant  it,  and  not  knowing  that 
it  was  a  mere  Legal  Form — to  send  me  a  good  Deliverance — the 
Judge  bids  me,  to  my  great  surprise,  to  Stand  By.  I  thought  at 
first  that  they  were  going  to  have  Mercy  on  me,  and  would  have 
dowh  on  my  knees  in  gratitude  to  them.  But  it  was  not  so;  and 
the  sleepy  old  Judge,  suddenly  waking  up,  told  me  that  there  were 
two  Indictments  against  me,  and  that  I  should  have  the  honor  of 
being  tried  separately.  Goodness  save  us!  I  was  looked  upon  as 
one  of  the  most  desperate  of  the  Gang,  and  was  to  be  tried,  not  only 
under  the  Black  Act,  but  that,  not  having  the  fear  of  God  before 


106 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


my  eyes,  but  being  moved  by  the  instigation  of  the  Devil,  I  had, 
against  the  Peace  of  our  Sovereign  Lord  the  King,  attempted  felon¬ 
iously  to  kill,  slay,  and  murder  one  John  Foss,  a  Corporal  in  His 
Majesty’s  Regiment  of  Grenadier  Footguards,  by  striking  him,  the 
said  John  Foss,  over  the  back,  breast,  hips,  loins,  shoulders,  thighs, 
legs,  feet,  arms,  and  fingers,  with  a  certain  deadly  weapon,  to  wit, 
with  a  demijohn  of  Brandy. 

I  was  put  back  and  kept  all  day  in  the  prison.  At  evening  came 
in  my  comrades,  and  from  them  I  learned  that  the  case  had  gone 
dead  against  them  from  the  beginning,  that  the  Jury  had  found 
them  guilty  under  the  Statute  without  leaving  the  box;  and  that,  as 
the  felony  was  one  without  the  benefit  of  Clergy,  Judge  Blackcap 
had  put  on  a  wig  as  black  as  his  name,  and  sentenced  every  man 
Jack  of  them  to  be  hanged  on  the  Monday  week  next  following. 

So  them  it  came  to  my  turn  to  be  tried.  The  ordeal  on  the  first 
Indictment  was  very  short;  for,  at  the  Judge’s  bidding,  the  Jury 
acquitted  me  of  tr}ring  to  murder  Corporal  Foss  before  T  had  been 
ten  minutes  in  the  dock:  I  did  not  understand  the  proceedings  in 
the  least  at  that  time;  but  I  was  told  afterward  that  the  clever  legal 
gentlemen  who  had  drawn  up  the  Indictment  against  me,  while 
very  particularly  setting  down  the  parts  of  the  body  on  which  I 
might  have  struck  Corporal  Foss,  omitted  to  specify  the  one  place, 
namely,  his  head,  on  which  I  did  not  hit  him.  Counsel  for  the 
Crown  endeavored,  indeed,  to  prove  that  a  splinter  from  the  broken 
demijohn  had  grazed  the  Corporal’s  finger,  but  the  evidence  for  this 
fell  dead.  And,  again,  it  coming  out  that  I  was  arraigned  as  John 
Danger,  whereas  I  had  given  the  name  of  John  Dangerous,  to 
which  I  had  perhaps  no  more  right  than  to  that  of  the  Pope  of 
Rome,  the  Judge  roundly  tells  the  Jury  that  the  Indictment  is  bad 
in  law,  and  I  was  forthwith  acquitted  as  aforesaid. 

But  I  was  not  scot-free.  There  was  that  other  Indictment  under 
the  Black  Act;  and  in  that,  alas,  there  was  no  flaw.  The  Solemn 
Court  freed  itself,  to  be  sure,  of  the  Mockery  of  finding  a  child 
under  twelve  years  Guilty  of  the  attempted  murder  of  a  Grenadier 
six  feet  high;  but  no  less  did  the  witnesses  swear,  and  the  Judge 
sum  up,  and  Counsel  for  the  Crown  insist,  and  my  Counsel  feebly 
deny,  and  the  Jury  at  last  fatally  find  against  me,  that  I  had  gone 
about  armed  and  Disguised  by  night,  and  wandered  up  and  down 
in  the  King's  Forests,  and  stolen  his  Deer,  and  Goodness  can  tell 
what  besides ;  and  so,  being  found  guilty,  the  middle  Judge  puts 
on  his  black  cap  again,  and  tells  me  that  I  am  to  be  hanged  on 
Monday  week  by  the  neck. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


107 


He  did  not  say  anything  about  my  youth,  or  about  my  utter  lone¬ 
liness,  or  about  the  evil  examples  which  had  brought  me  to  this 
Pass.  Perhaps  it  was  not  his  Duty,  but  that  of  the  Ordinary,  to 
tell  me  so.  The  Hanging  was  his  department,  the  praying  be¬ 
longed  to  his  Reverence.  They  led  me  back  to  prison,  feeling 
rather  hot  and  sick  after  the  words  I  had  listened  to  about  being 
“  hanged  by  the  neck  until  I  was  dead,”  but  still  not  caring  much; 
for  I  could  not  rightly  understand  why  all  these  fine  gentlemen 
should  be  at  the  pains  of  Butchering  me  merely  because  1  had  run 
away  from  school  (being  so  cruelly  entreated  by  Gnawbit),  and  to 
save  myself  from  starvation,  had  joined  the  Blacks. 

Being  to  Die,  it  seemed  for  the  first  time  to  occur  to  them  that  I 
was  not  as  the  rest  of  the  poor  souls  that  were  doomed  to  death, 
and  that  it  behooved  them  to  treat  me  rather  as  a  lamb  that  is 
doomed  for  the  slaughter  than  as  a  great  overgrown  Bullock  to  be 
knocked  down  by  the  Butcher’s  Pole-ax.  So  they  put  me  away 
from  the  rest  of  my  companions,  and  bestowed  me  in  a  sorry  little 
chamber,  where  I  had  a  truckle-bed  to  myself.  Dear  old  Mother 
Drum,  being  still  under  disgrace,  was  not  suffered  to  come  near 
me.  Her  trial,  with  that  of  Cicely  Grip,  for  harboring  armed  and 
disguised  men,  under  the  Black  Act,  which  was  likewise  a  felony, 
was  not  to  come  on  till  the  next  session.  I  believe  that  the  Great 
Gentlemen  at  ^Whitehall  were,  for  a  long  time  after  my  conviction, 
in  a  mind  for  Hanging  me.  ’Twas  thought  a  small  matter  then  to 
stretch  the  neck  of  a  Boy  of  Twelve,  and  children  even  smaller  than 
I  had  worn  the  white  Nightcap,  and  smelt  the  Nosegay  in  the  Cart. 
Indeed,  I  think  the  Ordinary  wanted  me  to  be  Finished  according 
to  Law,  that  he  might  preach  a  Sermon  on  it,  and  liken  me  to  one 
of  the  Children  that  mocked  the  Prophet,  and  so  was  eaten  up  by 
the  She-Bears  that  came  out  of  a  Wood.  When  I  think  on  the 
Reverend  and  Pious  Persons  who  now  attend  our  Criminals  in  their 
last  unhappy  Moments,  and  strive  to  bring  them  to  a  Sense  of  their 
Sins,  it  gives  me  the  Goose-flesh  to  remember  the  Profane  and  Riot¬ 
ous  Parsons  who,  for  a  Mean  Stipend,  did  the  contemned  work  of 
Jail  Chaplains  in  the  days  I  speak  of.  Even  while  the  Hangman 
was  getting  into  proper  Trim,  and  fashioning  his  tools  for  the 
slaughter,  these  callous  Clergymen  would  be  smoking  and  drinking 
with  the  keepers  in  the  Lodge,  talking  nowT  of  a  Main  at  Cocks  and 
now  of  him  who  was  to  suffer  on  the  Morrow,  fleering  and  jesting, 
with  the  Church  Service  in  one  sleeve  of  their  cassock  and  a  Bottle 
Screw  or  a  Pack  of  Cards  in  the  other.  And  the  Condemned  per¬ 
sons,  too,  did  not  take  the  matter  in  a  much  more  serious  light. 


108 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


They  had  their  Brandy  and  Tobacco  even  in  their  Dismal  Hold, 
and  thought  much  less  of  Mercj"  and  Forgiveness  than  of  the  ease 
they  would  have  from  their  Irons  being  stricken  off,  or  the  comfort 
they  would  gain  from  a  last  bellyful  of  Meat.  I  have  not  come  to 
be  sixty-eight  years  of  age  without  observing  somewhat  of  the 
Things  that  have  passed  around  me;  and  one  of  the  best  signs  of 
the  Times  in  which  I  live  (and  due  in  great  part  to  the  Humane  and 
Benignant  complexion  of  his  Majesty)  is  the  falling  off  in  blood¬ 
thirsty  and  cruel  Punishments.  If  a  Dozen  or  so  are  hanged  after 
each  Jail  Delivery  at  the  Old  Bailey,  and  a  score  or  more  whipped 
or  burned  in  the  Hand,  what  are  such  workings  of  justice  com¬ 
pared  with  the  Waste  of  Life  that  was  used  to  be  practiced  under 
the  two  last  monarchs?  At  home  'twas  all  pressing  to  death  those 
who  would  not  plead,  hanging,  drawing,  and  quartering  (how  often 
have  I  sickened  to  see  the  pitch- seethed  members  of  my  Fellow- 
creatures  on  the  spikes  of  Temple  Bar  and  Lndon  Bridge!),  taking 
out  the  entrails  of  those  convict  of  Treason  (as  witness  Colonel 
Towneley,  Mr.  Dawson,  and  many  more  unfortunate  gentlemen  on 
Kennington  Common),  to  say  nothing  of  the  burning  alive  of 
women  for  petty  treason — and  to  kill  a  husband  or  coin  a  groat  were 
alike  Treasonable — the  Scourging  of  the  same  wretched  creatures  in 
Public  till  the  blood  ran  from  their  shoulders  and  soaked  the  knots  of 
the  Beadle's  lash;  the  cartings,  brandings,  and  dolorous  Imprison¬ 
ments  which  were  then  inflicted  for  the  slightest  of  offenses.  Why, 
I  have  seen  a  man  stand  in  the  Pillory  in  the  Seven  Dials  (to  be 
certain,  he  was  a  secure  scoundrel),  and  the  Mob,  not  satisfied,  must 
take  him  out,  strip  him  to  the  buff,  stone  him,  cast  him  down,  root 
up  the  pillory,  and  trample  him  under  foot,  till,  being  rescued  by 
the  constables,  he  has  been  taken  back  to  Newgate,  and  has  died  in 
the  Hackney  Coach  conveying  him  thither. 

Oh,  ’tis  woe  to  think  of  the  Horrors  that  were  then  done  in  the 
name  of  the  Law  and  Justice,  not  only  in  this  country  but  in 
Foreign  Parts — with  tlieir  Breakings  on  the  Wheel,  Questions  Or¬ 
dinary  and  Extraordinary,  Bastinadoes,  Carcans,  Wooden  horses, 
Burnirg  alive  too  (for  vending  of  Irreligious  Books),  and  the  like 
Barbarities.  Let  me  tell  you  likewise,  that,  for  all  the  evil  name 
gotten  by  the  Spanish  and  Portuguese  Inquisitions — for  which  I  en¬ 
tertain,  as  a  Protestant,  due  Detestation  and  Abhorrence — the  dark¬ 
est  deeds  ever  done  by  the  so  called  Holy  Office  in  their  Torture 
Chambers  were  not  half  so  cruel  as  those  performed  with  the  full 
cognizance  and  approbation  of  authority,  in  open  places,  and  in 
pursuance  of  the  sentence  of  the  Civil  Judges.  But  a  term  has 


CAPTAIH  DANGEROUS. 


109 


come  to  these  wickednesses.  The  admirable  Mr.  Howard  before 
named  (whom  I  have  often  met  in  my  travels,  as  he,  good  man,  with 
nothing  but  a  Biscuit  and  a  few  Raisins  in  his  pocket,  went  up  and 
down  Europe  Doing  Good,  smiling  at  Fever  and  tapping  Pestilence 
on  the  cheek) — this  Blessed  Worthy  has  lightened  the  captive’s  fet 
ters,  and  cleansed  his  dungeon,  and  given  him  Light  and  Air.  Then 
I  hear  at  the  Coffee  House  that  the  great  Judge,  Sir  William  Black- 
stone,  has  given  his  caveat  against  the  Frequency  of  Capital  Punish¬ 
ment  for  small  offenses;  and  as  His  Majesty  is  notoriously  averse 
from  signing  more  than  six  Death  Warrants  at  once  (the  old  King 
used  to  say  at  council  in  his  German-English,  “  Vere  is  de  Dyin’ 
speech  man  dat  hang  de  Rogue  forme?”  meaning  the  Recorder 
with  his  Report,  and  seeming,  in  a  sort,  eager  to  dispatch  that  aw¬ 
ful  Business,  of  which  the  present  Prince  is  so  Tender),  I  think 
that  we  have  every  cause  to  Bless  the  Times  and  Reign  we  live  in. 
For  surely  ’tis  but  affected  Softness  of  Heart,  and  Mock,  Sickly 
Sentiment,  to  maintain  that  Highwaymen,  Horse- stealers,  and  other 
hardened  villains,  do  not  deserve  the  Tree,  and  do  not  righteously 
Suffer  for  their  misdeeds;  or  that  wanton  women  do  not  deserve 
bodily  correction,  so  long  as  it  be  done  within  Bridewell  Walls,  and 
not  in  front  of  the  Sessions  House,  for  the  ribald  Populace  to  stare 
at.  Truly  our  present  code  is  a  merciful  one,  although  I  do  not 
hold  that  the  Extreme  Penalty  of  the  law  should  be  exacted  for 
such  offenses  as  cutting  down  growing  trees,  forging  hat-stamps,  or 
stealing  above  the  value  of  a  Shilling;  nevertheless  crime  must  be 
kert  under,  that  is  certain.* 

At  all  events,  they  didn’t  hang  John  Dangerous.  For  a  time,  as 
I  have  said,  the  Great  Gentlemen  at  Whitehall  hesitated.  I  have 
heard  that  Justice  Blackcap,  being  asked  to  intercede  for  me,  did* 
with  a  scurril  jest,  tell  Mr.  Secretary  that  I  was  a  young  Imp  of 
the  Evil  One,  and  that  a  little  Hanging  would  do  me  no  harm. 
Five,  indeed,  of  my  miserable  companions  were  put  to  death,  at 
different  points  on  the  borders  of  Charlwood  Chase,  and  one,  the 
unlucky  Chaplain,  met  his  fate  before  the  door  of  the  Stag  o’ 
Tyne.  The  rest  of  the  Blacks,  of  whom,  to  my  joy,  I  shall  have  no 
further  occasion  to  speak,  were  sent  to  be  Slaves  in  the  American 
Plantations. 

*  Captain  Dangerous,  it  will  be  seen,  was,  in  regard  to  our  criminal  code, 
somewhat  in  advance  of  the  ideas  of  his  age;  but  he  was  scarcely  on  a  level 
with  those  of  our  own,  and,  I  think,  would  have  perused  with  some  surprise  the 
speeches  of  Mr.  Ewart  and  the  “  Vacation  Thoughts  on  Capital  Punishments  ” 
of  the  late  Mr.  Commissioner  Phillips.— G.  A.  S. 


110 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


I  had  lain  in  the  Jail  more  than  a  month  after  my  Sentence,  when 
Mr.  Shapcott,  a  good  Quaker  Gentleman  of  the  place  (who  had 
suffered  much  for  Conscience’  sake,  and  was  very  Pitifully  inclined 
to  all  those  who  were  in  Affliction),  began  to  take  some  interest  in 
my  unhappy  Self;  calling  me  a  si  rayed  Lamb,  a  brand  to  be 
snatched  from  the  burning,  and  the  like.  And  he,  by  the  humane 
connivance  of  the  Mayor  and  other  Justices,  was  now  permitted  to 
have  access  unto  me,  and  to  conciliate  the  Keeper,  Mrs.  Macphila- 
der,  by  money-presents,  to  treat  me  with  some  kindness.  Also  he 
brought  me  many  Good  Books,  in  thin  paper  covers;  the  which, 
although  I  could  understand  but  very  little  of  their  Saving  Truths, 
yet  caused  me  to  shed  many  Tears,  more  Sweet  than  Bitter,  and  to 
acknowledge,  when  taxed  with  it  in  a  Soothing  way,  that  my 
former  Manner  of  Life  had  been  most  Wicked.  But  I  should  do 
this  good  man  foul  injustice,  were  I  to  let  it  stand  that  his  benevo¬ 
lence  to  me  was  confined  to  books.  He  and  (ever  remembered) 
Mistress  Shapcott,  his  Meek  and  Pious  Partner,  and  his  daughter, 
Wingrace  Shapcott  (a  tall  and  straight  young  woman,  as  Beautiful 
as  an  Angel),  were  continually  bringing  me  Comforts  and  Need¬ 
ments,  both  in  Raiment  and  Food.  It  churns  my  Old  Heart  now 
to  think  of  that  Beautiful  Girl,  sitting  beside  me  in  my  dank  Prison 
Room,  the  tears  streaming  from  her  mild  eyes,  calling  me  by  En¬ 
dearing  names,  and  ever  and  anon  taking  my  hand  in  hers,  and 
sinking  on  her  knees  to  the  sodden  floor  (with  no  thought  of  soiling 
her  kirtle),  while  with  profound  Fervor  she  prayed  for  the  conver¬ 
sion  of  errant  Me.  Sure  there  are  Hearts  of  Gold  among  those 
Broadbrims  and  their  fair  straitlaced  Daughters.  Many  a  Mer¬ 
chant’s  Money-bags  I  have  spared  for  the  sake  of  Mr.  Barzillai 
Shapcott  (late  of  Aylesbury).  Many  a  Fair  Woman  have  I  inter¬ 
mitted  from  my  Furious  Will  in  remembrance  of  the  good  that  was 
shown  me,  in  the  old  time,  by  that  pale,  straight -gowned  Wingrace 
yonder,  with  her  meek  Face  and  welling  Eyes.  Of  my  deep  and 
grievous  Sins  they  told  me  enow,  but  they  forbore  to  Terrify  me 
with  Frightful  Images  of  Unforgiving  Wrath;  speaking  to  me  of 
Forgiveness  alway,  rather  than  of  Torment.  And  once,  when  I 
had  gotten,  through  favor  of  the  Keeper,  Mr.  Drelincourt  his  book 
on  Death  (and  had  half-frightened  myself  into  fits  by  reading  the 
Apparition  of  Mrs.  Veal),  these  good  people  must  needs  take  it 
from  me,  telling  me  that  such  strong  meat  was  not  fit  for  Babes, 
and  gave  me  in  its  place  a  pretty  little  chap-book,  called  “  Joy  for 
Friendly  Friends.”  But  that  I  am  old  and  battered,  and  black  as  a 
Guinea  Negro  with  sins,  I  would  go  join  the  Quakers  now.  Never 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


Ill 


mind  their  broad-brims,  and  theeing  and  thouing.  I  tell  you,  man, 
that  they  have  hearts  as  soft  as  toast-and  butter,  and  that  they  do 
more  good  in  a  day  than  my  Lord  Bishop  (with  his  coach-horses, 
forsooth!)  does  in  a  year.  And  oh,  the  pleasure  of  devalizing  one 
of  these  Proud  Prelates,  as  I — that  is,  some  of  my  Friends — have 
done  scores  of  times! 

Nothing  would  suit  the  good  Shapcotts  but  that  I  should  write 
in  mine  own  hand  a  Petition  to  the  King’s  Majesty.  The  Magis¬ 
trates,  who  now  began  to  take  some  interest  in  me,  were  for  having 
it  drawn  up  by  their  Town  Clerk,  and  me  only  to  put  my  Mark  to 
it;  for  they  would  not  give  a  poor  little  Hangdog  of  a  Black  any 
credit  of  Clergy.  But  being  told  that  I  could  both  read  and  write, 
after  a  Fashion,  it  was  agreed  that  I  was  to  have  myself  the  scriven- 
ing  of  the  Document;  they  giving  me  some  Forms  and  Hints  for 
beginning  and  ending,  and  bidding  me  con  my  Bible,  and  choose 
such  texts  as  I  thought  bore  on  my  Unhappy  Condition.  And 
after  Great  Endeavors  and  many  painful  days,  and  calling  all  my 
little  Scholarship  under  my  Grandmother,  the  kind  old  school-mis¬ 
tress  of  Foubert’s  Passage,  Gnawbit  (burn  .him!),  and  Captain 
Night,  I  succeeded  in  producing  the  following.  I  give  it  word  for 
■word  as  I  wrote  it,  having  kept  a  copy;  but  I  need  not  say  that, 
as  a  Gentleman  of  Fortune,  my  Style  and  Spelling  are  not  now  so 
Barbarous  and  Uncouth. 

This  was  my  Petition  to  His  Majesty: 


“  The  Humble  Pettyshon  of  Jon  Dangerous  now  a  prisinner  under 
centense  off  Deth  in  His  Maggestys  Gayle  at  Alesbury  to  His 
Maggesty  Gorge  by  the  grease  of  God  King  of  Grate  Briton  Frans 
and  Eyearland  Defender  off  the  Fathe  Showeth  That  yore 
Petetioner  which  I  am  Unfortunate  enuff  to  be  mixed  up  in  this 
business  Me  and  the  others  wich  have  suffered  was  Cast  by  the 
Jewry  and  Justis  Blackcapp  he  ses  that  as  a  Warming  and  Eggs- 
ample  i  am  to  be  Hanged  by  the  Nek  till  you  are  Ded  and  the 
Lord  have  Mercy  upon  his  Soul  Great  Sur  your  Maggesty  the 
Book  ses  that  wen  the  wicked  man  turneth  away  from  his 
Wickedness  wich  he  have  committed  and  doetli  that  wich  is  Law¬ 
ful  and  Rite  he  shall  save  his  Sole  alive  Therefore  deer  Great 
Sur  wich  a  reprieve  would  fall  like  Thunder  upon  a  Contrite 
Hart  and  am  most  sorrowful  under  the  Black  Act  wich  it  is  true 
I  took  the  deere  but  was  led  to  it  Deere  Sur  wich  Mungo  and 
others  was  repreeved  at  the  Tree  and  sent  to  the  Plantations  but 
am  not  twelve  yeeres  old  And  have  always  been  a  Prottestant 
Great  Sur  i  shall  be  happy  to  serve  his  Maggesty  by  see  or  land 
and  if  the  Grannydeere  he  had  not  Vexed  me  but  had  no  other 
way  being  in  a  Korner  and  all  Fiting  and  so  i  up  with  the  dem- 


112 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


myjon  which  i  hoap  he  is  better  And  your  Petishioner  will  ever 
pray  your  Maggesty’s  loving  Subject  and  Servant 

Jon  Dangerous 

My  Granmother  was  a  Lady  of  Quality  and  lived  in  her  own  House 
'in  Hannover  Squair  and  was  used  after  her  Deth  very  cruelly  by 
one  Mistress  Tallmash  and  Kadwallader  which  was  the  Stoard 
and  was  sent  in  a  Waggin  like  a  Beggar  Deere  Sur  Mr  Gnaw- 
bit  he  used  me  shameful  wicli  I  was  Blak  and  Blue  and  the  Old 
Gentleman  he  ses  you  Run  away  ses  he  into  Charwood  chaise  and 
join  the  Blacks  Deere  Sur  this  is  All  which  Captain  Nite  would 
swear  but  as  eloped  I  am  now  lying  here  many  weekes  Deere 
Sur  I  sliood  like  to  be  hanged  in  Wite  for  I  am  Innocent  least- 
ways  of  meaning  to  kill  the  Grannydere  ’  ’ 

This  was  a  Curious  kind  ot  School -boy  letter.  Different  I  take 
it  from  those  one  gets  from  a  Brother,  asking  for  a  Crown,  a  Pony, 
or  a  Plumcake.  But  my  Schools  had  been  of  the  hardest,  and 
this  was  my  Holiday  letter. 

When  the  Mayor  read  it,  he  burst  out  a-laughing,  and  says  that 
no  such  Thieves’  Flash  must  be  sent  to  the  Foot  of  the  Throne. 
But  Mr.  Shapcott  told  him  that  he  would  not  have  one  word  altered; 
that  he  would  not  even  strike  out  the  paragraph  where  I  had  been 
irreverent  enough  to  quote  a  Text  (and  spell  it  badly);  and  that 
what  I  had  written,  and  naught  else,  should  go  to  the  King.  He 
took  it  to  London  himself,  and  His  Majesty  being  much  elated  by 
some  successes  in  Germany,  and  the  Discovery  of  a  Jacobite  Plot, 
and  moved  moreover  by  the  intercession  of  a  Foreign  Lady,  that 
was  his  Favorite,  and  who  vowed  that  the  little  Deer-Stealer’s  Peti¬ 
tion  was  Monstrous  Droll,  and  almost  as  good  as  a  Play — His 
Majesty  was  graciously  pleased  to  remit  my  sentence,  on  condition 
of  my  transporting  myself  for  life  to  His  Majesty’s  Plantations  in 
North  America. 

As  to  my  transporting  ‘  ‘  myself,  ’  ’  that  wTas  a  Fiction.  I  was 
henceforth  as  much  a  slave  to  my  own  Countrymen  as  I  was  in  after 
days  to  the  Moors.  The  Sliapcotts  would  willingly  have  provided 
me  with  the  means  of  going  to  the  ultermost  ends  of  the  World, 
but  that  was  not  the  way  the  thing  was  to  be  done.  Flesh  and  Blood 
were  bought  and  sold  in  those  days,  and  it  did  not  much  matter 
about  the  color.  By  that  strange  Laxity  which  then  tempered  the 
severity  of  the  Laws,  I  was  permitted,  for  many  days  after  my  Fate 
was  settled,  to  remain  in  a  kind  of  semi-Enlargement.  I  suppose 
that  Mr.  Shapcott  gave  bail  for  me;  but  I  was  taken  into  his  Family, 
and  treated  with  the  most  Loving  Kindness,  till  the.  fearful  intelli¬ 
gence  came  that  I,  with  two  hundred  other  Convicts,  had  been 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


113 


“Taken  up”  for  Transportation  by  Sir  Basil  Hop  wood,  a  rich 
Merchant  and  Alderman  of  London,  who  paid  a  certain  Sum  a  head 
for  us  to  the  King’s  Government  for  taking  us  to  America,  where 
he  might  make  what  profit  he  pleased,  by  selling  our  wretched 
Carcasses  to  be  Slaves  to  the  Planters. 

Oh,  the  terrible  Parting!  but  there  was  no  other  Way,  and  it  had 
to  be  Endured.  My  kind  friends  made  me  up  a  packet  of  Neces¬ 
saries  for  the  Voyage,  and  with  a  Heavy  Heart  I  bade  them  fare- 
well.  These  good  people  are  all  Dead:  but  their  woman- servant, 
Ruth,  a  pure  soul,  of  great  Serenity  of  Countenance,  still  lives;  and 
every  Christmas  does  the  Carrier  convey  for  me  to  Aylesbury  a 
Hamper  full  of  the  Good  Things  of  this  Life,  and  Ten  Golden 
Guineas.  And  I  know  that  this  Good  and  Faithful  Servant  (who 
has  been  well  provided  for)  just  touches  the  Kissing-crust  of  one  of 
the  Pies  my  Lilias  has  made  for  her,  and  that  she  goes  straight  with 
the  rest,  Money  and  Cakes,  to  the  Jail,  and  therewith  relieves  the 
Debtors  (whom  Heaven  deliver  out  of  their  Captivity!)  And  it  is 
more  seemly  that  she  rather  than  I  should  do  this  thing,  seeing  that 
there  are  those  Who  will  not  *  believe  that  after  a  Hard  Life  a  man 
can  keep  a  fleshy  heart,  and  who  would  be  apt  to  dub  me  Hypocrite 
if  these  Doles  came  from  me  directly. 


CHAPTER  THE  TENTH. 

ON  SUNDRY  MY  ADVENTURES  FROM  THE  TIME  OF  MY  GOING 
ABROAD  UNTIL  MY  COMING  TO  MAN’S  ESTATE  (WHICH  WAS  ALL 
THE  ESTATE  I  HAD). 

A  strange  Nursing-mother — rather  a  Step-molher  of  the  Stoniest 
sort — was  this  Sir  Basil  Hopwood,  Knight  and  Alderman  of  London,  . 
that  contracted  with  the  Government  to  take  us  Transports  abroad. 
Sure  there  never  was  a  man,  on  this  side  of  the  land  of  Horse¬ 
leeches,  that  was  so  Hungry  after  money.  Yet  was  his  avarice  not 
of  the  kind  practiced  by  old  Audley,  the  money-scrivener  of  the 
Commonwealth’s  time;  or  Hopkins,  the  wretch  that  saved  candles’ 
ends  and  yet  had  a  thousand  wax-lights  blazing  at  his  Funeral;  or, 
Guy  the  Bookseller,  that  founded  the  Hospital  in  Southwark;  or 
even  old  John  Elwes,  Esquire,  the  admired  Miser  of  these  latter 
days.  Sir  Basil  Hopwood  was  the  rather  of  the  same  complexion 
of  Entrails  with  that  Signor  Volpone  whom  we  have  also  seen — at 
least  such  of  us  as  be  old  Boys — in  Ben  Jonson’s  play  of  the  ‘  ‘  Fox,  ’  ’ 


114 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


He  mone3r-grubbed,  and  Money-clutclied,  and  Money- wrung,  ay,  in 
a,  manner  Money-stole,  that  he  might  live  largely,  and  ruffle  it  among 
his  brother  Cits  in  surpassing  state  and  splendor.  He  had  been 
Lord  Mayor;  and  on  his  Show-day  the  Equipments  of  chivalry  had 
been  more  Sumptuous,  the  Banners  more  varied,  the  Entertainment 
at  Saddlers’  Hall — where  the  Lord  Mayor  was  wont  to  hold  liis 
Feast  before  the  present  Mansion  House  was  built,  the  ancient 
Guildhall  in  lying  Street  being  then  but  in  an  ill  condition  for 
banquet — Hopwood’s  Entertainment,  I  say,  had  been  more  plenti¬ 
fully  provided  with  marrow  bones, Custards,  Ruffs  and  Reeves, Baked 
Cygnets,  Malmsey,  Canary,  and  Hippocras,  than  had  ever  been 
known  since  the  days  of  Sir  Robert  Clayton,  the  Merry  Mayor,  who 
swore  that  King  Charles  the  Second  should  take  t’other  bottle. 
He  was  a  Parliament  man,  too,  and  had  a  borough  in  his  Pocket — 
more’s  the  shame — besides  one  to  serve  him  as  a  cushion  to  sit  on. 

This  enormously  rich  man  had  a  fine  House  in  Bishopsgate 
Street,  with  as  many  rogues  in  blue  liveries  as  a  Rotterdam  Syndic 
that  has  made  three  good  ventures  in  Java.  When  we  poor 
wretches,  chained  together,  had  been  brought  up  in  Carts  from 
Aylesbury  to  London,  on  our  way  to  be  Embarked,  nothing  would 
serve  this  Haughty  and  Purse-proud  Citizen  but  that  our  ragged 
Regiment  must  halt  before  his  peddling  Palace;  and  there  the  var- 
lets  in  blue  that  attended  upon  him  brought  us  out  Loaves  and 
Cheese,  and  Blackjacks  full  of  two-thread  Beer,  which,  with  many 
disdainful  gestures  and  uncivil  words,  they  offered  to  our  famished 
lips.  And  my  Lady  Hopwood,  and  the  fine  Madams  her  daughters 
— all  laced  and  furbelowed,  and  with  widows’  and  orphans’  tears, 
and  the  blood-drops  of  crimped  seamen  and  kidnapped  children, 
twinkling  in  their  Stomachers  for  gems — were  all  set  at  their  Bowery 
window,  a  pudding-fed  chaplain  standing  bowing  and  smirking 
behind  them,  and  glozing  in  their  ears  no  doubt  Praises  of  their 
exceeding  Charity  and  Humanity  to  wretches  such  as  we  were. 
But  this  Charity,  Jack,  says  I  to  myself,  is  not  of  the  Shapcott 
sort,  and  is  but  cast  metal  after  all.  My  troth,  but  we  wanted  the 
Bread  and  Cheese  and  Swipes :  for  we  had  had  neither  Bite  nor  Sup 
since  we  left  Aylesbury  Jail  seven-and-twenty  hours  agone.  So, 
after  a  while,  and  the  mob  hallooing  at  us  for  Gallows-birds,  and 
some  Ruffians  about  the  South-Sea  House  pelting  us  with  stones — 
for  Luck,  as  they  said — we  were  had  over  London  Bridge — where 
with  dreadful  admiration  I  viewed  the  Heads  and  Quarters  of 
Traitors,  all  shimmering  in  the  coat  of  pitch  i’  the  Sun,  over  the 
North  Turret — and  were  bestowed  for  the  night  in  the  Borough 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


115 


Clink.  And  hither  we  were  pursued  by  the  Alderman’s  Agents, 
who  straightway  began  to  drive  Unholy  Bargains  with  those  among 
us  that  had  Money.  Now  ’twas  selling  them  Necessaries  for  the 
voyage  at  exorbitant  rates;  or  promising  them,  for  cash  in  hand,  to 
deliver  them  Luxuries,  such  as  Tobacco,  playing-cards,  and  strong 
waters,  at  the  Port  of  Embarkation.  Now  twas  substituting  Light 
for  Heathy  Fetters,  if  the  Heaviness  could  be  Assuaged  by  Gold; 
and  sometimes  even  negotiations  were  carried  so  far  as  for  the  con¬ 
victed  persons  to  give  Drafts  of  Exchange,  to  be  honored  by  their 
Agents  in  London,  so  soon  as  word  came  from  the  Plantations  that 
they  had  been  placed  in  Tolerable  Servitude,  instead  of  Agonizing 
Slavery.  For  although  there  was  then,  as  there  is  now,  a  con¬ 
venient  Fiction  that  a  Felon’s  goods  became  at  once  forfeit  to  the 
Crown,  I  never  yet  knew  a  Felon  (and  I  have  known  many)  that 
felt  ever  so  little  difficulty  in  keeping  his  property,  if  he  had  any, 
and  disposing  of  it  according  to  his  own  Good  Will  and  Pleasure. 

The  Head  Jailer  of  the  Borough  Clink — I  know  not  how  his 
Proper  official  title  ran — was  a  colonel  in  the  Foot  Guards,  who 
lived  in  Jermyn  Street,  St.  James’s,  and  transacted  most  of  his  High 
and  Mighty  business  either  at  Poingdestre’s  Ordinary  in  St.  Alban’s 
Palace,  or  at  White’s  Chocolate  House,  to  say  naught  of  the  Row, 
or  the  Key  in  Chandos  Street.  Much,  truly,  did  he  concern  him¬ 
self  about  his  unhappy  Captives.  His  place  was  a  Patent  one,  and 
was  worth  to  him  about  Fifteen  Hundred  a  year,  at  which  sum  it 
was  farmed  by  Sir  Basil  Hop  wood;  who,  in  his  turn,  on  the  prin¬ 
ciple  that  “  ’tis  scurvy  money  that  won’t  stick  to  your  fingers,”  un¬ 
derlet  the  place  to  a  company  of  Four  Rogues,  who  gave  him  Two 
Thousand  for  it,  which  they  managed  to  swell  into  at  least  Three 
for  themselves  by  squeezing  of  Poor  Prisoners,  and  the  like  crying 
Injustices.  ’Twas  Aylesbury  Jail  over  again,  with  the  newest  im¬ 
provements  and  the  Humors  of  the  Town  added  to  it.  So,  when 
Sir  Basil  Hop  wood  look  up  a  cargo  of  cast  persons  for  Transporta¬ 
tion,  his  underlings  of  the  Borough  Clink  were  only  too  glad  to 
harbor  them  for  a  night  or  two,  making  a  pretty  profit  out  of  the 
poor  creatures.  For  all  which,  I  doubt  it  not,  Sir  Basil  Hopwood 
and  his  scoundrelly  Myrmidons  are,  at  this  instant  moment.  IIowl- 
•  mg. 

This  place  was  a  prison  for  Debtors  as  well  as  Criminals,  and 
was  to  the  full  as  Foul  as  the  Tophet-pit  at  Aylesbury  yonder.  I 
had  not  been  there  half  an  hour  before  a  Lively  companion  of  a 
Gentleman  Cutpurse,  with  a  wrench  at  my  kerchief,  a  twist  at  my 
arm  (which  nearly  Broke  it  in  twain),  and  a  smart  Blow  under  my 


116 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


Lower  Jaw,  robs  me  of  the  packet  of  comforts  (clothing,  pressed 
beef,  sugar,  comfits,  and  the  like)  which  my  kind  friends  at  Ayles¬ 
bury  had  given  me.  The  Rascal  comes  to  me  a  few  minutes  after¬ 
ward  with  a  packet  of  Soap  and  a  Testament,  which  he  had  taken 
from  my  Bundle,  and  returns  them  to  me  with  a  Grin,  telling  me 
that  it  was  long  since  his  Body  had  felt  need  of  the  one  or  his  Soul 
of  the  other.  And  yet  I  think  they  would  have  profited  consider¬ 
ably  (pending  a  Right  Cord)  by  the  application  of  Both.  So  I  in  a 
corner,  to  moan  and  whimper  at  my  Distressed  condition. 

A  sad  Sunday  I  spent  in  the  Clink — ’twas  on  the  Monday  we 
were  to  start — although,  to  some  other  of  my  companions,  the  Time 
passed  jovially  enough.  For  very  many  of  the  Relations  and 
Friends  of  the  Detained  Persons  came  to  visit  them,  bringing  them 
money,  victuals,  clothing,  and  other  Refreshments.  ’Twas  on  this 
day  I  heard  that  one  of  us,  who  was  cast  for  Forgery,  had  been 
offered  a  Free  Pardon  if  he  could  lodge  Five  Hundred  Pounds  in 
the  hands  of  a  Person  who  had  Great  Influence  near  a  Great  Man. 

Late  on  the  Sunda}'  afternoon  Sir  Basil  Hopwood  came  down  in 
his  coach,  and  with  his  chaplain  attendant  on  him.  We  Convicts 
were  all  had  to  the  Grate,  for  the  Ivnighl  and  Alderman  would  not 
venture  further  in,  for  fear  of  the  Jail  Fever;  and  he  makes  us  a 
Fine  Speech  about  the  King’s  Mercy — which  I  deny  not —  and  his 
own  Infinite  Goodness  in  providing  for  us  in  a  Foreign  Land.  The 
which  I  question.  Then  he  told  us  how  we  were  to  be  very  civil 
and  obedient  on  the  voyage  to  those  who  were  set  over  us,  refrain¬ 
ing  from  cursing,  sweaiing,  gaming,  or  singing  of  profane  songs, 
on  pain  of  immediate  and  smart  chastisement;  and  having  said  this, 
and  the  chaplain  having  given  us  his  Benediction,  he  gat  him  gone, 
and  we  were  rid  of  so  much  Rapacious  and  Luxurious  Hypocrisy. 
We  lay  in  the  yard  that  night,  wrapped  in  such  extra  Garments  as 
some  of  us  were  Fortunate  enough  to  have;  and  I  sobbed  myself  to 
sleep,  wishing,  I  well  remember,  that  it  might  never  be  Day  again, 
but  that  my  Sorrows  might  all  be  closed  in  by  the  Merciful  Curtain 
of  Eternal  Night. 

So  on  the  Monday  morning  we  were  driven  down— a  body  of  Sir 
Basil  Hopwood’s  own  company  of  the  Trainbands  guarding  us — to 
Shayler’s  Stairs,  near  unto  the  church  of  St.  Mary  Overy;  and 
there — we  were  in  number  about  a  hundred— put  on  board  a  Hoy, 
which  straightway,  the  tide  being  toward,  bore  down  the  river  for 
Gravesend. 

By  this  time  I  found  that,  almost  insensibly,  as  it  were,  I  had 
become  separated  from  my  old  companions,  the  Blacks,  and  that  I 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


117 


was  more  than  ever  Alone.  The  greatest  likelihood  is,  that  Au¬ 
thority  deemed  it  advisable  to  break  up,  for  good  and  all,  the  For¬ 
midable  Confederacy  they  had  laid  hold  of,  and  to  prevent  those 
Dangerous  Men  from  ever  again  making  Head  together.  But  my 
whole  Life  was  but  a  kind  of  Shifting  and  uncertain  Vision,  and  I 
took  little  note  of  the  personages  with  whom  I  came  in  contact,  till 
looking  around  me,  in  a  dull  Jistlessness  about  the  Hoy,  I  found 
myself  cheek  by  jowl  with  a  motley  crew,  seemingly  picked  up 
haphazard  from  all  the  jails  in  England.  But  ’twas  all  one  to  me, 
and  I  did  not  much  care.  Such  a  Stupor  of  Misery  came  over  me, 
that  for  a  time  I  almost  forgot  my  good  Quaker  Friends,  and  the 
lessons  they  had  taught  me;  that  I  felt  myself  once  more  drifting 
into  being  a  Dangerous  little  brute;  and  that  seeing  the  Master  of 
the  Hoy,  a  thirsty-looking  man,  lifting  a  great  stone-bottle  to  his 
lips,  I  longed  to  serve  him  as  I  had  served  Corporal  Foss  with  the 
demijohn  of  Brandy  in  the  upper  chamber  of  the  Stag  o’  Tyne. 

We  landed  not  at  Gravesend,  but  were  forthwith  removed  to  a 
bark  called  “  The  Humane  Hop  wood,”  in  compliment,  I  suppose,  to 
Sir  Basil,  and  which,  after  lying  three  days  in  the  Downs,  put  into 
Deal  to  complete  her  complement  of  Unfortunate  Persons.  And  I 
remember  that,  before  making  Deal,  we  saw  a  stranded  Brig  on  the 
Goodwins,  which  was  said  to  be  a  Legliorner,  very  rich  with  oil 
and  silks;  round  which  were  gathered  just  as  you  may  see  obscene 
Birds  of  Prey  gathered  round  a  dead  carcass,  and  picking  the  Flesh 
from  its  bones — at  least  a  score  of  luggers  belonging  to  the  Deal 
Boatmen.  These  worthies  had  knocked  holes  in  the  hull  of  the 
wreck,  and  were  busily  hauling  out  packages  and  casks  into  their 
craft,  coming  to  blows  sometimes  with  axes  and  marlin-spikes  as  to 
who  should  have  the  Biggest  Booty.  And  it  was  said  on  Board 
that  they  would  not  unfrequently  decoy  by  false  signals,  or  posi¬ 
tively  haul,  a  vessel  in  distress  on  to  those  same  Goodwins — in 
whose  fatal  depths  so  many  tall  Ships  lie  Ingulfed — in  order  to 
have  the  Plunder  of  her,  which  was  more  profitable  than  the  Sal¬ 
vage,  that  being  in  the  long-run  mostly  swallowed  up  by  the  Crimps 
and  Longshore  Lawyers  of  Deal  and  other  Ports,  who  were  wont 
to  buy  the  Boatmen’s  rights  at  a  Ruinous  Discount.  Salvage  Men, 
indeed,  these  Boatmen  might  well  be  called;  for  when  I  was  young 
it  was  their  manner  to  act  with  an  extreme  of  Savage  Barbarity, 
thinking  far  less  of  saving  Human  Life  than  of  clutching  at  the 
waifs  and  strays  of  a  Rich  Cargo.  And  then  up  would  sheer  a 
Custom-House  cutter  or  Revenue  Pink,  the  skipper  and  his  crew 
fierce  in  their  Defense  of  the  Laws  of  the  Land,  the  Admiralty 


118 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


Droits,  and  their  own  twentieths;  and  from  Hard  blows  with  lists 
and  spikes,  matters  would  often  come  to  the  arbitrament  of  cut¬ 
lasses  and  firearms;  so  that  Naval  Engagements  of  a  Miniature 
kind  have  often  raged  between  the  Deal  Boatmen  and  the  King’s 
Officers.  Surely  the  world  was  a  Hard  and  a  Cruel  and  a  Brutal 
one,  when  I  was  young — bating  the  Poor  Laws,  which  were  tenderer 
than  now;  for  now  that  I  am  old  the  Gazettes  are  full  of  the  Tender 
Valor  and  Merciful  Devotion  of  the  Deal  Boatmen,  who,  in  the 
most  tempestuous  weather,  will  leave  their  warm  beds,  their  wives 
and  bairns,  and  put  off,  with  the  Sea  running  mountains  high,  to 
rescue  Distraught  Vessels  and  the  Precious  Lives  that  are  within 
them.  The  Salvage  Men  of  my  time  were  brave  enough,  but  they 
were  likewise  unconscionable  rogues. 

The  wind  proved  false  to  us  at  Deal,  and  we  had  to  wait  a  weary 
ten  days  there.  Captain  Handsell  was  our  commander.  He  was  a 
man  who  knew  but  one  course  of  proceeding.  ’Twas  always  a 
word  and  a  blow  with  him.  By  the  same  token  the  blow  generally 
came  first,  and  the  word  that  followed  was  sure  to  be  a  bad  one. 
The  Captain  of  a  Ship,  from  a  Fishing  Smack  to  a  Three-Decker, 
was  in  those  days  a  cruel  and  merciless  Despot.  ’Twas  only  the 
size  of  his  ship  and  the  number  of  his  Equipage  that  decided  the 
question  whether  he  was  to  be  a  Petty  Tyrant  or  a  Tremendous 
One.  His  Empire  was  as  undisputed  as  that  of  a  School-master. 
Who  was  to  gainsay  him?  To  whom,  at  Sea,  could  his  victims 
appeal?  To  the  Sharks  and  Grampuses,  the  Dolphins  .and  the 
Bonettas?  He  was  privileged  to  beat,  to  fetter,  to  starve,  to  kick, 
to  curse  his  Seamen.  Even  his  Passengers  trembled  at  the  sight  of 
this  Bashaw  of  Bluewater;  for  he  had  Irons  and  Rations  of  Moldy 
Biscuit  for  them,  too,  if  they  offended  him;  and  many  a  Beautiful 
and  Haughty  Lady,  paying  full  cabin-passage,  has  bowed  down  be¬ 
fore  the  wrath  of  a  vulgar  Skipper,  whom,  at  home,  she  would  have 
thought  unworthy  to  Black  her  Shoes,  and  who  would  be  seething 
in  the  revelry  of  a  Tavern  in  Rotherliithe,  while  she  would  be  foot¬ 
ing  it  in  the  Saloons  of  St.  James’s.  Yet  for  a  little  time,  at  the  out¬ 
set  of  his  voyage,  the  Skipper  had  his  superior;  the  Bashaw  had  a 
Vizier  who  was  bigger  than  he.  There  was  a  Terrible  Man  called 
the  Pilot.  He  cared  no  more  for  the  Captain  than  the  Archbishop 
of  Canterbury  cares  for  a  Charity-Boy.  He  gave  him  a  piece  of  his 
Mind  whenever  he  chose,  and  he  would  have  his  own  Way,  and 
had  it.  It  was  the  delight  of  the  Seamen  to  see  their  Tyrant  and 
Bully  degraded  for  a  time  under  the  supreme  authority  of  the  Pilot, 
who  drank  the  Skipper’s  mm;  who  had  the  best  Beef  and  Burgoo 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


119 


at  the  Skipper’s  table;  who  wore,  if  he  was  so  minded,  the  Skip¬ 
per’s  tarpauliu;  who  used  the  Skipper’s  telescope,  and  thumbed  his 
charts,  and  kicked  his  Cabin-boy,  and  swore  his  oaths,  till,  but  for 
the  fear  of  the  Trinity  House,  I  think  the  Skipper  would  have  been 
mighty  glad  to  fling  him  over  the  taffrail.  But  the  reign  of  this 
Great  Mogul  of  Lights  and  Points  and  Creeks  soon  came  to  an  end. 
A  River  Pilot  was  the  lesser  evil,  a  Channel  Pilot  was  the  greater 
one;  but  both  were  got  rid  of  at  last.  Then  the  Skipper  was  him¬ 
self  again.  He  would  drink  himself  blind  with  Punch  in  the  fore¬ 
noon,  or  cob  his  cabin-boy  to  Death’s  door  after  dinner  for  a  frolic. 
He  could  play  the  very  Devil  among  the  Hands,  and  they  perforce 
bore  with  his  capricious  cruelty;  for  there  is  no  running  away  from 
a  Ship  at  Sea.  Jack  Shark  is  Jailer,  and  keeps  the  door  tight  * 
There  is  but  one  way  out  of  it,  and  that  is  to  Mutiny,  and  hey  for 
the  Black  Flag  and  a  Pirate’s  Free  and  Jovial  Life.*  But  Mutiny  is 
Hanging,  and  Piracy  is  Hanging,  and  Gibbeting,  too;  and  how 
seldom  it  is  that  you  find  Bold  Hearts  who  have  Stuff  enough  in 
them  to  run  the  great  risk!  As  on  sea,  so  it  is  on  land.  That  Ugly 
Halter  dances  before  a  man’s  eyes,  and  dazes  him  away  from  the 
Firmest  Resolve.  For  how  long  will  School-boys  endure  the  hideous 
Enormities  of  a  Gnawbit  before  they  come  to  the  Supreme  Revolt 
of  a  Barring-out!  And  for  how  long  will  a  People  suffer  the  mad 
tyranny  of  a  Ruler,  who  outrages  their  Laws,  who  strangles  their 
Liberties,  who  fleeces  and  squeezes  and  tramples  upon  them,  before 
they  take  Heart  of  Grace,  and  up  Pike  and  Musket,  and  down- 
derry-down  with  your  Ruler,  who  is  ordinarily  the  basest  of  Pol¬ 
troons,  and  runs  away  in  a  fright  so  soon  as  the  first  Goose  is  bold 
enough  to  cry  out  that  the  Capitol  shall  be  saved! 

Nothing  of  this  did  I  think  aboard  “  The  Humane  Hop  wood.”  I 
was  too  young  to  have  any  thought  at  all,  save  of  rage  and  anguish 
when  it  pleased  Captain  Handsell,  being  in  a  cheerful  mood,  to 
belabor  me,  till  I  was  black  and  blue,  with  a  rope’s  end.  At  the 
beginning  of  the  voyage  I  was  put  into  the  hold,  ironed,  with  the 
rest  of  the  convicts,  who  were  only  permitted  to  come  on  deck 
twice  a  day,  morning  and  evening,  for  a  few  Mouthfuls  of  Fresh 
air;  who  were  fed  on  the  vilest  biscuit  and  the  most  putrid  water — 
getting  but  a  scrap  of  fat  pork  and  a  dram  of  Rum  that  was  like 
Fire  twice  a  week,  and  who  were  treated,  generally,  much  like 
Negroes  on  the  Middle  passage.  But  by  and  by — say  after  ten  days; 
but  I  took  little  account  of  Time  in  this  floating  Purgatory — Captain 


*  Captain  Dangerous!  Captain  Dangerous  I— Ed. 


120 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


Handsell  has  me  unironed;  and  his  cabin-boy,  a  poor  weakly  little 
lad,  that  could  not  stand  much  beating,  being  dead  of  that  and  a 
flux,  and  so  thrown  overboard  without  any  more  words  being  said 
about  it — (he  was  but  a  little  Scottish  castaway  from  Edinburgh, 
who  had  been  kidnapped  late  one  night  in  the  Grass  Market,  and 
sold  to  a  Greenock  skipper  trading  in  that  line  for  a  hundred  pound 
Scots — not  above  eight  pounds  of  our  currency) — and  there  is  no 
Crowner’s  Quest  at  sea,  I  was  promoted  to  the  Vacant  Post.  I  was 
Strong  enough  now,  and  the  Wound  in  my  arm  gave  me  no  more 
pain;  and  1  think  I  grew  daily  stronger  and  more  hardened  under 
the  shower  of  blows  which  the  Skipper  very  liberally  dealt  out  to 
me;  I  hardly  know  with  more  plenitude  when  he  was  vexed,  or 
when  he  was  pleased.  But  I  was  not  the  same  bleating  little  Lamb 
that  the  wolfish  Gnawbit  used  to  torture.  No,  no;  John  Dangerous’s 
apprenticeship  had  been  useful  to  him.  Even  as  college-lads  grad¬ 
uate  in  their  Latin  and  Greek,  so  I  had  graduated  upon  braining 
the  Grenadier  with  the  demijohn.  I  could  take  kicks  and  cuffs, 
but  I  could  likewise  give  them.  And  so,  as  this  Roaring  Skipper 
made  me  a  Block  to  vent  his  spite  upon,  I  would  slruggle  with,  and 
bite,  and  kick  his  shins  till  sometimes  we  managed  to  fall  together 
on  the  cabin-floor  and  tumble  about  there — pull  he,  pull  I,  and  a 
kick  together! — till  the  Watch  would  look  down  the  sky-light  upon 
us,  grinning,  and  chuckle  hoarsely  that  old  Belzey,  as  they  called 
their  commander  (being  a  diminutive  for  Beelzebub),  and  his  young 
Imp  were  having  a  tussle.  Thus  it  came  about  that  among  these 
unthinking  Seamen  I  grew  to  be  called  Pug  (who,  I  have  heard,  is 
the  Lesser  Fiend),  or  Little  Brimstone,  or  young  Pitcli-ladle.  And 
then  I,  in  my  Impish  way,  w^ould  offer  to  fight  them,  too,  resenting 
their  scurril  nicknames,  and  telling  them  that  I  had  but  one  name, 
which  was  Jack  Dangerous. 

The  oddest  thing  in  the  world  was  that  the  Skipper,  Ungovern¬ 
able  Brute  as  he  was,  seemed  to  take  a  kind  of  liking  for  me  through 
my  Resistance  to  him. 

“  What  a  young  Tiger-cub  it  is!”  he  would  say  sometimes,  sway¬ 
ing  about  his  Rope’s  End,  as  if  undecided  whether  to  hit  me  or 
not.  “  Lie  down,  Rawbones!  Lie  down,  Tearem!” 

“You  go  to  hit  me  again,”  I  would  cry,  all  hot  and  flurried; 
“I’ll  mark  you,  I  will,  you  Tarpaulin  Hedgehog!” 

Then  in  a  Rage  he  would  make  a  Rush  at  me,  and  Welt  me 
sorely;  but  oftener  he  would  Relent,  and  opening  his  Locker  would 
give  me  a  slice  of  Sausage,  or  a  white  Biscuit,  or  a  nip  of  curious 
Nantz. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


121 


At  last  lie  gave  up  maltreating  me  altogether.  “  If  jrou'(l  been  of 
the  same  kidney  as  Sawney  M’Gillicuddy,”  he  said,  speaking  of 
the  poor  little  Scottish  lad  who  Died,  “  I’d  have  made  jrou  food  for 
fishes  long  ago.  ’Slid,  my  younker,  but  they  should  ’a  had  their 
meat  tender  enough,  or  there’s  no  vartue  in  hackled  hemp  for  a 
lacing!  But  you’ve  got  a  Heart,  my  lad;  and  if  you’re  not  hanged 
before  you’re  out  of  your  Teens,  you’ll  show  the  World  that  you 
can  Bite  as  well  as  Bark  some  of  these  days.  ’  ’ 

So  I  became  a  prime  Favorite  with  Captain  Handsell;  and,  in  the 
Expansion  of  his  Liking  toward  me,  he  began  to  give  me  instruc¬ 
tion  in  the  vocation  in  which  a  portion  of  my  life  has  since  (with 
no  small  distinction,  though  I  say  it  that  should  not)  been  passed. 
Of  scientific  Navigation  this  very  Rude  and  Boorish  person  knew 
little,  if  anything;  but  as  a  Practical  Seamen  he  had  much  skill  and 
experience.  Indeed,  if  the  Hands  had  not  enjoyed  a  lively  Faith  in 
the  solid  sea-going  Qualities  of  Foul-Weather  Bob,”  as  they 
called  him  when  they  did  not  choose  to  give  him  his  demoniacal 
appellation,  they  would  have  Mutinied,  and  sent  him,  Lashed  to  a 
grating,  on  a  voyage  of  Discovery  at  least  twice  in  every  Twenty- 
Four  Hours.  For  he  led  them  a  most  Fearful  Life. 

I  had  imparted  to  him  that  1  was  somewhat  of  a  scholar,  and  that 
Captain  Night  had  taught  me  something  besides  stealing  the  King’s 
Deer.  There  was  a  Bible  on  Board,  which  the  Skipper  never  read 
— and  read,  indeed,  he  was  scarcely  able  to  do — but  which  he  turned 
to  the  unseemly  use,  when  he  had  been  overcruel  to  his  crew,  of 
swearing  them  upon  it,  that  they  would  not  inform  against  him 
when  they  got  into  port.  For  this  was  an  odd  medley  of  a  man, 
and  had  his  moments  of  Remorse  for  evil-doing,  or  else  of  Fear  as 
to  what  might  be  the  Consequences  when  he  reached  a  Land  where 
,some  degree  of  Law  and  Justice  were  recognized.  At  some  times 
he  would  propitiate  his  crew  with  donatives  of  Rum,  or  even  of 
Money;  but  the  next  day  he  would  have  his  Cruelty  Fit  on  again, 
and  use  his  men  with  ten  times  more  Fierceness  and  Arbitrary 
Barbarity.  But  to  this  Bible  and  a  volume  of  Nautical  Tables  our 
Library  was  confined;  anti  as  he  troubled  himself  very  little  about 
the  latter,  I  was  set  to  read  to  him  sometimes  after  dinner  from  the 
Good  Book.  But  he  was  ever  coarse  and  ungovernable,  and  would 
have  no  Righteous  Doctrine  or  Tender  Precepls,  but  only  took  de¬ 
light  when  I  read  to  him  from  the  Old  Scriptures  the  stories  of  the 
Jews,  their  bloody  wars,  and  how  their  captains  and  men  of  war 
slew  their  Thousands  and  Tens  of  Thousands  in  Battle.  And  with 
shame  I  own  that  ’twas  these  Furious  Narratives  that  I  liked  also; 


122 


CAPTAIN  DANGEKOUS. 


and  with  exceeding  pleasure  read  of  Joshua  his  victories,  and  Sam¬ 
son  his  achievements,  and  Gideon  how  he  battled,  and  Agag  how 
they  hewed  him  to  pieces.  Little  cockering  books  I  see  now  put 
forth,  with  pretty  decoying  pictures,  which  little  children  are  bidden 
to  read.  Stories  from  the  Old  Testament  -are  dressed  up  in  pretty 
sugared  language.  Oh,  you  makers  of  these  little  books!  oh,  you 
fond  mothers  who  place  them  so  deftly  in  your  children’s  hands! 
bethink  you  whether  this  strong  meat  is  fit  for  Babes.  An  old 
Man,  whose  life  has  been  passed  in  Storms  and  Stratagems  and 
Violence,  not  innocent  of  blood-spilling,  bids  you  beware!  Let  the 
children  read  that  other  Book,  its  Sweet  and  Tender  Counsels,  it& 
examples  of  Mercy  and  Love  to  all  Mankind.  But  if  I  had  a  child 
five  or  six  years  old,  would  I  let  him  fill  himself  wiih  the  horrible 
chronicles  of  Lust,  and  Spoliation,  and  Hatred,  and  Murder,  and 
Revenge?  “  Why  shouldn’t  I  torture  the  cat?”  asks  little  Tommy. 
“Didn’t  the  man  in  the  Good  Book  tie  blazing  Torches  to  the 
foxes’  tails?”  And  little  Tommy  has  some  show  of  reason  on  his 
side.  Let  the  children  grow  up;  wait  till  their  stomachs  are  strong 
enough  to  digest  this  potent  victual.  It  is  hard  indeed  for  one  wno 
has  been  a  Protestant  alway  to  have  to  confess  that  when  such  in¬ 
discreet  reading  is  placed  in  children’s  hands,  those  crafty  Romish 
ecclesiastics  speak  not  altogether  foolishly  when  they  tell  us  that 
the  mere  Word  slayeth.  But  on  this  point  I  am  agreed  to  consult 
Doctor  Dubiety,  and  to  be  bound  by  his  decision. 

In  so  reading  to  the  Skipper  every  day,  I  did  not  forget  to  exer¬ 
cise  myself  in  that  other  art  of  Writing,  and  was  in  time  serviceable 
enough  to  be  able  to  keep,  in  something  like  a  rational  and  legible 
form,  the  Log  of  “  The  Humane  Hop  wood,”  which  heretofore  had 
been  a  kind  of  cabalistic  Register,  full  of  blots,  crosses,  half -moons, 
and  zig  zags,  like  the  chalk  score  of  an  unlettered  Ale-wife.  And 
the  more  I  read  (of  surely  the  grandest  and  simplest  language  in 
the  world)  the  more  I  discovered  how  ignorant  I  was  of  that  essen¬ 
tial  art  of  Spelling,  and  blushed  at  the  vile  manner  in  which  the 
Petition  I  had  written  to  the  King  of  England  was  set  down.  And 
before  we  came  to  our  voyage’s  end  I  had  made  a  noticeable  im¬ 
provement  in  the  Curious  Mystery  of  writing  Plain  English. 

One  day  as  the  Skipper  was  taking  Tobacco  (for  he  was  a  great 
Smoker),  he  said  to  me,  “  Jack,  do  you  know  what  you  are,  lad?” 

“Your  cabin-boy,”  I  answered;  “bound  to  fetch  and  carry; 
hempen  wages,  and  not  much  better  treated  than  a  dog.” 

“You  lie,  you  scum,”  Captain  Handsell  answered  pleasantly. 
“  You  go  snacks  with  me  in  the  very  best,  and  your  beef  is  boiled 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


123 


in  my  own  copper.  But  ’tisn’t  that  I  mean.  Do  you  know  how 
you  hail  on  the  World’s  books?  what  the  number  of  your  mess  in 
Life  is?” 

“  Yes,”  I  replied;  “  I’m  a  Transport.  Was  to  have  been  hanged; 
but  I  wrote  out  a  Petition,  and  the  Gentlemen  in  London  gave  it  to 
the  King,  God  bless  him!” 

“  Vastly  well,  mate!”  continued  the  Captain.  “Do  you  know 
what  a  Transport  is?” 

“  No;  something  very  bad,  I  suppose;  though  I  don’t  see  that  he 
can  be  much  worse  off  than  a  cabin-boy  that’s  been  cast  for  Death, 
and  lain  in  jail  with  a  bayonet  wound  he  got  from  a  Grenadier — let 
alone  having  been  among  the  Blacks,  and  paid  anigh  to  Death  by 
Gnawbit — when  he  was  born  a  Gentleman.” 

“  You  lie  again.  To  be  a  Transport  is  worse  than  aught  you’ve 
had.  Why,  a  cat  in  a  furnace  without  claws  is  an  Angel  of  bliss 
along  of  a  Transport!  You’re  living  in  a  land  of  beans  and  bacon 
now,  in  a  land  of  milk  and  honey  and  new  rum.  Wait  till  you  get 
to  Jamaica.  Two  hundred  and  odd  vagabonds  that  I’ve  got  aboard 
will  be  given  over  to  the  Sheriff  at  Port  Royal,  and  he’ll  sell  ’em 
by  auction;  and  for  as  long  as  they’re  sent  across  the  herring  pond 
they’ll  be  slaves,  and  worse  than  slaves,  to  the  planters;  for  the 
black  Niggers  themselves,  rot  ’em!  make  a  mock  of  a  Newgate 
bird.  Hard  work  in  the  blazing  sun,  scarce  enough  to  eat  to  keep 
body  and  soul  together,  the  cat-V  nine-tails  every  day,  with  the 
cowhide  for  a  change;  and,  when  your  term’s  out,  not  a  Joe  in 
your  pocket  to  help  you  to  get  back  to  your  own  country  again. 
That’s  the  life  of  a  Transport,  my  hearty.  Why,  it’s  worse  cheer 
than  one  of  my  own  hands  gets  here  on  shipboard!” 

“  I  think  I’d  rather  be  hanged,”  I  said,  with  something  like  a 
Trembling  come  over  me  at  the  Picture  the  Skipper  had  drawn. 

“I  should  rather  think  you  would;  but  such  isn’t  your  luck, 
little  Jack  Dangerous.  What  would  you  say  if  I  was  to  tell  you 
that  you  hain’t  a  Transport  at  all?” 

I  stammered  out  something,  I  know  not  what,  but  could  make 
no  substantial  reply. 

“  Not  a  bit  of  it,”  continued  Captain  Handsell,  who  by  this  tithe 
was  getting  somewhat  Brisk  with  his  afternoon’s  Punch.  “  Hang 
it,  who’s  afraid?  I  like  thee,  lad.  I’m  off  my  bargain,  and  don’t 
care  a  salt  herring  if  I’m  a  loser  by  a  few  broad  pieces  in  not  stick¬ 
ing  to  it.  I  tell  thee.  Jack,  thou’rt  Free,  as  Free  as  I  am;  least- 
ways  if  we  get  to  Jamaica  without  going  to  Davy  Jones’s  Locker; 


124 


CAPTAIN"  DANGEROUS. 


for  on  blue  water  no  man  can  say  he’s  Free.  No;  not  the  Skipper 
even.  ’ ' 

And  then  lie  told  me,  to  my  exceeding  Amazement  and  Delight, 
of  what  an  Iniquitous  Transaction  I  had  very  nearly  been  made  the 
victim.  It  seems  that  although  the  Pardon  granted  me  after  the 
Petition  I  had  sent  to  his  Majesty  w^as  conditional  on  my  transport¬ 
ing  myself  to  the  Plantations,  further  influence  had  been  made  for 
me  in  London—  by  wfliom  I  knew  not  then,  but  I  have  since  dis  • 
covered — and  on  the  very  Day  of  the  arrival  of  our  condemned 
crew  in  London,  an  Entire  and  Free  pardon  had  been  issued  for 
John  Dangerous,  and  lodged  in  the  hands  of  Sir  Basil  Hop  wood  at 
his  House  in  Bishopsgate  Street.  Along  with  this  merciful  Docu¬ 
ment  there  came  a  letter  from  one  of  his  Majesty’s  principal  Sec¬ 
retaries  of  State,  in  which  directions  were  given  that  I  was  to  be 
delivered  over  to  a  person  who  was  my  Guardian.  And  that  I  was 
in  no  danger  of  being  again  given  up  to  the  villains  Cadwallader 
and  Talmash,  or  their  Instrument  Gnawbit,  was  clear,  I  think, 
from  what  Captain  Handsell  tokl  me:  That  the  Person  bringing  the 
letter — the  Pardon  itself  being  in  the  hands  of  a  King’s  Messenger 
— had  the  appearance,  although  dressed  in  a  lay  habit,  of  being  a 
Foreign  Ecclesiastic.  The  crafty  Extortioner  of  a  Knight  and 
Alderman  makes  answer  that  I  had  not  come  with  the  other  Trans¬ 
ports  to  London,  but  had  been  left  sick  at  Brentford,  in  the  care  of 
an  agent  of  his  there;  but  he  entreats  the  Foreign  Person  to  go 
visit  Newgate,  where  he  had  another  gang  of  unhappy  persons  for 
Transportation,  and  see  if  I  had  arrived.  And  all  this  while  the 
wretch  knew  that  I  was  safely  clapped  up  in  the  yard  of  the 
Borough  Clink.  And  the  Foreign  Person  being  met  at  the  Old 
Bailey  by  one  of  Hop  wood’s  creatures,  this  Thing  takes  him  to 
walk  on  the  leads  of  the  Session  House,  praying  him  not  to  enter 
the  jail,  where  many  had  lately  been  stricken  with  the  Distemper, 
and  by  and  by  up  comes  a  Messenger  all  hot  as  it  seemed  with  ex¬ 
press  riding — though  his  sweat  and  dust  were  all  Forged — and  says 
that  a  gang  of  Ruffians  have  broken  up  the  Cage  of  Brentford, 
where,  for  greater  safety,  the  Boy  Dangerous  had  been  bestowed; 
that  these  Ruffians  were  supposed  to  be  the  remnant  of  the  Blacks 
of  Chari  wood  Chase  who  had  escaped  from  capture;  and  that  they 
had  stolen  away  the  Boy  Dangerous,  and  made  clear  off  with  him. 
And,  indeed,  it  was  a  curious  circumstance  that  Brentford  Cage  w^as 
that  day  broken  into  (the  Times  were  very  Lawless),  and  a  Strange 
Boy  taken  out  therefrom.  But  Hopwood  had  artfully  separated  me 
from  the  Blacks  who  were  in  Newgate,  and  placed  me  among  a 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


125 


stranger  mob  of  riffraff  in  the  Borough  Clink.  The  Newgate  Gang 
were  in  due  time  taken,  not  to  Gravesend,  but  straight  away  from 
the  Pool  to  Richmond  in  Virginia;  wThereas  I  was  conveyed  to 
Gravesend  and  Deal,  and  shipped  off  to  Jamaica  in  “  The  Humane 
Hop  wood.”  And  what  do  you  lliink  was  the  object  of  this  Humane 
Scoundrel  in  thus  sequestrating  the  King’s  Pardon  and  robbing  me  of 
my  liberty,  and  perhaps  of  the  occasion  of  returning  to  the  state  of 
a  Gentleman,  in  which  I  was  born?  ’Twas  simply  to  kidnap  me, 
and  make  a  wretched  profit  of  twenty  or  thirty  pounds — the  Com¬ 
mander  of  his  Ship  going  him  half  in  the  adventure — by  selling  me 
in  the  West  Indies,  where  white  boys  not  being  Transports  were 
then  much  in  demand,  to  be  brought  up  as  clerks  and  cash-keepers 
to  the  Planters.  Sure  there  was  never  such  a  Diabolical  Plot  for 
so  sorry  an  end;  but  a  vast  number  of  paltry  conspiracies,  carried 
out  with  Infernal  Cunning  and  Ingenuity,  had  made,  in  the  course 
of  years,  Sir  Basil  Hopwood  rich  and  mighty,  a  Knight  and  Aider- 
man,  Parliament  man  and  ex-Lord  Mayor.  To  carry  out  these  de¬ 
signs  was  just  part  of  the  ordinary  calling  of  a  Ship  master  in  those 
days.  ’Twas  looked  upon  as  the  simplest  matter  of  business  in  the 
world.  To  kidnap  a  child  was  such  an  every-day'  deed  of  devilry, 
that  the  slightest  amount  of  pains  was  deemed  sufficing  to  conceal 
the  abominable  thing.  And  thus  the  Foreign  Person  saw  with 
dolorous  Eyes  the  convoy  of  convicts  take  their  departure  from  New¬ 
gate  to  ship  on  board  the  Virginian  vessel  at  St.  Katherine’s  Stairs, 
while  poor  little  Jack  Dangerous  was  being  smuggled  away  from 
Gravesend  to  Jamaica. 

And  to  Jamaica  I  should  have  gone  to  be  sold  as  a  Slave,  but 
for  the  strange  occurrence  of  the  Captain  taking  a  liking  to  me.  He 
dared  not  have  kept  me  among  the  convicts,  as  the  Sheriff  at  Port 
Royal  would  have  had  a  List  in  Duplicate  of  their  names  sent  out 
by  a  fast-sailing  King’s  Ship;  for  tlje  Government  at  Home  had 
some  faint  Suspicion  of  the  prevailing  custom  of  Kidnapping,  and 
made  some  Feeble  Attempts  to  stop  it.  But  he  would  have  kept 
me  on  board  as  a  ship -boy  till  the  Auction  of  the  Transports  was 
over,  and  then  he  would  have  coolly  sold  me,  for  as  much  as  I 
would  fetch,  to  some  Merchant  of  Kingston  or  Port  Royal,  who 
was  used  to  deal  in  flesh  and  blood,  and  who,  in  due  course,  would 
have  transferred  me.  at  a  profit,  to  some  up-country  planter. 

“  But  that  shall  never  be,  Jack,  my  hearty,”  Captain  Handsell 
exclaimed,  when,  after  many  more  pipes  of  Tobacco  and  rummers 
of  Punch,  he  had  explained  these  wonderful  things  to  me.  “I 
shall  lose  my  half  share  in  the  venture,  and  shall  have  to  tell  a 


126 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


game  lie  to  yonder  old  Skin-a-fiea-for-the  hide-and-fat  in  London; 
but  what  o’  that?  I  tell  thee  I  won’t  have  the  sale  of  thy  flesh  and 
blood  on  my  conscience.  No  slave  shall  you  be,  forsooth.  I  have 
an  aunt  at  Kingston,  as  honest  a  woman  as  ever  broke  biscuit, 
although  she  has  got  a  dash  of  the  tar-brush  on  her  mug,  and  she 
shall  take  charge  of  thee;  and  if  thou  wert  a  gentleman  boin  I’ll 
be  hanged  if  thou  sha’n’t  be  a  gentleman  bred.” 

It  would  have  been  more  fitted  to  the  performance  of  this  Honor¬ 
able  and  Upright  Action  toward  one  that  he  had  no  motive  at  all  in 
serving  (in  Fact,  his  Interest  lay  right  the  other  way),  that  I  should 
be  able  to  chronicle  a  sensible  Reformation  in  my  Commander’s 
bearing  and  conduct  toward  others;  but,  alas,  that  I  am  unable  to 
do;  the  truth  being  that  he  continued,  unto  the  very  end  of  our 
voyage,  to  be  toward  the  Hands  the  same  brutal  and  merciless 
Tyrant  that  he  had,  once,  in  the  days  of  his  Rope’s  End  Discipline, 
been  toward  me.  ’Twas  Punch  and  Cobbing,  Tobacco  and  Ugly 
Words,  from  the  rising  of  the  Sun  until  the  setting  of  the  same. 
And  for  this  reason  it  is  (having  seen  so  many  Contradictions  in 
Human  character)  that  I  am  never  surprised  to  hear  of  a  Good 
Action  on  the  part  of  a  very  Bad  Man,  or  of  a  Bad  Action  done  by 
him  who  is  ordinarily  accounted  a  very  Good  one. 

“  The  Humane  Hop  wood  ”  was  a  very  bad  Sailer — being,  in  truth, 
as  Leaky  an  old  Tub  as  ever  escaped  breaking-up  for  Fire- Wood  at 
Lumberers’  Wharfs — and  we  were  seven  weeks  at  Sea  before  we 
fell  in  with  a  trade-wind,  and  then  setting  every  Rag  we  could 
hoist,  went  gayly  before  that  Favorable  breeze,  and  so  cast  anchor 
at  Port  Royal  in  the  island  of  Jamaica. 

Captain  Handsell  was  as  good  as  his  word.  Not  a  syllable  did 
he  say  to  the  Sheriff  of  Kingston  about  my  not  being  a  Transport, 
or  being,  indeed,  in  the  Flesh  at  all  in  those  parts;  for  lie  argued 
that  the  Sheriff  might  have  some  foregatherings  with  the  Knight 
and  Alderman  of  Bisliopsgate  Street  by  correspondence,  and  that 
the  Wealthy  Extortioner  might  make  use  of  his  credit  in  the  Sugar 
Islands  to  do  me,  some  day  or  another,  an  ill-turn.  But  he  had  me 
privily  on  shore  when  the  Transports  had  all  been  assigned  to 
different  task-masters;  and  in  due  lime  he  introduced  me  to  his 
Aunt,  his  Brother’s  Wife  indeed  (and  I  believe  he  had  come  out  to 
the  Island  with  an  Old-Bailey  Passport;  but  Rum  and  the  climate 
had  been  too  strong  for  him,  and  he  had  so  Died  and  left  her  a 
Widow). 

She  was  by  right  and  title,-  then,  Mistress  Handsell,  with  the 
Christian  name  of  Sarah;  but  among  the  colored  people  of  Kings- 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


127 

ton  she  went  by  the  name  of  Maum  Buckey,  and,  among  her  more 
immediate  intimates,  as  “  Yaller  Sally.”  And  although  she  passed 
for  being  very  Wealthy,  I  declare  that  she  was  nothing  but  a 
Washer-woman.  This  Washing  Trade  of  hers,  however,  which  she 
carried  on  for  the  King  and  Merchants’  ships  that  were  in  Harbor, 
and  for  nearly  all  the  rich  Merchants  and  Traders  of  Kingston, 
brought  Maum  Buckey  in  a  very  pretty  penny;  and  not  only  was  her 
tub  commerce  a  brisk  ready-money  business,  but  she  had  two 
flourishing  plantations — one  for  the  growing  of  Coffee,  and  the 
other  of  Sugar — near  the  town  of  Savanna  de  la  Mar.  Moreover, 
she  had  a  distillery  of  Rum  and  Arrack  in  Kingston  itself,  and 
everybody  agreed  that  she  must  be  very  well  to  do  in  the  world. 
She  was  an  immensely  fat  old  Mulatto  woman,  on  the  wrong  side 
of  Fifty  when  I  knew  her,  and  her  Mother  had  been  a  slave  that 
had  been  the  Favorite  Housekeeper  to  the  English  Governor,  who, 
dying,  left  her  her  Freedom,  and  enough  Money  to  carry  on  that 
Trade  of  cleansing  clothes  which  her  Daughter  afterward  made  so 
profitable. 

Maum  Buckey  and  I  speedily  became  very  good  friends.  She 
was  proud  of  her  relationship  with  a  white  Englishman — a  right 
go-down  Buckra  as  she  called  him — who  commanded  a  ship,  and 
besides  recommended  her  to  other  gentlemen  in  his  way  for  a 
Washer- woman;  and  although  she  took  care  to  inform  me,  before 
we  had  been  twenty-four  hours  acquainled,  that  her  Husband,  Sam 
Handsell,  had  been  a  sad  Rascal,  who  would  have  drunk  all  her 
Money  away,  had  he  not  Timeously  drunk  himself  to  death,  she 
made  me  the  friendliest  welcome,  and  promised  that  she  would  do 
all  she  could  for  me,  “  the  little  piccaninny  buckra,”  who  was  set 
down  by  Mr.  Handsell  as  being  the  son  of  an  old  Shipmate  of  his 
that  had  met  with  misfortunes.  After  a  six- weeks’  stay  in  the 
island,  and  “  The  Humane  Hop  wood  ”  getting  Freight  in  the  way  of 
Sugar,  Captain  Handsell  bade  me  good-bye,  and  set  sail  with  a  fair 
wind  for  Bristol,  England.  I  never  set  Eyes  upon  him  again. 
You  see,  my  Friends,  that  this  is  no  cunningly  spun  Romance,  in 
which  a  character  disappears  for  a  Season,  and  turns  up  again,  as 
pat  as  you  please,  at  the  end  of  the  Fourth  Volume;  but  a  plain 
Narrative  of  Facts,  in  which  the  Personages  introduced  must  needs 
Come  and  Go  precisely  as  they  Came  and  Went  to  me  in  Real  Life. 

I  have  often  wished,  when  I  had  Power  and  Riches,  to  meet  with 
and  show  my  Gratitude  to  the  rough  old  Sea- Porpoise  that  used  to 
Rope’s-end  me  so,  and  was  so  tearing  a  Tyrant  to  his  Hands,  and 
yet  in  a  merg  fit  of  kind-heartedness  played  the  Honest  Man  to  me. 


128 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


when  All  Tilings  seemed  against  me,  and  rescued  Jolin  Dangerous 
from  a  Foul  and  Wicked  Trap. 

Maum  Buckey  liad  a  great  rambling  house — it  had  but  one 
Story,  with  a  Piazza  running  round,  but  a  huge  number  of  Rooms 
and  Yards — in  the  suburbs  of  Kingston.  There  did  I  take  up  my 
abode.  She  Had  at  least  twenty  Negro  and  Mulotter  Women  and 
Girls  that  worked  for  her  at  the  Washing,  and  at  Starching  and 
Ironing,  for  the.  Mill  was  always  going  with  her.  ’Twas  wash, 
wash,  wash,  and  wring,  wring,  wring,  and  scrub,  scrub,  scrub, 
all  day  and  all  night  too,  when  the  harbor  was  full  of  ships.  Not 
that  she  ever  touched  Soapsuds  or  Flat-iron  or  Goffering-stick  her¬ 
self.  She  was  vastly  too  much  of  a  Fine  Lady  for  that,  and  would 
loll  about  in  a  great  chair — one  Negro  child  fanning  her  with  a 
great  Palmetto,  and  another  tickling  the  soles  of  her  feet — sipping 
her  Sangaree  as  daintily  as  you  please.  She  wras  the  most  ignorant 
old  creature  that  ever  was  known,  could  neither  read  nor  write,  and 
made  a  sad  jumble  of  the  King’s  English  when  she  spoke;  yet,  by 
mere  natural  quickness  and  rule-of-thumb,  she  could  calculate  to  a 
Joe  how  much  a  Ship-master’s  Washing-Bill  came  to.  And  wiien 
she  had  settled  that  according  to  her  Scale  of  Charges,  which  were 
of  the  most  Exorbitant  Kind,  she  w'ould  Grin  and  say,  “  He  dam 
ship,  good  consignee;”  or,  “  He  dam  ship,  dam  rich  owmer;  stick 
him  on  ’notlier  dam  fl’  poun’  English,  my  chile;”  and  for  some 
curious  reason  or  another,  ’  twas  seldom  that  a  ship-master  cared  to 
quarrel  with  Maum  Buckey ’s  Washing-Bills.  She,  being  so  unlet¬ 
tered,  had  been  compelled  to  engage  all  manner  of  Whites  who 
could  write  and  read — now  Transports,  now'  Free — to  keep  her  ac¬ 
counts,  and  draw  her  necessary  writings;  but  it  wras  hard  to  tell 
which  were  the  greatest  Rogues,  the  Convicts  wdiose  term  w'as  out, 
or  the  Free  Gentlemen  wrho  had  come  out  without  a  pair  of  iron 
•  garters  to  their  hose.  In  those  days  all  our  plantations,  and  Jamaica 
most  notably,  wrere  full  of  the  very  Scum  and  Riffraff  of  our  En¬ 
glish  towns.  ’Twas  as  though  you  had  let  Fleet  Ditch,  dead  dogs 
and  all,  loose  on  a  West-India  Island.  That  Ragged  Regiment 
which  Falstaff  in  the  Play  would  not  march  through  Coventry  with 
were  at  free  quarters  in  Jamaica,  leave  alone  the  regular  garrison 
of  King’s  Troops,  of  which  the  private  men  were  mostly  pick¬ 
pockets,  poachers,  and  runaway  serving- men,  wiio  had  enlisted  to 
save  themselves  from  a  merry-go-round  at  Rope  Fair;  and  the 
officers  the  worst  and  most  deboslied  Gentlemen  that  ever  w*ore  his 
Majesty’s  cockade,  and  gave  themselves  airs  because  they  had  three 
quarters  of  a  yard  of  black  ribbon  crinked  up  in  tlieir  hats.  Cap- 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


129 


tain  This,  who  had  been  kicked  out  of  a  Charing-Cross  coffee-house 
for  pocketing  a  Puncli-ladle  while  the  drawer  was  not  looking;  Lieu¬ 
tenant  That,  who  had  been  caned  on  the  Mall  for  cheating  at  cards; 
and  Ensign  T’other,  who  had  been  my  lord’s  valet,  and  married  his 
Madame  for  enough  cash  to  buy  a  pair  of  colors  withal.  Military 
gentlemen  of  this  feather  used  to  serve  in  the  West  Indies  in  those 
days,  and  swagger  about  Kingston  as  proud  as  peacocks,  when 
nvery  one  of  them  had  done  that  at  home  they  should  be  cashiered 
for.  Maum  Buckey  would  not  have  to  do  with  these  light-come- 
light-go  gallants.  “Me  wash  for  Gem’n  Ship-Cap’n,  Gem’n 
Marchant,  Gem’n  Keep  store,”  she  would  observe;  “  me  not  wash 
for  dam  Soger-officer.  ” 

Her  Sugar  Plantation  was  in  charge  of  a  shrewd  Nortli-country- 
man,  against  whom,  save  that  he  was  a  runaway  bankrupt  from 
Hull  in  England,  there  was  nothing  to  say.  Her  Coffee  Estate  was 
managed  by  an  Irishman  that  had  married,  as  he  thought,  a  great 
Fortune,  but  found  the  day  after  his  wedding  that  she  was  but  a 
fortune-hunter  like  himself,  and  had  at  least  three  husbands  living 
jn  divers  parts  of  the  world.  And  finally,  the  Distillery  had  for 
overseer  one,  an  Englishman,  that  had  been  a  Horse  Couper,  and  a 
runner  for  the  Crimps,  at  Wapping,  and  a  supercargo  that  was  not 
too  honest — albeit  he  had  to  keep  his  accounts  pretty  square  with 
Maiim  Buckey,  than  whom  there  never  was  a  woman  who  had  a 
keener  Eye  for  business  or  a  finer  Scent  for  a  Rogue. 

She  made  me  her  Book-keeper  for  the  Washing  Department. 
’Twas  no!  a  very  dignified  Employment  for  one  that  had  been  a 
young  Gentleman,  but  ’twas  vastly  better  than  the  Fate  of  one  who, 
but  for  a  mere  Accident,  might  have  been  a  young  Slave.  So  I  kept 
Maum  Buckey ’s  Books,  teaching  myself  how  to  do  so  featly  from  a 
Ready  Reckoner  and  Accomptant’s  Assistant  (Mr.  Cocker’s),  which 
I  bought  at  a  Book-store  in  Kingston.  The  work  was  pretty  hard, 
and  the  old  Dame  of  the  Tub  kept  me  tightly  enough  at  it;  but 
when  work  was  over  she  was  very  kind  to  me,  and  we  had  the  very 
best  of  living:  ducks  and  geese  and  turkeys  and  pork  (of  which  the 
Mulotter  women  are  inordinately  fond,  although  I  never  could  rec¬ 
oncile  to  myself  how  their  stomachs,  in  so  hot  a  climate,  could 
endure  so  .Luscious  a  Food);  fish  of  the  primest  from  the  Harbor  of 
Port  Royal,  lobsters  and  crabs  and  turtle  (which  is  as  cheap  as 
Tripe  with  us,  and  so  plentiful,  that  the  Niggers  will  sometimes 
disdain  to  eat  it,  though  ’tis  excellent  served  as  soup  in  the  creat¬ 
ure’s  own  shell,  and  a  most  digestible  Viand);  to  say  nothing  of 
bananas,  shaddock,  mango,  plantains,  and  the  many  delicious  fruits 


130 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


and  vegetables  of  that  Fertile  Colony;  where,  if  the  land-breeze  in 
the  morning  did  not  half  choke  you  with  harsh  dust,  and  the  sea- 
breeze  in  the  afternoon  pierce  you  to  the  marrow  with  deadly  chills, 
and  if  one  could  abstain  from  surfeits  of  fruits  and  over-drinking 
of  the  too  abundant  ardent  spirits  of  the  country,  a  man  might  live 
a  very  jovial  kind  of  life.  However,  I  was  young  and  healthy,  and, 
though  never  a  shirk  of  my  glass  in  after-day,  prudently  moder¬ 
ate  in  my  Potations.  During  four  years  that  I  passed  in  the  island 
of  Jamaica  (one  of  the  brightest  jewels  in  the  British  Crown,  and  as 
Loyal,  I  delight  to  say,  as  I  am  myself),  I  don’t  think  I  had  the 
Yellow  Fever  more  than  three  times,  and  at  last  grew  as  tough  as 
leather,  and  could  say  Bo  to  a  land-crab  (how  many  a  White  Man’s 
carcass  have  those  crabs  picked  clean  at  the  Palisadoes!),  as  though 
1  feared  him  no  more  than  a  Green  Goose. 

It  may  be  fitting  here  that  I  should  say  something  about  that 
Abominable  Curse  of  Negro  Slavery,  which  was  then  so  Familiar 
and  Unquestioned  a  Thing  in  all  our  Colonies,  that  its  innate  and 
Detestable  Wickedness  was  scarcely  taken  into  account  in  men’s 
minds.  Speaking  only  by  the  Card,  and  of  that  which  I  saw  with 
my  own  eyes,  I  don’t  think  that  Maum  Buckey  was  any  crueler 
than  other  slave-owners  of  her  class;  for  ’tis  well  known  that  the 
Mulotter  women  are  far  more  severe  task-mistresses  than  the 
Whites.  But,  Lord!  Whites  and  colored  people,  who  in  the  West 
Indies  are  permitted,  when  free,  to  own  their  fellow- creatures  who 
are  only  a  shade  darker  in  color  than  they,  left  little  to  choose  be¬ 
twixt  on  the  score  of  cruelty.  When  1  tell  you  that  I  have  seen 
Slave  Women  and  Girls  chained  to  the  washing-tub,  their  naked 
bodies  all  one  gore  of  blood  from  the  lashes  of  the  whip;  that  on 
the  public  wharf  at  Kingston  I  have  seen  a  Negro  man  drawn  up 
by  his  hands  to  a  crane  used  for-  lifting  merchandise,  while  his  toes, 
that  barely  touched  the  ground,  were  ballasted  with  a  thirty-pound 
weight,  and,  in  that  Trim,  beaten  with  the  Raw  Hide  or  with 
Tamarind-Bushes  till  you  could  lay  your  two  fingers  in  the  furrows 
made  by  the  whip  (with  which  expert  Scourgineers  boast  they  can 
lay  deep  ruts  in  a  Deal  Board),  or  else  I  have  seen  the  poor  Miser¬ 
able  Wretch  the  next  day  lying  on  his  face  on  the  Beach,  and  a 
Comrade  taking  the  prickles  of  the  Tamarind  Stubs,  which  are 
tempered  in  the  Fire,  and  far  worse  than  English  Tliornbushes,  out 
of  his  back — you  may  imagine  that  ’twas  no  milk-and-  water  Regi¬ 
men  that  the  slaves  in  the  West  Indies  had  to  undergo  at  the  hands 
of  their  Hard  masters  and  mistresses.  Also,  I  have  known  slaves 
taken  to  the  Sick-House  or  Hospital,  so  dreadfully  mangled  with 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


131 


unmerciful  correction  as  for  their  wounds  to  be  one  mass  of  putre¬ 
faction,  and  they  shortly  do  give  up  the  Ghost;  while,  at  other 
times,  I  have  seen  unfortunate  creatures  that  had  been  so  lacerated, 
both  back  and  front,  as  to  be  obliged  to  crawl  about  on  All  Fours. 
Likewise  have  I  seen  Negro  men,  Negro  women,  yea,  and  Negro 
children,  with  iron  collars  and  prongs  aboil  t  their  necks;  with  logs 
riveted  to  their  legs,  with  their  Ears  torn  off,  their  Nostrils  slit, 
their  Cheeks  branded,  and  otherwise  most  frightfully  Mutilated. 
Item,  I  have  knowm  at  the  dinner-table  of  a  Planter  of  wTealth  and 
repute,  the  Jumper,  or  Public  Flogger,  to  come  in  and  ask  if  Mas¬ 
ter  and  Missee  had  any  commands  for  him;  and,  by  the  order  of 
the  Lady  of  the  House,  take  out  two  Decent  Women  that  had  been 
waiting  at  Table,  and  give  them  fifty  lashes  apiece  on  the  public 
parade,  every  stroke  drawing  Blood  and  bringing  Flesh  with  it,  and 
they,  when  all  was  over,  embracing  and  thanking  him  for  their 
Punishment,  as  was  the  custom  of  the  Colony.*  Item,  within  my 
own  knowledge  have  I  been  made  familiar  with  many  acts  of  the 
Deepest  Barbarity.  Mistresses,  for  Jealousy  or  Caprice,  pouring 
boiling-water  or  hot  melted  Sealing-Wax  oil  their  slave-girls’  flesh 
after  they  have  suffered  the  worst  Tortures  of  the  whip;  and  white 
Ladies  of  Education  rubbing  Cayenne  pepper  into  the  eyes  of 
Negroes  wrho  had  offended  them,  or  singeing  the  tenderest  parts  of 
their  limbs  with  sticks  of  fire.  And  of  one  horrid  instance  have  I 
heard  of  Malignant  and  Hellish  revenge  in  Two  Ladies  who  were 
Sisters  (and  bred  at  a  Fine  Boarding-School  in  England),  wiio,  hav¬ 
ing  a  spite  against  a  yellow  woman  that  attended  on  them,  did  tie 
her  hands  and  feel ,  and  so  beat  her  nearly  to  death  with  the  heels 
of  their  slippers;  and  not  satisfied  with  that,  or  with  laving  her 
gashed  body  with  Vinegar  and  Chillies,  did  send  for  a  Negro  man, 
and  bid  him,  under  threats  of  punishment,  strike  (  ut  two  of  the 
Victim’s  teeth  with  a  punch,  which,  to  the  shame  of  Human 
Womanhood,  wras  done. 

But  enough  of  these  Horrors: — not  the  worst  that  I  have  seen, 
though,  in  the  course  of  my  Adventures;  only  I  will  not  further 
sicken  you  with  the  Recital  of  the  Sufferings  inflicted  on  the 
Wretched  Creatures  by  Ladies  and  Gentlemen,  wiio  had  had  the 
first  breeding,  and  went  to  Church  every  Sunday.  I  have  merely 
set  down  these  dreadful  things  to  work  out  the  theory  of  my  Belief, 

*  That  which  I  have  made  Captain  Dangerous  relate  in  fiction  will  be  found 
narrated,  act  for  act,  and  nearly  word  for  word,  in  the  very  unromantic  evi¬ 
dence  given  before  the  first  parliamentary  committee  on  slavery  and  the  slave- 
trade  moved  for  by  Mr.  Clarkson. — Ed. 


1 32 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


that  the  World  is  growing  Milder  and  more  Merciful  every  day; 
and  that  the  Barbarities  which  were  once  openly  practiced  in  the 
broad  sunshine,  and  without  e’er  a  one  lifting  finger  or  wagging 
tongue  against  them,  are  becoming  rarer  and  rarer,  and  will  soon 
be  Impossible  of  Commission.  The  unspeakable  Miseries  of  the 
Middle  Passage  (of  which  I  have  been  an  eye-witness)  exist  no 
more;  really  Humane  and  Charitable  Gentlemen,  not  such  False 
Rogues  and  Kidnappers  as  your  Hopwoods,  are  bestirring  them¬ 
selves  in  Parliament  and  elsewhere  to  better  the  Dolorous  Condi¬ 
tion  of  the  Negro;  and  although  it  may  be  a  Decree  of  Providence 
that  the  children  of  Ham  are  to  continue  always  slaves  and  servants 
to  their  white  brethren,  I  see  every  day  that  men’s  hearts  are  being 
more  and  more  benevolently  turned  toward  them,  and  that  laws, 
ere  long,  will  be  made  to  forbid  their  being  treated  worse  than  the 
beasts  that  perish. 


CHAPTER  THE  ELEVENTH. 

OF  OTHER  MY  ADVENTURES  UNTIL  MY  COMING  TO  BE  A  MAN. 

Thus  in  a  sultry  colony,  among  Black  Negroes  and  their  cruel 
Taskmasters,  and  I  the  clerk  to  a  Mulotter  Washer- woman,  did  I 
come  to  be  full  sixteen  years  of  age,  and  a  stalwart  Lad  of  my 
inches.  But  for  that  Fate,  which  from  the  first  irrevocably  decreed 
that  mine  was  to  be  a  Roving  Life,  almost  to  its  end,  I  might  have 
continued  in  the  employ  of  Maum  Buckey  until  Manhood  overtook 
me.  The  Dame  was  not  unfavorable  toward  me;  and,  without 
vanity,  may  I  say  that,  had  I  waited  my  occasion,  ’tis  not  unlikely 
but  that  I  might  have  married  her,  and  become  the  possessor  of  her 
plump  Money-Bags,  full  of  Moidores,  pilar  Dollars,  and  pieces  of 
Eight.  Happily  I  was  not  permitted  so  to  disparage  my  lineage, 
and  put  a  coffee  colored  blot  on  my  escutcheon.  No,  my  Lilias  is 
no  Mulotter  Quartercaste.  ’Twas  my  roving  propensity  that  made 
me  set  but  little  store  by  the  sugar-eyes  and  Molasses -speech  which 
Madame  Soapsuds  was  not  loath  to  bestow  on  me,  a  tall  and  likely 
Lad.  I  valued  her  sweetness  just  as  though  it  had  been  so  much 
cane-trash.  With  much  impatience  I  had  wTaited  for  the  coming 
back  of  my  friendly  skipper,  that  he  might  advise  me  as  to  my 
future  career.  But,  as  I  have  already  warned  the  Reader,  it  was 
fated  that  I  was  to  see  that  kindly  ship-master  no  more.  Once,  in¬ 
deed,  the  old  ship  came  into  Port  Royal,  and  right  eagerly  did  I 
take  boat  and  board  her.  But  her  name  had  been  changed  from 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


133 


"The  Humane  Hop  wood  ”  to  "The  Protestant  Pledge."  She 
was  in  the  Guinea  trade  now,  and  brought  Negroes,  poor  souls,  to  • 
slave  in  our  Plantations.  The  Mariner  that  was  her  commander 
had  but  dismal  news  to  tell  me  of  my  friendly  Handsell.  He,  re¬ 
turning  to  the  old  country,  had,  it  seems,  a  Mighty  Quarrel  with  his 
Patron— and  my  Patron  too,  forsooth — Villain  Hop  wood.  Whether 
he  had  reproached  him  with  his  treachery  to  me  or  not,  I  know  not;  • 
but  it  is  certain  that  both  parted  full  of  Wrath  and  High  Disdain, 
and  each  swearing  to  be  the  Ruin  of  the  other.  But  Gold  had,  as 
it  has  always  in  a  Mammon-ridden  world,  the  longest,  strongest 
pull.  Devil  Hopwood  found  it  easy  to  get  the  better  of  a  poor  un¬ 
lettered  tarpaulin,  that  knew  well  enough  the  way  into  a  Wapping 
Alehouse,  but  quite  lost  himself  in  threading  the  mazes  of  a  great 
man's  Antechamber.  ’Tis  inconceivable  how  much  dirty  work 
there  was  done  in  my  young  days  between  Corinthian  columns  and 
over  Turkey  carpets,  and  under  ceilings  painted  by  Verrio  and 
Laguerre.  Sir  Basil,  I  believe,  went  to  a  great  man,  and  puts  a 
hundred  guineas  into  the  hands  of  his  Gentleman — by  which  I  mean 
his  Menial  Servant,  save  that  he  wore  no  Livery;  but  there’s  many 
a  Base  wretch  hath  his  soul  in  plush,  and  the  Devil’s  aiguilettes  on 
his  heart.  How  much  out  of  the  Hundred  my  Lord  took,  and 
ho.w  much  his  Gentleman  kept,  it  serves  not  to  inquire.  They 
struck  a  Bargain,  and  short  was  the  Time  before  Ruin  came  swoop¬ 
ing  down  on  Captain  Handsell.  He  had  gone  into  the  Channel 
trade;  and  they  must  needs  have  him  excliequered  for  smuggling 
brandies  and  lace  from  St.  Malo’s.  Quick  on  this  follows  a  criminal 
Indictment,  from  which,  as  a  Fool,  he  Hies;  for  he  might  at  least 
have  threatened  to  say  damaging  things  of  Brute  Basil  in  the  dock, 
and  have  made  terms  with  him  before  trial  came  on.  And  then  he 
must  needs  take  command  of  a  miserable  lugger  that  fetched  and 
carried  between  Deal  and  Dunquerque — the  old,  old,  sorry,  tinpot 
business  of  kegs  of  strong  waters,  and  worse  contraband  in  the  guise 
of  Jacobite  dispatches.  To  think  of  brave  men’s  lives  being  risked 
in  these  twopenny  errands,  and  a  heart  of  Oak  brought  to  the  gal¬ 
lows,  that  clowns  may  get  drunk  the  cheaper,  or  traitors — for  your 
Jacobite  conspirators  were  but  liandy-dandy  Judases,  now  to  King 
James  and  now  to  King  George — exchange  their  rubbishing  ciphers 
the  easier.  It  drives  me  wild  to  think  of  these  pinchbeck  enter¬ 
prises.  If  a  man’s  tastes  lead  him  toward  the  Open,  the  Bold, 
and  the  Free,  e’en  let  him  ship  himself  off  to  a  far  climate,  the 
hotter  the  better,  where  Prizes  are  rich,  and  the  King’s  writ  on 
Assault  and  Battery  runneth  not — nor  for  a  great  many  other  things 


134 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


ayont  Assault  and  Battery — and  where,  up  a  snug  creek,  of  wdiicli 
he  knows  the  pilotage  well,  he  may  give  a  good  account  of  a  King’s 
ship  when  he  finds  her.  He  who  does  anything  contrair  to  English 
law  within  five  hundred  leagues  of  an  English  lawyer  or  an  En¬ 
glish  law-court  is  a  very  Ass  and  Dolt.  Fees  and  costs  will  have 
their  cravings;  and  from  the  process-server  to  the  Hangman  all 
will  have  their  due.  Give  me  an  offing,  where  there  is  no  law  but 
that  of  the  strong  hand  and  the  bold  Heart.  Any  sharks  but  land- 
sharks  for  John  Dangerous.  I  never  see  a  parchment- visaged,  fee- 
clutcliing  limb  of  the  law  but  I  long  to  beat  him,  and,  if  I  had  him 
on  blue  water,  to  trice  him  up  higher  than  ever  he  went  before. 
But  for  a  keg  of  brandy!  But  fora  packet  of  treason-papers!  Shame! 
’tis  base,  ’tis  idiotic.  And  this  did  the  unlucky  Handsell  find  to  his 
cost.  I  believe  he  was  slain  in  a  midnight  affray  with  some  Biding 
Officers  of  the  Customs  close  unto  Deal,  about  two  years  after  his 
going  iuto  a  D  ade  that  was  as  mean  as  it  was  perilous. 

So  no  more  Hope  for  me  from  that  quarter.  The  skipper  of 
“  The  Protestant  Pledge  ”  would  have  retained  me  on  board  for  a 
Carouse;  but  I  had  too  much  care  for  my  Head  and  my  Liver  for 
such  prant  s,  and  went  back,  as  dolefully  as  might  be,  to  keep  Maum 
Buckey’s  washing-books.  I  chafed  at  the  thought  that  I  could  do 
.no  more.  I  told  her  the  grim  news  I  had  heard  of  her  brother-in- 
law,  whereat  she  wept  somewhat;  for  where  Whites  were  concerned 
she  was  not  a  hard-hearted  woman.  But  she  cheered  up  speedily, 
saying  that  Sam  he  had  come  to  as  sorry  an  end,  and  that  she  sup¬ 
posed  there  was  but  one  way  with  the  Handsells,  Rum  and  Riot 
being  generally  their  Ruin. 

As  it  is  one  of  the  failings  of  youth  not  to  know  when  it  is  well 
off,  and  to  grow  A- weary  even  of  continued  prosperity,  I  admit  that 
the  life  I  led  palled  upon  me,  and  that  I  longed  to  change  it.  But 
it  was  not,  all  things  considered,  so  very  unpleasant  a  one.  True, 
the  employment  was  a  sorry  one,  and  utterly  beneath  the  dignity 
of  a  Gentleman,  such  as  bearing  fardels  in  the  streets  or  unloading 
casks  and  bales  at  the  wharf,  for  instance.  But  it  is  in  man’s  nat¬ 
ure  never  to  be  satisfied,  and  when  he  is  well,  to  long  to  be  better, 
and  so,  by  force  of  striving,  to  tumble  into  a  Hole,  where  indeed  he 
is  at  the  Best,  for  he  is  Dead.  At  this  distance  of  time,  though  I 
have  many  comforts  around  me — Worldly  Goods,  a  Reputable 
name,  my  Child,  and  her  Husband — I  still  look  back  on  my  old 
life  in  Jamaica,  and  confess  that  Providence  dealt  very  mercifully 
with  me  in  those  by-gone  days.  For  I  had  enough  to  eat  and  to 
drink,  and  a  Mistress  who,  though  Passionate  and  Quarrelsome 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


135 


enough  by  times,  was  not  unkind.  If  she  would  swear,  she  would 
also  tender  gentle  Language  upon  occasion;  and  if  she  would  throw 
things,  she  was  not  backward  in  giving  one  a  dollar  to  heal  one’s 
pate.  An  odd  life  it  was,  truly.  There  was  very  little  of  that  mag¬ 
nificence  about  the  town  of  Port  Royal  in  my  days  which  I  have 
heard  the  Creoles  to  boast  about.  It  may  have  been  handsome 
enough  in  the  Spaniard’s  Reign,  or  in  King  Charles  the  Second’s; 
'  but  I  have  heard  that  its  most  comely  parts  had  been  swallowed  up 
by  an  Earthquake,  and,  when  I  remember  it,  the  Main  thorough¬ 
fare  was  like  nothing  half  so  much  as  the  Fag  End  of  Kent  Street 
in  the  Borough,  where  Ihe  Broom-men  live.  As  for  public  scav¬ 
engers — human  at  least — there  were  none;  for  that  salutary  prac¬ 
tice  of  putting  rebellious  Blacks  into  chain-gangs,  and  making  them 
sweep  the  streets — which  might  be  well  done  in  London  with  Pick¬ 
pockets  and  the  like  trash,  to  their  souls’  health  and  the  benefit  of 
the  Body-politic — did  not  then  obtain.  The  only  way  of  clearing 
'  the  offal  was  by  the  obscene  birds  that  flew  down  from  the  hills; 
Messieurs  the  land-crabs,  who  were  assuredly  the  best  scavengers  of 
all,  not  stirring  beyond  the  palisadoes.  Some  things  were  very 
cheap,  but  others  inordinately  dear.  Veal  was  at  a  prodigious  price; 
and  ’twas  a  common  saying,  that  you  could  buy  Four  children  in 
England  cheaper  than  you  could  one  calf  in  Jamaica.  But  for  the 
products  and  dishes  of  the  colony,  which  I  have  elsewhere  hinted 
at,  all  was  as  low-priced  as  it  was  abundant.  What  droll  names 
did  they  give,  too,  unto  their  fish  and  flesh  and  fowl!  How  often 
have  you  in  England  heard  of  Crampos,  Bonettas,  Ringrays,  Alba- 
coras,  and  Sea- adders,  among  fish;  of  Noddies  and  Boobies  and 
Pitternells  and  Sheerwaters  among  birds?  And  Calialou  Soup,  and 
Pepperpot  to  break  your  Fast  withal  in  the  morning,  and  make 
you  feel,  ere  you  got  accustomed  to  that  Fiery  victual,  like  a  Sala¬ 
mander  for  some  hours  afterward. 

Now  and  then  also,  with  some  other  young  white  folks  with 
whom  I  had  stricken  up  acquaintance — clerks,  storekeepers,  and  the 
like — would  we  seek  out  the  dusky  beauties  of  the  town  in  their 
own  quarters,  and  shake  a  leg  at  their  Dignity  Routs,  Blackamoor 
Drums,  and  Pumpkin-Faced  Assemblies,  or  by  wliat  other  name 
the  poor  Black  wretches  might  choose  to  call  their  uproarious 
_  merry-makings.  There,  in  some  shed,  all  hustled  together  as  a 
Moorfields  Sweetener  does  luck  in  a  bag,  would  be  a  mob  of  men 
and  women  Negroes,  all  dressed  in  their  bravest  finery,  although 
little  of  it  was  to  be  seen  either  on  their  Backs  or  their  Feet,  the 
Head  being  the  part  of  their  Bodies  which  they  chiefly  delight  to 


136 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


ornament.  Such  ribbons  and  owches,  such  gay-colored  rags  and 
blazing  tatters,  would  they  assume,  and  to  the  Trips  and  Rounds 
played  to  them  by  some  Varlet  of  a  black  fiddler,  with  his  hat  at  a 
prodigious  cock,  and  mounted  on  a  Tub,  like  unto  the  sign  of  the 
Indian  Bacchus  at  the  Tobacconist’s,  would  they  dance  and  stamp 
and  foot  it  merrily — with  plenty  of  fruit,  salt  fish,  pork,  roasted 
plantain,  and  so  forth,  to  regale  themselves  withal,  not  forgetting 
punch  and  sangaree — quite  forgetful,  poor  mercurial  wretches,  for 
the  time  being  of  Fetters  and  the  Scourge  and  the  Driver  that  would 
hurry  them  to  their  dire  labor  the  morrow  morn.  Surely  there 
never  did  exist  so  volatile,  light-spirited,  feather-brained  a  race  as 
these  same  Negro  Blacks.  They  will  whistle  and  crack  nuts,  ay, 
and  dance  and  sing  to  the  music  of  the  Fiddle  or  the  Banjar  an 
hour  after  the  skin  lias  been  half  flayed  off  their  backs.  They 
seem  to  bear  no  particular  Malice  to  their  Tormentors,  so  long  as 
their  weekly  rations  of  plantain,  yam,  or  salt  fish,  be  not  denied 
them,  and  that  they  have  Osnaburgs  enow  to  make  them  shirts  and 
petticoats  to  cover  themselves  withal.  Give  them  but  these,  and 
their  dance  at  Christmas  time,  with  a  kind  word  thrown  to  them 
now  and  again,  just  as  you  would  fling  a  marrow-bone  to  a  dog,  and 
they  will  get  along  well  enough  in  slavery,  almost  grinning  at  its 
Horrors  and  making  light  of  its  unutterable  Woes.  I  never  saw  so 
droll  a  people  in  my  life.  Nor  is  it  the  less  astonishing  thing  about 
them  that,  beneath  all  this  seeming  liglit-heartedness  and  jollity, 
there  often  lies  smoldering  a  Fire  of  the  Fiercest  passion  and  black¬ 
est  revenge.  The  dark-skinned  fellow  who  may  be  flapping  the 
flies  away  from  you  in  the  morning,  and  bearing  your  kicks  and 
cuffs  as  though  they  were  so  many  cates  and  caresses,  may,  in  the 
evening,  make  one  in  a  circle  of  Heathen  monsters  joined  together 
to  listen  to  the  Devilish  Incantations  of  the  Obeah  man — to  mingle 
in  ceremonies  most  hideous  and  abominable,  and  of  which  perhaps 
that  of  swearing  eternal  Hatred  to  the  White  Race  over  a  calabash 
that  is  made  out  of  the  skull  of  a  new-born  Babe,  and  filled  with 
Dirt,  Rum,  and  Blood  mixed  together,  is  perchance  the  least  hor¬ 
rid.  And  yet  I  don’t  think  the  unhappy  creatures  are  by  nature 
either  treacherous,  malicious,  or  cruel.  ’Tis  only  when  the  fit  seizes 
them.  Like  the  Elephants,  the  idea  suddenly  comes  over  them  that 
they  are  wronged — that  ’tis  the  White  Man  who  has  wrought  them 
all  these  evils;  and  that  they  are  bround  to  Trample  him  to  pieces 
without  more  ado.  But  ’tis  all  done  in  a  capricious,  cobweb-headed 
manner;  and  on  the  morrow  they  are  as  quiet  and  good-tempered 
as  may  be.  Then,  just  as  suddenly,  will  come  over  them  a  fit  of 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


13? 


despondency,  or  dark,  dull,  brooding  Melancholy.  If  they  are  at 
sea,  they  will  cast  themselves  into  the  waves  and  swim  right  toward 
the  sharks,  whose  jaws  are  yawning  to  devour  them.  If  they  are 
on  dry  land,  they  will,  for  daj^s  together,  refuse  all  food,  or  worse 
still,  go  dirt-eating,  stuffing  themselves  with  clay  till  they  have  the 
mal  (Vestomac,  and  so  die;  this  mol,  of  which  our  English  stomach¬ 
ache  gives  no  valid  translation  (which  must  prove  my  excuse  for 
placing  here  a  foreign  word),  being,  with  the  Yaws,  their  most  fre¬ 
quent  and  fatal  complaint.  Of  a  less  perplexing  nature  also  are 
thier  tits  of  the  Sulks,  when,  for  more  than  a  week  at  a  time,  they 
will  remain  wholly  mute  and  intractably  obstinate,  folding  their 
arms  or  squatting  on  their  hams,  and  refusing  either  to  move  or 
speak,  whatsoever  threats  may  be  uttered  or  enforced  against  them, 
and  setting  no  more  store  by  the  deep  furrowing  cuts  of  the  Cow¬ 
hide  whip  (that  will  make  marks  in  a  deal  board,  if  well  laid  on, 
the  which  I  have  often  seen)  than  by  the  buzzings  of  a  Shambles 
Fly.  They  had  many  ways  of  treating  these  tits  of  the  sulks  in  my 
time,  all  of  them  cruel,  and  none  of  them  successful.  One  was, 
to  set  the  poor  wretches  in  the  stocks  or  the  bilboes,  rubbing  chillies 
into  their  eyes  to  keep  them  from  goingto  sleep.  Another  was  a  dose 
of  the  Fire-cane,  as  it  was  called,  which  was  just  a  long  paddle,  or 
slender  oar,  pierced  with  holes  at  the  broadest  part,'  with  the  which 
the  patient  being  belabored,  a  blister  on  the  flesh  rose  to  each  hole 
of  the  Paddle.  A  curious  method,  and  one  much  followed;  but 
the  Negroes  sulked  all  the  more  for  it.  There  was  a  Dutchwoman 
from  Surinam,  who  had  brought  with  her  from  that  plantation  of 
the  Hollanders  that  highly  Ingenious  Mode  of  Torment  known  as 
the  “  Spanso  Bocko.”*  The  manner  of  it  was  this.  You  took 
your  Negro  and  tied  him  wrists  and  ankles,  so  bending  him  into  a 
neat  curve.  Then,  if  his  spine  did  not  crack  the  while,  you  thrust 
a  stake  between  his  legs,  and  having  thus  comfortably  Trussed 
him,  pullet  fashion,  you  laid  him  on  the  ground  one  side  upward, 
and  at  your  leisure  scarified  him  from  one  cheek  to  one  heel  with 
any  instrument  of  Torture  that  came  handy.  Then  he  (or  she,  did 
not  at  all  matter  in  the  Dutchwoman’s  esteem),  being  one  gore  of 
■welts  and  gashes,  was  thought  to  be  Done  enough  on  one  side,  and 
consequently  required  Doing  t’other.  So  one  that  stood  by  to  help 
just  took  hold  of  the  stake  and  turned  the  Human  Pullet  over,  and 
then  he  was  so  thoroughly  basted  as  sometimes  to  be  Done  a  little 
too  much,  often  dying  on  the  spot  from  that  Rib  wasting.  Oh,  it 


*  Vide  Steelman's  “  Surinam.” 


138 


CAPTAIN"  DANGEROUS. 


was  rare  sport!  I  wonder  whereabouts  in  the  nethermost  Hell  the 
cunning  Dutchman  is  now  who  first  devised  this  torment;  also  the 
Dutchwoman  who  practiced  it?  I  can  fancy  Signor  Beelzebub 
and  his  Imps  taking  a  keen  delight  in  their  application  of  the 
Spanso  Bocko.  The  which  I  never  knew  cure  a  Negro  of  the  sulks. 
They  would  force  back  their  tongues  into  their  gullets  while  the 
torment  was  going  on,  determined  not  so  much  as  to  utter  a  moan, 
and,  having  a  peculiar  Art  that  way,  brought  by  them  from  their 
own  country,  would  often  contrive  to  suffocate  themselves  and  Ex¬ 
pire.  Their  own  country!  That  is  what  one  of  the  miserable  be¬ 
ings  said  when,  being  threatened  with  torment  of  a  peculiarly  out¬ 
rageous  nature,  he  flung  himself  into  a  caldron  of  boiling  sugar, 
and  was  scalded  to  death  on  the  instant.  Let  me  not  omit  to  men¬ 
tion  while  I  am  on  this  chapter  of  Brutality — wreaked  by  Christian 
men  upon  poor  Heathen  savages,  for  many  of  them  were  not  many 
weeks  from  Guinea  and  Old  Calabar,  where  they  had  been  worship¬ 
ing  Mumbo  Jumbo,  and  making  war  upon  one  another  in  their 
own  Pagan  fashion — that  I  have  known  Planters  even  more  refined 
in  their  cruelty.  They  would  make  their  slaves  drink  salt  water, 
and  then  set  them  out  in  the  hot  sun  tied  to  the  outside  posts  of  the 
Piazza.  The  end  of  that  was,  that  they  went  Raving  Mad,  gnaw¬ 
ing  their  Tongues  and  poor  blubberous  Lips  to  pieces  *  before  they 
died.  Another  genius,  who  was  a  proficient  in  his  Humanities, 
and  quite  of  a  classic  frame  of  mind  in  his  cruelties,  bethought 
himself  of  a  mode  of  Torture  much  practiced  among  the  Ancient 
Persians,  and  so  must  needs  smear  the  body  of  an  unhappy  Negro 
all  over  with  molasses.  Then,  binding  him  fast  to  a  stake  in  the 
open,  the  flies  and  mosquitoes  got  at  him — for  he  wras  kept  there 
from  one  morning  until  the  next — and  he  presently  gave  up  the 
Ghost.  But  nothing  that  I  ever  saw  or  heard  of  during  the  time 
of  my  living  in  the  Western  Indies,  could  equal  the  Romantic  Tort¬ 
ure,  not  so  much  invented  as  imported,  by  a  Gentleman  Merchant; 
who  had  lived  among  the  islands  of  the  Grecian  Archipelago,  and 
whose  jocose  humor  it  was  to  imprison  his  women  slaves  in  loose 
garments  of  leather,  very  tightly  secured,  however,  at  the  wrists, 
neck,  and  ankles.  In  the  same  garments,  before  fastening  round 
the  limbs  of  the  victims,  one  or  more  infuriated  cats  were  intro¬ 
duced;  the  which  ferocious  animals,  playfully  disporting  themselves 
in  their  attempt  to  find  a  point  of  egress,  would  so  up  and  tear,  and 
mangle,  and  lacerate,  with  their  Terrible  claws,  the  flesh  of  the 


*  Dean  of  Myddelton’s  Evidence,  Clarkson’s  Committee. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


139 


sufferers,  that  not  all  the  Brine-washing  or  pepper-pod-rubbing  in 
the  world,  afterward  humanely  resorted  to  on  their  release  from 
their  leathern  sepulcher,  would  save  them  from  mortification.  There 
was  a  completeness  and  gusto  about  this  Performance  that  always 
made  me  think  my  Gentleman  Merchant  from  the  Greek  Islands  a 
very  Great  Mind.  The  mere  vulgar  imitations  of  his  Process  which, 
in  times  more  Modern,  I  have  heard  of — such  as  taking  an  angry  cat 
by  the  tail  and  drawing  its  claws  all  abroad  down  the  back  of  a 
Negro  strapped  on  to  a  plank,  so  making  a  map  of  all  the  rivers  in 
Tartarus  from  his  neck  to  his  loins— are,  in  my  holding,  beneath 
contempt.  There  is  positive  Genius  in  that  idea  of  sliutting-up  the 
cats  in  a  hide-bound  prison,  and  so  letting  them  work  their  own 
wills  on  the  inner  walls;  and  I  hope  my  Gentleman  Merchant  has 
as  warm  a  niche  in  Signor  Beelzebub’s  Temple  of  Fame,  as  the 
Great  Dutch  Philosopher  who  first  dreamed  of  the  Spanso  Bocko. 

Before  I  left  the  island  .of  Jamaica,  there  befell  me  an  adventure 
which  I  may  briefly  narrate.  It  being  the  sickly  season  and  very 
few  ships  in  port,  Maum  Buckey’s  business  was  somewhat  at  a 
stand-still,  and  with  little  difficulty  I  obtained  from  her  a  fort¬ 
night’s  holiday.  I  might  have  spent  it  with  no  small  pleasure,  and 
even  profit,  at  one  of  her  up-country  plantations,  or  at  the  Estate  of 
some  other  Planter;  for  I  had  friends  and  to  spare  ■among  the  white 
Overseers  and  Book-keepers;  and  although  the  Gentry — that  is  to 
say,  the  Enriched  Adventurers,  who  deemed  themselves  such — were 
of  course  too  High  and  Mighty  to  associate  with  one  of  my  Mean 
Station,  I  was  at  no  loss  for  companions  among  those  of  my  own 
degree.  So,  bent  upon  a  frolic,  and  being  by  this  time  a  good 
Rider  and  a  capital  shot,  I  joined  a  band  of  wild  young  Slips  like 
myself,  to  go  up  the  country  hunting  the  miserable  Negroes  that 
had  Marooned,  as  it  was  called.  These  Maroons  were  runaway 
slaves  who  had  bid  a  sudden  good-bye  to  Bolts  and  shackles,  whips 
and  rods,  and  shown  their  Tyrants  a  clean  pair  of  heels,  finding 
their  covert  in  the  dense  jungles  that  covered  the  mountain  slopes, 
where  they  lived  on  the  wild  animals  and  birds  they  could  shoot 
or  snare,  and  sometimes  making  descents  to  the  nearest  plantations, 
thence  to  carry  off  cattle,  ponies,  or  pigs,  or  whatever  else  they  could 
lay  their  felonious  hands  upon.  These  were  the  Blacks  again,  you 
will  say,  with  a  vengeance,  and  at  many  Thousand  Miles’  distance 
from  Charlwood  Chase;  but  those  poor  varlets  of  Deer-stealers  in 
England  never  dreamed  of  taking  Human  Life,  save  when  defend¬ 
ing  their  own,  in  a  fair  stand-up  Fight;  whereas  the  Maroons  had 
no  such  scruples,  and  spared  neither  age,  nor  sex,  nor  Degree — that 


140 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


had  a  white  skin — in  their  blood-thirsty  frenzy.  The  Savage  In¬ 
dians  in  the  American  plantations,  who  will  swoop  down  on  some 
peaceful  English  settlement,  slaying,  scalping,  and  Burning  up  men, 
women,  and  children — with  other  Horrors  and  Outrages  not  to  be 
described  in  decent  terms — are  just  on  a  par  with  these  black  Ma¬ 
roons.  Now  and  again  would  be  found  among  them  some  House¬ 
hold  Runaways,  or  Field  Hands  born  into  slavery  on  the  Planta¬ 
tions — and  these  were  most  useful  in  acting  as  spies  or  scouts;  but 
as  a  rule  the  Head  men  and  Boldest  Villains  among  the  Maroons 
were  Savage  Negroes,  just  fresh  from  Africa,  on  whom  the  bonds 
of  servitude  had  sat  but  for  a  short  time,  and  who  in  the  jungle 
were  as  much  at  Home  as  though  they  were  in  llieir  native  wilds 
again.  Of  great  stature,  of  prodigious  strength,  amazing  Agility, 
and  astounding  natural  cunning,  these  creatures  were  as  ferocious 
as  Wild  Baboons  that  had  lived  among  civilized  mankind  just  long 
enough  to  learn  the  Art  of  tiring  off  a  Gun  and  wielding  a  cutlass, 
instead  of  brandishing  a  Tree-branch  or  heaving  a  Cocoa-nut.  They 
were  without  Pity;  they  were  without  knowledge  that  theirs  was  a 
cut-throat,  nay,  a  cannibal  trade.  The  white  man  had  made  war  on 
them,  and  torn  them  from  their  Homes,  where  they  were  happy 
enough  in  their  Dirt  and  Grease,  their  War-paint,  and  their  idola¬ 
trous  worship  of  Obeah  and  Bungey.  ’Twas  these  Men-monsters 
that  we  went  to  hunt.  The  Planters  themselves  were  somewhat 
chary  of  dealing  with  them;  for  the  cruelties  which  the  Maroons 
inflicted  on  those  who  fell  into  their  power  were  Awful  alone  to  con¬ 
template,  much  more  so  to  Endure;  but  they  were  glad  enough 
when  any  gang  of  young  Desperadoes  of  the  meaner  white  sort — 
which,  speaking  not  for  myself,  1  am  inclined  to  believe  the  Mean¬ 
est  and  most  Despicable  of  any  sort  or  condition  of  Humanity — 
would  volunteer  to  go  on  a  Maroon  Hunt.  We  were  to  have  a 
Handsome  Recompense,  whether  our  enterprise  succeeded  or  failed; 
but  were  likewise  stimulated  to  increased  exertion  by  the  covenanted 
promise  of  so  many  dollars — I  forget  how  many  now — for  every 
head  of  a  Maroon  that  we  brought  at  our  saddlebows  to  the  place 
of  Rendezvous.  And  so  we  started  one  summer  morning,  some 
twenty  strong,  all  young,  valiant,  and  not  overscrupulous,  armed, 
I  need  scarcely  say,  to  the  teeth,  and  mounted  on  the  rough  but 
fleet  ponies  of  the  country. 

A  train  of  Negroes  on  whom  we  could  Depend — that  is,  by  the 
strict  application  of  the  law  of  Fear,  not  Kindness,  and  who  stood 
in  such  Terror  of  us,  and  of  our  ever- ready  Thongs,  Halters,  Pis¬ 
tols,  and  Cutlasses,  as  scarcely  to  dare  call  their  souls  their  own- 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


141 


followed  us  with  Sumpter  mules  well  laden  with  provisions,  kegs 
of  drink,  both  of  water  and  ardent,  and  additional  ammunition.  I 
was  full  of  glee  at  the  prospects  of  this  Foray,  vowed  that  it  was  a 
hundred  times  pleasanter  than  making  out  Maum  Buckey’s  wash 
ing-books,  and  hearing  her  scold  her  laundry -wenches;  and  longed 
to  prove  to  my  companions  that  the  Prowess  I  had  shown  at  twelve 
— ay,  and  before  that  age,  when  I  brained  the  Grenadier  with  the 
Demijohn — had  not  degenerated  now  that  I  was  turned  sixteen, 
and  far  away  from  my  own  country.  So  we  rode  and  rode,  who 
but  we,  and  dined  gayly  under  spreading  trees,,  boasting  of  the 
brave  deeds  we  would  do  when  we  had  tracked  the  black  Maroon¬ 
ing  Vagabonds  to  their  lair.  At  which  those  Negro  servants  upon 
whom  we  could  depend  grinned  from  ear  to  ear,  and  told  us  in 
their  lingo  that  they  “oped  we  would  sav  Dam  black  negar  tief 
out,  and  burn  his  Fader  like  canebrake.”  “  ’Tis  strange,”  I 
thought,  “  that  these  creatures  have  not  more  compassicn  for  their 
fellows  whom  we  are  hunting.”  To  be  sure,  they  were  mostly  of 
the  Household  breed,  between  whom  and  the  fresh-imported 
Negroes  held  to  field-service  there  is  little  sympathy.  It  escaped 
me  to  tell  you  that  we  had  with  us  yet  more  powerful  and  Trust¬ 
worthy  auxiliaries  than  either  our  arms,  our  Horses,  or  our  serv¬ 
ants;  being  none  other  than  nine  couples  of  ferocious  Blood-hounds, 
of  a  breed  now  extinct  in  Jamaica,  and  to  be  found  only  at  this 
present  moment,  I  believe,  in  the  island  of  Cuba.  These  animals, 
which  were  of  a  terrible  Ferocity  and  exquisitely  keen  scent,  were 
kept  specially  for  the  purpose  of  hunting  Maroons — such  are  the 
Engines  which  Tyrannical  Slavery  is  compelled  to  have  recourse 
to — and  were  purposely  deprived  of  food  beyond  that  necessary  for 
their  bare  sustenance,  that  they  might  more  fully  relish  the  Recom¬ 
pense  that  awaited  them  when  they  had  hunted  down  their  prey. 

Gayly  we  went  on  our  Road  rejoicing,  now  by  mere  bridle-paths, 
and  now  plunging  our  hardy  little  steeds  right  through  the  bristling 
underwood,  when  there  burst  upon  us  one  of  those  terrible  Torna¬ 
does,  or  Tempests  of  wind  and  rain,  so  common  in  the  Western 
Indies.  The  water  came  down  in  great  solid  sheets,  drenching  us 
to  the  skin  in  a  moment;  the  sky  was  lit  up  for  hundreds  of  miles 
round  by  huge  blasts  of  lurid  fire;  the  wind  tore  great  branches  off 
trees,  and  hurled  them  across  the  bows  of  our  saddles,  or  battered 
our  faces  with  their  soaked  leaves  or  sharp  prickles.  The  very 
Dogs  were  blinded  and  baffled  by  this  tremendous  protest  of  nature, 
and  in  the  very  midst  of  the  storm  there  broke  from  an  ambuscade 
a  band  of  Maroons,  three  times  as  strong  as  our  own,  who  fell  upon 


142 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


us  like  incarnate  Demons  as  they  were.  Our  hounds  had  found 
their  scent  long  before — just  after  dinner,  indeed — and  we  had  been 
following  it  for  some  two  hours — even  now  it  was  Reeking  close 
upon  us,  but  we  little  deemed  how  Near.  I  suppose  that  those 
Negro  Rascals,  whom  we  had  trusted  so  implicitly,  and  on  whom 
we  thought  that  we  could  depend  so  thoroughly,  had  Betrayed  us. 
This  was  the  second  time  in  my  short  Life  that  I  had  fallen  into  an 
Ambuscade;  and,  lo,  each  time  the  “  Blacks  ”  had  been  mixed  up 
with  my  misadventure. 

These  naked  Maroons  cared  nothing  about  the  Storm,  whose  tor 
rents  ran  off  their  well  oiled  carcasses  like  water  off  a  Duck’s  back. 
There  was  a  very  Devil  of  a  fight.  ’Twas  every  one  for  himself, 
and  the  Tempest  for  us  all.  The  Runaways  were  well  armed,  and 
besides  could  use  their  teeth  and  nails  to  better  advantage  than  many 
a  doughty  Fighting  man  can  use  his  weapons,  and  clawed  and  tore 
at  us  like  Wild  Beasts.  I  doubt  not  we  should  have  got  the  worst 
of  it  but  that  we  were  Mounted — and  a  Man  on  horseback  is  three 
times  a  Footman  in  a  Hand-to-Hand  encounter;  and  again,  that  our 
good  friends  the  blood-hounds,  that  had  been  scared  somewhat  at  the 
outset,  recovered  their  self-possession,  and  proceeded  each  to  pin 
his  Maroon,  and  to  rend  him  to  pieces  with  great,  deliberation.  In 
the  end,  that  is  to  say,  after  about  twenty-seven  minutes’  sharp 
tussling,  Dogs,  Horses,  and  Men  were  victorious;  and,  as  we  sur¬ 
veyed  the  scene  of  our  Triumph,  the  storm  had  spent  its  fury.  The 
black  clouds  cleared  away  as  suddenly  as  they  had  darkled  upon 
us;  the  Golden  Sun  came  out,  and  the  dreadful  scene  was  lit  up  in 
Splendor.  Above,  indeed,  it  was  all  Beauty  and  Peace,  for  Nature 
can  not  be  long  Angry.  The  trees  all  seemed  stemmed  and  sprayed 
with  glistering  jewels;  the  moisture  that  rose  had  the  tints  of  a 
hundred  Rainbows;  the  long  grass  flashed  and  waved;  the  many 
birds  in  the  boughs  began  to  sing  Hymns  of  Thankfulness  and  Joy. 
But  below,  ah,  me!  what  a  Dreadful  scene  of  blood  and  Carnage, 
and  Demoniac  revenge,  there  was  shown!  Of  our  band  we  had 
lost  three  Killed;  five  more  were  badly  Wounded;  and  there  was 
not  one  of  us  but  had  some  Hurt  of  greater  or  lesser  seriousness. 
We  had  killed  a  many  of  the  Maroons;  and  the  two  or  three  that 
had  escaped  with  Life,  albeit  most  grievously  gashed,  were  speedily 
put  out  of  their  misery.  Had  we  been  seeking  for  Runaway  house- 
servants,  we  might  have  taken  prisoners;  but  with  a  wild  African 
Maroon  this  is  not  serviceable.  The  only  thing  that  you  can  do 
with  him,  when  you  catch  him,  is  to  kill  him. 

The  Dead  Bodies  of  our  unfortunate  companions  were  laid  across 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


143 


the  sumpter  mule’s  back;  but  when  we  came  to  look  for  our  train 
of  dependable  Negroes,  we  found  that  all  save  three  had  fled.  These 
did  so  very  strongly  protest  their  Innocence,  and  plead  their  abid¬ 
ing  by  us  as  a  proof  thereof,  that  I  felt  half  inclined  to  hold  them 
blameless.  There  were  those  among  us,  however,  who  were  of  a 
far  different  opinion,  and  were  for  lighting  a  fire  of  branches  and 
Roasting  them  into  confession.  But  there  was  a  Scotch  gentleman 
among  us  by  the  name  of  Macgillicuddy,  who,  being  of  a  Practical 
turn  (as  most  of  his  countrymen  are,  and,  indeed,  Edinburgh  in 
Scotland  is  about  the  most  Practical  town  that  ever  I  was  in), 
pointed  out  that  we  were  all  very  Tired,  and  needed  Refreshment 
and  Repose;  that  the  task  of  Torturing  Negroes  gave  much  trouble 
and  consumed  more  time  (“  Aiblins  it’s  douce  wark,”  quoth  the 
Scotch  gentleman) ;  that  all  the  wood  about  was  sopped  wilh  wet 
(and  a  “  Dry  Roast’s  best,”  said  the  Scotch  Gentleman);  and  finally, 
that  the  thing  could  be  much  better  done  at  home,  where  we  had 
proper  Engines  and  Instruments  for  inflicting  Exquisite  Agony,  and 
proper  Slaves  to  administer  the  same.  So  that  for  the  nonce,  and 
for  our  own  Convenience,  we  were  Merciful,  and  promised  to  defer 
making  necessary  Inquisition,  by  means  of  Cowhide,  Tamarind 
bush,  and  Fire-cane,  until  our  return  to  the  Rendezvous. 

I  should  tell  you  1  hat  I  got  a  Hurt  in  my  hand  from  a  kind  of 
short  Chopper  or  Tommyhawk  that  one  of  the  Savages  carried. 
’Twas  fortunately  my  left  hand,  and  seeming  but  a  mere  scratch,  I 
thought  little  or  nothing  about  it.  But  at  the  end  of  the  second 
day  it  began  to  swell  and  swell  to  a  most  alarming  size  and  tumor¬ 
ous  discoloration,  the  inflammation  extending  right  up  my  arm, 
even  to  my  shoulder.  Then  it  was  agreed  on  all  sides  that  the 
blade  of  the  Tommyhawk  with  which  I  had  been  stricken  must 
have  been  anointed  with  some  subtle  and  deadly  Poison,  of  which 
not  only  the  Maroons  but  the  common  Household  and  Town  Negroes 
have  many,  preparing  them  themselves,  and  obstinately  refusing, 
whether  by  hope  of  Reward  or  fear  of  punishment,  to  reveal  the 
secret  of  their  components  to  the  Whites.  I  had  to  rest  at  the  nearest 
Plantation  to  our  battle-field;  and  the  Planter — who  had  been  a  cap¬ 
tain  in  the  Chevalier  de  St.  George’s  service  (the  old  one),  that  had 
come  out  here,  after  the  troubles  of  1715,  a  Banished  man,  but  had 
since  been  Pardoned,  and  had  taken  to  Planting,  and  grown  Rich — 
was  kind  enough  to  permit  me  to  be  taken  into  his  house  and  laid  in 
one  of  his  own  Guest-chambers,  where  I  was  not  only  tended  by  his 
own  Domestics,  but  was  sometimes  favored  with  the  attention  and 
sympathy  of  his  angelic  Wife,  a  young  woman  of  most  charming 


144 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


countenance  and  lively  manners,  most  cheerful,  pious,  and  Humane, 
taking  great  care  of  her  slaves,  physicking  them  frequently,  reading 
to  them  little  paper  books  written  by  persons  of  the  Nonconforming 
persuasion — a  kind  of  doctrine  that  I  never  could  abide — and  never 
suffering  them  to  be  whipped  upon  a  Sunday.  However,  I  grew 
worse;  whereupon  one  Mr.  Sprague,  that  set  up  for  surgeon,  but 
was  more  like  a  Boatswain  turned  Landsman  than  that,  or  than  a 
Horse,  came  to  me,  and  was  for  cutting  off  my  arm,  to  prevent 
mortification.  There  wrere  two  obstacles  in  the  way  of  this  opera¬ 
tion’s  performance;  the  first  being  that  Mr.  Sprague  had  no  proper 
instruments  by  him  beyond  a  fleam  and  a  syringe,  with  which,  and 
with  however  good  a  will,  you  can  scarcely  sever  a  Man’s  limb 
from  his  Body;  and  the  next,  that  Mr.  Sprague  was  not  sober. 
Love  for  a  young  widow  had  driven  him  to  drinking,  it  was  said; 
but  1  think  it  was  more  the  Love  of  Liquor  to  which  his  bibulous 
backslidings  were  owing.  ’Twas  lucky  for  me  that  he  had  nor 
saw  nor  tourniquet  with  him.  It  is  true  that  he  departed  in  quest 
of  some  Carpenter’s  Tools,  which  he  declared  would  do  the  job 
quite  well;  but,  again  to  my  good  luck,  the  carpenter  was  as  Rare 
a  pottlepot  as  he,  and  they  two  took  to  boiling  rum  in  a  calabash, 
and  drinking  of  it,  and  smoking  of  TobaccQ,  and  playing  at  Skim¬ 
ming  Dish  Hob,  Spie  the  Market,  Sliove-halfpenny,  Brag,  Put,  and 
Dilly  Dally,  and  other  games  that  reminded  them  of  the  old  country, 
for  days  and  nights  together;  so  that  the  old  Negro  woman  that  be¬ 
longed  to  the  carpenter,  seeing  them  gambling  and  drinking  in  the 
morning  just  as  she  had  left  them  drinking  and  gambling  the  over¬ 
night,  stared  with  amazement  like  a  Mouse  in  a  Throwster’s  mill. 
And  by  the  time  they  had  finished  their  Rouse  I  was-,  through 
Heaven’s  kindness  and  the  sagacity  of  a  Negro  nurse  named  Cub- 
jack,  cured.  This  woman,  it  is  probable,  knew  the  secret  of  the 
Poison  from  the  bitter  effects  of  which  I  was  suffering.  At  all 
events,  she  took  me  in  hand,  and  by  warm  fomentations  and  bath¬ 
ings,  and  some  outward  applications  of  herbs  and  anointed  band¬ 
ages,  reduced  the  swelling  and  restored  my  hand  to  its  proper  Form 
and  Hue.  At  the  end  of  the  w^eek  I  was  quite  cured,  and  able  to 
resume  my  journey  back  to  Kingston.  I  did  not  fail  to  express  my 
gratitude  to  the  hospitable  Planter  and  his  Lady,  and  I  gave  the 
Nurse  Cubjack  half  a  dollar  and  a  silver  tobacco-stopper  that  had 
been  presented  to  me  by  Maum  Buckey. 

As  a  perverse  destiny  would  have  it,  this  Tobacco-stopper,  this 
harmless  trinket,  was  the  very  means  of  my  losing  my  situation, 
and  parting  in  anger  from  my  Pumpkin-faced  Patroness.  Although 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


145 


I  was,  even  at  the  present  dating,  but  a  raw  lad,  she  took  it  into 
her  head  to  be  jealous  of  me,  and  all  about  this  silver  pipe-stopper. 
She  vowed  I  had  given  it  away  to  some  Quadroon  lass  up  country; 
she  would  not  hearken  to  my  protests  of  having  bestowed  it  upon 
the  nurse  who  had  saved  my  life;  and  indeed,  when,  at  my  in¬ 
stance,  inquiries  were  made,  Cubjack’s  replies  did  not  in  any  way 
bear  out  my  statement.  The  unhappy  creature,  who  had  probably 
sold  my  Tobacco-stopper  for  a  few  joes,  or  been  deluded  out  of  it 
by  the  Obeah  Man,  and  was  afraid  of  a  flogging  if  discovery  were 
made  thereof,  positively  denied  that  I  had  given  her  anything  be¬ 
yond  the  half-dollar.  You  see  that  these  Negroes  have  no  more 
idea  of  the  pernicious  quality  of  the  Sin  of  Lying  than  has  a  white 
European  shop-keeper  deluding  a  Lady  into  buying  of  a  lustring  or 
a  paduasoy;  and  see  what  similar  vices  there  are  engendered  among 
savages  and  Christian  folks  by  opposite  causes. 

We  had  a  fearful  war  of  words  together,  Maum  Buckey  and  my¬ 
self.  She  was  a  bitter  woman  when  vexed,  and  called  me  “  beggar 
buckra,”  “poor  white  trash,”  “tarn  lily  thief,”  and  the  like. 
Whereat  I  told  her  plainly  that  I  had  no  liking  for  her  lackered 
countenance,  and  that  she  was  a  mahogany-colored,  slave-driving 
old  curmudgeon,  that  in  England  would  be  shown  about  at  the 
fairs  for  a  penny  a  peep.  At  the  which  she  screamed  with  rage, 
and  threw  at  me  a  jug  of  sangaree.  Heavy  enough  it  was;  but  the 
old  lady  had  not  so  good  an  Aim  as  I  had  when  I  brained  the 
Grenadier  with  the  demijohn. 

We  had  little  converse  after  that.  There  were  some  wages  due, 
and  these  she  paid  me,  telling  me  that  I  might  “  go  to  de  Debbil,” 
and  that  i'f  she  ever  saw  me  again  she  hoped  it  would  be  to  see  me 
hanged.  I  could  have  got  Employment,  I  doubt  not,  in  Jamaica, 
or  in  some  other  of  the  islands;  but  I  was  for  the  time  sick  of  the 
Western  Indies,  and  was  resolved,  come  what  might,  to  tempt  my 
fortune  in  Europe.  A  desire  to  return  to  England  first  came  over 
me;  nor  am  I  ashamed  to  confess  that,  mingled  with  my  wish  to 
see  my  own  country  once  more,  was  a  Hope  that  I  might  meet  the 
Traitorous  Villain  Hopwood,  and  tell  him  to  his  teeth  what  a  false 
Deceiver  I  took  him  to  be.  You  see  how  bold  a  lad  can  be  when 
he  has  turned  the  corner  of  sixteen;  but  ’twas  always  so  with  John 
Dangerous. 

Some  difficulty,  nay,  considerable  obstacles,  I  encountered  in 
obtaining  a  ship  to  carry  me  to  Europe.  The  vindictive  yellow 
woman,  with  whom  (through  no  fault  of  my  own,  I  declare)  I  was 
in  disfavor,  did  so  pursue  me  with  her  Animosity  as  to  prejudice 


146 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


one  Sea  Captain  after  another  against  me;  and  it  was  long  ere  any 
would  consent  to  treat  with  me,  even  as  a  Passenger.  To  those  of 
my  own  nation  did  she  in  particular  speak  against  me  with  such 
virulence,  that  in  sheer  despite  I  abandoned  for  the  time  my  intention 
of  going  to  England,  and  determined  upon  making  for  some  other 
part  of  Europe,  where  I  might  push  my  fortune.  And  there  being 
in  port  early  in  the  winter  a  Holland  ship,  named  the  “  Gebruder,  ” 
which  was  bound  for  Ostend,  1  struck  a  bargain  with  the  skipper  of 
her,  a  decent  man,  whose  name  was  Van  Pjerboom,  and  prepared 
to  leave  the  colony,  in  which  I  had  passed  over  four  years  of  my 
Eventful  Life.  Some  friends  who  took  an  interest  in  me — the 
“  bright  English  lad,”  as  Ihey  called  me — and  who  thought  I  had 
been  treated  by  Maum  Buckey  with  some  unnecessary  degree  of 
Harshness,  made  up  a  purse  of  money  for  me,  by  which  I  was  en¬ 
abled  to  pay  my  Passage  Money  in  advance,  and  lay  in  a  slock  of 
Provisions  for  the  voyage;  for,  save  in  the  way  of  Schnapps, 
Cheeses,  and  Herrings,  the  Holland  ships  were  at  that  time  but  in- 
dilferently  well  Found.  When  everything  was  paid  I  found  that  I 
had  indeed  but  a  very  small  Surplus  remaining;  but  there  was  no 
other  way,  and  I  bade  adieu  to  the  Island  of  Jamaica,  as  I  thought, 
forever. 


CHAPTER  THE  TWELFTH. 

OP  WHAT  BEFELL  ME  IN  THE  LOW  COUNTRIES. 

I  landed,  after  a  long  and  tedious  voyage,  at  Ihe  Town  of  Os¬ 
tend,  it  being  the  Spring  time  of  the  year  1729,  with  Youth,  Health, 
a  strong  Frame,  and  a  comely  Countenance  (as  they  told  me),  in¬ 
deed,  but  with  just  two  Guineas  in  my  pouch  for  all  my  Fortune. 
Many  a  Lord  Mayor  of  London  has  begun  the  World,  ’tis  said, 
with  a  yet  more  slender  Provision  (I  wonder  what  Harpy  Hopwood 
had  to  begin  with)  and  Eighteenpence  would  seem  to  be  the  average 
of  Capital  Stock  for  an  Adventurer  that  is  to  heap  up  Riches. 
Still  I  seemed  to  have  made  my  Start  in  Life’s  Voyage  a  great  many 
times,  and  to  have  been  very  near  ending  with  more  than  once — 
witness  the  Aylesbury  Assizes.  Thus  I  felt  rather  Despondency 
than  Hope  at  being  come  almost  to  manhood,  and  but  to  a  beggarly 
Estate  of  Two-and-forty  shillings.  “  But,”  said  I,  “  courage,  Jack 
Dangerous;  thou  hast  strong  legs  and  valorous  Stomach;  at  least 
thou  needst  not  starve  (bar  cutpurses)  for  two-and-forty  days;  thou 
hast  a  knowledge  of  the  French  tongue  ”  (which  I  picked  up  from 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


147 


a  Huguenot  emigrant  from  Languedoc,  who  was  a  Barber  at  Kings¬ 
ton,  and  taught  me  for  well-nigh  nothing),  “and  art  cunning  of 
Fence.  Be  the  world  thine  Oyster,  as  the  Play-actor  has  it,  and 
e’en  open  it  with  thy  Spadapoint.”  In  this  not  unwholesome 
frame  of  mind  I  came  out  of  the  ship  “  Gebriider,”  and  set  foot  on 
the  Port  with  something  like  a  Defiance  of  Fortune’s  scurvy  tricks 
fermenting  within  me. 

The  Ship-master  recommended  me  to  a  very  cleanly  Tavern,  by 
the  sign  of  the  Red  Goose,  kept  in  the  Ganz-Straet,  by  a  widow 
woman  named  Giessens.  ’Twas  Goose  here,  Goose  there,  and 
Goose  everywhere,  so  it  seemed  with  this  good  Frau;  for  she  served 
Schiedam  at  the  sign  of  the  Goose,  and  she  lived  in  Goose  Street. 
She  had  herself  a  long  neck  and  a  round  body  and  flat  feet,  going' 
waddling  and  hissing  about  the  house,  a-scolding  of  her  maids,  like 
any  Michaelmas  matron  among  the  stubble;  not  to  forget  her  chil¬ 
dren,  of  whom  she  had  a  flock,  waddling  and  hissing  in  their  little 
way,  too,  and  who  were  all  as  like  goslings  as  Sherris  is  like  Sack. 
Little  would  have  lacked-  for  her  to  give  me  hot  roast  goose  to  my 
dinner,  and  goose-pie  for  supper,  and  some  unguent  of  goose-grease 
to  anoint  my  Pate  withal,  had  it  chanced  to  be  broken;  and  truly 
if  I  had  lived  under  the  sign  of  the  Goose  for  many  days,  I  might 
have  taken  to  waddling  and  and  hissing,  too,  in  my  own  Genera¬ 
tion,  and  have  been  in  time  as  brave  a  goose  as  any  of  them.  Here 
there  was  a  civil  enough  company  of  Sea- faring  men,  Mates,  Pilots, 
Supercargoes,  and  the  like,  with  some  Holland  traders,  and,  if  I 
mistake  not,  a  few  Smugglers  that  had  contraband  dealings  in 
Cambrics^  Steenkirks,  Strong  waters,  and  Point  of  Bruxelles.  These 
last  worthies  did  I  carefully  avoid ;  for  since  my  Boyish  Mischances 
Iliad  imbibed  a  wholesome  fear  of  hurting  the  King’s  Revenue,  or 
meddling  in  any  way  with  his  Prerogative  “Well  out  of  it,  Jack 
Dangerous,”  I  said.  “  Touch  not  His  Majesty’s  Deer,  nor  His 
Majesty’s  Customs,  and  there  shall  be  no  sense  of  a  tickling  in  thy 
windpipe  when  thou  passest  a  post  that  is  like  unto  the  sign  of  the 
Tyburn  Tavern.”  ’Tis  astonishing  how  gingerly  a  man  will  walk 
who  has  once  been  within  an  ace  of  dancing  upon  nothing. 

There  is  a  mighty  quantity  of  Sand  and  good  store  of  Mud  at 
Ostend,  and  a  very  comforting  smell  of  fish;  and  so  the  High 
Dutch  gentry,  who,  poor  souls,  know  very  little  about  the  sea,  and 
see  no  more  salt  water  from  Life’s  beginning  unto  its  end  than  is 
contained  within  the  compass  of  a  pickling-tub,  do  use  the  place 
much  for  Bathing,  and  brag  about  their  Dips  and  Flounderings, 
crying  out,  Die  Zee  ist  mein  Lust,  in  their  plat  Deutscli,  as  though 


148 


CAPTAIN"  DANGEROUS. 


they  had  all  been  born  so  many  Porpoises.  I  would  walk  upon  a 
morning  much  upon  the  Ramping-Parts,  or  Fortifications  of  the 
Town,  watching  whole  caravans  of  Bathers,  both  of  High  and  Low 
Dutch  Gentry,  coming  to  be  dipped,  borne  into  the  Sea  by  sturdy 
Fellows  that  carried  them  like  so  many  Sacks  of  Coals,  and  who 
would  Discharge  them  into  shallows  with  little  more  Ceremony 
than  they  would  use  in  shooting  such  a  Cargo  of  Fuel  into  a  cellar. 
* 1  When  my  Money  is  gone,  ’  ’  thought  I, .  “  I  may  earn  a  crust  by 
the  like  labor.  ”  But  then  I  bethought  me  that  I  was  a  Stranger 
among  them;  that  they  might  be  Jealous  of  me;  and  indeed,  when 
I  imparted  my  design  to  the  Widow-woman  Giessens,  who  was  be¬ 
holden  to  me,  she  said,  for  that  I  had  warned  her  how  poor  a  guest 
I  was  growing,  she  told  me  that  much  interest  was  needed  to  obtain 
one  of  these  Bather’s  places — almost  as  much,  forsooth,  as  is  wanted 
to  get  the  berth  of  a  Tide-waiter  in  England,  and  these  rascals  were 
always  waiting  for  the  tide.  Something  like  a  Patent  had  to  be 
humbly  sued  for,  and  fat  fees  paid  to  Syndics  and  Burgomasters, 
for  the  fine  Privilege  of  sousing  the  gentry  in  the  Brine.  The  good 
woman  offered  me  Credit  till  I  should  find  employment,  and  did  so 
vehemently  press  a  couple  of  Guilders  upon  me  to  defray  my  present 
charges,  that  I  had  not  the  heart  to  refuse,  although  I  took  care  to 
avise  her  that  my  prospects  of  being  able  to  repay  her  were  as  far 
off  as  the  Cape  of  Good  Hope. 

It  chanced  one  morning  that  I  was  walking  out  of  the  Town,  by 
the  side  of  the  Sea  below  the  fortified  parts  to  the  Norrard.  ’Twas 
fine  and  calm  enough,  and  there  was  not  so  much  Swell  as  to  take 
a  Puppy  off  his  swimming  legs;  but  suddenly  I  heard  a  great  Out¬ 
cry  and  Hubbub,  and  perceived  some  ten  feet  from  me  in  the 
Water,  the  head  of  a  Man  convulsed  with  Terror,  and  who  was 
crying  out  with  all  his  might  that  he  was  Di  owning,  that  he  should 
never  see  his  dear  Mamma  again,  and  that  all  his  Estate  would  go 
to  the  Heir-at-Law,  whom,  as  well  as  he  could,  for  screeching  and 
spluttering,  he  Cursed  heartily  in  the  English  tongue.  I  wondered 
how  he  could  be  in  such  a  Pother,  seeing  that  he  was  so  close  to 
shore,  and  that  moreover  there  were  those  nigh  unto  him  who 
could  have  helped  him  if  they  had  a  Mind  to  it.  Close  upon  him 
was  a  Fat  gentleman  in  a  clergyman’s  cassock  and  a  prodigious 
Fluster,  who  kept  crying  out,  “  Save  him!  Save  him!”  but  budged 
not  a  foot  to  come  to  his  assistance  himself;  and,  but  a  dozen  yards 
or  so,  was  a  Flemish  Fellow,  one  of  the  Bathers,  who,  so  far  as  I 
could  make  out  from  his  shaking  his  head  and  crying  out,  “  nicht  ” 
and  “  Geld  ” — the  rest  of  his  lingo  was  Greek  to  me — did  refuse  to 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


149 


save  the  Gentleman  unless  he  had  more  Money  given  him.  For 
these  Bathing-men  were  a  most  Mercenary  Pack.  In  a  much  shorter 
time  than  it  has  taken  me  to  put  this  on  Paper  I  had  off  coat  and 
vest,  kicked  off  my  shoes,  and  struck  into  the  water.  ’Twas  of  the 
shallowest,  and  I  had  but  to  wade  toward  him  who  struggled. 
When  I  came  anigli  him  he  must  even  catch  hold  of  me,  clinging 
like  Grim  Death  or  a  Barnacle  to  the  bottom  of  a  Barge,  very  nearly 
Dragging  me  down.  But  I  was  happily  strong;  and  so,  giving  him 
with  mjr  disengaged  arm  a  sound  Cuff  under  the  ear,  the  better  to 
Preserve  his  Life,  I  seized  him  by  the  waist  with  the  other,  and  so 
dragged  him  up  high,  if  not  dry,  unto  the  Sandy  Shore.  And  a 
pretty  sight  he  looked  there,  dripping  and  Shivering,  all  hough  the 
Sun  shone  Brightly,  and  he  well-nigh  Blue  with  Fright. 

What  do  you  think  the  first  words  were  that  my  Gentleman  ut¬ 
tered  so  soon  as  he  had  got  his  tongue  clear  of  Salt  and  Seaweed? 

“  You  villain!”  he  cries  to  me,  “you  have  assaulted  me.  Take 
witness,  Gentlemen,  he  hath  stricken  me  under  the  Ear.  I  will 
have  him  in  the  King’s  Bench  for  Battery.  Mr.  Hodge,  you  saw 
it;  and  you  leave  me  this  day  week  for  allowing  your  Patron  to  be 
within  an  inch  of  Drowning.  ” 

I  was  always  of  a  Hot  Temper,  and  this  cavalier  treatment  of  me 
after  my  Services  threw  me  into  a  Rage. 

“  Why,  you  little  half-boiled  Shrimp,”  I  bawled  out,  “  I  have  a 
mind  to  clout  you  under  t’other  Ear,  that  Brothers  may  not  com¬ 
plain  of  Favor,  and  e’en  carry  you  to  where  I  found  you.” 

The  Gentleman  in  the  cassock  began  to  break  out  in  excuses, 
saying  that  his  Patron  would  reward  me,  and  that  he  was  glad  that 
an  Englishman  had  been  by  to  rescue  a  Person  of  Quality  from 
such  great  Peril,  when  that  Flanders  Oaf  yonder — Ihe  extortionate 
villain — would  not  stir  a  finger  to  help  him  unless  he  had  half  a 
guilder  over  and  above  his  fee. 

“  Let  him  dry  and  dress  himself, I  said,  in  Dudgeon;  “and  if 
he  be  not  civil  to  a  Countryman,  who  is  as  good  as  he,  I  will  kick 
him  back  to  his  Inn,  and  you,  too.” 

“  A  desperate  youth!”  murmured  the  Clergyman,  as  he  handed 
his  Patron  a  great  bundle  of  towels;  “  and  very  meanly  clad.” 

I  walked  away  a  few  paces  while  the  gentleman  dried  and  dressed 
himself.  Had  I  obeyed  the  Promptings  of  Pride,  I  should  have 
gone  on  my  ways  and  left  him  to  liis  likings;  but  I  was  exceeding 
Poor,  and  thought  it  Foolish  to  throw  away  the  chance  of  receiving 
what  his  Generosity  might  bestow  upon  me.  The  Bathing-Man, 
who  had  been  already  paid  his  Fee,  had  the  impudence  1o  come  up 


150 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


and  ask  for  more  “  Geld  ”  for  minding  the  gentleman’s  clothes, 
as  I  gathered  from  the  speech  of  the  clergyman,  who  understood 
Flemish.  He  was,  however,  indignantly  refused,  and,  not  relish¬ 
ing,  perchance,  the  likelihood  of  a  scuffle  with  three  Englishmen, 
straightway  decamped. 

By  and  by  the  Gentleman  was  dressed,  and  a  very  smart  appear¬ 
ance  he  made  in  a  blue  shag  frock  laced  with  silver,  a  yellow  waist¬ 
coat  bound  with  black  velvet,  green  paduasoy  breeches,  red  stock¬ 
ings,  gold  buckles,  an  ivory  hilt  to  his  sword,  and  a  white  feather 
in  his  hat.  I  have  no  mind  to  write  out  Tailors’  accompts,  but  I 
do  declare  this  to  be  the  exact  Schedule  of  his.  Equipment.  Under 
the  hat,  which  had  a  kind  of  Sunday  Marylabonne  cock  to  it,  there 
bulged  out  a  mighty  White  Periwig  of  fleecy  curls,  for  all  the  world 
like  a  coat  of  a  Bologna  Poodle  Dog,  and  in  the  middle  of  his  Wig 
there  peeped  out  a  little  hatchet  face,  with  lantern  jaws,  and  blue 
gills,  and  a  pair  of  great  black  eyebrows,  under  which  glistened  a 
pair  of  inflamed  eyes.  He  was  not  above  five  feet  three  inches,  and 
his  fingers,  very  long  and  skinny,  went  to  and  fro  under  his  Point 
ruffles  like  a  Lobster’s  Feelers.  The  Chaplain,  who  waited  upon 
him  as  a  Maid  would  on  a  lardy-dardy  woman  of  Fashion,  handed 
my  Gentleman  a  very  tall  stick  with  a  golden  knob  at  the  end  on  it, 
and  with  this,  and  a  laced  handkerchief  and  a  long  cravat,  which 
he  had  likely  bought  at  Mechlin,  and  a  Snuff-box  in  the  lean  little 
Paw  that  held  not  the  cane,  he  looked  for  all  the  world  like  one  of 
my  Grandmother’s  Footmen  who  had  run  away  and  turned  Dancing 
Master. 

“  This,  young  man,”  said  the  Chaplain,  making  a  low  bow  as  he 
spoke  to  the  comical  Image  before  him,  “  is  Bartholomew  Pinchin, 
Esquire,  of  Hampstead.  Make  your  reverence,  sirrah!” 

“Make  a  reverence  to  a  Rag-doll!”  I  answered,  with  a  sneer. 
“  He  hath  left  his  twin  brother  beyond  sea.  I  know  him,  and  lie  is 
a  Barbary  Ape.” 

“  The  rogue  is  insolent,”  saysB.  Pinchin,  Esq.,  clutching  tighter 
at  his  tall  cane,  but  turning  very  white  the  while.  “  I  must  batoon 
him  into  better  manners.” 

“  What!”  1  cried  in  a  great  voice,  making  a  step  toward  him,  for 
my  blood  was  up.  I  would  but  have  tweaked  the  little  creature’s 
Ears;  but  he,  for  a  surety,  thought  I  had  a  mind  to  Murder  him.  I 
do  aver  that  he  fell  upon  his  knees,  and  with  most  piteous  Accents 
and  Protestations  entreated  me,  for  the  sake  of  his  Mamma,  to  spare 
his  life,  and  he  would  give  me  all  I  asked. 

I  was  quite  bewildered,  and  turning  toward  the  Parson,  asked  if 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


151 


his  master  was  Mad;  to  which  he  made  answer,  with  some  Heat, 
that  he  was  no  Master  of  his,  but  his  Honored  Friend  and  Gracious 
Patron;  whereupon  the  little  Spark  must  go  up  to  him,  whimper¬ 
ing  and  cuddling  about  him,  and  beseeching  him  to  save  him  from 
the  Tall  Rogue,  meaning  me. 

“Body  o’  me,  man,”  I  exclaimed,  scarcely  able  to  keep  from 
laughing,  “  I  mean  you  no  harm.  I  am  a  young  Englishman,  lately 
come  from  the  Plantations,  and  seeking  employment.  I  see  you 
struggling  yonder  and  like  to  give  up  the  ghost,  and  I  pull  you  out; 
and  then  you  call  me  Rogue  and  charge  me  with  striking  of  you. 
Was  it  cramp  or  cowardice  that  made  you  bawl  so?  Give  me 
something  to  drink  better  manners  to  you,  and  I  will  leave  you  and 
this  reverend  gentleman  alone.” 

The  Parson  bowed  his  head  with  a  pleased  look  when  I  called 
him  Reverend  and  a  Gentleman,  and,  in  an  under- tone,  told  his 
Patron  that  I  was  a  civilly  behaved  youth,  after  all.  But  the  Pol¬ 
troon  with  the  white  wig  was  not  out  of  his  Pother  yet.  He  had 
risen  to  his  feet  with  a  patch  of  sand  on  each  knee,  and  as  the 
Chaplain  wiped  it  off  with  a  kerchief,  he  blubbered  out  that  I 
wanted  to  rob  him. 

The  Clergyman  whispered  in  his  ear — perhaps  that  I  was  a 
Dangerous-looking  Fellow,  and  might  lose  my  temper  anon  to  some 
tune;  for  my  Whippet-snapper  approaches  me,  and,  in  a  manner 
Civil  enough,  tells  me  that  he  is  much  obliged  for  what  I  had  done 
for  him.  “  And  you  will  take  this,”  says  he.  I  will  be  shot  if  he 
did  not  give  me  an  English  Groat. 

“You  can  readily  get  English  coin  changed  in  the  town,”  he 
observed  with  a  smirk,  as  in  sheer  bewilderment  I  gazed  upon  this 
paltry  doit. 

I  was  desperately  minded  to  Fling  it  at  him,  knock  him  and  the 
Chaplain  down,  and  leave  the  precious  pair  to  pick  themselves  up 
again;  but  I  forbore.  “  Well,”  I  said,  “if  that’s  the  value  you 
put  upon  your  life,  I  can’t  grumble  at  your  Guerdon.  I  suppose 
that  shriveled  little  carcass  of  yours  isn’t  worth  more  than  four- 
pence.  I’ll  e’en  change  it  in  town,  and  buy  fourpennyworth  of 
Dutch  cheese,  and  you  shall  have  the  paring  for  nothing  to  send  to 
your  Mamma  as  a  gift  from  foreign  parts.  Good-morning  to  you, 
my  noble  Captain.  ”  And  so  saying  I  walked  away  in  a  Fume  of 
Wrath  and  Contempt. 

I  was  idling,  that  same  afternoon,  along  the  Main  Street  of  Os- 
tend,  very  much  in  the  Dumps,  and  thinking  of  going  down  to  the 
Port  to  seek  a  cook’s  place  from  some  Ship-master,  for  I  was  not 


152 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


yet  Qualified  to  engage  as  an  Able-bodied  Mariner,  when  I  met  the 
Chaplain  again,  this  time  alone,  and  coming  out  of  a  pastryman’s 
shop.  I  would  have  passed  him,  as  holding  both  him  and  his 
master  in  Disdain,  but  he  arrested  me,  and  beckoned  me  into  au 
Entry,  there  to  have  some  Speech. 

“  My  patron  is  somewhat  quick  and  hasty,  and  was  uncommonly 
flustered  by  his  mischance  this  morning,”  quoth  the  Rev.  Mr. 
Hodge.  “  Nor  perhaps  did  he  use  you  as  liberally  as  he  should 
have  done.  Here  is  a  golden  guilder  for  you,  honest  man.” 

I  thanked  him,  and  as  I  pouched  it  told  him  that  I  would  have 
taken  no  Money  at  all  for  a  service  which  every  man  is  bound  to 
render  to  his  Fellow-creature,  bat  that  I  was  sorely  pressed  for 
Money.  On  this,  he  asked  my  name  and  belongings.  The  name  I 
gave  him,  at  the  which  he  winced  somewhat;  but  of  my  history  I 
did  not  care  to  enlighten  him  further  beyond  broadly  stating  that  I 
had  come  from  the  Plantations,  where  I  had  been  used  to  keep  Ac- 
compts,  and  that  I  was  an  Orphan,  and  had  no  friends  in  England, 
even  if  I  possessed  the  means  to  return  thither. 

“  I  think  I  can  find  you  a  place,”  the  chaplain  replied,  when  I 
had  finished.  “  ’Twill  not  be  a  very  handsome  one,  but  the  work 
is  little  and  light.  Would  it  meet  your  purpose,  now,  to  attend  on 
a  gentleman?” 

“  It  depends,”  I  replied,  “  on  what  kind  of  a  Gentleman  he  is.” 

“A  gentleman  of  landed  Estate,”  quoth  the  parson,  quite  pat. 
“  An  English  gentleman,  now  traveling  for  his  Diversion,  but  will, 
in  good  time,  settle  down  in  England,  to  live  on  his  Acres  in  a 
Handsome  manner,  and  be  a  justice  of  peace  and  of  the  Quorum.” 

“  Do  you  mean  your  Squire  of  Hampstead,  yonder?”  I  answered, 
pointing  my  thumb  over  my  shoulder,  as  though  in  the  direction 
where  I  had  met  his  Reverence  and  his  Patron  that  morning. 

“  I  do,  ”  responds  Mr.  Hodge. 

“  Bartholomew  Pinchin,  of  Hampstead,  Esquire,  eh?”  I  con¬ 
tinued. 

“  Exactly  so.” 

“  Then,”  I  went  on,  raising  my  voice,  and  giving  a  furious  glance 
at  my  companion,  “  I’ll  see  Bartholomew  Pinchin  boiled,  and  I’ll 
see  Bartholomew  Pinchin  baked,  and  his  Esquireship  to  boot,  before 
I’ll  be  his  servant.  He,  a  mean,  skulking,  pinchbeck  hound.  Tell 
him  I’m  meat  for  his  master,  and  that  he  has  no  service,  body  or 
lip,  of  mine.” 

“Tut,  tut,  you  foolish  lad,”  said  Mr.  Hodge,  not  in  the  least 
offended.  “  What  a  wild  young  colt  it  is,  and  how  impatient!  For 


captain:  dangerous. 


153 


all  your  strapping  figure  now,  I  doubt  whether  you  are  twenty  years 
of  age.  ’  ’ 

I  answered  with  something  like  a  Blush,  that  I  was  not  yet 
seventeen. 

“  There  it  is — there  it  is,"  the  Chaplain  took  me,  chuckling. 
"  As  I  thought.  A  mere  boy.  A  very  lad.  Not  come  to  years  of 
-discretion  yet,  and  never  will,  if  he  goes  on  raging  in  this  manner. 
Hearken  to  me,  youngster.  Don’t  be  such  a  fool  as  to  throw  away 
a  good  chance.  ’  ’ 

“  I  don’t  see  where  it  is,"  I  observed,  sulkily,  yet  sheepishly;  for 
there  was  a  Good-natured  air  about  the  Chaplain  that  overcame  me. 

"But  I  do,"  he  rejoined.  "The  good  chance  you  have  is  of 
getting  a  comfortable  place,  with  a  smart  livery — ’’ 

"  I  won’t  wear  a  livery,"  I  cried,  in  a  heat.  "  I’ll  be  no  man’s 
lackey;  I’m  a  gentleman." 

"  So  was  Adam,"  retorted  Mr.  Hodge,  “  and  the  veiy  first  of  the 
breed;  but  he  had  to  wear  a  livery  of  fig-leaves  for  all  that,  and  so 
had  his  wife  Eve.  Come,  ’tis  better  to  don  a  land-jerkin,  and  a  hat 
with  a  ribbon  to’t,  and  be  a  Gentleman’s  Gentleman,  with  regular 
Wages  and  Vails,  and  plenty  of  good  Victuals  every  day,  than  to 
be  starving  and  in  rags  about,  the  streets  of  a  Flemish  town." 

"  I’m  not  starving;  I’m  not  in  rags,"  I  protested,  with  my  Proud 
stomach. 

‘  ‘  But  you  will  be  the  day  after  to-morrow.  The  two  things 
always  go  together.  Come,  my. young  friend,  I'll  own  that  Bar¬ 
tholomew  Pinchin,  Esquire,  is  not  generous.” 

"  Generous!”  I  exclaimed;  "why,  he’s  the  meanest  little  hunks 
that  ever  skinned  a  flea  for  the  hide  and  fat.  Didn’t  he  give  me 
fourpence  this  morning  for  saving  his  life?" 

"  And  didn’t  you  tell  him  that  his  life  wasn’t  worth  more  than  a 
groat?"  asked  the  Chaplain,  with  a  sly  grin;  "besides  insulting 
him  on  the  question  of  Dutch  cheese  (to  which  he  has  an  exquisite 
aversion),  into  the  bargain?" 

"  That’s  true,"  I  replied,  vanquished  by  the  Parson’s  logic. 

"  There,  then,"  his  Reverence  went  on.  "  Bartholomew  Pinchin 
Esquire’s  more  easily  managed  than  you  think  for.  Do  you  prove 
a  good  servant,  and  it  shall  be  my  duty  to  make  him  show  himself 
a  good  master  to  you.  But  I  must  have  no  further  parley  with  you 
here,  else  these  Papistical  Ostenders  will  think  that  you  are  some 
Flemish  lad  (for  indeed  you  have  somewhat  of  a  foreign  air),  and 
I  a  Lutheran  Minister  striving  to  convert  you.  Get  you  back  to 
your  Inn,  good  youth.  Pay  your  score,  if  you  have  one;  and  if 


154 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


you  have  not,  e’en  spend  your  guilder  in  treating  of  your  com¬ 
panions,  and  come  to  me  at  nine  of  the  clock  this  evening  at  the 
Inn  of  the  Three  Archduchesses.  Till  then,  fare  you  well.” 

It  must  be  owned  that  his  Reverence’s  proposals  were  fair,  and 
that  his  conversation  was  very  civil.  As  I  watched  him  trotting  up 
the  Main  Street,  his  Cassock  bulging  out  behind,  I  agreed  with  my¬ 
self  that  perhaps  the  most  prudent  thing  I  could  do  just  at  present 
would  be  to  put  my  gentility  in  my  pocket  till  better  times  came 
round.  There  was  a  Spanish  Don,  I  believe,  once  upon  a  time, 
■who  did  very  nearly  the  same  thing  with  his  sword. 

At  the  appointed  time  I  duly  found  myself  at  the  sign  of  the 
Three  Archduchesses,  which  was  the  bravest  Hostelry  in  all  Ostend, 
and  the  one  where  all  the  Quality  put  up.  I  asked  for  Bartholomew 
Pinchin,  Esquire,  in  the  best  French  that  I  could  muster;  where¬ 
upon  the  drawer,  who  was  a  Fleming,  and,  I  think,  spoke  even 
worse  French  than  I  did,  asked  me  if  I  meant  the  English  Lord  who 
had  the  grand  suite  of  apartments  looking  on  the  court-yard.  1 
■was  fit  to  die  of  laughing  at  first  to  hear  the  trumpery  little  Hamp¬ 
stead  squire  spoken  of  as  a  lord;  but  Prudence  came  to  my  aid 
again,  and  I  answered  that  such,  was  the  personage  I  came  to  seek; 
and,  after  not  much  delay,  I  was  ushered  into  the  presence  of  Mr. 
Pinchin,  whose  Esquiredom — and  proud  enough  he  was  of  it — I 
may  now  as  well  Drop.  I  found  him  in  a  very  handsome  apart¬ 
ment,  richly  furnished,  drinking  Burgundy  with  his  chaplain,  and 
with  a  pack  of  cards  alongside  the  bottles,  and  two  great  wax 
candles  in  sconces  on  either  side.  But,  as  he  drank  his  Burgundy, 
he  ceased  not  to  scream  and  whimper  at  the  expense  he  was  being 
put  to  in  having  such  a  costly  liquor  at  his  table,  and  scolded  Mr. 
Hodge  very  sorely  because  he  had  not  ordered  some  thin  Bordeaux, 
or  light  Rhine  wine.  “  I’m  drinking  guineas,”  he  moaned,  as  he 
gulped  down  his  Gobbets;  ‘‘it’ll  be  the  ruin  of  me.  A  dozen  of 
this  is  as  bad  as  the  Mortgage  upon  my  Titmouse  Farm.  What’ll 
my  mamma  say?  I  shall  die  in  the  poor-house.”  But  all  this 
time  he  kept  on  drinking;  and  it  was  not  glass  and  glass  about  with 
him,  I  promise  you,  for  he  took  at  least  three  bumpers  full  to  his 
Chaplain’s  one,  and  eyed  that  reverend  personage  grudgingly  as  he 
seized  his  opportunity,  and  brimmed  up  the  generous  Red  Liquor 
in  his  tall-stemmed  glass.  Yet  the  Chaplain  seemed  in  no  way  dis¬ 
countenanced  by  his  scanty  allowance,  and  I  thought  that,  per¬ 
chance,  his  Reverence  liked  not  wine  of  Burgundy. 

They  were  playing  a  hand  of  piquet  when  I  was  introduced;  and 
they  being  Gentlefolks,  and  I  a  poor  humble  Serving-Man  that  was 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


155 


to  be,  I  was  bidden  to  wait,  which  I  did  very  patiently  in  the  em¬ 
brasure  of  a  window,  admiring  the  great  dark  tapestried  curtains  as 
they  loomed  in  indistinct  gorgeousness  among  the  shadows.  The 
hand  of  piquet  was  over  at  last,  and  Mr.  Pinchin  found  that  he  had 
lost  three  shillings  and  sixpence. 

“  I  can’t  pay  it,  I  can’t  pay  it,”  he  said,  making  a  most  rueful 
countenance.  “  I’m  eaten  out  of  house  and  home,  and  sharped  at 
cards  besides.  It’s  a  shame  for  a  Parson  to  play  foul — I  say  foul, 
Mr.  Hodge.  It ’s  a  disgrace  to  the  cloth  to  bring  your  wicked  card- 
cheat  ing  practices  to  devalise  an  English  gentleman  who  is  travel¬ 
ing  for  his  diversion.” 

“  We’ll  play  the  game  over  again,  if  you  choose,  Worthy  Sir,” 
the  Chaplain  answers  quite  quietly. 

“  Yes,  and  then  you’ll  win  seven  shillings  of  me.  You’ve  sworn 
to  bring  me  to  beggary  and  ruin.  I  know  you  swore  it  when  my 
mamma  sent  you  abroad  with  me.  Oh,  why  did  I  come  to  foreign 
parts  with  a  wicked,  guzzling,  gambling,  chambering  Chaplain, 
that’s  in  league  with  the  very  host  and  the  drawers  of  this  thieving 
inn  against  me — iliat  burns  me  a  guinea  a  night  in  wax-candles, 
and  has  had  a  freehold  farm  out  of  me  in  Burgundy  wine.” 

“I’ve  had  but  two  glasses  the  entire  evening,”  the  Chaplain 
pleaded,  in  a  voice  truly  that  was  meek;  but  I  thought  that,  even 
at  the  distance  I  stood  from  him.  I  could  see  the  color  rising  in  his 
cheek. 

“  Oh,  you  have,  you  have,”  went  on  Squire  Bartholomew,  who, 
if  not  half  Mad,  was  certainly  more  than  three  parts  Muzzy; 
“  you’ve  ruined  me,  Mr.  Hodge,  with  your  cards  and  your  candles 
and  your  Burgundy,  and  Goodness  only  knows  what  else  besides.” 

The  Chaplain  could  stand  it  no  longer,  and  rose  in  a  Bage. 

“  I  wish  all  the  candles  and  the  cards  were  down  your  throat,” 
he  cried,  “  nearly  all  the  wine  is  there  already.  I  wish  they’d 
choke  you.  I  wish  they  were  all  in  the  pit  of  your  stomach,  and 
turned  to  hot  burning  coals.  What  shall  I  do  with  you,  you  ca¬ 
daverous  little  jackanapes?  The  Lout  did  well  this  morning — ”  (I 
was  the  Lout,  by  your  leave)  “  to — to  liken  thee  to  one,  for  thou  art 
more  monkey  than  man.  But  for  fear  of  staining  my  cassock, 
I’d— I’d— ”  ’ 

He  advanced  toward  him  with  a  vengefid  air,  clinching  his  list, 
as  well  as  I  could  see,  as  he  approached.  Surely  there  never  was 
such  a  comical  character  as  this  Bartholomew  Pinchin.  ’Tis  the 
bare  truth,  that,  as  the  enraged  parson  came  at  him,  this  Gentleman 
of  broad  acres  drops  down  again  on  his  marrow-bones,  just  as  I  had 


156 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


seen  him  on  the  sands  in  the  morning;  and  lifting  up  his  little 
skinny  hands  toward  the  ceiling,  begins  yelling  and  bawling  out 
louder  than  ever. 

“Spare  my  life!  spare  my  life!”  he  cried.  “Take  my  watch 
and  trinkets.  Take  my  Gold  Medal  of  the  Pearl  of  Bruns¬ 
wick  Club.  Take  the  diamond  solitaire  I  wear  in  my  great 
Steenkirk  on  Sundays.  Go  to  my  Banker’s,  and  draw  every  penny 
I’ve  got  in  the  world.  Turn  me  out  a  naked,  naked  Pauper;  but 
oh,  Mr.  Hodge,  spare  my  life.  I’m  young.  I’ve  been  a  sinner.  I 
want  to  give  a  hundred  Pounds  to  Lady  Wackerbarth’s  charity 
school.  I  want  to  do  everybody  good.  Take  my  gold,  but  spare 
my  life.  Oh,  you  tall  young  man  in  the  corner  there,  come  and 
help  an  English  gentleman  out  of  the  hands  of  a  murtherous  Chap¬ 
lain.  ’  ’ 

“Why,  you  craven  cur,  you,”  puts  in  the  Chaplain,  bending 
over  him  with  half-poised  fist,  yet  with  a  kind  of  half-amusement 
in  his  features,  “  don’t  you  know  that  the  Tall  young  Man,  as  you 
call  him,  is  the  poor  English  lad  who  saved  your  worthless  little 
carcass  from  drowning  this  morning,  and  whom  you  offered  to 
recompense  with  a  Scurvy  Groat?” 

“  I’l  give  him  forty  pound,  I  will,”  blubbered  Mr.  Pinchin,  still 
on  his  knees.  “  I’ll  give  him  fifty  pounds  when  my  Midsummer 
rents  come  in,  only  let  him  rescue  me  from  the  jaws  of  the  roaring 
lion.  Oh,  my  Mamma!  my  Mamma!” 

“  Come  forward,  then,  young  man,”  cried  the  Chaplain,  with  a 
smile  of  disdain  on  his  good-humored  countenance,  “  and  help  this 
worthy  and  courageous  gentleman  to  his  legs.  Don’t  be  afraid. 
Squire  Barty.  He  won’t  murder  you.” 

I  advanced  in  obedience  to  the  summons,  and  putting  a  hand 
under  either  armpit  of  the  squire,  helped  him  on  to  his  feet.  Then, 
at  a  nod  of  approval,  I  set  him  in  the  great  arm-chair  of  Utrecht 
velvet.  Then  I  pointed  to  the  bottle  on  the  table,  and  looked  at 
Mr.  Hodge,  as  though  to  ask  whether  he  thought  a  glass  of  Bur¬ 
gundy  would  do  the  patient  good. 

“  No,”  said  the  Chaplain.  “  He’s  had  enough  Burgundy.  He’d 
better  have  a  flask  of  champagne  to  give  him  some  spirits.  Will 
you  drink  a  flask  of  champagne,  Squire?”  he  continued,  addressing 
his  patron  in  a  strangely  authoritative  voice. 

“  Yes,”  quoth  the  little  man,  whose  periwig  was  all  Awry,  and 
who  looked,  on  the  whole,  a  most  doleful  figure — “yes,  if  you 
please,  Mr.  Hodge.” 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


157 


“  Vastly  pretty!  And  wlial  am  I  to  have?  I  think  I  should  like 
some  Burgundy.  ’  ’ 

“Anything,”  murmured  the  discomfited  Squire;  “only  spare 
me — ” 

“Tush!  your  life’s  in  no  danger.  We'll  take  good  care  of  it. 
And  this  most  obliging  English  youth — will  your  Honor  offer  him 
no  refreshment?  What  is  he  to  have?” 

“  Can  he  drink  beer?”  asked  the  Squire,  in  a  faint  voice,  and 
averting  his  liead  as  though  the  having  to  treat  me  was  too  much 
for  him. 

“  Can  you  drink  beer?”  echoed  the  Chaplain,  looking  at  me,  but 
shaking  his  head  meanwhile,  as  if  to  warn  me  not  to  consent  to 
partake  of  so  cheap  a  beverage. 

“It’s  very  cheap,”  added  Mr.  Pinchin,  very  plaintively  “It 
isn’t  a  farthing  a  glass;  and  when  you  get  used  to  it,  it’s  better  for 
the  inwards  than  burned  brandy.  Have  a  glass  of  beer,  good 
youth.  Kind  Mr.  Hodge,  let  them  bring  him  a  glass  of  Faro.” 

“  Hang  your  faro!  I  don’t  like  it,”  I  said,  bluntly. 

.  “  What  will  you  have,  then?”  asked  the  Squire,  with  a  gasp  of 
agony,  and  his  head  still  buried  in  the  chair-cushion. 

It  seemed  that  the  chaplain’s  lips,  as  he  looked  at  me,  were 
mutely  forming-  the  letters  WINE.  So  I  put  a  bold  front  upon 
it,  and  said, 

“  Why,  1  should  like,  master,  to  drink  your  health  in  a  bumper 
of  right  Burgundy,  with  this  good  Gentleman  here.” 

“  He  will  have  Burgundy,”  whimpered  Mr.  Pinchin,  half  to  the 
chair-cushion,  and  half  to  his  periwig.  “  He  will  have  Burgundy. 
The  ragged,  tall  young  man  will  have  Burgundy  at  eight  livres  ten 
sols  the  flask.  Oh,  let  him  have  it,  and  let  me  die!  for  he  and  the 
Parson  have  sworn  to  my  Mamma  to  murder  me  and  have  my 
blood,  and  leave  me  among  Smugglers,  and  Papistry,  and  Landlords 
who  have  sworn  to  ruin  me  in  waxen  candles.” 

There  was  something  at  once  so  ludicrous,  and  yet  so  Pathetic, 
in  the  little  man’s  lamentations,  that  I  scarcely  knew  whether  to 
laugh  or  to  cry.  His  feelings  seemed  so  very  acute,  and  he  himself 
so  perfectly  sincere  in  his  moanings  and  groanings,  that  it  were  al¬ 
most  Barbarity  to  jeer  at  him.  The  Chaplain,  however,  was,  to  all 
appearance,  accustomed  to  these  little  Comedies;  for,  whispering 
to  me  that  it  was  all  Mr.  Pinchin’s  manner,  and  that  the  young  Gen¬ 
tleman  meant  no  harm,  he  bade  me  bestir  myself  and  hurry  up  the 
servants  of  the  House  to  serve  supper.  So  not  only  were  the  cham  - 
pagne  and  the  Burgundy  put  on  table — and  of  the  which  there  was 


158 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


put  behind  a  screen  a  demiflask  of  the  same  true  vintage  for  my 
own  private  drinking — (“  And  the  Squire  will  be  pleased,  when  he 
comes  to  Audit  the  score,  to  find  that  you  have  been  content  with 
Half  a  bottle.  ’Twill  seem  like  something  saved  out  of  the  Fire,” 
whispers  the  Chaplain  to  me,  as  I  helped  to  lay  the  cloth) — not  only 
were  Strong  Waters  and  sweet  Liquors  and  cordials  provided, 
especially  that  renowned  stomachic  the  Maraschino,  of  which  the 
Hollanders  and  Flemings  are  so  outrageously  fond,  and  which  is 
made  to  such  perfection  in  the  Batavian  settlements  in  Asia,  but  a 
substantial  Repast  likewise  made  its  appearance,  comprising  Fowl, 
both  wild  and  tame,  and  hot  and  cold,  a  mighty  pasty  of  veal  and 
eggs  baked  in  a  Standing  Crust,  some  curious  fresh  sallets,  and  one 
of  potatoes  and  salted  herrings  flavored  with  garlic — to  me  most  vil¬ 
lainously  nasty,  but  much  affected  in  these  amphibious  Low  Coun¬ 
tries.  So,  the  little  Squire  being  brought  to  with  a  copious  draught 
of  champagne — and  he  was  the  most  weazened  little  Bacchus  I  ever 
knew,  moistening  his  ever-dry  throttle  from  morning  until  night — 
he  and  the  chaplain  sat  down  to  supper,  and  remained  feasting 
until  long  past  midnight.  So  far  as  the  Parson’s  part  went,  it  might 
have  been  called  a  Carouse  as  well  as  a  Feast,  for  his  Reverence 
took  his  Liquor,  and  plenty  of  it,  with  a  joviality  of  Contentment 
which  it  would  have  done  your  Heart  good  to  see,  drinking  “  Church 
and  King,”  and  then  “  King  and  Church,”  so  that  neither  Institu¬ 
tion  should  have  cause  to  grumble,  and  then  giving  the  Army,  the 
Navy,  the  Courts  of  Quarter  Sessions  throughout  England,  New¬ 
market  and  the  horses,  not  forgetting  the  Jockeys,  the  pious  mem¬ 
ory  of  Dr.  Sacheverell,  at  which  the  Squire  winced  somewhat,  for 
he  was  a  bitter  Whig,  with  many  other  elegant  and  appropriate 
sentiments.  In  fact,  it  was  easy  to  see  that  his  reverence  had 
known  the  very  best  of  company;  and  when  at  one  of  the  clock  he 
called  for  a  Bowl  of  Punch,  which  he  had  taught  the  Woman  of 
the  House  very  well  how  to  brew,  I  put  him  down  as  one  who  had 
sate  with  Lords — ay,  and  of  the  Council  too,  over  their  Potations. 
But  the  Behavior  of  Bartholomew  Pinchin,  Esq.,  was,  from  the 
beginning  unto  the  end  of  the  Regale,  of  a  piece  with  his  former 
extraordinary  and  Grotesque  conduct.  After  the  champagne,  he 
essayed  to  sing  a  song  to  the  tune  of  “  Cold  and  Raw,”  but  failing 
therein,  he  began  to  cry.  Then  did  he  accuse  me  of  having  secreted 
the  Liver- Wing  of  a  Capon,  which,  I  declare,  I  had  seen  him  de¬ 
vour  not  Five  Minutes  before.  Then  he  had  more  Drink,  and 
proposed  successively  as  Toasts  his  Cousin  Lady  Betty  Heeltap, 
daughter  to  my  Lord  Poddle;  a  certain  Madame  Van  Foorst,  whom 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


159 


1  afterward  discovered  to  be  the  keeper  of  a  dancing  Ridotto  on  the 
Port  at  Antwerp;  then  the  Jung-frau,  or  serving  wench,  that  waited 
upon  us,  who  had  for  name  Babette;  and  lastly  his  Mamma,  whom 
ten  minutes  afterward,  he  began  to  load  with  Abuse,  declaring  that 
she  wished  to  have  her  Barty  shut  up  in  a  mad-house,  in  order  that 
she  might  enjoy  his  Lands  and  Revenues,  And  then  he  fell  to 
computing  the  cost  of  the  supper,  swearing  that  it  would  Ruin  him, 
and  making  his  old  complaints  about  those  eternal  wax  candles. 
Then,  espying  me  out,  he  asks  who  I  am,  challenges  me  to  fight 
with  him  for  a  Crown,  vows  that  he  will  delate  me  to  the  English 
Resident  at  Brussels  for  a  Jacobite  spy,  tells  me  that  I  am  an  Honest 
Fellow,  and,  next  to  Mr.  Hodge,  the  best  friend  he  ever  had  in  the 
world,  and  falls  down  at  last  stupefied.  Whereupon,  with  the  as¬ 
sistance  of  the  Flemish  Drawer,  I  carried  my  new  master  up  to  bed. 


CHAPTER  THE  THIRTEENTH. 

I  MAKE  THE  GRAND  TOUR,  AND  ACQUIRE  SOME  KNOWLEDGE  OF 

THE  POLITE  WORLD. 

For  I  had  decided  that  he  was  to  be  my  Master.  “  I  can  bear 
with  his  strange  ways,”  I  said  to  myself.  “John  Dangerous  has 
seen  stranger,  young  as  he  is;  and  it  will  go  hard  if  this  droll  creat¬ 
ure  does  not  furnish  forth  some  sport,  ay  and  some  Profit  too  be¬ 
fore  long.”  For  now  that  I  had  put  my  Gentility  in  my  pocket,  I 
began  to  remember  that  Hay  is  a  very  pleasant  and  toothsome  thing 
for  Fodder,  to  say  nothing  of  its  having  a  most  pleasant  odor,  and 
that  the  best  time  to  make  hay  was  while  the  sun  did  shine. 

After  I  had  assisted  in  conveying  the  Little  Man  to  bed,  I  came 
down  to  the  Saloon,  finding  there  Mr.  Hodge,  who  was  comforting 
himself  with  a  last  bumper  of  punch  before  seeking  bed. 

“Well,  Youth,”  he  accosts  me,  “have  you  thought  better  of 
your  surly,  huffing  manner  of  this  moraine:  and  this  afternoon?” 

I  told  him  that  I  had,  and  that  I  desired  nothing  better  than  to 
enter  forthwith  into  the  service  of  Bartholomew  Pincliin,  Esquire, 
of  Hampstead. 

“That’s  well,”  says  his  Reverence,  nodding  at  me  over  his 
punch.  “  You’ve  had  your  supper  behind  yon  screen,  haven’t  you?” 

I  answered,  “  Yes,  and  my  Burgundy  likewise.” 

“  That  you  mustn’t  expect  every  day,”  he  continues,  “  but  only 
on  extraordinary  occasions  such  as  that  of  to-night.  What  the  liv- 


100 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


ing  is  like,  you  have  seen.  The  best  of  fish,  flesh,  and  fowl,  and 
plenty  of  it.  As  to  your  Clothes  and  your  Wages,  we  will  hold  dis 
course  of  that  in  the  morning;  for  ’twill  take  your  Master  half  the 
morning  to  heat  you  down  a  penny  a  Month,  and  quarrel  with  a 
Tailor  about  the  cheapest  kind  of  serge  for  your  Livery.  Leave  it 
to  me,  however,  and  I’ll  engage  that  you  have  no  reason  to  com¬ 
plain  either  of  one  or  the  other.  What  did  you  say  your  name 
was,  friend  ?  As  for  Recommendations,  you  have  none  to  Give,  and 
I  seek  not  any  from  you.  I  will  be  content  to  take  your  character 
from  your  Face  and  Speech.  ’  ’ 

I  began  to  stammer  and  bow  and  thank  his  Honor’s  Reverence 
for  his  good  opinion. 

“Don’t  thank  me  before  you’re  asked,’’ answers  Mr.  Hodge, 
with  a  grin.  '  ‘  The  academy  of  compliments  is  not  held  here.  By 
your  speech  you  have  given  every  sign  of  being  a  very  Saucy  Fel¬ 
low,  and,  to  judge  from  your  face,  you  have  all  the  elements  in 
you  of  a  complete  Scoundrel.” 

I  bowed,  and  was  silent. 

“  But  your  name,”  he  pursued,  “  that  has  escaped  me.”  . 

I  answered  Respectfully,  that  I  had  used  to  be  called  John  Dan¬ 
gerous. 

“  Tut,  tut!”  Mr.  Hodge  cried  out  hastily.  “  Fie  upon  the  name! 
John  is  all  very  well;  but  Dangerous  will  never  do.  Why,  our 
Patron  would  think  directly  he  heard  it  that  }rou  were  bent  on  cut¬ 
ting  his  throat,  or  running  away  with  his  valise.” 

I  submitted,  again  with  much  respect,  that  it  was  the  only  name 
I  had. 

“Well,  thou  art  a  straightforward  youth,” -said  the  Chaplain 
good-humoredly,  “  and  I  will  not  press  thee  to  take  up  an  alias. 
John  will  serve  excellently  well  for  the  present;  and  if  more  be 
wanted,  thou  shalt  be  John  D.  But  understand  that  the  name  of 
Dangerous  is  to  remain  a  secret  between  me  and  thee  and  tfie  Post.” 

“  With  all  my  heart,”  I  cried,  “  so  long  as  the  Post  be  not  a  gal¬ 
lows.” 

“Well  said,  John  D.,”  murmured  Mr.  Hodge,  upon  whom  by 
this  time  the  punch  had  taken  some  little  effect.  “A  good  Lad, 
John.  And  now  thou  mayst  help  me  up  to  bed.  ’  ’ 

And  so  I  did,  for  his  Reverence  had  begun  to  stagger.  Then  a 
pallet  was  found  for  me  high  up  in  the  Roof  of  the  Inn  of  the 
Three  Archduchesses.  I  forbore  to  grumble,  for  I  had  been  used 
from  my  first  going  out  into  the  world  to  Hard  Lodging.  And  that 


CAPTAIN"  DANGEROUS. 


161 


night  I  slept  very  soundly,  and  dreamed  that  I  was  in  the  Great 
Four-post  Bed  at  my  Grandmother’s  in  Hanover  Square. 

Never  had  a  Man,  I  suppose,  in  this  Mortal  World,  ever  so  droll 
a  master  as  this  Bartholomew  Pinchin,  of  Hampstead,  Esquire. 
’Tis  Tame,  and  may  be  Offensive,  for  me  to  be  so  continually  telling 
that  he  wrote  himself  down  Armiger,  after  my  Promise  to  forego 
for  the  future  such  recapitulation  of  his  Title;  but  Mr.  Pinchin  was 
himself  never  tired  of  dubbing  himself  Esquire,  and  you  could 
scarcely  be  five  Minutes  in  his  company  without  hearing  of  his 
Estate,  and  his  mamma,  and  his  right  to  bear  Arms.  I,  who  was 
by  birth  a  Gentleman  of  Long  Descent,  could  not  forbear  Smiling 
from  time  to  time  (in  my  Sleeve,  be  it  understood,  since  I  was  a 
Servant  at  Wages  to  him)  at  his  ridiculous  Assumptions.  And 
there  are  few  things  more  Contempti  ble,  I  take  it,  than  for  a  Man 
of  really  good  Belongings,  and  whose  Lineage  is  as  old  as  Stone¬ 
henge  (albeit,  for  Reasons  best  known  to  Himself,  he  permits  his 
Pedigree  to  lie  Perdu),  1o  hear  an  Upstart  of  Yesterday  Bragging 
and  Swelling  that  he  is  come  from  this  or  from  that,  when  we,  who 
are  of  the  true  Good  Stock,  know  very  well,  but  that  we  are  not  so 
ill-mannered  as  to  say  so,  that  he  is  sprung  from  Nothing  at  all.  I 
think  that  if  the  Heralds  were  to  make  their  Journeys  now,  as  of 
Yore,  among  the  Country  Cliurch-yards,  and  hack  out  from  the 
Head-stones  the  sculptured  cognizances  of  those  having  no  manner  of 
Right  to  them,  the  Stone-Masons  about  Hyde  Park  Corner  would  all 
make  Fortunes  from  the  orders  that  would  be  given  to  them  for 
fresh  Tombs.  Not  a  mealy-mouthed  Burgess  now,  whose  great¬ 
grandfather  sold  stocking- hose  to  my  Lord  Duke  of  Northumber¬ 
land,  but  sets  himself  up  for  a  Percy;  not  a  supercilious  Cit,  whose 
Uncle  married  a  cast-off  waiting-woman  from  Arundel  Castle,  but 
vaunts  himself  on  his  alliance  with  the  noble  house  of  Howard;  not 
a  starveling  Scrivener,  whose  ancestor,  as  the  playwright  has  it,  got 
his  Skull  cracked  by  John  of  Gaunt  for  crowding  among  the 
Marshalmen  in  the  Tilt  Yard,  but  must  pertly  Wink  and  Snigger, 
and  say  that  the  Dukedom  of  Lancaster  would  not  be  found  extinct 
if  the  Right  Heir  chose  to  come  Forward.  Since  that  poor  young 
Lord  of  the  Lakes  was  attainted  for  his  part  in  the  Troubles  of  the 
’Fifteen,  and  lost  his  head  on  Tower  Hill  (his  vast  Estates  going  to 
Greenwich  Hospital),  I  am  given  to  understand  that  every  man  in 
Cumberland  or  Westmoreland  whose  name  happens  to  be  Ratcliffe 
(I  knew  the  late  Mr.  Charles  Ratcliffe,  that  Suffered  with  a  red 
Feather  in  his  Hat,  very  well),  must  give  himself  out  to  be  titular 

Earl  of  Derwentwater,  and  Importune  the  Government  to  reverse 
6 


CAPTAIN"  DANGEROUS. 


162 

the  Attainder,  and  restore  him  the  Lands  of  which  the  Greenwich 
Commissioners  have  gotten  such  a  tight  Hold;  and  as  for  Grand¬ 
children  of  the  byblows  of  King  Charles  II.,  good  lack!  to  hear 
them  talk  of  the  “  Merry  Monarch,”  and  to  see  them  draw  up  their 
Eyebrows  into  the  kStuart  Frown,  one  would  think  that  every 
Player- Woman  at  the  King  s  or  the  Duke’s  House  had  been  as  fa¬ 
vored  in  her  time  as  Madame  Eleanor  Gwyn. 

Thus  do  I  no  more  believe  that  Mr.  Bartholomew  Pinchin  was 
cousin  to  Lady  Betty  Heeltap,  or  in  any  manner  connected  with  the 
family  of  my  Lord  Poddle  (and  he  was  only  one  of  the  Revolution 
Peers,  that  got  his  coronet  for  Ratting  at  the  right  moment  to  King 
William  III.),  than  that  he  wras  the  Great  Mogul’s  Grandmother. 
His  gentlemanly  extraction  was  with  him  all  a  Yain  Pretense  and 
silly  outward  show.  It  did  no  very  great  Harm,  however.  When 
the  French  adventurer  Poirier  asked  King  Augustus  the  Strong  to 
make  him  a  Count,  what  said  his  Majesty  of  Warsaw  and  Lune- 
ville?  ‘‘That  I  can  not  do,”  quoth  he;  “but  there  is  nothing 
under  the  sun  to  prevent  thee  from  calling  thyself  a  Count,  if  the 
humor  so  please  thee.  ”  And  Count  Poirier,  by  Self-Creation,  he 
straightway  became,  and  as  Count  Poirier  was  knouted  to  Death  at 
Moscow  for  Forging  of  Rubles  Assignats.  Pinchin  was  palpably  a 
Plebeian;  but  it  suited  him  to  be  called  and  to  call  himself  an  Es¬ 
quire:  and  who  should  gainsay  him?  At  the  Three  Archduchesses 
at  Ostend,  indeed,  they  had  an  exceeding  sensible  Plan  regarding 
Titles  and  Precedence  for  Strangers,  which  was  found  to  answer 
admirably  well.  He  who  took  the  Grand  Suite,  looking  upon  the 
court-yard,  was  always  held  to  be  an  English  Lord.  The  tenant  of 
the  floor  above  him  was  duly  esteemed  by  the  Drawers  and  Cham¬ 
berlains  to  be  a  Count  of  the  Holy  Roman  Empire;  a  quiet  gentle¬ 
man,  who  would  pay  a  Louis  a  day  for  his  charges,  but  was  con¬ 
tent  to  dine  at  the  Public  Table,  was  put  down  as  a  Baron  or  a 
Chevalier;  those  who  occupied  the  rooms  running  round  the  gal¬ 
leries  were  saluted  Merchants,  or  if  they  chose  it,  Captains;  but,  in 
the  gardens  behind  the  Inn,  there  stood  a  separate  Building,  called 
a  Pavilion,  most  sumptuously  appointed,  and  the  Great  Room  hung 
with  the  Story  of  Susannah  and  the  Elders  in  Arras  Tapestry;  and 
he  who  would  pay  enough  for  this  Pavilion  might  have  been  hailed 
as  an  Embassador  Plenipotentiary,  as  a  Duke  and  Peer  of  France, 
or  even  as  a  Sovereign  Prince  traveling  incognito,  had  he  been  so 
minded.  For  what  will  not  Money  do?  Take  our  English  Army, 
for  instance,  which  is  surely  the  Bravest  and  the  Worst  Managed  in 
the  whole  World.  My  Lord  buys  a  pair  of  colors  for  the  Yalet  that 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


163 


has  married  his  leman,  and  forthwith  Mr.  Jackanapes  struts  for  an 
Ensign.  But  for  his  own  Son  and  Heir  my  Lord  will  purchase  a 
whole  troop  of  Horse;  and  a  Beardless  Boy,  that  a  month  agone 
was  Birched  at  Eton  for  flaws  in  his  Grammar,  will  Vapor  it  about 
on  the  Mall  with  a  Queue  a  la  Rosbach,  and  a  Long  Sword  trailing 
behind  him,  as  a  full-blown  Captain  of  Dragoons. 

I  believe  Pinchin’s  father  to  have  been  a  Tailor.  There  is  no 
harm  in  the  Craft,  honestly  exercised;  but  since  the  world  first 
Began  nine  Tailors  have  made  a  Man;  and  you  can  not  well  see  a 
knight  of  the  shears  without  asking  in  your  own  mind  where  he 
has  left  his  Eight  brethren.  Bartholomew  Pinchin  looked  like  a 
Tailor,  talked  like  a  Tailor,  and  thought  like  a  Tailor.  Let  it  not, 
however,  be  surmised  that  I  have  any  mind  to  Malign  the  Useful 
Churls  who  make  our  Clothes.  Many  a  time  have  I  been  beholden 
to  the  strong  Faith  and  Generous  Belief  of  a  Tailor  when  I  have  stood 
in  need  of  new  Apparel,  and  have  been  under  momentary  Famine 
of  Funds  for  the  Payment  thereof.  Those  who  are  so  ready  to 
sneer  at  a  Snip,  and  to  cast  Cabbage  in  his  teeth,  would  do  well  to 
remember  that  there  are  Seasons  in  Life  when  the  Goose  (or  rather 
he  that  wields  it)  may  save,  not  only  the  Capitol,  but  the  Soldier 
who  stands  on  Guard  within.  How  doubly  Agonizing  is  Death 
when  you  are  in  doubt  as  to  whence  that  Full  suit  of  Black  needed 
on  the  Funeral  Night  will  arrive!  What  a  tremor  comes  over  you 
when  you  remember  that  this  Day  Week  you  are  to  be  Married,  and 
that  your  Wedding  Garment  is  by  no  means  a  certainty!  What  a 
dreadful  Shipwreck  to  your  Fortune  menaces  you  when  you  are 
bidden  to  wait  on  a  Great  Man  who  has  Places  to  give  away,  and 
you  find  that  your  Velvet  Coat  shows  the  Cord!  Tis  in  these 
Emergencies  that  the  brave  Confidence  of  the  Tailor  is  distilled 
over  us  like  the  Blessed  Dew  from  Heaven;  for  Trust,  when  it  is 
really  needed,  and  opportunely  comes,  is  Real  Mercy  and  a  Holy 
Thing. 

About  my  master’s  Wealth  there  was  no  doubt.  Lord  Poddle, 
although  a  questionable  cousin  of  his,  would  have  been  glad  to  pos¬ 
sess  his  spurious  kinsman’s  acres.  I  should  put  down  the  young 
Esquire’s  income  at,  at  least,  Twenty  Hundred  Pounds  a  year.  His 
Father  had  been,  it  can  not  be  questioned,  a  Warm  Man;  but  I 
should  like  to  know,  if  he  was  veritably,  as  his  Son  essayed  to  make 
out,  a  Gentleman,  how  he  came  to  live  in  Honey-Lane  Market,  hard 
by  Cheapside.  Gentlemen  don’t  live  in  Honey-Lane  Market.  ’Tis 
in  Bloomsbury,  or  Soho,  or  Lincoln’s  Inn,  or  in  the  parish  of  St. 
George,  Hanover  Square,  that  the  real  Quality  have  their  habita» 


164 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


tions.  I  shall  be  told  next  that  Gentlefolks  should  have  their  man¬ 
sions  by  the  Bunhouse  at  Pimlico,  or  in  the  Purlieus  of  Tyburn 
Turnpike.  No;  ’twas  at  the  sign  of  the  Sleeveboard,  in  Honey- 
Lane  Market,  that  our  Patrician  Squire  made  his  money.  The 
estate  at  Hampstead  was  a  very  fair  one,  lying  on  the  North  side, 
Highgate  way.  Mr.  Pinchin’s  Mamma,  a  Rare  City  Dame,  had  a 
Life  interest  in  the  property,  and,  under  the  old  Gentleman’s  will, 
had  a  Right  to  a  Whole  Sum  of  Ten  Thousand  Pounds  if  she  mar¬ 
ried  again.  Thus  it  was  that  young  Bartholomew  was  always  in 
an  agony  of  Terror  to  learn  that  his  mamma  had  been  seen  walk¬ 
ing  on  a  Sunday  afternoon  in  Gray’ s-Inn  Gardens,  or  taking  Pow¬ 
dered  Beef  and  Ratafia  at  the  lavern  in  Flask  Walk,  or  drinking  of 
Syllabubs  at  Bellasise;  and  by  every  post  he  expected  to  hear  the 
dreadful  intelligence  that  Madame  Pinchin  had  been  picked  up  as  a 
City  Fortune  by  some  ruffling  Student  of  the  Inns  of  Court,  some 
Irish  Captain,  or  some  smart  Draper  that,  on  the  strength  of  a  new 
Periwig  and  a  lacquered  hilt  to  his  Sword,  passes  for  a  Macarony. 

’Tis  not  very  romantic  to  relate,  but  ’ tis  no  less  a  fact,  that  the 
Son  and  the  Mother  hated  one  another.  You  who  have  gone 
through  the  World  and  watched  it,  know  that  these  sad  unnatural 
loathings  between  Parents  and  Children,  after  I  he  latter  have  grown 
up,  are  by  no  means  uncommon.  To  me  it  seems  almost  impossi¬ 
ble  that  Estrangement  and  Dislike — nay  absolute  Aversion — should 
ever  engender  between  the  Mother  and  the  Daughter  that  as  a  Babe 
hath  hung  on  her  Paps  (or  should  have  been  so  Nurtured,  for  too 
many  of  our  Fashionable  Fine  Dames  are  given  to  the  cruelly  Per¬ 
nicious  Practice  of  sending  their  Infants  to  Nurse  almost  the  very 
next  Week  after  they  are  Born,  thus  Divorcing  themselves  from  the 
Joys  of  Tender  Affection,  and  drying- up  the  very  Source  and  Fon- 
tinel  of  Natural  Endearments;  from  which  I  draw  the  cause  of 
many  of  the  harsh  cold  Humors  and  Uncivil  Yapors  that  do  reign 
between  the  Great  and  their  children).  You  may  cry  Haro  upon 
me  for  a  Cynic  or  Doggish  Philosopher;  but  I  relate  my  Experiences, 
and  the  Things  that  have  stricken  my  Mind  and  Sense.  I  do  know 
Ladies  of  Quality  that  hate  their  Daughters,  and  would  willingly 
Whip  them,  did  they  dare  do  so,  Grown  Women  as  they  are,  for 
Spite.  I  do  know  Fathers,  Men  of  Parts  and  Rank,  forsooth,  jealous 
of  their  Sons,  and  that  have  kept  the  Youngsters  in  the  Background, 
and  even  striven  to  Obscure  their  Minds  that  they  might  not  cross 
the  Paternal  Orbit.  And  has  it  not  almost  passed  into  a  proverb, 
that  my  Lord  Duke’s  Natural  and  most  Inveterate  Enemy  is  my 
Lord  Marquis,  who  is  his  Heir?  But  not  to  the  World  of  Gold  and 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


1 65 


Purple  are  these  Jealousies  and  Evil  Feelings  confined.  You  shall 
find  them  to  the  full  as  Venomous  in  hovels,  where  pewter  Platters 
are  on  the  shelves,  and  where  Fustian  and  Homespun  are  the  only 
wear.  Down  in  the  West  of  England,  where  a  worthy  Friend  of 
mine  has  an  Estate,  I  know  a  Shepherd  tending  his  flock  from  sun¬ 
rise — ay,  and  before  the  Sun  gets  up — until  sundown.  The  honest 
man  has  but  half  a  dozen  shillings  a  week,  and  has  begotten  Four¬ 
teen  Children.  He  is  old  now,  and  feeble,  and  is  despised  by  his 
Progeny.  He  leads  at  Home  the  sorriest  of  Lives.  They  take  his 
wages  from  him,  and,  were  it  not  for  a  lump  of  fat  Bacon  which 
my  friend’s  Servants  give  him  now  and  again  for  Charity’s  sake, 
he  would  have  nothing  better  to  eat  from  Week’s  End  to  Week’s 
End  than  the  hunch  of  Bread  and  the  morsel  of  Cheese  that  are  doled 
forth  to  him  every  morning  when  he  goes  to  his  labor.  Only  the 
other  day,  his  sixth  daughter,  a  comely  Piece  enough,  was  Married. 
The  poor  old  Shepherd  begs  a  Holiday,  granted  to  him  easily  enough, 
and  goes  home  at  Midday  instead  of  Even,  thinking  to  have  some 
part  in  the  Wedding  Rejoicings,  the  which  his  last  week’s  wages 
have  gone  some  way  to  furnish  forth.  I  promise  you  that  ’tis  a 
fine  Family  Feast  that  he  comes  across.  What  but  ribs  of  Beef  and 
Strong  Ale — none  of  your  Harvest  Clmk — and  old  Cider  and 
Plum-pudding  galore!  But  his  Family  will  have  none  of  his  com¬ 
pany,  and  set  the  poor  old  Shepherd  apart,  giving  him  but  an  extra 
lump  of  Bread  and  Cheese  to  regale  himself  withal.  ’Twas  he  who 
told  the  Story  to  my  Friend,  from  whom  I  heard  it.  What,  think 
you,  was  his  simple  complaint,  his  sole  Protest  againsf  so  much 
Cruelty  and  Injustice?  He  did  not  rush  into  the  Feasting- Room 
and  curse  these  Ingrates;  he  did  not  trample  on  this  Brood  that  he 
had  nurtured,  and  that  had  turned  out  worse  in  their  Unthankful¬ 
ness  than  Vipers;  no,  he  just  sat  apart,  wringing  of  his  Hands,  and 
meekly  wailing,  “  What,  a  weddin’,  and  narrer  a  bit  o’  puddin’ — 
narrer  a  bit,  a  bit  o’  puddin!”  The  poor  soul  had  set  his  head  on 
a  slice  of  dough  with  raisins  in  it,  and  even  this  crumb  from  their 
Table  was  denied  him  by  his  Cubs.  ’Tis  a  brave  thing,  is  it  not, 
Neighbor,  to  be  come  to  Threescore  Years,  and  to  have  had  Fruit¬ 
ful  Loins,  and  to  be  Mocked  and  Misused  by  those  thou  hast  begot¬ 
ten?  How  infinitely  better  do  we  deem  ourselves  than  the  Cat 
and  Dog,  and  yet  how  often  do  we  imitate  those  Dumb  Beasts  in 
our  own  degree!  fondling  them  indeed  when  they  are  Kittens  and 
Puppies,  but  fighting  Tooth  and  Nail  with  them  when  they  be  full- 
grown.  But  there  is  as  much  to  be  said  on  the  one  side  as  on  the 
ptlier;  and  for  every  poor  old'  Lear  wandering  up  and  down,  pur- 


166 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


sued  by  the  spite  of  Goneril  and  Regan,  shall  you  find  a  Cordelia 
whose  heart  is  broken  by  her  Sire's  Cruelty. 

We  did  not  long  abide  in  Ostend.  Presently  my  master  grew 
lired  of  the  Town,  as  he  did  of  most  Things,  and  longed  for  change. 
He  had  no  belter  words  for  the  Innkeepers,  Merchants,  and  others 
who  attended  him  than  to  call  them  a  parcel  of  Extortionate  Thieves, 
and  to  vow  that  they  were  all  in  a  conspiracy  for  robbing  and  bring¬ 
ing  him  to  the  Poor  House.  He  often  did  us  the  honor  to  accuse  us 
of  being  in  the  Plot;  and  many  a  time  I  felt  inclined  to  resent  his 
Impertinence  and  to  cudgel  the  abusive  little  man  soundly;  but  I 
was  wise,  and  held  my  Tongue  and  my  Hand  as  well.  Following 
the  Chaplain’s  advice,  and  humoring  this  little  Man-monkey  in  all 
his  caprices,  I  found  that  he  was  not  so  bad  a  master  after  all,  and 
that  when  he  was  Drunk,  which  was  almost  always,  he  could  be 
generous  enough.  When  he  was  sober  and  bewailed  his  excessive 
Expenditure,  our  policy  was  to  be  Mum,  or  else  to  Flatter  him;  and 
so  no  bones  were  broken,  and  I  was  well  clad  and  fed,  and  always 
had  a  piece  of  gold  in  my  pouch,  and  so  began  to  Feel  my  Feet. 

We  visited  most  of  the  towns  in  the  Low  Countries,  then  under 
the  Austrian  rule,  enjoying  ourselves,  with  but  little  occasion  for 
repining.  Now  our  traveling  was  done  on  Horseback,  and  now, 
when  there  was  a  Canal  Route,  by  one  of  those  heavy,  lumbering, 
jovial  old  boats  called  Treyckshuyts.  I  know  not  whether  I  spell 
the  word  correctly,  for  in  the  Languages  albeit  fluent  enough,  I 
could  never  be  accurate;  but  of  the  pleasant  old  vessels  themselves 
I  shall  ever  preserve  a  lively  recollection.  You  made  a  bargain 
with  the  Master  before  starting,  giving  him  so  many  guilders  for  a 
journey,  say  between  Ghent  and  Bruges,  the  charge  amounting 
generally  to  about  a  Guinea  a  day  for  each  Gentleman  passenger, 
and  half  the  sum  for  a  servant.  And  the  Domestic’s  place  on  the 
fore-deck  and  in  the  fore-cabin  was  by  no  means  an  unpleasant  one; 
for  there  he  was  sure  to  meet  good  store  of  comely  Fraus,  and 
Juugfraus  comelier  still,  with  their  clean  white  caps,  Linsey-wool¬ 
sey  petticoats,  wooden  shoes,  and  little  gold  crosses  about  their 
necks.  Farmers  and  laboring-men  and  peddlers,  with  now  and  then 
a  fat,  smirking  Priest  or  two,  who  tried  Hard  to  Convert  you,  if  by 
any  means  he  discovered  you  to  be  a  Heretic,  made  up  the  comple¬ 
ment  of  passengers  forward;  but  I,  as  a  servant,  was  often  called 
aft,  and  had  the  pick  of  both  companies,  with  but  light  duties,  and 
faring  always  like  a  Fighting  Cock.  For  no  sooner  was  our  Pas¬ 
sage  Money  paid  than  it  became  my  duty  to  lay  in  a  Great  Stock 
of  Provisions  for  the  voyage,  my  master  disdaining  to  put  up  with 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


167 


the  ordinary  country  Fare  of  dried  fish,  salted  beef,  pickled  Cab¬ 
bage,  hard-boiled  eggs,  faro-Beer,  Schiedam,  and  so  forth,  and  in¬ 
structing  me,  under  Mr.  Hodge’s  direction,  to  purchase  Game,  Veni¬ 
son,  Fruit,  Vegetables,  Preserves,  Cneeses,  and  other  condiments, 
with  a  sufficient  number  of  flasks  of  choice  wine,  and  a  little  keg 
of  strong  cordial,  for  fear  of  Accidents.  And  aboard  the  Treyck- 
shuyt  it  was  all  Singing  and  Dancing  and  Carding  and  drinking  of 
Toasts.  The  quantity  of  Tobacco  that  the  country  people  took  was 
alarming,  and  the  fumes  thereof  at  first  highly  displeasing  to  Mr. 
Pinchin;  but  I,  from  my  sea  education,  and  the  Time  I  had  passed 
in  the  Western  Indies,  was  a  seasoned  vessel  as  to  tobacco;  and 
often  when  my  Master  had  gone  to  his  cabin  for  the  night  was 
permitted  to  partake  off  a  Puff  on  deck  with  the  Rev.  Mr. 
Hodge,  who  dearly  loved  his  Pipe  of  Virginia.  The  Chaplain  al¬ 
ways  called  me  John  D. ;  and  indeed  by  this  time  I  seemed  to  be 
fast  losing  the  character  as  well  as  the  name  of  Dangerous.  My 
life  was  passed  in  the  Plenitude  of  Fatness;  and  I  may  sajr  almost 
that  I  was  at  Grass  with  Nebuchadnezzar,  and  had  one  Life  with 
the  beasts  of  the  field;  for  my  days  were  given  up  to  earthly  in¬ 
dulgences,  and  I  was  no  better  than  a  stalled  ox.  But  the  old  perils 
and  troubles  of  my  career  wrere  only  Dormant,  and  ere  long  I  was 
to  become  Jack  Dangerous  again. 

A  year  passed  away  in  this  eating  and  drinking,  dozy,  lazy  kind 
of  life.  I  was  seventeen  years  of  age,  and  it  was  the  autumn  of  the 
year  ’29.  We  were  resting  for  a  time — not  that  Master,  Chaplain, 
or  Man  ever  did  much  to  entitle  them  to  repose — at  the  famous 
watering-place  of  Spa,  close  to  the  German  Frontier.  We  put  up 
at  the  Silver  Stag,  where  we  were  entertained  in  very  Handsome 
Style.  Spa,  or  the  Spaw,  as  it  was  sometimes  called,  was  then 
one  of  the  most  Renowned  Baths  in  Europe,  and  wTas  attended  by 
the  very  Grandest  company.  Here,  when  we  arrived,  wTas  my  Lord 
Duke  of  Tantivy,  an  English  nobleman  of  the  very  Highest  Figure, 
accompanied  by  my  Lady  Duchess,  the  Lord  Marquis  of  Newmar¬ 
ket,  his  Grace’s  Son  and  Heir,  who  made  Rare  Work  at  the  gam¬ 
ing  table«,  with  which  the  place  abounded;  the  Ladies  Kitty  and 
Bell  Jockeymore,  his  daughters;  and  attended  by  a  Numerous  and 
sumptuous  suite.  Here  also  did  I  see  the  famous  French  Prince  de 
Noisy-Gevres,  then  somewhat  out  of  favor  at  the  French  Court  for 
writing  of  a  Lampoon  on  one  of  his  Eminence  the  Cardinal  Min¬ 
ister  s  Lady  Favorites;  the  Great  Muscovite  Boyard  Stchigakoff, 
who  had  been  here  ever  since  the  Czar  Peter  his  master  hai  hon¬ 
ored  the  Spaw  with  his  presence;  and  any  number  of  Foreign  Nota- 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS 


168 

bilities  of  the  most  Illustrious  Rank,  and  of  either  sex.  Money 
was  the  great  Master  of  the  Ceremonies,  however,  and  he  who  had 
the  Longest  Purse  wras  bidden  to  the  Bravest  Entertainments.  The 
English  of  Quality,  indeed  (as  is  their  custom,  which  makes  ’em  so 
hated  by  Foreigners),  kept  themselves  very  much  to  themselves, 
and  my  Lord  Duke  of  Tantivy’s  party,  with  the  exception  of  the 
Marquis  of  Newmarket,  who  was  good  enough  to  Borrow  a  score  of 
gold  pieces  from  us,  and  to  Rook  us  at  cards  now  and  then,  took 
not  the  slightest  notice  of  my  poor  little  Master,  who  was  dying  to 
be  introduced  into  Polite  Society,  and  spread  abroad  those  fictions 
of  his  cousinage  to  Lady  Betty  Heeltap  and  my  Lord  Poddle  every¬ 
where  he  went;  but  the  French  and  German  Magnificoes  were  less 
Haughty,  and  were  glad  to  receive  an  English  Traveler  who,  when 
his  Vanity  was  concerned,  would  spend  his  cash  without  stint.  We 
drank  a  great  deal  of  the  Water  of  the  Spaw,  and  uncommonly 
nasty  it  was,  making  it  a  Thing  of  vital  necessity  to  take  the  Taste 
of  it  out  of  our  Mouths  as  soon  as  might  be  with  Wine  and  Strong 
Waters. 

From  the  Spaw  we  went  by  easy  Stages  to  Cologne,  a  dirty,  foul¬ 
smelling  place,  but  very  Handsome  in  Buildings,  and  saw  all  that 
was  to  be  seen,  that  is  to  say,  the  churches,  which  Abound  Greatly. 
The  Jesuits’  Church  is  the  neatest,  and  this  was  shown  us  in  a  very 
complaisant  manner,  although  ’tis  not  the  custom  to  allow  Protes¬ 
tants  to  enter  it.  Our  Cicerone  was  a  bouncing  young  Jesuit,  with 
a  Face  as  Rosy  as  the  sunny  side  of  a  Katherine  Pear;  but  it 
shocked  me  to  hear  how  he  indulged  in  Drolleries  and  Railleries  in 
the  very  edifice  itself.  He  quizzed  both  the  Magnificence  and! 
Tawdriness  of  the  Altars,  the  Images  of  the  Saints,  the  Rich  Fram¬ 
ing  of  the  Relics,  and  all  he  came  across,  seeming  no  more  impressed 
by  their  solemnity  than  the  Verger  Fellow  in  Westminster  Abbey 
when  he  shows  the  Wax- work  to  a  lot  of  Yokels  at  sixpence  a  head. 

‘  ‘  Surely,  ’  ’  I  thought,  ‘  ‘  there  must  be  something  wrong  in  ai 
Faith  whose  Professors  make  so  light  of  its  ceremonies,  and  turn 
Buffoons  in  the  very  Temples;”  nor  could  I  help  murmuring  in¬ 
wardly  at  that  profusion  of  Pearls,  Diamonds,  and  Rubies  bestowed; 
on  the  adornment  of  a  parcel  of  old  Bones,  decayed  Teeth,  and  dirty 
Rags.  A  Fine  English  Lady,  all  paint  and  Furbelows,  who  was  in 
the  church  with  us,  honestly  owned  that  she  coveted  St.  Ursula’s 
great  Pearl  Necklace,  and,  says  she,  “  ’Tis  no  sin,  and  not  covet¬ 
ing  one’s  neighbor’s  goods,  for  neither  St.  Ursula  nor  the  Jesuits 
are  any  Neighbors  of  mine;”  and  as  for  my  Master,  he  stared  at  a 
Great  St.  Christopher,  mighty  fine  in  Silver,  and  said  that  it  would 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


169 


have  looked  very  well  as  an  Ornament  for  a  Cistern  in  his  garden 
at  Hampstead. 

From  Cologne  to  Nuremberg  was  five  days,  traveling  post  from 
Frankfort;  and  here  we  observed  the  difference  between  the  Free 
Towns  of  Germany  and  those  under  the  government  of  petty  Abso¬ 
lute  Princes.  The  streets  of  Nuremberg  are  well  built,  and  full  of 
People;  the  shops  are  loaded  with  Merchandise,  and  commonly 
Clean  and  Cheerful.  In  Cologne  and  Wurtsburg  there  was  but  a 
sort  of  shabby  finery;  a  number  of  dirty  People  of  Quality  saun¬ 
tered  out;  narrow  nasty  streets  out  of  repair;  and  above  half  of  the 
common  Sort  asking  Alms.  Mr.  Hodge,  who  would  have  his  jest, 
compared  a  Free  Town  to  a  handsome,  clean  Dutch  Burgher’s  wife, 
and  a  Petty  Prince’s  capital  to  a  poor  Town  Lady  of  Pleasure, 
painted  and  ribboned  out  in  her  Head-dress,  with  tarnished  Silver- 
lace  shoes,  and  a  ragged  Under-Petticoat— a  miserable  mixture  of 
Vice  and  Poverty. 

Here  at  Nuremberg  they  had  Sumptuary  Laws,  each  man  and 
woman  being  compelled  to  dress  according  to  his  Degree,  and  the 
Better  sort  only  being  licensed  to  wear  Kicli  suits  of  clothes.  And, 
to  my  thinking  (though  the  Putting  it  in  Practice  might  prove 
somewhat  inconvenient),  we  should  be  much  belter  off  in  England 
if  some  such  laws  were  made  for  the  moderation  and  restraining  of 
Excess  and  Extravagance  in  Apparel.  As  folks  dress  nowadays,  it 
is  impossible  to  tell  Base  Raff  from  the  Highest  Quality.  What 
with  the  cheapness  of  Manufactured  goods,  and  the  pernicious  in¬ 
troduction  of  imitation  Gold  and  Silver  lace,  you  shall  find  Drapers’ 
apprentices,  Tavern  drawers,  and  Cook  wenches,  making  as  Brave 
a  Figure  on  Sundays  as  their  masters  and  mistresses;  and  many  a 
young  Spark  has  been  brought  to  the  Gallows,  and  many  a  poor 
Lass  to  Bridewell  or  the  ’Spital,  through  an  over  Fondness  for 
cheap  Finery,  and  a  crazy  conceit  for  dressing  like  their  betters. 

Nuremberg  hath  its  store  of  Churches  and  Relics,  and  the  like; 
and  even  the  Lutherans,  who  are  usually  thought  to  be  so  strict  and 
severe  in  the  adornment  of  their  Temples,  have  in  one  of  ’em  a  large 
Cross  fairly  set  with  jewels.  But  this  is  nothing  to  the  Popish  High 
Church,  where  they  have  at  least  a  score  of  Saints,  all  dressed  out 
in  laced  clothes,  and  fair  Full-bottomed  Wigs  plentifully  powdered. 
Here  did  we  come  across  a  Prince  Bishop  of  one  of  the  Electoral 
German  Towns,  traveling  with  a  Mighty  Retinue  of  Canons  and 
Priests,  and  Assessors  and  Secretaries,  and  a  long  train  of  Mules 
most  richly  caparisoned,  with  a  guard  of  a  hundred  Musketeers, 


170 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


with  violet  liveries  and  Miters  broidered  on  their  cartouch-boxes, 
to  keep  the  Prince  Bishop  from  coming  to  harm.  My  Master  dined 
with  this  Reverend  Personage,  although  Mr.  Hodge,  to  maintain 
the  purity  of  his  cloth,  kept  aloof  from  any  such  Papistical  enter¬ 
tainment;  but  I  was  of  the  party,  it  being  my  duty  to  wait  behind 
the  Squire’s  chair.  We  dined  at  two  of  the  clock  on  very  rich 
meats,  high  spiced,  as  I  have  usually  found  Princes  and  Bishops  to 
like  their  victuals  (for  the  Plainer  sort  soon  Pall  on  their  Palates); 
and  after  dinner  there  was  a  Carousal,  which  'lasted  well-nigh  till 
bed-time.  His  Episcopal  Highness’s  Master  of  the  Horse  (though 
the  title  of  Master  of  the  Mules,  on  which  beasts  the  company 
mostly  rode,  would  have  better  served  him)  got  somewhat  too  Merry 
on  Rhenish  about  Dusk,  and  was  carried  out  to  the  stable,  where 
the  Palefreneers  littered  him  down  with  straw,  as  though  he  had 
been  a  Horse  or  a  Mule  himself,  and  then  a  little  fat  Canon,  who 
was  the  Buffoon  or  Jack  Pudding  of  the  party,  sung  songs  over  his 
drink  which  were  not  in  the  least  like  unto  Hymns  or  Canticles, 
but  rather  of  a  most  Mundane,  not  to  say  Loose,  order  of  Chant. 
His  Highness  (who  wore  the  Biggest  Emerald  ring  on  his  right  Fore¬ 
finger,  over  his  glove,  that  ever  I  saw)  took  a  great  fancy  to  my 
Master,  and  at  Parting  pledged  him  in  choice  Rhenish  in  the  hand¬ 
somest  fashion,  using  for  that  purpose  a  Silver  Bell  holding  at  least 
a  Pint  and  a  half  English.  Out  of  this  Bell  he  takes  the  clapper, 
and  holding  it  mouth  upward,  drains  it  to  the  health  of  my  Master, 
then  fixes  the  clapper  in  again,  Topsy-turvies  his  goblet,  and  rings 
a  peal  on  the  bell  to  show  that  he  is  a  right  Skinker.  My  Master 
does  the  same,  as  in  Duty  Bound,  and  mighty  Flustered  he  got  be¬ 
fore  the  Ringing-time  came;  and  then  the  little  Fat  Canon  that  sung 
the  songs  essayed  to  do  the  same,  but  was  in  such  a  Quandary  of 
Liquor,  that  he  spills  a  pint  over  Mr.  Secretary’s  lace  bands,  and 
the  two  would  have  fallen  to  Fisticuffs  but  for  his  Episcopal  High¬ 
ness  (who  laughed  till  his  Sides  Shook  again)  commanding  that  they 
should  be  separated  by  the  Lackeys.  This  was  the  most  jovial 
Bishop  that  I  did  meet  with;  and  I  have  heard  that  he  was  a  good 
kind  of  man  enough  to  the  Poor,  and  not  a  harsh  Sovereign  to  his 
subjects,  especially  to  the  Female  Part  who  were  fortunate  enough 
to  be  pretty;  but  young  as  I  was,  and  given  to  Pleasures,  I  could 
not  help  lifting  up  my  Hands  in  shocked  Amazement  to  see  this 
Roistering  kind  of  life  held  by  a  Christian  Prelate.  And  it  is  cer¬ 
tain  that  many  of  the  High  Dutch  Church  Dignitaries  were  at  this 
time  addicled  to  a  most  riotous  mode  of  living.  ’Twas  thought  no 
scandal  in  a  Bishop  to  Drink,  or  to  Dice,  or  to  gallivant  after  Damo- 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


171 


eels;  but  woe  be  to  him  if  lie  Dared  to  Dance,  for  the  Shaking  of  a 
Leg  (that  had  a  cassock  over  it)  was  held  to  be  a  most  Heinous  and 
Unpardonable  Sin. 

Next  to  Ratisbon,  where  Mr.  Pinchin  was  Laid  up  with  a  Fever 
brought  on  by  High  living,  and  for  more  than  Five  Weeks  remained 
between  Life  and  Death,  causing  both  to  Mr.  Hodge  and  myself  the 
Greatest  Anxiety;  for,  with  all  his  Faults  and  Absurd  Humors, 
there  was  something  about  the  little  Man  that  made  us  Bear  with 
him.  And  to  be  in  his  Service,  for  all  his  capricious  and  passing 
Meannesses,  was  to  be*  in  very  Good  Quarters  indeed.  He  was 
dreadfully  frightened  at  the  prospect  of  Slipping  his  Cable  in  a 
Foreign  Land,  and  was  accustomed,  during  the  Delirium  that  ac¬ 
companied  the  Fever,  to  call  most  piteously  on  his  Mamma,  some¬ 
times  fancying  himself  at  Hampstead,  and  sometimes  battling  with 
the  Waves  in  the  Agonies  of  the  cramp,  as  I  first  came  across  him 
at  Ostend.  When  he  grew  better,  to  our  Infinite  Relief,  the  old  fit 
of  Economy  came  upon  him,  and  he  must  needs  make  up  his  mind 
to  Diet  himself  upon  Panada  and  Mint  Tea,  taking  no  other  nour¬ 
ishment  until  his  Doctor  tells  him  that  if  he  did  not  fall  to  with  a 
Roast  chicken  and  a  flask  of  White  Wine,  he  would  sink  and  Die 
from  pure  Exhaustion.  After  this  he  began  to  Pick  up  a  bit,  and 
to  Relish  his  Victuals;  but  it  was  woful  to  see  the  countenance  he 
pulled  when  the  Doctor’s  Bill  was  brought  him,  and  he  found  that 
he  had  something  like  Eighty  Pounds  sterling  to  pay  for  a  Sickness 
of  Forty  Days.  Of  course  he  swore  that  he  had  not  had  a  tithe  of 
the  Draughts  and  Mixtures  that  were  set  down  to  him — and  he  had 
not  indeed  consumed  them  bodily,  for  the  poor  little  Wretch  would 
have  assuredly  Died  had  he  swallowed  a  Twentieth  Part  of  the  Vile 
Messes  that  the  Pill-blistering  Gentleman  sent  in;  but  Draughts  and 
Mixtures  had  all  duly  arrived,  and  we  in  our  Discretion  had  un¬ 
corked  them,  and  thrown  the  major  part  of  their  contents  out  of 
window.  We  were  in  league,  forsooth  (so  he  said),  with  the  Doctor 
to  Eat  and  Ruin  him,  and  ’twas  not  till  the  latter  had  threatened  to 
appeal  to  the  Burgomaster,  and  to  have  us  all  clapped  up  in  the 
Town  Jail  for  roving  adventurers  (for  they  manage  things  with  a 
High  Hand  at  Ratisbon),  that  the  convalescent  would  consent  to 
Discharge  the  Pill-blisterer’s  demands;  and,  granting  even  that  all 
this  Muckwash  had  been  supplied,  the  Doctor  must  have  been  an 
Extortioner,  and  have  made  a  Smart  Profit  out  of  that  said  Fever; 
for  he  presses  a  compliment  of  a  silver  snulf-box  on  the  Chaplain, 
giving  me  also  privately  a  couple  of  Golden  Ducats;  nor  have  I  any 
doubt  that  the  Innkeeper  had  also  his  commission  to  receive  for 


172 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


recommending  a  Doctor  to  the  sick  Englishman,  and  was  duly  sat¬ 
isfied  by  Meinheer  Bolus. 

There  was  the  Innkeeper’s  bill  itself  to  be  unpouched,  and  a 
mighty  Pother  there  was  over  each  item,  Mr.  Pinchin  seeming  to 
think  that  because  he  had  been  sick,  it  was  our  Duty  to  have  laid 
abed  too,  swallowing  naught  but  Draughts  and  Slops.  Truth  was, 
that  we  should  not  have  been  Equal  to  the  task  of  Nursing  and 
Tending  so  difficult  a  Patient  had  we  not  taken  Fortifying  and  Sub¬ 
stantial  Nourishment  and  a  sufficiency  of  Wholesome  Liquor;  not 
making  merry,  it  is  true,  with  indecent  revelry,  but  Bearing  up 
with  a  Grave  and  Reverent  countenance,  and  taking  our  Four 
Meals  a  day,  with  Refreshing  sups  between  whiles.  And  I  have 
always  found  that  the  vicinage  of  a  Sick-Room  is  apt  to  make  one 
exceeding  Hungry  and  Thirsty,  and  that  a  Moribund,  albeit 
he  can  take  neither  Bite  nor  Sup  himself,  is,  in  his  surround¬ 
ings,  the  cook’s  best  Friend,  and  the  Vintner’s  most  bountiful 
Patron. 

Coming  to  his  health  again,  Mr.  Pinchin  falls  nevertheless  into  a 
state  of  Dark  Melancholy  and  Despondency,  talking  now  of  return¬ 
ing  to  England,  and  ending  his  days  there,  and  now  entertaining  an 
even  Stranger  Fancy  that  had  come  over  his  capricious  mind.  We 
had  nursed  him  during  his  sickness  according  to  the  best  of  our 
Capacity,  but  felt  nevertheless  the  want  of  some  Woman’s  hand  to 
help  us.  Now  all  the  Maids  in  the  House  were  Mortally  afraid  of 
the  Fever,  and  would  not  so  much  as  enter  the  Sick  Man’s  apart¬ 
ment,  much  less  make  his  bed;  while,  if  we  had  not  taken  it  at  our 
own  Risk  1o  promise  the  Innkeeper  Double  Fees  for  lodging,  the 
cowardly  knave  would  have  turned  us  out,  Neck  and  Crop,  and  we 
should  have  been  forced  to  convey  our  poor  sufferer  to  a  common 
Hospital.  But  there  was  in  this  City  of  Ratisbon  a  convent  of 
Pious  Ladies  who  devoted  themselves  wholly  (and  without  Fee  or 
Reward  for  the  most  part)  to  works  of  Mercy  and  Charity  ;  and  Mr. 
Hodge  happening  to  mention  my  Master’s  State  to  the  English 
Banker — one  Mr.  Sturt,  who  was  a  Romanist,  but  a  very  ci  vil  kind 
of  man — he  sends  to  the  convent,  and  there  comes  down  forthwith 
to  our  inn  a  dear  Good  Nun  that  turned  out  to  be  the  most  zealous 
and  patient  Nurse  that  I  have  ever  met  with  in  my  Travels.  She 
sat  up  night  and  day  with  the  Patient,  and  could  scarcely  be  per¬ 
suaded  to  take  ever  so  little  needful  Rest  and  Refreshment.  When 
she  was  not  ministering  to  the  sufferer’s  wants  she  was  Praying, 
although  it  did  scandalize  Mr.  Hodge  a  little  to  see  her  tell  her 
Beads;  and  when  Mr.  Pinchin  was  well  enough  to  eat  his  first  slice 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


173 


of  chicken,  and  sip  his  first  beaker  of  white  wine,  she  Clapped  her 
Hands  for  joy,  and  sung  a  little  Latin  Hymn  When  it  came  to 
her  dismissal,  this  Excellent  Nun  (the  whole  of  whose  Behavior 
was  most  touchingly  Edifying)  al  first  stoutly  refused  to  accept  of 
any  Recompense  for  her  services  (which,  truly  no  Gold,  Silver,  or 
Jewels  could  have  fitly  rewarded);  and  I  am  ashamed  to  say  that 
my  Master,  who  had  then  his  Parsimonious  Nightcap  on,  was  at 
first  inclined  to  take  the  Good  Sister  at  her  Word.  Mr.  Hodge, 
however,  showed  him  the  Gross  Ingratitude  and  Indecorum  of  such 
a  proceeding,  and,  as  was  usual  with  him,  he  gave  way,  bellowing, 
however,  like  a  Calf  when  the  Chaplain  told  him  that  he  could  not 
in  Decency  do  less  than  present  a  sum  of  Fifty  Ducats  (making 
about  Forty  Pounds  of  our  Money)  to  the  convent;  for  personal  or 
private  Guerdon  the  Nun  positively  refused  to  take.  So  the  Money 
was  given,  to  the  great  delectation  of  the  Sisterhood,  who,  I  believe, 
made  up  their  minds  to  Sing  Masses  for  the  bountiful  English  Lord 
as  they  called  him,  whether  he  desired  it  or  not. 

Sorry  am  I  to  have  to  relate  that  so  Pleasant  and  Moving  an  In¬ 
cident  should  have  had  anything  like  a  Dark  side.  But  ’tis  always 
thus  in  the  World,  and  there  is  no  Rose  without  a  Thorn.  My 
master,  thanks  to  his  Chaplain,  and,  it  may  be,  likewise  to  my  own 
Humble  and  Respectful  Representations  while  I  was  a-dressing  of 
him  in  the  Morning,  had  come  out  of  this  convent  and  sick-nurse 
affair  with  Infinite  credit  to  himself  and  to  the  English  nal  ion  in 
general.  Everywhere  in  Ratisbon  was  his  Liberality  applauded; 
but,  alas,  the  publicity  that  was  given  to  his  Donation  speedily 
brought  upon  us  a  Plague  and  Swarm  of  Ravenous  Locusts  and 
Bloodsuckers.  There  were  as  many  convents  in  Ratisbon  as  plums 
in  a  Christmas  porridge;  there  were  Nuns  of  all  kinds  of  orders, 
many  of  whom,  I  am  afraid,  no  better  than  they  should  be;  there 
were  Black  Monks  and  Gray  Monks  and  Brown  Monks  and  White 
Monks,  Monks  of  all  colors  of  the  Rainbow,  for  aught  I  can  tell. 
There  were  Canons  and  Chapters  and  Priories  and  Brotherhoods 
and  Sisterhoods  and  Ecclesiastical  Hospitals  and  Priors’-Almonries 
and  Saints’  Guilds  without  end.  Never  did  I  see  a  larger  fry  of 
holy  men  and  women,  professing  to  live  only  for  the  next  world, 
but  making  the  very  best  of  this  one  while  they  were  in  it.  A 
greasy,  lazy,  worthless  Rabble-Rout  they  "were,  making  their 
Religion  a  mere  Pretext  for  Mendicancy  and  the  worst  of  crimes. 
For  the  most  part  they  were  as  Ignorant  as  Irish  Hedge  School¬ 
masters;  but  there  were  those  among  them  of  the  Jesuit,  Capuchin, 
and  Benedictine  orders;  men  very  subtle  and  dangerous,  well  ac- 


174 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


quainted  with  the  Languages,  and  able  to  twist  you  round  their 
Little  Fingers  with  False  Rhetoric  and  Lying  Persuasions. 

These  Snakes  in  the  grass  got  about  my  poor  weak-minded 
Master,  although  we,  as  True  Protestants  and  Faithful  Servants, 
did  our  utmost  to  keep  them  out;  but  if  you  closed  the  Door  against 
’em,  they  would  come  in  at  the  Key-hole;  and  if  you  made  the 
Window  fast  they  would  slip  down  the  Chimney;  and,  with  their 
Pernicious  Doctrines,  Begging  Petitions,  and  Fraudulent  Represen¬ 
tations,  did  so  Badger,  Bait,  Beleaguer,  and  Bully  him,  that  the  poor 
Man  knew  not  which  Way  to  Turn.  They  too  did  much  differ  in 
their  Theology,  and  each  order  of  Friars  seemed  to  hold  the  strong 
opinion  that  all  who  wore  cowls  cut  in  another  shape  than  theirs, 
or  shaved  their  pates  differently,  must  Infallibly  Burn;  but  they 
were  of  one  Mind  in  tugging  at  Mr.  Pinchin’s  Purse-strings,  and 
their  cry  was  ever  that  of  the  Horse-Leech’s  Three  Daughters — 
“  Give,  give!” 

Thus  they  did  extract  from  him  Forty  Crowns  in  gold  for  Redeem¬ 
ing  out  of  Slavery  among  Ihe  Sallee  Rovers  ten  Citizens  of  Ratisbon 
fallen  into  that  doleful  captivity;  although  I  do,  on  my  conscience, 
believe  that  there  were  nol  five  native-born  men  in  the  whole  city 
who  had  ever  seen  the  Salt  Sea  much  less  a  Sallee  Rover.  Next 
was  a  donation  for  a  petticoat  for  this  Saint,  and  a  wig  for  that  one; 
a  score  of  Ducats  for  a  School,  another  for  an  Hospital  for  Lepers; 
until  it  was  Ducats  here  and  Ducats  there  all  day  long.  Nor  was 
this  the  worst;  for  my  Master  began  to  be  Troubled  in  the  Spirit, 
and  to  cry  out  against  the  Vanities  of  the  World,  and  to  sigh  after 
the  Blessedness  of  a  Life  passed  in  Seclusion  and  Contemplation. 

“  I’ll  turn  Monk,  I  will,”  he  cried  out  one  day;  “  my  Lord  Duke 
of  Wharton  did  it,  and  why  should  not  I?” 

“  Monk,  and  a  Murrain  to  them,  and  Mercy  to  us  all!”  says  Mr. 
Hodge,  quite  aghast.  “  What  new  Bee  will  you  put  under  your 
Bonnet  next,  sir?” 

“You’re  a  Heretic,”  answers  Mr.  Pincliin.  “An  Anglican 
Heretic,  and  so  is  my  knave  John  here.  There’s  nothing  like  the 
old  Faith.  There’s  nothing  like  Relics.  Didn’t  I  see  a  prodigious 
claw  set  in  gold  only  yesterday  in  the  Barnabite  Church,  and  wasn’t 
that  the  true  and  undoubted  relic  of  a  Griffin?” 

“  Was  the  Griffin  a  Saint?”  asks  the  Chaplain,  humbly. 

“  What’s  that*  to  you?”  retorts  my  Master.  “  You’re  a  Heretic, 
you’re  a  Scoffer,  an  Infidel!  I  tell  you  that  I  mean  to  become  a 
Monk.” 

“  What,  and  wear  pease  in  your  shoes!  nay,  go  without  shoes  at 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


175 


all,  and  leave  off  cutting  your  toe-nails?”  quoth  the  Chaplain,  much 
irate.  “  Forsake  washing  and  the  Thirty-Nine  Articles!  Shave 
your  head,  and  forswear  the  Act  of  Settlement!  Wear  a  rope  girdle 
and  a  rosary  instead  of  a  handsome  sword  with  a  silver  hilt  at  your 
side!  Go  about  begging  and  bawling  of  paternosters!  Was  it  for 
this  that  I,  a  Clergyman  of  the  Church  of  England,  came  abroad 
with  you  to  keep  you  in  the  True  Faith  and  a  Proper  respect  for 
the  Protestant  Succession?”  Mr.  Hodge  had  quite  forgotten  the 
value  of  his  Patron’s  favor,  and  was  growing  really  angry.  In 
those  days  men  would  make  sacrifices  for  conscience’  sake. 

“  Hang  the  Protestant  Succession,  and  you,  too!”  screams  Mr. 
Pinchin. 

“  Jacobite,  Papist,  Warming-Pan!”  roars  the  Chaplain,  “I  will 
delate  you  to  the  English  Envoy  here,  and  you  shall  be  laid  by  the 
heels  as  soon  as  ever  you  set  foot  in  England.  You  shall  swing  for 
this,  sir!” 

“  Leave  the  Room!”  yells  Mr.  Pinchin,  starting  up,  but  trembling 
in  every  limb,  for  he  was  hardly  yet  convalescent  of  his  Fever. 

“  I  won’t,”  answers  the  sturdy  Chaplain.  “You  wretched  re¬ 
bellious  little  Ape,  I  arrest  you  in  the  King’s  name  and  Convoca¬ 
tion’s.  I’ll  teach  you  to  malign  the  Act  of  Settlement,  I  will!” 

Whenever  Mr.  Hodge  assumed  a  certain  threatening'  tone,  and 
began  to  pluck  at  his  cassock  in  a  certain  manner,  Mr.  Pinchin  was 
sure  to  grow  frightened.  He  was  beginning  to  look  scared,  when 
I,  who  remembering  my  place  as  a  servant  had  hitherto  said  noth¬ 
ing,  ventured  to  interpose. 

“  Oh,  Mr.  Pinchin!”  I  pleaded,  “  think  of  your  Mamma  in  Eng¬ 
land.  Why,  il  will  break  the  good  lady’s  heart  if  you  go  Rome- 
ward,  Sir.  Think  of  your  estate.  Think  of  your  tenants  and  the 
Commission  of  the  Peace,  and  the  duties  of  a  Liveryman  of  the 
City  of  London.  ’  ’ 

I  knew  that  I  had  touched  my  Master  in  a  tender  part,  and  anon 
he  began  to  whimper,  and  cry  about  his  Mamma,  who,  he  shrewdly 
enough  remarked,  might  cause  his  Estate  to  be  sequestrated  under 
the  Act  against  Alienation  of  Lands  by  Popish  Recusants,  and  so 
rob  the  Monks  of  their  prey.  And  then,  being  soothingly  addressed 
by  Mr.  Hodge,  he  admitted  that  the  Friars  were  for  the  greater  part 
Beggars  and  Thieves;  and  before  supper- time  we  obtained  an  easy 
permission  from  him  to  drive  those  Pestilent  Gentry  from  the  doors, 
and  deny  him  on  every  occasion  when  they  should  be  impudent 
enough  to  seek  admission  to  his  presence. 

We  were  no  such  high  Favorites  in  Ratisbon  after  this;  and  I  be- 


176 


CAPTAIN  DANGEKOUS. 


lieve  the  Jesuits  denounced  us  to  the  Inquisition  at  Rome — in  case 
we  should  ever  go  that  way — that  the  Capuchins  cursed  us,  and  the 
Benedictines  preached  against  us.  The  Town  Authorities  began 
also  to  look  upon  us  with  a  cold  eye  of  suspicion;  and  but  for  the 
sojourn  of  an  English  Envoy  in  Ratisbon  (we  had  diplomatic  agents 
then  all  over  the  Continent,  and  very  little  they  did  for  their  Money 
save  Dance  and  Intrigue),  the  Burgomaster  and  his  Councilors 
might  have  gotten  up  against  us  what  the  French  do  call  une  querelle 
d' Allemand,  which  may  be  a  Quarrel  about  Anything,  and  is  a 
Fashion  of  Disagreeing  peculiar  to  the  Germans,  who  may  take 
offense  at  the  cock  of  your  Hat  or  the  cut  of  your  Coat,  and  make 
either  of  them  a  State  affair.  Indeed,  I  believe  that  some  Im¬ 
prudent  Expressions,  made  use  of  by  my  Master  on  seeing  the 
Horrible  Engines  ol  Torture  shown  to  the  curious  in  the  vaults  of 
the  castle,  were  very  nearly  being  construed  into  High  Treason  by 
the  unfriendly  clerical  party,  and  that  an  Information  by  the  Stadt- 
Assessor  was  being  actually  drawn  up  against  him,  when,  by  much 
Persuasion  coupled  with  some  degree  of  gentle  Violence,  we  got 
him  away  from  Ratisbon  altogether. 


CHAPTER  THE  FOURTEENTH. 

OF  THE  MANNER  IN  WHICH  I  CAME  TO  THE  FAMOUS  CITY  OF 

PARIS. 

From  Ratisbon  we  traveled  down  the  River  Danube,  in  a  very 
pleasant  and  agreeable  manner,  in  a  kind  of  Wooden  House  mount¬ 
ed  on  a  flat-bottomed  Barge,  and  not  unlike  a  Noah’s  Ark.  ’Twas 
most  convenient,  and  even  handsomely  laid  out,  with  Parlors,  and 
with  Drawing-Rooms,  and  Kitchens  and  Stoves,  and  a  broad 
planked  Promenade  over  all,  railed  in,  and  with  Flowering  Plants 
in  pots  by  the  sides,  quite  like  a  garden.  They  are  rowed  by  twelve 
men  each,  and  move  with  an  almost  Incredible  Celerity;  so  that  in 
the  same  day  one  can  Delight  one’s  Eye  with  a  vast  Variety  of 
Prospects;  and  within  a  short  space  of  time  the  Traveler  has  the 
diversion  of  seeing  a  populous  City  adorned  with  magnificent 
Palaces,  and  the  most  Romantic  Solitude,  which  appear  quite 
Apart  from  the  commerce  of  Mankind,  the  banks  of  the  Danube 
being  exquisitely  disposed  into  Forests,  Mountains,  Vineyards 
rising  in  Terraces  one  above  the  other,  Fields  of  Corn  and  Rye, 
great  Towns,  and  Ruins  of  Ancient  Castles.  Now  for  the  first 
time  did  I  see  the  Cities  of  Passau  and  of  Lintz,  famous  for  the  re* 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


177 


treat  of  the  Imperial  Court  when  Vienna  was  besieged  b}r  the  Great 
Turk,  the  same  that  John  Sobieski,  King  of  Poland,  timeously  De¬ 
feated  and  put  to  Rout,  to  the  great  shame  of  the  Osmanlis,  and  the 
Everlasting  Glory  of  the  Christian  arms. 

And  now  for  Vienaa.  This  is  the  capital  ot  the  German  Emperor, 
Kaiser,  or  Caesar  as  he  calls  himself,  and  a  mighty  mob  of  under- 
Csesars  or  Archdukes  he  has  about  him.  In  my  young  days  the 
Holy  Roman  Empire  was  a  Flourishing  concern,  and  made  a  great 
noise  in  the  world;  but  now  people  do  begin  to  speak  somewhat 
scornfully  of  it,  and  to  hold  it  in  no  very  great  Account,  principally, 
I  am  told,  owing  to  the  leveling  Principles  of  the  Emperor  Joseph 
the  Second,  who,  instead  of  keeping  up  the  proper  State  of  Despotic 
Rule  and  filling  his  Subjects’  minds  with  a  due  impression  of  the 
Dreadful  Awe  of  Imperial  Majesty,  has  taken  to  occupying  himself 
with  the  affairs  of  mean  and  common  persons — such  as  Paupers.. 
Debtors,  Criminals,  Orphans,  Mechanics,  and  the  like — quite  turn¬ 
ing  his  back  on  the  Exalted  Tradition  of  undisputed  power,  and 
saying  sneeringly,  that  he  only  bore  Crown  and  Scepter  because 
Royalty  was  his  Trade.  This  they  call  a  Reforming  Sovereign, 
but  I  can  not  see  what  good  comes  out  of  such  wild  Humors  and 
Fancies.  It  is  as  though  my  Lord  Duke  were  to  ask  his  Running 
Footman  to  sit  down  at  table  with  him;  beg  the  Coachman  not 
to  trouble  himself  about  stable  work,  but  go  wash  the  carriage- 
wheels  and  currycomb  the  Horses  himself;  bid  my  Lady  Duchess 
and  his  Daughters  dress  themselves  in  Dimity  Gowns  and  Mob 
caps,  while  Sukey  Mops  and  Dorothy  Draggletail  went  off  to  the 
Drawing-room  in  Satin  sacks  and  High -heeled  shoes;  and,  to  cap 
his  Absurdities,  called  up  all  his  Tenants  to  tell  them  that  hence¬ 
forth  they  were  to  pay  no  Rent  or  Manor  Dues  at  the  Court  Leet, 
but  to  have  their  Farms  in  freehold  forever.  No;  it  is  certain  the 
World  can  not  go  on  without  Authority,  and  that  too  of  the  Smart¬ 
est.  What  would  you  think  of  a  ship  where  the  Master  Mariner 
had  no  power  over  his  crew,  and  no  license  to  put  ’em  in  the  Bil¬ 
boes,  or  have  ’em  put  at  the  gangway  to  be  Drubbed  soundly  when 
they  deserved  it?  And  these  Reforming  Sovereigns,  as  they  call 
’em,  are  only  making,  to  my  mind,  Rods  for  their  own  Backs,  and 
Halters  for  their  own  Necks.  Where  would  the  Crown  and  Majesty 
be  now,  I  wonder,  if  His  Blessed  Majesty  had  given  way  to  the  Im¬ 
pudent  Demands  of  Mr.  Washington  and  the  American  Rebels?* 

*  Had  Captain  Dangerous  written  his  memoirs  a  few  years  later,  he  might 
have  found  cause  to  alter  his  opinion  respecting  the  wisdom  of  George  III.  in 
refusing  to  grant  the  American  demands. 


178 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


The  Streets  of  Vienna,  when  I  first  visited  that  capital,  were  very 
close  and  narrow — so  narrow,  indeed,  that  the  fine  fronts  of  the 
Palaces  (which  are  very  Grand)  can  scarcely  be  seen.  Many  of 
’em  deserve  close  observation,  being  truly  Superb,  all  built  of  Fine 
White  Stone,  and  excessive  high,  the  town  being  much  too  little 
for  the  number  of  its  inhabitants.  But  the  Builders  seem  to  have 
repaired  that  Misfortune  by  clapping  one  town  on  the  top  of  an¬ 
other,  most  of  the  Houses  being  of  Five  and  some  of  Six  Stories. 
The  Streets  being  so  narrow,  the  rooms  are  all  exceeding  Dark, 
and  never  so  humble  a  mansion  but  has  half  a  dozen  families  living 
in  it.  In  the  Handsomest  even  all  Ranks  and  Conditions  are 
Mingled  together  pell-mell.  You  shall  find  Field-Marshals,  Lieu¬ 
tenants,  Aulic  Councilors,  and  Great  Court  Ladies  divided  but  by  a 
thin  partition  from  the  cabins  of  Tailors  and  Shoe-makers;  and  few 
even  of  the  Quality  could  afford  a  House  to  themselves,  or  had 
more  than  Two  Floors  in  a  House — one  for  their  own  use,  and  an¬ 
other  for  their  Domestics.  It  was  the  Dead  Season  of  the  year 
when  we  came  to  this  City,  and  so,  at  not  so  very  enormous  a  rate, 
we  got  a  suite  of  six  or  eight  large  rooms,  all  inlaid,  the  Doors  and 
Windows  richly  carved  and  gilt,  and  the  Furniture  such  as  is  rarely 
seen  but  in  the  Palaces  of  Sovereign  Princes  in  other  countries;  the 
Hangings  in  finest  tapestry  in  Brussels,  prodigious  large  looking- 
glasses  in  silver  frames  (in  making  which  they  are  exceedingly 
Expert);  fine  Japan  Tables,  Beds,  Chairs,  Canopies,  and  Curtains 
of  the  richest  Genoa  Damask  or  Velvet,  almost  covered  with  gold 
lace  or  embroidery.  The  whole  made  Gay  by  Pictures,  or  Great 
Jars  of  Porcelain;  in  almost  every  room  large  lusters  of  pure 
Crystal;  and  everything  as  dirty  as  a  Second-hand  Clothes-dealer’s 
booth  in  Rag  Fair. 

We  were  not  much  invited  out  at  Yienna,  the  very  Highest  Qual¬ 
ity  only  being  admitted  to  their  company  by  the  Austrians,  who  are 
the  very  Haughtiest  and  most  exclusive  among  the  High  Dutch, 
and  look  upon  a  mere  untitled  Englishman  as  Nobody  (although 
he  may  be  of  Ten  Times  better  blood  than  their  most  noble  Ragged¬ 
nesses).  A  mean  sort,  for  all  their  finely  furnished  palaces,  and 
wearing  mighty  foul  Body  Linen.  The  first  question  they  ask, 
when  they  Hear  that  a  Stranger  desires  to  be  Presented  to  them,  is, 
“  Is  he  Born?”  The  query  having  nothing  to  do  with  the  fact  of 
his  nativity,  but  meaning  (so  I  have  been  told),  “  Has  he  five-and- 
thirty  Quarterings  in  his  Coat-of-Arms?”  And  if  he  has  but  four- 
and  thirty  (though  some  of  their  greatest  nobles  have  not  above 
Four  or  Five  Hundred  Pounds  a  year  to  live  on),  the  Stranger  is 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


179 


held  to  be  no  more  Born  than  if  he  were  an  Embryo;  and  the  Qual¬ 
ity  of  Vienna  take  no  more  notice  of  him  than  of  the  Babe  which 
is  unborn. 

Truly,  it  was  the  Dead  Season,  and  we  could  not  have  gone  to 
many  Dinners  and  Assemblies,  even  if  the  Aristocracy  had  been 
minded  to  show  hospitality  toward  us.  There  were  Theaters  and 
Operas,  however,  open,  which  much  delighted  my  Master  and  my¬ 
self  (who  was  privileged  to  attend  him),  although  the  Reverend 
Mr.  Hodge  stayed  away  for  conscience’  sake  from  such  Profane 
amusements,  comforting  himself  at  home  over  a  Merry  Book  and 
a  Bottle  of  Erlauer,  which  is  an  Hungarian  wine,  very  dark  and 
Rough,  but  as  strong  as  a  Bullock,  and  an  excellent  stomachic. 
Nothing  more  magnificent  than  the  Operas  then  performed  at  the 
Gardens  of  the  Favorite,  throwing  the  Paris  and  London  houses 
utterly  into  the  shade,  and  I  have  heard  that  the  Habits,  Decora 
tions,  and  Scene  Paintings,  cost  the  Emperor  Thirty  Thousand 
Pound  Sterling.  And  to  think  of  the  millions  of  poor  ragged 
wretches  that  must  have  been  taxed,  and  starved,  and  beaten,  and 
robbed,  and  skinned  alive,  so  to  speak,  before  His  Majesty’s  pleas¬ 
ures  would  be  paid  for*  The  Stage  in  this  Favorite  Garden  was 
built  over  a  large  canal,  and  at  the  beginning  of  the  Second  Act 
divided  (as  in  our  own  Theater  hard  by  Sadler’s  Wells)  into  Two 
Parts,  discovering  the  water,  on  which  there  immediately  came 
from  different  parts  two  little  Fleets  of  gilded  vessels,  that  gave  the 
impression  (though  ludicrously  incorrect  in  their  Riggings  and 
Maneuvers)  of  a  Sea  fight  The  story  of  the  Opera  was,  if  I  re¬ 
member  right,  the  Enchantments  of  Alcina;  an  Entertainment 
which  gave  opportunity  for  a  great  Variety  of  Machines  and 
changes  of  the  Scene,  which  "were  performed  with  surprising  swift¬ 
ness.  No  House  could  hold  such  large  Decorations.  But  the 
Ladies  all  sitting  in  the  open  air,  exposed  them  to  much  inconven¬ 
ience;  for  there  was  but  one  Canopy  for  the  Imperial  Family;  and 
the  first  night  we  were  there  a  shower  of  Rain  coming  on,  the 
Opera  was  broken  off,  and  the  Company  crowded  away  in  such 
confusion  that  we  wTere  almost  squeezed  to  Death. 

If  their  Operas  were  thus  productive  of  such  Delectable  Enter¬ 
tainment  (abating  the  Rain  and  crowding),  I  can  not  say  much  for 
their  Comedies  and  Drolls,  which  were  highly  Ridiculous.  We 
went  to  the  German  Playhouse  and  saw  the  Story  of  Amphitryon 
very  scurvily  represented.  Jupiter  falls  in  love  out  of  a  peep-hole 


*  And  yet  Captain  Dangerous  is  a  stanch  opponent  of  Reform.— Ed. 


180 


CAPTAIK  DAHGEROUS. 


in  the  clouds  in  the  beginning,  and  the  end  of  it  was  the  Birth  of 
Hercules.  It  was  very  pitiful  to  see  Jove,  under  the  figure  of 
Amphitryon,  cheating  a  Tailor  of  a  laced  coat,  and  a  Banker  of  a 
bag  of  Money,  and  a  Jew  of  a  Diamond  Ring,  with  the  like  Ras¬ 
cally  Subterfuges;  and  Mercury’s  usage  of  Sosia  was  little  more 
dignified.  And  the  play  was  interlarded  with  very  gross  expres¬ 
sions  and  unseemly  gestures,  such  as  in  England  would  not  be 
tolerated  by  the  Master  of  the  Revels,  or  even  in  France  by  the 
Gentleman  of  the  Chamber  having  charge  over  the  Theaters,  but  at 
which  the  Vinnnese  Quality,  both  Male  and  Female,  did  laugh 
Heartily  and  with  much  Gusto. 

Memorandum.  As  some  of  the  Manners  then  existing  have 
passed  away  (in  this  sad  changeful  age,  when  everything  seems 
melting  away  like  Cowheel  Jelly  at  a  Wedding  Feast),  I  have  set 
down  for  those  curious  in  such  matters  that  the  Vienna  Dames 
were  squeezed  up  in  my  time  in  gowns  and  gorgets,  and  had  built 
fabrics  of  gauze  on  their  Heads  about  a  yard  high,  consisting  of 
Three  or  Four  Stories,  fortified  with  numberless  yards  of  heavy 
Ribbon.  The  foundation  of  this  alarming  structure  was  a  thing 
they  called  a  Bourle ,  which  was  exactly  of  the  same  shape  and 
kind — only  four  times  Bigger — as  those  Rolls  which  our  Milk  maids 
make  use  of  to  fix  their  Pails  upon.  This,  machine  they  covered 
with  their  own  hair,  with  which  they  mixed  a  great  deal  of  False; 
it  being  a  Particular  and  Especial  Grace  with  them  to  have  their 
Heads  too  large  to  go  into  a  moderate-sized  Tub.  Their  Hair  was 
prodigiously  powdered  to  conceal  the  mixture,  and  so  set  out  with 
numerous  rows  of  Bodkins,  sticking  out  three  or  four  Inches  on  each 
side,  made  of  Diamonds,  Pearls,  Green,  Red,  and  Yellow  Stones, 
that  it  certainly  required  as  much  Art  and  Experience  to  carry  the 
load  upright  as  to  dance  on  May-day  with  the  Garland  that  the 
Dairy  Wenches  borrow  (under  good  security)  from  the  Silversmiths 
in  Cranbourn  Alley.  Also  they  had  Whalebone  Petticoats,  out¬ 
doing  ours  by  several  yards  in  circumference.  Vastly  Ridiculous 
were  these  Fashions — think  you  not  so,  good  Sir  or  Madame,  as  the 
case  may  be?  And  yet,  may  I  be  whipped,  but  much  later  in  the 
present  century  I  have  seen  such  things  as  hoops,  tours,  and  tou¬ 
pees,  not  one  whit  less  Ridiculous. 

The  Empress,  a  sweet  pretty  lady,  was  perforce  obliged  to  wear 
this  Habit;  but  with  the  other  Female  Grandees  it  only  served  to 
increase  their  natural  Ugliness.  Memorandum:  that  at  Court 
(whither  we  went  not,  being  “  unborn,”  but  heard  a  great  deal  of 
it  from  hearsay)  a  Game  called  Quinze  was  the  Carding  most  in 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


181 


vogue.  Their  drawing-rooms  are  different  from  those  in  England, 
no  Man  Creature  entering  them  but  the  old  Grand-Master,  who 
comes  to  announce  to  the  Empress  the  arrival  of  His  Imperial 
Majesty  the  Caesar.  Much  gravity  and  Ceremony  at  these  Recep¬ 
tions,  and  all  very  Formal,  but  decent.  The  Empress  sits  in  a 
great  easy-chair;  but  the  Archduchesses  are  ranged  on  chairs  with 
tad,  straight  Backs,  but  without  arms;  whilst  the  other  Ladies  of 
the  Court  (poor  things)  may  stand  on  one  Leg,  or  lean  against  side¬ 
boards,  to  rest  themselves  as  they  chose;  but  Sit  Down  they  Dare 
not.  This  is  the  same  Discipline,  I  believe,  that  still  prevails,  and 
so  I  speak  of  it  in  the  present  tense.  The  table  is  entirely  set  out, 
and  served  by  the  'Empress’s  Maids  of  Honor  (who  put  on  the  very 
dishes  and  sauces),  Twelve  young  Ladies  of  the  First  Quality, 
having  no  Salary  but  their  chamber  at  court  (like  our  Maids  at  the 
Montpelier  by  Twitnam),  where  they  live  in  a  kind  of  Honorable 
Captivity,  not  being  suffered  to  go  to  the  Assemblies  or  Public 
Places  in  Town,  except  in  compliment  to  the  Wedding  of  a  Sister 
Maid,  whom  the  Empress  always  presents  with  her  picture  set  in 
Diamonds.  And  yet,  for  all  their  Strict  confinement,  I  have  heard 
fine  Accounts  of  the  goings-on  of  these  noble  Ladies.  The  first 
three  of  them  are  called  “  Ladies  of  the  Key,”  and  wear  little  golden 
keys  at  their  sides.  The  Dressers  are  not  at  all  the  figures  they 
pretend  to  in  England,  being  looked  upon  no  otherwise  than  as 
downright  Chamber-maids. 

So  much  of  the  State  and  Grandeur  of  Vienna,  then  the  most 
considerable  city  in  Germany,  though  now  Berlin,  thanks  to  the 
Genius  of  its  Puissant  Monarch,  has  Reared  its  head  very  high.  It 
was,  however,  my  cruel  Fate  to  see  something  more  of  the  Capital 
of  the  Holy  Roman  Empire,  and  that,  too,  in  a  form  that  was  of 
the  unpleasantest.  You  see  that  my  Master  and  the  Chaplain  and 
I  (when  we  had  been  some  Weeks  in  town,  and  through  the  interest 
of  the  English  Bankers  had  gotten  admission  into  some  Society  not 
quite  so  exclusive  as  the  People  who  wanted  to  know  whether  you 
were  ‘  ‘  born .’  ’)  went  out  one  afternoon  to  an  Archery  Festival  that 
was  held  in  the  garden  of  the  Archchancellor’s  Villa,  Schbnbrunn 
(now  Imperial  property).  ’Twas  necessary  to  have  some  kind  of  Intro¬ 
duction;  but  that,  if  you  stood  well  in  the  Banker’s  Books,  was  not 
very  Difficult;  and,  invited  or  not,  you  had  to  pay  a  golden  Ducat 
to  the  Usher  of  Ceremonies  (a  preposterous  creature,  like  the  Jack 
of  Diamonds  in  his  dress),  that  brought  your  ticket  to  your  lodg¬ 
ings.  So  away  we  went  to  Schbnbrunn,  and  at  a  Respectful  dis¬ 
tance  were  privileged  to  behold  two  of  the  young  Archduchesses  all 


182 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


dressed,  their  Hair  full  of  jewels,  and  with  hows  and  arrows  in 
their  hands;  while  a  little  way  off  were  placed  three  oval  pictures, 
which  were  the  marks  to  be  shot  at.  The  first  wras  a  Cupid,  filling 
a  bottle  of  Burgundy,  with  the  motto  “  Cowards  may  be  brave  here.'''’ 
The  second  Fortune,  holding  a  garland,  with  the  motto  “  Venture 
and  Wind'  The  third  a  Sword  with  a  Laurel  Wreath  at  the  point, 
and  for  legend,  “  1  can  be  vanquished  without  shame.”  At  t’other 
end  was  a  Fine  Gilded  Trophy  all  wreathed  with  flowers,  and  made 
of  little  crooks,  on  which  were  hung  rich  Moorish  Kerchiefs  (which 
were  much  affected  by  the  Yiennese,  a  people  very  fond  of  gay  and 
lively  colors),  tippets,  ribbons,  laces,  etc.,  for  the  small  prizes.  The 
Empress,  who  sat  under  a  splendid  canopy  fenced  about  by  mus¬ 
keteers  of  the  Life  Guard,  gave  away  the  first  prize  with  her  own 
hand,  which  wTas  a  brave  Ruby  Ring  set  with  Diamonds  in  a  gold 
snuff-box.  For  the  Second  prize  there  was  a  little  Cupid,  very 
nicely  done  out  in  amethysts,  and  besides  these  a  set  of  fine  Porce¬ 
lain,  of  the  kind  they  call  Eggshell  (for  its  exceeding  Tenderness 
and  Brittleness),  with  some  Japan  trunks,  feather-fans,  and  Whim- 
whams  of  that  order.  All  the  men  of  quality  in  Vienna  were 
spectators;  but  only  the  ladies  had  permission  to  shoot.  There 
was  a  good  background  of  burghers  and  strangers,  and  in  the  rear 
of  all  a  Mob  that  drank  beer  and  scrambled  for  Kreutzers,  that  the 
officers  of  the  Guard  who  were  keeping  the  Barriers  would  now 
and  then  throw  among  them  for  their  Diversion’s  sake.  And  al] 
behind  it  was  like  a  Fair,  set  out  with  Booths,  where  there  was 
shooting  and  drinking  and  Gaming,  just  at  one’s  ease;  for  I  have 
ever  found  that  in  the  most  Despotic  countries  ihe  Mobile  have  a 
kind  of  Rude  License  accorded  them;  whereas  in  States  where  there 
is  Freedom  Authority  gives  a  man  leave  to  Think,  but  very  care¬ 
fully  ties  his  hands  and  feet  whenever  he  has  a  mind  to  a  Frisk. 
My  Master  was  in  very  good  spirits  that  day  (having  quite  recovered 
his  health),  and  for  a  time  wanders  about  the  Tents,  now  treating 
the  common  people,  and  now  having  a  bumper  with  Mr.  Hodge. 
We  had  tickets  for  the  second  ring,  but  not  for  the  Inner  one, 
where  the  Quality  were  standing;  but  just  before  the  shooting  of 
the  great  Match  for  the  Empress’s  ruby  ring,  Mr.  Pinchin,  into 
whose  head  some  of  the  bubbles  from  the  white  Hungarian  had 
begun  to  mount,  begins  to  brag  about  his  gentle  extraction,  and  his 
cousinage  to  Lady  Betty  Heeltap  and  my  Lord  Podddle.  He  vows 
that  he  is  as  well  “  born  ”  as  any  of  the  rascaille  German  Sausage 
gorgers  (as  he  calls  them),  and  is  as  fit-  to  stand  about  Royalty  as 
any  of  them.  The  Chaplain,  who  was  always  a  discreet  man,  tried 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


183 


hard  to  persuade  him  against  thrusting  himself  forward  where  his 
company  was  not  desired:  but  Mr.  Pin  chin  was  in  that  state  in 
which  arguing  with  a  man  makes  him  more  obstinate.  Away  he 
goes,  the  Chaplain  prudently  withdrawing  into  a  Booth;  but  I,  as 
in  Duty  bound,  followed  my  Master,  to  see  that  he  got  into  no 
mischief.  But  alas,  the  Mischief  that  unhappy  little  Man  speedily 
contrived  to  entangle  himself  within! 

By  dint  of  a  Florin  here  and  a  Florin  there,  the  adventurous 
Squire  succeeded  in  slipping  through  the  row  of  Guards  who  sepa¬ 
rated  the  outej  from  the  inner  Ring,  who,  from  the  richness  of  his 
Apparel  (for  he  was  dressed  in  his  very  Best),  may  perhaps  have 
mistaken  him  for  some  Court  Nobleman  who  had  arrived  late.  He 
had  got  within  the  charmed  circle  indeed  (I  being  a  few  paces  be¬ 
hind  him),  and  was  standing  on  Tiptoe  to  lake  a  full  stare  at  one  of 
the  young  Archduchesses  who  was  bending  her  bow  to  shoot  at 
Cupid,  when  up  comes  an  old  Lord  with  a  very  long  white  face 
like  a  Sheep,  with  a  Crimson  Ribbon  across  his  breast,  and  a  long 
white  staff  in  his  hand  atop  of  which  was  a  Golden  Key.  He  first 
asks  my  Master  in  German  what  he  wants  there,  at  least  so  far  as  I 
could  understand;  to  which  the  squire,  not  being  versed  in  the 
Tongues  of  Almaine  (and,  indeed,  High  Dutch  and  Low  Dutch  are 
both  very  Base  Parlance,  and  I  never  could  master  ’em),  answers, 
“ Non  comprenny ,”  which  was  his  general  reply  when  he  was  puz¬ 
zled  in  the  Foreign  Lingos.  Then  the  old  Lord,  with  a  very  sharp 
voice  and  in  French,  tells  him  that  he  has  no  Business  there,  and 
bids  him  begone.  Mr.  Pinchin  could  understand  French,  though 
he  spoke  it  but  indifferently;  but  he,  being  fairly  Primed,  and  in  one 
of  his  Obstinate  Moods,  musters  up  his  best  parleyvoo,  and  tells  the 
Ancient  with  the  Golden  Key  (and  I  saw  that  he  had  another  one 
hung  round  his  neck  by  a  parcel  chain,  and  conjectured  him  to  be 
a  High  Chamberlain  at  least)  to  go  to  the  Devil.  (I  ask  pardon  for 
this  wrord.)  Hereupon  my  Lord  with  the  Sheep’s  countenance  col¬ 
lars  him,  runs  his  white  stick  into  liis  visage,  so  that  the  key  nearly 
puts  his  eye  out,  and  roars  for  the  Guard.  Then  Mr.  Pinchin,  ac¬ 
cording  to  his  custom  when  he  has  gotten  himself  into  a  pother,  be¬ 
gins  to  squeal  for  Me,  and  the  Chaplain,  and  his  Mamma,  to  help 
him  out  of  it.  My  blood  was  up  in  a  moment;  I  had  not  had  a 
Tussle  with  any  one  for  a  long  time.  “  Shall  I,  who  have  brained 
an  English  Grenadier,  sneak  off  before  a  rabble-rout  of  Sauerkraut 
Sddiers?”  I  asked  myself,  remembering  how  much  Stronger  and 
Older  I  had  grown  since  that  night.  “  Here  goes,  Jack  Danger¬ 
ous!”  and  away  I  went  into  the  throng,  wrenched  the  white  staff 


184 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


from  the  old  Lord's  hand,  made  him  unhand  my  Master,  and  draw¬ 
ing  his  Sword  for  him  (he  being  too  much  terrified  to  draw  it  him¬ 
self),  grasped  him  firmly  by  the  arm,  and  was  preparing  to  cut  a 
way  back  for  both  of  us  through  the  crowd.  But  ’twas  a  mad  at¬ 
tempt.  Up  came  the  Guard,  every  man  of  them  Six  Foot  high,  and 
for  all  they  were  Sauerkraut  Soldiers,  pestilent  Veterans  who  knew 
what  Fighting  meant.  When  I  saw  their  fixed  Bayonets,  and  their 
Mustacliios  curling  with  rage,  I  remembered  a  certain  Scar  I  had 
left  after  a  memorable  night  in  Cliarl wood  Chase.  We  were  far 
from  our  own  country,  and  there  was  no  Deniijolifi  of  Brandy  by; 
;so,  though  it  went  sorely  against  my  Stomach,  there  was  no  help 
for  it  but  to  surrender  ourselves  at  once  Prisoners  of  War.  Prison- 
<er$  of  War,  forsooth!  They  treated  us  worse  than  Galley  Slaves. 
Our  hands  were  bound  behind  us  with  cords,  Halters  were  put 
about  our  necks,  and,  the  Grenadiers  prodding  us  behind  with  their 
Bayonets — the  Dastards,  so  to  prick  Unarmed  Men! — we  were  con¬ 
ducted  in  ignominy  through  the  rascal  Crowd,  which  made  a  Grin¬ 
ning,  Jeering,  Hooting  lane  for  us  to  pass  to  the  Guardhouse  at  the 
Entrance  of  the  Gardens.  The  Officer  of  the  Guard  was  at  first  for 
having  both  of  us  strapped  down  to  a  Bench  as  a  preliminary  meas¬ 
ure  to  receive  two  hundred  Blows  apiece  with  Willow  Hods  in  the 
small  of  our  backs,  which  is  their  usual  way  of  commencing  Judi¬ 
cial  proceedings,  when  up  comes  the  old  Lord  in  a  Monstrous  Puff 
and  Flurry,  and  says  that  by  the  Empress’s  command  no  present 
Harm  is  to  be  done  us;  but  that  we  are  to  be  removed  to  the  Town 
Jail  till  the  Csesar’s  pleasure  respecting  us  shall  be  known.  Her 
Majesty,  however,  forgot  to  enjoin  that  we  were  not  to  be  fettered; 
so  the  Capt  ain  of  the  Guard  he  claps  on  us  the  heaviest  Irons  that 
ever  Mutineers  howled  in;  and  we,  being  flung  into  a  kind  of  Brew¬ 
er’s  Dray,  and  accompanied  by  a  Strong  Guard  of  Horse  and  Foot, 
were  conveyed  to  Vienna,  and  locked  up  in  the  Town  Jail. 

Luckily  Mr.  Hodge  speedily  got  wind  of  our  misfortune,  and  hied 
him  to  the  British  Embassador,  who,  being  fond  of  a  Pleasant 
Story,  laughed  heartily  at  the  recital.  He  promised  to  set  my  Mas¬ 
ter  off  on  payment  of  a  Fine  or  something  of  that  sort;  and  as  for 
me,  he  was  good  enough  to  opine  that  I  might  think  myself  Lucky 
if  I  escaped  with  a  sound  dose  of  the  Bastinado  once  a  week  for 
three  months,  and  a  couple  of  years  or  so  in  Irons.  The  Chaplain 
pleaded  for  me  as  well  as  for  my  Master  as  hard  as  he  could;  and 
his  Excellency  frowned  and  said,  that  the  Diversions  of  a  Gentle¬ 
man  might  run  a  little  Wild  sometimes  and  no  harm  done;  but  that 
the  Insolence  of  Servants  (which  was  a  growing  evil)  must  be  re- 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


185 


strained.  “  At  all  events,  I’ll  see  wliat  I  can  do,”  he  condescended 
to  explain.  “  At  all  events,  the  Fellow  can’t  fare  very  badly  for  a 
sound  Beating,  and  perhaps  they  will  let  him  otf  when  he  has  had 
cudgeling  enough.  ”  So  he  calls  for  his  Coach,  and  goes  off  to 
Court. 


CHAPTER  THE  FIFTEENTH. 

OF  PARIS  (BY  THE  WAY  OF  THE  PRISON  AT  VIENNA),  AND  OF  MY 
COMING  BACK  FOR  A  SEASON  TO  MY  OWN  COUNTRY,  WHERE 
MY  MASTER,  THE  CHAPLAIN,  AND  I  PART  COMPANY. 

The  Fox  in  the  Fable,  so  my  Grannum  (who  had  a  ready  Mem¬ 
ory  for  those  Tales)  used  to  tell  me,  when  he  first  saw  the  Lion  was 
half  dead  with  Fright.  The  Second  View  only  a  little  Dashed  him 
with  Tremor;  at  the  Third  he  durst  salute  him  Boldly;  and  at  the 
Fourth  Rencounter  Monsieur  Reynard  steals  a  Shin  Bone  of  Beef 
from  under  the  old  Roarer’s  Nose,  and  laughs  at  his  Beard.  This 
Fable  came  back  to  me,  as  with  a  Shrug  and  a  Grin  (somewhat  of 
the  ruefulest)  I  found  myself  again  (and  for  no  Base  Action  I  aver) 
in  a  Prison  Hold.  I  remembered  what  a  dreadful  Sickness  and 
Soul-sinking  I  had  felt  when  doors  of  Oak  clamped  with  Iron  had 
first  clanged  upon  me;  when  I  first  saw  the  Blessed  Sun  made  into 
a  Quince  Tart  by  the  cross-bars  over  his  Golden  face;  when  I  first 
heard  that  clashing  of  Gyves  together  which  is  the  Death  Rattle  of  a 
man’s  Liberty.  But  now!  Jails  and  I  wrere  old  Acquaintances.  Had 
I  not  lain  long  in  the  dismal  Dungeon  at  Aylesbury?  Had  I  not 
sweltered  in  the  Hold  of  a  Transport  Ship?  I  was  but  a  Youth; 
but  I  felt  myself  by  this  time  a  Parcel  Philosopher.  The  first  thing 
a  man  should  do  when  he  gets  into  Jail,  is  to  ask  himsell  whether 
there  is  any  Chance  of  his  being  Hanged.  If  he  have  no  Sand 
Blindness,  or  Gossamer  dancing  of  Threepenny  cord  before  his 
eyes,  why  then  he  had  e’en  better  eat  and  drink,  and  Thank  God, 
and  hope  for  the  Best.  “  They  won’t  Hang  me,”  I  said  cheerfully 
enough  to  myself,  when  I  was  well  laid  up  in  Limbo.  The  Em¬ 
press  is  well  known  to  be  a  merciful  Lady,  and  will  cast  the  ermine 
of  Mercy  over  the  Scarlet  Robe  of  Stern  Authority.  Perhaps  I  shall 
get  my  Rib3  basted.  What  of  that?  Flesh  is  flesh,  and  will  Heal. 
Tliep  can  not  beat  me  so  sorely  as  I  have  seen  done  (but  never  of 
myself  Ordered  but  when  I  was  compelled)  to  Negro  Slaves.  If  they 
fine  me,  my  Master  must  Pay.  Here  I  am  by  the  Heels,  and  until 
I  get  out  again,  what  use  is  there  in  fretting?  Lady  Fortune  has 


186 


CAPTAIN  DANCEROUS. 


played  me  a  scurvy  trick;  but  may  she  not  to-morrow  play  as 
roguish  a  one  to  the  Sheep-faced  old  Chamber  Lord  with  the  golden 
Key,  or  any  other  smart  Pink-an-eye  Dandiprat  that  hangs  about 
the  Court?  The  Spoke  which  now  is  highest  in  her  Wheel  may. 
when  she  gives  it  the  next  good  Twist,  be  undermost  as  Nock.  So 
I  took  Courage,  and  bade  Despair  go  Swing  for  a  dried  Yeoman 
Sprat  as  he  is. 

I  being  a  Servant,  and  so  unjustly  accounted  of  Base  Degree  by 
these  Sour  Cabbage-gorging  and  Sourer  Beer- swilling  High  Dutch 
Bed -Pressers,  was  put  into  the  Common  Ward  with  the  Raff;  while 
my  Master  was  suffered,  on  payment  of  Fees,  to  have  better  Lodg¬ 
ings.  Jailers  are  Jailers  all  over  the  world,  and  Golden  Fetters  are 
always  the  lightsomest.  We  were  some  Sixty  Rascals  (that  is  to 
say,  Fifty -Nine  scoundrels,  with  one  Honest  Youth,  your  Humble 
Servant)  in  the  Common  Room,  with  but  one  Bed  between  us;  this 
being,  indeed,  but  a  Raised  Wooden  Platform,  like  that  you  see  in 
a  Soldiers’  Guard- Room.  They  brought  us  some  Straw  every  day, 
and  littered  us  down  Dog  Fashion,  and  that  was  all  we  had  for 
Lodging  Gear.  It  mattered  little.  There  was  a  Roof  to  the  Jail 
that  was  weather-tight,  and  what  more  could  a  Man  want? — until 
things  got  better  at  least. 

Which  they  speedily  did;  and  neither  Master  nor  Man  came  to 
any  very  great  harm.  ’Twas  a  near  touch  though;  and  the  safety 
of  Jack  Dangerous’s  bones  hung  for  days,  so  I  was  afterward  told, 
by  the  merest  thread.  They  deliberated  long  and  earnestly  about 
my  case  among  themselves.  It  was  even,  I  believe,  brought  before 
the  Aulic  Council;  but,  after  a  week’s  confinement,  and  much  going 
to  and  fro  between  the  English  Embassador  and  the  Great  ones  of 
the  Court,  Mr.  Pinchin  had  signified  to  him  that  he  might  procure 
his  Enlargement  by  paying  a  Fine  of  Eight  Hundred  Flcrins,  which 
was  reckoned  remarkably  cheap,  considering  his  outrageous  be¬ 
havior  at  the  Shooting  match.  Some  days  longer  they  thought  fit 
to  detain  Me;  but  my  Master,  after  he  regained  his  liberty,  came 
to  see  me  once  and  sometimes  twice  a  day;  and,  through  his  and 
Mr.  Hodge’s  kindness,  I  was  supplied  with  as  good  Victuals  and 
Drink  as  I  had  heretofore  been  accustomed  to.  Indeed,  such  abun¬ 
dant  fare  was  there  provided  for  me,  that  I  had  always  a  superfluity, 
and  I  was  enabled  to  relieve  the  necessities  and  fill  the  bellies  of 
many  poor  Miserable  Hungry  creatures,  who  otherwise  must  have 
starved;  for  ’twas  the  custom  of  the  Crown  only  to  allow  their  Cap¬ 
tives  a  few  Kreutzers,  amounting  to  some  twopence-fartliing  a  day 
English,  for  their  subsistence.  The  Oldest  Prisoner  in  the  Ward, 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


187 


whom  they  called  Father  of  the  Room,  would  on  this  Bare  Pittance 
take  tithe  and  toll  often  in  a  most  Extorlionate  manner.  Then 
these  Jail  birds  would  fall  to  thieving  from  one  another,  even  as  they 
slept;  and  if  a  man  was  weak  of  Arm  and  Feeble  of  Heart,  he  might 
go  for  a  week  without  touching  a  doit  of  his  allowance,  and  so 
might  Die  of  Famine,  unless  he  could  manage  to  beg  a  little  filthy 
Cabbage  Soup,  or  a  lump  of  Black  Bread,  from  some  one  not  wholly 
without  Bowels  of  Compassion. 

But  I  had  not  been  here  more  than  a  month  when  the  instances 
of  my  master  at  length  prevailed,  and  I  too  was  enlarged;  only  some 
Fifty  Florins  being  laid  upon  me  by  way  of  fine.  This  mulct  was 
paid  perforce  by  Mr.  Pincliin;  for  as  ’twas  through  his  mad  folly, 
and  no  fault  of  my  own,  that  I  had  come  to  Sorrow,  he  was  in 
Justice  and  Equity  bound  to  bear  me  harmless  in  the  Consequences. 
He  was  fain,  however,  to  make  some  Demur,  and  to  Complain,  in 
his  usual  piteous  manner,  of  being  so  amerced. 

“  Suppose  you  had  been  sentenced  to  Five  Hundred  Blows  of  a 
Stick,  sirrah,” — ’twas  thus  he  put  the  case  to  me,  logically  enough 

—  ‘  ‘  would  you  have  expected  me  to  pay  for  thee  in  carcass,  as  now 
I  am  paying  for  thee  in  Purse?” 

“Circumstances  alter  cases,”  interposes  Mr.  Hodge  in  my  be¬ 
half.  “  Here  is  luckily  no  question  of  Stripes  at  all.  John  may 
bless  his  Stars  that  he  hath  gotten  off  without  a  Rib-Roasting;  and 
to  your  Worship,  after  the  Tune  they  have  made  you  dance  to,  and 
the  Piper  you  have  paid,  what  is  this  miserable  little  Fine  of  Fifty 
Florins?”  So  my  Master  paid;  and  Leaving  another  Ten  Florins 
for  the  poor  Losels  in  the  Jail  to  drink  his  health  in,  we  departed 
from  that  place  of  Durance,  thinking  ourselves,  and  with  reason, 
very  well  out  of  it. 

Servants  are  not  always  so  lucky  when  they  too  implicitly  obey 
the  behests  of  their  Masters,  or,  in  a  hot  fever  of  Fidelity,  stand  up 
for  them  in  Times  of  Danger  or  Desperate  Affrays.  Has  there  not 
ever  been  brought  under  your  notice  that  famous  French  Law  Case, 
of  the  Court  Lady — the  Dame  de  Liancourt,  I  think  she  w^as  called 

—  against  whom  another  Dame  had  a  Spite,  either  for  her  Beauty, 
or  her  Wit,  or  her  Riches’  sake?  She,  riding  one  day  in  her  Coach- 
and  Six  by  a  cross-road,  comes  upon  the  Dame  de  Liancourt,  like¬ 
wise  in  her  Coach  and- Six,  both  ladies  having  the  ordinary  comple¬ 
ment  of  Running  Footmen.  My  Lady  wrho  had  the  Spite  against 
her  of  Liancourt  whispers  to  her  Lackeys;  and  these  poor  Faithful 
Rogues,  too  eager  to  obey  their  Mistress’s  commands,  ran  to  the 
other  coach-door,  pulled  out  that  unlucky  Dame  de  Liancourt,  and 


188 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


then  and  there  inflicted  on  her  that  shameful  chastisement  which 
jealous  Venus,  as  the  Poetry  books  say,  did,  once  upon  a  time,  order 
to  poor  Psyche;  and  which,  even  in  our  times,  so  I  have  heard, 
Madame  du  Barry,  the  last  French  King’s  Favorite  did  cause  Four 
Chambermaids  to  inflict  on  some  Lady  about  Versailles  with  whom 
she  had  cause  of  Anger.  At  any  rate,  the  cruel  and  Disgraceful 
thing  was  done,  the  Dame  sitting  in  her  or  aeh  meanwhile  clapping 
her  hands.  Oh,  ’twas  a  scandalous  thing!  The  poor  Dame  de  Lian- 
court  goes,  Burning  with  Rage  and  Shame,  to  the  Chief  Town  of 
the  Province,  to  lodge  her  complaint.  The  matter  is  brought  be¬ 
fore  the  Parliament,  and  in  due  time  it  goes  to  Paris,  and  is  heard 
and  reheard,  the  Judges  all  making  a  Mighty  to-do  about  it;  and  at 
last,  after  some  two  years  and  a  half’s  litigation,  is  settled  in  this 
wise.  My  Lady  pays  a  Fine  and  the  Costs,  and  begs  the  Dame  de 
Liancourt’s  pardon.  But  what,  think  you,  becomes  of  the  two  poor 
Lackeys  that  had  been  rash  enough  to  execute  her  Revengeful 
Orders?  Why,  at  first  they  are  haled  about  from  one  jail  to  an¬ 
other  for  Thirty  Months  in  succession,  and  then  they  are  subjected 
to  the  question,  Ordinary  and  Extraordinary — that  is  to  say,  to  the 
Torture;  and  at  last,  when  my  Lady  is  paying  her  fine  of  10,000 
livres,  I  think,  or  about  Four  Hundred  Pounds  of  our  Money,  the 
Judges  at  Paris  pronounce  against  these  two  poor  Devils  of  Foot¬ 
men — that  were  as  innocent  of  any  Malice  in  the  Matter  as  the  Babe 
that  is  unborn,  and  only  Did  what  they  were  Told — that  one  is  to 
be  Hanged  in  the  Place  de  Greve,  and  the  other  banished  to  the 
Galleys,  there  to  be  chained  to  the  Oar  for  life.  A  fine  Encourage¬ 
ment  truly  for  those  who  think  that,  for  good  Victuals  and  a  Fine 
Livery,  they  are  bound  to  obey  all  the  Humors  and  Caprices,  even 
to  the  most  Unreasonable  and  most  Arbitrary,  of  their  Masters  and 
Mistresses. 

We  were  in  no  great  Mood,  after  this  Affair  was  over,  to  remain 
in  Vienna.  Mr.  Pinchin  did  at  first  propose  journeying  through 
the  Province  of  Styria  by  Gratz,  to  a  little  town  on  the  sea-coast 
called  Trieste — that  has  much  grown  in  importance  during  these 
latter  days — and  so  crossing  the  Gulf  to  Venice;  but  he  abandoned 
this  Scheme.  His  health  was  visibly  breaking;  his  Funds,  he  said, 
were  running  low;  he  was  more  anxious  about  his  Mamma  than 
ever;  and  ’twas  easy  to  see  that  he  was  half  weary  and  half  afraid 
of  the  Chaplain  and  Myself,  and  that  he  desired  nothing  Half  so 
Much  as  to  get  Rid  of  us  Both.  So  we  packed  up,  and  resumed 
our  Wanderings,  but  in  Retreat  instead  of  Advance.  We  passed, 
coming  back,  through  Dresden,  where  there  are  some  fine  History 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


189 


Pictures,  and  close  to  which  the  Saxon  Elector  had  set  up  a  great 
Factory  for  the  making  of  painted  Pottery  Ware;  not  after  the 
monstrous  Chinese  Fashion,  but  rather  after  the  Mode  practiced 
with  great  Success  at  our  own  CJielsea.  The  manner  of  making  this 
Pottery  was,  however,  kept  a  high  State  Secret  by  the  government 
of  the  then  Saxon  Elector;  and  no  strangers  were,  on  any  pretense, 
admitted  to  the  place  where  the  Works  were  carried  on;  so  of  this 
wre  saw  nothing;  and  not  Sorry  was  I  of  the  privation,  being  utterly 
Wearied  and  palled  with  much  gadding  about  and  Sight-seeing.  So 
post  to  Frankfort,  where  there  were  a  many  Jews;  and  thence  to 
Mayence;  and  from  thence  down  the  grand  old  River  Rhine  to  the 
City  of  Cologne;  whence,  by  the  most  lagging  stages  I  did  ever 
know,  to  Bruxelles.  But  we  stayed  not  here  to  see  the  sights — not 
even  the  droll  little  statue  of  the  Manikin  (at  the  corner  of  a  street, 
in  a  most  improper  attitude;  and  there  is  a  Group  quite  as  unseemly 
in  one  of  the  Markets,  so  I  was  told,  although  at  that  time  we  were 
fain  to  pass  them  by),  which  Manikin  the  burgesses  of  Bruxelles 
regard  as  a  kind  of  tutelary  Divinity,  and  set  much  greater  store  by 
than  we  do  by  our  London  Stone,  or  little  naked  boy  in  Panyer 
Alley.  But  it  is  curious  to  mark  what  strange  whimwhams  these 
Foreigners  run  mad  after. 

At  Bruxelles  my  Master  buys  an  old  Post-Carriage — cost  him  Two 
Hundred  and  Fifty  Livres,  which  was  not  dear;  and  the  wretched 
horses  of  the  country  being  harnessed  thereto,  we  made  Paris  in 
about  a  week  afterward.  We  alighted  at  a  decent  enough  kind  of 
Inn,  in  the  Place  named  after  Lewis  the  Great  (an  eight-sided  space 
and  the  houses  handsome,  though  not  so  larae  as  Golden  Square). 
There  was  a  great  sight  the  day  after  our  coming  which  we  could 
not  well  avoid  seeing.  This  was  the  Burial  of  a. certain  great 
nobleman,  a  Duke  and  Marshal  of  France,  and  at  the  time  of  his 
Decease  Governor  of  the  City  of  Paris.  I  have  forgotten  his  name; 
but  it  does  not  so  much  matter  at  this  time  of  day,  his  Grace  and 
Governorship  being  as  dead  as  Queen  Anne.  The  Burial  began  on 
foot,  from  his  house,  which  was  next  door  but  one  to  our  Inn,  and 
went  first  to  his  Parish  Church,  and  thence,  in  coaches,  right  to  the 
other  end  of  Paris,  to  a  Monastery,  where  his  Lordship’s  Family 
Vault  was.  There  was  a  prodigious  long  procession  of  Flambeaus; 
Friars,  white,  black,  and  gray,  very  trumpery,  and  marvelous  foul¬ 
looking; — no  plumes,  banners,  scutcheons,  led  horses,  or  open 
chariots — altogether  most  mean  obsequies.  The  march  began  at 
eight  in  the  evening,  and  did  not  end  till  four  o’clock  the  next 
morning,  for  at  each  church  they  passed  they  stopped  for  a  Hymu 


190 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


and  Holy  Water.  And,  by  the  way,  we  were  told  that  one  of  these 
same  choice  Friars,  who  had  been  set  to  watching  the  body  while 
it  lay  in  state,  fell  asleep  one  night,  and  let  the  Tapers  catch  fire  of 
the  rich  Velvet  Mantle,  lined  with  Ermine  and  powdered  over  with 
gold  Flower-de-Luces,  which  melted  all  the  candles,  and  burned 
off  one  of  the  feet  of  the  Departed,  before  it  wakened  him. 

It  wTas  afterward  my  fortune  1o  know  Paris  very  well;  but  I  can 
not  say  that  I  thought  much  of  the  place  on  first  coming  to  it.  Dirt 
Ihere  was  everywhere,  and  Ihe  most  villainous  smells  that  could  be 
imagined.  A  great  deal  of  Show,  but  a  vein  of  Rascal  manners 
running  through  it  all.  Nothing  neat  or  handsomely  ordered. 
Where  my  Master  stood  to  see  the  Burial  Procession,  the  balcony  was 
hung  with  Crimson  Damask  and  Gold;  but  the  windows  behind 
him  were  patched  in  half  a  dozen  places  with  oiled  paper.  At  din¬ 
ner  they  gave  you  at  least  Three  Courses;  but  a  third  of  the  Repast 
was  patched  up  with  Sallets,  Butter,  Puff -paste,  or  some  such  mis¬ 
carriages  of  Dishes.  Nothing  like  good,  wholesome,  substantial 
Belly  Timber.  None  but  Germans,  and  other  Strangers,  wore  fine 
clothes;  the  French  people  mainly  in  rags,  but  powdered  up  to 
their  evebro  vs.  Their  coaches  miserably  horsed,  and  rope  har¬ 
nessed;  yet,  in  the  way  of  Allegories  on  the  panels,  all  tawdry 
enough  for  the  Wedding  of  Cupid  and  Psyche.  Their  shop-signs 
extremely  laughable.  Here  some  living  at  the  Y  Gue;  some  at 
Venus’s  Toilet;  and  others  at  the  Sucking  Cat.  Their  notions  of 
Honor  most  preposterous.  It  was  thought  mighty  dishonorable  for 
any  that  was  a  Born  Gentleman  not  to  be  in  the  Army,  or  in  the 
King’s  Service,  but  no  dishonor  at  all  to  keep  Public  Gaming 
Houses;  there  being  at  least  five  hundred  persons  of  the  first  Qual¬ 
ity  in  Paris  living  by  ir.  You  might  go  to  their  Houses  at  all  Hours 
of  the  Night,  and  find  Hazard,  Pharaoh,  etc.  The  men  who  kept 
the  gaming  tables  at  the  Duke  of  Gesvres’  paid  him  twelve  guineas 
a  night  for  the  privilege.  Even  the  Princesses  of  the  Blood  were 
mean  enough  to  go  snacks  in  the  profits  of  the  banks  kept  in  their 
palaces.  I  will  say  nothing  more  of  Paris  in  this  place,  save  that  it 
was  the  fashion  of  the  Ladies  to  wear  Red  Hair  of  a  very  deep  hue; 
these  said  Princesses  of  the  Blood  being  consumedly  carroty.  And 
I  do  think  that  if  a  Princess  of  the  Blood  was  born  with  a  Tail,  and 
chose  to  show  it,  tied  up  with  Pea-Green  Ribbon,  through  the 
Placket-hole  of  her  Gown,  the  Ladies,  not  only  in  France,  but  all 
over  the  World,  would  be  proud  to  sport  Tails  with  Pea-Green 
Ribbons — or  any  other  color  that  was  the  mode — whether  they  were 
Born  with  ’em  or  not, 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


191 


Nothing  more  that  is  worthy  of  Mention  took  place  until  our  leav¬ 
ing  Paris.  We  came  away  in  a  calash,  that  is,  my  Master  and  the 
Chaplain,  riding  at  their  Ease  in  that  vehicle,  while  I  trotted  behind 
( n  a  little  Bidet,  and  posted  it  through  St.  Denis  to  Beauvais.  So 
on  to  Abbeville,  where  they  had  the  Impudence  to  charge  us  Ten 
Livres  for  three  Dishes  of  Coffee,  and  some  of  the  nastiest  Eau  de 
Yie  that  ever  I  tasted;  excusing  themselves,  the  Rogues,  on  the 
score  that  Englishmen  were  scarce  nowadays.  And  to  our  great 
Relief,  we  at  last  arrived  at  Calais,  where  we  had  comfortable 
Lodgings,  and  good  fare,  at  a  not  too  exorbitant  rate.  Here  we  had 
to  wait  four  days  for  a  favorable  Wind;  and  even  then  we  found 
the  Packet  Boat  all  taken  up  for  Passengers,  and  not  a  place  on 
board  to  be  had  either  for  Love  or  Money.  As  Mr.  Pinchin  was 
desperately  pressed  to  reach  his  Native  Land,  to  wait  for  the  next 
boat  seemed  utterly  intolerable  to  him;  so,  all  in  a  Hurry,  and  be¬ 
ing  cheated,  as  folks  when  they  are  in  a  Hurry  must  needs  be,  we 
bargained  for  a  Private  Yacht  to  take  us  to  Dover.  The  Master 
would  hear  of  nothing  less  than  five-and-twenty  guineas  for  the 
voyage,  which,  with  many  Sights  and  almost  Weeping,  my  poor 
Little  Master  agrees  to  give.  He  might  have  recouped  himself  ten 
guineas  of  the  money;  for  there  was  a  Great  Italian  Singing 
Woman,  with  her  Chamber-maid,  her  Yalet  de  Chambre,  a  Black 
Boy,  and  a  Monkey,  bound  for  the  King’s  Opera  House  in  the  Hay- 
market,  very  anxious  to  reach  England,  and  willing  to  pay  Hand¬ 
somely — out  of  English  pockets  in  the  long  run — for  the  accommo¬ 
dation  we  had  to  give;  but  my  capricious  Master  flies  into  a  Tiff, 
and  vows  that  he  will  have  no  Foreign  Squallers  on  board  his  Yacht 
with  him.  So  the  poor  Signora — wiio  was  not  at  all  a  Bad-looking 
woman,  although  mighty  Brown  of  visage — was  fain  to  wait  for 
the  next  Packet;  and  wTe  went  off  in  very  great  state,  but  still  hav¬ 
ing  to  Pay  with  needless  heaviness  for  our  Whistle.  And,  of 
course,  all  the  way  there  wras  nothing  but  whining  and  grumbling 
on  his  Worship’s  part,  that  so  short  a  trip  should  have  cost  him 
Twenty-five  Guineas.  The  little  Brute  was  never  satisfied;  and 
wiien  I  remembered  the  Life  I  had  led  with  him,  despite  abundant 
Victuals,  good  Clothes,  and  decent  Wages,  I  confess  that  I  felt  half- 
inclined  to  pitch  him  over  the  Taffrail,  and  make  an  End  of  him, 
for  good  and  all. 

The  villainous  Tub  which  the  rascals  who  manned  it  called  a 
Yacht  wTas  not  Seaworthy,  wouldn’t  answer  her  Helm,  and  floun¬ 
dered  about  in  the  Trough  of  the  Sea  for  a  day  and  a  half;  and  even 
then  we  did  not  make  Dover,  but  wTere  obliged  to  beat  up  for  Rams- 


192 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


gate.  We  had  been  fools  enough  to  pay  the  Fare  beforehand;  and 
these  Channel  Pirates  were  unconscionable  enough  to  demand  Ten 
Guineas  more,  swearing  that  they  would  have  us  up  before  the 
Maj^or — who,  I  believe,  was  in  League  with  ’em — if  we  did  not  dis¬ 
burse.  Then  the  Master  of  the  Port  came  upon  us  for  Dues  and 
Light  Tolls;  and  a  Revenue  Pink  Boarded  us,  the  Crew  getting 
Half-Drunk  at  our  Expense,  under  pretense  of  searching  for  con¬ 
traband,  and  sticking  to  us  till  we  had  given  the  Midshipman  a 
guinea,  and  another  guinea  to  the  Crew,  to  drink  our  Healths. 


CHAPTER  THE  SIXTEENTH. 

JOHN  DANGEROUS  IS  IN  THE  SERVICE  OF  KING  GEORGE. 

It  now  becomes  expedient  for  me  to  pass  over  no  less  than  Fif¬ 
teen  Years  of  my  momentous  Career.  I  am  led  to  do  this  for  divers 
cogent  Reasons,  two  of  which  I  will  forthwith  lay  before  my  Reader. 
For  the  first,  let  me  urge  a  Decent  Prudence.  It  is  not,  Goodness 
knows,  that  I  have  anything  to  be  ashamed  of,  which  should  hin¬ 
der  me  from  giving  a  Full,  True,  and  Particular  Account  of  all  the 
Adventures  that  befell  me  in  these  same  Fifteen  Years,  with  the 
same  Minute  Particularity  which  I  bestowed  upon  my  Unhappy 
Childhood,  my  varied  Youth,  and  stormy  Adolescence.  I  did 
dwell,  perhaps,  with  a  fonder  circumspection  and  more  scrupulous 
niceness  upon  those  early  days,  inasmuch  as  the  things  we  have 
first  known  and  suffered  are  always  more  vividly  presented  to  our 
mind  when  we  strive  to  recall  ’em,  sitting  as  old  men  in  the  ingle- 
nook,  than  are  the  events  of  complete  manhood.  Yet  do  I  assure 
those  who  have  been  at  the  pains  to  scan  the  chapters  that  have 
gone  before,  that  it  would  be  easy  for  me  to  set  down  with  the 
Fidelity  of  a  Ledger-Keeper  all  the  things  that  happened  unto  me 
from  my  eighteenth  year,  wdien  I  last  bade  them  leave,  and  the 
year  1747,  when  I  had  come  to  be  three-and-thirty  years  of  age.  I 
remember  all:  the  Ups  and  Downs;  the  Crosses  and  the  Runs  of 
Luck;  the  Fortunes  and  the  Misfortunes;  the  Good  and  the  Bad 
Feasts  I  sat  me  down  to,  during  an  ever-changing  and  Troublous 
Period.  But,  as  I  have  said,  I  have  been  moved  thus  to  skip  over 
a  vast  tract  of  time  through  Prudence.  There  may  have  been  cer¬ 
tain  items  in  my  life  upon  which,  now  that  I  am  respectable  and 
prosperous,  I  no  more  care  to  think  of.  There  may  be  whole  pages, 
close- written  and  full  of  Stirring  Matter,  which  I  have  chosen  to 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


193 


cancel ;  there  may  be  occurrences  treated  of  which  it  is  best,  at  tin's 
time  of  Day,  to  draw  a  Veil  over.  Finally,  there  may  be  Great 
Personages  still  Living  who  would  have  just  cause  to  be  Offended 
were  I  to  tell  all  I  know.  The  dead  belong  to  all  the  World’  and 
their  Bones  are  ofttimes  Dug  up  and  made  use  of  by  those  who  in 
the  Flesh  knew  them  not;  but  Famous  Persons  live  to  a  very  Great 
Age,  and  it  is  sometimes  scandalous  to  recount  what  adventures  one 
has  had  with  ’em  in  the  days  of  their  hot  and  rash  Youth.  Had  I 
permission  to  publish  all  I  am  acquainted  with,  the  very  Hair  upon 
your  Head  might  stand  up  in  Amazement  at  some  of  the  Matters  I 
could  relate : — how  Mean  and  Base  the  Great  and  Powerful  might 
become;  how  utterly  Despisable  some  of  the  most  Superb  and  Arro¬ 
gant  Creatures  of  this  our  Commonwealth  might  appear.  But  I 
am  prudent  and  Hold  my  Tongue. 

Again,  and  for  the  Second  Reason,  I  am  led  to  pass  over  these 
fifteen  years  through  a  feeling  that  is  akin  to  Mercy  and  Forbear¬ 
ance  toward  my  Reader.  For  I  well  know  how  desperately  given  is 
John  Dangerous  to  a  wordy  Garrulity — how  prone  he  is  to  make 
much  of  little  things,  and  to  elevate  to  the  dignity  of  Important 
and  Commanding  Events  that  which  is  perchance  only  of  the  very 
slightest  moment.  By  Prosing  and  Amplifying,  by  Moralizing  and 
Digressing,  by  spinning  of  yarns  and  wearing  of  reflections  thread¬ 
bare,  I  might  make  a  Great  Book  out  of  the  pettiest  and  most  un¬ 
eventful  career;  but  even  in  honestly  transcribing  my  actual  ad¬ 
ventures,  one  by  one — the  things  I  have  done,  and  the  Men  and 
Women  I  have  known — I  should  imperceptibly  swell  a  Narrative, 
which  was  at  first  meant  to  attain  no  great  volume,  to  most  deplor¬ 
able  dimensions.  And  the  world  will  no  longer  tolerate  Huge 
Chronicles  in  Folio,  whether  they  relate  to  History,  to  Love  or  Ad¬ 
venture,  to  Voj^ages  and  Travels,  or  even  to  Philosophy,  Mechanics, 
or  the  Useful  Arts.  The  world  wants  smart,  dandy  little  volumes, 
as  thin  as  a  Herring,  and  just  as  Salt.  For  these  two  reasons,  then, 
do  I  nerve  myself  to  a  sudden  leap,  and  entreat  you  now  to  think 
no  longer  of  John  Dangerous  as  a  raw  youth  of  eighteen  summers, 
but  as  a  sturdy,  well-set  man  of  thirty-three. 

Yet,  lest  mine  Enemies  and  other  vile  Rascal  Fellows  that  go 

about  the  town  taking  away  the  characters  of  honest  people  for  mere 

Envy  and  Spitefulness’  sake,  lest  these  petty  curmudgeons  should, 

in  their  own  sly  saucy  manner,  Mop  and  Mow,  Grin  and  Whisper, 

that  if  I  am  silent  as  to  Fifteen  Years  of  my  Sayings  and  Doings,  I 

have  good  cause  for  holding  my  peace — lest  these  scurril  Slanderers 

should'  insinuate  that  during  this  time  I  lay  in  divers  Jails  for 
7 


194 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


offenses  which  I  dare  not  avow,  that  I  was  concerned  in  Desperate 
and  Unlawful  Enterprises  which  brought  upon  me  many  Indict¬ 
ments  in  the  King’s  Courts,  or  that  I  was  ever  Pilloried,  or  held  to. 
Bail  for  contemptible  misdemeanors — I  do  here  declare  and  affirm 
that  for  the  whole  of  the  time  I  so  pass  over  I  earned  my  bread  in  a 
perfectly  Honest,  Legal,  and  Honorable  Manner,  and  that  I  never 
once  went  out  of  the  limits  of  the  United  Kingdom.  I  have  heard, 
indeed,  a  Ridiculous  Tale  setting  forth  that,  finding  myself  Desti¬ 
tute  in  London  after  the  Chaplain,  Mr.  Pincliin,  and  I  had  parted 
company  for  good  and  all,  I  enlisted — being  a  tall,  strapping  Fellow 
— in  the  Foot  Guards.  The  preposterous  Fable  goes  on  to  say  that 
quickly  mastering  my  Drill,  and  being  a  favorite  with  my  officers, 
whom  I  much  pleased  with  my  Alacrity  and  Intelligence,  although 
they  were  much  given  to  laugh  at  my  assumptions  of  superior  Binh, 
and  nicknamed  me  “  Gentleman  Jack” — I  was  promoted  to  the 
rank  of  Corporal,  and  might  have  aspired  to  the  dignity  of  a  Ser¬ 
geant’s.  Halbert,  but  that  in  a  Mad  Frolic  one  night  I  betook  myself 
to  the  road  as  a  Footpad,  and  robbed  a  Gentleman,  coming  from 
the  King’s  Arms,  Kensington,  toward  the  Weigh  House  at  Knights- 
bridge,  of  fourteen  spade  guineas,  a  gold  watch,  and  a  bol  tie-screw. 
And  that  being  taken  by  the  Hue  and  Cry,  and  had  before  Justice 
De  Veil  then  sitting  at  the  Sun  Tavern  in  Bow  Street,  I  should  have 
been  committed  to  Newgate,  tried,  and  most  likely  have  swung  for 
the  robbery,  but  for  the  strong  intercession  of  my  Captain,  who  was 
a  friend  of  the  Gentleman  robbed.  That  I  was  indeed  enlarged, 
but  was  not  suffered  to  go  scot-free,  inasmuch  as,  being  tried  by 
court-martial  for  absence  without  leave  on  the  night  of  the  gentle¬ 
man’s  misfortune,  I  was  sentenced  to  receive  three  hundred  lashes 
at  the  halberts.  Infamous  and  Absurd  calumnies!  Three  hun¬ 
dred  lashes,  forsooth!  John  Dangerous  has  scars  enow  on  his  body, 
but  none  from  the  cat-o’-nine-tails.  His  cicatrices  (save  those  which 
result  from  his  illusage  by  his  Barbarous  Tormentors  when  he  was 
a  slave  among  the  Moors)  were  all  gotten  in  Fair  and  honorable 
Warfare.  This  precious  History  of  my  ever  being  a  Common 
Soldier  is  about  on  a  piece  with  that  other  Impudent  Farrago  set¬ 
ting  forth  that,  having  spent  what  Money  was  bestowed  upon  me  by 
Mr.  Pinchin  when  I  left  his  service  in  riotous  Debauchery,  and 
wandering  about  the  Eastern  end  of  the  town  in  sore  distress,  I  was 
pounced  upon  by  a  Press  Gang,  and  taken  on  board  the  Tower 
Tender,  whence  I  was  shipped  to  Portsmouth,  and  served  ten  years 
Before  the  Mast  in  a  Man-of-War.  A  foul  libel  again!  I  should 
never  be  ashamed  of  eating  the  King’s  bread,  God  bless  him!  and 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


195 


fighting  for  him,  either  as  a  private  Fusilier  or  as  a  Foremast  man 
in  the  Fleet;  but  it  has  been  my  happy  fortune  to  serve  his  Majesty, 
both  by  Sea  and  Land,  in  capacities  far  higher  than  either  of  these. 

Behold  me,  then,  in  the  beginning  of  the  year  1 747,  in  the  Serv¬ 
ice  of  his  Sacred  Majesty  King  George  the  Second.  Behold  me, 
further,  installed  in  no  common  Barrack,  mean  Guard -house,  or 
paltry  Garrison  Town,  but  in  one  of  the  most  famous  of  his  Maj¬ 
esty’s  Royal  Fortresses* — a  place  that  had  been  at  once  and  for 
centuries  (ever  since  the  days  of  Julius  Caesar,  as  I  am  told)  a 
Palace,  a  Citadel,  and  a  Prison.  In  good  sooth,  I  was  one  of  the 
King’s  Warders,  and  the  place  where  I  was  stationed  was  the  An¬ 
cient  and  Honorable  Tower  of  London. 

Whether  I  had  ever  worn  the  King’s  uniform  before,  either  in. 
scarlet  as  a  Soldier  in  his  armies,  or  of  blue  and  tarpaulin  as  a  Sailor 
in  his  Fleets,  or  of  brown  as  a  Riding  Officer  in  his  customs — under 
which  guise  a  man  may  often  have  doughty  encounters  with  smug¬ 
glers  that  are  trying  to  run  their  contraband  cargoes,  or  to  hide  their 
goods  in  farmer’s  houses — or  of  green,  as  a  Keeper  in  one  of  the 
Royal  Chases — I  absolutely  refuse  to  say.  Here  I  am,  or  rather 
here  I  wras,  a  Warder  and  in  the  Tower. 

I  was  bravely  accoutered.  A  doublel  of  crimson  cloth,  with  the 
crown,  the  Royal  Cipher,  G.  R.,  and  a  wreath  of  laurel  embroidered 
in  gold,  both  on  its  back  and  front;  and  a  linen  ruff,  well  plaited, 
round  my  neck,  sleeves  puffed  with  black  velvet,  trunk-hose  of 
scarlet,  rosettes  in  my  slashed  shoes,  and  a  flat  hat  with  a  border 
of  the  red  and  white  roses  of  York  and  Lancaster  in  satin  ribbon — ■ 
these  made  up  my  costume.  There  were  forty  of  us  in  the  Tower, 
mounting  guard  with  drawn  swords  at  the  portcullis  gate  and  at  the 
entrances  to  the  lodgings  of  such  as  were  in  hold,  and  otherwise 
attending  upon  unfortunate  noblemen  and  gentlemen  who  were  in 
trouble.  On  state  occasions,  when  taking  prisoners  by  water  from 
the  Tower  to  Westminster,  and  in  preceding  the  Lieutenant  to  the 
outward  port,  we  carried  Halberts  or  Partisans  with  tassels  of  gold 
and  crimson  thread.  But  although  our  dress  was  identical,  as  you 
may  see  from  the  prints,  with  that  of  the  Beef-Eaters,  we  Tower 
Warders  were  of  a  very  different  kidney  to  the  lazy  hangers-on 
about  St.  James’s.  Those  fellows  were  Anybodies,  Parasites  of 
Back-Stairs  favorites,  and  spies  and  lackeys,  transformed  serving- 
men,  butlers  past  drawing  corks,  grooms  and  porters,  even.  They 
had  nothing  to  do  but  to  loiter  about  the  antechambers  and  stair¬ 
cases  of  St.  James’s,  to  walk  by  the  side  of  his  Majesty’s  coach 
when  he  went  to  the  Houses  of  Parliament,  or  to  fight  with  the 


196 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


Marshalmen  at  Royal  Funerals  for  petty  spoils  of  wax  candles  or 
shreds  of  black  hangings.  The  knaves  actually  wore  wigs,  and 
powdered  them,  as  though  they  had  been  so  many  danglers  on  the 
Mall.  They  passed  their  time,  when  not  in  requisition  about  the 
Court,  smoking  and  card-playing  in  the  taverns  and  mug-houses 
about  Scotland  Yard  and  Spring  Gardens.  They  had  the  run  of  a 
few  servant  wenches  belonging  to  great  people,  but  we  did  not  envy 
them  their  sweethearts.  Some  of  them,  I  vgrily  believe,  wTere  sunk 
so  low  as,  when  they  were  not  masquerading  at  court,  to  become 
tavern- drawers,  or  ushers  and  criers  in  the  courts  of  law  about 
Westminster.  A  very  mean  people  were  these  Beef-Eaters,  and  they 
toiled  not,  neither  did  they  spin,  for  the  collops  they  eat. 

But  we  brave  boys  of  the  Tower  earned  both  our  Beef  and  our 
Bread,  and  the  abundant  Beer  and  Strong  Waters  with  which  we 
washed  our  victuals  down.  We  were  military  men,  almost  all. 
Some  of  us  had  fought  at  Blenheim  or  Ramilies — these  were  the 
veterans :  the  very  juniors  had  made  the  French  Maison  du  Roy 
scamper,  or  else  crossed  bayonets  with  the  Irish  Brigade  (a  brave 
body  of  men,  but  deplorably  criminal  in  carrying  arms  against  a 
Gracious  and  Clement  Prince)  in  some  of  those  well-fouglit  German 
Fields,  in  which  His  Royal  Highness  the  Duke  and  my  Lord  George 
Sackville  (since  Germaine,  and  my  very  good  friend  and  Patron) 
covered  themselves  with  immortal  glory.  Nay  some  of  us.  One  of 
us  at  least,  had  fought  and  bled,  to  the  amazement  of  his  comrades 
and  the  admiration  of  his  commanders — never  mind  where.  ’Tis 
not  the  luck  of  every  soldier  to  have  had  his  hand  wrung  by  the 
Great  Duke  of  Cumberland,  or  to  have  been  presented  with  ten 
guineas  to  drink  his  health  withal  by  Field-Marshal  Wade.  We 
would  have  thought  it  vile  poltroonery  and  macaronism  to  have 
worn  wigs — to  say  nothing  of  powder — unless,  indeed,  the  peruke 
was  a  true  Malplaquet  club  or  Dettingen  scratch. 

Our  duties  were  no  trifling  ones,  let  me  assure  you.  The  Tower, 
as  a  place  of  military  strength,  was  wTell  looked  after  by  the  Regi¬ 
ment  of  Foot  Guards  and  the  Companies  of  Artillery  that  did  gar¬ 
rison  duties  on  its  ramparts  and  at  the  foot  of  its  draw-bridges:  but 
to  us  was  confided  a  charge  much  more  onerous,  and  the  custody  of 
things  much  more  precious.  We  had  other  matters  to  mind  besides 
seeing  that  stray  dogs  did  not  venture  on  to  the  Tower  Green,  that 
dust  did  not  get  into  (he  cannons’  mouths,  or  that  Grand  Rounds 
received  proper  salutes.  Was  not  the  Imperial  Crown  of  England 
in  our  keeping?  Had  we  not  to  look  after  the  Royal  diadem,  the 
orb,  the  scepter,  the  Swords  of  Justice  and  of  Mercy,  and  the  great 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


197 


parcel-gilt  Salt  Cellar  that  is  molded  in  the  likeness  of  the  White 
Tower  itself?  Did  it  not  behoove  us  to  keep  up  a  constant  care  and 
watchfulness,  lest  among  the  curious  strangers  and  country  cousins 
who  trudged  to  the  Jewel  House  to  see  all  that  glittering'and  golden 
finery,  and  who  gave  us  shillings  to  exhibit  them,  there  might  be 
lurking  some  Rogue  as  dishonest  and  as  desperate  as  that  Colonel 
Blood  •  who  so  nearly  succeeded  in  getting  away  with  the  crown 
and  other  valuables  in  King  Charles  the  Second’s  time?  Oh!  I  war¬ 
rant  you  that  we  keyjt  sharp  eyes  on  the  curious  strangers  and  the 
country  cousins,  and  allowed  them  not  to  go  too  near  the  grate  be¬ 
hind  which  were  those  priceless  baubles. 

But  another  charge  had  we,  I  trow.  At  all  times  had  this  famous 
fortress  of  the  Tower  of  London  been  a  place  of  hold  for  the  King’s 
prisoners.  Felons,  nor  cutpurses,  nor  wantons  suffered  we  indeed 
in  our  precincts,  nor  gave  we  the  hospitality  of  dungeons  to;  but  of 
state  prisoners,  noblemen  and  gentlemen  in  durance  for  High 
Treason,  or  for  other  offenses  against  the  Royal  State  and  Preroga¬ 
tive,  had  we  always  a  plentiful  store.  Some  of  the  greatest  Barons 
— the  proudest  names  in  England — have  pined  their  lives  away  with¬ 
in  the  Tower’s  inexorable  walls.  Walls!  why,  there  were  little 
dungeons  and  casemates  built  in  the  very  thickness  of  those  huge 
mural  stones.  In  ancient  days  I  have  heard  that  foul  deeds  were 
common  in  the  fortress — that  princes  were  done  to  Death  here — 
notably  the  two  poor  Royal  infants  that  the  wicked  Richard  of 
Gloucester  bid  his  hell-hounds  smother  and  bury  at  the  foot  of  the 
stairs  in  that  building  which  has  ever  since  gone  by  the  name  of 
the  Bloody  Tower.  So,  too,  I  am  afraid  it  is  a  true  bill  that 
Torture  was  in  the  bad  old  days  indiscriminately  used  toward  both 
gentle  and  simple  in  some  gloomy  underground  places  in  this  said 
Tower.  1  have  heard  of  a  Sworn  Tormentor  and  his  assistants, 
whose  fiendish  task  it  Was  to  torture  poor  creatures’  souls  out  of 
their  miserable  bodies,  and  of  a  Chirurgeon  who  had  to  watch  lest 
the  agonies  used  upon  ’em  should  be  too  much  for  human  endur¬ 
ance,  and  so,  putting  ’em  out  of  their  misery,  rob  the  headsman  of 
his  due,  the  scaffold  of  its  prey,  and  the  vile  mobile  that  congregate 
at  public  executions  of  their  raree  show.  Of  “  Scavenger’s  Daugh¬ 
ters,”  Racks.  Thumbscrews,  iron  boots,  and  wedges,  and  other 
horrible  engines  of  pain,  I  have  heard  many  dismal  tales  told;  but 
all  that  had  long  fallen  into  disuse  before  my  time.  The  last  per¬ 
sons  tortured  within  the  Tower  walls  were,  I  believe,  Colonel  Faux 
(Guido)  and  his  confederates,  for  their  most  abominable  Gunpowder 
Plot,  which  was  to  put  an  end  to  the  Protestant  Religion  and  the 


198 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


illustrious  House  of  Stuart  at  one  fell  blow;  but  happily  came  to 
nothing,  through  the  prudence  of  my  Lord  Monteagle,  and  the 
well-nigh  superhuman  sagacity  of  his  Majesty  King  James  the 
First.  Guy  and  his  accomplices  they  tortured  horribly;  and  did 
not  even  give  ’em  the  honor  of  being  beheaded  on  Tower  Hill — 
they  being  sent  away  as  common  traitors  to  Old  Palace  Yard  (close 
to  the  scene  of  their  desperately  meditated,  but  fortunately  abortive 
crime),  and  there  half-hanged,  cut  down  while  yet  warm,  disem¬ 
boweled,  their  Hearts  and  Inwards  taken  out  and  burned  by  Gregory 
(that  was  hangman  then,  and  that,  as  Gregory  Brandon,  had  a  coat- 
of-arms  given  him  as  a  gentleman,  through  a  fraud  practiced  upon 
Garter  King),  and  their  mangled  bodies— the  heads  severed — cut 
into  quarters,  well  coated  with  pitch,  and  stuck  upon  spikes  over 
London  Bridge,  east  Portcullis,  Ludgate,  Temple  Bar,  and  other 
places  of  public  resort,  according  to  the  then  bloody-minded  cus¬ 
tom,  and  the  statute  in  that  case  made  and  provided.  But  after 
Colonel  Guido  Faux,  Rack,  Thumbscrews,  boots,  and  wedges,  and 
Scavenger’s  daughters  fell  into  a  decline,  from  which,  thank  God, 
they  have  never,  in  this  fair  realm  of  England,  recovered.  I  ques¬ 
tion  even  if  the  Jesuit  Garnett  and  his  fellows,  albeit  most  bar¬ 
barously  executed,  were  tortured  in  prison;  but  it  is  certain  that 
when  Felton  killed  the  Duke  of  Bucks  at  Portsmouth,  and  was 
taken  red-handed,  the  Courtiers,  Parasites,  and  other  cruel  persons 
that  were  about  the  King,  would  fain  have  had  him  racked;  but 
the  public— which  by  this  time  had  begun  lo  inquire  pretty  sharply 
about  Things  of  State — cried  out  that  Felton  should  not  be  tor¬ 
mented  (their  not  loving  the  Duke  of  Bucks  too  much  may  have 
been  one  reason  for  their  wishing  some  degree  of  leniency  to  be 
shown  to  the  assassin),  and  the  opinion  of  the  Judges  being  taken, 
those  learned  Persons,  in  full  court  of  King’s  Bench  assembled,  de¬ 
cided  that  Torture  was  contrary  to  the  Law  of  England,  and  could 
not  legally  be  used  upon  any  of  the  King's  subjects  howsoever 
guilty  he  might  have  been. 

But  I  confess  that  when  I  first  took  up  service  as  a  Tower  Warder, 
and  gazed  upon  those  horrible  implements  of  Man’s  cruelty  and 
hard-heartedness  collected  in  the  Armory,  I  imagined  with  dismay 
that,  all  rusty  as  they  had  grown,  there  might  be  occasions  for  them 
to  be  used  upon  the  persons  of  unfortunate  captives.  For  I  had 
lived  much  abroad,  and  knew  what  devilish  freaks  were  often 
indulged  in  by  arbitrary  and  unrestrained  power.  But  my  com¬ 
rades  soon  put  my  mind  at  ease,  and  pointed  out  to  me  that  few, 
very  few  of  these  instruments  of  Anguish  were  of  English  use  or 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


199 


origin  at  all;  but  that  the  great  majority  of  these  wicked  things 
were  from  among  the  spoils  of  the  Great  Armada,  when  the  proud 
Spaniards,  designing  to  invade  this  free  hippy  country  with  their 
monstrous  Flotilla  of  Caravels  and  Galleons,  provided  numerous 
tools  of  Torture  for  despitefully  using  the  Heretics  (as  they  called 
them)  who  would  not  obey  the  unrighteous  mandates  of  a  foreign 
despot,  or  submit  to  the  domination  (usurped)  of  the  Bishop  of 
Rome.  And  so  tender  indeed  of  the  bodies  of  the  King’s  prisoners 
had  the  Tower  authorities  become  that  the  underground  dungeons 
were  now  never  used,  commodious  apartments  being  provided  for 
the  noblemen  and  gentlemen  in  hold;  and  a  pretty  penny  they  had 
to  pay  for  their  accommodation;  live  guineas  a  day,  besides  warder 
and  gentlemen  jailers’  fees,  being  the  ordinary  charge  for  a  noble¬ 
man,  and  half  that  sum  for  a  knight  and  private  esquire.  Besides 
this,  the  Lieutenant  of  the  Tower  had  a  gratuity  of  thirty  pounds 
from  every  peer  that  came  into  his  custody,  and  twenty  pounds  for 
every  gentleman  writing  himself  Avmiqer ,  and  in  default  could 
seize  upon  their  cloaks;  whence. arose  a  merry  saying  “  Best  go  to 
the  Tower  like  a  peeled  carrot  than  come  forth  like  one.” 

There  were  even  no  chains  used  in  this  state  prison;  of  fetters 
and  manacles  wTe  had  indeed  a  plenitude,  all  of  an  antique  pattern 
and  covered  with  rust;  but  no  irons  such  as  are  put  upon  their 
prisoners  by  vulgar  jailers  in  Newgale  and  elsewhere.  I  have 
heard  say  that  when  poor  Counselor  Layer,  that  wTas  afterward 
hanged,  drawn,  and  quartered  as  a  Jacobite,  and  his  head  stuck 
atop  of  Temple  Bar  hard  by  his  own  chambers — was  first  brought 
for  safer  custody  to  the  Tower,  breakings  out  of  Newgate  having 
been  common,  the  Government  sent  down  word  that,  as  a  deep- 
dyed  conspirator  and  desperate  rebel,  he  was  to  be  double-ironed. 
Upon  this  Mr.  Lieutenant  flies  into  a  mighty  heat,  and  taking  boat 
to  Whitehall,  wnits  on  Mr.  Secretary  at  the  Cockpit,  and  tells  him 
plainly  that  such  an  indignity  toward  his  Majesty’s  prisoners  in  the 
Tower  was  never  heard  of,  that  no  such  base  modes  of  coercion  as 
chains  or  bilboes  had  -ever  been  known  in  use  since  the  reign  of 
King  Charles  I.,  and  that  the  King’s  wTarders  were  there  to  see 
that  the  prisoners  did  not  attempt  Evasion.  To  which  Mr.  Sec¬ 
retary  answered,  with  a  grim  smile,  that  notwithstanding  all  the 
keenness  of  the  watch  and  ward,  he  had  often  heard  of  prisoners 
escaping  from  durance  in  the  Tower,  notably  mentioning  the  case 
of  my  Lord  Nithesdale,  who  escaped  in  his  lady’s  clothes;  and 
without  more  ado  informed  the  Lieutenant  that  Counselor  Layer 
must  be  chained  as  directed,  even  if  the  chains  had  to  be  forged  ex- 


200 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


pressly  for  him.  Upon  which  Mr.  Lieutenant  took  a  very  surly 
leave  of  the  Great  Man,  cursing  him  as  he  comes  down  the  steps  for 
a  Tliief-catclier  and  Tyburn  purveyor,  and  hied  him  to  Newgate, 
where  he  borrowed  a  set  of  double-irons  from  the  Peachum  or 
Lockit,  or  whatever  the  fellow's  name  was  that  kept  that  Den  of 
Thieves.  And  even  then,  when  they  had  gotten  llie  chains  to  the 
Tower,  none  of  the  warders  knew  how  to  put  them  on,  or  to  sully 
their  fingers  with  such  hangman’s  work;  and  so  they  were  fain  to 
have  a  blacksmith  with  his  anvil,  and  a  couple  of  turnkeys  down 
from  Newgate,  to  rivet  the  chains  upon  the  poor  gentleman’s  limbs; 
he  being  at  the  time  half  dead  of  a  Strangury;  but  so  cruel  was 
justice  in  those  days. 

When  I  first  came  to  the  Tower  we  had  but  few  prisoners;  for  it 
was  before  Ihe  Great  Rebellion  of  the  ’Forty-five;  and  for  a  few 
years  previous  the  times  had  been  after  a  manner  quiet.  Now  and 
then  some  notorious  Jacobite,  Seminarist,  or  seditious  person,  was 
taken  up;  but  he  was  rarely  of  sufficient  importance  to  be  confined 
in  our  illustrious  Prison,  and  was  either  had  to  Newgate,  or  else 
confined  in  the  lodgings  of  a  King’s  Messenger  till  his  examinations 
■were  over,  and  he  was  either  committed  or  Enlarged.  These  Mes¬ 
sengers  kept,  in  those  days,  a  kind  of  Sponging  Houses  for  High 
Treason,  where  Gentlemen  Traitors  who  were  nDt  in  very  great 
peril  lived,  as  it  were,  at  an  ordinary,  and  paid  much  dearer  for 
their  meat  and  lodging  than  though  they  had  been  at  some  bailiff’s 
lock-up  in  Cursitor  Street,  or  Tooke’s  Court,  or  the  Pied  Bull  in 
the  Borough.  We  had,  it  is  true,  for  a  long  time  a  Romanist 
Bishop  that  was  suspected  of  being  in  correspondence  with  St. 
Germain’s,  and  lay  for  a  long  time  under  detention.  He  was  a 
merry  old  soul,  and  most  learned  man;  would  dine  very  gayly  with 
Mr.  Lieutenant,  or  his  deputy,  or  the  Fort  Major,  swig  his  bottle  of 
claret,  and  play  a  game  of  tric-trac  afterward;  and  it  was  some¬ 
thing  laughable  to  watch  the  quiet  cunning  way  in  which  he  would 
seek  to  Convert  us  Warders  who  had  the  guarding  of  him  to  the 
Romanist  faith.  They  let  him  out  at  last  .upon  something  they 
called  a  Nolle  prosequi  of  the  Attorney- General,  or  some  such-like 
dignitary  of  the  law — which  nolle  prosequi  I  take  to  be  a  kind  of 
habeas  corpus  for  gentlefolks.  He  was  as  liberal  to  us  when  he 
departed  as  his  means  would  allow;  for  I  believe  that  save  his  cas¬ 
sock,  his  breviary,  a  gold  cross  round  his  neck,  and  episcopal  ring, 
and  a  portmantel  full  of  linen,  the  old  gentleman  had  neither  goods 
nor  chattels  in  the  wide  world;  indeed,  we  heard  that  the  Lieuten¬ 
ant  lent  him,  on  leaving,  a  score  of  gold  x>ieces,  for  friendship’s  sake, 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


201 


to  distribute  among  us.  But  lie  went  away — to  foreign  parts,  I 
infer — with  flying  colors;  for  everybody  loved  the  old  Bishop,  all 
Romanist  and  suspected  Jacobite  as  he  was. 

Then  came  that  dreadful  era  of  rebellion  of  which  I  have  spoken, 
and  we  Tower  Warders  found  that  our  holiday  time  was  over. 
"Whilst  the  war  still  raged  in  Scotland,  scarcely  a  day  passed  with¬ 
out  some  person  of  consequence  being  brought  either  by  water  to 
Traitor’s  Gate,  or  by  a  strong  escort  of  Horse  and  Foot  to  the 
Tower  Postern;  not  for  active  participation  in  the  Rebellion,  but  as 
a  measure  of  safety,  and  to  prevent  worse  harm  being  done.  And 
many  persons  of  consequence,  trust  me,  saved  their  heads  by  being 
laid  by  the  heels  for  a  little  time  while  the  hue  and  cry  was  afoot, 
and  Habeas  Corpus  suspended.  Fast  bind,  safe  find,  is  a  true 
proverb;  and  you  may  thank  your  stars,  even  if  your  enemies  have 
for  a  time  bound  you  with  chains  and  with  links  of  iron,  if,  when 
the  stormy  season  has  gone  past,  you  find  your  head  si  ill  safe  on 
your  shoulders.  Now  it  was  a  great  Lord  who  was  brought  to  the 
Tower,  and  from  whom  Mr.  Lieutenant  did  not  forget  to  claim 
his  thirty-pound  fee  on  entrance;  for  “here  to-day,  gone  to¬ 
morrow,”  he  reasoned,  and  so  shot  his  game  as  soon  as  he  had 
good  parview  of  the  same.  Now  it  was  some  Cheshire  or  Lanca¬ 
shire  Squire,  snatched  awTay  from  his  Inn,  at  the  Hercules’  Pillars, 
or  the  Catherine  Wheel  in  the  Borough,  as  being  vehemently  sus¬ 
pected  of  Jacobitism.  These  gentlemen  mostly  took  their  captivity 
in  a  very  cheerful  and  philosophical  manner.  They  w’ould  call  for  a 
round  of  spiced  beef,  a  tankard  of  ale,  and  a  pipe  of  tobacco,  so 
soon  as  ever  they  were  fairly  bestowed  in  their  lodgings;  drink  to 
the  King — taking  care  not  to  let  us  know  whether  his  name  began 
with  a  G  or  a  J,  with  many  jovial  ha-has,  and  were  as  happy  as  the 
day  was  long,  so  it  seemed  to  us,  if  they  had  but  a  pack  of  cards 
and  a  volume  of  the  Gentleman’s  Recreation,  or  Academy  of  Field 
Sports.  What  bowls  of  punch,  too,  they  would  imbibe  o’  nights, 
and  what  mad  carouses  they  would  have!  Such  roaring  Squires  as 
these  would  have  been  much  better  bestowed  in  the  Messengers’ 
Houses;  but  these  were  all  full,  likewise  the  common  jails;  nay, 
the  debtors’  prisons  and  vile  sponging-houses  were  taken  up  by 
Government  for  the  temporary  incarceration  of  suspected  persons. 

How  well  do  I  remember  the  dreadful  amazement  and  consterna. 
tion  which  broke  over  this  city  when  the  news  came  that  the  Prince 
— I  mean  the  Pretender — had  utterly  routed  the  King’s  troops  com¬ 
manded  by  Sir  John  Cope  at  Prestonpans;  that  the  Misguided 
Young  Man  had  entered  Edinburgh  at  the  head  of  a  furious  mob 


202 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


of  Higlilandmen,  whose  preposterous  style  of  dress  1  never  could 
abide,  and  who  in  those  days  we  Southrons  held  as  being  very  little 
better  than  painted  Savages;  that  the  ladies  of  the  Scottish  capital 
had  all  mounted  the  white  cockades,  and  were  embroidering  scarfs 
for  the  Pretender  and  his  officers,  and  that  the  Castle  of  Edin¬ 
burgh  alone  held  out  ’gainst  this  monstrous  uprising  to  destroy 
authority!  But  how  much  greater  was  the  Dismay  in  London  when 
we  learned  that  the  Rebels,  not  satisfied  with  their  conquests  in  his 
Majesty’s  Scottish  Dominions,  had  been  so  venturesome  as  to  in¬ 
vade  England  itself,  and  had  actually  advanced  so  far  as  the  trad¬ 
ing  town  of  Derby!  Then  did  those  who  had  been  long,  albeit  ob¬ 
scurely,  suspected  of  Jacobitism,  come  forth  from  their  lurking 
holes  and  corners,  and  almost  openly  avow  their  preference  for  the 
House  of  Stuart.  Then  did  very  many  respectable  persons,  formerly 
thought  to  be  excellently  well  affected  toward  King  George’s  person 
and  Government,  become  waverers,  or  prove  themselves  the  Turn¬ 
coats  they  had  always,  in  secret,  been,  and  seditiously  prophesy 
that  the  days  of  the  Hanoverian  dynasty  were  numbered.  Then 
did  spies  and  traitors  abound,  together  with  numbers  of  alarming 
rumors,  that  the  Chevalier  had  advanced  as  far  as  Barnet  on  the 
Great  North  Road;  that  his  Majesty  was  about  to  convey  himself 
away  to  Hanover:  that  the  Duke  of  Cumberland  was  dead;  that 
barrels  of  gunpowder  had  been  discovered  in  the  crypt  beneath 
Guildhall,  and  in  the  vaults  of  the  Chapel  Royal;  that  mutiny  was 
rife  among  the  troops;  that  the  Bank  of  England  was  about  to 
break;  with  sundry  other  distracting  reports  and  noises. 

Of  course  authority  did  all  it  could  to  reassure  the  public  mind, 
jessed  in  a  most  tempestuous  manner  as  it  was  by  conflicting  ac¬ 
counts.  Authority  bestirred  itself  to  put  down  seditious  meetings 
by  proclamation,  and  to  interdict  residence  in  the  capital  to  all 
known  Papists;  whereby  several  most  estimable  Catholic  gentle¬ 
men  (as  many  there  be  of  that  old  Faith)  were  forced  to  leave  their 
Town  Houses,  and  betake  themselves  to  mean  and  inconvenient 
dwellings  in  the  country.  The  gates  of  Temple  Bar  were  now 
shut,  on  sudden  alarms,  two  or  three  times  a  week;  as  though  the 
closing  of  these  rotten  portals  could  in  any  way  impede  the  progress 
of  rebellion,  or  do  anything  more  Ilian  further  to  hamper  the  already 
choked-up  progress  of  the  streets.  The  Lord  Mayor  was  mighty 
busy  calling  out  the  Train-bands,  and  having  them  drilled  in  Moor- 
fiekls,  for  the  defense  of  the  City;  and  a  mighty  fine  show  those 
ciitzen  soldiers  would  have  made  no  doubt  to  the  bare-legged  Higli- 
laudmen,  had  they  come  that  way.  The  Guards  at  all  the  posts  at 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


203 


the  Court  end  of  the  town  were  doubled,  and  we  at  the  Tower  put 
ourselves  into  a  perfect  state  of  defense.  Cannon  were  run  out; 
matches  kept  lighted;  whole  battalions  maintained  under  arms; 
munitions  and  provisions  of  war  laid  in,  as  though  to  withstand 
a  regular  siege;  draw-bridges  pulled  up  and  portcullises  lowered, 
with  great  clanking  of  chains  and  gnashing  of  old  iron  teeth;  and 
rich  sport  it  was  to  see  those  old  rust-eaten  engines  once  more 
brought  into  gear  again. 

But,  as  the  Wise  Man  saith  that  a  soft  answer  turneth  away 
wrath,  so  do  we  often  find  that  a  merry  word  spoken  in  season  will 
do  more  than  all  your  Flaming  Ordinances  and  Terrific  Denuncia¬ 
tions  of  Fire  and  Sword.  And  although  at  this  time  (beginning  of 
the  year  1746)  authority  very  properly  exerted  itself  to  procure 
obedience  to  the  constitution,  by  instilling  Awe  into  men’s  minds, 
and  did  breathe  nothing  in  its  official  documents  but  heading, 
hanging,  and  quartering,  with  threats  of  bombardment,  free  quar¬ 
ters,  drum-head  courts-martial,  chains,  gags,  fines,  imprisonment, 
and  sequestration — yet  I  question  whether  so  much  good  was  done 
by  these  toward  the  stability  of  the  cause  of  the  Protestant  Religion 
and  King  George,  or  so  much  harm  to  that  of  the  Pretender, 
Popery,  brass  money,  and  wooden  shoes,  as  by  a  little  series  of 
Pamphlels  put  forth  by  the  witty  Mr.  Henry  Fielding,  a  writer  of 
plays  and  novels  then  much  in  vogue;  but  a  sad  loose  fish,  although 
he  afterward,  as  I  am  told,  did  good  service  to  the  State  as  one  of 
the  justices  of  peace  for  Middlesex,  and  helped  to  put  down  many 
notorious  gangs  of  murderers,  highwaymen,  and  footpads  infesting 
the  metropolis.  This  Mr.  Fielding — whom  his  intimates  used  to 
call  Harry,  and  whom  I  have  often  seen  lounging  in  the  Temple 
Gardens,  or  about  the  gaming-houses  in  St.  James’s  Si  reet,  and  whom 
I  have  often  met,  I  grieve  to  say,  in  the  very  worst  of  company 
under  the  Piazzas  in  Covent  Garden  much  overtaken  in  liquor,  and 
his  fine  Lace  clothes  and  curled  periwig  all  besmirched  and  be¬ 
wrayed  after  a  carouse — took  up  the  Hanoverian  cause  very  hotly — 
having  perhaps  weighty  reasons  for  so  doing — and,  making  the 
very  best  use  of  his  natural  gifts  and  natural  weapons,  namely,  a 
very  strong  and  caustic  humor,  with  most  keen  and  trenchant 
satire,  did  infinite  harm  to  the  Pretender’s  side  by  laughing  at  him 
and  his  adherents.  He  published,  probably  at  the  charges  of  au¬ 
thority — for  he  was  a  needy  gentleman,  always  in  love,  in  liquor,  or 
in  debt — a  paper  called  the  “  True  Patriot,”  in  which  the  Jacobites 
were  most  mercilessly  treated.  Notably  do  I  recall  a  sort  of  sham 
diary  or  almanac,  purporting  to  be  written  by  an  honest  trades- 


204 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


man  of  tlie  City  during  the  predicted  triumph  of  the  Pretender, 
and  in  which  such  occurrences  were  noted  down  as  London  being 
at  the  mercy  of  Highlanders  and  Friars;  Walbrook  church  and 
many  others  being  razed  to  the  ground;  Father  O 'Blaze,  a  Domin¬ 
ican,  exulting  over  it;  Queen  Annes’s  statue  at  Paul’s  taken  away, 
and  a  large  Crucifix  erected  in  its  place;  the  Bank,  South-Sea, 
India  Houses,  etc.,  converted  into  convents;  Father  Macdagger,  the 
Poyal  confessor,  preaching  at  St.  James’s,  three  Anabaptists  hung 
at  Tyburn,  attended  by  their  or  dinar}",  Mr.  Maclienly  (a  grotesque 
name  for  the  ranting  fellow  who  was  wont  to  be  known  as  Orator 
Henley);  Father  Poignardini,  an  Italian  Jesuit,  made  Privy  Seal; 
four  Heretics,  burned  in  Smitlifield;  the  French  Embassador  made 
a  Duke,  with  precedence;  Cape  Breton  given  back  to  the  French, 
with  Gibraltar  and  Port  Mahon  to  the  Spaniards;  the  Pope’s  nuncio 
entering  London,  and  the  Lord  Mayor  and  Aldermen  kissing  his 
feet;  an  office  opened  in  Drury  Lane  for  the  sale  of  papistical 
Pardons  and  Indulgences;  with  the  like  prophecies  calculated  to 
arouse  the  bigotry  of  the  lower  and  middle  orders,  and  to  lash  them 
into  a  religious  as  well  as  a  political  frenzy.  For  a  cry  of  “No 
Popery  ”  has  ever  acted  upon  a  true-born  Englishman  as  a  red  rag 
does  on  a  bull.  Perhaps  the  thing  that  went  best  down  of  all  Mr. 
Fielding’s  drolleries,  and  tickled  the  taste  of  the  town  most  amaz¬ 
ingly,  was  the  passage  where  he  made  his  honest  London  trades¬ 
man  enter  in  his  diary  to  this  effect:  “  My  little  boy  Jacky  taken  ill 
of  the  itch.  He  had  been  on  the  parade  with  his  godfather  the  day 
before  to  see  the  Life  Guards,  and  had  just  touched  one  of  their 
plaids.”  One  of  the  King’s  Ministers  said  long  afterward  that  this 
passage  touching  the  itch  was  worth  two  regiments  of  horse  to  the 
cause  of  government.  At  this  distance  of  time  one  doesn’t  see 
much  wit  in  a  scurrilous  lampoon,  of  which  the  gist  was  to  taunt 
one’s  neighbors  with  being  afflicted  with  a  disease  of  the  skin;  and, 
indeed,  the  lower  ranks  of  English  were,  in  those  days,  anything 
but  free  from  similar  ailments,  and,  in  London  at  least,  were  in 
their  persons  and  manners  inconceivably  filthy.  But  ’tis  astonish¬ 
ing  what  a  mark  you  can  make  with  a  coarse  jest,  if  you  only  go 
far  enough,  and  forswear  justice  and  decency. 

Strange  but  true  is  it  to  remark  that,  in  the  midst  of  all  such 
tremendous  convulsions  as  wars,  battles,  sieges,  rebellions,  and 
other  martial  conflagrations,  men  and  women  and  children  do  eat 
and  drink,  and  love  and  marry,  and  beget  other  babes  of  humanity, 
and  at  last  Die  and  turn  to  dust,  precisely  as  though  the  world — or 
rather  the  concerns  of  that  gross  Orb — were  all  going  on  in  their 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


205 


ordinary  jog-trot  manner.  Although  from  day  to  day  we  people  in 
London  knew  not  whether  before  the  sun  set  the  dreaded  pibroch 
of  the  Highland  Clans  might  not  be  heard  at  Charing  Cross,  and 
the  barbarian  rout  of  Caterans  that  formed  the  Prince—  I  mean  the 
Chevalier — I  mean  the  Pretender’s  Army,  scattered  all  about  the 
City,  plundering  our  Chattels,  and  ravaging  our  fair  English 
homes;  although,  for  aught  men  knew,  another  month,  nay  another 
week,  might  see  King  George  the  Second  toppled  from  his  Throne, 
and  King  James  the  Third  installed,  with  his  Royal  Highness 
Charles  Edward  Prince  of  Wales  as  Regent;  although  it  was  but  a 
toss-up  whether  the  Archbishop  of  Canterbury  should  not  be  ousted 
from  Lambeth  by  a  Popish  Prelate,  and  the  whole  country  reduced 
to  Slavery  and  Bankruptcy — yet  to  those  who  lived  quiet  lives,  and 
kept  civil  tongues  in  their  heads,  all  things  went  on  pretty  much  as 
usual;  and  each  day  had  its  evil,  and  sufficient  for  the  day  was  the 
evil  thereof.  That  the  Highlandmen  were  at  Derby  did  not  prevent 
the  Hostess  of  1  he  Stone  Kitchen — that  famous  Tavern  in  the  Tower 
— from  bringing  in  one’s  reckoning  and  insisting  on  payment. 
That  there  was  consternation  at  St.  James’s,  with  the  King  medi¬ 
tating  flight  and  the  Royal  Family  in  tears  and  swooning,  did  not 
save  the  little  school-boy  a  whipping  if  he  knew  not  his  lesson  after 
morning  call.  It  will  be  so,  I  suppose,  until  the  end  of  the  wrorld. 
We  must  needs  eat  and  drink,  and  feel  heat  and  cold,  and  marry  or 
be  given  in  marriage,  whatsoever  party  prevail,  and  whatsoever 
King  carries  crown  and  scepter;  and  however  dreadful  the  crisis, 
we  must  have  our  Dinners,  and  fleas  will  bite  us,  and  corns  pinch 
our  Feet.  So  while  all  the  Public  were  talking  about  the  Rebellion, 
all  the  world  went  nevertheless  to  the  Playhouses,  where  they  played 
loyal  Pieces  and  sung  “  God  save  great  George  our  King  ”  every 
night;  as  also  to  Balls,  Ridottos,  Clubs,  Masquerades,  Drums, 
Routs,  Concerts,  and  Pharaoh  parties.  They  read  Novels  and 
flirted  their  fans,  and  powdered  and  patched  themselves,  and  dis¬ 
tended  their  coats  with  hoops,  just  as  though  there  were  no  such 
persons  in  the  world  as  the  Duke  of  Cumberland  and  Charles  Ed¬ 
ward  Stuart.  And  in  like  manner  we  Warders  in  the  Tower, 
though  ready  for  any  martial  emergency  that  might  turn  up,  were 
by  no  means  unnecessarily  afeard  or  distraught  with  anxiety;  but 
cat  and  drank  our  fill,  joked  the  pretty  girls  who  came  to  see  the 
shows  in  the  Tower,  and  trailed  our  halberts  in  our  usual  jovial 
devil-me-care  manner,  as  true  Cavaliers,  Warders  in  the  service  of 
his  Majesty  the  King  should  do. 

By  and  by  came  the  news  of  Stirling  and  Falkirk,  after  the  dig- 


206 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


astrous  retreat  of  the  Highlandmen  back  into  Scotland.  And  then 
happened  that  short  but  tremendous  fight  of  Drummossie  Moor, 
commonly  called  the  Battle  of  Culloden,  "where  claymores  and 
Lochaber  axes  clashed  and  glinted  for  the  last  time  against  English 
broadswords  and  bayonets.  After  this  was  what  was  called  the 
pacification  of  the  Highlands,  meaning  that  the  Duke  and  his 
dragoons  devastated  all  before  them  with  fire  and  sword;  and  then 
“  retributive  justice  ”  had  its  turn,  and  the  wTork  of  the  Tower 
Warders  began  in  earnest. 

Poor  cieatures!  theirs  was  a  hard  fate.  At  Carlisle,  at  Man¬ 
chester,  at  Tyburn  and  at  Kennington  Common,  London,  how 
many  unhappy  persons  suffered  death  in  its  most  frightful  form, 
to  say  nothing  of  the  unspeakable  ignominy  of  being  dragged  on  a 
hurdle  to  the  place  of  execution  and  mangled  in  the  most  horrible 
manner  by  the  Hangman’s  butcherly  knife,  merely  because  they 
held  that  King  James,  and  not  King  George,  was  the  rightful 
sovereign  of  these  realms!  Is  there  in  all  History — at  least  in  so 
much  as  it  touches  our  sentiments  and  feelings — a  more  lamentable 
and  pathetic  narration  than  the  story  of  Jemmy  Dawson  ?  This 
young  man,  Mr.  James  Dawson  by  name — for  by  the  endearing 
aggravative  of  Jemmy  he  is  only  known  in  Mr.  William  Shen- 
stone’s  charming  ballad  (the  gentleman  that  lived  at  the  Leasowes, 
and  writ  “  The  Schoolmistress,”  among  other  pleasing  pieces,  and 
spent  so  much  money  upon  Ornamental  Gardening) — this  Mr. 
James  Dawson,  I  say,  was  the  son  of  highly  reputable  parents, 
dwelling,  by  some,  ’  tis  said,  in  the  County  of  Lancashire,  by  others, 
in  the  County  of  Middlesex.  At  all  events,  his  father  was  a  Gentle¬ 
man  of  good  estate,  who  strove  hard  to  bring  up  his  son. in  the  ways 
of  piety  and  virtue.  But  the  youth  was  wild  and  froward,  and 
would  not  listen  to  the  sage  Counsels  that  wTere  continually  given 
him.  After  the  ordinary  grammar-school  education,  during  which 
course  he  much  angered  his  teachers — less  by  his  reckless  and  dis¬ 
obedient  conduct  than  by  his  perverse  flinging  away  of  his  oppor¬ 
tunities,  and  manifest  ignoring  of  the  parts  with  which  he  had  been 
gifted  by  Heaven — he  was  sent  to  the  University  of  Oxford  to  com¬ 
plete  the  curriculum  of  studies  necessary  to  make  him  a  complete 
gentleman.  And  I  have  heard,  indeed,  that  he  was  singularly  en¬ 
dowed  with  the  properties  requisite  for  the  making  of  that  very 
rare  animal — that  he  was  quick,  ready,  generous,  warm-hearted, 
skillful,  and  accomplished— that  he  rode,  and  drove,  and  shot,  and 
fenced,  and  swam,  and  fished  in  that  marvelously  finished  manner 
only  possible  to  those  who  seem  to  have  been  destined  by  a  capri- 


CAPTAIN-  DAKGEKOUS. 


207 


cions  fate  to  do  so  well  that  which  thejT  have  never  learned  to  do. 
And  at  college,  who  but  Jemmy  Dawson — who  but  he?  For  a 
wicked  prank,  or  a  mad  carouse;  for  a  trick  to  be  played  on  a 
proctor,  or  a  kiss  to  be  taken  by  stealth — who  such  a  Master  of 
Arts  as  our  young  Undergraduate?  But  at  his  lectures  and  chapels 
and  repetitions  he  was  (although  always  with  a  vast  natural  capac¬ 
ity)  an  inveterate  Idler;  and  he  did  besides  so  continually  violate 
and  outrage  the  college  rules  and  discipline,  that  his  Superiors, 
after  repeated  admonitions,  gatings,  impositions,  and  rustications 
(which  are  a  kind  of  temporary  banishment),  were  at  last  fain 
solemnly  to  expel  him  from  the  University.  Upon  which  his  father 
discarded  him  from  his  house,  vowing  that  he  would  leave  his 
broad  acres  (which  were  not  entailed)  to  his  Nephew,  and  bidding 
him  go  to  the  Devil,  whither  he  accordingly  proceeded,  but  by  a 
very  leisurely  and  circuitous  route.  But  the  young  Rogue  had 
already  made  a  more  perilous  journey  than  this,  for  he  had  fallen 
in  Love  with  a  young  Madame  of  exceeding  Beauty,  and  of  large 
Fortune  in  her  own  right,  the  daughter  of  a  neighboring  Baronet. 
And  she,  to  her  sorrow,  poor  soul,  became  as  desperately  enamored 
of  this  young  Scapegrace,  and  would  have  run  away  with  him,  I 
have  no  doubt,  had  he  asked  her,  but  for  a  spark  of  honor  which 
Still  remained  in  that  reckless  heart,  and  forbade  his  linking  the 
young  girl,  all  good  and  pure  as  she  was,  to  so  desperate  a  life  as 
his.  And  so  he  went  wandering  for  a  time  up  and  down  the 
country,  swaggering  with  his  boon  companions,  and  pawning  his 
Father’s  credit  in  whatsoever  inns  and  pothouses  he  came  unto, 
until,  in  the  beginning  of  that  fatal  year  ’46,  he  must  needs  find 
himself  at  Manchester  without  a  Shilling  in  his  pocket,  or  the 
means  of  raising  one.  It  was  then  the  time  that  the  town  of  Man¬ 
chester  had  been  captured,  in  the  Pretender’s  interest,  by  a  Scots 
Sergeant  and  a  Wench;  and  the  notorious  Colonel  Towneley  was 
about  raising  the  Manchester  Regiment  of  Lancashire  Lads  to  fight 
for  Prince  Charlie.  Desperate  Jemmy  Dawson  enlisted  under 
Towneley:  and  soon,  being  a  young  fellow  of  good  figure  and  shin¬ 
ing  talenls,  was  made  a  Captain.  But  the  ill-fated  Manchester  Regi¬ 
ment  was  ere  long  broken  up;  and  Jemmy  Dawson,  with  Colonel 
Towneley  himself,  and  many  other  of  the  officers,  were  captured. 
They  were  all  tried  at  the  Assizes  held  after  the  Assizes  at  St. 
Margaret’s  Hill,  Southwark;  and  James  Dawson,  being  convicted 
of  high  treason,  was  sentenced  to  the  usual  horrible  punishment  for 
that  offense.  He  was  drawn  on  a  hurdle  to  Kennington  Common; 
he  was  hanged,  disemboweled,  and  quartered;  but  the  young 


208 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


Madame  of  whom  I  have  spoken  was  true  to  him  unto  the  last. 
For  many  days  following  the  sentence  she  vainly  solicited  his 
pardon;  hut  finding  all  useless,  she  on  the  fatal  morning  (having 
trimmed  a  shroud  for  him  overnight,  in  which,  poor  Soul,  his 
mangled  remains  were  not  to  rest),  followed  him  in  a  Mourning, 
Coach  to  Kennington  Common.  She  saw  the  Dreadful  Tragedy 
played  out  to  its  very  last  Act;  and  then  she  just  turned  on  her 
Side  in  the  Coach,  and  with  a  soft  murmur,  breathing  Jemmy’s 
Name,  she  Died.  Surely  a  story  so  piteous  as  this  needs  no  com¬ 
ment.  And  by  Heaven  it  is  True! 


CHAPTER  THE  SEVENTEENTH. 

REBELLION  IS  MADE  AN  END  OF,  AND  AFTER  SOME  FURTHER 
SERVICE  "WITH  HIS  MAJESTY  I  GO  INTO  BUSINESS  ON  MY  OWN 
ACCOUNT. 

Memorandum. — About  a  year  before  the  Rebellion,  as  the  Earl  of 
Kilmarnock  was  one  day  walking  in  his  Garden,  he  was  suddenly 
alarmed  with  a  fearful  Shriek,  which,  while  he  was  reflecting  on 
with  Astonishment,  was  soon  after  repeated.  On  this  he  went  into 
the  House,  and  inquired  of  his  Lady  and  all  the  Servants,  but 
could  not  discover  from  whom  or  whence  the  Cry  proceeded;  but 
missing  his  Lady’s  Woman,  he  was  informed  that  she  was  gone 
into  an  Upper  Room  to  inspect  some  Linen.  Whereupon  the  Earl 
and  his  Lady  went  up  and  opened  the  Door,  which  was  only  latched. 
But  no  sooner  did  the  Gentlewoman  within  set  eyes  on  his  Lord¬ 
ship’s  face  than  she  fainted  away.  When,  proper  aid  being  given 
to  her,  she  was  brought  to  herself,  they  asked  her  the  meaning  of 
what  they  had  heard  and  seen.  She  replied,  that  while  she  sat 
sewing  some  Linen  she  had  taken  up  to  mend,  the  Door  opened  of 
itself,  and  a  Bloody  Head  entered  the  Room,  and  rolled  upon  the 
floor;  that  this  dreadful  Sight  had  made  her  cry  out,  and  then  the 
Bloody  Head  disappeared;  that  in  a  few  Moments  she  saw  the  same 
frightful  Apparilion  again,  on  which  she  repeated  her  Shrieks;  and 
at  the  third  time  she  fainted  away,  but.  was  just  recovered  when 
she  saw  his  Lordship  coming  in,  which  had  made  the  Impression 
on  her  they  had  been  witness  of. 

This  Relation  given  by  the  affrighted  Gentlewoman  was  only 
laughed  at  and  ridiculed  as  the  Effect  of  Spleen  Vapors,  or  the 
Frenzy  of  a  deluded  Imagination,  and  was  thought  no  more  of,  till 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


209 


one  Night,  when  the  Earl  of  Kilmarnock,  sitting  round  a  Bowl  by 
the  Winter  Fire  with  my  Lord  Galloway — and  it  is  at  such  a  Time 
that  men  are  most  prone  to  fall- to  telling  of  Ghost  Stories — and  their 
Lordships’  conversation  turning  on  Specters  and  Apparitions,  the 
vulgar  notions  of  which  they  were  deriding,  the  terrible  tale  of  the 
Bloody  Head  was  brought  up,  and  then  dismissed  as  the  idle  fancy 
of  a  Hoity-toity  Tirewoman.  But  after  Kilmarnock  had  engaged 
in  the  Rebellion,  and  Lord  Galloway  was  told  of  it,  he  instantly 
recollected  this  Story,  and  said,  ‘  ‘  I  will  wager  a  dozen  Magnums  of 
Claret,  and  my  best  silver-laced  Justaucorps,  that  my  Lord  Kilmar¬ 
nock  will  lose  his  Head.0 

Nobody  took  his  bet,  not  daring  thus  to  trifle  with  the  lives  of  the 
Quality;  but  that  Scots  Lord  lost  his  Head,  notwithstanding;  and  I 
saw  it  cut  off  on  Tower  Hill  in  the  latter  summer  of  the  year  ’46. 

This  story  of  the  Bloody  Head  was  common  Talk  among  us  Ward¬ 
ers  at  the  time — who  were  full  as  superstitious  as  oilier  Folks,  you 
may  be  sure.  Many  such  Legends  are  there,  too,  current  of  Per¬ 
sons  who  were  to  die  Violent  Heaths  at  the  hands  of  the  Public  Ex¬ 
ecutioner,  being  forewarned  many  years  before  of  their  impending 
Fate.  And  sometimes  hath  the  Monition  come  nearer  to  the 
Catastrophe,  as  in  the  case  of  K.  C.  the  1st.,  who,  entering  West¬ 
minster. Hall  at  that  Unnatural  Assize  presided  over  by  Bradshaw, 
the  Gold  Head  fell  off  his  Walking- Staff,  and  rolled  on  the  Pave¬ 
ment  of  the  Hall  among  the  Soldiers;  nor,  when  it  was  restored  to 
him,  could  any  Efforts  of  his  make  it  remain  on.  Also  it  is  said  of 
my  Lord  Derwentwater,  that  the  last  time  he  went  a-liunting  in  the 
north,  before  he  joined  the  Old  Chevalier  St.  George,  his 
whippers-in  unearthed  a  litter  of  Fox-cubs,  every  one  of  which  Ver¬ 
min  had  been  born  without  Heads.  And  as  well  authenticated  is 
it,  that  when  my  Lord  Balmerino  (that  suffered  on  Tower  Hill  with 
the  Earl  of  Kilmarnock)  was  coming  back  condemned  to  Death  from 
his  Trial  before  his  Peers  at  Westminster,  his  Lordship  being  of  a 
merry,  Epicurean  temper,  and  caring  no  more  for  Death  than  a 
Sailor  does  for  a  wet  Shirt,  stopped  the  coach  at  a  Fruiterer’s  at 
Charing  Cross,  where  he  must  needs  ask  Mr.  Lieutenant ’s  Attend¬ 
ant  to  buy  him  some  Honey-Blobbs,  which  is  the  Scottish  name  for 
ripe  Goseberries. 

“And  King  Geordie  maun  pay  for  the  bit  fruitie;  for  King 
James’s  auld  soldier  has  nae  siller  of  his  ain  save  twa  guineas  for 
Jock  Headsman,”  quoth  he  in  his  jocular  manner,  meaning  that 
those  about  him  must  pay  for  the  Gooseberries;  for  indeed  this 
Lord  was  very  poor,  and  I  have  heard  was,  when  in  town,  so  much 


210 


CAPTAIN"  DANGEROUS. 


driven  as  to  borrow  money  from  the  Man  who  keeps  the  Tennis- 
court  in  James  Street,  Haymarket. 

Well,  it  so  happened  that  the  Season  was  a  backward  one;  and 
the  Fruiterer  sends  his  duty  out  to  his  Lordship,  saying  that  he  has 
no  ripe  Gooseberries,  but  that  of  green  ones  he  has  a  store,  to  which 
that  unfortunate  Nobleman  is  heartily  welcome. 

“  I’ll  e’en  try  one,”  says  my  Lo.xd;  and  from  a  Punnet  they 
brought  him  he  picks  a  Green  Goseberry;  when,  wonderful  to 
relate,  it  swells  in  his  hand  to  the  bigness  at  least  of  an  Egg-plum, 
and  turns  the  color  of  Blood.  “  The  de’il’s  in  the  Honey  Blobb,” 
cries  my  Lord  in  a  tiff,  and  flings  it  out  of  window,  where  it  made  a 
great  red  stain  on  the  pavement. 

And  this  the  Warder  who  stood  by,  and  the  Messenger  who  was 
in  the  coach  itself,  told  me. 

Less  need  is  t  here  to  speak  of  such  strange  adventures  as  my  Lady 
Nithisdale’s  child  (that  was  born  soon  after  her  Lord’s  escape  from 
the  Tower,  in  which,  with  such  a  noble  valor  and  self-sacrifice,  she 
aided  him)  being  brought  into  the  World  with  a  broad  Ax  figured, 
as  though  by  a  Limner,  on  its  Neck;  or  of  the  Countess  of  Crolnar- 
tie’s  infant  (she  likewise  Lay-in  while  the  Earl  was  under  sentence) 
having  a  thin  red  line  or  thread  right  round  its  neck.  These  things 
are  perhaps  to  be  accounted  more  as  Phenomena  of  nature  than  as 
ominous  prognostications,  and  I  so  dismiss  ’em.  But  it  is  worth 
while  to  note  that,  for  all  the  good  authority  we  have  of  Lord 
Kilmarnock’s  Waiting- woman  being  affrighted  by  the  vision  of  a 
Bloody  Head,  the  story  itself,  or  at  least  something  germane  to  it,  is 
as  old  as  the  Hills.  During  my  travels  in  Sweden,  I  was  told  of  a 
very  strange  mischance  that  had  happened  to  one  of  their  Kings 
who  was  named  Charles; — but  Charles  the  what,  I  do  confess  I 
know  not; — who  walking  one  evening  in  his  garden,  saw  all  at  once 
a  Wing  of  the  Palace,  that  had  been  shut  up  and  deserted  for 
Twenty  years,  all  blazing  with  Light  from  the  Windows,  as  for 
some  great  Festival.  And  his  Majesty,  half  suspecting  this  might 
be  some  Masquerading  prank  on  the  part  of  the  Court  Ladies,  and 
half  afraid  that  there  was  mischief  in  it,  drew  his  Sword,  and  call¬ 
ing  upon  a  brace  of  his  Gentlemen  to  follow  him,  stave-in  a  door 
and  came  into  a  Great  Old  Hall,  that  was  the  principal  apartment 
in  the  said  Wing.  And  at  the  upper  End,  where  the  ancient  Throne 
of  his  ancestors  was  long  since  gone  to  Rags  and  Tatters,  and 
abandoned  to  Dust  and  Cobwebs,  he  sawr,  sitting  on  the  chair  of 
Estate,  and  crowned,  a  little  child  that  was  then  but  a  boy — the 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


211 


Duke  of  Sudermania.  And  lo!  as  lie  gazed  upon  him  a  Dreadful 
Ball,  that  seemed  fashioned  in  the  similitude  of  his  own  Head, 
showed  itself  under  the  Throne,  rolled  down  the  steps,  and  so  came 
on  to  his  very  Feet,  where  it  stopped,  splashing  his  Boots  unto  the 
very  ankle  with  Gore.  The  tale  of  the  Bloody  Boots,  as  ’tis  called, 
is  still  quite  familiar  to  every  Nurse  in  Sweden;  but  I  never  heard 
how  it  ended,  or  whether  King  Charles  had  his  Head  cut  off  in  the 
Long  run;  but  every  Swede  will  swear  to  the  Story:  and  as  for  the 
Boots,  I  have  heard  that  they  are  to  be  seen,  with  the  dark-brown 
stains  of  the  Blood  still  upon  ’em,  in  a  glass  case  at  the  House  of 
one  Mr.  Herdstrom,  who  sells  Aqua  Vitae  over  the  Milliner’s  in 
the  Bogbindersgade  at  Stockholm. 

’Twas  in  the  summer  of  1747  that  I  put  off  my  Warder’s  dress 
for  good  and  all,  the  Rebellion  being  by  this  time  quite  Dead  and 
crushed  out;  but  before  I  laid  down  my  halbert  ’twas  my  duty  to 
assist  at  the  crowning  consummation  of  that  disastrous  Tragedy. 
One  of  the  Prime  Traitors  in  the  Scottish  risings  had  been,  it  is  well 
known,  the  notorious  Simon  Fraser,  Lord  Lovat,  of  Castle  Downie, 
in  Scotland,  then  come  to  be  Eighty  years  old,  and  as  atrocious  an 
old  Villain  as  ever  lived,  but  so  cunning  that  he  cheated  the  Gal¬ 
lows  for  three  quarters  of  a  century,  and  died  like  a  Gentleman,  by 
the  Ax,  at  last.  He  had  been  mixed  up  in  every  plot  for  the 
bringing  back  of  King  James  ever  since  the  Old  Chevalier’s  Father 
gave  up  the  Ghost  at  St.  Germain’s,  yet  had  somehow  managed  to 
escape  scot-free  from  Attainder  and  Confiscation.  Even  in  the 
’45,  when  he  sent  the  Clan  Fraser  to  join  the  Young  Chevalier,  he 
tried  his  best  to  make  his  poor  Son,  the  Master  of  Lovat  (a  very 
virtuous  and  gallant  young  Gentleman),  the  scapegoat  for  his  mis¬ 
deeds,  playing  Fast  and  Loose  between  France  and  the  Jacobites  on 
one  side,  and  the  Lord  Justice  Clerk  and  the  King’s  Government 
on  the  other.  But  Justice  had  him  on  the  hip  at  last,  and  the  old 
Fox  was  caught.  They  brought  him  to  London  by  Easy  Stages,  as 
he  was,  or  pretended  to  be,  mighty  Infirm;  and  while  he  was  rest¬ 
ing  at  an  Inn  at  St.  Alban’s,  Mr.  Hogarth  the  Painter  (whom  I  have 
seen  many  a  time  smoking  a  pipe  and  making  Caricatures  of  the 
Company  at  the  Tavern  he  used — the  Bedford  Head,  Maiden  Lane,. 
Covent  Garden:  a  skillful  Draughtsman,  this  Mr.  Hogarth,  but  very 
Uppish  and  Impudent  in  his  Tone;  for  I  remember  that  he  once 
called  me  Captain  Compound,  seeing,  as  the  fellow  said,  that  I  was 
made  up  of  three — Captain  Bobadil,  Captain  Macheatli,  and  Cap¬ 
tain  Kya) — this  Mr.  II.  went  down  to  St.  Alban’s,  and  took  a  pict¬ 
ure  of  the  old  Lord,  as  he  sat  in  his  great  chair,  counting  the 


212. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


strength  of  the  Scottish  clans  on  liis  fingers.  ’Twas  afterward 
graved  on  copper,  and  had  a  prodigious  sale. 

Monday,  March  9th,  began  this  Lord’s  Trial,  very  Grand  and 
Stately,  which  took  place  in  Westminster  Hall,  fitted  up  anew  for 
the  occasion,  with  the  Throne,  and  chairs  for  the  Prince  and  the 
Duke,  brave  in  Velvet  and  Gold,  Scarlet  benches  for  the  Peers,  gal¬ 
leries  for  Ladies  and  Foreign  Embassadors,  boxes  for  the  Lawyers 
and  the  Managers  of  the  House  of  Commons  that  preferred  the  Im¬ 
peachment,  and  a  great  railed  platform,  that  was  half  like  a  Scaffold 
itself,  for  the  Prisoner.  So  we  Warders,  and  a  Strong  Guard  of 
Horse  Grenadiers  and  Foot- Soldiers,  brought  him  down  from  the 
Tower  to  Westminster,  Mr.  Fowler,  the  Gentleman  Jailer,  attend¬ 
ing  with  the  Ax;  but  the  Edge  thereof  turned  away  from  his 
Lordship.  The  Crown  Lawyers,  Sir  William  Yonge,  Sir  Dudley 
Rider,  and  Sir  John  Strange,  that  were  of  Counsel  for  the  Crown, 
opened  against  him  in  a  very  bitter  manner;  at  which  the  Old  Sin¬ 
ner  grinned,  and  likened  them  to  hounds  fighting  for  a  very  tough 
Morsel  which  was  scarce  worth  the  Tearing.  Then  he  plagues  the 
Lord  Steward  for  permission  for  Counsel  to  be  granted  to  him  to 
speak  on  his  behalf,  which  by  law  could  not  be  granted,  and  for  a 
short-hand  writer  to  take  minutes,  which,  after  some  delay,  was 
allowed.  One  Scliield,  that  was  the  first  Witness  called,  deposing 
that  Lord  Lovat  made  one  of  a  company  of  gentlemen  who  in  1740 
drank  healths  and  sung  catches,  such  as  “  Confusion  to  the  White 
Horse  ”  (meaning  the  heraldic  cognizance  of  Hanover)  “  and  all  his 
generation.”  and 

“  When  Jemmy  comes  o’er, 

We  shall  have  blood  and  blows  galore,” 

my  Lord  cries  out  upon  him  as  a 'False  Villain  and  Perjured  Rascal. 
And  was  thereupon  admonished  by  the  Lord  Steward  to  more  de¬ 
corous  behavior.  Item :  that  he  laid  all  the  blame  of  the  Frasers 
rising  upon  his  Son,  saying  with  Crocodile  Tears  that  he  was  not 
the  first  who  had  an  Undutiful  Son;  whereupon  the  young  gentle 
man  cries  out  in  natural  Resentment  that  he  would  put  the  Saddle 
on  the  right  Horse.  But  this  and  many  other  charges  were  brought 
home  to  him,  and  that  he  had  long  foregathered  with  the  Pretender, 
of  whom  he  spoke  in  a  mock- tragedy  style  as  “the  young  man 
Thomas  Kuli  Khan.”  When  upon  his  defense,  he  told  many  Lies, 
and  strove  to  Butter  their  Lordships  with  specious  Compliments 
and  strained  Eulogies;  but  ’t would  not  serve.  The  Lords  being  re¬ 
tired  into  their  own  chamber,  and  the  question  being  put  whether 


CAPTAIN-  DANGEROUS. 


213 


Simon  Lord  Lovat  was  guilty  of  all  the  charges  of  high  treason 
brought  against  him,  every  one,  laying  his  hand  on  his  left  breast, 
and  beginning  with  the  Junior  Baron,  answered,  “  Guilty,  upon 
my  honor.  ’  ’  And  the  next  day,  which  was  on  the  seventh  of  the 
Trial,  he  was  solemnly  sentenced  to  Die  as  a  Traitor;  his  Grace  the 
Lord  Steward  making  a  most  affecting  Speech,  in  which  he  re¬ 
proached  the  Lord  at  the  Bar  with  having  unnaturally  endeavored 
to  cast  the  blame  of  his  malpractices  on  his  son:  Which,”  said  his 
Grace,  “  if  it  be  true,  is  an  impiety  that  makes  one  tremble;  for,  to 
quote  a  wise  author  of  antiquity,  the  love  of  our  country  includes 
all  other  social  affections,  which,”  he  continued,  “  shows  a  perfect 
knowledge  of  human  nature;  for  we  see,  when  that  is  gone,  even 
the  tenderest  of  all  affections — -the  parental — may  be  extinguished 
with  it.”  Upon  which  Admirable  Discourse,  my  fellow- Warder, 
Miles  Bandolier,  fell  a  blubbering,  and  wiping  his  eyes  with  his 
laced  sleeve,  whimpers  that  it  is  something,  after  all,  to  be  a  Lord 
to  be  cast  for  Death  in  such  Sweet  Terms;  for  no  Judge  at  the  old 
Bailey  would  think  of  wasting  Sugared  words  upon  the  rogue  he 
sent  to  Tyburn.  Which  is  true. 

When  all  was  done,  and  the  Lord  Steward  had,  by  breaking  his 
Staff,  declared  the  commission  void,  the  Prisoner,  with  a  grimace 
twinkling  about  his  wicked  old  mouth,  bespoke  his  Majesty’s  good 
consideration,  and,  turning  to  the  Managers  of  the  Commons,  cries 
out,  “  I  hope,  as  ye  are  stout,  ye  will  be  merciful!”  Upon  which 
one  Mr.  Polwhedlyan,  that  sat  for  a  Cornish  borough,  and  was  a 
very  Fat  Man,  thinking  himself  directly  concerned,  shook  his  head 
with  great  gravity  of  countenance.  But  the  old  Villain  was  but 
Play-acting  again,  and  could  but  see  that  the  Game  was  up;  for  as 
the  Lords  were  filing  back  to  the  House,  he  calls  after  them,  “  God 
bless  you  all!  I  bid  you  an  everlasting  farewell;  for  in  this  place  we 
shall  never  meet  again.”  He  said,  “  God  bless  you!”  with  a  kind 
of  fiendish  yowl  quite  horrible  to  behold;  and  if  ever  man’s  benison 
sounded  like  a  curse,  it  was  that  of  bad  old  Lord  Lovat. 

A  very  sad  sight  at  this  memorable  Trial  was  the  Appearance  and 
Demeanor  of  J.  Murray,  of  Broughton,  Esq.,  that  had  been  the 
Chevalier’s  Secretary — deepest  of  all  in  his  Secrets,  and  most  loved 
and  trusted  by  him.  The  unhappy  man,  to  save  liis  Life,  had  be¬ 
trayed  his  master  and  turned  King’s  Evidence,  not  only  against 
Lord  Lovat,  but  many  other  unhappy  Gentlemen.  I  never  saw  such 
a  shrinking,  cowering,  liang-dog  figure  as  was  made  by  this  Person 
in  the  Box;  and  burned  with  shame  within  myself  to  think  that  this 
should  be  a  Man  of  Gentle  birth,  and  that  had  touched  the  hand  of 


214 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


a  King’s  Son — Grandson,  I  mean.  Accomplished  scoundrel  as 
Lovat  was,  even  a  deeper  abhorrence  was  excited  by  this  Judas; 
when  he  first  stood  up,  the  Lords,  after  gazing  at  him  for  a  moment 
with  Contempt,  turned  their  Backs  upon  him.  The  Crown  Law¬ 
yers  treated  him  in  the  manner  that  an  Old-Bailey  Counselor  would 
cross-examine  an  approver  in  a  case  of  Larceny;  and  as  for  the 
Prisoner,  he  just  shut  his  eyes  while  Murray  was  giving  evidence; 
and  when  he  had  finished  turns  to  the  Gentleman  Jailer  and  asks, 
with  his  eyes  still  shut,  “  Is  It  goae?”  meaning  Judas.  At  which 
there  was  some  merriment. 

’Twas  just  a  month  after  this  trial,  on  April  9th,  that  Justice  was 
done  upon  Simon  Fraser.  He  had  eaten  and  drunk  heartily,  and 
cracked  many  scurril  Jokes  while  under  sentence,  and  seemed  not 
to  care  Twopence  whether  he  was  Reprieved  or  Not.  On  the  fatal 
day  he  waked  about  three  in  the  morning,  and  prayed,  or  pretended 
to  pray,  with  great  Devotion.  At  all  events,  we  Warders  heard 
him;  and  he  made  Noise  enough.  At  five  he  rose  and  called  for  a 
glass  of  Wine-and- Water,  after  drinking  which  he  Read  till  seven. 
Then  he  took  some  more  Wine-and- Water,  and  at  eight  desired  that 
his  Wig  might  be  sent  to  the  Barber  to  be  combed  out  genteelly. 
Also,  among  some  knickknacks  that  he  kept  in  a  casket,  he  looked 
out  a  Purse  made  somewhat  in  the  Scotch  fashion,  of  sealskin,  to 
hold  the  money  which  he  desired  to  give  to  the  Executioner.  At 
half  after  nine  he  breakfasted  very  heartily  of  Minced  Veal,  which 
he  hoped  would  not  indigest,  he  facetiously  remarked,  ordering 
Chocolate  and  Coffee  for  his  Friends,  whose  Health  he  drank  him¬ 
self  in  Wine-and- Water.  At  eleven  the  Sheriffs  sent  to  demand  liis 
Body,  when  he  desired  all  present,  save  we  who  were  at  the  Door, 
to  retire,  that  he  might  say  a  short  prayer.  Presently  he  calls  ’em 
again,  saying,  “  I  am  ready.”  At  the  bottom  of  the  first  Pair  of 
Stairs  from  his  Chamber,  General  Williamson,  the  Commandant  of 
the  Garrison,  invited  him  into  his  room  to  rest  himself.  He  com¬ 
plied  most  cheerfully,  and  in  French  desired  that  he  might  be 
allowed  to  take  leave  of  his  Lady,  and  thank  her  for  all  the  civilities 
— for  she  had  sent  him  victuals  every  day  from  her  own  Table, 
dressed  in  the  French  fashion,  which  he  much  affected — which  she 
had  shown  him  during  his  confinement.  But  the  General  told  him, 
likewise  in  French,  that  she  was  too  much  afflicted  by  his  Lord¬ 
ship’s  Misfortunes  to  bear  the  shock  of  parting  with  him,  and  so 
begged  to  be  excused.  Which  means,  that  she  did  not  care  about 
being  pawed  and  mauled  by  this  wicked  Old  Satyr  in  his  last  Mo¬ 
ments;  though,  with  the  curiosity  natural  to  her  Sex,  I  saw  with 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


215 


my  own  eyes  Madame  Williamson,  in  a  new  Hoop  and  a  grand  silk 
Calash,  and  with  half  a  dozen  of  her  gossips,  at  a  window  of  the 
House  on  Tower  Hill  hard  by  the  Sheriff’s,  and  overlooking  the 
Scaffold. 

Now  we  Warders  closed  up  about  him;  and  preceded  and  fol¬ 
lowed  by  Foot  Soldiers,  he  was  conveyed  in  the  Governor’s  Coach 
to  the  Outward  Gate,  and  so  delivered  over  to  the  Sheriffs,  who. 
giving  a  Receipt  for  his  Bod}r,  conveyed  him  in  another  coach  (hired 
for  the  two  former  Lords,  Kilmarnock  and  Balmerino)  to  the  said 
House  close  to  the  Scaffold,  in  which  (the  House)  was  a  room  lined 
with  Black  Cloth  and  hung  with  Sconces. 

A  gentleman  of  a  Pious  Mien  here  beginning  to  read  a  Prayer  for 
him,  he  bade  me  help  him  up  that  he  might  Kneel.  One  of  the 
Sheriffs  then  asked  him  if  he  would  take  a  Glass  of  Wine;  but  he 
said  that  he  would  prefer  Negus.  But  there  was  no  warm  water, 
unhappily,  at  hand,  and  says  his  Lordship,  with  his  old  Grin,  “  The 
warm  bluid  is  nae  tappit  yet;”  so  they  brought  him  a  glass  of 
burned  brandy-and-bitters,  which  h.,  drank  with  great  Gusto. 

He  desired  that  all  his  Clothes  should  be  given  to  his  friends,  to¬ 
gether  with  his  Corpse,  remarking  that  for  such  end  he  would  give 
the  Executioner  Ten  instead  of  Five  guineas,  which  is  the  cus¬ 
tomary  Compliment.  To  each  of  the  dozen  Warders  there  present 
he  gave  a  Jacobus;  to  Miles  Bandolier  fifty  shillings;  and  on  myself, 
who  had  specially  attended  on  him  ever  since  he  was  first  brought 
to  the  Tower,  he  bestowed  Five  gold  pieces.  As  I  pouched  the 
money,  he  clapped  me  on  the  shoulder,  and  says  in  his  comical 
way, 

c  ‘  I  ^warrant,  now,  that  beer  and  pudding  would  sit  as  easy  under 
thy  laced  jerkin  were  ‘  J.  R.,’  and  not  ‘  G.  R.,'  blazoned  on  thee, 
back  and  breast.” 

But  anon  a  light  cloud  passed  over  his  visage,  and  I  heard  him 
mutter  to  himself  in  the  Scottish  dialect,  “Beef  and  pudding!  ’tis 
cauld  kail  for  Fraser  the  morn.” 

Then  turning  to  the  Sheriffs,  he  desired  that  his  Head  might  be 
received  in  a  Cloth  and  put  into  the  Coffin,  the  which  they  promised 
him;  likewise  that  (if  it  could  be  done  without  censure)  the  cere¬ 
mony  of  holding  up  the  Head  at  the  Four  Corners  of  the  Scaffold 
should  be  dispensed  with.  His  Lordship  seemed  now  indeed  very 
weak  in  his  Body,  albeit  in  no  way  disconcerted  as  to  his  Mind; 
and,  as  Miles  Bandolier  and  your  Humble  Servant  escorted  him  up 
the  steps  of  the  Scaffold,  he  looked  around,  and  gazing  upon  the 
immense  concourse  of  people. 


216 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


“God  save  us!”  says  lie;  “why  should  there  he  such  a  bustle 
about  taking  off  ane  gray  head,  that  can  not  get  up  Three  Steps 
without  Three  Bodies  to  support  it!” 

From  which  it  will  be  seen  that  his  Lordship  had  a  Merry  Humor 
until  the  last. 

No  sooner  was  he  on  the  fatal  Platform  than,  seeing  me  (as  he 
condescended  to  think)  much  dejected,  he  claps  me  on  the  shoulder 
again,  saying,  “  Cheer  up  thy  heart,  laddie  in  scarlet.  I  am  not 
afraid;  why  should  you?” 

Then  he  asks  for  the  Executioner — that  was  none  other,  indeed, 
than  Jack  Ketch,  the  Common  Hangman,  dressed  up  in  black,  with, 
a  Mask  on,  for  the  days  of  Gentlemen  Headsmen  have  long  since 
passed  away;  though  some  would  have  it  that  this  was  a  Surgeon 
Apprentice,  that  dwelled  close  to  their  Hall  in  the  Old  Bailey,  and 
turned  executioner  for  a  Frolic;  but  I  am  sure  it  was  Ketch,  for  he 
came  afterward  to  the  Stone  Kitchen,  wanting  to  treat  all  present 
to  Drink;  but  the  meanest  Grenadier  there  would  have  none  of  the 
Hangman’s  liquor,  for  all  that  the  Blood  on  his  jerkin  was  that  of 
a  Lord;  and  the  fellow  grew  so  impertinent  at  last  that  we  Warders 
were  constrained  to  turn  him  out  of  the  Fortress,  and  forbid  him  to 
return  under  pain  of  a  Drubbing.  “  I  shall  see  you  no  more  in  the 

Towei,”  quoth  the  impadent  rascal;  “but,  by - ,  you  shall  all 

of  you  meet  me  at  Tyburn  some  day,  and  I’ll  sell  your  lace  doublets 
in  Rosemary  Lane  after  that  your  throttles  are  twisted.”  But  to 
resume.  Lord  Lovat  gave  this  murderous  wretch  with  the  Ax 
Ten  Guineas  in  a  Purse.  Then  he  felt  the  edge  of  the  Instrument 
itself,  and  said  very  quietly  that  he  “  thought  it  would  do.”  Soon 
after,  he  rose  from  an  Arm-chair  which  had  been  placed  for  him, 
and  walks  round  and  round  his  Coffin,  which  was  covered  with 
Black  Velvet,  studded  with  Silver  Nails,  and  this  inscription  on  it 
(the  which  I  copied  off  on  my  Tablets,  at  the  time): 

Simon  Dominus  Fraser  de  Lovat, 

Decollat.  April.  9,  1747, 
iEtat.  su80  80. 

Then  he  sat  down  again,  and  recited  some  Latin  words  which  I  did 
not  understand,  but  was  afterward  told  they  wTere  from  Horace, 
and  signified  that  it  is  a  sweet  and  proper  thing  to  Die  for  one’s 
Country;  at  the  which  a  Wag  in  one  of  the  Gazettes  of  the  time 
must  needs  turn  this  decorous  Sentiment  into  Ridicule,  and  compose 
as  Epigram  insulting  Misfortune,  to  this  Effect : 

“  With  justice  may  Lovat  this  adage  apply: 

For  the  good  of  their  country  All  criminals  die.” 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


21 7 


Then  did  the  unfortunate  Nobleman  desire  all  the  people  to  stand 
off  except  his  two  Warders,  who  again  supported  him  wiiile  he 
prayed;  after  which  he  calls  up  his  Solicitor  and  Agent  in  Scotland, 
Mr.  William  Fraser,  and,  presenting  his  Gold-headed  Cane  to  him, 
said,  “  I  deliver  you  this  cane  in  token  of  my  sense  of  your  faithful 
services,  and  of  my  committing  to  you  all  the  power  I  have  upon 
earth;”  which  is  a  Scotch  fashion,  I  believe,  when  they  are  Exe¬ 
cuted.  And  with  this  he  kissed  him  upon  both  cheeks;  for  this 
Lord  was  much  given  to  hugging  and  slobbering. 

He  also  calls  for  Mr.  James  Fraser,  likewise  a  Kinsman  (and 
these  Northern  Lords  seem  to  have  them  by  Hundreds),  and  says, 
“  My  dear  Jamie,  I’m  gaun  to  Haiv’n;  but  ye  must  e’en  crawl  a 
wee  langer  in  this  evil  Warld.”  And  with  this,  the  old  Grin. 

Then  he  took  off  his  Hat,  Wig,  and  Upper  Clothes,  and  delivered 
them  to  Mr.  W.  F.,  charging  him  to  see  that  the  Executioner  did 
not  touch  them.  He  ordered  his  Niglit-cap  to  be  put  on,  and,  un¬ 
loosening  his  Neckcloth  and  the  Collar  of  his  Shirt,  he  knelt 
down  at  the  Block,  and  pulled  the  Cloth  which  was  to  receive  his 
Head  close  to  him;  but  he  being  too  near  that  fatal  Billet,  the  Exe¬ 
cutioner  desired  him  to  remove  a  little  further  Back,  which,  with 
our  assistance,  was  Immediately  done;  and  his  Neck  being  properly 
placed,  he  told  the  Headsman  he  would  say  a  short  Prayer,  and 
then  give  the  Signal  by  dropping  his  Handkerchief.  In  this  posture 
lie  remained  about  Half  a  Minute.  Then,  throwing  down  the 
Kerchief,  the  Executioner,  at  One  Blow,  severed  his  Head  from 
his  Body.  Then  was  a  dreadful  Crimson  Shower  of  Gore  all 
around,  and  many  and  many  a  time  at  the  Playhouse  have  I  thought 
upon  that  Crimson  Cascade  on  Tower  Hill,  when,  in  the  tragedy  of 
“  Macbeth,  ”  the  wicked  Queen  talks  of  “  the  old  man  having  so 
much  blood  in  him.” 

The  Corpse  was  put  into  the  Coffin,  and  so  into  the  Hearse,  and 
was  carried  back  to  the  Tower.  At  four  o’clock  came  an  Under¬ 
taker  from  Holborn' Hill,  very  fine,  with  many  mourning-coaches 
full  of  Scots  gentlemen,  and  fetched  away  the  Body,  in  order  to  be 
sent  to  Scotland,  and  deposited  in  his  own  Tomb  at  Kirkhill.  But 
leave  not  being  given  by  Authority  as  was  expected,  it  was  again 
brought  back  to  the  Tower,  and  buried  by  the  side  of  Kilmarnock 
and  Balmerino,  close  to  the  Communion-rails  in  the  little  church  at 
St.  Peter-on-tlie-Green,  where  so  much  Royal  and  Noble  Dust  doth 
molder  away. 

Memorandum. — The  Block  on  which  this  Nobleman  suffered  was 
but  a  common  Billet  of  Oak  wTood,  such  as  Butchers  use,  and  liol- 


218 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


lowed  out  for  the  purpose  of  accommodating  the  neck,  but  it  had 
not  been  stowed  away  in  the  White  Tower  for  a  month  before  it 
was  shown  to  the  Public  for  Money,  and  passed  as  the  Block 
whereon  Queen  Anne  Boleyn  was  beheaded.  So  with  the  Ax, 
which  was  declared  to  be  the  one  used  in  decapitating  K.  C.  1st. ; 
but  there’s  not  a  word  of  truth  in  the  whole  story.  The  Block  was 
hewn  and  the  Ax  was  forged  after  the  ’45,  and  specially  for  the 
doing  of  justice  on  the  Rebel  Lords. 

Note  also  that  Lord  Lovat  left  it  in  a  Codicil  to  his  Will  that  all 
the  Pipers  from  Jonie  Groat’s  house  to  Edinburgh  were  to  play  be¬ 
fore  his  Corpse,  and  have  a  handsome  allowance  in  Meal  and 
Whisky  (on  which  this  sort  of  People  mostly  live)  for  so  doing. 
Likewise  that  all  the  good  old  Women  of  his  county  were  to  sing 
what  they  call  a  Coronach  over  him.  And  indeed  Women,  both 
young  and  old,  are  so  good  when  there’s  anything  pitiful  to  be 
done,  that  I  make  no  doubt  that  the  Coronach  would  have  been 
sung  if  the  old  Rebel  had  gone  back  to  Scotland;  and  if  there  were 
found  those  to  weep  for  Nero,  I  see  no  reason  why  some  tears 
should  not  have  been  shed  for  Simon  Lord  Lovat. 

But  there  is  no  denying,  after  all,  that  Simon  Fraser  w  s  a  very 
complete  Scoundrel.  His  whole  life,  indeed,  had  been  but  one  series 
of  Crimes,  one  calendar  of  Frauds,  one  tissue  of  Lies.  For  at  least 
seventy  out  of  his  eighty  years  of  life  he  had  been  cheating,  cog¬ 
ging,  betraying,  and  doing  the  Devil’s  service  upon  earth;  and  who 
shall  say  that  his  end  was  undeserved?  A  Scots  Lord  of  his  ac¬ 
quaintance  was  heard  to  say  that  he  deserved  lo  be  hung  twenty 
times  in  twenty  places  for  twenty  heinous  Crimes  that  he  had  com¬ 
mitted;  and  let  this  be  borne  in  mind,  that  this  was  the  same  Lord 
Lovat  that,  as  Captain  Fraser,  and  being  then  a  Young  Man,  was 
outlawed  for  a  very  atrocious  Act  of  Violence  that  he  committed 
upon  a  young  Lady  of  Fashion  and  Figure,  whom  he  carried  away 
(with  the  aid  of  a  Band  of  his  brutal  Retainers)  in  the  dead  of  night, 
married  by  Force,  with  the  assistance  of  a  hireling  Priest  of  his, 
cutting  the  very  clothes  off  her  body  with  his  Dirk,  and  bidding 
his  Pipers  strike  up  to  drown  her  cries.  And  yet  such  a  Ruffian  as 
he  undoubtedly  was  could  maintain  an  appearance  of  a  facete  dis¬ 
position  to  the  last;  and  he  seems  to  have  taken  great  pains  to  quit 
the  Stage,  not  only  with  Decency,  but  with  that  Dignity  which  is 
thought  to  distinguish  the  Good  Conscience  and  the  Noble  Mind. 
There  is  only  one  more  thing  to  be  set  down,  and  that  is  one  that  I, 
being  the  Warder  who  (with  Bandolier)  attended  him  throughout 
his  confinement,  can  vouch  for  the  truth  of.  It  was  falsely  said  at 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


2 19 


tlie  time  that  this  Lord  sought  to  defraud  the  Ax  by  much  drink¬ 
ing  af  Wine :  now  I  can  aver  that  while  in  custody  he  never  drank 
above  two  pints  a  day;  and  the  report  may  have  arisen  from  the 
considerable  quantities  of  Brandy  and  Rum  which  were  used,  night 
and  morning,  to  bathe  liis  poor  feet  and  legs. 

Now,  Tranquillity  being  happily  restored  to  these  Kingdoms,  and 
the  Chevalier  safely  gollen  away  to  France  (whence,  however,  that 
luckless  young  Man  was  expelled,  and  in  a  very  ignominious  man¬ 
ner,  at  the  Peace  of  Aix-la-Chapelle),  I  do  confess  that  I  began  to 
weary  somewhat  of  my  fine  Red  Doublet,  and  of  the  Rosettes  in 
my  shoes;  and  although  my  Loyalty  to  King  George  and  the  Prot¬ 
estant  Succession  was  without  stain,  I  felt  that  it  was  somewhat  be¬ 
neath  the  dignity  of  a  Gentleman  Cavalier  to  dangle  all  day  be¬ 
neath  a  Portcullis  with  a  Partisan  on  one  shoulder,  or  act  as  Bear 
Leader  to  the  Joskins  and  simpering  City  Madames  that  came  to 
see  the  Curiosities.  And  I  felt  my  old  roaming  Fit  come  upon  me 
as  fierce  as  ever,  and  longed  to  be  otf  to  Foreign  Parts  again.  I 
could  have  taken  service  under  the  Duke  of  Cumberland  in  the 
wars  of  Germany,  and  could  have  procured,  perhaps,  a  pair  of 
Colors  in  his  Royal  Highness’s  army;  but,  odd  to  relate,  ever  since 
my  Misadventure  at  Vienna  what  time  I  was  in  little  Squire  Piii- 
chin’s  service,  I  had  conceived  a  great  Distaste  for  those  High 
Dutch  countries,  and  cared  not  to  go  a  campaigning  there.  Then 
there  was  fighting  going  on,  and  to  spare,  in  Italy,  where  the  Aus¬ 
trians  were,  doing  their  best  to  reduce  Genoa,  the  French  opposing 
’em  tooth  and  nail.  But  I  misliked  the  Germans  as  well  as  their 
country,  and  saw  not  the  Profit  of  getting  shot  under  the  command 
of  an  Austrian  Archduke.  There  were  many  other  Continental 
countries  open  to  the  enterprise  of  Gentlemen  Adventurers  from 
England,  but  in  most  of  them  only  Papists  would  go  down;  and  to 
turn  Romanist,  for  whatever  reward  of  Place  or  Dignity,  was 
against  my  principles. 

Pending,  however,  my  coming  to  some  Determination  as  to  my 
future  mode  of  life,  I  resolved  to  throw  up  my  Post  of  Tower 
Warder,  receiving  the  gratuity  of  Twenty  Guineas  which  was 
granted  to  those  resigning  by  the  bounty  of  his  Majesty  the  King. 
Those  who  state  that  I  left  my  Employment  in  anything  like  Dis¬ 
grace  are  surely  the  vilest  Traducers  and  Libelers  that  ever  de¬ 
served  to  have  their,  tongues  bored  through  with  a  Red-hot  Iran; 
but  I  do  not  mind  myself  admitting  that  my  situation  had  become 
somewhat  unpleasant,  and  that  I  was  sufficiently  anxious  to  change 
the  scene  of  my  Adventures.  There  was  a  certain  Waiting-maid 


220 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


belonging  to  Madame  Williamson  (that  was  General  Williamson’s 
lady,  Military  Commandant)  wlio  had  long  cast  Sheep’s  Eyes  upon 
me.  I  declare  that  I  gave  the  Lass  no  encouragement;  but  what 
would  you  have?  I  was  in  the  prime  of  life  and  she  a  buxom  kind 
of  Wench,  about  twenty-two  years  of  age  ’Twas  following  me 
here,  and  ogling  me  there,  and  leaving  love-billets  and  messages  for 
me  at  the  Guard-Room.  I  will  not  deny  but  that  from  time  to  time 
I  may  have  passed  a  jest  with  the  girl,  nay,  given  her  some  few 
trinkums,  and  now  and  then  treated  her  to  chocolate  or  sweet  wine 
at  Marylebone  Gardens  or  the  Flask  at  Hampstead.  You  may  be 
sure  that  on  these  occasions  I  did  not  wear  my  Antiquated'  costume 
as  a  Tower  Warder,  but  a  blue  Culloden  frock,  gold-corded, 
and  with  crown  buttons;  a  scarlet  waistcoat  and  breeches;  a  hat 
with  a  military  cock;  and  a  neat  hanger  by  my  side.  By  drawers, 
masters  of  the  games,  and  others,  I  was  now  always  known  as 
Captain. 

Had  I  not  been  exceedingly  wary  and  circumspect  in  all  my  deal¬ 
ings  with  this  Waiting- woman — poor  thing!  her  name  was  Prue — 
the  affair  might  have  ended  badly;  and  there  might  have  been 
Rendezvous  on  the  ramparts,  moonlight  trysts  on  the  Tower  Green 
arid,  the  like  Follies.  But  I  saw  that  our  Flirtation  must  not  be 
permitted  to  go  any  further.  The  Commandant’s  wife,  indeed,  had 
come  to  hear  of  it;  and,  sending  for  me  to  her  Parlor,  must  needs 
ask  me  what  my  Intentions  were  toward  her  Maid.  ‘  ‘  Madame,  ’  ’  I 
answered,  taking  off  my  hat,  and  making  her  a  very  lo;w  bow,  “  I 
am  a  soldier;  and  I  never  knew  a  soldier  yet  that  Intended  anything; 
all  he  does  is  without  any  Intention  at  all.”  Upon  which  she  bade 
me  go  for  an  Impudent  fellow;  and  I  doubt  not,  had  I  been  under 
her  Husband’s  orders,  would  have  had  me  set  upon  the  Picket  on 
the  Parade  for  my  free  speaking;  but  we  Tower  Warders  were  not 
amenable  to  such  Slavish  Discipline;  and,  indeed,  General  William¬ 
son,  who  stood  by,  was  pleased  to  laugh  heartily  at  my  answer,  and 
gave  me  a  crown  to  drink  the  King’s  health,  bidding  me,  however, 
take  care  what  I  was  about,  and  see  that  the  poor  girl  came  1o  no 
Hurt.  And  I  being  at  that  time  somewdiat  chary  of  imperiling  my 
Independence,  and  minded  to  take  neither  a  Wife  nor  a  Mistress, 
thought  the  very  best  thing  I  could  do  was  to  kiss,  shake  hands, 
and  Part,  lest  worse  should  come  of  it. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


221 


CHAPTER  THE  EIGHTEENTH. 

I  SEE  MUCH  OF  THE  INSIDE  OF  THE  WORLD,  AND  THEN  GO  RIGHT 

ROUND  IT. 

1748.  I  was  not  yet  Forty  years  of  age,  Hale  and  Stout,  Comely 
enough — so  said  Mistress  Prue  and  many  other  damsels — with  a 
Military  Education,  an  approved  reputation  for  Valor,  and  very 
little  else  besides.  A  gentleman  at  large,  with  a  purse  well-nigh  as 
slender  as  an  ell-wand,  and  as  woe-begone  as  a  dried  eel-skin.  But 
I  was  never  one  that  wanted  many  Superfluities;  and  having  no 
Friends  in  the  world,  was  of  a  most  Contented  Disposition. 

Some  trouble,  indeed,  must  I  have  with  that  luckless  Mistress 
Prue,  the  Waiting-Maid — sure,  I  did  the  girl  no  Harm,  beyond 
whispering  a  little  soft  nonsense  in  her  ear  now  and  then.  But  she 
must  needs  hare  a  succession  of  Hysterical  Fits  after  my  departure 
from  the  Tower,  and  write  me  many  scores  of  Letters  couched  in 
the  most  Lamentable  Rigmarole,  threatening  to  throw  herself  into 
Rosamond’s  Pond  in  St.  James’s  Park  (then  a  favorile  Drowning- 
Place  for  Disconsolate  Lovers),  with  many  other  nonsensical  Men¬ 
aces.  But  I  was  Arm  to  my  Determination  to  do  her  no  harm,  and 
therefore  carefully  abstained  from  answering  any  of  her  letters. 
She  did  not  break  her  heart;  but  (being  resolved  to  wed  one  that 
wore  the  King’s  cloth)  she  married  Miles  Bandolier  about  three 
months  after  my  Departure,  and  broke  his  head,  ere  the  Honey¬ 
moon  was  over,  with  a  Bed-staff.  A  most  frivolous  Quean  this, 
and  I  well  rid  of  her. 

Coming  out  of  the  Tower,  1  took  lodgings  for  a  season  in  Great 
Ryder  Street,  St.  James’s,  and  set  up  for  a  Person  of  Pleasure.  There 
were  many  Military  Officers  of  my  Acquaintance  who  honored  me 
with  their  company  over  a  Bottle,  for  even  as  a  Tower  Warder  I 
had  been  a  kind  of  a  Gentleman,  and  there  was  no  treating  me  as 
one  of  base  Degree.  They  laughed  somewhat  at  my  Brevet  rank 
of  Captain,  and  sometimes  twitted  me  as  to  what  Regiment  I  was 
in;  but  I  let  them  laugh,  so  long  as  they  did  not  go  too  far,  when  I 
would  most  assuredly  have  shown  them,  by  the  length  of  my 
Blade,  not  only  what  Regiment  I  belonged  to,  but  what  Mettle  I 
was  of.  By  favor  of  some  of  my  martial  Friends,  I  was  introduced 
to  a  favorite  Coffee-House,  the  “  Ramilies,”  in  Jermyn  Street  (’tis 
Slaughter’s,  in  St.  Martin’s  Lane,  now,  that  the  Soldier- Officers  do 


222 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


most  use);  and  there  we  had  many  a  pleasant  Carouse,  and,  more¬ 
over,  many  a  good  game  at  cards;  at  the  which,  thanks  to  the  tuition 
of  Mr.  Hodge,  when  I  was  in  Mr.  Pincliin’s  service,  I  was  a  passable 
adept,  being  able  to  hold  my  own  and  More,  in  almost  every  Game 
that  is  to  be  found  in  Hoyle.  And  so  our  card-playing  did  result,  not 
only  to  mutual  pleasure,  but  to  my  especial  Profit;  for  I  was  very 
lucky.  But  I  declare  that  I  always  played  fair;  and  if  any  man 
doubted  the  strict  probity  of  my  proceeding,  there  was  then,  as- 
there  is  now,  my  Sword  to  vindicate  my  Honor. 

’Tis  ill-living,  however,  on  Gambling.  Somehow  or  another  the 
Money  you  win  at  Cards — I  would  never  touch  Dice,  which  are  too 
chancy,  liable  to  be  Sophisticated,  and,  besides,  sure  to  lead  to 
Brawling,  Stabbing,  and  cracking  of  Crowns — this  Money,  gotten 
over  Old  Nick’s  back,  I  say,  never  seems  to  do  a  Man  any  Good. 
’Tis  light  come,  and  light  go;  and  the  Store  of  Gold  Pieces  that 
glitter  so  bravely  when  you  sweep  them  off  the  green  cloth  seems, 
in  a  couple  of  days  afterward,  to  have  turned  to  dry  leaves,  like 
the  Magician’s  in  the  Fairy  Tale.  Excepting  Major  Pan  ton,  who 
built  the  Street  and  the  Square  which  bear  his  name  out  of  One 
Night’s  Profit  at  the  Pharaoh  table,  can  you  tell  me  of  one  habitual 
Gambler  who  has  been  able  to  realize  anything  substantial  out  of 
his  Winnings?  No,  no;  a  Hand  at  Cards  is  all  very  well,  and  ’tis 
pleasant  to  win  enough  to  pay  one’s  Reckoning,  give  a  Supper  to 
the  Loser,  and  have  a  Frisk  upon  Town  afterward;  but  I  do  abhor 
your  steady,  systematic  Gamblers,  with  their  restless  eyes,  quiver¬ 
ing  lips,  hair  bristling  under  their  wigs,  and  twitching  fingers,  as 
they  watch  the  Game.  Of  course,  when  Cards  are  played,  you 
must  play  for  Money.  As  to  playing  for  Love,  I  would  as  soon 
play  for  nutshells  or  cheese-parings.  But  the  whole  business  is  too 
feverish  and  exciting  for  a  Man  of  warm  temperament.  ’Tis  killing 
work  when  your  Bed  and  Raiment,  your  Dinner  and  your  Flask, 
depend  on  the  turn  up  of  a  card.  And  so  I  very  speedily  aban¬ 
doned  this  line  of  life. 

’Twas  necessary,  nevertheless,  for  something  to  be  done  to  bring 
Grist  to  the  Mill.  About  this  time  it  was  a  very  common  practice 
for  Great  Noblemen — notably  those  who  were  in  any  way  addicted 
to  pleasure,  and  ours  was  a  mighty  Gay  Nobility  thirty  or  forty 
years  since — to  entertain  Men  of  Honor,  Daring,  and  Ability,  cun¬ 
ning  in  the  use  of  their  swords,  and  exceedingly  discreet  in  their 
conversations,  to  attend  them  upon  their  private  affairs,  and  render 
to  them  Services  of  a  kind  that  required  Secrecy  as  well  as  Cour¬ 
age.  One  or  two  Duels' in  Hvde  Park  and  behind  Montagu  House, 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


223 


in  which  I  had  the  Honor  to  he  concerned  as  Second — and  in  one 
of  which  I  engaged  the  Second  of  my  Patron’s  Adversary,  and  sue' 
ceeded,  by  two  dexterous  side  slices,  in  Quincing  his  face  as  neatly 
as  a  housewife  would  Slice  Fruit  for  a  Devonshire  Squab  Pie — 
gained  me  the  notice  of  some  of  the  Highest  Nobility,  to  whom  I 
was  otherwise  recommended  by  the  easiness  of  my  Manners,  and 
the  amenity  of  my  Language.  The  young  Earl  of  Modesley  did  in 
particular  affect  me,  and  I  was  of  Service  to  his  Lordship  on  many 
most  momentous  and  delicate  Occasions.  For  upward  of  Six 
Months  I  was  sumptuously  entertained  in  his  Lordship’s  Mansion 
in  Red  Lion  Square;  a  Kind  of  Hospitality,  indeed,  which  he  was 
most  profuse  in  the  dispensation  of — there  being  at  the  same  time  in 
the  House  a  French  Dancing-Master,  an  Italian  Singer,  a  New- 
Anarket  Horse- Jockey,  and  a  Domestic  Chaplain,  that  had  been  un¬ 
frocked  for  too  much  fighting  of  Cocks  and  drinking  of  Cider  with 
•clowns  at  his  Vicarage;  but  to  whom  the  Earl  of  Modesley  was 
always  a  fast  friend.  Unfortunate  Young  Nobleman!  He  died  of 
a  malignant  Fever  at  Avignon,  just  before  attaining  his  Thirtieth 
Year!  His  Intentions  toward  me  were  of  llie  most  Bounteous  De-t 
scription;  and  he  even,  being  pleased  to  say  that  I  was  a  good-look¬ 
ing  Fellow  enough,  and  come  to  an  Age  when  it  behooved  me  to  be 
settled  in  Life,  proposed  that  I  should  enter  in  the  bonds  of  Wed¬ 
lock  with  one  Miss.  Jenny  Liglitfoot,  that  had  formerly  been  a 
Milliner  in  Liquorpond  Street,  but  who,  when  his  Lordship  intro¬ 
duced  me  to  her,  lived  in  most  splendid  Lodgings  under  the  Piazza, 
Covent  Garden,  and  gave  the  handsomest  Chocolate  Parties  to  the 
Young  Nobility  that  ever  were  seen.  So  boundless  was  his  Lord¬ 
ship’s  generosity  that  he  offered  to  bestow  a  portion  of  Five  Hun¬ 
dred  Pounds  on  Miss  Liglitfoot  if  she  would  become  Madame 
Dangerous — said  portion  to  be  at  my  absolute  disposal — and  to  give 
me  besides  a  long  Lease  at  a  Peppercorn  Rent  of  a  Farm  of  his  in 
Wiltshire.  The  Match,  however,  came  to  nothing.  I  was  not  yet 
disposed  to  surrender  my  Liberty;  and,  indeed,  the!  Behavior  of 
Miss  Liglitfoot  while  the  T reaty  of  Alliance  between  us  was  being 
discussed,  did  not  augur  very  favorably  for  our  felicity  in  the 
Matrimonial  State.  Indeed,  she  was  pleased  to  call  me  Rogue, 
Gambler,  Bully,  Led  Captain  and  many  other  uncivil  names.  She 
snapped  off  the  silver  hilt  of  my  dress-sword  (presented  to  me  after 
I  had  fought  the  Second  in  Hyde  Park)  and  obstinately  refused  to 
restore  that  gewgaw  to  me,  telling  me  that  she  had  given  it  to  her 
Landlady  (one  Mother  Bisliopsbib,  a  monstrous  Fat  Woman,  that 
was  afterward  carted,  and  stood  in  the  Pillory,  in  Spring  Gardens, 


224: 


CAPTAIN  DAKGEROUS. 


for  evil  practices)  in  part  payment  for  rent  owing.  Moreover,  slie 
willfully  spoiled  my  best  periwig  by  overturning  a  Chocolate  Mill 
thereupon;  and  otherwise  so  misconducted  herself  that  I  bade  her  a 
respectful  Farewell — she  leaving  the  mark  of  her  IN  ails  on  my  face 
as  a  parting  Gift — and  told  my  Lord  Modesley  that  I  would  as  lief 
wed  a  Roaring  Dragon  as  his  Termagant  of  the  Piazza.  This  Re¬ 
fusal  brought  about  a  Rupture  between  myself  and  my  Lord.  He 
was  imprudent  enough  to  talk  about  my  Ingratitude,  to  tell  me 
that  the  very  coat  on  my  back  was  bought  and  paid  for  with  his 
Money,  and  to  threaten  to  have  me  kicked  out  of  doors  by  two  of 
his  Tall  Lackeys.  But  I  speedily  let  him  have  a  piece  of  my 
Mind.  “My  Lord,”  says  I,  going  up  to  him,  and  thrusting  my 
face  full  in  his,  “  you  will  be  pleased  to  know  that  I  am  a  Gentle¬ 
man,  whose  ancestors  were  ennobled  centuries  before  your  rascally 
grandfather  got  his  peerage  for  turning  against  the  true  King.” 

He  began  to  murmur  something  (as  many  have  done  before  when 
my  blood  was  up,  and  I  have  mentioned  Royalty)  about  my  being 
*'  a  Jacobite.” 

“  I'll  Jacobite  your  jacket  for  you,  you  Jackadandy!”  I  retorted. 
“You  have  most  foully  insulted ’me.  I  know  your  Lordship’s 
ways  well.  If  I  sent  you  a  cartel,  you  and  your  wliippersnapper 
Friends  would  sneer  at  it,  because  I  am  poor,  and  fling  Led  Captain 
in  my  teeth.  You  won’t  fight  with  a  poor  Gentleman  of  the  Sword. 
I  am  too  much  of  a  Man  of  Honor  to  waylay  you  at  night,  and  give 
you  the  private  Stab,  as  you  deserve;  but  so  sure  as  you  are  your 
father’s  son,  if  you  don’t  make  me  this  instant  a  Handsome  Apol¬ 
ogy,  I  will  cudgel  you  till  there  is  not  a  whole  bone  in  your  body.” 

The  young  Ruffian — he  was  not  such  a  coward  as  Squire  Pinchin, 
but  rather  murderous — makes  no  more  ado  but  draws  upon  me.  I 
caught  up  a  quarter-staff  that  lay  handy  (for  we  were  always  ex¬ 
ercising  ourselves  at  athletic  amusements),  struck  the  weapon  from 
his  grasp,  and  hit  him  a  sounding  thwack  across  the  shins  that 
brought  him  down  upon  his  marrow-bones. 

“  Below  the  Belt!”  he  cries  out,  holding  up  his  hands.  “  Foul! 
foul!” 

“Foul  be  hanged!”  I  answered.  “I’m  not  going  to  fight,  but 
to  Beat  You;”  and  I  rushed  upon  him,  shortening  the  Staff,  and 
would  have  belabored  him  Soundly,  but  1  liat  he  saw  it  was  no  use 
contending  against  John  Dangerous,  and  very  liumbty  craved  a 
parley.  He  Apologized  as  I  had  Demanded,  and  lent  me  Twenty 
Guineas,  and  we'  parted  on  the  most  friendly  terms. 

This  Lord  essayed,  notwithstanding,  to  do  me  much  harm  in 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


225 


Town,  saying  that  I  had  used  him  with  black.  Cruelty,  had  requited 
his  many  favors  with  gross  Treachery,  and  the  like  Falsehoods, 
until  I  was  obliged  to  send  him  a  Message  to  this  purport :  that  un¬ 
less  he  desisted,  I  should  be  obliged  to  keep  my  promise  as  to  the 
Cudgel.  Upon  which  he  presently  surceased.  So  much  meanness 
had  he,  even,  as  to  fudge  up  a  pretended  debt  of  nineteen  guineas 
against  me  as  for  money  lent,  for  the  which  I  was  arrested  by  bail¬ 
iffs,  and  conveyed — being  taken  at  Jonathan’s — to  a  vile  sponging- 
house  in  Little  Bell  Alley,  Moorfields;  but  the  keeper  of  the  House 
stood  my  friend,  and  procured  a  Bail  for  me  in  the  shape  of  an 
Honest  Gentleman,  who  was  to  be  seen  every  day  about  West¬ 
minster  Hall  with  a  straw  in  his  shoe,  and  for  a  crown  and  a  dinner 
at  the  eating-house  would  suddenly  become  worth  five  hundred  a 
year,  or  at  least  swear  himself  black  in  the  face  that  such  was  his 
estate — which  was  all  that  was  required.  And  when  it  came  to 
justifying  of  Bail  before  the  Judges,  what  so  easy  as  to  hire  a  suit 
of  clothes  in  Monmouth  Street,  and  send  him  into  court  fully 
equipped  as  a  reputable  gentleman?  However,  there  was  no  oc¬ 
casion  for  this,  for  on  the  very  night  of  my  enlargement  I  won  fifty 
guineas  at  the  tables;  and  walking  very  Bold  to  my  Lord’s  House, 
send  up  the  nineteen  guineas  to  my  Lord  with  a  note,  asking  to 
what  lawyer  I  should  pay  the  cost  of  suit,  and  whether  I  should 
wait  upon  him  at  his  Levee  for  a  receipt.  On  the  which  he,  still 
with  the  fear  of  a  cudgeling  before  his  eyes,  sends  me  down  a  Re¬ 
ceipt  in  Full,  and  the  Money  lack  to  boot,  begging  me  to  trouble  my¬ 
self  in  no  way  about  the  lawyer;  which,  I  promise  you,  I  did  not. 
And  so  an  end  of  this  troublesome  acquaintance — a  profitable  one 
enough  to  me  while  it  lasted.  As  for  Miss  Jenny,  her  Behavior 
soon  became  as  light  as  her  name.  I  have  heard  that  she  got  into 
trouble  about  a  Spanish  Merchant  that  was  flung  down -stairs  and 
nigh  killed,  and  that  but  for  the  Favor  of  Justice  Cogwell,  who  had 
a  hankering  for  her,  ’twould  have  been  a  Court-Job.  Afterward  I 
learned  that  she  had  been  seen  beating  Hemp  in  Bridewell  in  a 
satin  sack  laced  with  silver;  and  I  warrant  that  she  was  fain  to 
cry,  “Knock!  oh,  good  Sir  Robert,  knock!”  many  a  time  before 
the  Blue-coated  Beadles  on  Evil  Thursday  had  done  swingeing  of 
her. 

There  are  certain  periods  in  the  life  even  of  the  most  fortunate 
man  when  his  Luck  is  at  a  desperately  low  ebb — when  everything 
seems  to  go  amiss  with  him — when  nothing  that  he  can  turn  his 
hand  to  prospers — when  friends  desert  him,  and  the  companions  of 
his  sunshiny  days  chide  him  for  not  having  made  better  use  of  his 


22a 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


opportunities — when,  Do  what  he  will,  he  can  not  avert  the  Black 
Storm — when  Ruin  seems  impending,  and  Catastrophe  is  on  the 
cards — when  he  is  Down  in  a  word,  and  the  despiteful  are  getting 
ready  to  gibe  at  him  in  his  Misfortune,  and  to  administer  unto  him 
the  last  Kick.  These  times  of  Trial  and  Bitter  Travail  ofttimes 
strike  one  who  has  just  attained  Middle  age — the  Half-way  House 
of  Life;  and  then,  ’tis  the  merest  chance  in  the  world  whether  he 
will  be  enabled  to  pick  himself  up  again,  or  be  condemned  for 
evermore  to  poverty  and  contumely — to  the  portion  of  weeds  and 
outwTom  faces.  I  do  confess  that  about  this  period  of  my  career 
things  went  very  badly  with  me,  and  that  I  was  grievously  hard- 
driven,  not  alone  to  make  both  ends  meet,  but  to  discover  anything 
that  could  have  its  ending  in  a  Meal  of  Victuals.  I  have  heard  that 
some  of  the  greatest  Prelates,  Statesmen,  Painters,  Captains,  and 
Merchants — I  speak  not  of  Poets,  for  it  is  their  eternal  portion, 
seemingly,  to  be  born,  to  live,  and  to  Die  Poor' — have  suffered  the 
like  straits  at  some  time  or  another  of  their  lives.  Many  times, 
however,  have  I  put  it  on  record  in  these  pages,  that  Despair  and  I 
were  never  Bedfellows.  As  for  Suicide,  I  do  condemn  it,  and 
abhor  it  utterly,  as  the  most  cowardly,  Dishonest,  and  unworthy 
Method  to  which  a  Man  can  resort  that  he  may  rid  himself  of  his 
Difficulties.  To  make  a  loathsome  unhandsome  corpse  of  yourself, 
and  deny  yourself  Christian  Burial,  nay,  run  the  risk  of  crowner’s 
quest,  and  interment  al  the  meeting  of  four  cross-roads  with  a  Stake 
driven  through  your  Heart.  Oh,  ’tis  shameful!  Hang  yourself, 
forsooth!  why  should  you  spend  money  in  threepenny  cord,  when 
Jack  Ketch,  if  you  deserve  it,  will  hang  you  for  nothing,  and  the 
County  find  the  Rope?  Take  poison!  why,  you  are  squeamisn  at 
accepting  physic  from  the  doctor,  which  may  possibly  do  you 
good.  Why,  then,  should  you  swallow  a  vile  mess  which  you  are 
certain  must  do  you  harm?  Fall  upon  your  sword  as  Tully — I 
mean  Brutus — or  some  of  those  old  Romans  were  wont  to  do  when 
the  Game  was  up!  In  the  first  place,  I  should  like  to  see  the  man, 
howsoever  expert  a  fencer,  who  could  so  tumble  on  his  own  blade 
and  kill  himself.  ’Tis  easier  to  swallow  a  sword  than  to  fall  upon 
one,  and  the  first  is  quite  as  much  a  Mountebank’s  Trick  as  t’other. 
Blow  your  brains  out!  A  mighty  fine  climax  truly!  to  make  a 
Horrible  Mess  all  over  the  floor,  and  frighten  the  neighbors  out  of 
their  wits;  besides,  as  a  waggish  friend  of  mine  has  it,  rendering 
yourself  stone-deaf  for  life.  If  it  comes  to  powder  and  ball,  a  Man 
of  courage  would  much  sooner  blow  out  somebody  else’s  Brains 
instead  of  his  own. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


227 


I  did  not ,  I  am  thankful  to  say,  want  Bread  during  this  my  time 
of  ill  luck;  and  I  never  parted  with  my  sword;  but  sure  it  is  that 
Jack  Dangerous  was  woundily  pushed,  and  had  to  adopt  many  ex¬ 
traordinary  shifts  for  a  livelihood.  Item:  I  engaged  myself  to  one 
Mr.  Macanasser,  an  Irishman,  that  had  been  a  pupil  of  the  famous 
Mr.  Figg,  Master  of  the  Noble  Art  of  Self-Defense,  at  his  Theater 
of  Arms,  on  the  right-hand  side  of  the  Oxford  Road,  near  Adam 
and  Eve  Court.  Mr.  Figg  was,  as  is  well  known,  the  very  Atlas  of 
the  Sword;  and  Mr.  Macanasser’s  body  was  a  very  Mass  of  Scars 
and  Cicatrices  gotten  in  hand-to-hand  conflicts  with  the  broadsword 
on  the  public  stage.  He  had  once  presumed  to  rival  Mr.  Figg, 
whence  arose  a  cant  saying  of  the  time,  “  A  fig  for  the  Irish;”  but 
having  been  honorably  vanquished  by  him,  even  to  the  slicing  of 
his  nose  in  two  pieces,  the  cracking  of  his  crown  in  sundry  places, 
and  the  scoring  of  his  body  as  though  it  had  been  a  Loin  of  Pork 
for  llie  Bakehouse,  he  was  taken  into  his  service,  and  became  a 
principal  figure  in  all  the  grand  gladiatorial  encounters,  at  wages 
of  forty  shillings  a  week  and  his  meat.  As  for  Mr.  Figg  himself, 
who  was  as  good  at  backsword  as  at  broadsword,  at  quarter-staff 
as  at  foil,  and  at  fisticuffs  as  any  one  of  them — to  say  nothing  of 
his  Cornish  wrestling — I  saw  him  once,  and  shall  never  forget  him. 
There  was  a  Majesty  blazed  in  his  countenance  and  shone  in  all  his 
actions  beyond  all  I  ever  beheld.  His  right  leg  bold  and  firm;  and 
his  Left,  which  could  hardly  ever  be  disturbed,  gave  him  the  sur¬ 
prising  advantages  he  so  often  proved,  and  struck  his  Adversary 
with  Despair  and  Panic.  He  had  that  peculiar  way  of  stepping  in, 
in  a  Parry,  which  belongs  to  the  Grand  School  alone;  he  knew  his 
arm,  and  its  just  time  of  moving;  put  a  firm  faith  in  that,  and 
never  let  his  foe  escape  a  parry.  He  was  just  as  much,  as  great  a 
master  as  any  I  ever  saw,  as  he  was  a  greater  judge  of  time  and 
Measure.  It  was  his  method,  when  he  fought  in  his  Amphitheater, 
to  send  round  to  a  select  number  of  his  scholars  to  borrow  a  shirt 
for  the  ensuing  combat,  and  seldom  failed  of  half  a  dozen  of  super¬ 
fine  Holland  from  his  prime  Pupils.  Most  of  the  young  Nobility 
and  Gentry  made  it  a  part  of  their  education  to  march  under 
his  warlike  banner.  Most  of  his  Scholars  were  at  every  battle, 
and  were  sure  to  exult  at  their  great  master’s  victories;  every 
person  supposing  he  saw  the  wounds  his  shirt  received.  Then 
Mr.  Figg  would  take  an  opportunity  to  inform  his  Lenders  of  the 
charm  their  Linen  had  received,  with  an  offer  to  send  the  garments 
home:  but  he  seldom  received  any  other  answer  than  “  Hang  you, 
keep  it,”  A  most  ingenious  and  courageous  person,  and  immeas- 


228 


CAPTAIN  DANGEKOUS. 


urably  beyond  all  bis  competitors,  such  as  Macanasser,  Will 
Holmes,  Felix  Maguire,  Broughton,  Sutton,  and  the  like. 

Many  good  bouts  with  all  kinds  of  weapons  did  we  have  at  Mr. 
Macanasser’s  theater,  which  was  down  a  Stable-yard  behind  New¬ 
port  Market,  not  far  from  Orator  Henley’s  chapel.  The  shirt 
maneuver  we  tried  over  and  over  again  with  varying  success;  but 
we  found  it  in  the  end  impossible  to  preserve  order  among  our 
Patrons,  the  greater  part  of  whom  were  Butchers;  and  I  am  fain  to 
admit  that  many  of  these  unctuous  sky-blue  jerkins  could  fight  as  well 
as  we.  Then  Mr.  Macanasser  was  much  given  to  drinking,  and  in 
his  potations  quarrelsome.  ’Twas  all  very  well  fighting  on  a  si  age 
for  profit,  and  with  the  chance  of  applause,  a  clean  shirt,  and  per¬ 
chance  a  Bight  Good  Supper  given  to  us  by  our  admirers  afterward 
at  some  neighboring  Tavern:  but  I  never  could  see  the  humor  of 
Swashbuckling  for  nothing,  and  without  occasion;  and  as  my  Em¬ 
ployer  was  somewhat  too  prompt  to  call  in  cold  iron  when  his  Head 
was  so  Hot,  I  shook  hands  with  him,  and  bade  him  find  another 
assistant.  This  was  the  Mr.  Macanasser  that  was  afterward  so  un¬ 
fortunate  as  to  be  hanged  at  Tyburn  for  devalising  a  gentleman  at 
Roehampton.  Great  interest  was  made  to  save  him;  his  very  prose¬ 
cutor  (who  knew  not  at  the  first  his  assailant,  or  that  he  had  been 
driven  to  the  road  by  hard  times)  heading  the  signatures  to  a  peti¬ 
tion  for  him.  But  ’twas  all  in  vain.  He  made  a  beautiful  end  of 
it  in  a  fine  white  nightcap  fringed;  and  his  funeral  was  attended  by 
some  of  the  most  eminent  swordsmen  in  town  who  had  a  gallant 
set-to  afterward  for  the  benefit  of  his  widow.  ’Tis  sad  to  think  of 
the  numbers  of  brave  men  that  I’ve  known,  and  how  many  of  them 
are  Hanged. 

About  this  time  I  was  much  with  the  Players,  but  misliked  them 
exceedingly;  and  although  numbers  of  brilliant  offers  were  made  to 
me,  I  could  not  be  persuaded  to  try  the  sock  and  buskin.  Hard  as 
were  the  names  by  which  my  enemies  would  sometimes  call  me,  I 
could  never  abide  that  of  Rogue  and  Vagabond,  and  such,  by  Act 
of  Parliament,  was  the  player  at  that  time.  No,  I  said;  whatever 
straits  I  am  driven  to,  I  will  be  a  Soldier  of  Fortune,  and  Captain 
Dangerous  to  the  last. 

Of  my  Adventure  with  Mme.  Taffetas  the  Widow,  I  am  not 
disposed  to  say.  much.  Indeed,  until  my  being  finally  settled,  and 
made  the  Happiest  Man  upon  earth  by  my  union  with  the  departed 
Saint  who  was  the  mother  of  my  Lilias,  it  must  be  admitted  that 
my  commerce  with  the  Sex  was  mostly  of  the  unluckiest  descrip¬ 
tion.  I  haye  been  used  most  shamefully  by  women;  but  it  behooves 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


229 


me  not  to  complain,  seeing  how  much  felicity  I  was  permitted  to 
enjoy  in  my  latter  days.  This  much,  however,  I  will  discreetly  set 
down.  That  meeting  Mme.  Taffetas  in  a  side  box  at  Drury  Lane 
playhouse,  she  was  pleased  to  accept  my  Addresses,  and  to  inform 
me  that  my  conversation  was  in  the  highest  degree  tasteful  to  her* 
I  entertained  her  very  handsomely — indeed  much  beyond  my  means, 
for  I  was  very  heavily  in  debt  for  necessaries,  and  I  could  scarcely 
walk  the  streets  without  apprehensions  of  the  grim  Sergeant  with 
his  capias.  Mme.  Taffetas  was  an  exceedingly  comely  person, 
amazingly  well  dressed,  and,  as  I  was  given  to  understand,  in  very 
prosperous  circumstances.  She  kept  an  Italian  Warehouse  by  the 
Sign  of  the  two  Olive  Posts,  in  the  broad  part  of  the  Strand,  almost 
opposite  to  Exeter  Change,  and  sold  all  sorts  of  Italian  Silks,  Lus¬ 
trings,  Satins,  Paduasoys,  Velvets,  Damasks,  Fans,  Leghorn  Hats, 
Flowers,  Violin  Strings,  Books  of  Essences,  Venice  Treacle,  Bal¬ 
sams,  Florence  Cordials,  Oil,  Olives,  Anchovies,  Capers,  Vermi¬ 
celli,  Bologna  Sausages,  Parmesan  Cheese,  Naples  Soap,  and  similar 
delicate  cates  from  foreign  parts.  All  her  friends  put  her  down  as 
a  forty-thousand-pounder.  In  Brief,  she  professed  to  be  satisfied 
with  my  gentility  and  Ancient  Lineage,  though  worldly  goods  I 
had  none  to  offer  her.  All  congratulated  me  on  my  Good  Fortune; 
and  not  wanting  to  make  any  unnecessary  bustle  about  the  affair, 
we  took  coach  one  fine  Monday  morning  down  to  Fleet  Market,  and 
were  married  by  a  Fleet  parson — none  other,  indeed,  than  my  old 
Friend  Chaplain  Hodge,  who  had  taken  to  this  way  of  life  and 
found  it  very  profitable,  marrying  his  twenty  or  thirty  couple  a 
week,  when  Business  was  brisk,  at  fees  varying  from  five  guineas 
to  seven  and  sixpence,  and  from  a  dozen  of  Burgundy  to  half  a 
pint  of  Geneva.  But  ’twas  a  rascally  business,  the  venerable  man 
said,  and  he  sorely  longed  for  the  good  old  days  when  he,  and  I, 
and  Squire  Pinchin.  made  the  Grand  Tour  together.  Alas,  for 
that  poor  little  man :  His  Keverence  told  me  that  he  had  gone  from 
bad  to  worse;  lhat  his  Mamma  had  married  a  knavish  lawyer,  who 
so  bewildered  Mr.  Pinchin  with  Mortgages  and  Deeds  of  Gift,  and 
Loans  at  usurious  interest,  that  he  got  at  last  the  whole  of  his  prop¬ 
erty  from  him,  brought  him  in  many  thousands  in  debt  besides, 
and,  after  keeping  him  for  three  years  locked  up  and  half-  starved 
in  the  Compter,  was  only  forced  to  consent  to  his  enlargement  when 
the  unhappy  little  man — whose  head  was  never  of  the  strongest, 
and  his  wits  always  going  a  wool-gathering — went  stark-staring 
mad,  and  was,  by  the  City  charity,  removed  to  Bedlam  Hospital  in 
JMoorfields,  There  he  raved  for  a  time,  imagining  himself  to  be 


230 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


the  Pope  of  Rome,  with  a  paper-cap  for  a  tiara,  an  ell-wand  for  a 
crosier,  a  blanket  for  a  rochet,  and  bestowing  his  blessings  on  the 
other  Maniacs  with  much  force  and  vehemence;  and  there,  poor 
demented  creature,  he  died  in  the  year  1 740. 

Much  better  would  it  have  been  for  me,  had  I  gone  straight  off 
my  Head  and  had  been  sent  to  howl  in  Bedlam,  than  that  I  should 
have  married  that  same  thievish  catamaran,  Mme.  Taffetas. 
Surely  never  Madman  deserved  a  Dark  House  and  a  Whip  more 
than  I  did  for  that  most  foolishly  contracted  union.  I  defy  Cal¬ 
umny  to  prove  that  I  ever  used  anything  approaching  false  Repre¬ 
sentations  in  this  matter.  I  told  her  plainly  that  my  Hand,  Sword, 
and  Deep  Devotion  were  all  I  had  to  offer,  and  that  for  mere  vile 
pounds,  shillings,  and  pence,  and  other  Mercantile  Arrangements, 
I  must  look  to  her.  Absolutely  I  borrowed  ten  pieces,  although  I 
was  then  at  a  very  Low  Ebb,  to  defray  the  expenses  of  the  wedding 
Treat,  which  was  done  done  most  handsomely  at  the  Bible  and 
Crown,  in  Pope’s  Head  Alley,  Cornhill.  “How  then,”  t  said  to 
myself,  as  we  came  home  toward  the  Strand  (for  we  were  resolved 
to  have  no  foolish  honey-mooning  in  the  Country,  but  to  remain  in 
town  and  keep  an  eye  to  Business) — “  now,  then,  Jack  Dangerous, 
thou  art  at  last  Married  and  Settled,  and  need  trouble  thyself  no 
more  about  the  cares  and  anxieties  of  money-grubbing  and  bread¬ 
getting.  Thou  art  tiled-in  handsomely,  Jack;  thatched  and  fenced, 
and  girt  about  with  Comfort  and  Respectability.  Thy  hat  is  on, 
and  thy  house  is  covered.”  Alas,  poor  fool!  alas,  triply  distilled 
Zany  and  egregiously  doting  idiot!  No  sooner  did  a  Hackney  coach 
set  us  down  at  the  Leghorn  Warehouse  in  the  broad  part  of  the 
Strand,  than  we  found  Margery  the  maid  and  Tom  the  shopboy  in 
a  great  confusion  of  tears  on  tire  threshold;  and  immediately  after¬ 
ward  we  heard  that  during  our  absence  to  get  married,  Bailiffs  had 
made  their  entrance,  and  seized  all  the  Merchandise  for  a  bill  owing 
by  Mme.  Taffetas  to  her  Factor  of  Seven  Hundred  Pounds.  The 
false  Quean  that  I  wTas  wedded  to  was  hopelessly  bankrupt,  and 
with  the  greatest  impudence  in  the  world  she  calls  upon  me  to  pay 
the  Money;  the  Bailiffs  adding,  with  a  grin,  that  to  their  knowledge 
she  owed  much  more  than  their  Execution  stood  for,  and  that  no 
doubt,  as  soon  as  it  was  bruited  abroad  that  I  was  her  Husband,  the 
Sheriff  of  Middlesex  would  have  something  to  say  to  me  in  the 
way  of  a  capias  against  my  person.  In  vain  did  I  Rave  and  Swear, 
and  endeavor  to  show  that  I  could  in  no  way  be  held  liable  for 
Debts  which  I  had  never  contracted.  Such,  I  was  told,  was  the 
Law;  and  such  it  remains  to  this  day,  to  the  Great  Scandal  of 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


231 


justice  and  the  detriment  of  Gentlemen  cavalieros  who  may  he 
entrapped  into  marrying  vulgar  Adventuresses  whom  they  deem 
Gentlewomen  of  Property,  and  who  turn  out  instead  to  be  not  worth 
twopence- halfpenny  in  the  world.  Nor  were  words  wanting  to  add 
dire  Insult  to  this  astounding  Injury;  for  Mine.  Taffetas,  now 
Dangerous,  as  I  groaningly  remember,  must  needs  call  me  Merce¬ 
nary  Rascal,  Shuffling  Pickthank,  Low-minded  Fortune-hunter,  and 
the  like  unkind  names. 

Mme.  Dangerous  indeed!  But  I  am  thankful  to  Providence 
that  the  title  she  assumed  very  soon  fell  away  from  her,  and  that  I 
was  once  more  left  free  and  independent.  For  whilst- we  we^e  in 
the  very  midst  of  Hot  Dispute  and  violent  Recrimination  comes  a 
great  noise  at  the  door  as  though  some  one  were  striving  to  Batter 
it  down.  And  then  Margery  the  Maid  and  Tom  the  shop  lad  began 
to  howl  and  yelp  again,  crying  out  Murder  and  thieves,  and  that 
they  were  undone,  the  Bailiffs  smoking  their  Pipes  and  drinking 
their  Beer  meanwhile,  as  though  they  enjoyed  the  Humors  of  the 
Scene  hugely,  and  my  wicked  wife  now  pretending  to  faint,  and 
now  making  at  me  with  the  avowed  Design  of  tearing  my  eyes  out. 
Presently  comes  lurching  and  staggering  into  the  room  a  Great 

0 

Hulking  Brute  of  a  Man  that  was  attired  like  a  Sea  Captain;  and 
this  Roistering  Tarpaulin  makes  up  without  more  ado  to  my 
Precious  Partner,  gives  her  two  sounding  Busses  on  either  side  of 
her  cheeks,  and  salutes  her  as  his  wife. 

“  Your  wife!”  1  cried,  starting  up;  “  why,  she’s  my  wife!  I 
married  her  this  very  morning,  and  to  my  sorrow,  before  Parson 
Hodge,  the  Couple-Beggar,  at  the  Fleet.” 

“  That  maybe,  Brother,”  answers  the  Sea  Captain,  with  drunken 
gravity;  “  but  she’s  my  wife,  for  all  that.  You  married  her  this 
morning,  you  say.  I  married  her  five  years  ago  at  Horsleydown, 
and  in  the  Parish  church.  I’ve  got  the  ’Stifficate  to  prove  it;  and 
though  I  say  it  that  shouldn’t,  there’s  not  a  Finer  woman,  with  a 
neater  ankle  and  such  a  Devil  of  a  temper,  to  be  found  ’twixt 
Beachy  Head  and  Cape  Horn.” 

“  A  fig  for  botli of  you!”  belVows  Mme.  Taffetas,  who  had  gone 
into  one  of  her  Sham  Faints  in  the  arm-chair,  but  was  now  con¬ 
veniently  recovered  again,  “  If  I’m  married  to  both  of  you — to 
you,  you  pitiless  Grampus  ”  (this  was  to  the  Sea  Captain),  “  and  to 
you,  Ruffian,  Bully,  and  Stabster  ”  (this  was  to  me),  “  I’m  married 
to  somebody  else,  and  my  real  Husband  is  a  Gentleman,  who,  if  he 
were  here,  would  quoit  the  pair  of  you  into  the  street  from  Exeter 
Change  to  the  Fox  under  the  Hill.” 


232 


CAPTAIN"  DANGEROUS. 


She  said  this  in  one  Scream,  and  then  Fainted,  or  pretended  to 
Faint  again. 

“  Brother,”  said  the  Sea  Captain  to  me,  staggering  a  little  (for  he 
confessed  to  having  much  mixed  punch  under  hatches),  but  still 
very  grave — “  brother,  I  think  as  how  it’s  clear  that  we’re  both  of 
us  d - d  fools,  and  d - d  lucky  fellows  at  the  same  time.” 

“  Amen!”  cries  one  of  the  Bailiffs,  with  a  guffaw. 

‘  ‘  You  belay,  ’  *  remarked  the  Captain,  turning  toward  the  vermin 
of  Law  with  profound  disdain.  ‘  ‘  Brother  ’  ’  (turning  to  me),  ‘  ‘  is 
the  Press  out?” 

“  What  do  you  mean?”  I  inquired.  “  You  know  that  there’s  no 
warrant  for  press-gangs  in  this  part  of  the  Liberties  of  West¬ 
minster.  ' 

“  Liberty  be  Hanged!”  quoth  the  Sea  Captain.  “  If  there  was 
.any  liberty  there  couldn’t  be  a  press,  for  which  I  don’t  care  a  groat, 
for  I’m  a  master  mariner.  This  is  what  I  mean.  Is  them  land¬ 
lubbers  there  part  of  a  press-gang?  Are  you  trapped,  brother?  Are 
you  in  the  bilboes?  Are  you  in  any  danger  of  being  put  under 
hatches?” 

“Why,”  up  spoke  one  of  the  Bailiffs,  answering  forme,  “the 
truth  is  that  we  are  Sheriff’s  Sergeants,  and  have  made  seizure,  ac¬ 
cording  to  due  writ  of  ji.fa.  of  this  worthy  lady’s  goods.  We’ve 
nothing  at  all  against  the  gentleman  who  says  that  he  manied  her 
this  morning;  but  as  you  said  that  you’d  married  her  five  years  ago, 
it’s  very  likely  that  we,  or  some  of  our  mates,  shall  have  something 
to  say  to  you,  in  the  form  of  parchment  between  this  and  noon  to¬ 
morrow.” 

“  Very  well,”  answers  the  Strange  Seaman.  “You  speak  like 
a  Man-o’ -War’s  chaplain,  some  Lies  and  some  Lingo,  but  all  of  it 
d - d  Larned.  Have  you  got  ere  a  drop  of  rum,  brother?” 

“There’s  nothing  here  but  some  Three-Thread  Swipes,”  re¬ 
sponds  Mr.  Bailiff;  “  and,  indeed,  we  were  waiting  until  the  gentle¬ 
man  treated  us  to  something  better.” 

“Then,”  continues  the  Captain,  “you  shall  have  some  rum. 
Younker,  go  and  fetch  these  gentlemen  some  liquor,”  and  he  flings 
a  crown  to  the  shop-lad.  “You  may  drink  your  grog  and  blow 
your  baccy,”  he  went  on,  “  as  long  as  ever  you  like,  and  much  good 
may  it  do  you.  And  as  for  you,  Pig-faced  Nan  ” — in  this  uncivil 
manner  did  he  address  the  false  Mme.  Taffetas — “you  may  go  to 
bed,  or  to  the  Devil,  ’zactly  as  you  choose,  and  settle  your  Business 
with  the  Bailiffs  in  the  morning  ’zactly  as  you  like.  And  you  and 
I,  brother,”  he  wound  up,  taking  me  by  the  arm  in  quite  a  friendly 


CAPTAIN  DANGEKOUS. 


233 


manner,  “  will  just  go  and  take  our  grog  and  blow  our  baccy  in 
peace  and  quietness,  and  thank  the  Lord  for  it.” 

All  this  he  said  with  great  thickness  and  indistinctness  of  utter¬ 
ance,  but  with  an  immovable  gravity  of  countenance.  I  never  saw 
a  Man  who  was  manifestly  so  Drunk  speak  so  sensibly,  and  behave 
himself  in  such  a  proper  manner  in  my  life. 

As  he  turned  on  his  heel  to  leave  the  parlor  where  all  this  took 
place,  I  saw  one  of  the  Bailiffs  rise  stealthily  as  if  to  follow  us. 

“  Belay  there!”  the  Captain  cried,  advancing  his  mahogany  Paw 
in  a  warning  manner.  “  Hold  hard,  shipmates.  I’m  a  peaceable 
man,  and  aboard  they  call  me  Billy  the  Lamb;  but,  by  the  Lord 
Harry,  if  I  catch  you  sneaking  about,  or  trying  to  find  out  where 
I  and  this  noble  gentleman  be  a  going,  I’m  blessed  if  I  don’t  split 
your  skull  in  two  with  this  here  speaking-trumpet.”  And  so  say¬ 
ing  the  Captain  produced  a  very  long  tin  tube,  such  as  Mariners 
carry  to  make  their  voices  heard  at  a  distance  at  sea,  but  which  they 
generally  have  aboard,  and  do  not  carry  with  them  in  their  walks. 

The  Bailiffs  were  sensible  men,  and  forbore  to  intermeddle  with 
us  any  more.  So  we  marched  out  of  the  house,  it  being  now  about 
nine  o’clock  at  night;  and,  upon  my  word,  from  that  moment  to 
this,  I  never  set  eyes  upon  Mme.  Taffetas,  or  Dangerous,  or 
Blokes — for  the  Sea  Captain’s  name,  he  afterward  told  me,  was 
Blokes — or  whatever  her  real  Name  was.  It  is  very  certain  that 
she  used  me  most  scandalously,  and  cruelly  betrayed  the  trusting 
confidence  of  one  that'  was  not  only  a  Bachelor,  but  an  Orphan. 

Captain  Blokes  was  a  strange  character.  We  had  a  grand 
Carouse  that  night,  he  paying  the  Shot  like  a  Gentleman;  and  over 
our  flowing  Bowls  he  fold  me  that  he  had  long  had  suspicions  of 
his  wife’s  real  character;  and  was,  indeed,  in  possession  of  evidence 
(though  he  had  kept  it  secret)  to  prove  that  she  had  given  herself  in 
marriage  to  another  man  before  she  had  wedded  him.  And  then, 
through  the  serving-lad  he  had  heard  that  very  morning,  on  his 
coming  into  the  Pool  from  Gravesend  and  Foreign  Parts,  that  Ma¬ 
dame,  who  thought  him  in  China  at  least,  and  hoped  him  Dead,  was 
about  1o  enter  into  Wedlock  once  again;  so  that,  determined  to 
have  Sport,  he  had  well  Primed  himself  with  Punch,  and  lurked 
about  the  neighborhood  until  Monsieur  Tomfool  and  his  Spouse  (by 
which  I  mean  myself,  though  no  other  man  should  call  me  so)  had 
come  home  from  the  Fleet.  And  so  all  the  Ciying  and  Lord  ha’ 
Mercies  of  the  Wench  and  the  Boy  were  all  subterfuges;  and  they 
knew  very  well,  the  sly  rogues,  that  the  Sea  Captain  would  soon 
be  to  the  fore. 


234 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


Nothing  would  suit  him  after  this  hut  that  we  should  have  Sup¬ 
per  at  the  King  of  Prussia’s  Head,  in  the  Savoy,  and,  as  I  had  given 
up  my  Lodgings  as  not  Grand  enough  for  me  on  the  eve  of  my 
Wedding,  and  the  Vessel  of  which  he  was  Commander  wTas  lying  in 
the  Pool,  that  we  should  have  Beds — at  his  charges— at  the  same 
Tavern;  and,  indeed,  your  Sea-faring  men,  although  rough  enough, 
and  smelling  woundily  of  tar  and  bilge- water,  are  the  most  Hospi¬ 
table  Creatures  breathing;  and  that  makes  Me  so  free  with  my 
Money  when  there  is  a  Treat  afoot;  albeit  I  can,  without  Vanity, 
declare  myself  Amphibious,  for  I  have  seen  as  much  service  by  Sea 
as  by  Land,  and  have  always  approved  myself  a  Gentleman  of 
Courage,  Honor,  and  Discretion,  on  both  Elements. 

The  next  morning,  after  a  Nip  of  Aquavitae,  to  clear  the  Cobweb 
out  of  our  threats,  we  went  down  to  Billingsgate,  where  we  saw  my 
old  humorous  acquaintances,  Brandy  Sail,  the  fishwife,  and  the 
humorous  porter,  the  Duke  of  Puddledock;  likewise  a  merry  Wag, 
that  did  porterage  work  for  the  Fish  Factors  in  the  Market,  and 
thereby  seemed  to  have  caught  somewhat  of  the  form  of  the  fish 
beneath  which  his  shoulders  were  continually  groaning,  so  that  all 
who  could  take  that  liberty  with  him  called  him  Cod’s  Head  and 
Shoulders.  Here  we  breakfasted  on  new  Oysters  and  Fried  Floun¬ 
ders,  with  a  lappet  of  Kippered  Salmon,  for  Goodman  Thirst’s  sake 
and  a  rare  bowl  of  hot  Coffee,  which  made  us  relish  a  Jug  of  Punch 
afterward  in  a  highly  jocund  manner.  And  then  wre  fell  to  conver¬ 
sation;  and  I,  who  had  nothing  to  Conceal,  and  nothing  to  be 
Ashamed  of,  did  recount  those  of  my  Adventures  which  I  deemed 
would  be  most  diverting  (for  I  forbore  to  tell  him  those  which  were 
tedious  and  uneventful)  to  Captain  Blokes.  And  he,  not  to  be  be¬ 
hindhand  in  frank  confidence,  told  me  how  many  years  he  had  been 
at  sea;  how  many  merchant  vessels  he  had  commanded;  and  what 
Luck  he  had  had  in  his  divers  Trading  Adventures.  Likewise  that 
he  was  now  under  engagement  with  some  very  worthy  Merchants 
of  Bristol,  to  man,  equip  and  command  a  vessel  called  the  “  Mar¬ 
quis,”  which,  in  company  with  two  others,  the  “  Hope  ”  and  the 
“  Delight,”  were  about  to  undertake  a  Cruising  Voyage  round  the 
World.  Finding  from  my  speech  that  I  was  not  wholly  unaccus¬ 
tomed  to  the  Sea,  and  being  made  acquainted pvilh  what  I  had  done 
in  the  West  Indies  and  elsewhere,  Captain  Blokes  was  pleased  to 
say,  that  I  wTas  the  very  man  for  him,  if  I  would  join  him.  And  at 
this  time,  in  verity,  it  seemed  as  though  nothing  could  suit  me  bet¬ 
ter;  for  my  Resources  wTere  quite  exhausted,  and  I  was  brought 
very  Low.  So,  after  some  further  parley,  and  a  good  Beefsteak 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


235 


and  Onions,  and  a  bottle  of  Portugee  Wine  for  dinner,  we  went  to 
the  Scrivener’s  in  Thames  Street,  by  the  name  of  Pritchett,  that 
was  Agent  for  the  Company  of  Merchant  Adventurers  at  Bristol; 
and  an  Agreement  was  drawn  up,  by  which,  for  Fifty  Shillings  a 
Month  pay,  all  due  rations  and  allowances,  and  a  certain  proportion 
of  the  profits  to  be  divided  among  the  Ship’s  Company  at  the  ter¬ 
mination  of  our  Adventure,  I  bound  myself  to  serve  Captain  Blokes 
as  Secretary  and  Purser  of  the  ship  “  Marquis.” 

“  Which  means,”  says  he,  when  we  had  taken  a  Dram  and 
shaken  hands  on  signing  articles,  “that  you  are  to  Write,  Fight, 
Drink,  and  keep  Accompts,  play  put  with  me  in  the  Cabin,  assist 
me  in  preserving  the  Discipline  of  the  Ship,  sing  a  good  song  when 
you  are  called  upon,  help  the  Doctor  to  take  care  of  the  sick,  and 
see  that  the  Steward  don’t  steal  the  Grog  and  Tobacco,  and  if 
you’ll  stick  to  me,  by  the  Lord  Harry,  Billy  Blokes  will  stick  to 

you.  I  like  you  because  you  were  such  a  d - d  fool  as  to  go  and 

marry  that  old  woman.” 

"The  next  day  we  took  Coachat  the  Swan,  by  Paddington  Church, 
for  Bristol,  and  two  days  afterward  arrived  at  that  great  and  flour¬ 
ishing  Mercantile  city.  Nothing  worthy  of  note  on  the  road;  the 
Highwaymen,  that  were  wont  to  be  so  troublesome,  being  mostly  put 
down,  owing  to  Justice  Fielding  and  De  Yit’s  stringent  measures. 
We  were  much  beset  with  gangs  of  wild  Irish  coming  over  from 
their  own  country  a-harvesting  in  our  fertile  fields;  and  those  gentry 
were  like  to  have  bred  a  riot,  quarreling  with  the  English  husband¬ 
men  at  Stow.  Being  at  Bristol,  comfortably  housed  at  the  Bible  and 
Crown  in  Wine  Street — the  landlord  much  given  to  swearing,  but 
one  of  the  best  hands  at  making  of  Mum  that  ever  I  knew — Captain 
Blokes  had  great  work  in  settling  business  with  the  Company  of 
Merchant  Adventurers  and  Alderman  Quarterbutt,  their  President. 
As  it  seems  we  were  at  war  with  the  French  and  Spaniards,  the 
“  Marquis  ”  (burden  about  320  tons)  was  to  carry  twenty-six  guns 
and  a  complement  of  108  men  letters  of  marque  being  granted  to 
us  by  private  Commission,  with  secret  instruction  as  to  Prizes  and 
Plunder,  so  that  the  disposal  of  both  should  redound  to  the  advan¬ 
tage  of  the  Mariners,  the  profit  of  our  Employers,  and  the  honor  of 
His  Majesty’s  arms.  We  had  nigh  double  the  usual  complement  of 
officers  usual  in  private  ships,  to  prevent  mutinies,'  which  ofttimes 
happen  in  long  voyages,  and  that  we  might  have  a  large  provision 
for  a  succession  of  officers  in  case  of  Mortality.  In  the  “  Marquis  ” 
we  had  Captain  Blokes,  commander-in-chief  of  the  whole  Arma¬ 
ment,  a  Mariner;  a  Second  Captain  who  was  a  Dr.  of  Physic,  and 


CAPTAIN  PANGF/ROUS. 


23^ 

also  acted  as  President  of  our  Committee  (having  much  hook-learn¬ 
ing)  and  Commander  of  the  Marines;  two  Lieutenants;  a  Sailing- 
Master;  a  Pilot  that  was  well  acquainted  with  the  South  Seas,  hav¬ 
ing  been  in  those  Latitudes  twice  before;  a  Surgeon  and  his  Mate, 
or  Loblolly  Boy;  Self  as  Secretary  and  Purser;  two  young  lawyers, 
designed  to  act  as  Midshipmen;  Giles  Cash,  as  Reformado — that  was 
the  title  of  courtesy  given  to  those  who  were  sent  to  sea  in  lieu  of 
being  hanged;  a  Gunner  and  his  crew;  a  Boatswain,  cooper,  car¬ 
penter,  sail-maker,  smith,  and  armorer,  ship’s, corporal,  Sergeant  of 
Marines,  cook;  a  Negro  that  could  shave  and  play  the  firldle;  and 
the  Ship’s  company  as  aforesaid,  one  third  of  whom  were  foreigners 
of  every  nation  under  the  Sun,  and  of  those  that  were  His  Majesty’s 
subjects  many  Tinkers,  Tailors,  Hay-makers,  Peddlers,  etc. — a  ter¬ 
ribly  mixed  Gang,  requiring  much  three-strand  cord  to  keep  ’em  in 
order. 

On  the  2d  August,  1748,  we  weighed  from  King’s  Road,  by  Bristol, 
and  at  ten  at  night,  having  very  little  wind,  anchored  between  the 
Holms  and  Minehead.  Coming  on  a  fresh  gale  at  S.E.  and  E.S.H, 
we  ran  by  Minehead  at  six  in  the  morning. .  Next  day  the  wind 
veered  to  N.E.  and  E.N.E.;  on  the  4tli  there  was  but  little  wind, 
and  smooth  water;  on  the  5th  we  saw  Land;  and  finding  that  we 
had  overshot  our  port,  which  was  Cork,  came  to  an  anchor  at  noon 
off  the  two  rocks  near  Kinsale.  At  eight  at  night  we  weighed, 
having  a  Kinsale  Pilot  on  board,  who  was  like  to  have  endangered 
our  safety,  the  night  being  dark  and  foggy,  and  the  Pilot  not  under¬ 
standing  his  Business;  so  that  he  nearly  turned  us  into  the  next  Bay 
to  the  westward  of  Cork,  which  provoked  Captain  Blokes  to  chas¬ 
tise  him  publicly  on  the  quarter-deck.  Our  two  consorts  got  into 
Cork  before  us,  and  we  did  not  anchor  in  the  Cove  until  the  7th 
August,  at  three  in  the  afternoon.  We  stayed  here  until  the  28tli 
of  the  month,  getting  in  stores  and  provisions,  and  replacing  as 
many  of  our  tailors  and  hay-makers  as  we  could  with  real  Sailors 
that  could  work  the  Ship.  Our  crew,  however,  were  continually 
Marrying  while  we  were  at  Cork,  to  the  great  Merriment  of  Self 
and  Captain  Blokes,  who  had  seen  enough  and  to  spare  of  that 
Game;  but  they  would  be  Spliced,  although  they  expected  to  sail 
immediately;  among  others,  there  was  a  Danish  man  coupled  by  a 
Romish  Priest  to  an  Irish  woman,  without  understanding  a  word 
of  each  other’s  language,  so  that  they  were  forced  to  use  an  inter¬ 
preter;  yet  I  perceived  this  pair  seemed  more  afflicted  at  separation 
than  any  of  the  rest.  The  Fellow  continued  melancholy  for  many 
days  after  we  were  at  Sea.  The  rest,  understanding  each  other  and 


CAPTAIN  t>ANGEROUS. 


237 


the  world  better,  drank  their  cans  of  Flip  till  the  very  last  Minute, 
concluded  with  a  health  to  our  good  voyage  and  their  next  Happy 
Meeting,  and  then  Departed,  quite  unconcerned. 

We  took  sailing  orders  on  the  1st  of  September;  and  then  Captain 
Blokes  discovered  to  the  crew  whither  we  were  bound — that  is  to 
say,  on  a  four  years’  voyage — in  order  that,  if  any  Disorders  should 
arise  among  us,  we  might  exchange  our  Malcontents  while  in  com¬ 
pany  with  one  of  his  Majesty’s  ships.  But  no  complaint  was  found 
on  board  the  “  Marquis,”  except  from  one  fellow  who  was  expected 
to  have  been  Tithing-man  that  year  in  his  Parish,  and  said  his  wife 
would  be  obliged  to  pay  Forty  shillings  in  his  absence;  but  seeing 
all  hands  satisfied,  he  was  easily  quieted,  and  drank  with  the  rest 
to  a  prosperous  voyage.  On  the  2d  September  we,  having  cleaned 
and  tallowed  our  ships  five  streaks  below  the  Water-line,  the  fiddler 
struck  up  “  Lumps  o’  Pudding,”  and  to  follow  that  “  Cold  and 
Raw,”  the  Ship’s  company  joining  chorus  with  a  will,  and  so  fell 
down  to  the  Spit  End  by  the  “  Culloden  ”  Man-of-War,  as  our  two 
Consorts  had  done  the  Night  before.  When  we  came  to  the  Spit 
End,  Captain  Blokes  saluted  the  “  Culloden  ”  with  Seven  Guns,  to 
which  they  returned  Five  in  courtesy,  and  then  we  again  three  for 
thanks.  And  so  commenced  my  Journey  round  the  World. 


CHAPTER  THE  NINETEENTH. 

MERCATOR  HIS  PROJECTION,  AND  WHAT  CAME  OF  IT. 

Meaning  simply  this,  that  I  have  often  and  often,  as  a  little  Lad, 
gazed  upon  the  Great  Map — very  yellow,  and  shiny,  and  cracked 
on  its  canvas  mounting  it  was — of  the  World,  upon  Mercator’s  Pro¬ 
jection,  and  devoutly  longed  for  the  day  to  arrive  when  it  might  be 
my  fortune  to  make  a  Voyage  of  Circumnavigation.  Such  a  Map, 
I  remember,  hung  in  the  School-room  at  Gnawbit’s;  and  I  have 
often  been  cruelly  beaten  for  gazing  at  it  and  pondering  over  it, 
instead  of  endeavoring  to  commit  to  memory  a  quantity  of  Words, 
the  meaning  of  which  I  could  not  for  the  life  of  me  understand. 

Now,  indeed,  I  had  got  my  Desire,  and  was  going  round  the 
World  in  a  Ship  well  found  with  Men  and  Stores,  occupying  myself 
a  responsible  position,  and  one  giving  me  some  Authority,  and 
enjoying  the  full  Confidence  of  my  Commander,  who  was,  both 
when  sober  and  inebriated  (and  he  was  mostly  the  latter),  one  of 
the  most  sagacious  men  I  ever  knew.  He  spoke  seldom,  and  then 


238 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 

generally  with  a  Hiccough;  but  what  he  said  was  always  to  the  Pur¬ 
pose.  I  doubt  not,  if  Captain  Blokes  had  been  in  the  Royal  Navy, 
he  would  by  this  time  be  flying  his  pennant  as  Admiral. 

’T would  fill  a  volume  to  give  you  a  Narrative,  however  brief,  of 
our  Voyage.  One  does  not  go  round  the  World  quite  so  easily  as  a 
Cit  taking  a  Wherry  from  Lambeth  Walk  to  Chelsea  Reach.  No, 
no,  my  Masters;  there  are  Perils  to  encounter,  Obstacles  to  over¬ 
come,  Difficulties  to  surmount;  and  I  flatter  myself  that  Jack  Dan¬ 
gerous  was  not  found  wanting  when  a  Stout  Heart,  a  Strong  Hand, 
and  a  Clear  Head  were  needed.  I  repeat  that  ’tis  impossible  for  me 
to  give  you  an  exact  Log  of  so  lengthy  a  Cruise;  and  you  must 
needs  be  content  if  I  set  down  a  few  bare  Items  of  the  most  notable 
Things  that  befell  us. 

On  the  lltli  September  we  chased  a  strange  Sail,  and  after  three 
hours  came  up  with  her.  She  proved  to  be  a  Swedishman.  After 
firing  a  couple  of  Shots  at  full  Random  at  her,  to  show  that  we 
meant  Mischief  if  provoked,  and  one  of  which  Shots,  1  believe, 
passed  over  her  Taffrail,  and  killed  a  Black  Servant  and  the  Cap¬ 
tain’s  Monkey,  Captain  Blokes  boarded  her  in  his  Yawl;  examined 
the  Master,  and  searched  the  Ship  for  Contraband  of  War;  but  not 
finding  any  save  a  supicious  quantity  of  salted  Reindeer’s  Tongues, 
our  Committee  agreed  that  she  could  not  be  considered  a  lawful 
Prize;  and  hot  being  willing  to  hinder  time  by  carrying  her  into 
any  Harbor  for  further  Examination,  we  let  her  go  without  the 
least  Embezzlement.  The  Master  gave  us  a  dozen  of  his  Reindeer 
Tongues,  and  a  piece  of  dry  Roughed  Beef;  and  we  presented  him 
with  a  dozen  bottles  of  Red-streak  Cider.  But  while  Captain  Blokes 
and  the  Dr.  of  Physic  and  Self  were  aboard  the  Swede  taking  asocial 
Glass  with  him,  our  rascally  crew  took  it  into  their  heads  to  Mutiny, 
their  Grievance  being  that  the  vessel  was  a  Contraband,  and  Dught 
to  be  made  a  Prize  of.  The  plain  truth  was,  that  the  Rogues 
thirsted  for  Plunder.  The  Boats  wain  was  one  of  the  Mutineers. 
Him  we  caused  to  receive  Four  Dozen  from  the  hands  of  his  own 
Mates,  and  well  laid  on;  about  a  dozen  of  the  rest  we  put  in  Irons, 
after  having  Drubbed  ’em  soundly,  and  fed  ’em  on  Bread-and 
Water;  but  at  the  end  of  a  few  days  they  begged  Pardon,  and,  on 
promising  Amendment,  were  allowed  to  return  to  their  Duty. 

Eighteenth  September  we  came  in  sight  of  Pico  Teneriffe,  bearing 
S.W.  by  W.,  distance  about  eight  leagues.  This  day  we  spied  a  sail 
under  our  Lee  Bow,  between  the  Islands  of  Grand  Canaries  and 
Forteventura.  She  showed  us  a  clean  Pair  of  Heels;  but  we  gave 
Chase,  and  after  seven  hours  came  up  with  her.  She  proved  a 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


239 


Prize,  safe  enough;  a  Spanish  Bark,  about  25  tons,  with  some  45 
Passengers,  who  rejoiced  much  when  they  found  we  were  English, 
having  fancied  that  we  were  Turks  or  Sallee  Rovers.  Amongst 
our  Pi  isoners  were  four  Friars,  and  with  them  the  Padre  Guardian 
of  Forteventura,  a  good,  honest  old  fellow,  fat,  and  given  to  jollity. 
Him  we  made  heartily  merry,  drinking  the  Spanish  King’s  Health, 
for  naught  else  would  he  Toast.  After  we  had  made  all  Snug,  we 
stood  to  the  Westward  with  our  Prize  to  Teneriffe,  to  have  her 
ransomed,  that  is  to  say,  her  Hull;  for  her  Cargo  was  not  worth 
redeeming,  being  extremely  shabby — one  or  two  Butts  of  Wine,  a 
Hogshead  of  Brandy,  and  other  small  matters,  which  we  determined 
to  keep  for  our  own  use.  The  Spanish  Dons  made  a  mighty  pother 
about  paying,  pleading  that  the  Trade  of  these  Islands  enjoyed  an 
immunity  from  Privateering  by  arrangement  between  his  Catholic 
Majesty  and  the  King  of  Great  Britain,  and  were  even  seconded  by 
some  English  Merchants  of  Teneriffe,  that  were  frightened' at  the 
thought  of  the  cruel  Reprisals  the  Dons  might  exercise  after  we 
went  away,  both  on  their  Persons  and  Properties;  for  Jack  Spaniard 
is  one  that,  if  he  can  not  have  Meal,  will  have  Malt.  But  we  soon 
let  ’em  know  that  Possession  was  Nine  Points  of  the  Law,  and  that 
we  were  resolved  to  stick  to  our  Prize  unless  we  got  Ransom,  which 
they  presently  agreed  to.  At  eight  o’clock  the  next  morning  we 
stood  into  the  Port,  close  to  the  Town,  and  spied  a  Boat  coming  off, 
which  proved  to  be  the  Deputy  Governor,  a  Spanish  Don  with  as 
many  names  as  an  English  pickpocket  has  Aliases,  and  one  Mr. 
Harbottle,  that  was  English  Vice-Consul.  They  brought  us  Wine, 
Figs,  grapes,  Hogs,  and  other  Necessaries,  as  Ransom  in  Kind  for 
the  Bark;  and  accoidingly  we  restored  her,  as  also  the  prisoners,  with 
as  much  as  we  could  find  of  what  belonged  to  their  persons;  although, 
Truth  to  tell,  some  of  our  wild  Reformadoes  had  used  them  some¬ 
what  unhandsomely.  All  the  Books,  Crucifixes,  Reliques,  and 
other  superstitious  things,  we  carefully  gave  back  to  the  Friars;  to 
the  Padre  a  large  Cheese,  at  which  he  was  much  delighted;  and  to 
another  Religious,  who  had  been  stripped  nearly  as  bare  as  a  Robin, 
a  pair  of  Breeches  and  a  Red  Niglit-cap.  And  so  stood  off,  giving 
Three  Cheers  for  King  George,  and  one,  with  better  luck  next  time, 
for  the  King  of  Spain ;  and  I  doubt  not  that  they  cursed  us  heartily 
that  same  night  in  their  Churches  for  Heretics.  Now  we  had  an 
indifferent  good  stock  of  Liquor,  to  be  the  better  able  to  endure  the 
Cold  when  we  got  to  the  Length  of  Cape  Horn,  which,  we  were 
informed,  had  always  very  Cold  Weather  near  it. 

On  the  25th,  according  to  custom,  wc  Ducked  those  that  had 


240 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


never  passed  the  Tropic  before.  The  manner  of  doing  it  was  to 
reeve  a  Rope  in  the  Mainyard,  to  hoist  ’em  about  half-way  up  to 
the  Yard,  and  let  ’em  fall  at  once  into  the  Water;  they  being  com¬ 
fortably  Trussed  by  having  a  Stick  ’cross  through  their  Legs,  and 
well  fastened  to  the  Rope,  that  they  might  not  be  surprised  and  let 
go  their  Hold.  This  proved  of  great  use  to  our  Fresh- water  Sailors 
to  recover  the  Color  of  their  Skins,  which  had  grown  very  Black 
and  Nasty.  Those  that  we  Ducked  in  this  manner  Three  Times 
were  about  60;  and  others  that  would  not  undergo  it  could  redeem 
themselves  by  a  Fine  of  Half-a-crown,  to  be  Levied  and  Spent  at  a 
Public  Meeting  of  all  the  Ships’  Companies  when  we  returned  to 
England.  The  Dutchmen  we  had  on  board,  and  some  few  English, 
desired  to  be  Ducked,  some  six,  others  eight  and  ten  times,  to  have 
the  better  title  for  being  Treated  when  they  came  home. 

On  the  1st  October  we  made  St.  Vincent,  where  our  Water  began 
to  smell  insufferably;  so  had  some  Coopers  from  the  Hope  ”  and 
“  Delight  ”  to  make  us  Casks,  and  take  in  a  fresh  Stock. 

On  the  3d  we  sent  a  boat  to  St.  Antonio,  with  one  of  our  Gunner’s 
Crew  that  was  a  very  fair  Linguist,  to  get  Truck  for  our  Prize 
Goods  what  we  wanted;  they  having  plenty  of  Cattle,  Pigs,  Goats, 
Fowls,  Melons,  Potatoes,  Limes,  and  ordinary  Brandies,  Tobacco, 
Indian  Corn,  etc  Our  people  were  very  meanly  stocked  with 
Clothes;  yet  we  were  forced  to  watch  our  men  very  narrowly,  and 
Punish  some  of  ’em  smartly,  to  prevent  their  selling  what  Garments 
they  had,  for  mere  Trifles,  to  the  Negroes. 

We  got  all  we  wanted  by  the  8th;  but  our  Linguist  gave  us  leg- 
bail;  and  as  he  was  much  given  to  telling  of  Lies,  we  did  not  go  to 
the  pains  of  sending  a  party  of  Marines  on  shore  after  him.  This 
is  the  place  whither  the  Blacks  come  from  St.  Nicholas  to  make  Oil 
of  Turtle  for  the  anointing  of  their  Nasty  Bodies  withal.  There 
was  much  good  Green  Turtle  at  this  time  of  the  year,  which  made 
me  think  of  my  old  Jamaica  days;  but  our  men,  in  a  body,  refused 
to  eat  it,  much  preferring  Salt  Junk. 

Item. — Many  Flying  Fish  about  here. 

Nothing  more  worthy  of  note  till  the  22d  October,  when  Mr. 
Page,  Second  Mate,  made  an  attack  on  his  superior  officer,  the  Doc¬ 
tor  of  Physic,  with  a  Marline-spike;  and,  but  for  a  very  large 
Periwig  he  wore,  which  was  accounted  odd  in  one  having  a  Mari¬ 
time  Command,  would  have  finished  him.  Mr.  Page  was  had  to 
the  Forecastle  and  clapped  in  the  Bilboes,  and  Captain  Blokes  was 
for  Hanging  him  off-hand  as  an  Example  to  the  rest;  but  I,  as 
Secretary,  pointed  out  to  him  that  there  was  no  Power  of  Life  and 


CAPTAIN  DANGEllOUS. 


241 


Death  in  our  Instructions,  and  that  it  would  be  folly  to  run  the 
risk  of  a  Praemunire  when  wre  made  Home  again.  With  much 
trouble  I  succeeded  in  dissuading  him  from  his  design;  so  that  the 
Mate  was  only  lashed  to  the  Main-gears  and  soundly  Drubbed. 
Fair,  pleasant  Weather,  and  a  fresh  Gale.  One  that  had  secreted 
a  Peruke,  and  a  pair  of  scarlet  Stockings  with  Silver  Clocks,  out  of 
the  plunder  of  the  Spanish  Bark,  did  also  receive  Rib- roasting 
enough  (this  was  on  a  Sunday,  after  Prayers)  to  last  him  for  a 
Fortnight. 

On  the  10th  of  November,  after  a  Terrific  Tornado  and  Thunder 
and  Lightning,  that  frightened  some  of  our  Tailors  and  Hay-makers 
half  into  Fits,  we  came  to  an  Anchor  in  22-fathom  water,  in  a  sandy 
bay  off  the  land  of  Brazil.  Caught  some  Tortoises  for  their  Shells, 
for  they  have  too  strong  a  taste  to  be  Eatable.  A  Portugee  boat 
came  from  a  Cove  in  the  Island  of  Grande, on  our  Starboard  side, 
and  said  they  had  been  robbed  by  the  French  not  long  since.  Cap¬ 
tain  Blokes,  the  Doctor,  and  Self  went  ashore  to  Angre  de  Keys,  as 
it  is  called  in  Sea-Draughts;  but,  as  the  Portugee  call  it,  Nostra 
Senora  de  la  Concepcion,  a  small  village  about  three  leagues  distant, 
to  wait  on  the  Governor,  and  make  him  a  present  of  Butter  and 
Cheese.  As  we  neared  the  shore,  the  People,  taking  us  for 
Mounseers,  fired  a  few  Musquetoons  at  us,  which  did  us  no  Hurt; 
and  when  they  found  out  who  wre  were,  they  very  Humbly  Begged 
our  Pardon.  The  Friars  invited  us  to  their  Convent,  and  told  us 
they  had  been  so  often  stripped  and  abused  by  King  Lewis’s  frog¬ 
eating  Subjects,  that  they  were  obliged  to  take  measures  to  Defend 
themselves;  and,  indeed,  ’twas  these  said  Padres  who  had  fired  at 
us.  The  Governor  was  gone  to  Rio  Janeiro,  a  city  about  twelve 
leagues  distant,  but  was  expected  back  next  day.  We  got  our 
empty  Casks  ashore,  and  sent  our  Carpenter,  with  a  friendly  Portu¬ 
gee,  to  look  out  Wood  for  Trustle-trees,  both  our  Main  and  Fore 
being  broke;  but  the  Weather  was  so  Wet  and  violent  Sultry,  that 
we  could  do  nothing.  Here  are  abundant  Graves  of  Dead  Men; 
and  the  Portugees  told  us  that  two  great  French  Ships,  homeward 
bound  from  the  South  Seas,  that  Watered  in  this  same  place  about 
nine  months  before,  had  buried  nearly  half  their  men  here;  but  ’twas 
at  the  Sickly  season,  and  the  French  had  a  marvelous  foul  way  of 
Living.  The  people  very  Civil;  and  we  offered  ’em  handsome 
Gratuities  if  they  would  calch  such  of  pur  men  as  might  run  away, 
which  they  promised  to  do  most  Cheerfully. 

Hearing  of  a  Brigantine  (this  was  some  days  afterward)  at  the 
entrance  of  the  Bay  of  Grande,  we  sent  our  Pinnace  manned  and 


242 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


armed  to  know  all  about  her.  She  turned  out  to  be  a  Portugee 
laden  with  Negroes,  poor  Creatures!  for  the  Gold-mines.  Our  boat 
returned,  and  brought  as  presents  a  Roove  of  Fine  Sugar  and  a  Pot 
of  Sweetmeats  from  the  Master,  who  spoke  a  little  English,  and 
had  formerly  sailed  with  ’em.  The  Portugee  are  cautious  in  saying 
how  far  it  is  to  the  Gold-mines;  but,  I  believe,  the  distance  by 
water  is  not  great;  and  there  is  certainly  abundance  of  Gold  in  the 
country.  The  French  took  about  £1200  worth  out  of  their  boats 
last  autumn  at  one  Haul,  which  makes  the  Portugees  hate  ’em  so. 
Some  of  ’em  brought  us  a  Monstrous  Creature  which  they  had 
killed,  having  Prickles  or  Quills  like  a  Hedgehog,  and  the  head  and 
tail  of  a  Monkey.  It  stunk  abominably,  which  the  Portugees  said 
was  only  the  Skin,  and  that  the  Meat  of  it  was  very  Delicious,  and 
often  used  for  the  table;  but  our  men  not  being  yet  on  Short  Com¬ 
mons,  none  of  ’em  had  Stomach  enough  to  try  the  Experiment,  so 
that  we  were  forced  to  throw  it  overboard  to  make  a  Sweet  Ship. 
Our  people  could  now  hardly  go  ashore  without  being  frightened, 
as  they  thought,  by  Tigers,  and  holloaing  to  be  taken  on  board 
again;  but  there  was  nothing  more  dangerous  hereabouts  than  Apes 
and  Baboons. 

Twenty- seventh  November  was  a  grand  Festival  at  Angre  de  Keys, 
in  honor  of  one  of  their  Saints.  We,  and  most  of  our  officers  from 
the  “  Hope  ”  and  the  “  Delight,”  went  ashore  and  were  received  by 
the  Governor,  Signor  Raphael  da  Silva  Lagos,  with  much  civility. 
He  asked  if  we  would  see  the  Convent  and  Procession;  and  on  our 
telling  him  our  Religion  differed  very  much  from  his,  answered  that 
we  were  welcome  to  see  it  without  partaking  in  the  Ceremony. 
We  waited  on  him  in  a  Body,  being  ten  of  us,  with  two  Trumpets 
and  Hautboys,  which  he  desired  might  play  us  to  Church,  where 
our  Music  did  the  office  of  an  Organ,  but  separate  from  the  Sing¬ 
ing,  which  was  very  well  chanted  by  the  Padres.  Our  Trumpets 
and  Hautboys  played  “  Hey,  Boys,  up  go  we!”  and  all  manner  of 
paltry  noisy  tunes;  and,  after  service,  the  Musicians,  who  were  by 
this  time  more  than  half-drunk,  marched  at  the  head  of  the  Com¬ 
pany;  next  to  them  an  old  Padre  and  two  Friars,  carrying  Lamps 
of  Incense.  Then  the  Image  of  the  Saint,  as  Fine  as  a  Milk-maid’s 
Garland,  borne  on  a  Bier,  all  spangled,  on  the  shoulders  of  four 
men,  and  bedizened  out  with  Flowers,  Wax-candles,  etc.  After 
these,  the  Padre  Guardian  of  the  Convent,  and  about  forty  Priests 
in  their  full  Habits.  Next  came  the  Governor;  Captain  Blokes,  in 
a  blue  Navy  Coat  laced  with  Gold,  a  pair  of  scarlet-velvet  Breeches, 
and  a  Military  Hat;  and  the  rest  of  the  English  officers  in  their 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


243 


very  best  Apparel.  I  was  fit  to  die  a-laughing,  and  whispered  to 
our  Doctor  of  Physic,  that  had  I  known  I  was  fated  to  walk  in 
such  a  Procession,  I  would  never  have  sold  mv  old  Tower  Warder’s 
slashed  doublet  to  the  Frippery  Man  in  Monmouth  Street,  but  would 
have  brought  it  round  the  World  with  me  to  wear  at  this  Outland¬ 
ish  place.  Each  of  us  had  moreover,  in  Compliment  to  his  Saint- 
ship,  a  long  Candle,  lighted,  in  his  hand;  the  which  gave  us  great 
Diversion,  flaring  the  tapers  about,  and  seeking  to  smoke  one  an¬ 
other.  The  Ceremony  held  about  two  hours,  after  which  we  were 
splendidly  entertained  at  the  Convent,  and  then  by  the  Governor  at 
the  Guard-house,  his  own  habitation  being  about  three  leagues  off. 
It  is  to  be  noted,  they  Kneeled  at  every  Crossway,  and  turning, 
walked  round  the  Convent,  and  came  in  at  another  door,  bowing 
down  and  paying  their  devotion  to  the  Images  and  the  Wax-candles, 
with  the  like  superstitious  observances.  They  unanimously  told  us, 
however,  that  they  expected  nothing  from  us  but  our  Company; 
and,  beyond  the  Trumpets  and  Hautboys,  and  a  jolly  Song  or  two 
from  us,  they  had  no  more.  Many  Sharks  were  in  the  Road,  that 
keep  the  Negro  Slaves  in  good  order,  should  they,  poor  Black  Fel¬ 
lows,  attempt  Escape  to  any  foreign  ship  by  swimming  to  her.  But 
the  Portugees  are  not  very  hard  with  their  Negroes,  save  up  at  the 
Gold-mines,  where  Mercy  is  quite  unknown.  Aqua  d’oro  may  be 
a  very  good  Eye-water;  but,  sure,  there’s  nothing  like  it  for  hard¬ 
ening  of  the  Heart. 

On  the  28th  of  this  Month  we  bade  farewell  to  our  kind  friends 
of  Angre  de  Keys.  Just  before  sailing  we  sent  a  Boat  to  the  town 
for  more  Necessaries,  and  brought  off  some  Gentlemen,  whom  we 
treated  to  the  very  best  we  could.  They  were  very  glorious,  and 
in  their  Cups  proposed  the  Pope’s  Health  to  us;  but  we  were  quits 
with  ’em  by  toasting  that  of  the  Archbishop  of  Canterbury;  and, 
to  keep  up  the  humor,  we  also  proposed  Martin  Luther;  but  this 
fell  flat,  as  they  had  never  Heard  of  him ;  whereas  that  of  his  Grace 
at  Lambeth  turned  out  rather  against  us  than  for  us;  for  they  cried 
out  that  they  knew  him  very  well,  and  that  he  was  a  Catholic  Saint, 
under  the  style  and  title  of  San  Tomaso  de  Cantorberi. 

December  1st,  we  weighed  with  a  breeze  at  N.E.:  but  later  came 
on  a  gale  S.S.W.,  forcing  us  to  anchor  close  under  the  Island  of 
Grande.  About  10  next  morning  we  weighed  again,  and  bore  away 
and  steered  away  S.W.  Now  the  product  of  Brazil  is  well  known 
to  be  Red  Wood,  Sugars,  Gold,  Tobaccos  (of  every  kind,  and  very 
choice),  Whale  Oil,  Snuff,  and  several  sorts  of  Drugs.  The  Portu¬ 
gees  build  their  best  ships  here.  The  people  very  Martial;  and 


244 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


’tis  but  a  few  years  since  they  would  be  under  no  Government,  but 
have  now  submitted  to  the  House  of  Braganza,  which  makes  a 
Pretty  Penny  out  of  them.  Their  Customs  are  very  nasty;  their 
Houses  marvelously  foul;  and  they  are  forever  smoking  of  Tobacco; 
but  the  Portugees  are  still  a  veiy  friendly  folk,  cordial  to  us  En¬ 
glish,  although  they  call  us  Heretics,  and,  but  for  their  great  love 
for  roasting  Jews,  very  tender-hearted.  I  like  them  much  better 
than  those  Proud  Paupers  the  Spaniards.  A  Beggar  on  Horseback 
is  bad  enough;  but  Goodness  deliver  us  from  a  Beggar  on  an  An¬ 
dalusian  Jackass! 

Memorandum. — Brazil  discovered  by  the  famous  Americus  Yes- 
pucius,  that  came  after  Captain  Christopher  Colomb. 

Nothing  remarkable  happened  until  December  6th,  when  we  had 
close  cloudy  Weather,  with  Showers;  and,  after  that,  some  pretty 
sharp  Gales.  On  the  15th  the  color  of  the  water  changed;  and  we 
sounded,  but  had  no  ground.  On  the  18th  one  of  the  “Hope’s” 
men  fell  out  of  the  Mizzentop  on  the  Quarter-deck,  and  broke  his 
Skull;  so  that  he  died,  and  was  buried  next  day.  A  brisk  fellow, 
that;  from  his  merry  ways  used  to  be  called  Brimstone  Jemmy. 
After  this,  cold  airy  weather,  and  numbers  of  Porpoises,  black  on 
their  backs  and  fins,  with  sharp  white  Noses.  They  often  leaped 
high  up  in  the  water,  showing  their  white  bellies.  Also,  a  plenty 
of  Seals.  December  23d  we  saw  Land,  appearing  first  in  three,  and 
afterward  in  several  Islands.  The  Wind  being  westerly,  and  blow¬ 
ing  fresh,  we  could  not  weather  it,  but  were  forced  to  bear  away 
and  run  along  Shore  from  three  to  four  leagues  distant.  This  we 
saw  first  was  Falkland’s  Land,  described  in  few  Draughts,  and 
none  lay  it  down  right,  though  the  Latitude  agrees  pretty  well. 
December  25th  saw  Land  again;  but  could  not  get  near  enough  to 
see  whether  it  was  inhabited;  in  truth  we  were  too  much  in  a  hurry 
to  think  of  making  Discoveries;  for  at  four  in  the  Afternoon  we 
sighted  a  sail  under  our  Leebow,  gave  chase,  and  got  ground  of  her 
apace  till  Night  came  on.  In  the  Morning  we  saw  nothing,  it  being 
thick  hazy  Weather;  then,  as  ill  luck  would  have  it,  it  fell  Calm, 
and  having  nothing  else  to  do  we  Piped  all  hands  to  Punishment, 
and  gave  the  Cook  three  dozen  for  burning  Captain  Blokes’s  burgoo. 
Then  Grog  served  out,  and  we  took  an  Observation.  Lat.  52  40. 

We  kept  on  rowing  and  towing  with  Sweeps,  and  our  Boats 
ahead,  until  about  six  in  the  Evening;  and  the  Chase  appearing  to 
be  a  large  ship,  we  sent  Boats  aboard  our  Consort,  and  agreed  to 
engage  her.  A  fine  breeze  sprung  up,  and  we  got  in  our  Sweeps 


CAPTAIN"  DANGEROUS. 


245 


and  Boast,  maikng  all  possible  sail;  it  came  on  thick  again;  but  we 
kept  her  open  on  the  Larboard,  and  the  ‘  ‘  Hope  ’  ’  and  ‘  ‘  Delight  ’  ’ 
on  the  Starboard  bow,  and  it  being  now  Short  Nights,  we  thought 
it  impossible  to  lose  one  another.  But  the  Master  persuaded  our 
Commander  to  shorten  sail,  saying  that  we  should  lose  our  Consorts 
if  we  kept  on.  Another  Fog,  and  be  hanged  to  it;  but  the  next 
morning  the  Yellow  Curtain  was  lifted  up,  and  we  saw  the  Chase 
about  four  miles  ahead,  which  gave  us  a  new  Life.  We  ran  at  a 
great  Rate,  it  being  smooth  water;  but  it  coming  on  to  blow  more 
and  more,  the  Chase  outbore  our  Consorts,  and  being  to  windward, 
she  gave  off,  and  came  down  very  melancholy  to  us,  supposing  her 
to  be  a  French  Homeward-bound  Ship  from  the  South  Seas.  Thus, 
this  Ship  escaped;  and  left  us  all,  from  the  Commander  to  the 
Cabin-boys  (who  had  a  hard  time  of  it  that  night,  you  may  be  sure), 
in  the  most  doleful  Dumps. 

Strong  Gales  to  the  1st  of  January.  This  being  New  Year’s-day, 
every  officer  was  wished  a  Merry  New  Year  by  our  Trumpets  and 
Hautboys;  and  we  had  a  large  tub  of  Punch,  hot,  upon  the  Quarter¬ 
deck,  where  every  man  in  the  Ship  had  above  a  Pint  to  his  share, 
and  drank  to  our  Owners’  and  Friends’  healths  in  Great  Britain,  to 
a  Happy  New  Year,  a  good  Voyage,  plenty  of  Plunder  (Woe  is  me 
for  that  Homeward-bound  Frenchman  from  the  Southern  Seas!), 
and  a  Safe  Return.  And  then  we  bore  down  on  our  Consorts  and 
gave  them  three  Huzzas,  Wishing  them  the  like. 

Now,  it  being  very  raw  cold  Weather,  we  very  much  dreaded 
scudding  upon  Ice;  so  we  fired  Guns  as  Signals  for  the  “  Hope  ” 
and  “  Delight  ”  to  bring  to,  and  on  the  5th  of  January  brought 
ourselves  to,  under  the  same  reefed  Topsails.  We  feared  at  one 
time,  from  our  Consorts  having  an  Ensign  in  their  Maintop  Mast- 
shrouds,  as  a  Signal  of  Distress,  that  they  had  sprung  their  Main¬ 
mast;  so  we  made  the  Large  again,  our  Ship  working  very  well  in 
a  mighty  great  sea.  When  we  were  able  to  get  within  Hail  of  our 
Consorts,  we  asked  them  how  they  did,  and  how  they  had  come  to 
hoist  the  Wretched  Rag.  They  answered,  Pretty  well,  but  that 
they  had  shipped  a  great  deal  of  Water  in  lying  by,  and  being 
forced  to  put  before  the  wind,  the  Sea  had  broke  in  at  the  Cabin 
Windows,  filling  the  Steerage  and  Waste,  and  was  like  to  have 
spoiled  several  Men;  but,  Lleaven  be  thanked,  all  else  was  indifferent 
well  with  ’em;  only  it  was  intolerably  Cold,  and  everything  Wet. 
Captain  Blokes  sent  me  on  board  the  “  Delight  ”  in  our  Yawl,  and  I 
found  them  in  a  very  disorderly  Pickle,  with  all  their  Clothes  a-dry- 
ing;  the  Ship  and  Rigging  covered  with  ’em  from  the  Deck  to  the 


246 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


Maintop.  They  got  six  of  their  Guns  into  the  Hold,  to  make  the 
Ship  lively. 

Aboard  the  “  Marquis  ”  died,  on  the  8th,  John  Veale,  a  Landsman, 
having  lain  ill  a  Fortnight,  and  had  a  Swelling  in  the  Legs  ever 
since  he  left  the  Island  of  Grande.  At  nine  at  night  we  buried 
him;  and  this  was  the  first  we  had  lost  by  Sickness  since  we  left 
England.  Until  the  15tli,  cloudy  Weather  with  Squalls  of  Rain, 
and  fresh  Gales  at  S.W.  We  now  accounted  ourselves  round  Cape 
Horn,  and  so  in  the  South  Seas.  The  French  ships  that  first  came 
to  trade  in  these  seas  were  wont  to  come  through  the  Straits  of 
Magellan;  but  Experience  has  taught  ’em  since,  that  this  is  the 
best  Passage  to  go  round  the  Horn,  where  they  have  Sea  Room 
enow,  without  being  crushed  and  crowded  as  at  a  Ranelagh  Mas¬ 
querade;  and  the  Straits  are  in  many  places  very  narrow^,  with 
strong  Tides  and  no  Anchor  Ground. 

On  the  31st  of  January,  at  seven  in  the  Morning,  we  made  the 
Island  of  Juan  Fernandez,  bearing  W.S.W.,  and  about  two  in  the 
Afternoon  we  hoisted  our  Pinnace  out,  and  essayed  to  send  one  of 
our  Lieutenants  ashore,  though  we  could  not  be  less  than  four 
leagues  off.  As  soon  as  it  was  Dark  our  men  cried  out  that  they 
saw  a  Light  ashore;  our  Boat  was  then  about  a  mile  from  the  Shore, 
and  bore  away  fur  the  Ship  on  our  firing  a  Quarter-deck  Gun,  and 
several  Muskets,  showing  Lanterns  in  our  Mizzen  and  Foreshrouds, 
that  the  Pinnace  might  find  us  again,  whilst  we  plied  to  the  lee  of 
the  Island.  About  two  in  the  Morning  she  came  aboard,  all  safe. 
Next  day  we  sent  our  Yawl  ashore  about  noon  with  the  Master  and 
Six  Men,  all  well  Armed;  meanwhile  we  cleared  all  ready  for 
Action  on  board  the  “  Marquis.”  Our  Boat  did  not  return,  so  we 
sent  our  Pinnace,  with  the  Crew,  likewise  Armed;  for  we  were 
afraid  that  the  Spaniards  might  have  had  a  Garrison  there,  and  so 
seized  ’em.  However,  the  Pinnace  returned,  and  brought  abun¬ 
dance  of  Crawfish,  but  found  nothing  human;  so  that  the  alarm 
about  the  Light  must  have  been  a  mere  superstition  of  the  Ship’s 
Company. 

It  was  at  this  same  Island  of  Juan  Fernandez,  in  the  year  of 
our  Lord  1708-9,  that  Captain  Woodes  Rogers,  commanding  the 
“  Duke  ”  Frigate,  and  with  whom  also  Captain  Dam  pier,  that 
famous  Circumnavigator,  sailed,  found  a  Man  clothed  in  Goat¬ 
skins,  who  looked  wilder  than  they  who  had  been  the  first  owners 
of  ’em.  He  had  been  on  the  Island  four  years  and  four  months, 
being  left  there  by  Captain  Stradling  in  the  “  Cinque  Ports;”  his 
name  was  Alexander  Selkirk,  a  Scottish  man,  who  had  been  Sailing- 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


24  7 


Master  to  the  “  Cinque  Ports;”  but  quarreling  with  the  Commander, 
was  by  him  accused  of  Mutiny,  and  so  Abandoned  on  this  Unin¬ 
habited  Island.  During  his  stay  he  saw  several  Ships  pass  by,  but 
only  two  came  to  an  Anchor.  As  he  went  to  view  ’em  he  found 
they  were  Spaniards,  and  so  retired,  upon  which  they  Shot  at  him. 
Had  they  been  French  he  would  have  submitted;  but  chose  to  risk 
his  dying  alone  on  the  Island  rather  than  fall  into  the  hands  of  the 
Spaniards,  because  he  apprehended  they  would  Murder  him,  or 
make  a  Slave  of  him  in  the  Mines;  for  he  feared  they  would  spare 
no  Stranger  that  might  be  capable  of  Discovering  the  South  Sea.  He 
had  with  him  when  left  his  Clothes  and  Bedding,  with  a  Firelock, 
some  Powder,  Bullets,  and  Tobacco,  a  Hatchet,  a  Knife,  a  Kettle, 
a  Bible,  some  practical  Pieces  and  some  Mathematical  Instruments 
and  Books.  During  the  first  eight  months  of  his  stay  he  suffered 
much  from  Melancholy  and  Terror;  but  afterward  got  on  pretty 
well.  He  built  two  Huts  with  Pimento  Wood,  which  he  also 
burned  for  Fuel  and  Candle;  and  which,  besides,  refreshed  him 
with  its  fragrant  smell.  He  had  grown  very  Pious  in  his  Retreat, 
and  was  much  given  to  singing  of  Psalms,  having  before  led  a  very 
naughty  life.  Being  a  very  good  sailor,  Captain  Woodes  Rogers 
took  him  away  with  him  as  Second  Mate.  He  told  ’em  that  he  had 
been  at  first  much  pestered  with  Cats  and  Rats,  the  latter  of  which 
gnawed  his  feet  and  clothes,  so  that  he  was  obliged  to  cherish  the 
Cats  with  Goat’s-flesh,  and  they  grew  so  familiar  with  him  as  to 
lie  about  him  in  hundreds.  But  I  can  not  stay  to  recount  half  the 
wonderful  Adventures  of  Mr.  Selkirk.  I  knew  him  afterward,  a 
very  old  man,  lodging  with  one  Mrs.  Branbody,  that  kept  a  Chan¬ 
dler’s  Shop  over  against  the  Jews’  Harp  Tavern  at  Stepney.  He 
was  wont  bitterly  to  complain  that  the  Manuscript  in  which  he  had 
written  down  an  Account  of  his  Life  at  Juan  Fernandez  had  been 
cozened  out  of  him  by  some  crafty  Book-sellers;  and  that  a  Para¬ 
phrase,  or  rather  Burlesque,  of  it,  in  a  most  garbled  and  mutilated 
form,  had  been  printed  as  a  Children’s  Story-book,  under  the  name 
of  “  Robinson  Crusoe.”  This  was  done  by  one  Mr.  Daniel  Foe,  a 
Newswriter,  who,  in  my  Youth,  stood  in  the  Pillory  by  Temple 
Bar,  for  a  sedition  in  some  plaguy  Church-matters.  But  it  is  fitting 
to  let  these  Gentry  know  that  they  have  Ears,  lest  they  become  too 
Saucy. 


248 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


CHAPTER  THE  TWENTIETH. 

THE  CONTINUATION  OF  MY  VOYAGE  UNTIL  MY  RETURN  AGAIN  TO 

EUROPE. 

Now,  being  got  away  from  Juan  Fernandez,  did  an  unconquer¬ 
able  Greed  and  Longing  for  Prize  and  Plunder  come  over  us;  and 
did  we  sweep  the  Horizon  hour  after  hour  as  long  as  it  was  Light, 
in  hope  of  satisfaction  to  our  long-deferred  Hope.  March  2d  we 
sighted  Land,  and  a  vast  high  ridge  of  Mountains  they  call  the  Cor¬ 
dilleras,  and  are  in  the  Country  of  Chili.  Some  parts  are,  I  be¬ 
lieve,  full  as  high,  if  not  higher,  than  Ihe  Pico  of  Teneriffe,  and 
the  tops  of  all  of  ’em  covered  with  Snow.  This  day  we  came  to 
an  allowance  of  Three  Pints  of  Water  a  day  for  each  man;  judging 
it  best  to  be  Economical,  although  we  had  a  good  stock  of  water 
aboard  (taken  in  at  Juan  Fernandez);  but  Captain  Blokes’s  reason 
was,  to  be  able  to  keep  at  Sea  for  some  time  longer,  and  take  some 
Prizes  to  keep  the  Deuce  out  of  our  pockets,  without  being  dis¬ 
covered  by  Watering;  for  our  South-Sea  Pilot  told  us  that  the 
timorous  people  of  these  Latitudes  once  smelling  an  Enemy  hover¬ 
ing  about,  will  put  to  sea  with  nothing  of  value  from  one  end  of 
the  Coast  to  the  other.  Much  baffled  by  several  white  Rocks  that 
looked  like  Ships,  and  Captain  Blokes  much  incensed  at  continual 
Disappointments,  takes  to  making  the  Cabin-boy  weaiy  of  his  life; 
and  after  drubbing  him  with  a  Rope’s-end  three  times  doubled,  was 
for  sousing  him  in  the  Pickle-tub;  but  I  dissuaded  him  (remember¬ 
ing  the  Torments  I  had  myself  endured  as  a  Moose;  and  even  now 
when  I  think  of  ’em  I  am  Afraid,  and  Trembling  takes  hold  of  my 
Flesh),  and  so  no  more  was  Done  to  him.  beyond  a  Threat  that  he 
should  be  Keel  hauled  next  time;  although  the  poor  lad  had  in  no 
way  misbehaved  himself.  We  got  the  two  Pinnaces  into  the  water, 
to  try  ’em  under  sail,  having  fixed  each  of  ’em  with  a  Gun,  after 
the  manner  of  a  Patterero,  to  be  useful  as  small  Privateers,  hoping 
they’d  be  serviceable  to  us  in  little  winds  to  take  vessels.  March 
15th,  Land  again,  and  we  supposed  it  was  Lobos;  and  sure  enough, 
on  the  17th,  we  got  well  unto  anchor  off  that  Island,  but  found  no¬ 
body  at  the  place.  On  the  19th  we  determined  to  fit  out  our  small 
Bark  for  a  Privateer,  and  launched  her  into  blue  water,  under  the 
name  of  the  “  Beginning.”  To  his  great  pride  and  delight,  Captain 
Blokes  appointed  the  Doctor  of  Physic  to  command  her.  She  was 


CAPTAIK  DANGEROUS. 


249 


well  built  for  sailing,  so  she  was  had  round  to  a  small  Cove  in  the 
Southernmost  part  of  Lobos.  A  small  Spar  out  of  the  “  Marquis  ” 
made  a  Mainmast  for  her,  and  one  of  our  Mizzen  Topsails  was  altered 
to  make  her  a  Mainsail.  March  21st,  all  being  ready,  and  the  “  Be¬ 
ginning  ”  christened  by  Captain  Blokes’s  emptying  a  Bowl  of  hot 
Punch  over  her  bow,  she  was  victualed  from  the  general  store;  and 
the  Doctor  of  Physic,  who,  for  all  his  Degree,  claimed  to  be  a  good 
Mariner,  took  possession  of  his  high  and  important  command. 
Twenty  men  from  our  ship,  and  ten  from  our  Consorts,  were  put 
aboard  her,  all  well  Armed.  We  saw  her  out  of  the  Harbor,  and 
she  looked  very  pretty,  having  all  Masts,  Sails,  Rigging,  and  Ma¬ 
terials,  like  one  of  those  Half  Galleys  fitted  out  for  his  Majesty’s 
Service  in  England.  They  gave  our  Ship’s  Company  three  Huzzas, 
and  we  returned  them  the  like  at  parting.  We  told  the  Captain- 
Doctor  that  if  we  were  forced  out  of  the  Road,  or  gave  chase  hence, 
we  would  leave  a  Glass  Bottle,  buried  under  a  remarkable  Great 
Stone  agreed  upon,  with  Letters  in  it,  to  give  an  Account  of  how  it 
was  with  us  at  the  moment  of  our  Departure,  and  where  to  meet 
again.  And  he  was  to  do  the  like.  When  the  “  Beginning  ”  was 
gone  we  fell  to  and  scrubbed  Ship,  getting  abundance  of  Barnacles 
off  her  much  bigger  than  Mussels.  Seals  numerous,  but  not  so 
many  as  at  Juan  Fernandez.  A  large  one  seized  upon  a  fat  Dutch¬ 
man  that  belonged  to  us,  and  had  like  to  have  pulled  him  into  the 
water,  biting  him  to  the  bone  about  the  arms  and  legs.  This  Hol¬ 
lander  was  henceforth  known  as  the  Lord  Chancellor,  having  been 
so  very  near  the  Great  Seal.  After  barnacling,  we  gave  the 
“  Marquis  ”  a  good  Keel,  and  Tallowed  her  low  down.  Another 
Dutchman  we  had  died  of  the  Scurvy.  His  Messmates  said  that  it 
was  because  we  had  no  more  Cheese  aboard,  and  that  he  could  not 
catch  Red  Herrings  by  angling  for  Ihem  in  Blue  Water. 

March  28th.  The  little  “  Beginning  ”  came  in  with  a  Prize, 
called  the  “  Santa  Josepha,  ”  bound  from  Guayaquil  to  Truxillo, 
50  tons  burden,  full  of  Timber,  with  some  Cocoanuts  and  Tobacco. 
A  very  paltry  Spoil.  There  were  about  twelve  Spaniards  aboard, 
who  told  us  (after  some  little  Persuasion,  in  the  way  of  Drubbing) 
that  the  Widow  of  the  late  Viceroy  of  Peru  would  shortly  embark 
at  Acapulco,  with  her  Family  and  Riches,  and  stop  at  Payta  to  Re¬ 
fresh;  and  that  about  eight  months  ago  there  was  a  Galleon  with 
200,000  pieces  of  Eight  on  board,  that  passed  Payta  on  her  way  to 
Acapulco.  They  continued,  however,  to  Lie  and  Contradict  them¬ 
selves  when  questioned;  and  so  (as  they  howled  most  dismally  on 
deck  while  under  Punishment)  they  were  had  down  to  the  Cockpit, 


250 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


where  the  Boatswain  and  his  Mates  had  their  Will  of  them,  and  I 
don’t  know  what  became  of  them  afterward.  These  Spanish  Pris¬ 
oners  give  a  great  deal  of  Trouble. 

April  2d.  The  Superstitious  among  us  were  heartily  frightened 
at  the  color  of  the  Water,  which  for  several  miles  looked  as  Red  as 
any  Blood.  Some  fellows  among  the  crew  that  were  of  a  Preach¬ 
ing  Turn,  gave  out  that  this  unusual  appearance  was  an  Omen,  or 
Warning  to  us  of  Judgments  coming  for  what  had  been  done  to  the 
Spanish  Prisoners  (in  the  which  Duresse  I  declare  I  had  no  hand; 
’twas  all  done  by  Captain  Blokes’s  orders,  and  ’tis  very  likely  that 
the  Boatswain,  who  was  a  Rough  Fellow,  very  ignorant,  exceeded 
his  instructions).  It  was  explained,  however,  that  this  Sanguinary 
Hue  in  the  water  was  a  perfectly  natural  appearance,  caused  by  the 
Spawn  of  Fish;  and  two  or  three  of  the  preaching  fellows  being 
had  to  the  Maingears  and  well  Drubbed,  Grog  was  served  out  to 
the  rest,  and  an  Alarm,  which  might  have  bred  a  Mutiny,  soon 
subsided. 

But  Huzza!  on  the  5th  of  April  we  had  things  more  substantial 
to  think  of  than  Red  Seawater;  for  we  took,  after  a  very  slight 
Resistance,  a  Ship  called  the  “Ascension,”  built  Galleon-fashion, 
very  high,  with  Galleries,  Burden  between  400  and  500  tons,  and 
two  Brothers  Commanders,  both  Dons  of  families  that  were  Gran¬ 
dees  500  years  before  Adam  was  born,  and  of  course  with  five-and- 
twenty  Christian  Names  apiece.  She  had  a  number  of  Passengers 
and  some  fifty  Negroes;  but  the  former  being  persons  of  Condition, 
far  above  the  Common  Sort,  and  not  poor  Coasting  people,  such  as 
were  those  in  the  Timber  Bark,  we  used  ’em  handsomely.  They, 
without  any  such  persuasion  as  was  emplo}Ted  to  their  forerunners, 
told  us  that  the  Bishop  of  Chokeaqua,  a  place  far  up  the  Country 
in  the  South  Parts  of  Peru,  was  to  have  come  from  Panama  in  this 
vessel  for  Lima,  but  would  stop  at  Payta  to  Recruit.  Being  near 
that  place,  we  resolved  to  Watch  narrowly,  in  order  to  catch  his 
Lordship. 

Now  to  the  Norrard,  and  on  the  10th  of  April  we  were  off  the 
Hummocks  they  call  the  Saddle  of  Payta;  and  being  very  Calm, 
we  held  a  Court  Martial  on  one  of  our  Midshipmen  who  had 
threatened  to  shoot  one  of  our  men  when  at  Lobos,  merely  for  re¬ 
fusing  to  carry  some  Crows  that  he  had  shot.  The  Court  was  held 
in  Captain  Blokes’s  Cabin,  and  consisted  of  the  Commander,  Self, 
First-Lieutenant,  assisted  in  our  deliberations  by  sundry  pipes  of 
Tobacco  and  a  great  Jug  of  Punch.  Found  Guilty.  Sentenced  to 
be  Degraded  before  the  Mast,  to  have  his  Grog  stopped  for  a  Fort- 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


251 


night,  and  to  receive  Four  Dozen  at  the  Gun  (for  he  being  a  kind 
of  Officer,  we  did  not  wish  to  Humiliate  him  on  deck).  Half  of 
his  punishment  he  endured  with  more  doleful  Squalling  than  ever 
I  heard  from  a  Penitent  in  my  Life,  although  the  Boatswain  was 
very  tender  with  him,  and  three  Tails  of  the  Cat  were  tied  up.  He 
begged  pardon,  and  so  Captain  Blokes  remitted  him  the  rest  of  his 
Punishment.  This  Midshipman  was  one  who  sung  a  very  good 
Song;  and  so  a  Cushion  being  brought  to  Ease  him,  we  finished  the 
Evening  and  the  Punch  jovially  enough,  he  being  before  the  end  in 
high  favor  with  the  Commander,  and  promised  his  Rating  back 
again. 

April  15.  The  Officers  of  all  Three  Ships  met  on  board  the 
“  Marquis,  ”  and  the  Committee  came  to  a  Resolution  to  attack 
Guayaquil  at  once.  The  Bark  we  had  called  the  “  Beginning  ”  by 
this  time  had  come  back  to  us,  having  done  nothing  and  found 
nothing,  since  its  first  prize,  except  a  great  Sea  Lubber,  some  kind 
of  Monster  that  the  Doctor  of  Physic  had  caught  and  wanted  to 
preserve  in  Rum,  to  make  a  Present  of  to  the  Royal  Society  when 
we  came  home;  but  we  forbade  his  wasting  good  Liquor  for  so  un¬ 
worthy  an  end,  and  the  Monster,  smelling  intolerably,  was  thrown 
overboard.  ’Twoukl  have  caused  me  no  great  sorrow  to  see  the 
Doctor  follow  his  Prodigy,  for  he  was  a  very  uncomfortable  Person, 
and  wTas  much  given  to  cheating  at  Cards. 

April  20th.  To  our  Boats  oil  Guayaquil,  a  Great  Company  of  - 
Men  and  Officers  all  armed  to  the  teeth.  We  rowed  till  12  at  night, 
when  we  saw  Lights,  which  we  judged  to  be  a  place  called  Puna. 
It  blew  fresh,  with  a  small  rolling  Sea,  the  Boat  I  commanded  being 
deep  laden  and  crammed  with  men;  some  of  us  said  they  would 
rather  be  in  a  Storm  at  Sea  than  here;  but,  in  regard  we  were  about 
a  charming  Undertaking,  we  thought  no  Fatigue  too  hard.  At 
day-break  we  saw  a  Bark  above  us  in  the  River;  and,  running  down 
upon  her,  found  it  was  a  large  Pinnace,  full  of  the  most  consider¬ 
able  Inhabitants  of  Puna,  escaping  toward  Guayaquil.  Here  were 
at  least  a  dozen  handsome  genteel  young  Women,  extremely  well 
dressed,  and  from  them  our  men  got  some  fine  Gold  Chains  and 
Ear-rings.  Some  of  these  Nickknacks  were  concealed  about  ’em;  but 
the  Gentlewomen  in  these  parts  being  very  thinly  dressed  in  Silk 
and  Fine  Linen,  they  could  hide  but  little,  and  our  Linguist  was 
bidden  to  advise  them  to  be  Wise  in  Time,  and  surrender  their 
Valuables,  which  they  did.  And  so  civil  were  our  Sailors  to  them, 
that  they  offered  to  dress  some  Victuals  for  us  when  we  got  ’em 
aboard;  which  made  us  hope  that  the  Fair  Sex  would  be  kind  to  us 


252 


CAPTAIN  DANGEKOUS. 


when  we  returned  to  England,  for  our  discreet  behavior  to  these 
charming  Prisoners. 

******* 

I  am  afraid  that  during  the  Attack  on  Guayaquil,  which  took 
place  the  next  day,  and  continued  for  the  three  following  ones, 
when  the  place  Capitulated  to  our  force,  and  a  Treaty  was  signed 
between  our  Commanders  and  the  Governor  and  Corregidor  of 
Guayaquil,  sundry  proceedings  took  place  that  would  not  very  well 
have  squared  with  the  public  ideas  of  what  is  due  to  the  Fair  Sex 
just  treated  of;  but  I  declare  that  I  had  neither  Art  nor  Part  in 
them,  and  that  I  am  entirely  Free  from  any  Responsibility  that 
Censure  might  cast  on  the  Authors  of  Cruel  Disturbances:  for  early 
in  the  Attack  I  was  hit  by  a  Musket-ball  in  the  chest,  and  borne 
senseless  to  our  Boats.  That  I  did  my  Duty  bravely,  my  Com¬ 
mander  was  good  enough  to  say,  and  the  whole  Ship’s  Company  to 
admit.  I  was  carried  away  to  the  “  Marquis,”  and  for  a  long  time 
lay  between  Hawk  and  Buzzard;  for  a  smart  Fever  came  about  the 
third  day, -like  Burgundy  wine  after  Sherris,  and  I  was  for  a  while 
quite  off  my  head  and  Raving  about  Old  Times — about  Captain 
Night  and  the  Blacks,  and  Maum  Buckey  and  her  Negro  Washer¬ 
women,  and  my  Campaign  against  the  Maroons,  and  some  Other 
Things  that  had  befallen  me  during  those  fifteen  years  which  I 
have  chosen  to  leave  a  Blank  in  my  life,  and  which  I  scorn  to  deny 
'did — some  of  them — lie  heavy  on  my  Conscience.  All  these  were 
mixed  up  with  the  old  Gentleman  at  Gnawbit’s,  and  my  Lord  Lovat 
with  his  head  off,  and  my  Grandmother  in  Hanover  Square;  so 
that  I  doubt  whether  those  who  tended  me  knew  what  to  make  of 
me.  There  was  some  difficulty,  too,  as  to  medical  attendance,  for 
we  had  cashiered  our  Surgeon — that  is  to  say,  he  had  run  away  at 
Grande  in  the  Brazils,  to  marry  a  brown  Portugee  woman;  and  the 
Doctor  of  Physic  he  was  all  for  Herbal  Treatment,  demanding  Suc¬ 
cory,  Agrimony,  Asarabacca,  Kniglits-pound-wort,  Cuckoo-point, 
Hulver-bush,  with  Alelioof,  and  other  things  not  to  be  found  in 
this  part  of  the  World.  And  Captain  Blokes  said  that  he  knew 
nothing  half  so  good  for  a  Gunshot  Wound  as  cold  Rum  and 
Water;  and  between  the  two  I  had  like  to  have  died,  but  all  were 
very  kind  to  me,  even  to  extracting  the  Ball  with  a  Pair  of  Snuffers; 
and  a  great  clumsy  thing  the  said  missile  was,  being,  I  verily  be¬ 
lieve,  part  of  a  Doorliinge  which  these  clumsy  Spanish  Brutes  had 
broken  off  short  to  cram  into  their  Guns;  and  yet  it  might  have 
gone  worse  with  me  had-  it  been  a  smooth  round  cast  Bullet,  and 
drilled  a  clean  Wound  right  through  my  Body, 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


253 


As  I  was  coming  round,  even  to  the  taking  of  some  Sangaree  and 
Chicken  Panada  (for  we  were  now  very  well  provided  with  Live 
Stock),  the  Captain  said  to  me:  44  You  ha’n’t  murdered  a  man, 
Brother,  have  you?” 

I  replied,  starting  up,  that  my  hands  were  free  from  the  stain  of 
Blood  unrighteously  spilled. 

“  No  offense,  Brother  Dangerous,”  continued  the  Captain.  “  In 
our  line  of  life  we  ar’n’t  particular.  It  wouldn’t  take  very  dirty 
weather  to  make  our  Ensign  look  like  a  Black  Flag.  Piracy  and 
Prival  eering — they  both  begin  with  a  P.  I  thought  you  had  some¬ 
thing  o’  that  sort  on  your  mind,  because  you  took  it  so  woundily 
about  being  hanged.” 

“  I  have  had  a  strange  life,”  I  answered,  faintly. 

“  No  doubt  about  that,”  says  the  Captain.  44  So  have  I,  Brother, 
and  not  an  overgood  one:  that's  why  I  asked  you.  If  the  old 
woman  hadn’t  been  in  the  oven  herself,  she’d  never  have  gone  there 
to  look  for  her  daughter.  But  have  you  anything  on  your  mind, 
Brother?  Is  there  anything  that  Billy  Blokes  can  do  for  you?” 

I  answered,  very  gratefully,  that  there  was  nothing  I  could  think 
of. 

“  ’Cause  why,”  he  resumed,  44  if  there  is,  you  have  only  to  sing 
out.  If  you  think  you’re  like  to  slip  your  Cable,  and  would  like  to 
say  something,  we’ve  got  a  Padre  on  board  out  of  the  last  Prize, 
and  he  shall  come  and  do  the  Right  Thing  for  you.  You  don’t 
know  anything  about  his  lingo;  but  what  odds  is  that?  Spanish, 
or  Thieves’  Latin,  or  rightdown  Cockney — it’s  all  one  when  the 
word’s  given  to  pipe  all  hands.  ” 

I  answered  that  I  was  no  Papist,  but  a  humble  member  of  the 
Church  of  England  as  by  Law  established. 

44  Of  course,  ”  concluded  the  Captain.  44  So  am  I.  God  bless 
King  George  and  the  Protestant  Succession,  and  confound  the 
Pope,  the  Devil,  and  the  Pretender!  But  any  Port  in  a  storm,  you 
know;  and  a  Padre’s  better  than  no  Prayers  at  all.  I’ve  done  all  I  could 
for  you,  Brother.  I’ve  read  you  most  part  of  the  story  of  Bel  and  the 
Dragon,  likewise  the  Articles  of  War,  and  a  lot  of  psalms  out  of 
Sternhold  and  Hopkins;  and  now,  if  you  feel  skeery  about  losing 
the  number  of  your  mess.  I’ll  make  your  Will  for  you,  to  be  all 
shipshape  before  the  Big  Wigs  of  London.  There  must  be  a  matter 
of  Four  Hundred  Pounds  coming  to  you  already  for  your  share  of 
Plunder;  and  no  one  shall  say  that  Billy  Blokes  ever  robbed  a  Mess* 
mate  of  even  a  twopenny  tester  of  his  Rights.” 

Again  I  thanked  this  singular  person,  who,  for  all  his  Addicted- 


25  4 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


ness  to  Rum-and-Water,  of  which  he  drank  vast  quantities,  was 
one  ot  the  most  Sagacious  men  I  have  known.  But  I  told  him  that 
I  had  neither  kith  nor  kin  belonging  to  me;  that  I  did  not  even  know 
the  name  of  my  Father  and  Mother;  and  that  my  Grandmother, 
even,  was  an  Unknown  Lady,  and  had  been  dead  nigh  forty  years. 
Finally,  that  if  I  made  any  Will,  it  would  only  be  to  the  effect  that 
my  Property,  if  any,  might  be  divided  among  the  Ship’s  Company 
of  the  “  Marqu's,”  witti  a  donative  of  Fifty  Guineas  to  the  “  Hope  ” 
and  “  Delight  ”  people  to  drink  to  my  Memory. 

“Ay,  and  to  a  pleasant  journey  to  Fiddler’s  Green,”  cries  out 
the  Captain.  “  But  cheer  up,  Heart;  ye’re  not  weighed  for  the 
Long  Journey  yet.”  Nor  had  I;  for  I  presently  recovered,  and  in 
less  than  a  month  after  my  Mishap  was  again  whole  and  fit  for 
Duty.  And  I  have  set  this  down  in  order  to  confute  those  malig¬ 
nant  men  who  have  declared  that  all  my  Wounds  were  from  Stripes 
between  the  Shoulders;  whereas  I  can  show  the  marks,  1°,  of  an 
English  Grenadier’s  bayonet;  2°,  of  a  Frenchman’s  sword;  3Q,  of 
a  Spanish  bullet;  with  many  more  Scars  gotten  as  honorably,  and 
which  it  would  be  only  braggadocio  to  tell  the  History  of. 

Item. — The  Corregidores,  or  Head-Men,  of  Guayaquil  are  great 
Thieves.  The  Mercenary  Viceroys,  not  being  permitted  to  Trade 
themselves,  do  use  the  Corregidores  as  middle-men,  and  these  again 
employ  a  third  hand;  so  that  ships  are  constantly  employed  carry¬ 
ing  Quicksilver,  and  all  manner  of  precious  and  prohibited  goods, 
to  and  from  Mexico  out  of  by-ports.  Thus,  loo,  being  their  own 
Judges,  they  get  vast  Estates,  and  stop  all  complaints  in  Old  Spain 
by  Bribes.  But  now  and  then  comes  out  a  Viceroy  who  is  a  Man 
of  Honesty  and  Probity,  and  will  have  none  of  these  Scoundrely 
ways  of  Making  Money  (like  Mr.  Henry  Fielding  among  the  Trad¬ 
ing  Justices,  a  Bright  exception  for  integrity,  though  his  Life,  as  I 
have  heard,  was  otherwise  dissolute),  and  then  he  falls  to  and 
squeezes  the  Corregidores,  in  the  same  manner  as  Cardinal  Riche¬ 
lieu,  that  was  Lewis  Thirteenth’s  Minister,  was  wont  to  do  with  the 
Financiers.  “You  must  treat  ’em  like  Leeches,”  said  he;  “and 
when  they  are  bloaied  with  blood,  put  salt  upon  them,  to  make 
them  disgorge.”  And  I  have  heard  that  this  rigid  System  of  Prob: 
ity,  and  putting  salt  on  the  gorged  Corregidores,  has  ofttimes 
turned  out  more  profitable  to  the  Viceroys  than  trading  on  their 
own  account. 

Many  of  our  men  falling  sick  here,  and  our  Ransom  being  now 
fully  disbursed  by  the  authorities  of  Guayaquil,  we  made  haste  to 
get  away  from  the  place,  which  was  fast  becoming  pestiferous. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


255 


We  set  sail  with  more  than  fifty  men  Down  with  the  Distemper 
(of  which  they  were  dying  like  Sheep  with  the  Rot  in  the  town, 
and  all  the  Churches  turned  into  Hospitals),  but  we  hoped  the  Sea 
Air,  for  which  we  longed,  would  set  us  all  healthy  again.  So 
plying  to  windward,  bearing  for  the  Gallipagos  Island,  and  on  the 
21st  of  May  made  the  most  Norrard  of  that  Group.  Jan 
Serouder,  a  West  Frieslander,  and  very  good  Sailor,  though 
much  given  to  smoking  in  his  hammock,  for  which  he  had  many 
times  been  Drubbed,  died  of  the  Distemper.  A  great  want  of 
Medicines  aboard,  and  the  Rum  running  very  low.  Sent  a  Boat 
ashore  to  see  for  Water,  Fish,  and  Turtle,  which  our  men  (being 
now  less  Dainty  by  Roughing)  had,  by  this  time,  condescended  to 
eat.  Kept  on  our  course;  on  the  27th  the  Easternmost  Island  bore 
S.E.  by  S.,  distant  about  four  leagues;  and  nothing  more  remark¬ 
able  happened  till  the  6th  of  June,  when  we  spied  a  Sail,  the 
“  Hope  ”  being  then  about  two  miles  ahead  of  us;  and  about  seven 
in  the  Evening  she  took  her  in  a  very  courageous  manner.  This 
was  a  Vessel  of  about  90  tons,  bound  from  Panama  to  Guayaquil, 
called  the  “  San  Tomaso  y  San  Demas  ”  (for  these  Spaniards  can 
never  have  too  much  of  a  good  thing  in  the  way  of  Saints),  Juan  Na¬ 
varro  Navarret  y  Colza,  Commander.  About  lorty  people  on  board, 
and  eleven  Negro  Slaves,  but  little  in  the  way  of  European  goods  save 
some  Iron  and  Cloth.  They  had  a  passenger  of  note  on  board,  one 
Don  Pantaleone  and  Something  as  long  as  my  Arm,  who  was  going 
to  be  Governor  of  Baldiyia,  and  said  he  had  been  taken  not  long 
since  in  the  North  Sea  by  Jamaica  Cruisers.  On  the  7  th  June  we 
made  the  Island  of  Gorgona;  and,  on  the  8tli,  got  to  an  anchor  in 
30-fathom  water.  The  next  day  sent  out  our  Pinnace  a-cruising 
and  took  a  prizq  called  the  “  Golden  Sun,”  belonging  to  a  Creek 
on  the  Main— a  twopenny-halfpenny  little  thing,  35  tons;  ten  Span¬ 
iards  and  Indians,  and  a  Negro  that  was  chained  down  to  the  deck 
to  amuse  the  Ship  Company  with  playing  on  the  Guitar  (a  kind  of 
Lute).  However,  we  found  a  few  ounces  of  Gold-dust  aboard  her, 
worth  some  sixty  pounds  sterling.  After  examining  our  Prisoners, 
(who  gave  us  much  trouble,  for  we  had  no  Linguist,  and  ’twas  a 
Word  and  a  Blow  in  questioning  them:  that  is,  the  Blow  came 
from  us  to  get  the  Word  from  ’em;  but  not  more  than  two  or  three 
Spaniards  were  Expended) — after  this  tedious  work  was  over  we 
held  a  Committee,  and  agreed  to  go  to  Malaga,*  an  Island  which 

*  There  is  a  River  in  Macedon  and  a  River  in  Monmouth,  and  more  Malagas 
than  one. 


256 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


had  a  Road,  and  with  our  Boats  tow  up  the  River  in  quest  of  the 
rich  Gold  mines  of  Barbacore,  also  called  by  the  Spaniards  San 
Juan.  But  heavy  Rains  coming  on,  we  were  obliged  to  beat  back 
and  come  to  Gorgona  again,  building  a  Tent  ashore  for  our  Armor 
and  Sick  Men.  We  spent  till  the  25th  in  Careening;  on  the  28th 
we  got  all  aboard  again,  rigged  and  stowed  all  ready  for  sea;  the 
^  Spaniards  who  were  our  Prisoners,  and  who  are  very  Dilatory 
Sailors  (for  they  hearken  more  to  their  Saints  than  to  the  Boat¬ 
swain’s  Pipe),  were  much  amazed  at  our  Dispatch;  telling  us  that 
they  usually  took  Six  Weeks  or  a  Month  to  Careen  one  of  their 
King’s  Ships  at  Lima,  where  they  are  well  provided  with  all  Neces¬ 
saries,  and  account  that  Quick  Expedition.  We  allowed  Liberty  of 
Conscience  on  boaid  our  floating  Commonwealth  to  our  Prisoners; 
for  there  being  a  Priest  in  each  ship,  they  had  the  Great  Cabin  for 
their  Mass,  whilst  we  used  the  Church-of-England  Service  over 
them  on  the  Quarter-deck.  So  that  the  Papists  here  were  the  Low 
Churchmen.  Shortly  after  the  beginning  of  July  we  freed  our 
prisoners  at  fair  Ransom  in  Gold-dust;  but  the  Village  where  we 
landed  them  was  so  poor  in  common  Necessaries,  that  we  were 
obliged  to  give  them  some  corned  beef  and  biscuit  for  their  sub¬ 
sistence  until  they  could  get  up  the  Country,  where  there  was  a 
Town.  Same  day  a  Negro  belonging  to  the  “  Delight  ”  was  bit  by 
a  small  brown  speckled  Snake,  and  died  in  a  few  hours. 

We  had  with  us,  too,  a  very  good  prize  taken  by  the  “  Hope,” 
and  continued  unloading  this  and  transferring  the  rich  contents  to 
our  ships,  having  promised  to  restore  the  Hull  itself  to  the  Span¬ 
iards,  on  her  beiift;  handsomely  Ransomed;  and  the  Don  that  was  to 
be  Governor  of  Baldivia  was  appointed  Agent  for  us,  and  suffered 
to  go  freely  on  his  Parole  to  and  fro  to  arrange  Money-matters  with 
the  Authorities  up  the  Country. 

Memorandum. — Amongst  our  Prisoners  (taken  on  board  the 
Panama  ship)  there  was  a  Gentlewoman  and  her  Family,  the  Eldest 
Daughter,  a  pretty  young  woman  of  Eighteen,  newly  Married,  and 
had  her  husband  with  her.  We  assigned  them  the  Great  Cabin  on 
board  the  Prize,  and  none  were  suffered  to  intrude  amongst  them; 
yet  the  Husband  (we  were  told)  showed  evident  Marks  of  a  Violent 
Jealousy,  which  is  Ihe  Spaniard’s  Epidemic  Disease.  I  hope  he 
had  not  the  least  Reason  for  it,  seeing  that  the  Prize-master  (our 
Second  Lieutenant)  was  above  Fifty  years  of  Age,  and  of  a  very 
Grave  Countenance,  appearing  to  be  the  most  secure  Guardian  to 
females  that  had  the  least  Charm,  though  all  our  young  Men  (that 
were  Officers)  had  hitherto  appeared  Modest  beyond  Example  among 


CAPTAIN-  DANGEROUS. 


257 


privateers;  yet  we  thought  it  improper  to  expose  them  to  Tempta¬ 
tion.  And  I  am  sure,  when  the  Lieutenant,  being  superseded  for 
somewhat  Scorching  of  a  Negro  with  a  stick  of  fire  for  answering 
him  Saucily,  and  Captain  Blokes  bade  me  take  temporary  com¬ 
mand  of  the  Prize  and  Prisoners,  that  I  behaved  myself  so  well  as 
to  gain  Thanks  and  Public  Acknowledgments  for  my  civility  to  the 
Ladies.  We  had  notice  that  more  than  one  of  these  Fair  Creatures 
had  concealed  Treasure  about  ’em;  and  so  in  the  most  Delicate  Man¬ 
ner  we  ordeied  a  Female  Negro  who  spoke  English  to  overhaul  ’em 
privately,  and  at  the  same  time  to  tell  ’em  that  it  would  pain  us  to 
the  Heart  to  be  obliged  to  use  Stripes  or  other  Unhandsome  Means 
to  come  to  a  Discovery.  Many  Gold  Chains,  Bracelets,  Ouches, 
and  such-like  Whim-Whams  the  Sable  Nymph  found  cunningly 
stowed  away;  upon  which  we  gave  her  half  a  pint  of  Wine  and  a 
large  pot  of  Sweets,  forgiving  her  at  the  same  time  a  Whipping  at 
the  Capstan  which  had  been  promised  her  for  Romping  and  Gam- 
mocking  among  the  people  in  the  Forecastle.  For  I  suppose  there 
was.  never  a  modester  man  than  Captain  Blokes. 

August  10th.  All  Money-Matters  being  arranged,  we  disposed 
of  our  Prisoners.  We  burned  down  the  Village  for  some  Imperti¬ 
nence  of  the  Head  Man  (who  was  a  Half-caste  Indian) — but  no 
great  harm  done,  since  ’twas  mostly  Mud  and  Plantain  thatch,  and 
could  be  built  up  again  in  a  Week — and  got  to  Windward  very 
slowly,  there  being  a  constant  current  flowing  to  Leeward  to  the 
Bay  of  Panama.  13th  we  saw  the  Island  of  Gallo;  the  18tli  we 
spied  a  Sail  bearing  W.N.W.  of  us,  when  we  all  three  gave  chase, 
and  took  her  in  half  an  hour.  70  tons.  Panama  to  Lima.  Forty 
people  aboard,  upon  examining  whom  they  could  tell  us  little  News 
from  Europe,  but  said  that  there  came  Advices  from  Portobello  in 
Spain,  and  by  a  French  ship  from  France,  not  long  before  they 
came  out  of  Panama;  but  that  all  was  kept  private;  only,  they 
heard  that  his  Royal  Highness  the  Duke  of  Cumberland  was  Dead, 
the  which  Sad  Intelligence  we  were  not  willing  to  Believe,  but 
drank  his  Health  at  Night,  which  we  thought  could  do  him  no 
hurt  even  if  he  really  happened  to  be  Dead.  By  this  time  we  had 
gotten  another  Surgeon  out  of  the  “  Delight,”  whom  we  daily  ex¬ 
ercised  at  his  Instruments  in  the  Cockpit,  and  his  Mate  at  making 
-of  Bandages  and  spreading  of  Ointment;  and  Captain  Blokes  (who 
was  always  giving  some  fresh  proof  of  Sagacity),  just  to  try  ’em, 
and  imitate  business  for  ’em  a  little,  ordered  Red  Lead,  mixed  with 
Water,  to  be  thrown  on  two  of  our  Fellows,  and  sent  ’em  down  to 

the  Hold,  when  the  Surgeon,  thinking  they  had  really  b&en  wound- 
9 


258 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


ed,  went  about  to  Dress  them;  but  the  Mistake  being  discovered,  it 
was  a  very  agreeable  Diversion. 

After  this  we  made  sail  to  the  Marias  Islands  (for  I  feel.  I  must 
be  brief  in  this  abstract  of  my  Log,  and  must  compress  into  a  few 
pages  Ihe  events  of  many  Months),  and  all  November  were  cruising 
about  Cape  St.  Lucas  in  quest  of  Prizes.  Christmas  we  spent  in  a 
very  dismal  manner;  for  a  Complaint,  something  akin  to  Mumps 
with  Scurvy  in  the  gums,  and  a  touch  of  Lockjaw  to  boot,  broke 
out  among  us,  and  eight  men  died.  Then  we  engaged  and  took  a 
very  big  Spaniard  out  of  Manilla,  250  tons,  and  a  very  rich  Cargo, 
mostly  in  Gold-dust  and  embroidered  Stuffs.  January  lOtli,  1748-9, 
at  anchor  at  Port  Segura;  and  here,  to  our  dismal  dismay,  we 
heard  that  Peace  had  been  proclaimed  between  Spain  and  England, 
and  that  all  our  Privateering  for  ttie  present  was  at  an  end.  Then 
to  Acapulco  in  Mexico,  seeing  if  we  could  do  some  honest  trading; 
but  at  all  the  Towns  along  the  Coast  they  looked  upon  us  as  little 
better  than  Pirates.  But  we  felt  a  little  comforted  at  the  thought 
that  we  had  already  taken  some  very  rich  Prizes,  and  my  own  part 
of  the  Plunder  was  now  over  £1500.  January  11th,  we  weighed 
from  Port  Segura,  and  ran  toward  the  Island  of  Guam.  Our 
Steward  missing  some  pieces  of  Pork,  we  immediately  searched 
and  found  the  Thieves.  One  of  them  had  been  guilty  before,  and 
forgiven  on  promise  of  Amendment;  but  was  punished  now,  lest 
Forbearance  should  encourage  the  rest  to  follow  this  bad  practice. 
Provisions  being  so  short,  and  our  run  now  so  long,  might,  with¬ 
out  great  caution,  have  brought  evil  consequences  upon  us.  They 
(the  Thieves)  were  ordered  to.  the  Main-gear,  and  every  man  of  the 
watch  to  give  ’em  a  blow  with  the  Cat-o’-nine-tails.  .On  the  14th 
February,  in  commemoration  of  the  ancient  English  customs  of 
choosing  Valentines,  a  list  was  drawn  up  of  all  the  Fair  Ladies  in 
Bristol  in  any  way  related  or  concerned  in  our  Ships;  and  all  the 
Officers  were  sent  for  to  the  Cabin,  where  every  one  drew,  and 
drank  his  Valentine’s  health  in  a  cup  of  Punch,  and  to  a  happy 
sight  of  ’em  all.  This  was  done  to  put  ’em  in  mind  of  Home. 

From  Guam,  a  very  poor  place,  and  the  Natives  uncommonly 
nasty,  we  shaped  our  course  to  Ternate;  and  about  the  2d  of  May 
saw  land,  which  we  took  for  some  of  the  Islands  lying  about  the 
N.E.  part  of  Celebes,  but  were  satisfied  soon  after  that  we  were  in 
the  Straits  of  Guiana.  18th  May  passed  several  Islands,  and  the 
South  point  of  Gillolo.  This  was  the  time  of  the  S.E.  Monsoon, 
which  made  Weather  and  Wind  very  uncertain.  May  25th  we  fell 
in  with  a  parcel  of  Islands  to  the  Eastward  of  Bouton,  an  island 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


259 


where  there  is  a  kind  of  Indian  King,  very  Savage  and  Warlike, 
and  with  a  considerable  flotilla  of  Galleys.  We  traded  with  him, 
and  made  good  profit  in  the  way  of  Barter;  for  these  Savages  will 
give  Gold  and  Goods  for  the  veriest  Trumpery  that  was  ever  picked 
up  at  a  Groat  the  handful  at  the  hucksters’  stalls  in  Barbican. 
From  Bouton  on  the  11th  June,  having  well  watered  and  pro¬ 
visioned,  and  taken  a  Native  pilot  on  board,  we  sailed  for  Batavia, 
and  on  the  30th  cast  anchor  in  the  Road  there.  We  waited  on  his 
Excellency  the  Governor-General  (for  the  States  of  Holland),  and 
begged  permission  to  refit  our  Ships,  which  was  granted.  Many 
strange  Humors  now  to  be  seen  aboard.  Some  of  the  crew  hugging 
each  other;  others  blessing  themselves  that  they  were  come  to  such 
a  glorious ,  place  for  Punch,  where  they  could  have  Arrack  for 
Eightpence  a  Gallon;  for  now  the  Labor  was  wortJi  more  than  the 
Liquor;  whereas,  a  few  weeks  since,  a  Bowl  of  Punch  was  worth 
more  to  them  than  half  the  Voyage.  Now  we  began  to  Careen, 
going  over  to  Horn  Island,  and  a  Sampan  ready  to  heave  down  by, 
and  take  in  our  Guns,  Carriages,  etc.  Several  of  our  men  fell  ill 
of  Fevers,  as  they  said,  from  drinking  the  Water  of  the  Island;  but 
as  Captain  Blokes  opined,  more  from  the  effects  of  Arrack  Punch 
at  Eightpence  a  Gallon.  All  English  ships  are  allowed  by  the 
Government  here  half  a  leaguer  of  Arrack  a  day  for  ship’s  use  per 
man;  but  boats  are  not  suffered  to  bring  the  least  thing  off  shore 
without  being  first  severely  searched.  As  to  the  town  of  Batavia, 
it  lies  in  a  bay  full  of  islands,  which  so  break  off  the  Sea  that, 
though  the  Road  is  very  large,  yet  it  is  safe.  The  Banks  of  the 
Canals  through  the  City  are  paved  with  stones  as  far  as  the  Boom, 
which  is  shut  up  every  night  at  nine  o’clock,  and  guarded  by 
Soldiers.  All  Ihe  Streets  are  very  well  built  and  inhabited;  fifteen 
of  ’em  have  Canals  just  as  in  Amsterdam  and  Rotterdam,  and  from 
end  to  end  they  reckon  fifty-six  bridges.  The  vast  number  of 
Cocoa-nut  trees  in  and  about  the  City  everywhere  afford  delightful 
and  profitable  Groves.  There  are  Hospitals,  Spin -houses,  and  so 
forth,  as  in  Holland,  where  the  idle  and  vicious  are  set  to  work, 
and,  when  need  arises,  receive  smart  Discipline.  The  Chinese  have 
also  a  large  Sick  House,  and  manage  their  charity  so  well  that  you 
never  see  a  Chinaman  looking  despicable  in  the  street.  The  Dutch 
Women  have  greater  privileges  in  India  than  in  Holland,  or,  in¬ 
deed,  anywhere  else;  for  on  slight  occasions  they  are  often  divorced 
from  their  Husbands,  and  share  the  Estate  betwixt  ’em.  A  Lawyer 
told  me  at  Batavia  he  had  known,  out  of  fifty-eight  causes,  all  de¬ 
pending  in  the  Common  Council  Chamber,  fifty-two  of  them  were 


260 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


Divorces.  The  Governor’s  Palace  of  Brick,  very  stately  and  well 
laid.  He  lives  in  as  great  splendor  as  a  King;  he  lias  a  Train  and 
Guards — viz.  a  Troop  of  Horse  and  a  Company  of  Foot  with  Hal¬ 
berds,  in  liveries  of  yellow  satin  adorned  with  silver  laces  and 
fringe — to  attend  his  Coach  when  he  goes  abroad.  His  Lady  has 
also  her  Guards  and  Train.  The  Javanese,  or  Ancient  Natives,  are 
numerous,  and  said  to  be  barbarous,  and  proud,  of  a  dark  color, 
with  flat  faces,  thin  short  Black  hair,  large  eyebrows  and  cheeks. 
The  Men  are  strong-limbed,  but  the  Women  small.  •  The  Men  have 
many  Wives,  and  are  much  given  to  lying  and  stealing.  They  are 
all  Pagans,  and  worship  Devils.  The  Women  tawny,  sprightly, 
and  Amorous,  and  very  apt  to  give  poison  to  their  Husbands  when 
they  can  do  it  cunningly.  There  are  at  least  10,000  Chinese,  who 
pay  the  Dut  ch  a  dollar  a  month  for  liberty  to  wear  their  Hair,  which 
they  are  not  allowed  to  do  at  home  since  the  Tartars  conquered 
’em.  There  come  hither  from  China  fourteen  or  sixteen  Junks  a 
year,  being  flat-bottomed  vessels.  The  Merchants  come  with  their 
goods,  and  marvelous  queer  folks  they  are.  I  don’t  think  the 
whole  City  is  as.large  as  Bristol;  but  ’tis  much  more  populous. 

October  12th.  We,  according  to  our  Owners.’  orders  to  keep  our 
Ships  full-manned,  whether  the  War  continued  or  not — and,  oh, 
how  we  curse  this  plaguy  Peace! — shipped  here  seventeen  men  that 
were  Dutch.  Though  we  looked  upon  our  hardships  as  being  now 
pretty  well  over,  several  ran  from  us  here  that  had  come  out  of 
England  with  us,  being  straggling,  lazy,  good-for-nothings,  that 
can’t  leave  their  old  Trade  of  deserting,  though  now  they  had  a 
good  sum  due  to  each  of  ’em  for  Wages.  Their  shares  for  Plunder 
of  course  were  forfeited,  and  equitably  divided  among  those  that 
stuck  by  us.  From  this  to  the  23d  we  continued  taking  in  wTood 
and  w'ater  for  our  Passage  to  the  Cape  of  Good  Hope;  and  just  be¬ 
fore  we  sailed  held  a  Council  on  board  the  “  Marquis,”  by  which 
’twas  agreed,  that  if  any  of  our  Consorts  should  happen  to  part 
company,  the  one  that  arrived  first  was  to  stay  at  the  Cape  twenty 
days;  and  then,  if  they  didn’t  find  the  other  Ships,  to  make  their 
utmost  dispatch  to  the  island  of  Helena;  and  if  not  there,  to  pro¬ 
ceed,  according  to  Owners’  orders,  to  Great  Britain. 

Nothing  particular  happened  till  the  27tli  of  December,  when  the 
“  Marquis  ”  proved  very  Leaky,  and  rare  work  we  had  at  the 
Pumps,  they  being  most  of  them  choked  up  from  long  disuse. 
December  28tli  we  came  in  sight  of  the  Lion’s  Head  and  Rump, 
being  two  Hills  over  the  Cape  Town.  Saluted  the  Dutch  fortress 
with  Nine  Guns,  and  got  but  Three  for  thanks;  it  being  surprising 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


261 


what  airs  these  Pipe-smoking,  Herring-curing,  Cheese-making, 
Twenty-breeches  Gentry  give  themselves.  29tli,  we  moored  ship, 
and  sent  our  sick  ashore.  We  stayed  here  till  the  end  of  February, 
when  we  Vent  into  Sardinia  Bay  to  Careen;  for  a  Survey  of  Carpen¬ 
ters  had  reported  very  badly  concerning  the  Leak.  27tli  February  we 
had  a  good  Rummage  for  Bale  Goods  to  dispose  of  ashore,  having 
leave  of  the  Governor,  and  provided  a  Store-house,  where  I  and  the 
Supercargo  of  the  “  Delight  ”  took  it  by  turns  weekly  during  the 
sale  of  ’em.  28th  March  came  in  a  Portugee  frigate,  with  news 
that  Five  stout  French  Ships  had  attempted  Rio  Janeiro,  but  were 
repulsed,  and  had  a  great  number  of  men  killed,  with  over  400 
taken  prisoners  by  the  Portuguese. 

April  5  th  wre  hoisted  a  Blue  Ensign,  loosened  our  Fore -Topsail, 
and  fired  a  Gun  as  a  Signal  for  our  Consorts  to  unmoor,  and  so  fell 
down  to  Robin  and  Penguin  Islands. 

Memorandum. — We  buried  four  while  at  the  Cape;  eight  ran 
away  to  be  eaten  up,  as  we  heartily  hoped,  by  the  Hottentots,  who 
have  a  great  gusto  for  White  Man’s  Flesh;  but  reject  Negroes  as 
too  strong  and  Aromatic;  to  say  little  of  the  major  number  of  our 
Ships’  Companies  getting  Married  to  Black  Wenches.  But  there’s 
no  Doctors’  Commons  at  Cape  Town;  and  the  best  Way  of  Divorce 
is  by  shoving  off  a  boat  from  Shore,  and  leaving  your  Wife  behind 
you.  Item.  The  Dutch  generally  send  a  Ship  every  year  to  Mada¬ 
gascar  for  Slaves  to  supply  their  Plantations;  for  the  said  beastly 
Hottentots  love  their  Liberty  and  Ease  so  much,  that  they  can  not 
be  brought  to  work,  even  though  they  should  Starve  (which  they 
do  pretty  well  all  the  year  round)  for  the  lack  of  it.  Here,  too,  wre 
spoke  with  an  Englishman  and  an  Irishman,  that  had  been  several 
years  with  the  famous  Madagascar  Pirates,  but  were  now  pardoned, 
and  allowed  to  settle  here.  They  told  us  that  these  Miserable 
Wretches,  who  once  made  such  a  Noise  in  the  World,  dwindled 
away  one  by  one,  most  of  them  very  poor  and  despicable,  even  to 
the  Natives,  among  whom  they  had  Married.  They  added,  that, 
they  had  no  Embarkations,  only  mere  Canoes  and  Rowboats  in 
Madagascar;  so  that  these  Pirates  (so  long  a  terrible  Bugbear  to 
peaceable  Merchantmen)  are  now  become  so  inconsiderable  as  to  be 
scarcely  worth  mentioning;  yet  I  do  think  that  if  care  be  not  al¬ 
ways  taken  after  a  Peace  to  clear  all  out-of-the-way  Islands  of  these 
piratical  Vermin,  and  hinder  others  from  joining  them,  it  may 
prove  a  Temptation  for  loose  scampish  Fellows  to  resort  thither, 
and  make  every  Creek  in  the  Southern  Seas  a  troublesome  nest  of 
Freebooters. 


262 


CAPTAIN-  DANGEROUS. 


The  Cape  having  been  so  frequently  described,  I  shall  only  add 
that  the  Character  of  the  Hottentots,  at  which  I  have  hinted,  has 
been  found  to  be  too  True,  and  that  they  scarce  deserve  to  be  reck¬ 
oned  of  the  Human  Kind;  they  are  such  a  nasty,  ill -looking,  and 
worse-smelling  people.  Their  Apparel  is  the  Skins  of  Beasts;  their 
chief  Ornament  is  to  be  very  Greasy  and  Black;  so  that  they  be¬ 
smear  themselves  with  an  abominable  Oil,  mixed  with  Tallow  and 
-  Soot;  and  the  Women  twist  the  Entrails  of  Beasts  or  Thongs  of 
Hides  round  their  legs,  which  resemble  Rolls  of  Tobacco.  Here’s 
plenty,  however,  of  all  kinds  of  Flesh  and  Fowl;  there’s  nothing 
wanting  at  the  Cape  of  Good  Hope  for  a  good  subsistence;  nor  is 
there  any  place  more  Commodious  for  a  Retirement  to  such  as 
would  be  out  of  the  Noise  of  the  World,  than  the  adjacent  country 
in  the  possession  of  the  Dutch. 

Nothing  of  note  happened  till  May  1st,  only  that  sometimes  we 
had  Thunder,  Lightning,  Rain,  and  Squalls  of  Wind.  On  the  7th 
we  made  the  Island  of  Ascension,  S.  Lat.  8*2.  On  the  14th  at  noon 
we  found  we  had  just  crossed  the  Equator,  being  the  eighth  time 
we  had  done  so  in  our  course  round  the  World.  We  had  a  Dutch 
Squadron  with  us,  who  expected  Convoy  Rates,  and  all  manner  of 
Civilities  from  us,  though  there  was  now  Peace,  and  we  wanted 
nothing  from  ’em;  but  ’tis  always  the  way  with  this  Grasping  and 
Avaricious  People.  Soon  too  we  observed  that  the  Dutch  ships 
began  to  scrape  and  clean  their  sides,  painting  and  polishing  and 
beeswaxing  ’em  inside  and  out,  bending  new  sails,  and  the  very 
Mariners  putting  on  half  a  dozen  pair  of  new  breeches  apiece.  This 
it  is  their  custom  to  do  as  they  draw  near  home;  so  that  they  look 
as  if  newly  come  out  of  Holland. 

On  the  morning  of  the  15th  July  we  made  Fair  Island  and  Foul 
Island,  lying  off  Shetland;  and  sighted  two  or  three  Fishing  Dog¬ 
gers  cruising  off  the  Islands.  Having  little  wind,  we  lay  by,  and 
the  Inhabitants  came  off  with  what  Provisions  they  had;  but  they 
are  a  very  poor  people,  wild  and  savage,  subsisting  chiefly  on  Fish. 
When  that  provision  fails,  I  have  heard  they  live  on  Sea- weed. 

We  being,  so  to  speak,  in  charge,  although  unwillingly,  of  the 
Dutch  Squadron,  which  had  been  willy-nilly  our  Convoy,  were 
compelled  to  put  into  a  port  of  Holland  instead  of  into  a  British  one, 
as  we  had  fondly  hoped-.  On  the  23d  July  the  Dutch  Commodore 
made  a  signal  for  seeing  Land,  and  the  whole  fleet  answered  him 
with  all  their  colors.  The  Pilot-boat  coming  off,  we  took  two 
aboard,  and  about  noon  parted  with  some  of  our  Dutch  Consorts 
that  were  Rotterdam  and  Middleburg  ships.  We  gave  ’em  a  Huz- 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


263 


zah  and  a  half  in  derision,  and  our  Trumpet  and  Hautboy  were  for 
striking  up  the  Rogue’s  March;  but  this  was  forbidden  by  the 
Sagacious  Captain  Blokes.  Some  English  ships  now  hove  in  sight, 
and  saluted  the  Dutch  Commodore;  and  afterward  we,  though  with 
an  ill  grace,  saluted  his  Worship  to  welcome  in  sight  of  the  land, 
which  by  right  belongs  to  the  Rats  (though  I  have  little  doubt  that 
for  all  the  Vandykes  and  Vandams  the  long- whiskered  Gentry  will 
come  to  their  own  again  som.e  of  these  fine  days).  As  soon  as  they 
got  over  the  Bar  the  Dutchmen  fired  all  their  guns  for  joy  at  their 
safe  arrival  in  their  own  country,  which  they  very  affectionately 
call  Fatherland;  and,  indeed,  it  was  not  easy  under  these  circum¬ 
stances  to  be  angry  with  the  Poor  Souls  that  had  been  so  long  at 
Sea  and  wandering  about  Strange  Lands.  At  8  at  night  we  came 
to  an  Anchor  in  6-fathom  water,  about  2  miles  off  shore. 

On  the  24tli,  in  the  morning,  the  Dutch  Flag-ship  weighed,  in 
order  to  go  up  to  the  unlivering  place.  In  the  Afternoon  Captain 
Blokes  sent  me  ashore,  and  up  to  Amsterdam,  with  a  letter  for  our 
Owners’  Agents,  to  ask  how  we  were  to  act  and  proceed  from 
hence.  Coming  back  with  instructions  from  the  Agent  (one  Mr. 
Vandepeereboom,  who  made  me  lialf-fuddled  with  Schiedam  drink¬ 
ing  to  our  prosperous  return;  but  he  was  a  very  Civil  Gentleman, 
speaking  English  to  admiration,  and  had  a  monstrous  pretty  House¬ 
keeper,  with  eyes  as  bright  as  her  own  Pots  and  Pans),  by  Consent 
of  our  Council  we  discharged  such  men  as  we  had  shipped  at  Batavia 
and  the  Cape,  and  sold  the  half  dozen  Negroes  we  had  from  time  to 
time  picked  up  for  about  a  Hundred  Dollars  apiece.  But  this  last 
had  to  be  managed  by  private  Contract,  and  somewhat  under  the 
Rose;  for  their  High  Mightinesses,  the  States-General,  allow  no 
Slaves  to  be  sold  openly  in  Amsterdam. 

On  the  ICth  we  went  up  the  Vlieder,  which  is  a  better  Road  than 
the  Texel,  and  then  to  Amsterdam  again,  where  Captain  Blokes  and 
his  chief  officers  had  to  make  Affidavits  before  a  Notary  Public  to 
the  truth  of  an  Abstract  of  our  Voyage,  the  "Which  I  had  drawn  up 
from  the  Log  of  the  “  Marquis,”  to  justify  our  proceedings  to  our 
own  Government  in  answer  to  what  the  East  India  Company  had 
to  allege  against  us;  they  being,  as  we  were  informed,  resolved  to 
trouble  us  on  pretense  that  we  had  Encroached  upon  their  Charter. 
On  the  31st  of  August  comes  Mr.  Vandepeereboom  on  board  to 
take  Account  of  what  Plate,  Gold,  and  Pearl  was  in  the  Ship;  and 
on  the  5tli  September  he  took  his  leave  of  us. 

But  not  of  me;  for  as  I  had  been  much  with  him  ever  since  we 
had  lain  at  Amsterdam,  we  had  become  great  Chums,  and  he  had 


364 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


persuaded  me  not  to  return  just  yet  to  England,  but  to  remain  with 
him  in  Holland,  and  become  his  partner  in  Mercantile  Adventure, 
that  should  not  necessitate  my  going  to  Sea  again.  And  by  this 
time,  to  tell  truth,  I  was  heartily  sick  of  being  Tossed  and  Tumbled 
about  by  the  Waves.  No  man  could  say  that  I  had  not  done  my 
Duty  during  my  momentous  Voyage  round  the  World.  I  had 
worked  as  hard  as  any  Moose  on  board  the  “  Marquis,”  doing 
hand- work  and  head-work  as  well.  I  had  been  Wounded,  had  had 
two  Fevers  and  one  bout  of  Scurvy;  but  was  seldom  in  such  evil 
case  as  to  shirk  either  my  Duty  or  my  Grog.  I  prudently  redoubted 
the  Chances  of  returning  in  haste  to  mv  native  Country;  for,  al¬ 
though  being  alone  in  the  world,  and  the  marriage  with  ^Madame 
Taffetas  not  provable  in  Law,  with  no  other  Domestic  Troubles  to 
grieve  me,  I  knew  from  long  Experience  what  Ducks  and  Drakes 
Seafaring  men  do  make  of  their  money  coming  home  from  a  long 
voyage  with  their  heads  empty  and  their  pockets  full,  and  was  de¬ 
termined  that  what  I  had  painfully  gathered  from  the  uttermost 
Ends  of  the  Earth  should  not  be  riotously  and  unprofitably  squan¬ 
dered  in  the  Taverns  of  Wapping  and  Rotherhithe.  Mr.  Vande- 
peereboom  entering  with  me  into  the  State  of  his  Affairs,  proved  as 
far  as  Ledger  and  Cashbook  could  prove  anything,  that  he  was  in  a 
most  prosperous  way  of  business,  in  the  Dutch  East  India  trade,  of 
which  by  this  time  I  knew  something;  so  that,  although  Captain 
Blokes  was  loath  to  part  with  his  old  Shipmate  and  Secretary,  he 
was  yet  glad  to  see  me  better  myself.  And  in  truth  Mr.  Vande- 
peereboom’s  Housekeeper  was  marvelous  pretty.  I  drew  my  Pay 
and  Allowances,  which  amounted  to  but  a  small  matter;  but  to  my 
great  Joy  and  Gladness  I  found  that  my  share  of  the  Plunder  from 
our  Prizes  and  the  Ransom  of  Guayaquil  came  to  Twenty  Hundred 
Pounds.  The  order  for  this  sum  was  duly  transferred  to  me,  and 
lodged  to  my  Account  in  the  Bank  of  Amsterdam,  then  the  most 
famous  Corporation  of.  Cofferers  (since  that  of  Venice  began  to  de¬ 
cline)  in  Europe.  I  bade  farewell  to  Captain  Blokes  and  all  my 
Messmates;  left  Twenty  Pounds  to  be  divided  among  the  Ship’s 
Company  (for  which  they  manned  Shrouds  and  gave  me  three  Huz¬ 
zas  as  the  Shoreboat  put  off);  and  after  a  last  roaring  Carouse  on 
board  the  “Marquis,”  gave  up  for  Ever  my  berth  in  the  gallant 
Craft  in  which  I  had  sailed  round  the  World. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEKOUS. 


265 


CHAPTER  THE  TWENTY-FIRST. 

OF  THE  SINGULAR  MISFORTUNES  WHICH  BEFELL  ME  IN  HOLLAND. 

’T  was  no  such  very  bad  Title  fora  Mercantile  Firm,  “  Vande- 
peereboom  &  Dangerous.”  Aha,  Rogues!  will  you  call  me  Pauper, 
Cardsharper,  Led-Captain,  Halfpenny  Jack,  now?  Who  but  I  was 
Mynheer  Jan  van  Dangerous?  (I  took  my  Gentility  out  of  my 
Trunk,  as  the  Spanish  Don  did  his  Sword  tvhen  the  Sun  shone  and 
there  were  Pistoles  galore,  and  added  the  Van  as  a  prefix  to  which 
I  was  entitled  by  Lineage.)  Who  but  I  was  a  wealthy  and  pros¬ 
perous  Merchant  of  Amsterdam,  the  richest  city  in  Holland?  Soon 
was  I  well  known  and  Capped  to,  as  one  that  could  order  Wine, 
and  pay  for  it,  at  the  sign  of  the  Amsterdammer  Wappen,  the  great 
Inn  here. 

Although  ’tis  now  nigh  thirty  years  since,  I  do  preserve  the  pleas¬ 
antest  remembrance  of  my  life  in  the  Low  Countries;  for,  albeit 
hating  the  Dutch  when  I  was  Poor,  I  grew  to  like  ’em  as  a  repu¬ 
table  Merchant  Adventurer.  ’Twas  but  a  small  matter  prevented 
me  from  setting  up  my  Carriage,  and  was  only  hindered  by  the  fact 
that  the  Police  Laws  of  Amsterdam  are  very  strict  against  Wheeled 
Coaches,  allowing  only  a  certain  and  very  small  number,  lest  the 
rumbling  of  the  Wheels  should  disturb  the  good  thrifty  Burghers 
at  their  Accounts.  For  most  vehicles  they  have  what  they  call  a 
Sley,  which  is  the  body  of  a  Coach  fastened  on  to  a  Sledge  with 
ropes,  and  drawn  by  one  Horse.  A  Fellow  walks  by  the  side  on’t, 
and  holds  on  with  one  hand  to  prevent  its  falling  over,  while  with 
the  other  he  manages  the  Reins,  A  most  melancholy  Machine  this, 
moving  at  the  rate  of  about  Three  miles  an  hour,  and  makes  you 
think  that  you  are  in  a  Hospital  Conveyance,  or  else  going  on  a 
Hurdle  to  be  Hanged,  Drawn,  and  Quartered. 

This  Amsterdam  is  the  famous  town  built  upon  Wooden  Piles,  as 
is  also  Petersburg,  and  in  some  order  Venice;  and,  from  its  Timber 
supports,  gave  rise  to  the  sportive  saying  of  Erasmus  when  he  first 
came  hither,  that  he  had  reached  a  City  where  the  Citizens  lived, 
like  Crows,  upon  the  tops  of  Trees.  And  again  he  waggishly  com¬ 
pared  Amsterdam  to  a  maimed  Soldier,  as  having  Wooden  Legs. 
This  Erasmus  was,  I  conjecture,  a  kind  of  School-master,  and  very 
learned;  but  conceited,  as  are  most  Bookish  Persons. 


266 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


A  Dutchman  will  save  anything;  and  this  rich  place  has  all  come 
out  of  saving  the  Mud  and  starving  the  Fishes.  Here  Traffic  is 
wooed  as  though  she  were  a  Woman,  and  Gold  is  put  to  bed  with 
Time,  and  there  is  much  joy  over  their  Bantling,  which  is  chris. 
tened  Interest.  A  strange,  cleanly,  money-grubbing  Country  of 
Botanic  Gardens  and  Spitting-pans,  universal  Industry  and  Tobacco- 
pipes,  Gingerbread  and  Sawing-mills,  Tulip-roots  and  the  Strong 
Waters  of  Schiedam,  Cheese,  Red  Herrings,  and  the  Protestant  Re¬ 
ligion.  Peculiar  to  these  People  is  the  functionary  called  the 
Aansprecker,  a  kind  of  human  Bird  of  Evil  Omen,  who  goes  about 
In  a  long  Black  Gown  and  a  monstrous  Cocked  Hat  with  a  Crape 
depending  from  it,  to  inform  the  Friends  and  Acquaintances  of  Gen¬ 
teel  Persons  of  any  one  being  Dead.  This  Aansprecker  pays  very 
handsome  Compliments  to  the  Departed,  at  so  many  Stuyvers  the 
Ounce  of  Butter;  and  this  saves  the  Dutch  (who  are  very  frugal 
toward  their  Dead)  from  telling  Lies  upon  their  Tombstones.  When 
a  Man  quits,  they  wind  up  his  Accounts,  strike  a  Balance,  and  go 
on  to  a  fresh  Folio  in  the  Ledger,  without  carrying  anything  for¬ 
ward.  At  Marriage-time  also,  it  is  the  custom  among  Persons  of 
Figure  for  the  Bride  and  Bridegroom  to  send  round  Bottles  of 
Wine,  generally  fine  Hock,  well  spiced  and  sugared,  and  adorned 
with  all  sorts  of  Ribbons.  They  have  also  a  singular  mode  of  air¬ 
ing  their  Linen  and  Beds,  by  means  of  what  they  call  a  Trokenkorb, 
or  Fire-basket,  which  is  of  the  size  and  shape  of  a  Magpie’s  Cage, 
and  within  it  is  a  pan  filled  with  burning  Turf,  and  the  Linen  is 
spread  over  the  Wicker-frame;  or,  to  air  the  Bed,  the  whole  Machine 
is  placed  between  the  Sheets.  Nay,  there  are  sundry  Dowager 
Fraus  who  do  warm  their  Legs  with  this  same  Trokenkorb,  using  it 
as  though  it  were  a  Footstool;  and  considering  the  quantity  of  Lin- 
sey  Wolsey  they  wear,  I  wonder  there  are  not  more  Fires.  To 
guard  against  this  last,  there  are  Persons  appointed  whose  office  it 
is  to  remain  all  day  and  all  night  in  the  Steeples  of  the  Highest 
Churches;  and  as  soon  as  they  spy  a  Flame,  they  hang  out  a  Flag 
if  it’s  Day,  or  a  Lantern  if  at  Night,  toward  the  quarter  where  the 
Fire  is,  blowing  a  Trumpet  lustily  meanwhile. 

Eating  and  Drinking  here  very  good,  save  the  Water,  which  is  so 
Brackish  that  it  is  not  drank  even  1))'  the  Common  People.  There 
are  Water-Merchants  constantly  occupied  in  supplying  the  City 
with  drinkable  Water,  which  they  bring  in  Boats  from  Utrecht  and 
Germany  in  large  Stone  Bottles,  that  cost  you  about  Eiglitpence 
apiece  English.  The  Poor,  who  can  not  afford  it,  drink  Rain-water, 
which  gives  rise  to  the  merry  saying,  that  a  Dutchman’s  Mouth  is 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


267 


forever  open,  either  to  swallow  down  Smoke  or  to  drink  up  Rain. 
And  indeed  they  are  a  wide-gaping  Generation. 

Being  as  yet  a  Bachelor,  I  agreed  for  my  Lodging  and  Victuals 
with  Mr.  Vandepeereboom,  who  had  a  fair  House,  very  stately,  on 
one  of  the  Canals  behind  the  Heeren  Gragt,  or  Lord’s  Street. 
’T would  have  had  quite  a  princely  appearance:,  but  for  a  row  of 
Elms  in  front,  which,  with  their  fan,  almost  concealed  the  Mansion. 
The  noble  look  of  the  House,  too,  was  somewhat  spoiled  by  its  be¬ 
ing  next  door  to  a  shop  where  they  sold  Drugs;  which,  like  all 
others  of  this  trade  in  Holland,  had  for  a  sign  a  huge  Carved  Head, 
with  the  mouth  wide  open,  in  front  of  the  window;  sometimes  it 
rudely  resembles  a  Mercury’s  Head,  and  at  other  times  has  a  Fool’s 
Cap  upon  it.  This  clumsy  sign  is  called  de  Gaaper — the  Gaper — 
and  I  know  not  the  origin  of  it.  Some  of  the  Shop-boards  they  call 
Uithang  Borden,  and  have  ridiculous  Verses  written  upon  them; 
and  ’ tis  singular  to  mark  how  much  of  the  Jackpudding  these 
Dutchmen,  who  are  keener  than  Jews  in  their  Cash  matters,  have 
in  them. 

Mr.  Vandepeereboom  was  high  in  the  College  of  Magistrates,  and 
I  was  ofttimes  privileged  to  witness  with  him  the  administration  of 
Justice  and  the  infliction  of  its  Dread  Awards — all  here  very  Decent 
and  Solemn.  The  Awful  Sentence  of  Death  is  delivered  in  a  room 
on  the  basement-floor  of  the  Stadt  House;  the  entrance  through  a 
massy  folding-door  covered  with  brass  Emblems,  such  as  Jove’s 
Beams  of  Lightning,  and  Flaming  Swords;  above,  between  the 
Rails,  are  the  old  and  new  City  Arms;  and  at  the  bottom  are  Death’s 
Heads  and  Bones.  The^  inside  of  the  Hall,  mighty  handsome,  in 
while  Marble,  and  proper  History  pieces  of  the  Judgment  of  Solo¬ 
mon,  and  Zeleucus  the  Locrian  King  tearing  out  one  of  his  Eyes  to 
save  one  of  his  Son’s,  and  Junius  Brutus  putting  his  children  to 
Death.  On  the  fore  part  of  the  Judgment-seat  a  fine  Marble  Statue 
of  Silence,  gallantly,  but  quite  falsely,  represented  by  the  figure  of 
a  Woman  on  the  ground,  her  finger  to  her  lips,  and  two  Children 
by  her,  Weeping  over  a  Death’s  Head.  When  the  dire  Doom  of 
Death  is  about  to  be  pronounced,  the  Criminal  is  brought  into  this 
Hall,  guarded;  and  nothing  is  omitted  in  point  of  solemnity  to  im¬ 
press  on  his  mind  (poor  wretch!)  and  on  those  about  him  the  awful 
consequences  of  violating  the  Laws  of  the  Country;  which  is  a 
much  better  mode,  I  think,  of  striking  Terror  into ’em  than  the 
French  way,  where  the  Magistrates  settle  the  Sentence  among  them¬ 
selves  in  private,  and  the  Greffier  comes  all  of  a  sudden  into  the  un¬ 
happy  Person’s  Cell  to  tell  him  that  he  is  to  be  presently  Executed; 


268 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


or  even  our  Old  Bailey  fasliion  (though  the  Black  Cap  is  frightful), 
where  the  Culprit  is  more  or  less  sent  to  Hang  like  a  Dog — one 
down,  another  come  up;  and  Jack  Ketch  Drunk  all  the  while  with 
burned  Brandy.  ’Twas  a  thorough  knowledge  of  Human  Nature, 
too,  that  thought  of  placing  this  Dutch  Hall  of  Justice  on  the 
ground-floor,  and  its  Brazen  Door  opening  into  a  common  Thor¬ 
oughfare  through  the  Stadt  House.  I  never  passed  by  this  door 
without  seeing  numbers  of  the  Lower  Orders  of  people  gazing  wist¬ 
fully  through  the  Rails  upon  the  Emblematic  objects  within,  ap¬ 
parently  in  Melancholy  Meditation,  and  reflecting  upon  the  Igno¬ 
minious  Effects  of  deviating  from  the  Paths  of  Yirtue. 

Out  of  the  Burgomaster’s  Parlor  in  the  same  building  is  a  passage 
to  the  Execution  Chamber,  or  Hall  of  the  Last  Prayers,  where  the 
Condemned  take  leave  of  their  Priest,  and  pass  through  a  Window, 
the  lower  part  of  Wood,  so  that  it  opens  level  with  the  floor  of  the 
Scaffold,  which  is  constructed  on  the  outside,  opposite  the  Waag, 
or  Weigh  House. 

As  associate  of  one  of  the  Magistrates,  I  often  visited  the  Dun¬ 
geons  beneath  the  Stadt  House,  which  are  hermetically  Sealed  unto 
ail  Strangers.  As  places  of  Confinement,  nothing  can  be  more 
secure;  as  places  of  Punishment,  nothing  more  Horrible.  Here,  by 
the  faint  light  of  a  Rush  Candle  you  gaze  only  on  Emaciated  Fig¬ 
ures,  while  out  of  the  Dark  Shadows  issue  faint  but  dismal  Groans. 
Some  are  here  condemned  to  linger  for  Life:  yet  have  I  known  con¬ 
victed  Creatures  in  this  Rat’s  hole  as  merry  as  French  Dancing- 
Masters,  whistling,  trolling,  and  gamboling  in  the  Dark;  while  in 
the  next  cell  were  a  number  of  Women,  who,  like  the  general  of 
their  sex  when  in  Durance,  did  nothing  but  Yell  and  tear  their 
Clothes  to  Pieces.  But  ’tis  true  that  all  confined  in  these  dreadful 
places  had  committed  crimes  of  a  very  malignant  nature,  and  which 
heartily  warranted  their  being  thus  cut  off  from  Light  and  Air, 
and  immured  in  Regions  fit  only  to  be  Receptacles  for  the  Dead. 
Under  the  Hall  of  Justice  is  likewise  the  Torture  Chamber,  where 
Miserable  Creatures,  at  the  bidding  of  their  Barbarous  Judges,  un¬ 
dergo  a  variety  of  Torments;  one  of  which  is  to  fasten  the  Hands 
behind  the  Neck  with  a  cord  through  pulleys  secured  to  the  vaulted 
Ceiling,  so  as  to  be  jerked  up  and  down.  Weights  of  Fifty  Pounds 
each  are  then  suspended  to  the  Feet,  until  anguish  overpowers  the 
senses,  and  a  Confession  of  Guilt  is  heard  to  quiver  on  the  lips. 
Public  Punishments  are  inflicted  only  Four  Times  a  A  ear,  when  a 
vast  Scaffold  is  erected  in  the  space  between  the  Stadt  House  and 
Waag  House,  as  before  mentioned.  Those  that  are  only  to  be 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


200 


Whipped  endure  that  compliment  with  Merciless  Severity,  and  are 
not  permitted  to  Retire  till  those  who  are  to  Die  have  suffered, 
which  is  either  by  Decapitation  or  by  the  Rope.  And  this  acts  as  a 
Warning  as  to  what  will  happen  to  ’em  next  time.  On  this  occasion 
the  Chief  Magistrates  attend  in  their  Robes.  But  though  Strict, 
the}'  are  mighty  Just  in  administering  their  Laws,  and  will  not  per¬ 
mit  the  least  deviation  or  aggravation  of  the  Sentence  meted  out.  I 
did  hear  of  one  jocular  Rogue,  thal  was  condemned,  for  the  murder 
of  half  a  dozen  women  and  children,  to  have  his  Head  severed  from 
the  Trunk  at  one  stroke  of  the  Sword.  This  Mynheer  Merry- 
Andrew,  previous  to  quitting  the  Prayer-Chamber,  lays  a  Wager 
with  a  Friend  that  the  Executioner  should  not  be  able  to  perform 
his  office  according  to  the  exact  terms  of  the  Sentence.  So,  the 
moment  he  knelt  to  receive  the  Fatal  Stroke,  he  rolled  his  Head  in 
every  direction  so  violently  and  rapidly,  that  the  Headsman  could 
not  hit  him  with  any  chance  of  severing  his  Neck  at  once;  and  after 
many  fruitless  aims,  was  obliged  to  renounce  the  Task.  The 
Officers  who  were  to  see  the  Sentence  executed  were  now  in  a  Great 
Dilemma.  In  vain  did  they  try  by  argument  to  persuade  the  Fel¬ 
low  to  remain  still,  and  have  his  Head  quietly  taken  off.  At  last 
he  was  remanded  back  to  Prison,  and  after  an  hour’s  deliberation 
the  Presiding  Magistrate,  upon  his  own  Responsibility,  ordered  the 
Gallows  to  be  brought  out,  and  the  Fellow  to  be  straightway  Hanged 
thereupon;  which  was  done,  to  the  conlentment  of  the  Populace, 
who  were  howling  with  Rage  at  the  fear  of  being  deprived  of  their 
Sport.  But  the  straitlaced  Dutch  Judges  and  Lawyers  all  took 
alarm,  and  declared  that  the  Fellow  had  been  murdered;  and  noth¬ 
ing  but  the  high  rank  and  character  of  the  Magistrate  preserved 
him  from  grievous  consequences.  * 

They  observe,  however,  degrees  in  their  Punishments,  and  are, 
even  in  extreme  cases,  averse  from  Bloodshed,  and  willing  to  try 
all  ways  with  a  criminal  before  Hanging  or  Beheading  him.  Thus 
have  they  their  famous  Rasphuys  for  the  Confinement  and  Correc¬ 
tion  of  those  whose  Crimes  are  not  capital.  Over  the  Gate  are  some 
insignificant  painted  wooden  figures,  representing  Rogues  sawing 
Log- wood,  and  Justice  holding  a  Rod  over  them;  and  the  like  of 
these,  with  figures  of  scourging  and  branding,  they  stick  up  in  their 
Public  Walks  and  Gardens,  to  show  what  is  Done  to  those  who 
pluck  the  Flowers  or  carve  Names  upon  the  Trunks  of  the  Trees, 
and  it  has  a  most  wholesome  effect  in  frightening  Evil-doers.  So 
in  the  Yard  of  the  Rasphuys  is  a  Whipping-post  in  Terrorem,  with 
another  little  figure  of  Justice  flagrant  with  Execution.  Here  the 


270 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


Rogues  saw  Campeachy-wood,  which  seems  to  he  most  toilsome  work; 
and  yet  by  practice  they  can  saw  Two  Hundred  Pounds’  weight 
every  week  with  ease,  and  also  make  many  little  Articles  in  Straw, 
Wood,  Bone,  and  Copper,  to  sell  to  Visitors.  They  are  all  clad  in 
White  Woolen,  which,  when  they  are  stained  with  the  Red  Saw¬ 
dust,  gives  them  a  Hobgoblin  kind  of  appearance.  Here  too,  in  a 
corner  of  the  Yard,  they  show  the  Cell  in  which  if  the  person  who 
was  confined  in  it  did  not  incessantly  Pump  out  the  Water  let  into 
it,  he  must  inevitably  be  Drowned;  but  this  Engine,  the  Jailers 
said,  had  not  been  used  for  many  Years,  and  was  only  kept  up  as 
an  object  of  Terror. 

In  the  east  quarter  of  Amsterdam,  Justice  is  administered  in  its 
mildest  form;  there  being  the  Workhouse  close  to  the  Muider 
Gragt,  a  place  which,  I  believe,  lias  not  its  parallel  in  the  whole 
World.  ’Tis  partly  Correctional  and  partly  Charitable;  and  when 
I  sawT  it,  there  were  Seven  Hundred  and  Fifty  Persons  within  the 
Walls,  the  yearly  expense  being  about  One  Hundred  Thousand 
Florins.  In  the  rooms  belonging  to  the  Governors  and  Directresses 
some  exquisite  Paintings  by  Van  Dyck,  Rembrandt,  and  Jordaens; 
and,  indeed,  you  can  go  scarcely  anywhere  in  Holland,  from  a  Pig¬ 
sty  to  a  Palace,  without  finding  Paintings.  Here,  in  a  vast  room 
very  cleanly  kept,  are  an  immense  number  of  Women  occupied  in 
Sewing  and  Spinning.  Among  them  I  saw  once  a  fine  hearty-look¬ 
ing  Irishwoman,  who  had  been  Confined  here  two  whole  Years,  for 
being  a  little  more  fond  of  true  Schiedam  Gin  than  her  lawful 
Spouse.  In  another  vast  Apartment,  secured  by  many  Iron  Railings 
and  Grated  Windows,  are  tlie  Female  Convicts  in  the  highest  state 
of  Discipline,  and  very  industriously  and  silently  engaged  in  mak¬ 
ing  Lace,  under  the  Superintendence  of  a  Governess.  From  the 
Walls  of  the  Room  are  suspended  Instruments  of  Punishment,  such 
as  Scourges,  Gags,  and  Manacles,  the  which  are  not  spared  upon 
the  slightest  appearance  of  Insubordination.  Then  there  are  Wards 
for  the  Men;  School-rooms  for  a  vast  number  of  Children;  and 
Dormitories,  all  in  Ihe  highest  state  of  Neatness.  In  another  part 
of  the  Building,  which  only  the  Magistrates  are  permitted  to  visit, 
are  usually  detained  ten  or  a  dozen  Young  Ladies — some  of  very 
high  Families — sent  here  by  their  Parents  or  Friends  for  undutiful 
Deportment,  or  some  other  Domestic  Offense.  They  are  compelled 
to  wear  a  particular  Dress  as  a  mark  of  Degradation;  are  kept  apart; 
forced  to  work  a  certain  number  of  hours  a  day;  and  are  occasion¬ 
ally  Whipped.  Here,  too,  upon  complaints  of  Extravagance,  Tip¬ 
siness,  eto.,  duly  proved,  can  Husbands  send  their  Wives,  to  be  con- 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


271 


fined  and  receive  the  Discipline  of  the  House;  and  hither,  too ,  can 
Wives  send  their  Husbands  for  the  same  Cause,  for  Two,  Three,  and 
Four  Years  together,  till  they  show  signs  of  amended  Behavior.  The 
Food  is  abundant  and  good;  but  the  Work  is  hard,  and  the  Stripes 
are  many.  Might  not  such  a  course  be  tried  with  advantage  in 
England,  to  abate  and  cure  the  frivolities  and  extravagances  of 
Fashionable  People? 

So  then7  as  an  Honorable  Merchant  in  a  city  and  country  where 
Commerce  is  reckoned  among  the  noblest  of  Pursuits,  I  might,  but 
for  my  Perverse  Fate,  have  grown  Rich,  and  taken  unto  myself  a 
Dutch  Wife,  and  had  a  Brood  of  little  Broad-beamed  Children,  that 
should  smoke  their  Tobacco  and  quaff  their  Schiedam,  even  from 
their  Ciadle  upward.  Indeed,  Madame  Vanderkipperhaerin  of 
Gouda  (the  place  where  the  Cows  feed  in  the  Meadows  clad  in  Blue- 
striped  Jackets  and  Petticoats)  was  pleased  to  look  upon  me  with 
Eyes  of  Favor,  and  often  said  it  was  a  Sin  and  Shame  that  such  a 
Proper  Man  as  I  (as  she  was  good  enough  to  say)  was  not  Married 
and  Settled.  And,  indeed,  why  not?  I  ofttimes  asked  myself.  I 
had  Florins,  Guilders,  and  Stuyvers  in  abundance;  my  Partner  was 
a  Magistrate,  and  well  reputed  worthy;  why  should  I  not  give 
Hostages  to  Fortune,  and  have  done  for  good  and  all  with  the  Life 
of  a  Roving  Bachelor?  By  this  time  (although  by  no  means  for¬ 
getting  my  own  dear  native  Tongue)  1  spoke  French  with  Ease  and 
Fluency,  if  not  with  Grammatical  correctness;  and  had  likewise  an 
indifferently  copious  acquaintance  with  the  Hollands  Dialect. 
Why  should  not  I  be  a  Magistrate,  a  Burgomaster?  Madame  Van¬ 
derkipperhaerin  was  Rich,  and  had  a  beautiful  Summer  Villa  all 
glistening  with  Bee’s-waxed  Campeachy-wood  and  Polished  Brass 
on  the  River  Amstel,  some  three  miles  from  the  City.  She  had  a 
whole  Cabinet  full  of  Ostades  and  Jan  Steens  in  ebony  frames,  and 
a  Sideboard  of  Antique  Plate  that  might  have  made  Cranbourn 
Alley  jealous.  Why  did  not  I  avail  myself  of  the  many  Propitious 
Moments  that  offered,  and  demand  the  Hand  of  that  most  respect¬ 
able  Dutch  Dame? 

The  Melancholy  Truth  is,  that  she  chose  to  be  jealous  of  Betje, 
Mr.  Vandepeereboom’s  comely  Housekeeper,  upon  whom  I  declare 
that  I  had  never  cast  anything  but  innocently  Paternal  Glances,  and 
utterly  deny  that!  ever  foregathered  with  that  young  Frau.  She 
was  for  moving  Mr.  Vandepeereboom  to  have  Betje  sent  to  the 
Workhouse,  there  to  be  set  to  Spinning,  and  to  receive  the  usual 
unhandsome  Treatment;  and  when  he  refused — having,  in  truth, 
no  fault  to  find  with  the  Poor  Girl — Madame,  in  a  Huff,  withdrew 


272 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


her  Countenance  and  Favor  from  me,  and,  with  sundry  of  her 
spiteful  gossips,  revived  the  old  Story  of  my  having  several  Wives 
alive  in  different  parts  of  Europe  and  the  New  World.  Surely  there 
was  never  yet  a  man  so  exposed  to  calumny  as  poor  John  Dangerous! 

Then,  to  make  matters  worse,  there  came  that  sad  Affair  of  the 
Beguine.  Flesh  and  blood!  a  mortal  man  (I  suppose)  is  not  to  be 
reckoned  among  the  vilest  of  Humanity  because  he  falls  in  Love. 
How  could  I  help  Willielmina  van  Praag  being  a  Beguine?  Moreover, 
a  Beguine  is  not  a  Nun.  The  Beguines  belong  to  a  modified  kind  of 
Monastic  Order.  They  reside  in  a  large  House  with  a  wall  and 
ditch  around  it,  and  that  has  a  Church  and  Hospital  inside,  and  is 
for  all  the  world  like  a  little  Town.  But  the  Sisterhood  is  perfectly 
secular;  they  mingle  with  the  inhabitants  of  the  city,  quit  the  Con¬ 
vent  when  they  choose,  and  even  marry  when  they  are  so  minded; 
but  they  are  obliged,  so  long  as  they  belong  to  the  Order,  to  attend 
Prayers  a  certain  number  of  times  a  day,  and  to  be  within  the  Con¬ 
vent-walls  at  a  stated  hour  every  evening.  To  be  admitted  to  this 
Order,  they  must  be  either  unmarried  or  widows  without  children; 
and  the  only  certificate  required  of  them  is  that  of  Good  Behavior, 
and  that  they  have  a  Competence  to  live  upon.  You  may  ask,  if 
this  almost  entire  Liberty  be  granted  them,  what  there  was  to  hinder 
Mynheer  Jan  van  Dangerous  and  the  Fair  Beguine  Wilhemina  van 
Praag  from  coming  together  as  Man  and  Wife?  Wilhelmina  was 
the  comeliest  Creature  (save  one)  that  I  have  ever  seen;  and,  but  that 
she  was  a  little  Stout,  would  have  passed  as  the  living  model  for 
the  St.  Catherine  which  Signor  Raphael  the  Painter  did  so  well  in 
Oils.  I  don’t  think  I  loved  her;  but  she  took  my  Fancy  im¬ 
mensely,  and  meeting  her  in  the  houses  of  divers  Honorable  Fami¬ 
lies  in  Amsterdam,  ’tis  not  to  be  concealed  that  I  courted  her  with 
much  assiduity.  This,  by  some  mischief-making  Persons,  was  held 
to  be  highly  compromising  to  the  Fair  Beguine.  For  all  that  I  had 
become  a  Grave  Merchant,  there  was  yet  somewhat  of  the  Gentle¬ 
man  of  the  Sword  and  Adventurer  on  the  High  Seas  about  me;  and 
a  great  hulking  Cousin  of  the  young  Frau,  that  was  a  Lieutenant 
in  their  High  Mightinesses  Land  Forces — the  Amphibious  Grena¬ 
diers  I  call  ’em,  and  more  used  to  Salt-water  than  Saltpeter — must 
needs  challenge  me  to  the  Duello.  The  laws  against  private  warfare 
being  very  strict  in  Holland,  we  were  obliged  to  make  a  journey  inh> 
Austrian  Flanders,  to  Arrange  our  Difficulty;  and,  meeting  on  the' 
borders  of  the  Duchy  of  Luxembourg,  I —  Well,  is  Jack  Danger¬ 
ous  to  be  blamed  for  that  he  was,  in  the  prime  of  Life,  an  approved 
Master  of  Fence! 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


273 


The  Lieutenant  being  dead  of  his  Wounds  (received  in  perfectly- 
fair  fight),  the  whole  City  of  Amsterdam  must  needs  cry  out  that  I 
had  murdered  the  Man;  and  the  Families  who  had  once  been  eager 
to  receive  me  turned  their  backs  upon  me.  Then  the  Fair  Beguine 
must  go  into  a  craze;  and,  upon  my  word,  when  I  heard  how  Mad 
she  was,  and  how  they  had  been  obliged  to  shut  her  up  in  the  Hos¬ 
pital,  I  could  not  help  thinking  of  the  History  of  my  Grandmother, 
and  did  mistrust  meeting  the  young  Frau  van  Praag  again  (for  she 
was  very  Sweet,  I  believe,  with  the  Spark  that  forced  me  to  fight 
with  him),  for  fear  that  she  should  Pistol  me.  But  she  did  not; 
and  Recovered,  to  marry  a  very  Wealthy  Shipmaster  named 
Druyckx. 

While  this  Ugly  Business  was  the  talk  of  all  tongues  (but  Mr. 
Vandepeereboom  clapped  me  on  the  Shoulder,  and  bade  me  take 
my  Diversion  while  he  minded  Business,  for  that  all  would  Blow 
Over  soon),  I  took  an  Excursion  (’twas  in  the  third  year  of  my  Resi¬ 
dence  here)  into  North  Holland,  to  visit  the  famous  village  of  Brock. 
Here  the  streets  are  divided  by  little  Rivulets,  for  all  the  world  like 
Liliputian  Canals;  the  Houses  and  Summer-houses  all  of  Wood, 
painted  Green  and  White,  very  handsome,  albeit  whimsical  in  their 
shape,  and  scrupulously  neat.  The  Inhabitants  have  a  peculiar  as¬ 
sociation  among  themselves,  and  scarcely  ever  admit  a  Stranger 
within  their  Doors.  During  my  stay  I  only  saw  the  Faces  of  two 
of  ’em,  and  then  only  by  a  stealthy  Peep.  They  are  said  to  be 
very  rich,  and  in  some  of  their  Kitchens  to  have  Pots  and  Pans  of 
solid  Gold.  The  Shutters  of  the  Windows  always  kept  closed,  and 
the  Householders  go  to  and  fro  by  a  Back  Door,  the  Principal 
Entrance  being  opened  only  at  Marriages  and  Deaths.  The  Street 
Pavement  all  set  out  with  Pebbles  and  Cockleshells,  and  no  Dogs  or 
Cats  were  seen  to  trespass  upon  it;  and  formerly  there  was  a  law  to 
oblige  all  Passengers  to  take  off  their  Shoes.  Here  it  was  that  a 
Man  was  once  Convened  and  Reprimanded  for  Sneezing  in  the 
Streets;  and  latterly,  a  Parson,  I  heard,  upon  being  appointed  to 
fill  the  Church  on  the  Demise  of  an  old  Predecessor,  gave  great 
offense  to  his  Flock  by  not  taking  off  his  Shoes  when  he  ascended 
the  Pulpit.  The  Gardens  of  this  Strange  Village  produce  Deer, 
Dogs,  Peacocks,  Chairs,  and  Ladders,  all  cut  out  in  Box.  I  never 
saw  such  a  Museum  of  vegetable  Statuary  in  my  Life  before.  On 
the  whole,  Brock  resembles  a  trim,  sprightly  Ball-room,  all  gar¬ 
nished,  lighted  up,  and  the  floor  well  chalked,  but  not  a  Soul  to 
Scrape  Fiddle  or  Fool  Minuet.  Further  from  here  is  Saardam, 
which,  at  a  distance,  looks  like  a  City  of  Windmills. 


27  4 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS* 


Item.—  I  forgot  to  say,  that  at  Brock  they  tie  up  the  Cows’  Tails 
with  Blue  Ribbons. 

The  Houses  of  Saardam  are  principally  built  of  'Wood,  and  every 
one  has  a  Fantastic  kind  of  Baby  Garden.  Here  is  the  Wooden 
Hut  where  Peter  the  Great  lived,  when  he  wrought  as  a  Shipwright 
in  the  IN  a vy -yard.  It  stands  in  a  Garden,  and  is  in  Decent  Preser¬ 
vation.  The  women  in  North  Holland  are  said  to  be  handsomer 
than  in  any  other  part  of  the  country;  but  I  wras  out  of  taste  with 
Beauty  when  I  came  hither,  and  could  see  naught  but  ugly  Faces. 

So,  coming  back  to  Amsterdam,  I  found  that  Mr.  Vandepeere- 
boom’s  Prediction  was  fulfilled  with  a  Vengeance,  and  with  Com¬ 
pound  Interest.  The  Business  of  the  Beguine  had  Blown  Over; 
but  another  affair  had  Blown  On,  and  this  very  speedily ‘ended  in  a 
Blow  Up.  I  am  sorry  to  say  that  this  Fairspoken  and  seeming 
Reputable  Mr.  Vandepeereboom  turned  out  to  be  a  very  Great. 
Rogue.  Our  Firm  was  in  the  Batavian  trade,  dealing  in  fine 
Spices,  Nutmegs,  Cloves,  Mace,  Cinnamon,  and  so  forth;  also  in 
Rice,  Cotton  and  Pepper;  and  especially  in  the  Java  Coffee,  which 
is  held  to  be  second  only  to  that  of  Arabia.  In  this  branch  of  Trade 
the  Dutch  have  no  competition,  and  they  are  able  to  keep  the 
price  of  their  Spices  as  high  as  they  choose,  by  ordering  what 
remains  unsold  at  the  price  they  have  fixed  upon  it  to  be 
burned.  How  it  came  to  pass  that  the  Spice  Ships  consigned  to  us 
were  all  wrecked  on  the  High  Seas  and  never  insured;  that  the 
Batavian  Merchants,  to  whom  we  advanced  money  on  their  Con¬ 
signments,  all  failed  dismally;  that  every  Speculation  we  entered 
into  went  against  us,  and  that  we  always  burned  our  Surplus  Goods 
just  as  prices  were  about  to  rise — I  know  not;  but  certain  it  is,  that 
I  had  not  been  three  weeks  back  in  Amsterdam  before  the  House 
of  Vandepeereboom  Dangerous  went  Bankrupt.  Now  ’tis  an 
ugly  thing  to  be  Bankrupt,  in  Holland.  The  people  are  so  thrifty 
and  persevering,  and  so  jealous  of  keeping  their  Engagements,  that 
the  very  rarity  of  Insolvency  makes  it  Scandalous.  A  Trading 
Debtor  being  a  character  very  seldom  to  be  met  with,  he  is  held  in 
more  Odium  in  Holland  than  in  any  other  part  of  Europe. '  Yet  are 
their  Laws  of  Arrest  milder  than  with  us  in  England,  where  for  a 
matter  of  Forty  Shillings  an  Honest  Man  becomes  the  prey  of  a 
Catchpole,  and  for  years  after  he  has  paid  the  Debt  itself,  with 
exorbitant  Costs  to  some  Knavish  Limb  of  the  Law,  may  still  con¬ 
tinue  to  Rot  in  Jail  for  the  Keeper’s  Fees  dr  Garnish.  Here,  if  the 
Debtor  be  a  Citizen  or  Registered  Burgher  (as  I  was),  he  is  not 
subject  to  have  his  Person  seized  at  the  suit  of  his  Creditors,  until 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


275 


three  regular  Summonses  have  been  duly  served  upon  him  to  ap¬ 
pear  in  the  Court,  which  Processes  are  completed  in  about  a  month; 
after  which,  if  he  does  not  obey  it,  he  may  be  laid  hold  of,  but  only 
when  he  has  quitted  his  House;  for  in  Holland  a  Man’s  Dwelling 
is  held  even  more  sacred  than  in  England,  and  no  "Writ  or  Execution 
whatever  is  capable  of  being  served  upon  him  so  long  as  he  keeps 
close,  or  even  if  he  stands  on  the  threshold  of  his  Home.  In  this 
Sanctuary  he  may  set  at  Defiance  every  Claimant;  but  if  he  have 
the  Hardihood  to  appear  Abroad,  the  Sergeants  collar  him  forth¬ 
with;  but  even  in  this  case  he  goes  not  to  a  common  Jail  or  Prison 
for  Felons,  but  to  a  House  of  Restriction,  where  he  is  properly  en¬ 
treated,  and  maintained  with  Liberal  Humanity;  the  Expense  of 
which,  as  well  as  the  Proceedings,  must  be  defrayed  by  the  Credit¬ 
ors.  This  regards  only  the  private  Gentleman  Debtor.  But  woe 
betide  the  Fraudulent  Trader!  The  Bankrupt  Laws  of  Holland 
differ  from  ours  in  this  respect,  that  all  the  Creditors  must  sign  the 
Debtor’s  Certificate,  or  Agreement  of  Liberation.  If  any  decline, 
the  Ground  of  their  Refusal  is  submitted  to  Arbitrators,  who  de¬ 
cide  as  to  the  merits  of  the  case;  and  if  the  Broken  Merchant  be 
found  to  be  a  Cheat,  no  Mercy  is  shown  him.  The  Raspliuys,  the 
Pillory,  nay  even  the  Dungeons  beneath  the  Stadt  House,  may  be 
his  Doom. 

This,  Mr.  Vandepeereboom  (being  a  born  Dutchman)  knew  very 
well;  and  he  waited  neither  for  Deliberations  as  to  his  Certificate, 
nor  for  Arbitrators’ award.  He  e’en  showed  his  Creditors  a  clean 
Pair  of  Heels,  and  took  Shipping  for  Harwich  in  England.  I  believe 
he  afterward  prospered  exceedingly  in  London  as  a  Crimp,  or  Pur¬ 
veyor  of  Men  for  the  Sea-Service,  and  submitted  to  the  East  India 
Company  many  notable  plans  for  injuring  the  Commerce  of  the  Hol¬ 
landers.  I  have  likewise  reason  to  think  that  he  did  me  a  sreat  deal 
of  harm  amongst  my  late  Owners  at  Bristol  and  elsewhere,  saying 
that  I  had  been  the  Ruin  of  him  with  Wasteful  Extravagance  and 
Deboslied  Ways,  and  that  but  for  his  Intercession  I  should  have 
been  Broken  on  the  Wheel  for  unhandsome  Behavior  to  the  Fair 
Beguine.  Ere  he  flitted,  he  left  me  a  Letter,  in  which  he  had  the 
impudence  to  tell  me  that  he  had  long  since  drawn  out  my  Account 
from  the  Bank^of  Amsterdam,  thinking  himself  much  better  able 
to  take  care  of  the  Money  than  I  was.  Furthermore  he  contemptu¬ 
ously  advised  me  to  try  some  other  line  than  Commerce,  for  which 
I  was,  through  my  Former  Career — or  Vagabond  Habits,  as  he  had 
the  face  to  call  it — in  no  wise  fitted.  Finally,  he  ironically  wished 
me  a  Good  Deliverance  from  the  hands  of  the  Assessors  of  the  Com- 


276 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


mercial  Tribunal,  and  witli  a  Devilish  Sneer  recommended  his 
Housekeeper  Betje  to  my  care.  O  Mr.  Vandepeereboom,  Mr. 

„  Vandepeereboom!  if  ever  we  meet  again,  old  as  I  am,  there  shall  be 
Weeping  in  Holland  for  you — if,  indeed,  there  be  anybody  left  to 
shed  tears  for  such  a  Worthless  Rascal. 

This  most  Dishonest  Person,  however,  did  me  unwittingly  a  trifle 
of  good,  and  at  all  events  saved  me  from  Gyves  and  Stripes.  That 
Passage  of  his  in  the  Letter  about  my  Funds  in  the  Bank  of  Am¬ 
sterdam  was  my  Deliverance.  ’Twas  widely  known  that  I  was  but 
a  simple  Sea-faring  Man,  unused  to  Mercantile  Affairs,  and  that  I 
had  really  brought  with  me  the  considerable  sum  of  Twenty  Hun¬ 
dred  Pounds.  I  was  arrested,  it  is  true,  and  lay  for  many  Months 
in  the  House  of  Restriction;  but  interest  was  made  for  me,  and  the 
Creditors  of  the  Broken  House  agreed  to  sign  a  Certificate  of  Liber¬ 
ation.  I  believe  that  but  for  that  mournful  business  of  the  Beguine, 
and  for  that  confounded  Officer  that  I  sworded,  some  of  the 
Wealthy  Merchants  would  have  subscribed  to  an  Association  for 
setting  me  up  again;  but  that  Rencounter  was  remembered  to  my 
hurt,  and  says  Mynheer  van  Bommel,  when  he  brought  me  my 
Certificate,  4  £  Harkye,  Friend  Englander;  you  are  Free  this  time. 
Take  my  advice,  and  get  you  out  of  Holland  as  quick  as  ever  you 
can;  for  their  High  Mightinesses,  to  say  nothing  of  the  Worshipful 
Burgomaster  of  this  City,  have  a  misliking  for  Men  that  are  too 
quick  with  the  Sword,  and  too  slow  with  the  Pen;  and  if  you  don’t 
speedily  mend  your  way  of  Life,  and  bid  farewell  to  this  Country, 
you  will  find  yourself  sawing  of  Campeacliy-wood  at  the  Rasphuys, 
with  Dirk  Juill,  the  Beadle,  standing  over  you  with  a  Thong.” 
Upon  which  I  thanked  him  heartily;  and  he  had  the  Generosity  to 
lend  me  Fifty  Florins  to  furnish  my  present  needs. 

I  was  no  longer  a  Young  man.  I  was  now  long  past  my  fortieth 
year,  again  almost  a  Pauper,  Friendless  and  Unknown  in  the  World; 
yet  did  I  feel  Undaunted,  and  confident  that  Better  Days  were  in 
store  for  me.  Pouching  my  Fifty  Florins,  I  first  followed  the 
Burgomaster’s  advice  by  getting,  out  of  Holland  as  quick  as  ever  I 
could,  and  betook  myself  by  Treycksliuyt  and  Stage  Wagon  to  the 
city  of  Bruxelles  in  Brabant.  Here  I  abode  for  some  months  in  the 
house  of  a  clean  Widow-woman  that  was  a  Walloon,  who,  finding 
that  I  was  English,  and  besides  a  very  tolerable  French  Scholar, 
procured  me  several  Pupils  among  the  Tradesfolk  in  the  neighbor¬ 
hood  of  the  Petit  Sablon  (hard  by  the  Archduchess  Governante’s 
Palace),  where  I  dwelt  on  a  Sixth  Floor.  By  degrees  I  did  so  in¬ 
crease  my  number  of  Pupils,  that  I  was  able  to  open  a  School  of 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


277 


some  thirty  Lads  and  Lasses.  To  both  indifferently  I  taught  the 
Languages,  with  Writing  and  Accompts;  while  for  the  instruc¬ 
tion  of  the  latter  in  Needle- work  and  other  Feminine  Accomplish¬ 
ments  I  engaged  my  Landlady’s  Daughter,  a  comely  Maiden,  albeit 
Red-haired,  and  very  much  pitted  with  the  Small-pox.  Figure  to 
yourself  Captain  Jack  Dangerous  turned  Dominie!  I  am  venture¬ 
some  enough  to  believe  that  I  was  a  veiy  passable  Pedagogue;  and 
of  this  I  am  certain,  that  I  was  entirely  beloved  by  my  Scholars. 
The  sufferings  I  had  undergone  while  a  Captive  in  the  hands  of  that 
Barbarous  Wretch,  Gnawbit,  had  never  been  effaced  from  my 
Memory,  and  had  made  me  infinitely  tender  toward  little  Children. 
Indeed  I  could  scarcely  bear  to  use  the  Ferula  to  them,  or  nip  ’em 
with  a  Fescue,  much  less  to  untruss  and  Scourge  ’em,  as  ’  tis  the 
brutal  fashion  of  Pedants  to  do;  nor  do  I  think,  though  I  disobeyed 
Solomon’s  maxim  and  Spared  the  Rod,  that  I  did  much  toward 
Spoiling  any  Child  that  was  under  my  care.  I  made  learning  easy 
and  pleasant  to  my  Youngsters,  by  telling  them  all  sorts  of  moving 
and  marvelous  Stories,  drawn  from  what  Books  of  History  I  had 
handy  (and  these  I  admit  I  Colored  a  little,  to  suit  the  Imaginations 
of  the  Y oung),  and  others  concerning  my  own  remarkable  Advent¬ 
ures,  in  which,  however  extraordinary  they  seemed,  I  always  took 
care  to  adhere  strictly  to  the  Truth,  only  suppressing  that  which  it 
was  not  proper  for  Youth  and  Innocence  to  be  made  acquainted 
with. 

But  School-keeping  is  a  tiresome  trade.  One  can  not  be  at  it  day 
and  night,  too;  and  a  Man  must  have  some  place  to  Divert  himself 
in,  when  the  toils  of  the  day  are  over.  I  found  out  a  Coffee-House 
in  the  Rue  de  Merinos,  or  Spaan  Scheep  Straet,  as  the  Flemings  call 
it,  in  strange  likelihood  to  our  tongue,  and  there,  over  my  Tobacco, 
made  some  strange  Acquaintance.  There  was  one  De  Suaso,  an 
Empiric,  that  had  writ  against  the  English  College  of  Physicians, 
and  was  like  to  have  made  a  Fortune  by  his  famous  Nostrum  for 
the  Gout,  the  Sudorific  Expulsive  Mixture,  but  that  Scheme  had 
fallen  through,  it  having  been  discovered  that  the  Mixture  was 
naught  but  Quicksilver  and  Hogslard,  which  made  the  Patients 
perspire  indeed,  but  turned  ’em  all,  to  the  very  Silver  in  their 
Pockets,  as  black  as  Small-Coal  Men.  Now  he  had  become  a  kind 
of  Peddler,  selling  Handkerchiefs  made  at  Amsterdam,  in  imitation 
of  those  of  Naples,  with  Women’s  Gloves,  Fans,  Essences,  and 
Pomatums — and  in  fact  all  the  Whim- Whams  that  are  known  in 
the  Italian  trade  as  Galanterie  lepiu  cuYiose  di  Venezia  e  di  Milano. 
But  his  prime  trade  was  in  Selling  of  Snuff,  for  the  choicer  sorts  of 


278 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


which  there  was  at  that  time  a  perfect  Rage  among  the  Qualily, 
both  of  the  Continent  and  of  England.  This  De  Suaso  used  to 
Laugh,  and  say  that  the  best  venture  he  had  ever  made  was  from  a 
Parcel  of  Snuff  so  bad  and  rotten,  that  he  was  about  to  send  it  back 
to  the  Hamburg  Merchant  who  had  sold  it  him,  when  one  day, 
plying  at  the  chief  Coffee-House,  as  was  his  wont,  my  Lord  Haut- 
goustham,  an  English  Nobleman,  desired  him  to  fill  his  box  with 
the  choicest  Snuff  he  had.  Thinking  my  Lord  really  a  Judge,  lie- 
gives  him  some  undeniable  Bouquet  Daujrfiine;  but  the  Peer  would 
have  no*ne  of  it.  Then  he  tries  him  with  one  Mixture  after  another, 
but  always  unsuccessfully;  until  at  last  he  bethinks  him  of  the 
Musly  Parcel  he  has  at  home,  and  accordingly  having  fetched  some 
of  that,  returns  to  the  Coffee-House,  and  says  that  he  has  indeed  a 
Snuff  of  extraordinary  Smell  and  Taste,  but  that  ’tis  extravagantly 
dear.  Lord  Hautgoustham  tries  it,  and  calls  out  in  an  ecstasy  that 
'tis  the  most  beautiful  Snuff  he  ever  put  to  his  Nose.  He  bought 
a  Pound  of  it,  for  which  De  Suaso  charged  him  at  the  moderate 
rate  of  Four  Guineas;  and.  desires  to  know  his  Lodging,  that  he 
may  send  his  Friends  to  buy  some  of  this  Incomparable  Mixture. 
The  Artful  Rogue  then  affects  the  Coy,  says  that  his  Stock  of  the 
Snuff  is  very  low,  and  by  degrees  raises  his  price  to  Eleven  Pistoles 
a  Pound,  until  the  English  in  Brussels  have  been  half-poisoned 
with  his  filthy  Remnant;  when  there  comes  upon  the  scene  a  certain 
Mr.  Dubuggin,  a  rich  old  English  Merchant  of  the  Caraccas,  who 
knew  all  kinds  of  Snuff  as  well  as  a  Yorkshire  Tyke  knows  Horses; 
and  he,  telling  the  Nobleman  and  his  Friends  how  they  have  been 
duped,  my  Lord  Hautgoustham,  who  was  of  a  hot  Temper,  makes 
no  more  ado,  but  kicks  this  unhappy  De  Suaso  half  way  down  the 
Montagne  de  la  Cour. 

Here,  too,  I  made  an  Acquaintance  who  was  afterward  the  means 
of  working  me  much  Mischief.  This  was  one  Ferdinando  Carolyi, 
that  said  he  was  a  Styrian,  but  spoke  most  Tongues,  and  was  a 
thoroughly  accomplished  Rascal.  He  had  been  a  painter  of 
Flower-pieces,  and  from  what  I  could  learn  had  also  made  the 
Mill  to  go  in  the  way  of  coining  False  Money;  but  at  the  time  I 
knew  him  was  all  for  the  occult  Science  called  the  Cabala.  He 
showed  me  a  whole  chestful  of  Writings  at  his  Lodgings — which 
were  very  mean — and  declared  that  he  had  invented  a  perfect  and 
particular  System,  which  he  called  the  Astronomical  Terrestrial 
Cabala.  He  had  run  through  the  whole  Pentateuch,  and  had  re¬ 
duced  to  the  Signs  of  the  Zodiac  the  words  of  such  Scripture  Verses 
as  answered  to  the  same;  one  to  Aries,  the  second  to  Taurus,  the 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


279 


third  to  Gemini,  and  the  like.  In  short,  there  appeared  a  kind  of 
Harmonjr  in  ’em,  particularly  when  the  Terrestrial  Cabala  (which 
was  of  the  Dryest)  was  moistened  with  a  flask  or  two  of*  good  old 
Rhenish.  The  whole  of  this  contrivance  was  to  tend  toward  the 
Discovery  of  the  Philosopher’s  Stone.  He  pretended  by  these 
Astronomical  Figures  to  have  penetrated  into  the  most  essential 
Arcana  of  Nature,  and  all  the  necessary  operations  for  attaining  the 
Elixir  Philosphorum,  or  some  such  word.  But  this  Carolyi  had 
such  a  winning  way  with  him,  that  he  would  well-nigh  have  talked 
a  Donkey’s  Hind-leg  off.  He  began  to  tell  me  about  Peter  of 
Lombardy  and  the  great  adept  Zacharias,  and  of  the  blessed  Terra 
Foliata,  or  Land  of  Leaves,  where  Gold  is  sown  to  be  radically 
Dissolved  in  order  to  its  Putrefaction  and  Regermination  in  a  Fix¬ 
ation  which  has  Power  over  its  Brethren  the  Imperfect  Metals,  and 
makes  them  like  unto  itself;  and  this  process  (which  I  believe  to 
have  been  only  a  story  about  a  Cock  and  a  Bull)  he  called  Reincru- 
dation.  In  fact  my  Gentleman  almost  talked  me  out  of  my  Senses; 
and  as  I  thought  him  a  monstrous  clever  Man,  I  lent  him  (although 
my  Purse  was  as  lean  as  might  be)  half  a  score  Austrian  Ducats,  to 
carry  out  his  experiments  in  the  Universal  Menstruum.  Alas!  I 
never  saw  my  Ducats  nor  my  Alchemist  again.  A  week  after  I 
had  lent  him  the  money  he  fled  on  a  suspicion  of  Base  Coin;  and  I 
had  hard  work  to  persuade  the  Officers  of  Justice  that  I  had  not  a 
hand  in  his  Malpractices.  As  it  was,  nearly  all  my  Scholars  fell 
away  from  my  school;  and  the  Impudent  Flemings  sneered  at  me  as 
Mozzoo  Kabala — in  their  barbarous  Lingo — and  I  was  pointed  out  in 
the  streets  as  a  Wizard,  a  Fortune-teller,  a  Cunning  Man,  and  what 
not.  So  that  I  was  fain,  after  about  ten  years’  sojourn  at  Bruxel¬ 
les,  to  call  in  my  Dues,  gather  my  few  Effects  together,  and  bid 
farewell  to  Flanders.  It  was  time;  for  the  Priests  were  up  in  arms 
against  me  as  a  Heretic  Outlaw,  dealing  in  magic.  The  black  Gentry 
are  hereabouts  very  Bigoted;  and  although  they  have  no  Inquisition, 
would,  I  doubt  not,  have  led  me  a  sorry  Life,  but  for  my  Discretion 
in  timely  Flitting. 


CHAPTER  THE  TWENTY-SECOND. 

OF  A  STRANGE  AND  HORRIBLE  ADVENTURE  I  HAD  IN  PARIS, 
WHICH  WAS  NEARLY  MY  UNDOING. 

The  Manner  of  its  Coming  About  was  this.  I  arrived  in  Paris 
very  Poor  and  Miserable,  and  was  for  some  days  (when  that  which 
I  brought  with  me  was  spent,  almost  destitute  of  Bread.  At  last, 


280 


CAPTAIK  DANGEROUS. 


hearing  that  some  Odd  Hands  were  wanted  at  the  Opera-House  to 
caper  about  in  a  new  Ballet  upon  the  Story  of  Orpheus,  the  Master 
of  the  Tavern  where  I  Lodged,  who  had  been  a  Property-Master  at 
the  Theaters,  and  entertained  many  of  the  Playing  Gentry,  made 
inlerest  for  me,  as  much  to  keep  me  from  Starving  as  to  put  me  in 
the  way  of  earning  enough  money  to  pay  my  Score  to  him.  For  I 
have  found  that  there  never  was  in  this  world  a  man  so  Poor  but  he 
could  manage  to  run  into  Debt.  In  virtue  of  his  Influence  I,  who 
had  never  so  much  as  stood  up  in  a  polite  Minuet  in  my  life,  and 
knew  no  more  of  Dancing  than  sufficed  to  foot  it  on  a  Sliuffleboard 
at  a  Tavern  to  the  tune  of  Green  Sleeves,  was  engaged  at  the  wages 
of  one  Livre  ten.  Sols  a  night  to  be  a  Mime  in  this  same  Ballet.  But 
’twas  little  proficiency  in  Dancing  they  wanted  from  me.  One  need 
not  have  been  bound  ’prentice  to  a  Hackney  Caper  Merchant  to 
play  one  of  the  Furies  that  hold  back  Eurydice,  and  vomit  Flames 
through  a  Great  Mask.  They  gave  me  a  monstrous  Dress,  akin  to 
the  San  Benitos  which  are  worn  by  the  poor  wretches  who  are 
burned  by  the  Inquisition;  and  my  flame-burning  was  done  by  an 
Ingenious  Mechanical  Contrivance,  that  had  a  most  delectable 
effect,  albeit  the  Fumes  of  the  Sulphur  half  choked  me.  And  they 
did  not  ask  for  any  Characters  for  their  Furies.  I  had  tumbled  and 
vomited  Flames  for  at  least  thirty  nights,  when  one  evening,  stand¬ 
ing  at  the  Side  Scenes  waiting  for  my  turn  to  come  on,  it  chanced 
that  the  light  gauzy  Coats  of  a  pretty  little  Dancing-girl,  that  was 
playing  a  Dryad  in  the  Wood  where  Orpheus  charms  the  Beast, 
caught  Fire.  I  think  ’twas  the  Candle  fell  out  of  the  Moon-box, 
and  so  on  to  her  Drapery;  but,  at  all  events,  she  was  Alight,  and 
ran  about  the  Scene,  screaming  piteously.  The  poor  little  cowardly 
wretches  her  Companions  all  ran  away  in  sheer  terror;  and  as  for 
the  two  Musketeers  of  the  Guard  who  stood  sentry  at  each  side  of 
the  Proscenium,  one  dastard  Losel  fell  on  his  Marrowbones  and 
began  bawling  for  his  Saints,  whilst  the  other,  a  more  active 
Craven,  drops  his  musket  and  bayonet  with  a  clang,  and  clambers 
into  the  Orchestra,  hitting  out  right  and  left  among  the  Fiddlers, 
and  very  nearly  tumbling  into  the  Big  Drum.  All  this  took  much 
less  time  to  pass  than  I  have  taken  to  relate  it;  but  as  quick  as 
thought  I  rushed  on  to  the  Stage,  seized  hold  of  the  little  Dancing- 
girl,  tripped  her  up,  and  rolled  her  over  and  over  on  the  Boards,  I 
encompassing  her,  till  the  flames  were  Extinguished.  Luckily 
there  was  no  Harm  done.  She  was  Bruised  all  over,  and  one  of 
her  pretty  little  Elbows  was  scratched:  but  that  was  all.  One  of 
the  Gentlemen  of  the  King’s  Chamber  came  round  from  his  Box; 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


281 


and  the  Sardinian  Embassador  sends  round  at  once  a  Purse  of 
Fifty  Pistoles,  and  an  offer  for  her  to  become  his  Madame;  “  For  I 
should  like  one,”  his  Excellency  said,  “  that  had  been  half-roasted. 
All  these  Frenchwomen  look  as  though  they  had  been  boiled.” 
"When  the  Little  Girl  was  brought  to  her  Dressing-Room,  and  had 
somewhat  recovered  from  her  Fright,  she  began  to  thank  me,  her 
Preserver,  as  she  called  me,  with  great  Fervor  and  Vehemence;  yet 
did  I  fancy  that,  although  her  words  were  excellent!}"  well  chosen, 
she  spoke  with  somewhat  of  an  English  xAccent.  And  indeed  she 
proved  to  be  English.  She  was  the  Daugliler  of  one  Mr.  Lovell, 
an  English  Gentleman  of  very  fair  extraction,  who  had  been  un¬ 
fortunately  mixed  up  in  the  Troubles  of  the  Forty-five;  and  having 
been  rather  a  dangerous  Plotter,  and  so  excepted  from  the  Act  of 
Oblivion,  had  been  fain  to  reside  in  Paris  ever  since,  picking  up  a 
Crust  as  he  could  by  translating,  teaching  of  the  Thrombo  and 
Harpsichord,  and  such-like  sorry  Shifts.  But  he  was  very  well  con¬ 
nected,  and  had  powerful  friends  among  the  French  Quality.  He 
was  now  a  very  old  man,  but  of  a  most  Genteel  Presence  and 
Majestic  Carriage.  The  Little  Girl’s  name — she  was  now  about 
Eighteen  years  old — was  Lilias,  and  she  was  the  only  one.  As  she 
had  a  marvelous  turn  for  Dancing,  old  Mr.  Lovell  had  (in  the 
stress  of  his  Affairs)  allowed  her  to  be  hired  at  the  Opera  House, 
where  she  received  no  less  than  a  Hundred  Ecus  a  month;  but  he 
knew  too  well  what  mettle  Gentlemen  of  the  King’s  Chamber  and 
Musketeers  of  the  Guard  were  made  of;  and  every  night  after  the 
Performance  he  came  down  to  the  Theater  to  fetch  her — his  Hat 
fiercely  cocked,  and  his  long  Sword  under  his  arm.  So  that  none 
dared  follow  or  molest  her.  And  I  question  even,  if  he  had  heard 
of  the  Embassador’s  offer,  whether  the  old  Gentleman  would  not 
have  demanded  Satisfaction  from  his  Excellency  for  that  slight. 

When  I  discovered  that  this  dear  little  Creature,  who  was  as  fair 
as  her  name  and  as  good  as  gold,  was  my  Countrywoman,  I  made 
bold  to  tell  her  that  I  was  English,  too;  whereupon  she  Laughed, 
and  jn  her  sweet  manner  expressed  her  wonder  that  I  had  come  to 
be  playing  a  Fury  at  the  French  Opera  House.  I  chose  to  keep 
my  Belongings  private  for  the  nonce;  so  the  old  Gentleman,  treat¬ 
ing  me  as  an  honest  fellow  of  Low  Degree,  presented  me  with  ten 
Livres,  which  I  accepted,  nothing  loath,  and  the  Theater  People 
even  made  a  purse  for  me  amounting  to  Fifty  more.  So  that  1  got 
as  rich  as  a  Jew,  and  was  much  in  favor  with  my  Landlord.  But, 
better  than  all,  the  Little  Girl,  as  I  was  her  Preserver,  insisted  that 
*1  should  be  her  Protector,  too;  and  old  Mr.  Lovell  being  laid  up 


282 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


very  bad  with  the  rheumatism,  I  was  often  privileged  to  attend 
her  home  after  the  Theater,  walking  respectfully  a  couple  of  paces 
behind  her,  and  grasping  a  stout  Cudgel.  Father  and  Daughter 
lived  in  the  Impasse  Mauvaise  Langue,  Rue  des  Moineaux,  behind 
Saint  Roque’s  Church;  and  often  when  I  had  got  my  precious 
charge  home,  she  would  press  me  to  stop  to  supper,  the  which  I 
took  very  humbly  at  a  side-table,  and  listened  to  the  stories  of  old 
Mr.  Lovell  (who  was  very  garrulous)  about  the  Forty-five.  ‘  ‘  Bless 
his  old  heart,”  thought  I;  “  I  could  tell  him  something  about  the 
Forty-five  that  would  astonish  him.” 

’Twas  one  night  after  leaving  the  Impasse  Mauvaise  Langue  that, 
feeling  both  cold  and  dry,  I  turned  •  into  a  Tavern  that  was  open 
late,  for  a  measure  of  Hot  Spiced  Wine  as  a  Night-cap.  There  was 
no  one  there,  beyond  the  People  of  the  House,  save  a  man  in  a 
Drugget  Coat,  a  green  velveteen  Waistcoat,  red  plush  Nethers,  and 
a  flapped  Hat,  all  very  Worn  and  Greasy.  He  was  about  my  own 
age,  and  wore  his  own  Hair;  but  the  most  remarkable  thing  about 
him  was  his  Face.  I  never  saw  such  a  Red  Face.  ’Twas  a  hun¬ 
dred  times  more  fiery  than  that  of  Bardolph  in  the  Play.  ’Twas 
more  glowing  than  a  Salamander’s;  ’twas  redder  than  Sir  Robert 
Walpole’s  (the  great  Whig  Minister,  who,  in  my  youth,  was  called 
by  the  Commons  “Brandy-faced  Bob”).  This  man’s  Face  was 
terribly  puffed  and  swollen,  and  the  Veins  all  injected  with  purplish 
Blood.  The  tips  of  his  Ears  were  like  two  pendant  Carbuncles. 
His  little  bloodshot  Eyes  seemed  starting  from  their  Sockets;  while 
the  Cheeks  beneath  puffed  out  like  Pillows  for  his  Orbits  to  rest 
upon.  Not  less  worthy  of  remark  was  it  that  this  Red-faced  Man’s 
Lips  were  of  a  tawny  White.  He  was  forever  scrabbling  with  his 
hands  among  his  tufted  Locks,  and  pressing  them  to  his  Temples, 
as  though  his  Head  pained  him — which  there  was  reason  to  believe 
it  did. 

This  strange  Person  was,'  when  I  entered  the  Wine-shop,  in  hot 
Dispute  with  the  Master  about  some  trifling  Liquor  Score.  He 
would  not  Pay,  he  said;  no,  not  he.  He  had  been  basely  Robbed 
and  Swindled.  He  had  plenty  of  Money,  but  he  would  not  dis¬ 
burse  a  Red  Liard.  He  showed,  indeed,  a  Leathern  Purse  with 
two  or  three  Gold  Pieces  in  it,  and  smaller  Money;  but  declared 
that  he  would  Die  sooner  than  disburse.  And  as  he  said  this,  he 
drew  out  of  his  pocket  a  long  Clasp-Knife,  two  bladed;  and  open¬ 
ing  it,  brandished  it  about,  and  said  they  had  better  let  him  go,  or 
Worse  would  come  of  it. 

The  Master  of  the  Tavern  and  his  Wife,  decent  bodies  both,  were 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


283 


wofully  frightened  at  the  behavior  of  this  Desperado;  but  I  was  not 
lo  be  frightened  by  such  Racketing.  I  bade  him  put  up  his  Tooth¬ 
pick,  giving  him  at  the  same  time  a  Back-Hander,  which  drove 
him  into  a  Corner,  where  he  crouched,  snarling  like  a  Wild-beast, 
but  offering  to  do  me  no  hurt.  Then  I  asked  what  the  To-do  was 
about;  and  was  told  that  he  stood  indebted  but  for  Eight  Sols,  for 
Half  a  Lilre  of  Wine,  and  that  they  could  not  account  for  his  Fury. 
The  man  was  evidently  not  in  Liquor,  which  was  strange. 

These  good  people  were  so  flustered  at  the  Man’s  uncommon 
Demeanor,  that,  seeing  I  was  Strong  and  Yaliant,  they  begged  me 
to  take  him  away.  This  I  did,  first  discharging  his  Reckoning; 
for  as  he  had  Money  about  him,  I  doubted  not  but  that  he  would 
recoup  me.  I  got  him  into  the  Street  (which  was  close  to  the 
Market  of  the  Innocents,  and  I  lived  in  the  Street  of  the  Ancient 
Comedy,  t’other  side  of  the  River),  and  asked  him  where  he  was 
going. 

“  To  get  a  Billet  of  Confession,  ”  he  made  answer. 

“  Stuff  and  nonsense!”  I  answered  in  the  French  Tongue. 

They  sell  them  not  at  this  Hour  of  Night.  Where  do  you  live?” 

“In  the  Parvis  of  Notre  Dame,  ”  says  he,  staring  like  a  Stuck 
Pig.  “  Oh,  Arnault!  oh,  Jansenius!  oh,  Monsieur  de  Paris!  all 
this  is  your  fault!” 

And  he  lugs  out  of  his  Pocket  a  ragged  Sheet  of  Paper,  which  he 
said  was  the  last  Mandement  or  Charge  of  the  Archbishop  of  Paris, 
and  was  for  reading  it  lo  me  by  the  Moonlight;  but  I  stopped  him 
short.  I  had  heard  in  a  vague  manner  that  the  Public  Mind  was 
just  then  much  agitated  by  some  Dispute  between  the  Clergy  and 
the  Parliament  concerning  Billets  or  Certificates  of  Confession;  but 
they  concerned  neither  me  nor  the  Opera  House.  Besides,  an  Hour 
after  Midnight  is  not  the  time  for  reading  Archbishops’  Charges  in 
the  Public  Streets. 

“  ’Tis  my  belief,  Brother,”  I  said,  as  soothingly  as  I  could,  “  that 
you’d  better  go  Home,  and  tie  a  Wet  Clout  round  your  Head;  or, 
better  still,  hie  to  a  Chirurgeon  and  be  let  Blood.  Have  you  e’er  a 
Home?” 

He  began  to  tell  me  that  his  Name  was  Robert  Francois  Da¬ 
miens;  that  he  had  come  from  Picardy;  that  he  had  been  a  Stable¬ 
man,  a  Locksmith,  a  Camp-follower,  and  a  Servant  at  the  College 
of  Louis-le-Grand;  that  he  had  a  Wife  who  was  a  Cook  in  a  Noble 
Family,  and  a  Daughter  who  colored  Prints  for  a  Seller  of  En¬ 
gravings.  In  short,  he  told  me  all  save  what  I  desired  to  know. 


284 


CAPTAIN  DANGEEOUS. 


And  in  the  midst  of  his  rambling  recital  he  stops,  and  claps  his 
Hand  to  his  forehead  again. 

“  What  ails  you?”  I  asked. 

“  C’est  le  Sang,  c’est  le  Sang,  qui  me  monte  a  la  T£te!”  cries  he. 
‘'La  Faute  est  a  Monseigneur  et  a  son  Mandement.  Je  perirai; 
mais  les  Grands  de  la  Terre  periront  avec  moi.”* 

And  with  this  Bedlamite  Speech  he  broke  away  from  me — for  I 
had  kept  a  slight  hold  of  him — and  set  off  Running  as  hard  as  his 
legs  could  carry  him. 

I  concluded  that  this  Red-faced  Man  must  be  some  Mad  Fellow 
just  escaped  out  of  Charenton;  and,  having  other  Fish  to  fry,  let 
him  follow  his  own  devices.  Whereupon  I  kindled  a  Pipe  of  To¬ 
bacco,  and  went  home  to  Bed. 

Two  days  after  this  (March,  1757),  the  whole  Troop  of  the  Opera 
House  were  commanded  to  Versailles,  there  to  perform  the  Ballet 
of  Orpheus  before  Mesdames  the  King’s  Daughters.  I  had  by  this 
time  received  slight  Promotion,  and  played  the  Dog  Cerberus — at 
which  my  dear  little  Angel  of  a  Lilias  made  much  mirth.  His 
Majesty  was  to  have  waited  at  Versailles  for  the  playing  of  the 
Piece;  but  after  Dinner  he  changes  his  mind,  and  determines  on 
returning  to  his  other  Palace  of  Trianon. 

“  Twas  about  Five  o’clock  in  the  Afternoon,  and  there  was  a 
great  Crowd  in  the  Court  of  Marble  to  see  the  Most  Christian  King 
take  coach  for  Trianon.  The  Great  Court  was  full  of  Gardes 
Francaises,  Musketeers  Red  and  Gray  carrying  Torches,  with 
Coaches,  Led  Horses,  Prickers,  Grooms,  Pages,  Valets,  Waiting 
Women,  and  all  the  Hurly-Burly  of  a  great  Court.  Some  few  of 
the  Commonalty  also  managed  to  squeeze  themselves  in — amongst 
others,  your  humble  Servant,  John  Dangerous,  who  was  now  reck¬ 
oned  no  better  than  a  Rascal  Buffoon. 

’Twas  bitterly  cold  and  freezing  hard,  and  the  Courtiers  had 
their  hands  squeezed  into  great  fur  Muffs.  I  saw  the  King  come  _ 
down  the  Marble  Staircase;  a  fair  portly  Gentleman,  with  a  Great¬ 
coat,  lined  with  fur,  over  his  ordinary  vestments — then  a  novelty 
among  the  French,  and  called  a  Redingote,  from  our  English 
Riding-coat. 

“  Is  that  the  King?”  I  heard  a  Voice,  which  I  seemed  to  remem- 

*  “  'Tis  the  Blood,  the  Blood  mounting  to  my  Head!  ’Tis  the  Archbishop’s 
fault,  and  that  of  his  Charge.  I  shall  perish;  but  the  Mighty  Ones  of  the  Earth 
shall  perish  with  me.” 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


285 


ber,  ask  behind  me,  as  the  Monarch  passed  between  a  double  line 
of  Spectators  to  his  Coach. 

“  Yes,  Dog,”  answered  he  who  had  been  addressed,  and  who  was 
an  Officer  in  the  Gray  Musqueteers.  “  Pig,  why  dost  thou  not  take 
off  thy  Hat?” 

I  was  all  at  once  pushed  violently  on  one  side.  A  Man  with  a 
Drugget  Coat  and  Flapped  Hat,  and  whom  I  at  once  recognized  by 
the  light  of  the  glaring  torches,  as  the  Red-faced  Brawler  of  the 
Wine-shop,  darted  through  the  line  of  Guards,  an  open  Knife  in 
his  hand,  and  rushing  up  to  him,  stabbed  King  Lewis  the  Fifteenth 
in  the  side. 

I  could  hear  his  Majesty  cry  out,  “  Oh!  je  suis  blesse!'’ — “  I  am 
wounded!” — but  all  the  rest  was  turbulence  and  confusion:  in  the 
midst  of  which,  not  caring  that  the  Red- faced  Man  should  claim  me 
as  an  Acquaintance,  I  slipped  away.  I  need  scarcely  say  that  there 
was  no  Ballet  at  Versailles  that  night. 

A  great  deal  of  Blood  came  from  the  King’s  Wound:  for  he  was 
a  Plethoric  Sovereign,  much  given  to  High  Living:  but  he  was,  on 
the  whole,  more  Frightened  than  Hurt.  Although  when  the  Assas¬ 
sin  was  first  laid  hold  of,  His  Majesty  cried  out  in  an  Easy  Manner 
that  no  Harm  was  to  be  done  to  him,  he  never  afterward  troubled 
his  Royal  Self  in  the  slightest  Manner  to  put  a  stop  to  the  Hellish 
Torments  inflicted  on  a  Poor  Wretch,  who  had,  at  the  most,  but 
scratched  his  Flesh,  and  for ‘whom  the  most  fitting  Punishment 
would  have  been  a  Cell  in  a  Mad-house. 

As  for  this  most  miserable  Red-faced  Man,  Robert  Francois 
Damiens,  this  is  what  was  done  to  him.  At  first  handling,  he  was 
very  nearly  murdered  by  the  Young  Gentlemen  Officers  of  the 
Body  Guard,  who,  having  tied  him  to  a  Bench,  pricked  him  with 
their  Sword  Points,  beat  him  with  their  Belts,  and  pummeled  him 
about  the  Mouth  with  the  Butt-end  of  Pistols.  Then  he  was  had  to 
the  Civil  Prison;  and  a  certain  President,  named  Maehault,  came  to 
interrogate  him;  who  being  most  zealous  to  discover  whether  the 
Parricide  (as  he  was  called)  had  any  Accomplices,  heated  a  Pair  of 
Pincers  in  the  Fire,  and  when  they  were  red-hot,  clawed  and 
dragged  away  at  the  Unhappy  Man’s  Legs,  till  the  whole  Dungeon 
did  reek  with  the  horrible  Odor  of  Burned  Flesh.  Just  imagine 
one  of  our  English  Judges  of  the  Land  undertaking  such  a  Hang¬ 
man’s  Office!  The  poor  Wretch  made  no  .other  complain!  than  to 
murmur  that  the  King  had  directed  that  he  was  not  to  be  ill-treated; 
and  when  they  further  questioned  him,  could  only  stammer  out 


286 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


some  Incoherent  Balderdash  about  the  Archbishop,  the  Parliament, 
and  the  Billets  of  Confession. 

After  many  Days  he  was  removed  from  Versailles  to  Paris;  but 
his  Legs  were  so  bad  with  the  Burning,  that  they  were  obliged  to 
carry  him  away  on  a  Mattress.  So  to  Paris;  the  Journey  taking 
Six  Hours,  through  his  great  attendance  of  Guards  and  the  thick¬ 
ness  of  the  Crowd.  .He  was  had  to  the  Prison  of  the  Concierge rie, 
and  put  into  a  Circular  Dungeon  in  the  Tower  called  of  Mont¬ 
gomery — the  very  same  one  where  Ravaillac,  that  killed  Henry  the 
Fourth,  had  formerly  lain.  There  they  put  him  into  a  kind  of 
Sack  of  Shamoy  Leather,  leaving  only  his  Head  free;  and  he  was 
tied  down  to  his  bed — which  was  a  common  Hospital  Pallet — by  an 
immense  number  of  Leathern  Straps,  secured  by  Iron  Rings  to  the 
Floor  of  his  Dungeon.  But  what  Dr.  Gdldsmith,  the  Poetry- writer, 
means  by  “  Damiens’s  Bed  of  Steel,”  I’m  sure  I  don’t  know.  At 
the  head  and  foot  of  his  Bed  an  Exempt  kept  watch  Night  and 
Day,  and  every  three  quarters  of  an  hour  the  Guard  was  relieved; 
so  that  the  Miserable  Creature  had  little  chance*  of  Sleeping.  He 
would  have  sunk  under  all  this  Cruelty,  but  that  they  kept  him 
up  with  Rich  Meats  and  Generous  Wines,  which  they  had  all  but 
to  force  down  his  Throat. 

But  while  all  this  was  being  done  to  Damiens,  other  steps  were 
being  taken  by  Justice,  the  which  narrowly  concerned  me.  As  he 
would  denounce  no  Accomplices  real  or  imaginary,  the  Police  did 
their  best  to  find  out  his  Confederates  for  themselves,  and  by  dili¬ 
gent  Inquiry  made  themselves  acquainted  with  all  Damiens’s  move¬ 
ments  for  days  before  he  committed  his  Crime.  They  found  out 
the  Wine- shop  where  he  had  refused  to  pay  his  Reckoning  and 
made  a  Disturbance;  and  learning  from  the  people  of  the  House 
what  manner  of  Man  had  paid  for  him  and  taken  him  away,  they 
were  soon  on  my  track.  One  night,  just  before  the  Ballet  began,  I 
was  taken  by  two  Exempts;  and,  in  the  very  play-acting  dress  as 
Cerberus  that  I  wore,  was  forced  into  a  Sedan,  and  taken,  sur¬ 
rounded  by  Guards,  to  the  Prison  of  the  Chalelet.  I  thought  of 
appealing  to  our  Embassador  in  Paris,  and  proving  that  I  was  a 
faithful  Subject  of  King  George;  but,  as  it  happened,  I  owed  my 
safety  to  one  who  disowned  that  Monarch,  and  kept  all  his  Allegi¬ 
ance  for  King  James.  For  old  Mr.  Lovell,  hearing  of  my  Arrest, 
and  importuned  by  poor  Pretty  Miss  Lilias,  who  w'as  kind  enough 
to  shed  many  Tears  on  the  occasion,  hurried  off  to  his  Eminence 

the  Cardinal  de - ,  who  was  all  but  supreme  at  Court,  and  with 

whom  he  had  great  Influence.  The  Cardinal  listens  to  him  very 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


287 


graciously,  and  by  and  by  comes  down  the  President  Pasquier  to 
interrogate  me;  to  whom  I  told  a  plain  Tale,  setting  forth  how  I 
had  been  unfortunate  in  Business  in  Holland  and  Flanders,  and 
was  earning  an  honest  Livelihood  by  playing  a  Dog  in  a  Panto¬ 
mime.  The  people  in  the  Wine-shop  could  not  but  bear  me  out  in 
stating  that  I  had  come  across  the  "Red-  faced  Man  by  pure  Accident, 
and  was  no  Friend  of  his.  It  was  moreover  established  by  the 
Police,  that  I  had  not  been  seen  in  Damiens ’s  company  after  the 
Night  I  first  met  him,  and  that  I  had  a  legitimate  call  to  be  at 
Versailles  on  the  day  of  the  Assassination;  so  that,  after  about  a 
fortnight’s  detention,  I  was  set  at  Liberty,  to  my  own  great  joy 
and  that  of  my  good  and  kind  Mistress  Lilias,  who  had  now  repaid 
ten-thousand-fokl  whatever  paltry  Service  I  had  been  fortunate 
enough  to  fender  her.  Nay,  this  seeming  Misadventure  was  of 
present  service  to  me;  for  his  Eminence  was  pleased  to  say  that  he 
should  be  glad  to  hear  something  more  concerning  me,  for  that  I 
seemed  a  Bold  Fellow;  and  at  an  Interview  with  him,  which  lasted 
more  than  an  Hour,  I  told  him  my  whole  Life  and  Adventures, 
which  caused  him  to  elevate  his  Eyebrows  not  a  little. 

“  Cospetto,  Signor  Dangerous,”  says  he  (for  though  he  spoke 
French  like  a  Native,  he  was  by  Birth  an  Italian,  and  sometimes- 
swore  in  that  Language),  ”  if  all  be  true  that  you  say — and  you  do 
not  look  like  a  Man  who  tells  Lies — you  have  led  a  strange  life. 
When  a  Boy,  you  were  nearly  Hanged;  and  now  at  the  mezzo 
cummin  of  Life  you  have  been  on  the  point  of  having  your  Limbs 
broken  on  a  St.  Andrew’s  Cross.  However,  we  must  see  what  we 
can  do  for  you.  Strength,  Valor,  Experience,  and  Discretion  do 
not  often  go  together;  but  I  give  you  credit  for  possessing  a  fair 
show  of  all  Four.  I  suppose,  now,  that  you  are  tired  of  squatting* 
at  the  Wicket  of  the  Infernal  Regions  at  the  Opera  House?” 

I  bowed  in  acknowledgment  of  his  Eminence’s  compliments,  and 
said  that  I  should  be  glad  of  any  Employment. 

“  Well,  well,”  continued  his  Eminence,  “  we  will  see.  At  pres¬ 
ent,  as  you  say  you  are  a  fair  Scholar,  my  Secretary  will  find  you 
some  work  in  copying  Letters.  And  here,  Signor  Dangerous,  take 
these  ten  Louis,  and  furnish  yourself  with  some  more  Clerkly  Attire 
than  your  present  trim.  It  would  never  do  -for  a  Prince  of  the 
Church  to  have  a  Flavor  of  the  Opera  Side-Scenes  about  his  house.” 

Unless  Rumor  lied  there  hung  sometimes  about  his  Eminence’s 
sumptuous  hotel  a  Flavor,  not  alone  of  the  Opera  Side- Scenes,  but 
of  the  Ballet-Dancers’  Tiring-room.  However,  let  that  pass.  I 
took  the  ten  Louis  with  many  Thanks;  and  six  hours  afterward 


288 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


was  strutting  about  in  a  suit  of  Black,  full  trimmed,  with  a  little 
short  Cloak,  for  all  the  world  like  a  Notary  s  Clerk. 

I  had  been  in  the  Employ  of  his  Eminence — who  showed  me 
daily  more  and  more  favor — about  a  month  when  all  Paris  was 
agog  with  the  News  that  the  Monster  Parricide  and  Hell-Hound  (as 
they  called  him  from  the  Pulpit),  Robert  Francois  Damiens,  was  to 
suffer  the  last  Penalty  of  his'  Crime.  I  know  not  what  strange 
horrible  fascination  I  yielded  to,  but  I  could  not  resist  the  desire  to 
see  the  End  of  the  Red-faced  Man.  I  went.  The  Tragedy  took 
place  on  the  Place  de  Greve;  but  ere  he  came  on  to  his  last  Scene, 
Damiens  had  gone  through  other  Woes  well-nigh  unutterable.  I 
speak  not  of  his  performing  the  amende  honorable,  bare-footed,  in 
his  Shirt,  a  Halter  round  his  Neck,  and  a  lighted  Taper  of  six 
pounds’  weight  in  his  Hand,  at  the  Church-door,  confessing  his 
Crime,  and  asking  Pardon  of  God,  the  King,  and  all  Christian 
Men.  Ah!  no;  he  had  suffered  more  than  this.  Part  of  his  Sen¬ 
tence  was  that,  prior  to  Execution,  he  was  to  undergo  the  Question 
Ordinary  and  Extraordinary;  and  so  at  the  Conciergerie,  in  the 
presence  of  Presidents,  Counselors  of  the  Parliament,  Great  Noble¬ 
men  of  the  Court,  and  other  Dignitaries,  the  poor  Thing  was  put 
into  the  Brodequins,  or  Boots,  and  wedge  after  wedge  driven  in 
between  his  Legs — already  raw  and  inflamed  with  the  Devilries  of 
the  President  Machault — and  the  Iron  Incasement.  He  rent  the  air 
with  his  Screams,  until  the  Surgeons  declared  that  he  could  hold 
out  no  longer.  But  he  confessed  nothing;  for  what  had  he  to  con¬ 
fess? 

Then  came  the  last  awful  Day,  when  all  this  Agony  was  to  end. 
I  saw  it  all.  The  Greve  was  densely  packed;  and  although  the  space 
is  not  a  third  so  large  as  Tower  Hill,  there  seemed  to  be  Thousands 
more  persons  present  than  at  the  beheading  of  my  Lord  Lovat.  A 
sorrier  Sight  was  it  to  see  the  windows  of  the  Hotel  de  Yille 
thronged  with  Great  Ladies  of  the  Court,  many  of  them  Young 
and  Beautiful,  and  all  bravely  Dressed,  who  laughed  and  chattered 
and  eat  Sweetmeats  while  the  Terrible  Show  was  going  on.  The 
Sentence  ran,  that  the  Assassin’s  Hand,  holding  the  Knife  which  he 
had  used,  should  be  Burned  in  a  Slow-fire  of  Sulphur.  Then  that 
his  Flesh  should  be  torn  on  the  breast,  Arms,  Stomach,  Thighs, 
and  Calves  of  the  Legs  with  Pincers;  and  then  that  into  the  gaping 
Wounds  there  should  be  poured  Melted  Lead,  Rosin,  Pilch,  Wax, 
and  Boiling  Oil.  And  finally,  that  by  the  Four  Extremities  he 
should  be  attached  to  Four  Horses,  and  rent  Asunder;  his  Body 
then  to  be  Burned,  and  his  Ashes  scattered  to  the  Winds.  There 


CAPTAIN  DANGEKOUS. 


289 


was  nothing  said  about  the  Lord  having  mercy  upon  his  Soul;  but 
careful  injunction  was  made  that  he  was  to  be  condemned  in  the 
Costs  of  the  Prosecution. 

All  this  was  done,  although  I  sicken  to  record  it,  -but  in  the  most 
Blundering  Butcherly  manner.  The  Chief  Executioner  of  the  Par¬ 
liament  was  Sick,  and  so  the  task  was  deputed  to  his  Nephew, 
Gabriel  Sanson,  who  being,  notwithstanding  his  Sanguinary  Office 
(which  is  hereditary),  a  Humane  kind  of  Young  Man,  was  all  in  a 
Shiver  at  what  he  had  to  perform,  and  quite  lost  his  Head.  Both 
his  Yalets,  or  Under-Hangmen,  were  Drunk.  They  had  forgotten 
the  Pitch,  Oil,  Rosin,  and  other  things;  and  at  the  last  moment  they 
had  to  be  sent  for  to  the  neighboring  Grocers’.  But  these  Shop¬ 
keepers  declared,  out  of  humanity,  that  they  had  them  not;  where¬ 
upon  Guards  and  Exempts  were  sent,  who  searched  their  Stores, 
and  seized  what  was  wanted  in  the  King’s  Name.  Then  the  Fiend 
ish  Show  began.  I  can  hear  the  miserable  man’s  Shrieks  as  I  sit 
writing  this  now.  But  no  more. 

So  strong  is  our  Human  Frame,  that  the  great  string  Brewer’s 
Horses,  although  Dragged  and  Whipped  this  way  and  t’other,  could 
not  pull  his  limbs  Asunder.  So  the  Surgeons  were  obliged  to  sever 
the  great  Sinews  with  Knives,  and  then  the  Horses  managed  it  some¬ 
how. 

Note. — When  the  Horses  were  Lashed,  to  make  ’em  pull  Lustily, 
the  Fine  Ladies  at  the  windows  fluttered  their  Fans,  and,  in  their 
sweet  little  Court  Lingo,  cried  out  compassionately,  “  Oh,  lespauv' 
Zemux!" — “Oh,  the  poor  Dobbins!”  They  didn’t  say  anything 
about  a  poor  Damiens. 

Note  also,  that  when  they  took  his  Head,  to  cram  it  into  the 
Brazier,  and  burn  it  with  the  rest  of  his  Members,  they  found  that 
his  Hair,  which  when  he  was  arrested  was  of  a  Dark  Brown,  had 
turned  quite  White. 

This  Story  is  Naked  Truth,  and  it  was  done  in  the  Christian 
country  of  France,  and  in  the  Year  of  our  Lord  Seventeen  Hundred 
and  Fifty  Seven.  It  all  fell  out  because  a  poor,  ignorant,  half-crazy 
Serving-Man  chose  to  muddle  his  Head  about  the  Archbishop  of 
Paris  and  his  Billets  of  Confession,  and  because  he  would  not  go  to 
a  Chirurgeon  and  be  let  Blood  when  Jack  Dangerous  bade  him. 

A  week  after  this  his  Eminence  "was  pleased  to  send  for  me  into 

his  Cabinet,  and  told  me  that  he  had  heard  great  Accounts  from 

his  Secretary  of  my  Parts,  Application,  and  Capacity,  and  that  he 

designed  to  restore  me  to  the  position  of  a  Gentleman.  He  asked 

me  if  I  had  a  mind  for  a  particular  Employment  and  a  Secret  Mis- 
10 


290 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


sion;  and  on  my  signifying  my  willingness  to  embark  in  such  an 
Undertaking,  bade  me  hold  myself  in  readiness  to  travel  forthwith 
into  Italy. 


CHAPTER  THE  TWENTY-THIRD. 

OF  MY  SECRET  EMPLOYMENT  IN  THE  SERVICE  OF  THE  CARDINAL, 

DE - . 

Paris  was  now  clearly  no  place  for  me;  so  bidding  adieu  to  my 
kind  Protectress,  I  made  what  haste  I  could  to  quit  the  city  where 
I  had  witnessed,  and  in  some  sense  been  implicated  in,  so  Frightful 
a  Tragedy.  There  had  always  been  mingled  with  my  Adventurous 
Temperament  a  turn  for  sober  Reflection;  and  I  did  not  fail  to  Re¬ 
flect  with  much  seriousness  upon  the  appalling  perils  from  which  I 
had  just,  by  the  Mercy  of  Providence,  escaped.  Setting  altogether 
on  one  side  the  Pretty  Sight  I  should  have  presented  had  I  been 
subject  to  the  Hellish  Tortures  which  this  poor  crazy  Wretch 
Damiens  underwent,  I  just  conceived  an  extreme  Horror  for  this 
fiendish  yet  frivolous  People,  who  could  mingle  the  twirling  of 
Fans  and  the  sucking  of  Sugar-plums  with  the  most  excruciating 
Torments  ever  inflicted  upon  a  Human  Being.  At  least,  so  I  rea¬ 
soned  to  myself,  if  we  English  hang  and  disembowel  a  Traitor,  at 
least  we  strangle  him  first;  and  though  the  sentence  is  Bloodthirsty, 
the  mob  would  rend  Squire  Ketch  in  pieces  were  it  known  that  a 
Spark  of  Life  remained  in  the  Body  of  the  Patient  when  the  Hang¬ 
man’s  Knife  touched  his  Breast;  but  these  Frenchmen  have  neither 
Humanity  nor  Decency,  and  positively  pet  and  pamper  up  their 
Victim  in  order  that  he  may  be  the  better  able  to  endure  the  full 
effects  of  their  infernal  Spite. 

Not  without  considerable  Misgivings  did  I  undertake  my  new 
Employment,  the  more  so  as  I  was  both  forbidden  and  ashamed  to 
impart  any  inkling  of  its  nature  to  my  dear  Mistresss.  Say  what 
you  will,  no  man  that  lias  a  spark  of  Honesty  remaining  in  him  can 
have  much  relish  for  the  calling  of  a  spy.  I  tried  hard  to  persuade 
myself  that  this  was  a  kind  of  Diplomatic  Employment;  that  I  was 
intrusted  with  secrets  cf  state;  and  that  by  faithfully  carrying  out 
my  Instructions,  I  was  serving  the  cause  of  Civilization,  and  in  my 
humble  way  helping  to  maintain  the  Peace  of  Europe.  For  in  all 
ages  there  have  been,  and  in  all  to  come  there  must  be,  sober  and 
discreet  Persons  to  act  as  Emissaries,  to  inquire  into  the  conditions 
of  the  People,  and  bring  back  Tidings  of  the  Nakedness  or  Fertility 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


2  91 

of  the  land.  It  would  never  have  been  known  that  there  was  Corn 
in  Egypt,  but  for  the  sagacious  Investigations  of  Messengers  sent  to 
quest  about  in  the  interest  of  a  Famished  Community.  Neverthe¬ 
less  I  admit  that,  although  I  spread  much  such  Balsam  upon  my 
galled  and  chafed  Conscience,  I  could  not  avoid  a  dismal  Distrust 
that  all  these  Arguments  were  vain  and  sophistical.  The  words, 
“  Spy,  Spy,  Spy,”  haunted  me  both  by  day  and  by  night.  I  saw, 
in  imagination,  the  Finger  of  Derision  pointed  at  me,  and  heard,  in 
spirit,  the  wagging  of  the  Tongues  of  Evil-minded  Men.  The  worst 
of  it  was,  that  the  occult  nature  of  my  Mission  prevented  me  from 
loudly  proclaiming  my  Honesty  in  order  to  vindicate  it  against  all 
comers,  and  glued  my  Sword  to  its  Scabbard,  whence  it  would 
otherwise  furiously  have  leaped  to  avenge  the  merest  Slight  put 
upon  me. 

His  Eminence  the  Cardinal  de - was  pleased  to  equip  me  for 

my  Journey  in  the  most  munificent  Manner.  First  he  directed  me 
to  procure  a  plentiful  stock  of  Clothes  both  for  traveling  and  for 
gala  Occasions,  not  forgetting  a  couple  of  good  serviceable  Rapiers, 
as  well  as  a  Walking-sword,  a  Dress- foil,  and  a  Hanger,  with  a 
pair  of  Holster  Pistols,  and  two  smaller  ones  of  Steel  in  case  of 
Emergencies.  Also,  by  his  advice,  within  the  lining  of  my  Coat, 
by  the  nape  of  my  Neck,  just  where  the  bag  of  my  Wig  hung,  I 
secreted  a  neat  little  Poniard  or  Dagger.  In  a  small  Emerald  Ring, 
of  which  he  made  me  a  Present,  was  compactly  stowed  a  quantity 
of  very  subtle  and  potent  Poison,  sufficient  to  kill  Two  Men.  “  One 
never  knows  what  may  happen,  dear  Captain,”  says  his  Eminence 
to  me,  with  his  unctuous  Smile.  “  Your  Profession  is  One  of  sud¬ 
den  Risks,  leading  sometimes  to  prospects  of  painful  Inconvenience. 
If  you  are  brought  to  such  a  pass  that  all  your  Ingenuity  will  not 
enable  you  to  extricate  yourself  from  it,  and  if  you  have  any  ra¬ 
tional  Objection,  say,  to  being  Burned  Alive,  or  Broken  on  the 
Wheel,  ’tis  always  as  well  to  have  the  means  at  hand  of  executing 
one’s  self  with  genteel  Tranquillity.  Such  means  you  will  always 
carry  with  you  on  your  Little  Finger;  and  I  can  see,  by  the  circum¬ 
ference  of  the  Ring,  that  ’tis  only  by  Sawing  off  that  it  can  be  got 
from  off  your  Digit.  Poison  yourself,  then,  mio  caro,  if  you  see 
no  other  way  of  getting  out  of  the  Scrape;  but  pray  remember  this! 
That  he  who  has  poison  about  him,  and  only  enough  for  one,  is  an 
Ass.  Always  carry  enough  for  Two.  The  immersion  of  that  little 
finger  in  a  Glass  of  Wine,  and  the  pressure  of  a  little  Spring,  would 
make  Hercules  so  much  cold  chicken  in  a  Moment.  There  are 
times,  dear  Captain,  when  you  may  have  to  save  Half  3^our  Potion 


292 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


to  kill  yourself,  but  when  you  may  safely  lay  out  the  other  Half 
with  the  view  of  killing  somebody  else.”  A  mighty  pleasant  Way 
had  his  Eminence  with  him;  and  his  conversation  was  a  kind  of 
Borgia  Brocade  shot  with  Macliiavelism. 

My  Dispatches  and  other  Secret  Documents  I  was  to  carry  neatly 
folded  and  molded  within  a  Ball  of  Wax  not  much  larger  than  a 
Pill.  This  again  was  put  into  a  Comfit-box  of  Gold,  and  suspended 
by  a  minute  but  strong  Chain  of  Steel  round  my  Neck. 

,f  In  difficult  Circumstances,”  says  his  Eminence,  “  you  will  open 
that  Comfit-box  and  swallow  that  little  Ball  of  Wax.  I  have  often 
thought,”  he  pursued,  “  that  Spies,  to  be  perfect  in  their  Vocation, 
should  first  of  all  be  apprenticed  to  Mountebanks.  At  the  Fair  of 
St.  Germain,  I  have  gazed  with  admiration  on  the  grotesquely 
bedizened  fellows  who  swallow  Swords,  Red-hot  Pokers,  and  Yards 
of  Ribbon  without  number,  and  thought  of  what  invaluable  service 
their  Powers  of  Gullet  would  be  in  the  rapid  and  effectual  conceal¬ 
ment  of  Documents  the  which  it  is  expedient  to  conceal  from  the 
eyes  of  the  Vulgar.” 

Again,  in  the  folds  of  a  silken  belt,  in  the  which  I  was  to  keep 
my  Letters  of  Credit  and  a  large  unset  Diamond,  in  case  I  should 
be  pressed  for  Money  in  places  where  there  were  no  Bankers — for 
Diamonds  are  convertible  into  Cash  from  one  end  of  the  World  10 
the  other,  except  among  the  Cannibals — in  this  Belt  was  a  little 
Scrap  of  Parchment  secured  between  two  squares  of  Glass,  and 
bearing  an  Inscription  in  minute  characters,  wiiich  I  was  unable  to 
decipher.  I  have  the  Scrap  of  Parchment  by  me  yet,  and  have 
shown  it  to  Dr.  Dubiety,  wTho  is  a  very  learned  man;  but  even  he 
is  puzzled  with  it;  and  beyond  opining  that  the  characters  are  either 
Arabic  or  Sanscrit,  can  not  give  me  any  information  regarding 
their  Purport. 

“  This  Parchment,”  observed  the  Cardinal,  when  he  delivered  it 
to  me,  “  will  be  of  no  serice  to  you  with  Civil  or  Military  Govern¬ 
ors,  and  it  will  be  wise  for  you  not  to  show  it  to  carnal-minded  Men; 
but  if  ever  you  get  into  difficulties  with  Holy  Mother  Church — I 
speak  not  of  Heretic  Communions — you  may  produce  it  at  once, 
and  it  will  be  sure  to  deliver  you  from  those  Fiery  Furnaces  and 
the  Jaws  of  those  Devouring  Dragons  of  whom  the  said  Holy 
Mother  Church  is  sometimes  forced  (through  the  perversity  of 
Mankind)  to  make  use.  ’  ’ 

Finally,  this  same  Belt  contained  a  curious  Contrivance,  by  means 
of  a  piece  of  Vellum  perforated  in  divers  places,  for  deciphering  the 
Letters  I  might  receive  from  his  Eminence  or  his  agents.  On  plac- 


.  CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


293 


ing*  the  Vellum  over  the  Letter  sent,  the  words  intended  to  meet  the 
eyes  of  the  recipient,  and  none  other,  would  appear  through  Ihe  in¬ 
cisions  made;  while,  the  Vellum  removed,  the  body  of  the  Epistle 
would  read  like  Ihe  veriest  Balderdash.  This  the  French  call  a 
chi  fire  a  grille,  and  ’tis  much  used  in  their  secret  Diplomatic  Affairs. 
The  best  of  it  is,  that  when  the  two  Parties  who  wish  to  correspond 
have  once  settled  where  the  incisions  are  to  be,  and  have  each  gotten 
their  grille,  or  Peephole  Vellum,  no  human  being  can,  under  ten 
thousand  combinations  of  letters,  and  years  of  toilsome  labor,  de¬ 
cipher  what  is  meant  to  be  expressed,  or  weed  out  the  few  Words 
of  Meaning  from  the  mass  of  surrounding  Rubbish. 

I  bad  his  Eminence  farewell,  having  the  honor  to  be  admitted  to 
his  petit  lever,  the  felicity  to  kiss  his  hand  and  receive  his  Benedic¬ 
tion,  and  the  distinction  of  being  conducted  down  the  Back  Stairs 
by  his  Maitre  d’ Hotel,  and  let  out  by  a  Side  Door  in  the  Garden 
wall  of  his  Mansion.  A  close  Chariot  took  me  one  morning  in  the 
Spring  of  ’58  to  the  Barriere  de  Lyon,  and  there  I  found  a  Chaise 
and  Post-horses,  and  was  soon  on  my  road  I  o  the  South,  with  three 
hundred  Louis  in  Gold  in  my  Valise,  and  a  Letter  of  Credit  for  any 
sum  under  five  hundred,  at  a  time  I  liked  to  draw,  in  my  Waist- 
belt.  I  was  Richer  in  Purse  and  more  bravely  Dressed  than  ever  I 
had  been  in  my  life,  and  traveled  under  the  name  of  the  Chevalier 
Escarbotin;  but  I  was  a  Spy,  and,  in  mine  own  eyes  I  was  the 
Meanest  of  the  Mean. 

A  happy  Mercurial  Temper  and  cheerful  Flow  of  Spirits  soon, 
however,  revived  within  me;  and,  ere  Ten  Leagues  of  my  Journey 
were  over,  the  Chevalier  Escarbotin  became  once  more  to  himself 
Jack  Dangerous.  “  I  will  work  the  Mine  of  my  Manhood.”  I  cried 
out  in  the  Chaise,  “  to  the  last  Vein  of  the  Ore.”  Vice  la  Joie  ! 
Yet  in  my  innermost  heart  did  I  wish  myself  once  more  with  Cap¬ 
tain  Blokes  as  the  daring  Supercargo  of  the  dear  old  “  Marquis,”  or 
else  a  Peaceful  Merchant  at  Amsterdam,  giving  good  advice  to  the 
Rogues  and  Sluts  in  the  Rasphuys.  Oh,  Mr.  Vandepeereboom,  Mr. 
V  andepeereboom ! 

Six  days  after  my  departure  from  Paris,  1  embarked  from  Mar¬ 
seilles  on  board  a  Tartane  bound  for  Genoa.  We  had  fine  sailing 
for  about  three  days,  till  by  contrary  winds  we  were  driven  into 
San  Remo,  a  pretty  Seaport  belonging  to  the  Genoese.  This  abounds 
so  much  with  Oranges,  Lemons,  and  other  Delicious  Fruit,  that  it 
is  called  the  Paradise  of  Italy.  So  on  to  Genoa,  where  the  Beggars 
live  in  Palaces  cheek  by  jowl  with  the  Nobles,  who  are  well-nigh 
as  beggarly  as  they;  and  the  Houses  are  as  lofty  as  any  in  Europe, 


294 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS.. 


and  the  Streets  between  them  as  dark  and  narrow  as  Adam  and  Eve 
Court  in  the  Strand.  The  Suburb  called  San  Pietro  d’Arena  is  very 
pretty  and  full  of  commodious  Villas.  There  are  thirty  Parish 
Churches,  and  at  San  Lorenzo  they  show  a  large  Dish  made  out  of 
One  Emerald,  which  they  say  was  given  to  King  Solomon  by  the 
Queen  of  Sheba.  The  Genoese  are  a  cunning  and  industrious  Peo¬ 
ple,  with  a  great  .gusto  for  the  Arts,  but  terrible  Thieves.  The 
Government  a  Republic,  lieadeil  by  a  Doge,  that  is  chosen  every 
two  years  from  among  the  Nobility,  and  must  be  a  Genoese,  at  least 
Fifty  years  of  age,  and  no  Byblow.  He  can  not  so  much  as  lie 
One  Night  out  of  the  City,  without  leave  had  from  the  Senate. 
When  he  is  elected,  they  place  a  Crown  of  Gold  on  his  Head,  and  a 
Scepter  in  his  Hand.  His  Robes  are  of  Crimson  Velvet,  and  he  has 
the  title  of  Serenity. 

Here  I  did  business  with  several  Persons  of  Consideration;  the 

Senators  B — c — i  and  Della  G - ,  the  rich  Banker  L - ,  and 

Monsignore  the  Archprelate  X - .  So  by  Cortona,  where  there  is 

a  strong  Castle  on  a  Hill,  to  Pavia,  an  old  decaying  City  on  the  River 
Tessin,  which  is  so  rapid  that  Bishop  Burnet  says  he  ran  down  the 
Stream  thirty  miles  in  three  hours  by  the  help  of  one  Rower  only. 
This  may  be,  or  t’other  way;  but  I  own  to  placing  little  faith  in  the 
veracity  of  these  Cat-in-Pan  Revolution  Bishops.  Here  (at  Pavia) 
is  a  Brass  Statue  of  Marcus  Antoninus  on  Horseback;  though  the 
Pavians  will  have  it  to  be  Charles  the  Fifth,  and  others  declare  it 
to  be  Constantine  the  Great. 

After  two  days  here,  waiting  for  Dispatches  from  his  Eminence, 
which  came  at  last  in  the  False  Bottom  of  a  Jar  of  Narbonne 
Honey,  and  I  answering  by  a  Billet  discreetly  buried  in  the  recesses 
of  a  large  Bologna  Sausage,  I  posted  to  Milan,  through  a  fertile  and 
delicious  country,  which  some  call  the  Garden  of  Italy.  A  broad, 
clean  place,  with  spacious  Streets;  but  the  Wine  and  Macaroni  not 
half  so  good  as  at  Genoa.  The  Cathedral  full  of  Relics,  some  of 
which  run  up  as  high  as  Abraham.  In  the  Ambrosian  Library  are 
a  power  of  Books,  and,  what  is  more  curious,  the  Dried  Heads  of 
several  Learned  Men — amongst  others,  that  of  our  Bishop  Fisher, 
whom  King  Harry  the  Eighth  put  to  Death  for  not  acknowledging 
his  Supremacy.  About  two  miles  from  hence  is  a  Curiosity,  ip  the 
shape  of  a  Building,  where,  if  you  fire  off  a  Pistol,  the  Sound  re¬ 
turns  about  Fifty  times.  ’Tis  done,  they  told  me  by  two  Parallel 
Walls  of  a  considerable  length,  which  reverberate  the  Sound  to  each 
other  till  the  undulation  is  quite  spent.  The  which,  being  so  in¬ 
formed,  I  was  as  wise  concerning  the  Echo  as  I  had  been  before. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


295 


It  was  my  Design  to  have  proceeded  from  Milan  either  to  Venice 
or  .  to  the  famous  Capital  City  of  Rome;  but  Instructions  from  his 
Eminence  forced  me  to  retrace  my  steps,  and  at  Genoa  I  embarked 
for  Naples.  This  is  a  very  handsome  place,  but  villainously  Dirty, 
and  governed  in  a  most  Despotic  Manner.  Nearly  all  the  Corn 
Country  round  about  belongs  to  the  Jesuits,  who  make  a  pretty 
Penny  by  it.  The  Taxes  very  high,  and  laid  on  Wine,  Meat,  Oil, 
and  other  Necessaries  of  Life;  indeed  on  everything  eatable  except 
Fruit  and  Fowls,  which  you  may  buy  for  a  Song.  All  Foreigners 
who  have  here  purchased  Estates  are  loaded  with  Extraordinary 
Taxes  and  Impositions.  The  City  is  remarkable  for  its  Silk  Stock¬ 
ings,  Waistcoats,  Breeches,  and  Caps;  Soap,  Perfume,  and  Snuff¬ 
boxes.  They  cool  their  Wine  with  Snow,  which  they  get  out  of 
pits  dug  in-  the  Mountain-sides.  Near  here,  too,  is  a  Burning 
Mountain  they  call  Vesuvio.  It  may  be  mighty  curious,  bul  ’tis  as 
great  a  Nuisance  and  Perpetual  Alarm  to  the  peaceable  Inhabitants 
of  Naples  as  a  Powder  Magazine.  Very  often  this  Vesuvio  gives 
itself  up  to  hideous  Bellowing,  causing  the  Windows,  nay  the  very 
Houses,  in  Naples  to  Shake,  and  then  it  vomits  forth  vast  Quantities 
of  melted  Stuff,,  which  streams  down  the  Mountain-sides  like  a  pot 
boiling  over.  Sometimes  it  darkens  the  Sun  with  Smoke,  causing 
a  kind  of  Eclipse;  then  a  Pillar  of  Black  Smoke  will  start  up  to  a 
prodigious  Height  in  the  air,  and  the  next  morning  you  will  find  the 
Court  and  Terrace  of  your  House,  be  it  ten  miles  away,  all  strewn 
with  Fine  Ashes  from  Vesuvio. 


CHAPTER  THE  TWENTY-FOURTH. 

I  FALL  INTO  THE  HANDS  OF  RECREANT  PAYNIMS,  AND  AM  RE¬ 
DUCED  TO  A  STATE  OF  MISERABLE  SLAVERY. 

I  think  I  should  have  been  much  better  off,  if,  stopping  at 
Naples,  1  had  fallen  into  the  blazing  Crater  at  Vesuvio,  and  have 
cast  up  again  into  the  air  in  the  shape  of  Red-hot  Ashes.  I  think 
it  would  have  been  better  for  me  to  be  Bitten  by  the  Tarantula 
Spider  (which  is  about  the  size  of  a  small  Nutmeg,  and  when  it  bites 
a  person  throws  him  into  all  kinds  of  Tumblings,  Anger,  Fear, 
Weeping,  Crazy  Talk,  and  Wild  Actions,  accompanied  by  a  kind  of 
Bedlam  Gambado),  than  to  have  gone  upon  the  pretty  Dance  I  was 
destined  to  Lead.  However,  there  was  no  discbeying  the  commands 
of  his  Eminence,  who,  in  his  Smooth  Italian  way,  told  me  at  Paris 


296 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


that  those  of  his  Servants  who  did  not  attend  to  his  Behests,  were 
much  subject  to  dying  Suddenly  after  Supper;  and  so,  Willy-nilly, 
I  sped  upon  my  Dark  Errand. 

Business  now  took  me  to  Venice.  This  is  a  very  grand  City, 
both  for  the  Magnificence  of  its  Nobles  and  the  Extent  of  its  Com¬ 
merce.  The  Doge  is  only  a  Sumptuous  kind  of  Puppet,  the  Real 
Government  being  invested  in  the  Seignory,  or  Council  of  Ten,  that 
carry  matters  with  a  very  High  Hand,  but,  on  the  whole,  give  Sat¬ 
isfaction  both  to  the  Quality  and  the  Common.  Here  are  numbers 
of  Priests  of  a  very  Free  Life  and  Conversation,  and  swarms  of 
Monks  that  are  notorious  Evil-doers;  for  during  the  Carnival  (a  very 
famous  one  here)  they  wear  Masks,  sing  upon  Stages,  and  fall  into 
many  other  Practices  unbecoming  their  Profession.  The  Venetian 
Nuns  are  the  merriest  in  all  Europe,  and  have  a  not  much  better 
Repute  than  the  Monks,  many  of  them  being  the  Daughters  of  the 
Nobility,  who  dispose  of  ’em  in  this  manner  to  save  the  Charges  of 
keeping  ’em  at  home.  They  wear  no  Veils;  have  their  Necks  un¬ 
covered;  and  receive  the  Addresses  of  -Suitors  at  the  Grates  of  their 
Parlors.  The  Patriarch  did  indeed  at  one  time  essay  to  Reform  the 
abuses  that  had  crept  into  the  Nunneries;  but  the  Ladies  of  San 
Giacomo,  with  whom  he  began,  told  him  plainly  that  they  were 
Noble  Venetians,  and  scorned  his  Regulations.  Thereupon  he  at¬ 
tempted  to  shut  up  their  House,  which  so  provoked  ’em  that  they 
were  going  to  set  Fire  to  it;  but  the  Senate  interposing,  commanded 
the  Patriarch  to  desist,  and  these  Merry  Maidens  had  full  liberty 
to  resume  their  Madcap  Pranks.  ^ 

Here  they  make  excellent  fine  Drinking-glasses  and  Mirrors;  like¬ 
wise  Gold  and  Silver  Stuffs,  Turpentine,  Cream  of  Tartar,  and 
other  articles.  The  Streets  mostly  with  Water  running  through  ’em, 
like  unto  Rotterdam,  all  going  to  and  fro  done  in  Boats  called 
Gondolas — a  dismal,  Hearse-looking  kind  of  Wherry,  with  a  prow 
like  the  head  of  a  Bass-Viol,  and  rowed,  or  rather  shoved  along  with 
a  Pole  by  a  Mad,  Ragged  Fellow,  that  bawls  out  verses  from  Tasso, 
one  of  their  Poets,  as  he  plies  his  Oar.  The  great  Sight  at  Venice, 
after  the  Grand  Canal  and  St.  Mark’s  Place,  is  the  Carnival,  which 
begins  on  the  Twelfth  Day,  and  holds  all  Lent.  The  Diversion  of 
the  Venetians  is  now  all  for  Masquerading.  Under  a  Disguise,  they 
break  through  their  Natural  Gravity,  and  fall  heartily  into  all  the 
Follies  and  Extravagances  of  these  occasions.  With  Operas,  Plays, 
and  Gaming-Houses,  they  seem  to  forget  all  Habits,  Customs,  and 
Laws;  lay  aside  all  cares  of  Business,  and  Swamp  all  Distinctions 
of  Rank.  This  practice  of  Masking  gives  rise  to  a  variety  of  Love 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


297 


Adventures,  of  which  the  less  said  the  better;  for  the  Venetian  Bona 
Robas,  or  Corteggiane,  as  they  call  ’em  now,  are  a  most  Artful 
Generation.  The  pursuit  of  Amours  is  often  accompanied  by 
Broils  and  Bloodshed;  and  Fiery  Temper  is  not  confined  to  the 
Men,  but  often  breaks  out  in  the  Weaker  Sex;  an  instance  of  which 
I  saw  one  day  in  St.  Mark’s  Place,  where  two  Fine  Women,  Masked, 
that  were  •  Rivals  for  the  favor  of  the  same  Gallant,  happening  to 
meet,  and  by  some  means  knowing  one  another,  they  fell  out,  went 
to  Cuffs,  tore  off  each  other’s  Mask,  and  at  last  drew  Knives  out  of 
their  pockets,  with  which  they  Fought  so  seriously,  that  one  of 
them  was  left  for  Dead  upon  the  Spot. 

Another  Frolic  of  the  Carnival  is  Gaming,  which  is  commonly  in 
Noblemen’s  Houses,  where  there  are  Tables  for  that  purpose  in  ten 
or  twelve  Rooms  on  a  floor,  and  seldom  without  abundance  of  Com' 
pany,  who  are  all  Masked,  and  observe  a  profound  Silence.  Here 
one  meets  Ladies  of  Pleasure  cheek  by  jowl  with  Ladies  of  Quality, 
who,  under  the  protection  of  a  convenient  piece  of  Black  Satin  or 
Velvet,  are  allowed  to  enjoy  the  entertainments  of  the  Season;  but 
are  generally  attended  either  by  the  Husband  or  his  Spies,  who  keep 
a  watchful  eye  on  their  Behavior.  Besides  these  Gaming- Rooms, 
there  are  others,  where  Sweetmeats,  Wine,  Lemonade,  and  other 
Refreshments  may  be  purchased,  the  Haughty  Nobility  of  Venice 
not  disdaining  to  turn  Tavern-keepers  at  this  season  of  the  year. 
Here  it  is  usual  for  Gentlemen  to  address  the  Ladies  and  employ 
their  wit  and  raillery;  but  they  must  take  care  to  keep  within  the 
bounds  of  Politeness,  or  they  may  draw  upon  themselves  the  Resent¬ 
ment  of  the  Husbands,  who  seldom  put  up  with  an  Affront  of  this 
kind,  though  perhaps  only  imaginary,  without  exacting  a  severe 
Satisfaction.  For  the  Common  People  there  are  Jugglers,  Rope- 
dancers,  Fortune-tellers,  and  other  Buffoons,  who  have  stages  in 
the  Square  of  St.  Mark,  where,  at  all  times  during  the  Carnival,  ’  tis 
almost  impossible  to  pass  along,  owing  to  the  Crowd  of  Masquerad¬ 
ers.  Bull  Baitings,  Races  of  Gondolas,  and  other  Amusements, 
too  tedious  to  enumerate,  also  take  place.  But  among  the  several 
Shows  which  attract  the  eyes  of  the  Populace,  I  can  not  forbear  de¬ 
scribing  one  which  is  remarkable  for  its  oddity,  and  perhaps  pecul¬ 
iar  to  the  Venetians.  A  number  of  Men,  by  the  help  of  Poles  laid 
across  each-  other’s  Shoulders,  build  themselves  up  almost  as  chil¬ 
dren  do  Cards — four  or  five  Rows  of  ’em  standing  one  above  the 
other,  and  lessening  as  they  advance  in  height,  till  at  last  a  little  Boy 
forms  the  Top,  or  Point,  of  the  Structure.  After  they  have  stood 
in  this  manner,  to  be  gazed  at,  some  time,  the  Boy  leaps  down  into 


298 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


the  arms  of  people  appointed  to  catch  him  at  the  Bottom;  the  rest 
follow  his  example,  and  so  the  whole  Pile  falls  to  Pieces. 

The  Nobility  of  Venice  are  remarkable  for  their  Persons  as  well 
as  for  their  Polite  Behavior,  and  have  a  great  deal  of  Gravity  and 
Wisdom  in  their  Countenances.  They  wear  a  light  Cap  with  a  kind 
of  black  Fringe,  and  a  long  black  Gown  of  Paduan  Cloth,  as  their 
Laws  require;  though  the  English  have  found  means  to  introduce 
their  Manufactures  among  ’em.  Underneath  these  Gowns  they 
have  suits  of  Silk;  and  are  extremely  neat  as  to  their  Shoes  and 
Stockings.  Their  Perukes  are  long,  full-bottomed,  and  very  well 
Powdered;  and  they  usually  carry  their  Caps  in  their  Hands.  The 
Women  very  well  shaped,  though  they  endeavor  to  improve  their 
Complexions  with  Washes  and  Paint.  Those  of  Quality  wear  such 
High-heeled  Shoes,  that  they  can  scarce  walk  without  having  two 
people  to  support  them.  In  matters  of  Religion  (though  their  wor¬ 
ship  is  as  pompous  as  Gold  aud  Jewels  can  make  it)  the  Venetians 
are  very  Easy  and  Unconcerned;  and  neither  Pope  nor  Inquisition 
is  thought  much  of  in  the  Dominions  of  the  Seignory.  For  Music 
in  their  Churches  they  have  a  perfect  Passion.  The  City  is  well 
furnished  with  Necessaries;  but  the  want  of  Cellarage  makes  all 
the  Wine  sour.  The  Inhabitants  are  of  a  Fresh  Complexion,  and 
not  much  troubled  with  Coughs;  which  is  strange,  they  having  so 
much  Water  about  ’em.  They  begin  their  day  at  Sunset,  and  count 
one  o'clock  an  hour  after,  and  so  on  to  twenty-four;  which  is  like¬ 
wise  a  Custom,  I  believe,  among  the  Chinese. 

They  bury  their  Dead  within  the  Four-and-Twenty  Hours,  and 
sometimes  sooner.  The  Funerals  of  Persons  of  Quality  are  per¬ 
formed  with  great  Pomp  and  Solemnity;  and  the  deceased  are  car 
ried  to  the  Place  of  Interment  with  their  Faces  bare.  Whilst  I  was 
in  Venice,  their  Patriarch  (who  is  a  kind  of  Independent  Pontiff  in 
his  own  way;  for,  as  I  have  said,  they  reckon  but  little  of  his  Holi¬ 
ness  here)  died,  and  was  buried  ’with  this  Cerehionv.  He  was 
carried  in  one  of  his  own  Coaches,  by  night,  to  St.  Mark’s 
Church,  which  was  all  hung  with  Black  for  the  occasion;  and  next 
day  the  Corpse  was  laid  on  a  Bed  in  the  very  middle  of  the 
Church,  dressed  in  the  Sacerdotal  Habit,  with  the  Head  toward  the 
Choir,  and  his  Tiara,  or  Miter,  lying  at  the  feet.  At  each  corner  of 
the  bed  stood  a  valet  de  chambre,  holding  a  Banner  of  Black  Taffety, 
with  the  Arms  of  the  Deceased.  A  hundred  large  Wax  Tapers 
were  placed  in  Candlesticks  round  the  Bed,  and  High  Mass  was 
sung;  the  Sopranos  very  beautiful.  After  Mass  was  over,  all  re¬ 
tired;  but  the  Body  lay  exposed  till  evening,  when  it  was  stripped 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


299 


of  its  Vestments  (for  though  a  very  Gorgeous  people,  they  are 
Economical  in  their  ways),  and  put  into  a  Leaden  Coffin,  inclosed 
in  another  of  Cypress,  and  was  then  let  down  into  the  Grave.  Tis 
not  usual  with  the  Relations  to  attend  the  Funeral,  which  they  look 
upon  as  a  Barbarous  Custom.  But  they  wear  Mourning  longer  and 
more  regularly  than  in  many  other  countries.  A  woman  in  a 
Mourning  Habit  appears  Black  from  Head  to  Foot,  not  the  least  bit 
of  Linen  being  to  be  seen. 

The  nature  of  my  Employment  now  brought  me  into  intimate 

Commerce  with  Monsieur  B - ,  a  French  Merchant  of  Lyons,  who 

treated  me  with  extraordinary  Civility,  and  made  great  Offers  of 
being  of  Assistance  to  me  in  my  Voyage  to  Constantinople,  whither 
I  was  now  Bound.  This  Gentleman,  by  means  of  the  French  Em¬ 
bassador  at  the  Porte,  had  gotten  a  Firman,  or  Passport,  to  enable 
him  to  Travel  to  that  City,  and,  with  a  proper  number  of  Attend¬ 
ants,  through  any  part  of  the  Turkish  Dominions.  As  ’tis  incon¬ 
venient  and  dangerous  voyaging  through  the  Territories  of  the  Great 
Turk  without  such  a  Protection,  nothing  could  be  more  Agreeable 
than  the  offer  he  made  me  of  his  Company,  the  more  so  as  his  Emi 
nence  had  enjoined  me  to  keep  a  Strict  Watch  upon  everything 
that  M.  B - said  or  did.  He  had  designed  to  reach  Constanti¬ 

nople  by  Land  through  Bosnia,  Servia,  Bulgaria,  and  Roumania; 
yet,  in  compliance  with  my  Inclination  (I  wish  my  Inclination  had 
been  at  the  Deuce),  which  was  all  for  a  Sea  Passage,  he  consented 
to  embark  on  board  a  Vessel  bound  to  Candia  and  other  Islands  of 
the  Archipelago,  from  which  we  were  to  procure  a  Passage  to  the 
Capital  of  the  Ottoman  Empire,  TV  hat  made  this  Gentleman’s 
Society  more  acceptable,  was  his  thorough  Knowledge  of  the  Trade 
of  the  Levant,  and  the  Genius  and  Temper  of  the  People.  Thus, 
he  informed  me  of  the  Method  of  Dealing  with  Jews,  Armenians, 
and  Greeks;  of  the  Eastern  manner  of  traveling  in  Caravans,  and 
the  necessary  precautions  against  such  Accidents  as  are  mostly 
fatal  to  Strangers;  and  instructed  me  in  the  Art  of  concealing 
Things  of  Value — although  I  think  I  too  could  have  given  him  a 
Lesson  in  that  Device — and  avoiding  those  Snares  which  Governors, 
Military  Officers,  and  Petty  Princes  make  use  of  in  order  to  plunder 
Travelers  and  Merchants.  Under  these  favorable  Auspices,  we  em¬ 
barked  in  the  Autumn  of  ’37,  on  board  a  Trading  Vessel  called  the 
“  San  Maro,”  bound  for  Candia,  but  first  for  Malta,  so  famous  for 
its  Order  of  Knights.  A  fine  Gale  at  North-West  carried  us  pleas¬ 
antly  down  the  Gulf  of  Venice,  or  Adriatic  Sea;  and  on  the  fifth 
day  we  came  in  sight  of  Otranto,  a  Town  destroyed  by  the  Turks 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


300 

nigli  Three  Hundred  veal's  ago,  since  which  time  it  has  hardly  re¬ 
gained  its  Ancient  Luster,  but  at  present  well  Fortified,  and  de¬ 
fended  by  a  High  Castle,  which  I  have  heard  the  Honorable  Mr. 
Walpole,  a  Fine,  Lardy-Dardy,  Macaroni  Gentleman,  that  lives  at 
a  place  called  Strawberry  Hill,  by  Twitnam,  in  England,  has  writ¬ 
ten  a  silly  Romantic  Tale  about.  So  we  got  clear  of  the  Gulf  of 
Venice,  and  in  three  days  more,  after  making  Cape  Passaro,  in 
Sicily,  entered  the  Haven  of  Malta. 

This  is  an  Island  that  lies  between  Sicily  and  the  Coast  of  Africa, 
and  is  of  an  Egg-shaped  figure,  about  twenty  miles  long  and  twelve 
broad.  The  City  of  Malta  is  divided  into  three  parts,  which  are 
properly  so  many  Rocks  jutting  out  into  the  Sea,  with  large  Har¬ 
bors  between  them.  That  called  Valetta,  in  honor  of  the  Grand 
Master  who  so  gallantly  defended  the  place  against  the  Turks,  is 
extremely  well  Fortified,  and  also  defended  by  a  Castle,  held  to  be 
impregnable.  The  City  contains  about  Two  Thousand  Houses,  well 
built  with  white  Stone,  and  Flat-roofed,  surrounded  by  Rails  and 
Balusters.  On  t’other  side  of  the  Harbor  is  another  City,  formerly 
called  II  Borgo,  or  the  Borough,  but  now  named  Citta  Vittoriosa, 
alluding  to  the  terrible  Mauling  the  Turks  gol  here  in  1566.  St. 
John’s  Church  very  handsome,  and  on  one  side  of  it  a  fine  Piazza, 
with  a  Fountain  in  the  corner.  Here  are  all  the  Tombs  of  the 
Grand  Masters,  and  a  great  many  Flags  taken  from  the  Turks.  The 
Right  Hand  of  St.  John  Baptist,  wanting  but  Two  Fingers,  shown 
here  for  Money,  with  many  other  Relics  and  Ornaments.  The 
Grand  Master  lives  in  a  magnificent  Palace;  and  close  by  is  an 
Arsenal,  with  Arms  for  Thirty  Thousand  Men. 

The  Treasury  is  a  very  stately  Edifice;  but  what  gives  the  high¬ 
est  Idea  of  the  Charity  of  this  illustrious  Order  is  their  noble  Hos¬ 
pital,  where  all  the  Sick  are  received  and  provided  for  with  the  ut¬ 
most  Care.  The  Rooms  are  large  and  commodious,  and  in  each  of 
them  there  are  but  two  Patients.  Their  Diet  is  brought  to  them  in 
rich  Silver  Plate  by  the  Knights  themselves,  who  are  obliged  to 
this  Attendance  by  their  Constitutions;  and  such  an  exact  Decorum 
is  observed,  and  everything  performed  with  such  Magnificence, 
that  it  raises  the  astonishment  of  Strangers. 

But  if  there  be  Charity  and  Benevolence  for  the  Christian  Sick, 
there  is  little  Mercy  shown  toward  Infidels  and  Miscreants.  The 
Prison  for  the  Slaves  is  an  enormous  Building,  with  a  Colonnade 
running  round  it,  and  capable  of  lodging  three  or  four  thousand  of 
those  Unhappy  People.  There  are  seldom  less  than  Two  Thousand 
in  the  House,  except  when  the  Galleys  of  the  Order  are  at  Sea  upon 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


301 


some  Expedition.  Then  the  Poor  Wretches  are  Chained,  Night  and 
Day,  to  the  Oar;  but  when  on  Shore  they  have  only  a  small  Lock 
on  their  Ankles,  like  the  slaves  at  Leghorn,  and  are  permitted  to  go 
to  any  part  of  the  Island,  from  which  they  have  seldom  an  oppor¬ 
tunity  of  making  their  Escape. 

The  Knights  of  the  Order  of  St.  John  of  Jerusalem,  commonly 
called  Knights  of  Malta,  after  removing  from  Jerusalem  to  Magratli, 
from  thence  to  Acre,  and  thence  to  Rhodes,  were  expelled  from 
that  Island  by  the  Sultan  Solyman,  having  an  Army  of  Three 
Hundred  Thousand  Men.  The  Knights  retired,  first  to  Candia, 
and  then  to  Sicily;  but  at  last  the  Emperor  Charles  the  Fifth  gave 
’em  the  Island  of  Malta,  which  they  hold  to  this  day.  They 
formerly  consisted  of  Eight  Languages  or  Tongues,  according  to 
their  Different  Nations,  viz.,  those  of  Provence,  Auvergne,  France, 
Italy,  Aragon,  Germany,  Castile,  and  England;  but  this  last  one 
has  been  extinct  since  our  Harry  the  Eighth’s  time,  and  what  En¬ 
glish  Knights  there  be  who  are  Papists  are  forced  to  find  their 
Tongue  where  they  can.  Each  of  the  Languages  has  its  Chiefs, 
who  are  also  called  Pillars  and  Grand  Crosses,  being  distinguished 
by  a  large  White  Cross  broidered  on  their  Breasts.  The  Seven 
Languages  have  their  respective  Colleges  and  Halls  in  Malta,  the 
Head  of  each  House  being  called  the  Grand  Prior  of  his  Nation; 
and  to  each  belongs  a  certain  number  of  his  Commanderies.  The 
Knights,  at  their  entrance  into  the  Order,  must  prove  their  Legiti¬ 
macy,  as  well  as  Nobility,  by  four  Descents,  and  are  termed  Cheva¬ 
liers  by  Right.  Those  who  are  raised  to  the  rank  of  Nobles,  for 
some  Valiant  Exploit,  are  called  Chevaliers  by  Favor.  None  are 
admitted  by  the  Statutes  of  the  Order  under  the  age  of  Sixteen;  but 
some  are  received  from  their  veiy  Infancy  on  paying  a  large  Sum 
of  Money,  or  by  Dispensation  from  the  Pope.  All  the  Knights  oblige 
themselves  to  Celibacy,  which  does  not  hinder  their  leading  very 
Disorderly  Lives;  and  indeed  Malta  is  full  of  Loose  Cattle  of  all 
kinds.  When  they  are  Professed,  a  Carpet  is  spread  on  the  Ground, 
on  which  are  set  a  Piece  of  Bread,  a  Cup  of  Water,  and  a  Naked 
Blade;  and  they  are  told,  “  This  is  what  Religion  gives  you.  You 
must  procure  yourself  the  rest  with  your  Sword.”  The  which  they 
do,  to  a  pretty  considerable  Tune,  by  spoiling  of  the  Turks.  After 
they  make  their  Vows,  they  wear  a  White  Cross  or  Star,  with  Eight 
Points,  over  their  Cloaks  or  Coats,  on  the  Left  Side,  which  is  the 
proper  Badge  of  their  Order,  the  Golden  Maltese  Cross  being  only 
an  Ornament.  The  ordinaiy  Habit  of  the  Grand  Master  is  a  kind 
of  Cassock,  open  before,  and  tied  about  him  with  a  Girdle,  at  which 


302 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


hangs  a  Purse,  alluding  to  the  Charitable  ends  of  their  Order — but 
’tis  not  to  be  denied  that  they  have  grown  very  Proud,  and  Live, 
many  of  ’em,  in  as  Shameful  Luxury  as  the  Prince  Bishops  of 
Germany.  Over  his  Cassock  the  Grand  Master  wears  a  Velvet 
Gown  or  Cloak  when  he  goes  to  Church  on  Solemn  Festivals.  He 
is  addressed  under  the  Title  of  Eriiinence  by  all  the  Knights;  but 
his  Subjects  of  Malta,  and  the  neighboring  Islands,  style  him  Your 
Highness.  As  Sovereign,  he  coins  Money,  pardons  Criminals,  and 
bestows  the  places  of  Grand  Priors,  Bailiffs,  etc. ;  but  in  most  cases 
of  importance  is  obliged  to  seek  the  advice  of  his  Council,  so  that 
he  is  not  wholly  Absolute.  The  Ecclesiastics  proper  of  the  Order 
— for  the  rest  are  but  Military  Monks,  that  do  a  great  deal  more 
Fighting  than  Praying,  and  savor  much  more  of  the  Camp  than  of 
the  Convent — are  Chaplains,  Monastic  Clerks,  and  Deacons.  They 
likewise  wear  a  White  Cross,  partake  of  the  Privileges  of  the  Insti¬ 
tution,  and  are  great  Rascals. 

’Tis  well  known  that  the  Knights  of  Malta  are  destined  to  the 
Profession  of  Arms  for  the  Defense  of  the  Christian  Faith,  and  the 
Protection  of  Pilgrims  of  all  Nations.  It  is  to  be  observed  that 
there  are  also  Female  Hospitallers  of  the  Order  of  St.  John,  some¬ 
times  called  Chevalieres,  or  She-Knights,  of  equal  Antiquity  with 
the  Knights,  whose  business  it  is  to  take  care  of  the  Women  Pil¬ 
grims  in  a  Hospital  apart  from  that  of  the  Men.  As  the  Order  look 
upon  the  Turks  as  the  Great  Enemies  of  Christianity,  they  think 
themselves  obliged  to  be  in  a  slate  of  perpetual  Hostility  with  that 
people,  and,  for  Centuries,  have  never  so  much  as  signed  the  pre¬ 
liminaries  of  a  Peace  with  ’em.  They  have  performed  innumerable 
and  astonishing  exploits  against  their  much-hated  Enemies,  the  In¬ 
solence  of  whose  Rovers  they  continue  to  Restrain  and  Chastise, 
except  when  the  Rovers,  as  sometimes  happens,  get  the  better  of 
’em.  They  have  Seven  Galleys  belonging  to  the  Order,  each  of 
which  carries  Five  Hundred  Men,  and  as  many  Wretches  in  Fetters 
tugging  away  at  the  Oar  for  Dear  Life.  Every  one  of  these  Gal¬ 
leys  mounts  Sixteen  Pieces  of  Heavy  Artillery;  and  besides  these 
they  fit  out  a  great  many  Private  Ships,  by  license  from  the  Grand 
Master,  to  cruise  up  and  down  among  the  Turks,  doing  great  Havoc, 
and  thereby  growing  very  Rich.  Thus  it  will  be  plain  to  the 
Reader,  that  a  Knight  of  Malta  is  a  kind  of  Medley  of  Seamen, 
Swashbuckler,  and  Saint — Admiral  Benbow,  Field-Marshal  Wade, 
and  Friar  Tuck  all  rolled  up  into  one. 

I  did  become  acquainted  with  one  of  these  Holy  Roistering 
Cavalieros,  by  the  name  of  Don  Ercolo  Amadeo  Sparafucile  di  San 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


303 


Lorenzo,  that  was  a  perfect  Model  of  all  these  Characteristics.  He 
Confessed  with  almost  as  great  regularity  as  he  Sinned.  The 
Chaplains  must  have  held  him  as  one  of  the  heartiest  of  Penitents; 
for  he  never  came  back  from  a  Cruise  without  a  whole  Sackful  of 
Misdeeds,  and  straightway  hied  him  to  St.  John’s  Church,  to  fling 
his  Sinful  Ballast  overboard  and  lighten  Ship.  How  he  swore!  I 
never  heard  a  man  take  the  entrails  of  Alexander  the  Great  in  vain 
before;  but  this  was  an  ordinary  expletive  with  Don  Ercolo.  He 
belonged  to  the  Italian  Language,  though  I  suspected  he  had  a  dash 
of  the  Spanish  in  him ;  and  many  a  Gay  Bout  over  the  choicest  of 
Wines  have  I  had  with  him  at  his  Inn,  as  their  College-halls  are 
sometimes  called.  He  could  drink  like  a  Fish,  and  fight  like  a 
Paladin.  He  was  a  good  Practical  Sailor  and  Master  of  Naviga¬ 
tion;  Rode  with  ease  and  dexterity;  and  was  a  Proficient  in  that 
most  difficult  trick  of  the  Manege,  that  of  riding  a  horse  en  Biais, 
as  the  French  term  it,  and  of  which  our  Newcastle  has  learnedly 
treated;  was  an  admirable  Performer  on  the  Guitar  and  Viol  di 
Gamba;  Sung  very  sweetly;  Fenced  exquisitely;  must  have  been  in 
his  Youth  (he  was  now  about  Sixty,  and  his  Hair  was  grizzled  gray) 
as  Beautiful  as  a  Woman,  as  Graceful  as  my  Sweet  Protectress 
Lilias,  as  Brave  as  the  Cid,  and  as  Cruel  as  Pedro  of  Spain.  As  it 
is  so  long  ago,  and  the  Principal  Parties  in  the  Affair  are  all  Dead, 

I  don’t  mind  disclosing  that  my  Instructions  from  his  Eminence  the 
Cardinal  were  to  Buy  the  Cavaliere  di  San  Lorenzo  at  any  Price.  I 
told  him  so  plainly  over  a  Flask  of  Right  Alicant,  at  a  little  Feast  I 
had  made  for  him  in  return  for  his  many  Hospitalities,  and  gave 
him  to  understand  that  he  had  but  to  say  the  vmrd,  and  Scroppa, 
the  great  Goldsmith  of  Strada  Reale,  would  be  glad  to  cash  his 
Draft  for  any  Sum  under  Fifty  Thousand  Ducats.  For  his  Emi¬ 
nence  wanted  the  Cavaliere  to  be  a  Friend  of  France,  and  France 
at  that  time  thought  that  she  very  much  wanted  the  Island  of  Malta. 

Don  Ercolo  was  not  in  the  least  angry;  only,  he  laughed  in  my 
Face. 

“Chevalier  Escarbotin,”  he  said  gayly,  “you  have  mistaken 

your  man.  Tell  his  Eminence  the  Cardinal  de - that  he  may  go 

and  hang  himself.  I  am  not  to  be  bought.  I  am  Rich  to  Two 
Hundred  and  Fifty  Thousand  ounces  of  Gold,  all  got  out  of  spoil¬ 
ing  the  Infidels.  When  I  die,  I  shall  leave  half  to  the  Order,  and 
half  to  the  families  of  certain  Poor  Women  Creatures  whom  I  have 
•wronged,  and  who  are  Dead.’’ 

I  said,  to  appease  him,  that  I  wras  but  Joking. 

“  Ta,  ta,  ta!’’  retorts  he.  “  I  knowr  your  Trade  well  enough.  I 


304 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


have  been  too  much  among  men  not  to  be  able  to  scent  out  a  Spy. 
But  you  are  a  very  Jovial  Fellow,  Escarbotin;  and  I  don’t  care 
what  you  are,  so  long  as  you  are  not  a  Turk,  which,  by  the  way,  I 
don’t  think  you  would  mind  turning.” 

“  Oh,  Signore  Cavaliere!” — I  began  to  expostulate. 

“  What  does  it  matter?”  quoth  Don  Ercolo.  “  Does  it  matter 
anything  at  all  ?  Perhaps  some  of  these  days,  when  I  am  tired  of 
the  Eight  Points,  I  shall  take  the  Turban  myself.” 

“  A  Renegado!”  I  cried. 

‘  ‘  Many  a  brave  Gentleman  has  turned  Renegado  ere  this,  ’  ’  an¬ 
swered  he.  “  Next  to  the  pleasure  of  Fighting  the  Turks,  I  should 
esteem  the  condition  of  being  a  Turk  myself,  and  fighting  against 
the  Order  of  Malta.  But  I  forgot.  You  are  a  Lutheran;  although 
how  you  came  to  bd  a  Protestant,  with  that  name  of  Escarbotin,  I 
can’t  make  out.” 

I  murmured  something  about  belonging  to  the  Reformed  Church 
at  Geneva;  although  I  forgot  that  they  were  mostly  Calvinists  there, 
not  Lutherans.  But  of  this  Don  Ercolo  took  little  notice,  and 
went  on. 

“  When  you  write  to  the  Cardinal,  tell  him  that  Ercolo  Armadeo 
Sparafucile  di  San  Lorenzo  is  not  to  be  purchased.  The  sly  old 
Fox!  He  knows  I  have  great  influence  with  my  Uncle  the  Grand 
Master.  Tell  him  that  I  am  very  much  obliged  to  him  for  his 
Offer,  and  thank  him  for  old  Acquaintance  sake.  Nay;  I  believe 
I  am  some  kind  of  Kinsman  of  liis  Eminence,  on  the  Mother’s  side. 
But  assure  him  tjiat  I  am  not  in  the  least  Angry  with  him.  If  I 
were  Poor,  I  should  probably  accept  his  Offer;  but  none  of  the 
Poor  Knights  of  our  Order  are  worth  Buying.  It  matters  little  to 
me  whether  France,  or  Spain,  or  even  Heretic  England  gets  hold  of 
this  scorching  Rock,  with  its  Swarms  of  Hussies  and  Rascals;  only 
I  prefer  amusing  myself,  and  fighting  the  Turks,  to  meddling  in 
Politics,  and  running  the  risk  of  a  life-long  dungeon  in  the  Castle 
of  St.  Elmo.” 

There  was  a  long  Silence  after  this,  and  he  seemed  plunged  in 
profound  Meditation.  Suddenly  he  fills  a  Cup  with  Wine,  drains 
it,  and,  in  his  old  careless  manner,  says  to  me, 

“Tell  him  this — be  sure  to  tell  him,  lest  he  should  be  at  the 
trouble  of  sending  Emissaries  to  Poison  me — I  have  the  best  Anti¬ 
dote  of  any  in  the  Levant,  and  shall  take  three  drops  of  it  after 
every  Bite  and  Sup  for  Six  Months  to  come.  Not  that  I  dread  you. 
All  Spy  as  you  are,  you  still  look  like  an  Honest  Fellow.  You 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


305 


would  not  poison  an  old  Friend,  would  you,  Little  Jack  Danger¬ 
ous?” 

I  started  to  my  feet,  and  stared  at  the  grizzled,  handsome  Knight 
in  blank  amazement.  We  had  been  conversing  in  the  French 
tongue;  but  the  latter  part  of  his  Speech  he  had  uttered  in  mine  own 
English,  and  with  a  faultless  accent.  Moreover,  where  before  had 
1  heard  that  Voice,  had  I  seen  that  Face?  My  Memory  rolled  back 
over  the  hills  and  valleys  of  years;  but  the  Mountains  were  too  high, 
and  (he  Recesses  behind  them  inaccessible  without  Mental  Climb¬ 
ing,  for  which  I  was  not  prepared. 

tf  Little  Jack  Dangerous,”  continued  the  grizzled  Knight,  “  where 
have  you  been  these  Seven-and- thirty  Years?  When  I  knew  you 
first,  you  were  but  a  poor  little  Runaway  School- boy,  and  I  was  a 
Tearing  Fellow  in  the  Flush  and  Pride  of  my  hot  Youth.” 

“  A  Runaway  School-boy!  ’  I  stammered. 

“  Ay!  had  you  not  fled  from  the  Tyranny  of  one  Gnawbit?’  ’ 

“  I  remember  Gnawbit  well,”  I  answered,  with  a  shudder. 

“  Do  you  remember  Chari  wood  Chase,  and  the  Blacks  that  were 
wont  to  kill  Venison  there?” 

“Ido.” 

“And  Mother  Drum,  and  Cicely,  and  Jowler,  and  the  Night 
Attack,  and  how  near  you  were  being  hanged?  Do  you  remember 
Captain  Night?” 

A  Light  broke  in  upon  me.  I  recognized  my  earliest  Protector. 
I  seized  his  Hand.  I  was  fairly  blubbering,  and  would  have  rushed 
into  his  Arms;  but  there  was  something  Cold  and  Haughty  in  his 
Manner  that  repulsed  me. 

“  ’Tis  well,”  he  said.  “  I  am  a  Knight  of  the  most  Illustrious 
Order  of  St.  John,  of  Jerusalem,  and  an  Italian  Cavalier  of  Degree. 
You—” 

‘  ‘  I  am  a  Spy,  ’  ’  I  cried  out,  half  sobbing.  ‘  ‘  What  was  I  to  do  ? 
My  Malignant  Fate  hath  ever  been  against  me.  I  am  despicable  in 
your  Eyes,  but  not  so  despicable  as  I  am  in  mine  own.” 

“  There,  there,”  he  cries  out,  very  placably.  “  There’s  no  great 
harm  done,  and  there’s  much  of  a  muchness  between  us.  When 
you  first  came  across  me,  was  I  not  stealing  the  King’s  Deer  in 
Chari  wood  Chase,  besides  being  in  Trouble — I  don’t  mind  owning 
to  you  now — on  account  of  King  James?  ’Twixt  you,  Jack 
Dangerous,  Flibustier,  Saltabadil,  and  Spy,  and  Captain  Night, 
now  called  Don  Ercolo  et  cetei  a  et  cetera  di  San  Lorenzo,  and  a 
Knight  of  Malta,  there  is  not  much,  perhaps,  to  choose.  The  World 
hath  its  strange  Ups  and  Downs,  and  we  must  e’en  make  the  best 


306 ' 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


of  them.  Sit  you  down,  Jack  Dangerous,  and  we  will  have  t’other 
Flask.” 

We  had  t’other  Flask,  and  very  good  Wine  it  was;  and  for  the 
rest  of  the  time  I  remained  in  Malta,  Don  Ercolo  continued  to  be 
mry  Fast  Friend,  even  as  he  had  been  in  my  Youth.  And  yet  ’twas 
mainly  through  his  Instrumentality  that  I  quitted  the  Island;  for 
lie  sent  his  Page  to  me  with  a  Letter,  written  in  our  dear  English 
Tongue,  in  the  which  he  instantly  desired  me,  as  I  valued  my  Life 
and  the  Interests  of  my  Employers,  to  put  the  Broad  Seas  between 
myself  and  the  Grand  Master;  for  that  an  Inkling  of  my  Errand 
had  got  Wind,  and  that  the  Party  unfavorable  to  France  being  then 
uppermost,  I  ran  immediate  risk  of  being  cast  into  a  Dungeon,  if 
not  Hanged.  For  this  Reason,  said  Don  Ercolo,  he  must  forbear 
any  further  Commerce  with  me  (not  wishing  to  draw  Suspicion  on 
himself,  for  the  Knights  are  very  jealous  in  Political  Affairs):  but 
lie  assured  me  of  his  continued  Friendship,  and  desired  if  I  stood 
in  Need  of  any  Funds  for  my  Journey  to  inform  the  Page  that  he 
might  furnish  me  secretly  with  what  Gold  I  needed,  But  I  wanted 
nothing  in  this  way,  having  ample  Credits;  so  making  up  my 
Yalises  with  all  convenient  Speed,  the  Chevalier  Escarbotin  bade 
adieu  to  Malta. 

I  took  a  Passage  in  a  Speronare  that  was  bound  to  Candia,  where 
I  hoped  to  find  some  Trading  Vessel  of  heavier  Burden  to  take  me 
to  Constantinople.  The  Mediterranean  Sea  here  is  very  beautiful, 
and  delightful  to  see  the  Dolphins,  Tunnies,  and  other  Fish,  that 
frequently  leaped  out  of  the  Water,  and  followed  our  Ship  in  great 
Numbers.  Also  a  Waterspout,  which  is  a  Phenomenon  very  well 
known  to  Seamen  in  the  Levant  Trade,  and  reckoned  very  danger¬ 
ous.  It  looked  mighty  Fierce  and  Terrific;  and  our  Sailors,  to 
conjure  it  away,  had  recourse  to  the  Superstitious  Devices  of  cut¬ 
ting  the  air  with  a  Black-Handled  Knife,  and  reading  the  First 
Chapter  of  St.  John’s  Gospel,  accounted  of  great  Effic  icy  in  dis¬ 
persing  these  Spouts. 

Woe  is  me!  After  Six  Days’  most  pleasant  Sailing,  and  after 
doubling  Cape  Spada,  and  in  very  sight  of  Canea  (which  is  the 
Port  of  Candia),  a  strange  Sail  hove  in  Sight,  gave  Chase,  came  up 
to  us  an  hour  before  sundown,  and  without  as  much  as  By  your 
leave  or  With  your  leave,  opened  Fire  upon  us.  A  Couple  of 
Swingers  from  her  Double-shotted  Guns  were  a  Bellyful  for  our 
poor  little  Speronare,  in  which  there  were  but  Ten  Men  and  a  Boy, 
Passengers  included;  and  we  were  fain  to  submit.  Oh,  the  in¬ 
tolerable  Shame  and  Disgrace!  that  Jack  Dangerous,  wt1io  had  been 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


307 


All  Round  the  World  with  that  Renowned  Commander,  Captain 
Blokes,  and  had  Chased,  Taken,  and  Plundered  many  a  good  tall 
Ship  belonging  to  the  Spaniards— ay,  and  had  landed  on  their  Main, 
Spoiled  their  Cities  and  Settlements,  Toasted  their  fine  Ladies,  and 
held  their  Chief  Governors  to  Ransom — should  be  laid  in  the  Bil¬ 
boes  by  a  Rascally  African  Pirate  Vessel  mounting  Nine  Guns,  and 
belonging  to  the  most  Heathenish,  Knavish,  and  Blood-thirsty  Town 
of  Algiers.  My  Gall  works  now  to  think  of  it;  but  Force  was 
against  us,  and  the  Disaster  was  not  to  be  helped.  I  was  in  such  a 
Mad  Rage  as  to  be  near  Braining  the  Captain  of  the  Speronare  with 
a  Marline-Spike,  and  would  have  assuredly  blown  out  the  Brains  of 
the  first  Moor  that  boarded  us,  had  not  the  Italian  Captain  and  his 
Mate  seized  each  one  of  my  arms,  and  by  Main  Force  wrested  my 
Weapons  from  me.  And  in  this  (though  hotly  enraged  with  'em  at 
first,  and  calling  them  all  kinds  of  Abusive  Epithets)  I  think  they 
acted  less  like  Traitors  than  like  Persons  of  Sense  and  Discretion; 
for  what  were  we  Ten  (and  the  Boy)  against  full  Fifty  powerful 
Devils,  all  armed  to  the  Teeth,  and  who  would  assuredly  have  cut 
all  our  Throats  had  we  shown  the  least  Resistance. 

So  they  had  their  Will  of  us,  and  we  were  all  made  Prisoners,  pre¬ 
paratory  to  undergoing  the  worse  Fate  of  Slaves.  Vain  now,  indeed, 
were  all  his  Eminence’s  Secret  Precautions  about  the  Concealment 
of  Missives;  for  these  Rascal  Moors  made  no  more  ado,  but  stripped 
us  of  every  Rag  of  Clothing,  ripping  up  the  Seams  thereof,  and  ex¬ 
amining  our  very  Hair,  in  quest  of  Gold  and  Jewels.  The  Boat¬ 
swain,  however,'  that  was  appointed  to  search  me,  after  taking  from 
me  all  my  Stock  of  Money,  which  was  Considerable,  returned  to 
me  the  famous  Bit  of  Parchment  between  the  Glasses,  which  was 
to  bear  me  Harmless  against  the  Claws  of  Holy  Mother  Church  if 
she  happened  to  turn  Tiger-Cat;  for  these  Mohammedans  have  a  pro¬ 
found  respect  for  Charms  and  Amulets,  and  very  like  he  took  this 
for  one,  which  could  be  no  good  to  him,  an  Infidel,  but  might  serve 
a  Frank  at  a  pinch.  There  was  another  Article,  too,  which  he  re¬ 
stored  to  me,  after  Examination,  and  of  which  I  have  hitherto  made 
no  mention.  What  was  this  but  a  little  Portrait  of  my  Beloved 
Protectress,  which  I  carried  with  me  next  my  Heart?  Not  that  I 
had  ever  ventured  to  be  so  bold  as  to  Ask  her  for  such  a  pledge,  or 
that  she  had  favored  me  enough  to  give  it  me;  but  while  I  was  in 
Paris  there  had  been  limned  by  the  great  French  Painter,  Monsieur 
Boucher,  a  Picture  of  one  of  the  Opera  Ballets,  not  Orpheus’s  Story, 
but  something  out  of  Homer’s  Poetry — Ulysse  chez  Alanous,  I  think 
’twas  called — and  this  Picture  contained  very  Life-like  Effigies  of 


308 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


all  the  Dancers  that  stood  in  the  front  rank,  of  whom  my  sweet 
Mistress  Lilias  wras  one.  From  this  an  Engraving  in  the  Line  Man¬ 
ner  was  made,  which  was  put  forth  by  the  Printsellers  just  before  I 
left  Paris;  and  I  declare  I  gave  a  Louis  d’Or,  Ten  Livres,  Twelve 
Sols  for  a  Copy,  and  cutting  out  the  Pictured  Head  of  my  Protect¬ 
ress  with  a  sharp  Penknife,  had  it  pasted  down  and  framed  in  a 
Golden  Locket.  When  the  Boatswain  saw  this  he  Grinned,  till  the 
Turban  round  his  tawny  Head  might  have  been  taken  for  a  Horse- 
collar.  He  wrenched  the  Portrait  out  of  its  Frame,  and  put  the  Gold 
among  the  heap  of  Plunder  that  was  gathered,  for  after  division,  on 
the  Deck,  and  was  then  about  to  throw  the  dear  Bit  of  Paper  into 
the  Sea — for  these  Moors  think  it  Sinful  to  portray  the  Human 
Countenance  in  any  way — but  I  besought  him  so  Earnestly,  both 
by  Signs  and  supplicatory  Gestures,  and  even,  I  believe,  Tears,  to 
restore  it  to  me,  that  he  desisted;  and  putting  his  Finger  to  his 
Lips,  as  a  Hint  that  I  was  not  to  reveal  his  Clemency  to  his  Com¬ 
mander,  gave  me  back  my  precious  Portrait.  He  would  have, 
however,  the  fine  Chain  I  wore  round  my  Neck;  so  I  was  fain  to 
make  an  Opening  between  the  two  Sheets  of  Glass  that  covered  my 
Amulet,  and  push  in  the  Portrait,  face  downward;  and  the  two 
together  I  hung  to  a  bit  of  slender  Lanyard.  But  all  my  brave 
Clothes  were  taken  from  me,  and  in  an  Hour  after  my  Capture  I 
was  Barefooted,  and  with  no  other  Apparel  than  a  Ragged  Shirt 
and  a  Pair  of  Drawers  of  Canvas.  To  this  Accouterment  was 
speedily  added  about  Twenty-one  Pounds  of  Fetters  on  the  Wrists 
and  Ankles;  and  then  I,  and  the  Captain,  and  the  Mate,  and  the 
Men,  and  the  Boy,  were  put  into  a  Boat  and  taken  on  board  the 
Algerine,  where  we  were  flung  into  the  Hold,  and  had  nothing 
better  to  eat  for  many  days  than  Moldy  Biscuit  and  Bilge-Water. 
The  Cargo  of  the  “  Speronare  ”  was  mostly  Crockery- ware  and 
Household  Stuff,  for  the  use  of  the  Candites;  and  the  Moors 
would  not  be  at  the  trouble  of  Removing,  so  they  Scuttled  her,  and 
bore  away  to  the  Norrard. 

Item. — I  swallowed  my  Dispatches:  but  the  Moors  got  hold  of 
my  Letters  of  Credit  and  m3'  Cipher. 

CHAPTER  THE  TWENTY-FIFTH. 

AFTER  MANY  SURPRISING  VISCISSITUDES  J.  DANGEROUS  BECOMES 

BESTUSCHID  BASHAW'. 

So  we  were  all  taken  into  Algiers.  ’Tis  called  “  The  Warlike  ” 
by  that  proud  People  the  Turks;  but  with  much  more  Reason,  I 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


309 


think,  should  it  be  named  “  The  Thievish.  ”  Out  upon  the  Rob¬ 
bers’  Den  This  most  abominable  Place,  which  has,  during  so 
many  Ages,  braved  the  Resentment  of  the  most  powerful  Princes 
of  Christendom,  is  said  to  contain  above  100,000  Mohammedans — 
among  them  not  above  Thirty  Renegadoes — 15,000  Jews,  and  4000 
Christian  Slaves.  ’Tis  full  of  Mosques  and  other  Heathenish  places 
of  Worship,  and  is  strongly  Fortified,  both  toward  the- Sea  and  the 
Land.  The  Ship  that  took  us  was  a  Brigantine;  and  they  have 
nigh  a  Hundred  of  ’em  (besides  Row-boats),  mounting  from  Ten  to 
Fifly  Guns,  with  which  they  ravage  the  Trade  of  Europe.  There 
is  little  within  the  City  that  is  Curious,  save  the  Dogs,  which  are 
very  abundant,  and  very  Fierce  and  Nasty.  The  street  Bab-Azoun 
is  full  of  shops,  and  Jews  dealing  in  Gems  and  Goldsmiths’  Work. 
The  Hills  and  Valleys  round  the  City  are  everywhere  beautified 
with  Gaidens  and  Country  Seats,  whither  the  Wealthy  Turks  retire 
during  the  Heats  of  Summer.  Some  of  the  Wild  Bedoween  Tribes 
up  the  country  go  Bare-headed,  binding  their  Temples  only  with  a 
Fillet  to  prevent  their  hair  growing  troublesome.  But  the  Moors 
and  Turks  in  Algiers  wear  on  the  crowns  of  their  Heads  a  small 
Cap  of  Scarlet  Woolen  Cloth,  thal  is  made  at  Fez.  The  Turban  is 
folded  round  the  bottom  of  these  Caps,  and  by  the  fashion  of  the 
folds  you  can  tell  the  Soldiers  from  the  Citizens  The  Arabs  wear 
a  loose  Garment  called  a  Hyke,  which  serves  them  as  a  complete 
Dress  by  Day,  and  a  Bed  and  Coverlet  by  Night  ’Tis  observable 
that  when  the  Moorish  women  appear  in  Public  they  constantly 
fold  themselves  so  close  up  in  their  Hykes  that  very  little  of  their 
Faces  can  be  seen;  hut  in  the  Summer  Months,  when  they  retire  to 
their  Country  Seats,  they  walk  about  with  less  Caution  and  Reserve, 
and,  at  the  approach  of  a  Stranger,  only  let  fall  their  Veils. 

What  became  of  the  Master  and  Crew  of  the  Speronare  I 
know  not.  They  were  but  Weakly  Creatures;  and  1  conjecture 
were  sold  off  into  private  Hands  and  sent  up  the  country.  Now, 
although  I  was  past  the  Middle  Age,  and  indeed  drifting  into  years, 
I  was  still  of  Unbowed  Stature  and  great  Strength,  and  a  Personable 
Fellow,  hardened  in  the  furnace  of  Danger  and  Adventure.  This 
led  to  my  being  reserved  from  the  public  Slave-Market  for  the  Dey 
of  Algiers’s  own  use.  Woe  is  me,  again!  The  Distinction  profited 
me  little,  for  it  merely  amounted  to  my  being  made  Stroke-oar  of 
the  third  row  of  the  Dey’s  State-barge,  or  Galleasse.  Imagine  me 
now,  in  a  Tunic  and  Urawers  of  Scarlet  Serge,  and  a  White  Turban 
round  my  Head  to  keep  me  from  Sunstroke,  chained  by  the  Ankles 
to  a  bench,  and  with  an  Iron  Collar  round  my  Neck,  from  which 


310 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


another  Chain  passed  to  a  Bar  running  fore  and  aft  the  whole 
length  of  the  Galleasse.  Between  the  benches  of  Rowers  runs  a 
narrow  Planking;  and  up  and  down  this  continually  patrols  a  great 
Tawny  Ruffian  of  a  Moorish  Boatswain,  armed  with  a  Whip  of 
Rhinoceros  Hide,  which,  with  a  Will,  he  lays  on  to  the  Shoulders 
of  those  who  do  not  tug  hard  enough  at  the  Oar.  Miserable  and 
fallen  as  was  my  state,  I  did  yet  manage  to  evade  the  crowning 
Degradation  of  Stripes;  for,  being  a  Man  used  to  the  Sea,  and  full 
of  Courageous  Activity,  1  got  through  my  toil  so  as  to  make  it  im¬ 
possible  for  my  Superiors  to  find  fault  with  me;  and  besides,  in  a  * 
few  words  of  Lingua  Franca  that  I  picked  up,  I  gave  the  Boatswain 
to  understand  that  if  ever  he  hit  me  "with  his  Rhinoceros  Thong,  I 
should  take  the  earliest  opportunity  of  Strangling  him.  As  for  our 
Food,  ’twas  mainly  Beans,  and  in  the  morning  a  Mess  of  boiled 
Maize  they  call  Couscoussou,  with  some  villainous  Rank  Butter, 
melted,  poured  over  it.  And  sometimes  the  Carcass  of  a  Sheep 
that  had  died  of  Disease  was  given  to  us.  But  whatever  wre  had 
was  eaten  on  our  benches,  and  the  Cook  of  the  Galleasse  passed  up 
and  down  the  planking  to  serve  out  the  Rations.  We  Eat  on  our 
benches,  we  Slept  on  our  benches,  and  some  of  us  Died  on  our 
benches.  There  were  Ninety-two  Christian  Slaves  on  board  the 
Dey’s  Galleasse,  and  Twelve  on  my  Bench.  Being  Stroke-oar,  I 
was  spared  the  continual  contemplation  of  a  Man’s  back  in  front 
of  me,  which  other  Slaves  have  told  me  makes  you  so  mad  that  you 
want  to  Bite  him;  but  ’twas  scarcety  less  Vexatious  to  have  behind, 
as  I  had,  a  Chattering  Fellow  of  a  Frenchman,  forever  jabbering 
forth  his  complaints,  and  not  bearing  them  witjjj  the  surly  Dignity 
of  a  Briton.  I  could  almost  hear  this  fellow  grimace;  and  he  was 
never  tired  of  bemoaning  his  by-gone  happy  state  as  a  Hair-dresser’s 
Journeyman  in  the  Rue  St.  Honore  at  Paris.  “  Why  did  a  Vain 
Ambition  prompt  me  to  journey  from  Marseilles  to  Constanti¬ 
nople?”  cried  he  about  Fifty  times  a  day.  “  Why  did  I  rely  on 
the  protection  of  my  Wife’s  Cousin,  who  gaveNme  recommendations 
to  his  brother,  Cook-in-Cliief  to  the  Embassador  of  France  at  the 
court  of  the  Antique  Byzantium  {V antique  Byzance)%  Where  is  my 
Wife?  Where  is  my  Wife’s  Cousin?  They  are  drinking  the  wine 
of  Ramonneau;  they  are  dancing  at  the  Barriers.  Oh,  my  Cocotte! 
where  is  my  Cocotte?” 

“  Hang  your  Cocotte!”  I  used  to  cry  out  in  a  rage.  “  ’Tis  bad 
enough  to  be  mewed  up  here  like  a  Bear  in  a  pit,  without  being 
worried  by  a  confounded  Barber’s  Clerk!” 

I  had  been  Tugging  at  the  Oar  full  Six  Months,  when  a  change 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


311 


came  over  my  lamentable  Lot.  The  Dey  of  Algiers  was  at  this 
time  one  Mahomet  Bassa,  a  very  Bold,  Fierce,  Fighting  Man,  but 
of  the  Meanest  Extraction,  and  one,  indeed,  that  had  been  no  more 
than  a  common  Soldier,  from  which  he  had  sprung  to  be,  by  turns, 
Oda-Bashee  or  Lieutenant,  Bullock-Bashee  or  Captain,  Tiah-Bashee 
or  Colonel,  and  Aga  or  General.  For  among  these  strange  people 
overy  valiant  and  aspiring  Soldier — I  wish  ’twas  so  in  England — 
though  taken  yesterday  from  the  Plow,  may  be  considered  as  Heir 
Apparent  to  the  Throne.  Nor  are  they  ashamed  of  the  obscurity  of 
their  birth.  This  Mahomet  Bassa,  in  a  dispute  he  once  had  with 
the  Spanish  Consul,  said:  “  My  mother  sold  Sheep’s  Trotters,  and 
my  father  Neat’s  Tongues;  but  they  would  have  been  ashamed  to 
expose  for  sale  on  their  stalls  a  Tongue  so  worthless  as  thine.” 
Mahomet  Bassa  was,  like  most  of  the  Turks,  a  man  of  Pleasure, 
and  his  Harem  was  furnished  with  an  extraordinary  number  of 
choice  Beauties. 

His  Highness  (as  he  is  called),  happening  to  single  me  out  from 
the  rest  of  the  Slaves  on  board  the  Galleasse,  and  being  told  that  I 
was  English — for  equally  in  hopes  of  Bettering  my  Condition,  and 
for  the  purpose  of  keeping  Secret  my  Employment  with  his  Emi¬ 
nence,  I  had  avowed  myself  to  be  of  that  Nation — ordered  me  to  be 
released  from  my  Chains,  and  brought  before  hirr.  at  the  Divan. 
Through  his  Interpreter,  a  cunning  Rogue  from  Corfu,  who  spoke 
most  Languages  indifferently  well,  he  asked  me  who  I  was,  and 
how  I  came  to  be  aboard  the  Speronare.  I  answered,  conveni 
ently  mixing  fact  with  fiction,  that  I  had  been  a  Captain  by  Sea 
and  Land  in  the  Service  of  the  King  of  England;  that  I  had  earned 
a  good  deal  of  Prize-Money;  had  retired  from  Active  Duties,  being 
now  nigh  upon  Fifty  years  of  Age,  and  was  taking  my  pleasure  by 
voyaging  in  a  part  of  Europe  with  which  I  had  hitherto  been  little 
acquainted.  This  Answer  seemed  to  satisfy  him  pretty  well;  al¬ 
though  he  was  very  curious  to  know  whether  I  had  any  Kindred 
in  the  Island  of  Malta,  or  any  foregathering  among  the  Knights. 
Fortunately  for  me  the  Interpreter,  to  whom  I  had  given  a  hint  of 
ultimate  Reward,  deposed  that  I  could  not  speak’ twenty  words  of 
Maltese  (which  is  a  kind  of  Bastard  Italian);  and  he  told  me  that  if 
it  had  been  discovered  that  I  was  in  any  way  Connected  with  the 
Order,  I  should  surely  have  been  Impaled;  the  Dej-  being  then  in  a 
towering  Rage  with  the  Knights,  one  of  whose  Commanders  had 
just  captured  one  of  his  finest  Brigantines,  and  Dressed  Ship,  as  he 
humorously  put  it,  by  hanging  every  Man-Jack  of  the  Crew  at  the 
Yard-arm,  and  the  Algerine  Captain  at  the  Mizzen.  The  Dey  then 


312 


CAPTAIN  DANGEHOUS. 


asked  me  if  I  had  any  Friends  who  I  thought  would  pay  my  Ran¬ 
som,  the  which  he  placed  at  the  Moderate  Computation  of  Four 
Thousand  Gold  Achmedies  (about  Fifteen  Hundred  Pounds  ster- 
ling).  I  answered,  that  I  thought  I  could  raise  about  half  that 
Sum,  if  I  were  allowed  to  communicate  with  one  Monsieur  Foscue, 
a  Banker  at  Marseilles,  upon  whom  I  had — or  rather  my  Captors 
had — a  Letter  of  Credit,  which  they  had  taken  from  me.  But  by 
Ill-luck  this  Letter  of  Credit  could  not  be  found.  The  Captain  and 
Crew  of  the  “  Rover  ”  that  took  the  Speronare  were  all  well 
bastinadoed  about  it ,  bul  no  Letter  was  forthcoming;  and  I  am 
more  inclined  to  think  that  it  was  thrown,  in  sheer  Ignorance,  over¬ 
board,  than  that  it  was  Embezzled.  However,  as  ’twas  not  to  be 
discovered,  the  Dey  began  to  look  upon  me  as  an  Impostor;  but  I 
earnestly  represented  to  the  Interpreter  that,  if  I  had  time  to  write 
to  Monsieur  Foscue,  all  would  be  right.  This  I  had  his  Highness’s 
gracious  permission  to  do,  and  meanwhile  was  to  remain  a  Slave; 
but  was  not  sent  back  to  the  Galleys.  Being  a  Strong  Fellow,  and 
professing  to  know  something  about  Gardening — Lord  help  me!  I 
had  never  touched  a  Spade  ten  times  in  my  Life — I  was  sent  to 
work  in  his  Highness’s  Gardens  at  the  Castle  of  Sitteet-ako-Leet. 
As  for  my  Letter,  I  penned  it  in  as  good  French  as  I  could  muster, 
begging  Monsieur  Foscue  to  communicate  at  once  with  his  Emi¬ 
nence,  telling  him  how  I  had  been  captured,  and  that  my  Letter  of 
Credit  had  been  taken  from  me,  and  of  the  Sorry  Plight  I  was  now 
in.  I  was  given  to  understand  that  from  Six  to  Nine  Months  must 
pass  by  before  I  could  expect  an  Answer;  for  that  Safe  Conducts 
to  Christian  Packets  between  Algiers  and  Marseilles  were  only 
granted  thrice  a  year,  and  the  last  was  but  just  departed.  Where, 
upon  I  resigned  myself  to  my  Captivity,  hoping  for  Better  Days. 

The  Head  Gardener  of  the  Dey  was  an  old  Renegado  German, 
named  Baupwitz,  who  tried  hard  to  convert  me  to  the  Mussulman 
Faith.  Bul  in  addition  to  my  stanch  Attachment  to  the  Protestant 
Religion,  I  could  see  that  the  State  and  Condition  of  the  few  Rene- 
gados  in  Algiers  was  very  mean  and  miserable,  and  that  they  were 
despised  alike  by  Turks,  Moors,  Arabs,  Bedoweens,  and  Jews. 
And,  indeed,  what  good  had  Baupwitz  done  himself  by  turning 
Paynim?  Thus  much  I  put  to  him  plainly;  at  which  the  Old  Man 
was  angered,  and  for  some  days  used  me  very  spitefully;  when  the 
Dey,  coming  to  the  Castle,  took  it  into  his  head  to  have  me  brought 
back  to  Algiers,  and  enrolled  among  his  musicians  as  a  Player  upon 
the  Cymbals.  I  declare  that  although  able  to  troll  out  a  Stave  now 
and  then,  I  could  not  so  much  as  Whistle  “  God  save  the  King;’* 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


313 


"but  I  managed  to  clash  my  two  Saucepan-Lids  or  Cymbals  together 
and  to  make  a  Noise,  which  is  all  the  Turks  care  for,  they  having 
no  proper  Ear  for  Music.  As  one  of  his  Highness' s  Musicians,  I 
was  dressed  very  grandly,  with  a  monstrous  Turban  all  covered 
with  Gold  Spangles  and  Silk  Tassels;  but  I  had  a  Collar  of  Silver 
riveted  round  my  Neck,  and  Silver  Shackles  round  my  Ankles,  and 
Silver  Manacles  round  my  Wrists;  and  was  still  a  Slave. 

The  rest  of  the  Musicians  were  either  Black  Negroes  or  Cophtic 
Christians,  and  they  used  me  with  Decent  Civility;  nor  did  the 
Master  of  the  Musicians — otherwise  a  most  cruel  Moor — go  out  of 
his  way  to  flout,  much  less  smite  me  with  his  Rattan.  If  he  had 
dared  but  to  lay  one  Stripe  upon  me  I  would  have  sprung  upon  the 
Wifetch  and  dashed  out  his  Brains  with  my  Cymbals,  eren  if  I  had 
been  put  upon  the  Pale  for  it  half  an  hour  afterward. 

Lodged  in  the  Guard-house  at  the  Dey’s  Palace,  with  pretty 
abundant  Rations,  and  some  few  Piastres  daily  to  buy  Wine  (I  being 
a  Frank)  and  Tobacco,  and  pretty  well  treated  by  the  Colologlies> 
or  Moorish  soldiers,  I  did  not  pass  such  a  very  bad  time  of  it;  and 
wheh  off  Duty,  had  liberty  to  go  about  the  City  and  Suburbs  pretty 
much  as  I  chose.  And  I  was  a  hundred  times  better  off  than  the 
Moslem  Slaves  are  at  Malta. 

These  Algerines  are  an  Uncouth,  Savage  People;  and  the  Turkish 
Despotism  has  quite  destroyed  that  security  and  Liberty  which  of 
old  gave  birth  and  encouragement  to  Learning;  hence  the  knowl¬ 
edge  of  Medicine,  Philosophy,  and  the  Mathematics,  which  once  so 
flourished  among  the  Arabs,  is  now  almost  entirely  lost.  The  chil¬ 
dren  of  the  Moors  and  Turks  are  sent  to  School  at  about  Six  years 
old,  where  they  are  taught  to  Read  and  Write  for  the  value  of 
about  a  Penny  a  week  of  our  Money.  Instead  of  Paper  or  a  Plate, 
each  boy  has  a  piece  of  thin  square  Board,  slightly  daubed  over 
with  Whiting;  on  this  he  makes  his  Letters,  which  may  be  wiped 
off  or  renewed  at  pleasure.  Having  made  some  progress  in  the 
Koran,  he  is  initiated  into  the  Ceremonies  and  Mysteries  of  the  Mo¬ 
hammedan  Religion;  and  when  he  has  distinguished  himself  in  any 
of  these  branches  of  Learning,  he  is  Richly  Dressed,  mounted  on  a 
Horse  finely  Caparisoned,  and  paraded,  amidst  the  LIuzzas  of  his 
School-fellows,  through  the  Streets;  while  his  Friends  and  Rela¬ 
tions  assemble  to  congratulate  his  Parents,  and  load  him  with  Toys 
and  Sweetmeats.  And  this  Observance  answers  to  our  Western 
Rite  of  Confirmation.  But  after  being  three  or  four  years  at  School, 
the  Boys  are  put  ’Prentice  to  Trades  or  enrolled  in  the  Array,  wiiere 
they  very  speedily  forget  all  they  have  learned. 


314 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


Though  such  bold  Sailors,  the  Algerines  are  very  despicable  as 
Navigators.  Their  chief  Astronomer,  Muley  Hamet  Ben  Daoud, 
when  I  was  there,  who  superintended  and  regulated  the  Hours  of 
Prayer  by  the  Moon  and  Stars,  had  not  the  skill  to  make  a  Sun¬ 
dial;  and  in  Navigation  they  can  not  get  beyond  Pricking  of  a 
Chart,  and  distinguishing  the  Eight  principal  Points  of  the  Com¬ 
pass.  Even  Chemistry,  which  was  once  the  favorite  Science  of 
these  people,  is  at  present  only  applied  to  the  Distilling  of  a  little 
Rose-water.  The  Physicians  chiefly  study  the  Spanish  Translation 
of  Dioscorides  (that  was  a  Learned  Leech  in  Olden  Times);  but  the 
Figures  of  the  Plants  and  Animals  are  more  consulted  than  the 
Descriptions;  yet  are  these  Knaves  naturally  Subtle  and  Ingenious; 
wanting  nothing  but  Application  and  Patronage  to  cultivate  and  im¬ 
prove  their  faculties.  They  are  for  the  most  part  Predestinarians, 
and  pay  little  regard  to  Physic,  either  leaving  the  Disorder  to  con¬ 
tend  with  Nature,  or  making  use  of  Charms  and  Incantations. 
They,  however,  resort  to  the  Hammam,  or  Hot  Bagnio  (a  great 
Sweating-bath,  and  a  sovereign  Remedy  for  most  Distempers),  and 
have  a  few  Specifics  in  general  use.  Thus,  in  Pleurisy  and  the 
Rheumatics  they  make  several  Punctures  on  the  part  affected  with  a 
Red-hot  Needle;  and  into  simple  Gunshot  Wounds  they  pour  Fresh 
Butter  almost  boiling  hot.  The  Prickly  Pear  roasted  in  Ashes  is 
applied  to  Bruises,  Swellings,  and  Inflammations;  and  a  dram  or 
two  of  the  Round  Birth  wort  is  esteemed  the  best  remedy  in  the 
world  for  the  Clioler.  But  few  Compound  Medicines;  only,  for 
that  dreadful  scourge  the  Plague  (from  which  Lord  deliver  all  Men 
not  being  Heathens!)  they  commonly  use  a  Mixture  of  Myrrh, 
Saffron,  Aloes,  and  Syrup  of  Myrtle-berries — which  does  not  hinder 
’em  from  dying  like  Sheep  with  the  Rot. 

There  are  no  Public  Clocks  here;  those  contrivances,  with  Bells, 
being  held  an  Impious  Aping  of  Providence.  And  the  only  way 
you  have  of  telling  the  Time  is  by  the  Fellows  up  in  the  Minarets 
calling  ’em  to  Prayers.  Some  of  the  rich  Agas  have  Watches, 
bought  or  stolen  out  of  Europe;  but  they  are  usually  spoiled  by  the 
Women  of  the  Harem  playing  with  ’em.  The  Dev’s  principal 
Wife,  Zoraide  Khanum,  is  said  to  have  boiled  a  large  Gold  Chro¬ 
nometer,  made  by  Silvain  of  Paris,  with  Cream  and  Sweet  Almonds. 
Yet  does  a  remnant  of  their  Ancestors’  old  skill  in  Arithmetic  and 
Algebra  linger  among  ’em;  for  whereas  not  one  in  Twenty  Thou¬ 
sand  can  do  an  Equation  (and  Captain  Blokes  taught  me,  and  I 
have  since  forgotten  How),  yet  the  Merchants  are  frequently  very 
dexterous  in  Reckoning  by  Memory,  and  have  also  a  singular 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


315 


method  of  Numeration,  by  putting  tlieir  hands  into  each  other’s 
Sleeves,  and  touching  one  another  with  this  or  that  Finger,  or  a 
particular  Joint,  each  standing  for  a  determined  Sum  or  Number. 
Thus,  without  ere  moving  their  lips — and  your  Mussulman  has  a 
wholesome  horror  of  squandering  Words — they  conclude  Bargains 
•of  the  Greatest  Value. 

None  of  the  Women  think  themselves  completely  Adorned  till 
they  have  tinged  the  Lashes  and  the  edges  of  their  Eyelids  with  the 
powder  of  Lead-Ore.  This  they  do  by  dipping  a  Bodkin  of  the 
thickness  of  a  Quill  into  the  Powder,  and  dragging  it  under  the 
Eyelids.  This  gives  their  Eyes  a  Sooty  color,  but  is  thought  to 
add  a  Wonderfal  Grace  to  their  Complexions.  And  was  not  this 
that  which  Jezebel  did  in  the  Ancient  Time?*  The  Old  Custom  of 
plighting  their  Troth  by  drinking  out  of  each  other’s  Hand  is  the 
only  Ceremony  used  by  the  Algerians  at  their  Marriages.  The 
Bridegroom  may  put  away  his  Wife  whenever  he  pleases,  upon  the 
forfeiture  of  the  Dowry  he  has  settled  upon  her;  but  he  can  not 
afterward  take  her  again  until  she  has  been  Remarried  and  Divorced 
from  another  Man.  After  all,  the  Wives  are  only  held  as  a  better 
class  of  Servants,  that  when  their  Toil  is  over  become  Toys.  The 
greater  part  of  the  Moorish  Women  would  be  esteemed  Beauties 
even  in  England,  and  as  Children  they  have  the  finest  Complexions 
in  the  World;  but  at  Thirty  they  become  Wrinkled  Old  Women. 
For  a  Girl  is  often  a  Mother  at  Eleven,  and  a  Grandmother  at 
Twenty-two;  and  their  Lives  being  generally  as  long  as  Europeans’, 
these  Matrons  often  live  to  see  Children  of  many  Generations. 
They  are  desperately  Superstitious,  and  hang  the  Figure  of  an  Open 
Hand  round  the  Necks  of  their  Children;  and  never  an  Algerine 
Pirate  goes  out  of  Port  without  such  a  Hand  painted  on  the  Stern, 
as  a  counter  Charm  to  an  Evil  Eye.  Truly  there  are  some  Chris¬ 
tian  Folks  not  much  less  foolish  in  their  Superstitions;  and  Rich 
and  Poor  among  the  Neapolitans  carry  a  forked  bit  of  Coral  about 
with  them,  to  conjure  away  this  same  Evil  Eye,  which  they  call 
Gettatura. 

They  have  a  kind  of  Monks  called  Marabutts,  who  are  supposed 
to  lead  an  Austere  Life,  and  pass  their  lives  in  counting  a  Chaplet 
of  Ninety-nine  Beads;  but  who  are,  in  truth,  Impudent  Beggars, 
Thieves,  and  Profligates.  And  this  is  pretty  well  the  Character  of 
the  whole  body  of  Algerines,  from  the  Dey  in  his  Palace  to  his 
Father  who  sells  Sheep’s  Trotters.  There  are  a  few  Grave  People, 


*  2  Kings  ix:  30. 


316 


CAPTAIN"  DANGEROUS. 


in  no  constant  Employ  (that  is  to  say,  they  have  made  their  Fortunes 
by  Murder  and  Piracy,  and  are  now  Retired),  who  spend  the  day, 
either  in  conversing  with  one  another  at  the  Barbers’  Shops,  or  at 
the  Bazaars  and  Coffee-houses.  But  the  greater  part  of  the  Moorish 
and  Turkish  Youth  are  the  wildest  of  Gallants  and  Roisterers,  and 
waste  their  time  in  the  most  unseemly  Fandangoes. 

Item. — These  Marabutts  are  no  better  than  the  Mountebanks  I 
have  seen  at  the  Carnival  of  Venice  or  at  Southwark  Fair.  One 
Seedy  Mustaplia  tells  me  that  a  neighboring  Marabutt  had  a  solid 
Iron  Bar,  which,  upon  command,  would  give  the  same  Report  and 
do  as  much  Mischief  as  a  Piece  of  Cannon.  At  Seteef,  too,  there 
was  one  famous  for  Vomiting  Fire;  but  the  Renegado  Baupwitz, 
who  had  seen  him,  assured  me  ’twas  all  a  Trick;  that  his  Mouth 
did  certainly  seem  to  be  all  in  a  Blaze,  while  he  counterfeited  Vio¬ 
lent  Agony;  but  that  on  close  inspection  it  appeared  that  the  Flames 
and  Smoke  with  which  he  was  surrounded  arose  from  Tow  and 
Sulphur,  which  he  had  contrived  to  kindle  under  his  Hyke.  The 
most  commendable  thing  I  can  find  in  the  Algerine  Character  is  the 
great  respect  they  pay  to  their  Dead.  They  don’t  cram  ’em  into 
stifling  little  Graveyards  in  the  midst  of  crowded  towns,  as  we  do, 
to  our  injury  and  shame;  but  have  large  Burial-grounds,  at  a  good 
distance  from  their  towns  and  villages.  Each  Family  lias  a  par¬ 
ticular  Part,  walled  in  like  a  garden,  where  the  Bones  of  their 
Ancestors  have  remained  undisturbed  for  many  Generations.  The 
Graves  are  all  distinct  and  separate,  and  the  space  between  is 
planted  with  Beautiful  Flowers,  bordered  round  with  Stone,  or 
paved  over  with  Tiles.  The  Graves  of  the  Great  People  are  like¬ 
wise  distinguished  by  Square  Rooms  with  Cupolas  built  over  them, 
which,  being  kept  constantly  clean,  whitewashed,  and  beautified, 
nevertheless  continue  like  the  Hypocrites,  and  are  but  Sepulchers 
full  within  of  nothing  but  Dead  Men’s- Bones. 

It  happened  one  fine  Autumnal  Afternoon,  that,  my  Services  as 
Cymbal-Player  not  being  required  until  the  Dey’s  Supper  after 
Evening  Prayers,  I  was  pandering  for  mere  Amusement  in  some 
of  the  least- frequented  Streets  of  the  City;  which  are  here,  for  the 
sake  of  Shade,  mere  narrow  Lanes,  without  any  Pavement  but 
Dust,  and  without  a  Door  or  Window  from  twenty  yards  to  twenty 
yards.  In  fact  they  are  but  Passages  between  almost  dead  walls; 
the  Houses  themselves  generally  standing  in  the  midst  of  the  Gar¬ 
dens.  Now  I  quitted  the  Street  of  Baba-zoun  by  the  Street  of  the 
Shroffs,  or  Money-changers,  designing  to  reach  the  Gate  of  the 
River;  but  the  Streets  are  all  so  much  alike  that  I  lost  my  Way, 

$  ■  ■ 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


317 


and  went  blundering  on  from  one  Lane  into  another,  till  I  almost 
despaired  of  finding  my  Road  back  again.  I  should  be  too  late  for 
the  Dey’s  Supper,  thought  I;  and  although  Jack  Dangerous  was 
never  given  to  Trembling,  I  began  to  feel  very  uncomfortable  con¬ 
cerning  the  Notice  that  Mahomet  Bassa,  wiio  was  never  known  to 
have  Pity  on  any  Human  Being,  Man,  Woman,  or  Child,  might 
take  of  my  Absence.  For  these  accursed  Algerines  are  most  cruel 
in  their  Punishments.  Trials  are  very  swift,  and  Sentence  is  always 
executed  within  half  an  hour  afterward.  Small  Offenses  are  pun¬ 
ished  with  the  Bastinado,  or  the  Rhinoceros  Whip.  For  Clipping  Dr 
Debasing  the  Public  Coin  the  old  Egyptian  punishment  of  cutting  off 
the  Hands  is  inflicted;  although  the  Dey,  in  one  of  his  Furies,  has 
been  known  to  have  the  Base  Money  melted,  and  poured  down  the 
Coiner’s  Throat.  If  a  Jew  or  a  Christian  is  guilty  of  Murder  he  is 
Burned  Alive  without  the  gates  of  the  City;  but  for  the  same  Crime 
the  Moors  and  Arabs  are  either  Impaled,  hung  up  by  the  Neck  over 
the  Battlements  of  the  City,  or  thrown  upon  Hooks  fixed  upon  the 
Walls  below,  where  they  sometimes  hang  in  Dreadful  T(  rments  for 
Thirty  and  Forty  hours  together  before  they  Expire.  The  Turks, 
however,  out  of  respect  for  their  Characters,  are  sent  to  the  Aga’s 
house,  where  they  are  either  Bastinadoed  or  Strangled;  and  when 
the  Women  offend  they  are  not  exposed  to  the  populace,  but  are 
sent  to  a  private  House  of  Correction;  or,  if  the  Crime  be  Capital, 
they  are  sewn  up  in  a  Sack,  carried  out  to  Sea,  and  Drowned.  And 
for  especial  Criminals  is  reserved  the  Extraordinary  Barbarous 
punishment  of  Sawing  Asunder;  for  which  purpose  they  prepare 
two  Boards,  of  the  same  length  and  breadth  as  the  Unfortunate 
Person,  and,  having  tied  him  betwixt  them,  begin  sawing  at  the 
Head,  and  so  proceed  till  he  is  divided  into  Halves;  ’Tis  said  that 
Khardinash,  a  person  who  was  not  long  since  the  Embassador  at 
the  Court  of  England,  suffered  in  this  wise  merely  for  maintaining, 
in  the  face  of  the  Dey,  that  the  King  of  Great  Britain  had' only  One 
Wife. 

All  these  Grim  Probabilities  did  I  revolve  in  my  mind,  as  the  Sun 
went  on  sinking,  and  I  could  meet  nothing  but  a  few  Rapscallion 
Boys  that,  when  I  strove  to  stammer  out  a  few  words  of  Arabic  to 
ask  my  Way,  laughed  and  jeered  in  their  Impudent  manner,  and 
flung  handfuls  of  Dust  at  me.  Just  as  I  was  losing  all  Patience, 
and  determined  to  Knock  at  the  first  door  I  came  to,  and  make  my 
state  known  at  all  hazards,  there  came  upon  me  at  the  corner  of  a 
street  the  Figure  of  a  Woman,  Muffled  up,  as  ’tis  their  fashion,  in 
her  Hyke  and  Burnoose,  so  that  I  could  only  see  her  Eyes,  which 


318 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


were  smeared  over  with  the  usual  Black  Stuff,  but  which  seemed 
to  have  somewhat  of  a  Yellowish  Cast.  I  started,  as  if  she  were  a 
Ghost  just  risen  from  the  ground;  but  indeed  she  had  only  just 
stepped  out  from  a  little  Garden-door,  that  now  stood  Ajar.  From 
the  folds  of  her  White  Burnoose  now  came  out  a  plump  Hand,  very 
Glossy,  but  very  Black.  She  first  laid  her  Finger  on  that  part  of 
her  Hyke  where  her  Mouth  might  be,  to  command  me  to  Silence; 
then  touched  me  on  the  Arm;  then  pointed  to  a  Latticed  Window 
high  up  in  the  wall,  to  give  me  to  understand  that  some  one  had 
been  Watching  me  from  there;  and  then  beckoned  me  to  Follow 
her.  I  was  wofully  perplexed,  and,  thought  I,  “The  Dey  will 
have  no  Cymbals  to  his  Supper  to  night,  that’s  certain.”  Still,  it  is 
never  to  be  said  that  J.  D.  ever  shirked  an  adventure  that  promised 
aught 'of  Love  or  Peril;  and  had  it  been  into  the  jaws  Df  a  Lion,  I 
must  have  followed  the  Negro  Emissary.  After  all,  1  reasoned,  I 
was  a  proper-looking  Fellow,  although  no  longer  in  my  First 
Youth,  and  my  hair  beginning  to  Grizzle  somewhat;  but  Love  levels 
ranks,  as  my  Lord  Grizzle  has  it  in  Tom  Thumb;  and  I  was,  per¬ 
haps,  not  the  first  Frank  Slave  who  was  favored  by  a  beauteous 
Moorish  Lady.  A  Moorish  Beauty!  Why,  this  might  be,  after  all, 
a  Princess,  a  Sultana,  a  Turkish  Khanum!  It  turned  out,  how¬ 
ever,  far  differently  from  what  I  had  expected.  Following  the 
Slave,  we  quitted  the  street  and  passed  through  a  Porch,  or  Gate¬ 
way,  which  the  Negress  carefully  locked  after  her.  We  now  en¬ 
tered  upon  a  Court,  with  Benches  on  either  side,  and  paved  very 
handsomely  with  Marble,  covered  in  the  middle  with  a  rich  Turkey 
Mat,  and  sheltered  from  the  heat  of  the  weather  by  a  kind  of  Veil, 
expanded  by  Ropes  from  one  side  of  the  Parapet-wall,  or  Lattice  of 
the  Flat  Roof,  to  the  other.  So  into  a  little  Cloister  running  round 
this  Court,  and  up  a  little  winding  stone  Staircase  into  another 
Cloister  or  Upper  Gallery.  Then  at  a  Door  all  covered  with  rich 
Filigree- work  in  Gold  and  Colors  did  the  Negress  knock;  and  by 
and  by  a  soft  silvery  Voice,  of  which  the  sound,  somehow,  made 
me  start  and  tremble  much  more  than  that  of  the  Old  Knight  of 
Malta  had  done,  said  a  few  words  in  Arabic,  and  we  went  in. 

I  found  myself  in  a  large  square  Apartment,  with  curious  latticed 
Windows,  through  which  the  Evening  Sunlight  came,  in  the  pret¬ 
tiest  of  patterns,  and  fell,  like  so  many  spangles  disposed  by  an  art¬ 
ful  Embroiderer,  upon  the  rich  Carpet.  A  great  Divan,  or  Stuffed 
Bench  of  Crimson  Damask,  ran  all  round  the  room,  with  many  soft 
pillows  and  shawls  upon  it;  and  on  this  Divan,  upon  the  side  op¬ 
posite  the  door,  sat  an  Eastern  Lady,  amazingly  Dressed.  She  had 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


319 


laid  aside  her  Hyke,  which  was  of  white  silk  gorgeously  striped 
with  gold  and  Crimson  Bars,  and  all  dotted  with  Bullion  Tassels, 
and  sat  in  a  tight -fitting  jacket  of  Red  Velvet,  open  in  front,  where 
you  could  see  the  Bosom  of  her  Snowy  Smock  all  blazing  with 
Emeralds  and  Rubies.  I  had  never  seen  so  many  of  the  latter  kind 
of  Jewels  since  the  days  of  my  Grandmother,  in  her  Cabinet  of 
Relics.  Round  her  Waist  was  swathed  a  great  Cashmerian  Shawl, 
very  rich  and  noble,  and  with  a  heavy  Fringe;  and  from  among  the 
folds  peeped  out  a  little  Poniard  with  a  jeweled  Hilt,  and  a  knife 
with  a  Gold  and  Mother-of-pearl  Haft  to  cut  her  Victuals.  She 
wore  loose  Trousers  or  Drawers  of  a  very  fine  spun  Silk,  covered 
with  a  raised  pattern  in  gold  thread,  that,  as  is  the  custom  of  the 
Moorish  Women,  were  fastened  at  the  Knee,  and  then  fell  in  quite 
a  torrent  of  Drapery  down  to  her  Ankles,  nearly  covering  her  pretty 
Feet.  A  sweet  Fashion,  and  very  Modest.  As  to  the  Feet  them¬ 
selves — the  smallest,  sure,  that  mortal  woman  ever  had — I  could, 
rapid  as  was  my  survey,  see  that  she  wore  no  Hose;  but  her  tiny 
Toes  were  thrust  into  Slippers  or  Papowshes  of  blue  velvet,  all 
heightened  and  enriched  with  Gold  Orris  and  Seed  Pearls.  On  her 
head  was  a  dainty  little  cap,  of  the  Fez  Pattern,  but  of  velvet  in¬ 
stead  of  cloth,  jeweled;  and  from  it  hung  a  monstrous  Tassel  of 
Gold,  which  reached  half  way  down  the  Back.  As  for  her  Hair, 
it  hung  very  nearly  down  to  the  ground,  being  all  collected  into  one 
Lock,  and  bound  and  plaited  with  Ribbons;  and  being  thus  adorned, 
were  tied  close  together  above  the  Lock,  the  several  corners  of  a 
Kerchief,  made  of  thin  flexible  plates  of  Gold,  cut  through,  and 
engraved  in  imitation  of  Lace.  In  one  hand  she  held  a  great  Fan, 
of  Peacocks'5  Feathers,  with  a  Mirror  in  the  midst,  and  a  handle  of 
Gold,  Emeralds,  and  Agate,  that  would  have  driven  a  Duke’s-Place 
Jew  crazy  to  look  at;  and  in  the  other — well,  you  know  that  Orien¬ 
tal  Fashions  are  different  from  ours,  and  that  the  Paynim  nations 
have  the  strangest  of  Manners  and  Customs — I  declare  that,  in  the 
other  Hand — the  dexter  one — the  Lady  held  the  Tube  of  a  Tobacco- 
pipe,  the  which  she  was  smoking  with  great  Deliberation  and  ap¬ 
parent  Relish.  But  ’twas  a  very  different  Pipe  to  what  we  are  in 
the  habit  of  seeing  in  England — having  a  Bowl  of  fine  Red  Clay 
encrusted  with  Gems,  a  Iona:  straight  tube  of  Cherry-wood,  and  a 
Mouth -piece  of  Amber  studded  with  Precious  Stones.  This  Pipe 
they  call  a  Chibook,  and  they  smoke  it  much  as  we  do  our  common 
Clay  things;  but  there’s  another,  which  they  call  a  Nargilly,  like 
the  Hubble-bubble  smoked  by  the  proud  Planters  in  the  Dutch  East 
Indies.  With  the  Nih’gilly,  the  Smoke  passes  first  through  Rose- 


320 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


water,  to  purify  it;  and  after  passing  through  many  snake-like  coils 
of  silk  and  wire  tubing,  the  Smoker  gulps  it  down  bodily;  so  that 
it  goes  into  his  Lungs,  and  must  make  them  as  sooty  as  a  foul 
Chimney.  Many  of  the  Turks  are  so  handy  at  this  nasty  trick,  that 
they  can  make  the  Smoke  they  have  swallowed  come  out  at  their 
ears,  eyes,  and  nostrils;  but  I  envy  them  not  such  Mountebankery, 
and  when  I  smoke  my  Pipe,  am  content  to  Blow  a  Cloud  in  a 
moderate  and  Christian  manner. 

I  have  kept  you  so  long  describing  this  Eastern  Lady’s  Dress, 
that  you  must  be  growing  impatient  to  know  whether  her  Face 
matched  in  handsomeness  with  her  Apparel;  but  there  was  the 
Deuce  of  it;  for  while  I  stood  before  her,  staring  and  wondering 
over  her  splendid  Habiliments,  I  could  catch  ne’er  a  glimpse  of 
her  Countenance,  which  was  entirely  concealed  from  view  by  the 
Veil  they  call  a  For mah,  which  is  made  of  a  very  fine  gauzy  stuff, 
but  painted  in  body-color  in  a  pattern  so  as  to  make  it  Opaque,  and 
so  artfully  disposed  as  to  hide  the  Face  without  shading  any  of  the 
splendor  of  the  Dress.  And  though  I  could  not  make  out  so  much 
as  the  tip  of  (he  Lady’s  Nose,  I  had  a  queer  sensation  that  she  was 
looking  at  me,  nay,  even  that  her  eyes  were  twinkling  in  a  merry 
manner  under  her  Veil.  And  so  I  remained  Dumfounded,  quite 
uncertain  as  to  the  kind  of  Adventure  that  had  befallen  me.  Had 
some  Moorish  or  Turkish  Dame  designed  only  to  Divert  herself  at 
the  expense  of  a  poor  Christian  Slave?  or  was  the  Veiled  Lady 
only  some  artful  Adventuress  of  the  Jewish,  Armenian,  or  Coplitic 
Nation,  of  whom  there  were  many  here,  affecting  great  magnificence 
in  their  Habits  and  Living? 

Full  Ten  Minutes  had  the  Lady  so  gazed  upon  me,  I  staring 
stupidly  at  her,  and  the  Negress  continuing  to  enjoin  me  to  silence 
by  putting  her  finger  to  her  Lips.  Then  clapping  her  little  hands 
together  (I  mean  that  the  Lady  did,  for  the  Black  Woman’s  were 
sad  Paws),  in  tumbles  from  a  little  door  at  the  side  of  the  Divan  a 
Negro  Urchin  about  eight  years  of  age,  very  richly  clad,  who  at 
her  command  brings  Pipes  and  Coffee;  and,  signs  being  made  to 
me,  I  sat  down  on  a  couple  of  Pillows  on  the  Ground,  smoked  a 
Cliibook,  emptied  a  Cup,  not  much  bigger  than  an  eggshell,  of 
Coffee — very  Bitter  and  Nauseous  here,  for  they  give  you  the  Dregs 
as  well  as  the  Liquor — all  the  while  staring  at  the  Lady  as  though 
my  Eyeballs  would  have  started  out  of  my  Head.  And  by  this 
time  the  Sun  had  quite  gone  down,  and  as  there  is  but  little  Twi¬ 
light  in  these  parts,  the  Shade  of  Evening  fell  like  a  great  black 
Pall  over  the  Room;  so  the  little  Black  Urchin  came  tumbling  in 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


321 


again  with  a  couple  of  Lamps,  which  he  set  clown  before  the  Divan. 
These  cast  a  very  soft  and  rosy  Light,  passing  through  folds  of 
Pink  Silk;  and  as  soon  as  my  eyes  grew  accustomed  to  ’em,  I  could 
see  that  the  Lady  had  raised  her  Veil,  that  she  was  looking  upon 
me  with  a  pair  of  Dark,  Roguish,  Twinkling  Orbs,  and  that  I  was 
sitting  in  the  presence  of  my  kind  Protectress,  Lilias. 

“  What  think  you  of  this  for  an  Opera  Habit,  goodman  Cer¬ 
berus?”  cried  she.  “  Is  this  not  much  better  than  the  Ballet  of 
Orpheus?  And,  goodness!  what  strange  Accoutrement  have  you, 
too,  got  into?” 

When  my  first  ecstasies  of  Joy  and  Amazement  were  over,  I  ex¬ 
plained  to  my  Dear  Patroness  the  reasons  (none  of  my  own  choos¬ 
ing)  for  appearing  in  such  a  Garb  as  I  then  wore;  telling  her  how 
I  had  been  Galley-Slave,  and  was  now  Cymbal-Player,  to  the.  Un¬ 
believing  Dey  of  Algiers;  and  with  great  Humility  did  I  ask  after 
her  Honored  Parent,  and  seek  to  know  by  what  uncommon  Acci¬ 
dent  she,  the  erst  Ballet-Dancer  in  the  King’s  Opera-House  at  Paris, 
had  come  to  be  the  tenant  of  this  Outlandish  House,  and  arrayed 
in  this  Heathen  Habit.  She  answered  me  with  that  Candor  and 
Simplicity  which  I  ever  found  characteristic  of  her.  Old  Mr. 
Lovell  was  still  alive,  and  in  Paris;  and  this  is  how  his  Daughter 
had  become  separated  from  him.  A  very  brilliant  Engagement,  as 
First  Dancer,  indeed,  had  been  offered  to  her  at  the  King’s  Theater 
at  Palermo;  and,  after  long  unsuccessful  importunities  addressed 
fO  the  Gentlemen  of  the  French  King’s  Chamber  to  cancel  her  En¬ 
gagement,  these  instances,  owing  to  the  untiring  influence  of  Cardi¬ 
nal  de - ,  had  succeeded,  and  she  was  allowed  to  depart.  Full 

willingly  would  she  have  taken  her  Papa  with  her  as  a  Traveling- 
Companion;  but  the  Old  Gentleman  was  now  very  Infirm,  and 
averse  from  Moving;  and  so  Lilias  was  placed  under  the  Guardian¬ 
ship  of  an  old  Spanish  Lady,  the  Senora  Satisfacion  de  Mismar, 
who  was  the  Palermo  Manager’s  Aunt,  made  his  engagements  for 
him  abroad,  and  played  the  Duenna  or  Singing  old  Woman  in  his 
Comedies  and  Operas  at  home.  Nothing  could  be  properer  than 
this  arrangement,  Donna  Satisfacion  being  a  personage  of  exceed¬ 
ing  Discretion  and  Propriety  of  Behavior;  so  the  two,  with  half  a 
dozen  more  little  Dancing-girls  that  had  been  hired  to  fill  inferior 
places,  started  for  Bordeaux,  whence  they  designed  to  take  shipping 
for  Palermo.  But  by  ill  luck  there  was  no  Packet  or  Merchant 
Vessel  bound  for  Sicily  to  be  taken  up  for  a  long  time;  and  so  they 
were  fain  to  travel  to  Toulon,  avoiding  Marseilles,  where  the  Plague 
then  was  very  bad,  and  thence  by  way  of  Nizza  lo  Genoa,  where 


322 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


they  found  a  Brig  bound  for  Messina,  which  they  thought  would 
serve  their  turn.  And,  in  truth,  the  poor  souls  found  it  but  too 
well  served;  for  the  Brig  was  captured  off  Bastia  in  Corsica  by  one 
of  these  diabolical  Barbary  Rovers,  all  on  board  made  Slaves,  and 
carried,  not  into  Algiers,  but  into  Sallee.  There,  after  much  suffer, 
ing,  poor  Dona  Satisfacion  de  Mismar  died  of  a  Distemper  of  the 
country,  and  poor  Lilias  was  left  without  any  other  Protector  than 
her  own  Virtue  and  a  kind  Providence. 

’Twas  a  terrible  condition  to  be  left  in:  Young,  Fair,  Friendless, 
and  a  Slave  among  these  Moorish  Barbarians.  By  Heaven ’s  Mercy, 
however,  the  dear  Girl  came  to  no  Harm.  'Tis  the  custom,  before 
the  Christian  Women- captives  are  exposed  for  sale  in  the  public 
Slave-Market,  where  they  are  Handled  and  put  through  their  paces 
as  though  they  were  so  many  Cattle,  for  a  Private  Inspection  of 
’em  to  be  made  by  the  rich  Persons  of  the  place,  who  come  and 
take  Pipes  and  Coffee  with  the  Merchant,  glance  over  his  Stock  in 
a  respectful  Manner,  and  often  strike  a  Bargain  there  and  then. 
The  Girls  for  sale  are  appareled  in  a  sumptuous  manner,  bathed, 
perfumed,  and  trinketed  out  for  their  Private  View;  and  their  Cap- 
tors  seek  to  render  ’em  docile  by  giving  ’em  plenty  of  Sweetmeats. 
As  if  the  intolerable  pangs  of  Slavery  were  to  be  allayed  by  Lolli¬ 
pops!  It  chanced  that  among  the  visitors  to  the  Merchant’s  House 
was  one  Hamet  Abdoollah,  a  very  Learned  Man,  a  Physician  by 
Trade,  and  equally  trusted  by  the  Bey  of  Tunis,  the  Dey  of  Algiers, 
and  him  who  reigned  at  Tripoli;  but  who  would  not  devote  himself 
to  the  service  of  any  of  these  Potentates,  but,  loving  an  independent 
life  served  all  with  equal  fidelity,  sometimes  even  traveling  so  far 
as  the  Capital  of  Morocco,  where  he  was  in  high  favor  with  the 
Savage  who  calls  himself  Emperor  of  that  country,  which  would 
be  as  piratical  as  the  Barbary  States,  only  it  has  less  Seaboard. 
The  father  of  this  Physician  had  been  quite  as  learned  a  Man  as 
he,  and  by  the  name  of  Muley  Abdoollah  had  traveled  much  in 
Western  Europe,  where  by  his  Skill  and  Erudition  he  had  gained 
so  much  consideration  among  the  Polite  as  to  be  elected  a  Corre¬ 
spondent  Member  of  the  Royal  Society  of  England  and  the  Paris 
Academy  of  Sciences.  His  son  was  one  of  the  wisest  and  justest 
and  most  merciful  of  his  Species,  as  you  will  presently  have  cause 
to  admit.  He  was  struck  at  once  by  the  Beauty,  Intelligence,  and 
Goodness  of  Lilias,  and  his  humane  heart  recoiled  at  the  thought  of 
what  her  fate  might  have  been  among  a  people  given  up  to  Cruelty 
and  Lust.  He  forthwith  bought  her  of  the  Merchant  at  a  fair  price; 
for  although  that  crafty  and  rapacious  Slave-Dealer  would  have 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


333 

made  him  pay  Through  the  Nose  for  his  Treasure,  knowing  the 
Physician  to  be  a  man  of  great  Wealth,  he  forbore  in  very  shame 
from  his  extortion;  for  Hamet  Abdoollah  had  but  just  saved  his 
little  son  out  of  a  Fever,  after  he  had  been  given  up  by  all  the 
Ignorant  Leeches  of  Sallee. 

So  Lilias  became  the  Bond-servant,  but  only  so  in  name,  to  this 
Wise  and  Good  Man.  As  her  dearest  wish  was  now  to  rejoin  her 
Father,  he  undertook  to  send  her  back  to  France,  and  with  that 
view  did  remove  with  his  precious  charge  to  Algiers,  only  exacting 
from  her  a  promise  that  while  she  remained  under  his  protection 
she  would  wear  the  Moorish  Habit,  and  pass  as  his  Wife,  so  as  to 
avoid  Insult  when  she  walked  abroad.  But  of  any  thoughts  of 
Love  and  Intrigue  the  Good  Man  was  entirely  free  He  was  wrapped 
up  in  the  study  of  the  Healing  Art,  and  troubled  his  head  much 
more  about  Drugs,  Cataplasms,  and  Electuaries,  than  about  the 
Bow  and  Arrows  of  Dan  Cupid.  Though  why  the  God  of  Love 
should  have  been  christened  Daniel  it  puzzles  me  to  comprehend. 
This  accounts  for  the  manner  in  which  I  had  found  my  dear  Pro¬ 
tectress  caparisoned  in  every  respect  as  a  Moorish  Dame.  She  told 
me  that  this  was  by  no  means  the  first  time  she  had  seen  me,  and 
that  my  being  Cymbal-Player  in  the  Dey’s  Musicians  was  very  well 
known  to  her,  and  that  her  kind  Guardian  was  on  the  point  of  peti¬ 
tioning  the  Dey  to  release  me  from  Servitude,  when  by  accident  she 
espied  me  from  the  Window,  and  could  not  resist  the  temptation  of 
having  me  called  in. 

But,  in  her  sweet  regard  for  what  was  due  to  Modesty  and 
Decorum,  she  would  have  no  Parley  with  me  save  in  the  presence 
of  the  Black  slave — ’tis  true  that  she  did  not  understand  a  word  of 
English — and  directly  she  had  come  to  an  end  of  her  Narrative  she 
sent  the  Tumbling  Urchin  to  inquire  whether  the  Physician  had 
come  home,  the  part  of  the  House  she  occupied  being  quite  separate 
and  distinct  from  his.  The  smutty  little  Imp  comes  back  bringing 
word  that  Hamet  would  wait  upon  her  presently;  and  anon,  after 
discreetly  tapping  at  the  door,  he  came  in,  a  grave,  Reverend  Man, 
in  a  flowing  Robe  of  Sad-colored  Taffety  and  with  a  long  White 
Beard  and  Green  Turban;  for  he  had  made  the  Mecca  Pilgrimage, 
and  yet  abstained  from  assuming  the  title  of  Hadji,  to  which  he  was 
entitled.  He  spoke  very  good  French,  and  even  a  little  English 
(learned  from  his  Papa);  and  when  I  was  made  known  to  him, 
asked  for  news  of  Dr.  Mead  and  Sir  Hans  Sloane,  although  I  could 
tell  him  but  little  of  that  worthy  and  deceased  Gentleman. 

“  Happy  is  the  Wooing  that  is  not  long  a-Doing,”  they  say;  and, 


CAPTAIN  DANGEKOUS. 


324 

by  this  time,  you  will  probably  have  discovered  that  I  Loved  Lilias 
Lovell  very  dearly.  ’Twas  no  Ramping,  Rantipoling,  Fiery-Furnace 
kind  of  Calf  Love  on  my  part,  but  a  matured  and  sensible  admixture 
of  Gratitude  and  Sincere  Affection.  I  scorn  to  conceal  that  although 
I  knew  myself  to  be  by  Lineage  worthy  the  hand  of  a  Gentleman's 
Daughter,  *  I  was  aware  that,  by  the  Meanness  of  the  condition 
under  which  I  was  first  known  to  the  Lovell  Family,  a  Gulf  yawned 
between  their  Estate  and  mine;  and  that,  warm  and  devoted  as  was 
my  Love  for  the  Pretty  Little  Creature  I  had  saved  from  Ihe 
Flames,  I  could  but  deem  that  she  reckoned  the  Humane  Dog  Cer¬ 
berus  of  the  Opera  Ballet  as  of  no  greater  account  than  a  real  Dog¬ 
gish  Mastiff.  But,  to  my  extreme  Amazement  and  Felicity,  this 
was  not  so.  I  was  believed  by  this  Amiable  Young  Person,  to  whom 
Embassadors  were  proud  to  go  on  their  knees,  and  whom  Gentle¬ 
men  of  the  Chamber  would  have  covered  with  Diamonds.  With  a 
charming  frankness,  blushing  and  stammering,  yet  with  Virginal 
Pride,  she  confessed  that  she  was  enamored  of  me,  and,  if  Fortune 
were  propitious,  would  gladly  be  my  Wife.  I  could  at  first  scarcely 
realize  the  possibility  of  such  great  and  unmerited  Happiness;  for 
well  did  1  know  the  disparity  in  Age  that  existed  between  us — how 
Rough  and  Weather-beaten  was  I;  and  she,  how  Tender,  Delicate, 
and  Good!  “  But  does  not  the  Ivy  twine  round  the  Oak?”  quoth 
the  Physician,  as  he  smote  me  cheerfully  on  the  Shoulder.  And  be¬ 
hold,  now,  gnarled  and  battered  old  Jack  Dangerous,  with  this 
delicious  little  Parasite  creeping  toward  and  Nestling  Round  him. 


CHAPTER  THE  TWENTY-SIXTH  AND  LAST. 

OF  MY  SERVICE  UNDER  THE  GREAT  TURK  AS  A  BASHAW;  OF  MY 
ADVENTURES  IN  RUSSIA  AND  OTHER  COUNTRIES;  AND  OF  MY 
COMING  HOME  AT  LAST  AND  BUYING  MY  GRANDMOTHER’S 
HOUSE  (WHICH  IS  NOW  MINE)  IN  HANOVER  SQUARE. 

’Twas  the  advice  of  the  Good  Physician,  that,  to  prevent  Acci¬ 
dents,  we  should  be  Married  without  Delay;  for  in  these  hot  coun¬ 
tries  you  are  here  to-day  and  gone  to-morrow,  and  no  one  can  tell 
what  may  happen.  Difficulties  almost  insurmountable,  ’tis  true, 
seemed  to  stand  in  the  way  of  our  Union;  but  Hamet  Abdoollah 

*  I  preserve  a  fragment  of  what  His  Eminence  was  pleased  once  upon  a  time 
to  write  to  me,  in  his  curious  Italian  way  of  spelling  the  French  tongue:  “  Se 
cieu  che  vous  m'avez  diet  sur  vostre  Naissctnce  e  way,  vos  esteo  digne  di 
monter  dedans  le  carozze  du  Roy 


CAPTAIN"  DANGEROUS. 


325 


was  able  to  act  almost  a  Magician’s  part  to  bring  about  our  Happi¬ 
ness.  I  was  for  the  time  being  bestowed  in  his  House,  and  the  next 
morning  the  Physician  hies  him  to  the  Dey,  who  was  in  a  Fury 
about  me,  and  was  threatening  all  kinds  of  Bowstrings  and  Basti¬ 
nadoes.  But  his  Highness  happening  likewise  to  be  sutfering  from 
Toothache,  and  as  a  Man  with  a  Raging  Tooth  would  give  all  the 
Treasures  of  Potosi  to  be  quit  of  his  Agony,  the  Physician  promised 
to  Relieve  him  forthwith  if  he  would  grant  his  Suit.  The  Dey 
promised  him  anything  he  could  wish  for,  and  so  Hamet  Abdoollah 
cures  him  with  a  little  vial  full  of  nothing  but  Tar  Balsam.  ’Tis 
but  just  to  the  Mussulmans  to  say,  that  when  they  have  once  given 
their  Word  of  Honor  they  keep  it  with  Extreme  Rigor;  so  that 
when  the  Physician  begged  pardon  for  me,  and  License  to  purchase 
me  out  of  the  Dey’s  service  and  take  me  into  his  own,  the  Suit  was 
very  cheerfully  granted.  Joyfully  Hamet  Abdoollah  repairs  to  us 
again,  with  a  Firman  under  the  Dey’s  own  Signet  granting  me 
my  Liberty;  and  that  very  forenoon  my  silver  Collar,  Anklets,  and 
Manacles  were  stricken  off — the  Physician  returning  them  to  the 
Dey’s  Treasury — and  I  was  no  longer  a  Slave. 

Although  there  is  no  Man  alive  who  mislikes  Popery  and  its 
Superstitious  Practices  more  than  does  J.  D.,  there  is  one  order  of 
Huns  and  one  of  Monks  for  whose  members  I  entertain  a  profound 
Love  and  Reverence.  Of  She- Religious,  I  mean  those  Blessed 
Sisters  of  Charity  who  go  about  the  World  doing  good,  brav- 
ing  sickness,  succoring  misery,  assuaging  hunger,  drying  up 
Tears,  and  smiling  in  the  Face  of  Death.  God  bless  those  Holy 
Women,  say  I,  wheresoever  they  are  to  be  found!  and  in  our  own 
Protestant  country  of  England,  why  should  we  not  have  similar 
Sisterhoods  of  Women  of  Mercy,  or  Deaconesses,  bound  by  n) 
rigid  vows,  and  suffering  no  ridiculous  Penances  of  Stripes  and 
Macerations,  but  obeying  only  the  call  of  Religious  Charity,  and 
going  Quietly  and  Trustfully  about  their  Master’s  Business?  Of 
He-Monks,  I  mean  the  Fathers  of  the  Work  of  Redemption,  or 
Redemptorists,  whose  sole  business  it  is  to  travel  about  Begging 
and  Praying  of  the  Rich  for  money  to  Ransom  poor  Christian 
bodies  out  of  Slavery;  which  is  a  better  work,  I  think,  than  pray¬ 
ing  for  the  deliverance  of  their  Souls  out  of  Purgatory.  These 
Redemptorist  Fathers  have  a  permanent  Station  and-  Correspon¬ 
dence  at  all  the  Piratical  Ports  of  the  Barbary  Coast;  and  at  stated 
times,  when  they  have  gathered  enough  Money  to  redeem  a  certain 
number  of  Christians,  a  body  of  the  Fraternity  visit  the  Station, 
take  away  their  Sanctified  Merchandise,  and  by  their  Humble  an tl 


326 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


Devout  Carriage,  and  exemplary  Poverty  of  Life,  extort  admiration 
even  from  the  Blood-thirsty  Heathens. 

Now,  at  Algiers,  about  this  time,  there  was  suffered  to  dwell  an 
old  Religious  of  this  Order,  Le  Pere  Lefanu — who  for  his  Virtues 
and  Piety  was  esteemed  even  by  the  Mussulman  Ulemas,  and  was 
thought  a  good  deal  more  of  than  any  of  their  Marabutts  or  San- 
tons,  which  is  a  name  they  give  to  a  kind  of  wandering  Idiots, 
who,  the  Crazier  they  are,  are  thought  the  more  deserving  of  Super¬ 
stitious  Veneration.  Pere  Lefanu  was  nearly  ninety  years  of  age, 
and  had  dwelt  among  these  Barbarians  for  full  sixty  years  of  his 
Life,  passing  his  time  in  Meditation,  Prayer,  and  the  Visitation  of 
the  Sick  and  Needy,  both  among  the  Unbelievers  and  the  Christian 
Slaves,  and  at  the  same  time  transacting  all  necessary  business  with 
the  Dey’s  Head-men  for  periodically  redeeming  those  that  were  in 
Bondage.  Our  good  Physician  had  a  profound  esteem  for  this 
Reverend  Person,  and  often  visited  lnm;  and  now  it  was  through 
.  his  Ministry  that  Lilias  and  I  were  to  be  made  One.  I  had  for¬ 
gotten  to  say,  that  my  departed  Saint  was  of  the  Communion  opposite 
to  mine;  but  in  a  land  of  Pagans  ’tis  as  wrell  to  forget  all  differences 
between  Papists  and  Protestants,  and  to  remember  only  that  we  are 
Christians.  Pere  Lefanu  had  been  ordained  a  Secular  Priest  before 
he  had  become  a  Regular  Monk,  and  he  told  me  that  if  I  had  any 
Conscientious  Scruples  as  to  the  Husband  being  a  Protestant  and 
the  Wife  of  another  way  of  Thinking,  I  could  have  the  marriage 
done  over  again  in  whatever  way  I  thought  proper  on  our  return  lo 
Europe.  But  I  was  in  far  too  great  a  Hurry  to  be  Married  to  look 
too  narrowly  which  way  the  Cat  jumped;  and  a  Romish  Wedding 
is  surely  better  than  jumping  over  a  Broomstick,  which,  unless  we 
had  adopted  the  uncouth  Moresque  custom,  would  have  been  all 
the  Ceremony  of  Matrimony  we  could  have  had.  So  Pere  Lefanu 
came  privately,  to  avoid  Gossip,  to  the  Physician’s  House,  and 
Lilias  Lovell  and  John  Dangerous  were  made  One  in  the  French 
Language,  the  contracting  parties  being  English,  the  Bridegroom's 
best  man  a  tawny  Mohammedan  Moor,  and  the  only  Bridesmaid  a 
Black  Negress. 

Our  Honey-moon  (we  continuing  to  dwell  in  the  House  of  the 
good  Hamet  Abdoollah)  was  one  of  unmixed  Joy  and  Gladness; 
but  ’twas  too  complete  to  last  long,  and  soon  came  a  black  Storm 
to  lash  into  fury  the  calm  surface  of  our  Life’s  Lake.  Seized  with 
a  Malignant  Distemper,  and  after  but  three  days’  Sickness,  the 
good  Hamet  Abdoollah  died.  His  Pillow  was  smoothed  by  our 
reverent  hands,  and  with  his  dying  breath  he  blessed  us.  I  know 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


327 


not  if  there  be  any  Saints  in  the  Mussulman  Church;  but  if  ever  a 
man  deserved  Canonization  from  whatsoever  Communion  he  be¬ 
longed  to,  I  am  sure  it  was  Hamet  Abdoollah,  the  Moorish  Phy¬ 
sician. 

His  Skill  in  Medicine  had  brought  him  great  Wealth,  of  which, 
although  he  was  always  distributing  Alms  to  the  Poor,  he  left  a 
considerable  Portion  behind  him.  In  his  last  moments  he  sent  for 
the  Cadi  and  Ulema  of  his  quarter,  for  his  will  to  be  made,  or  at 
least  to  assure  them  by  word  of  mouth  of  his  Testamentary  Inten¬ 
tions,  which  among  this  People  wrould  have  been  as  religiously  car¬ 
ried  out  as  though  he  had  written  them.  But,  alas!  when  the  Cadi 
and  the  Ulema  arrived,  he  was  speechless,  and  died  without  word 
or  sign  of  his  Wishes. 

His  Relations  came  forthwith  to  administer  to  his  Effects,  and  (if 
truth  lie  not  unpalatable  to  English  Heirs,  that  often  do  the  same 
thing)  to  fight  and  squabble  over  the  administration  thereof.  A 
pretty  Noise  and  Riot  they  made :  now  weeping  and  howling  over 
the  Corse;  now  bursting  open  Trunks,  wrenching  Trinkets  from 
each  other,  striving  to  convey  away  Garments  and  Furniture,  and 
even  tearing  down  the  hangings  of  Rich  Stuff.  Only  the  Harem, 
where  my  one  True  Wife  was,  remained  inviolate  from  #  these 
Harpies;  but  me  they  overwhelmed  with  the  most  injurious  Invec¬ 
tives  and  accosted  by  the  foulest  epithets,  calling  me  Infidel,  Pig, 
Giaour  Dog,  Frankish  Thief,  and  the  like,  telling  me  that  I  had 
fattened  long  enough  on  the  Substance  of  a  True  Believer,  with  the 
like  opprobrious  speeches.  I  let  them  have  their  way,  only  giving 
them  to  understand  that  the  first  Man  who  should  attempt  to  cross 
the  Threshold  of  my  Harem,  it  were  better  for  him  that  lie  never 
had  been  Born. 

Soon,  however,  came  a  greater  Heir  at  Law  than  any  of  these,  to 
take  possession  of  the  Dead  Man’s  heritage.  The  news  of  Hamet 
Abdoollali’s  decease  had  come  to  the  ears  of  the  Dey;  and  straight¬ 
way  he  sends  down  a  strong  guard  of  Coglolies  to  Seize  all  in  his 
Name,  specially  enjoining  the  Bullock-Bashee  in  command  to  put 
the  big  Christian  Slave  (meaning  myself)  in  Fetters,  and  equally 
secure,  although  with  lighter  Bonds,  the  fair  Frankish  Woman, 
meaning  my  dear  Wife  Lilias.  All  this  was  no  sooner  said  than 
done.  The  Rough  Soldiers  burst  into  the  House,  and,  to  prevent 
any  misunderstanding  about  me,  a  Cloth  (for  which  I  was  quite  un¬ 
prepared)  was  thrown  over  my  head  from  Behind;  and  while  I  was 
yet  struggling  to  free  myself  from  this  blinding  Incumbrance,  the 
Gyves  were  passed  over  my  Wrists  and  Ankles.  And  then  they  re- 


328 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


moved  the  Cloth,  and,  laden  with  heavy  Chains,  1  had  to  behold  in 
Despair  their  Invading  the  Sanctity  of  my  Harem,  and  teaiing 
therefrom  my  Lilias.  In  vain  did  I  Shout,  Threaten,  Grind  my 
Teeth,  Implore,  Promise,  and  strive  to  Tear  my  Hair.  They  only 
Laughed;  and  one  Brutish  Coglolie  made  as  though  to  strike  me 
with  the  flat  of  his  Saber,  when  I  out  with  my  foot,  all  fettered  as  it 
was,  and  gave  the  Ruffian  a  blow  on  the  Jaw,  the  which,  by  the 
momentum  given  by  the  Iron,  I  thought  had  stove  it  in.  This  much 
infuriated  his  Savage  Companions;  and  I  doubt  not  but  that  they 
would  have  finished  me,  but  the  Bullock- Bashse,  who  had  orders  to 
the  contrary,  constrained  them  to  stay  their  hand. 

What  became  of  my  dear  Lilias,  I  was  not  allowed  to  know.  She 
was  borne  away,  shrieking  and  calling  on  me,  with  streaming  Eyes, 
for  help;  and  I  saw  her  no  more.  Myself  they  dragged  down-stairs; 
and  when  we  were  come  into  the  street,  flung  me,  fettered  as  I  was, 
over  the  back  of  an  Artillery  Horse,  where  I  lay,  face  downward, 
and  in  a  kind  of  stupor,  as  listless  as  a  Miller’s  Sack;  and  so,  my 
Gyves  jingling  and  clattering,  I  was  conveyed  away. 

The  cruel  and  remorseless  Dey  of  Algiers  I  saw  no  more.  Some 
spark  of  shame  there  might  perchance  be  in  the  Ruffian’s  Breast 
that  forbade  him  to  gaze  upon  the  man  he  had  pardoned  and  en¬ 
franchised,  and  had  now  traitorously  Kidnapped.  I  suppose  that 
in  the  Thieves’  philosophy  of  this  Fellow  he  reasoned  that,  if 
promises  are  to  be  kept  to  Live  Men,  there  is  no  need  to  keep  them 
unto  Dead  ones;  that  he  was  released  from  all  his  obligations  by  the 
demise  of  Hamet  Abdoollah;  and  that,  as  the  Physician  could  not 
cure  him  of  the  Toothache  again,  if  he  chanced  to  get  it,  ’twas  idle 
to  continue  bestowing  Favors  where  no  Benefits  could  be  derived. 

Into  a  wretched  Dungeon  of  the  Arsenal  was  poor  J.  Dangerous 
thrust,  with  naught  for  victuals  but  Musty  Beans  and  Stinking 
Water.  When  I  had  been  here,  groaning  and  gnashing  my  teeth, 
for  seven  days — which  seemed  to  me  thrice  seven  years — a  Rascally 
Fellow  that  I  knew  to  be  a  Scribe  belonging  to  the  Divan  of  the 
Dey  comes  into  my  Dungeon  to  tell  me  that  the  Packet-ship  has 
come  in  from  Marseilles,  and  that  in  answer  lo  my  letter  to  Mon¬ 
sieur  Foscue,  that  Merchant  sends  word  that  he  knows  nothing  at 
all  about  me;  to  which  the  Rascally  Scribe  adds,  in  the  Lingua 
Franca,  that  I  was  no  doubt  an  Impostor  who  had  trumped  up  a 
convenient  Fable  of  my  being  a  Gentleman  and  having  Correspond¬ 
ents  who  would  be  Answerable  for  my  Ransom  in  Europe,  in  order 
to  get  better  food  and  treatment  until  the  real  truth  could  be  known. 
Whereupon  he  tells  me  that  his  Highness  the  Dey  had  not  yet  quite 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


329 


made  up  his  mind  as  to  whether  he  shall  have  me  Impaled  or  merely 
Flayed  Alive,  and  so  slams  the  door  in  my  face. 

In  this  Horrible  Dungeon  did  I  continue  for  seven  days  more, 
mostly  groveling  on  the  ground,  my  face  downward,  and  praying 
for  Deliverance  or  Death.  I  had  a  mind  to  dash  my  Brains  out 
against  the  slimy  walls  of  the  Cell,  but  was  only  stayed  by  the 
thought  of  my  Lilias.  ’Twas  always  night  in  this  abominable  Hole, 
which  was  lighted  only  by  a  hole  in  the  roof,  about  four  inches 
square,  and  which  gave  not  into  the  open  air  but  into  a  Corridor 
above.  But  on  the  fifteenth  night  of  my  Captivity,  for  I  judged  it 
so  by  the  utter  darkness,  the  door  of  the  Dungeon  opened,  and  the 
Blessed  Old  Man  that  was  a  Redemptorist  Father  appeared,  bearing; 
a  Lantern. 

“You  have  that  about  you,  my  son,  ’  ’  says  he,  ‘  ‘  which  should  be 
a  sign  that  you  are  a  trusted  Agent  of  Holy  Mother  Church.  Can 
you  show  it?” 

I  pointed  with  one  of  my  fettered  hands  to  my  Breast,  and  made 
signs  for  him  to  search  for  that  he  was  in  quest  of.  The  which  he 
did,  and  after  reverently  kissing  the  Parchment  I  had  between  the 
Glasses,  restored  it  to  me. 

“  You  have  been  most  basely  entreated,”  he  continued.  “  Mon¬ 
sieur  Foscue  sent  ample  funds  for  your  Ransom,  and  his  Eminence 
is  most  anxious  for  your  safety;  but  the  cruel  Moorish  Prince  who 
governs  this  unhappy  city,  after  taking  the  money,  feigned  that 
you  had  made  your  Escape  from  the  Arsenal,  designing  to  keep  you 
here  in  Chains  and  Hunger  until  you  should  Perish.” 

He  paused  for  a  moment,  for  his  Great  Age  made  him  very  feeble, 
and  then  continued: 

‘  ‘  I  can  deliver  you  from  this  Abode  of  Misery ;  but  it  is  not  in  my 
power,  my  son,  to  give  you  entire  Deliverance.  Would  that  I 
could!  You  have  but  to  follow  me  to  the  Quay-side,  where  you 
will  find  a  boat  to  convey  you  on  board  a  Turkey  Merchant -ship, 
that  to-morrow  morning  weighs  anchor  for  Constantinople.  You 
will  still  be  a  Slave  to  the  Captain,  but  to  your  own  ingenuity  I 
leave  it  to  obtain  complete  Freedom.” 

“  And  my  Wife — my  dear,  dear  Lilias?”  I  asked. 

The  Ancient  Man  shook  his  head. 

“  I  can  do  nothing  to  bring  you  together  again.  She  can  not  fol¬ 
low  you  to  Stamboul;  but  by  Perseverance,  and  in  Time,  you 
may  be  restored  to  her.” 

“  Time!”  I  cried  out,  in  bitter  desperation.  “  Time!  O  Father! 
I  am  growing  an  old  man.  She  is  the  stay  and  prop  of  my  Life;  she 


330 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


is  the  only  ray  of  sunshine  cast  on  a  Black  and  Wicked  Career! 
And  she  is  taken  from  me  by  these  Butchers!  and  I  am  to  sec  her 
no  more?  What  care  I  for  Hunger  and  Chains,  and  a  Dungeon- 
floor  for  a  Pallet?  They  have  been  familiar  to  me  from  my  earliest 
youth.  If  I  am  not  to  have  my  Lilias ’s  sweet  companionship  again, 
I  will  remain  here,  in  this  Hole,  and  die  like  a  Dog,  as  I  am.” 

“  Take  comfort,  my  son,”  said  the  Redemptorist  Monk.  “  Time 
and  Perseverance  may,  I  repeat,  enable  you  to  attain  your  heart’s 
desire.  Meanwhile,  console  yourself  with  the  assurance  that  the 
Pair  and  Good  Woman,  who  is  your  Wife,  is  out  of  peril  from  law¬ 
less  men.  By  the  same  Packet- ship  that  brought  the  Letters  from 
Monsieur  Foscue  came  a  Sum  sufficient  Doubly  to  Ransom  the 
Young  Woman.  The  benignant  protection  of  his  Eminence  has 
been  extended  to  her,  and  she  will  in  a  few  days  return  to  France, 
and  to  her  Father.” 

“  But  can  I  not  see  her? — can  not  I  touch  her  Hand? — can  I  not 
press  her  Lip? — for  one  brief  moment,  and  for  the  last  time?” 

“  It  is  impossible,”  answered  the  Monk.  “  She  is  watched  both 
Day  and  Night,  by  zealousagents  of  the  Dey,  and  I  have  no  means  of 
access  to  her.  ’Twould  be  death  both  to  you  and  to  myself  were  I 
to  seek  to  bring  about  a  meeting  between  you.  Even  now  the  pre¬ 
cious  moments  are  wasting  away.  In  another  hour  the  Guard  will 
be  changed,  and  your  Escape  impossible.” 

“And  how  is  it  possible  now?”  I  asked.  “  And  will  no  one 
come  to  Hurt  through  my  evasion?” 

“It  is  possible,”  lie  repeated.  “You  have  to  walk  but  from 
hence  to  the  Outer  Gate  and  the  Quay-side.  Immediately  you  have 
departed,  the  Body  of  a  poor  Christian  Slave,  of  your  age  and 
stature,  who  died  this  morning  at  the  Arsenal,  will  be  conveyed 
here,  and  garnished  with  your  Chains.  The  Dey  will  be  told  that 
you  have  died  in  Prison.  He  loves  not  to  look  upon  the  faces  of 
those  he  has  murdered,  and  will  take  the  word  of  the  Aga,  who  is 
in  our  pay.  Come!  there  is  not  an  instant  to  be  lost.  Here  is  the 
key  to  your  Fetters.  Unlock  them,  and  follow  me.” 

With  a  heart  that  was  now  elated  with  the  prospect  of  Deliver- 
ance,  and  now  sunk  at  the  thought  that  I  was  still  to  be  separated 
from  my  Lilias,  I  did  as  the  good  Redemptorist  bade  me,  and,  cast¬ 
ing  my  accursed  Shackles  from  me  in  a  heap,  limped  slowly  forth 
— for  the  Iron  had  wofully  galled  me.  Outside  the  Dungeon-door 
stood  a  couple  of  Coglolies,  with  their  Turban-cloths  let  down  over 
their  faces  to  serve  as  Masks,  who  swiftly  unlocked  what  Doors 
remained  between  us  and  the  Sea  Rampart.  The  Monk  pressed  my 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


331 


Hand,  gave  me  his  Blessing,  bidding  me  hope  for  Better  Times,  and 
disappeared.  Guided  by  the  Coglolies,  and,  indeed,  half  supported 
by  them,  I  was  put  into  a  Boat  waiting  at  the  Quay-side,  as  the 
Monk  had  told  me,  and  ten  minutes’  hard  pulling  brought  us  along¬ 
side  a  large  craft,  on  board  which,  I  being  so  weak,  they  were  fain 
to  hoist  me  with  Hopes.  By  this  time  I  had  sunk  into  a  kind  of 
Lethargy,  and,  being  conveyed  below  and  put  into  a  cot  in  the  Mas¬ 
ter’s  Cabin,  fell  into  a  slumber,  which  lasted  for  very  many  hours. 

The  Captain  of  this  ship  was  an  English’ Renegado,  named  Sparken 
hoe.  He  had  served  as  Midshipman  and  Master’s  Mate  in  a  King’s 
ship;  but  having  been,  as  he  conceived,  unjustly  Broken  for  hot  words 
that  passed  between  him  and  the  Captain — this  took  place  at  Gibral¬ 
tar — had  deserted,  and  hid  himself  on  board  a  Merchant  Brig  bound 
for  Tangier.  At  last,  being  fond  of  a  Roving  Life  (and  having  the 
misfortune  to  kill  the  Captain  of  the  Merchant  Brig  in  a  dispute 
concerning  some  Bullocks  they  were  shipping),  he  had  turned  Mus¬ 
sulman;  and  after  living  some  time  among  the  Buccaneers  of  the 
Riff,  had  come  to  Algiers,  and  been  made  Captain  of  a  Merchant¬ 
man  trading  to  the  Dardanelles,  and  doing  a  bit  of  Piracy  when 
opportunity  served.  ’Twas  full  five-and-t, vventy  years  since  he  had 
Run  from  the  King  of  Great  Britain’s  service;  and  although  his 
Blue  Eyes  and  enormous  Red  Whiskers  still  gave  him  somewhat  of 
a  Saxon  appearance,  he  had  very  nearly  forgotten  his  Mother 
Tongue,  and  only  retained  English  enough  to  enable  him  to  mingle 
a  few  Billingsgate  Oaths  with  his  barbarous  Levantine  Lingo. 

This  fellow,  whom  I  heartily  despised,  for  he  had  kept  all  the 
Vices  of  his  former  Religion,  and  had  acquired  none  of  the  Virtues 
of  his  new  one,  was  civil  enough  to  me,  and  informed  me  that  all 
he  could  do  for  me,  in  return  for  the  Bribe  he  had  received  from 
his  Employers,  would  be  to  deliver  me  to  a  Slave  Merchant  at  Con¬ 
stantinople,  who  would  place  me  out  in  Domestic  Service  where  I 
should  not  be  ill-treated.  But  he  very  strongly  advised  me  to  turn 
Turk  or  Renegado,  as  he  himself  was,  saying,  that  in  such  a  case 
he  would  land  me  perfectly  free  at  the  Porte,  where  I  should  doubt¬ 
less  find  some  profitable  Employment.  This  I  scornfully  refused; 
whereupon  he  shrugged  his  Shoulders,  and  said  that  I  was  a  Fool, 
but  might  possibly  think  Better  of  it,  in  Time. 

After  three  weeks’  coasting  among  the  Isles  of  the  Grecian  Archi¬ 
pelago,  and  so  into  the  Sea  of  Marmora,  we  steered  into  the  Bosphorus 
’twixt  the  Castles  of  Europe  and  Asia;  and  the  same  night  the 
Slave-Dealer  comes  off  in  a  private  Caique — as  the  Turks  call  their 
Canoes — and  the  Renegado  delivered  me  up  to  him.  I  was  taken 


332 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


to  his  House  at  Galata,  where  I  was  kept  very  close  for  two  or  three 
weeks,  and  was  then  sold  to  a  Merchant  of  Damascus  in  Asia,  that 
had  come  to  Constantinople  with  the  Autumn  Caravans,  to  dispose 
of  his  cargo  of  Silk  and  Attar  of  Roses — very  fine  and  subtle  Per¬ 
fume,  one  drop  of  which  is  sufficient  to  scent  an  entire  House. 

’Ttvas  in  the  autumn  of  the  year  1759  that  I  so  came  to  Damas¬ 
cus,  and  for  ten  years  did  I  remain  in  that  city — all  the  time  with¬ 
out  hearing  one  word  from  my  dear  Wife.  Had  I  been  in  the 
Capital,  where  Foreign  Ambassadors  reside,  I  could  not,  as  a 
Christian,  be  detained  in  Slavery;  that  being  guarded  against  by 
Treaties  between  the  Crown  of  Great  Britain  and  the  Sublime  Porte. 
But  in  this  remote  part  of  the  Empire,  these  and  many  other  worse 
enormities  were  possible;  and  I  remained  as  one  Dead  and  Buried. 
To  a  few  English  and  French  Travelers  passing  through  Damascus 
did  I  tell  my  piteous  Tale,  and  entreat  their  help;  but  the  account 
that  I  gave  of  myself  was  so  rambling  and  confused,  and  contained, 
I  could  but  confess  it,  so  many  Incredible  Particulars,  that  I  could 
plainly  see  no  one  believed  my  Tale,  or  accounted  me  as  aught  but 
a  half-mad  Fellow  that  had  run  away  for  some  misdeed  from  a  Ship 
in  port  on  the  Coast  of  Syria,  and  was  now  trying  to  cadge  Sym¬ 
pathy  for  a  Pretended  Grievance.  At  last  I  gave  up  complaining. 
Slowly,  but  surely,  my  memory  of  my  former  life  began  to  Decay, 
and  even  the  knowledge  of  mine  own  Language  faded  away,  and 
became  weaker  and  weaker  every  day.  I  dressed,  I  eat,  I  drunk, 
I  slept  in  the  Eastern  Fashion,  and  in  all  but  religion  I  was  a  Turk. 

Meanwhile  I  had  gained  in  the  favor  of  my  Master.  He  was 
about  mine  own  age  when  he  purchased  me,  and  we  grew  old  To¬ 
gether.  At  first  I  was  employed  as  a  mere  Menial,  in  carrying  of 
Bales  and  Packages,  and  tending  of  Camels;  but  by  degrees  I  was 
promoted  to  be  his  Warehouseman,  Clerk,  Cashkeeper,  and  at  last 
his  Partner.  In  that  capacity  he  sent  me  to  manage  a  large  silk- 
plantation  of  his  in  the  Lebanon;  and  after  two  years  of  that  work 
I  left  him  with  a  fortune  of  no  less  than  five  hundred  Purses  of 
Gold  (about  £20,000  of  our  Money),  to  set  up  on  my  own  account 
in  the  City  of  Broussa.  He  made  no  attempt  (nor  had  he  at  any 
time  done  so)  to  combat  my  Religious  Scruples,  but  counseled  me 
to  behave  in  all  things  outwardly  as  a  Turk;  and  if  anything  was 
said  of  my  being  in  countenance  a  Frank  (though  I  was  swarthy 
enough  from  my  Long  Journeyings),  to  account  for  it  by  saying 
that  I  was  an  Affghan,  born  out  of  India.  He  died  very  soon  after 
I  settled  at  Broussa,  and  the  secret  of  my  being  a  Christian  died 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


333 


with  him.  It  is  true  that,  for  mere  Policy’s  sake,  I  did  go  through 
the  Mummeries  of  outward  Mohammedans,  and  had  my  Rosary  and 
my  Prayer-carpet  like  other  Merchants  of  Broussa;  but  I  scornfully 
deny  that  I  was  initiated,  or  submitted  to,  any  Heathenish  Rites; 
and  I  am  ready  to  maintain  now,  Cut,  Thrust,  or  Backsword,  that 
I  was  then  as  stanch  and  leal  a  Protestant  as  I  am  now. 

Under  the  name  of  Gholab  Hassan,  of  Affghanistan,  and  a  True 
Believer,  I  prospered  exceedingly,  almost  entirely  forgetting  my 
own  country.  ’Tis  true  I  always  preserved  an  affectionate  remem¬ 
brance  of  my  dear  Wife  Lilias;  but  she  seemed  to  me  in  the  guise 
of  some  Departed  Angel,  whom  I  had  been  privileged  to  behold  but 
for  a  Short  and  Transient  Period.  Among  these  Pagans,  as  is  well 
known,  Polygamy  is  permitted;  but  that  is  neither  here  nor  there; 
and  I  was  now  an  Old,  Old  Man. 

’Tis  ten  years  since,  namely  a.d.  1770,  that  a  great  Insurrection 
against  the  Authority  of  the  Porte,  or  rather  of  the  Bashaw  of  the 
Province,  who  had  been  laying  on  the  Taxes  with  somewhat  too 
heavy  a  hand,  broke  out  in  Broussa.  The  infuriate  Populace 
burned  the  House  of  the  Bashaw  about  his  ears,  plundered  the 
Bazaar,  and  were  proceeding  to  further  extremities,  when,  a  puff  of 
my  old  Martial  Spirit  reviving  within  me,  I  collected  a  trusty  band 
of  Porters  and  Camel-drivers,  rallied  the  Turkish  Troops,  who  were 
flying  in  all  directions,  reformed  them,  scattered  the  Insurgent 
Mobile,  and  did  (I  promise  you)  speedy  execution  on  some  Scores 
of  them.  The  Insurrection  was  very  speedily  subdued,  and  all 
Broussa  was  filled  with  the  praises  of  my  Valor  and  Discretion.  The 
Bashaw  was  a  poor  Good-natured  kind  of  Creature,  Brave  enough, 
but  so  Fat  that  when  he  mounted  on  Horseback  they  were  obliged 
to  put  one  of  the  Pillows  of  his  Divan  on  the  pummel  of  his  saddle 
to  keep  his  Stomach  steady.  An'  end,  however,  was  put  to  the 
discomfort  he  suffered  through  Corpulence,  by  the  arrival,  three 
weeks  after  the  suppression  of  the  Insurrection,  of  a  Tartar  Courier, 
who  brought  with  him  a  Bowstring  and  a  Firman  from  the  Grand 
Seignor.  By  means  of  the  Bowstring,  the  Fat  Bashaw  was  then 
and  there  strangled — for  they  do  things  in  a  very  off-hand  manner 
in  Turkey — and  when  the  Firman  was  opened  by  his  Vizier  it  was 
found  to  contain,  not  his  own  nomination  to  the  Bashawlik,  which 
he  fondly  expected,  but  the  appointment  of  the  Merchant  Gholab 
Hassan,  that  is  to  say,  John  Dangerous,  that  is  to  say,  your  Hum¬ 
ble  Servant,  to  the  vacant  Post,  and  commanding  my  immediate 
attendance  at  the  Porte  to  receive  investiture  with  the  Three  Horse¬ 
tails  of  Office. 


334 


CAPTAIN-  DANGEROUS. 


I  was  at  once  saluted  as  Gholab  Bashaw,  and  the  next  day  set 
forth  amidst  great  Acclamations,  and  in  sumptuous  state,  for  Con¬ 
stantinople.  Arrived  there,  I  was  handsomely  lodged  in  a  Palace 
close  to  the  Old  Seraglio,  and  admitted  to  no  less  than  three  solemn 
Audiences  with  the  Commander  of  the  Faithful,  the  Caliph  A1 
Islam,  the  Padishaw  of  Roum,  the  Great  Turk  himself. 

1  could  not  help  smiling  at  myself,  now  arrayed  in  all  the  pomp 
and  glory  of  an  Exalted  Functionary,  and  in  the  true  Turkish 
fashion.  ’Tis  a  custom  (through  Ignorance  of  those  parts)  with  the 
Limners  of  Europe  to  portray  all  Osmanlis  with  long  Beards;  and. 
for  truth,  as  a  Merchant  at  Broussa,  I  have  a  great  grizzled  one  of 
most  Goatish  appearance;  but  among  the  Bashaws  and  all  those  en 
gaged  in  the  Military  Service  of  the  Grand  Seignor,  or  holding  high 
Employments  in  the  Seraglio,  they  wear  only  a  fierce  and  martial 
pair  of  Whiskers.  The  most  distinguishing  sign  of  a  true  Mussul¬ 
man  is,  after  all,  his  Sarik  or  Turban,  made  in  two  parts,  namely 
a  Bonnet,  and  the  Linen  that  is  wrapped  round  it.  The  former,  a 
kind  of  Cap,  red  or  green,  without  Brims,  and  quilted  with  Cotton. 
About  this  they  roll  several  folds  of  Linen  Cloth;  and  it  is  a  partic¬ 
ular  art  to  know  how  to  give  a  Turban  a  good  air;  it  being  a  trade 
with  ’em  as  the  Selling  of  Hats  is  with  us.  The  Emirs,  who  boast 
of  being  descended  from  the  race  of  Mohammed,  wear  a  turban  all 
green;  but  that  of  the  common  Turks  is  red,  with  a  white  border, 
so  distinguishing  them  from  the  Christians.  Next  I  wore  great 
long  Breeches  of  a  ’broidered  stuff,  and  a  Shirt  of  fine  soft  calico, 
with  wide  Sleeves,  but  no  Wristbands  or  Collar;  and  over  this  a 
Cassock  or  Vest  of  fine  English  Cloth,  reaching  to  the  ankles,  and 
buttoned  with  buttons  of  gold,  about  the  bigness  of  a  peppercorn. 
This  was  tied  with  a  broad  Sash  or  Girdle,  which  went  thrice  round 
the  waist,  with  the  ends  hanging  down  before,  and  two  handsome 
Tassels.  Over  all  this  another  Garment,  richly  laced,  and  lined 
with  Furs  of  the  Martin  or  the  Badger.  In  my  Girdle  a  Dagger, 
about  the  size  of  a  case-knife,  the  handle  curiously  wrought,  and 
adorned  with  Precious  Stones.  And  as  the  Turkish  tailors  make  no 
pockets  to  their  vestments,  Purse,  Handkerchief,  Tobacco-box,  and 
things  of  that  nature  must  needs  be  put  into  the  Bosom,  or  thrust 
under  the  Girdle.  Instead  of  Shoes,  a  pair  of  Slippers  of  yellow 
leather;  which,  whenever  you  enter  a  Mosque  or  the  presence  of  a 
Superior,  you  must  put  off  on  the  threshold.  This  custom  makes 
the  soles  of  a  Turk’s  feet  always  ready  for  the  application  of  the 
Talack,  or  Bastinado,  from  which  argument  neither  high  nor  low 
are  exempt. 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


335 


Item. — The  Women  here  very  richly  dressed,  but  sad  Gossips, 
and  a  Lazy,  Lolloping  kind  of  creatures;  which  they  must  needs 
be,  poor  souls,  seeing  that  they  have  no  sort  of  Education,  and  are 
kept  mostly  in  seclusion,  talking  of  scandal,  sucking  of  sugar-plums, 
showing  their  brave  apparel  to  each  other,  and  thrumming  upon 
the  Mandolin.  A  galloping,  dreary,  dull  place  indeed  is  a  Turkish 
Harem.  As  to  the  qualities  of  the  mind,  the  Turkish  women  want 
neither  Wit,  Good  Sense,  nor  Tenderness;  but  the  constraint  that  is 
put  upon  ’em,  and  the  jealous  eye  with  which  they  are  guarded, 
makes  ’em  go  a  great  way  in  a  little  time,  and  make  an  ill  use  of 
the  Liberty  which  is  sometimes  granted  them.  The  old  womeii- 
slaves  of  the  Armenian  and  Jew  Merchants,  who  are  the  contidantes 
of  the  Turkish  women,  enter  their  apartments  at  all  hours,  under 
the  pretense  of  bringing  them  Jewels,  and  often  favor  their  Amours 
with  brisk  young  fellows.  The  usual  hour  for  intrigue  is  the  hour 
of  morning  and  evening  Prayers,  when  the  Husbands  are  away  at 
the  Mosques.  In  case  of  Discovery  the  Turks  are  masters  of  the 
Lives  of  their  Wives;  and  if  they  have  been  convicted  in  form,  they 
are  sewn  up  in  Sacks,  and  thrown  into  the  Sea.  And  even  if  a 
Guilty  Woman’s  life  is  spared,  she  is  condemned  to  marry  her  Gal¬ 
lant,  who  is  sentenced  to  die,  or  must  turn  Mohammedan,  supposing 
him  to  be  a  Christian.  The  least  punishment  for  a  man  who  has 
broken  the  Seventh  Commandment  is  to  ride  through  the  streets  upon 
an  Ass,  with  his  face  toward  the  Tail,  to  receive  a  certain  number 
of  Bit  ws  upon  the  Soles  of  his  Feet,  and  to  pay  a  Fine  in  propor¬ 
tion  to  his  Estate. 

But  though  a  duly  invested  Bashaw  of  Three  Tails,  I  was  not 
fated  to  remain  long  in  that  Capacity.  For  once,  however,  my 
Destiny,  in  subjecting  me  to  Change,  played  me  a  kind  instead  of  a 
spiteful  Turn.  Going  to  visit  the  French  Embassador,  who  was 
then  in  high  favor  at  the  Porte,  I  found  there,  living  under  the 
protection  ©f  his  Family,  a  Lady,  who  was  no  other  than  my  dear 
Wife  Lilias,  and  with  her  a  Daughter,  called  after  her  own  name, 
who  was  now  twelve  years  of  age.  Her  History,  as  she  related  it 
to  me,  was  brief,  but  amazing.  Both  her  Father  and  the  Cardinal 
died  about  two  years  after  her  return  from  Captivity;  but  she  found 
a  new  guardian  in  my  old  friend  Captain  Night,  or  Don  Ercolo 
Sparafucile  di  San  Lorenzo,  the  Knight  of  Malta,  who  had  retired 
from  that  Island  to  end  his  days  in  France.  She  was  enabled  to 
cheer  the  declining  years  of  that  Gallant  Gentleman,  who  had  pre¬ 
served  a  lively  remembrance  of  his  old  Protege,  Jack  Dangerous; 
and  when  he  died,  left  her  the  whole  of  his  large  fortune.  All 


CAPTAIN  DANGEROUS. 


these  years  she  had  remained  in  a  dreadful  state  of  uncertainty,  till 
through  the  kind  offices  of  the  French  Minister  of  Police,  she  was 
made  acquainted  with  the  last  Dying  avowal  of  a  Pirate  Renegado, 
named  Sparkenhoe,  who  had  expired  at  the  Galleys  of  Marseilles, 
and  stated  that,  in  the  year  1759,  he  had  conveyed  a  refugee  Chris¬ 
tian  Slave  from  Algiers  to  Constantinople,  where  he  had  been  sold 
to  a  Merchant  of  Damascus.  In  the  almost  desperate  hope  of  dis¬ 
covering  some  Tidings  of  me,  my  Wife  and  Child  had  journeyed  to 
the  Porte,  where  they  were  most  kindly  received  at  the  French 
Embassy.  They  had  given  up  almost  every  prospect  of  meeting  me 
again,  when  I  made  my  sudden  appearance  in  the  strange  Guise  of 
a  Turkish  Bashaw. 

Under  ordinary  Circumstances,  it  might  have  gone  hard  with  me; 
for  the  Turks  reckon  it  as  an  unpardonable  crime  for  a  Christian  to 
assume  the  Mussulman  Garb,  and  conform  outwardly  to  that  re¬ 
ligion,  without  having  gone  through  the  Proper  Rites.  However, 
as  I  have  said,  the  French  Embassador  was  just  then  in  high  favor 
with  the  Porte.  He  made  interest  with  the  Captain  Bashaw,  the 
Kislar  Aga,  and  the  Grand  Vizier  himself.  The  Services  I  had 
rendered  to  the  Great  Turk  by  suppressing  the  Insurrection  at 
Broussa  were  taken  into  consideration  ;  and  it  was  at  length  agreed, 
that;  if  I  would  convey  myself  away  privately,  and  take  my  Wife 
with  me,  no  more  should  be  said  about  the  matter.  It  was  given 
out  at  Broussa  that  I  had  been  appointed  to  another  and  more  dis¬ 
tant  Government ;  and  he  who  had  been  Vizier  to  the  unlucky  Fat 
Man  got  his  much-coveted  Preferment,  and  I  have  no  doubt,  was 
very  happy  in  it,  till  the  inevil  able  Tartar  came,  and  he  was  Bow- 
strung,  like  his  predecessor.  So  Gholab  Bashaw  resigned  the 
Three  Horse-tails  that  during  so  brief  a  period  had  waved  at  his 
Flagstaff,  and  became  once  more  plain  John  Dangerous.  The 
Sublime  Porte,  however,  confiscated  all  my  Property  at  Broussa, 
including  my  Wives — I  mean,  my  Women  Servants. 

With  my  Wife  and  Child  I  now  returned  to  Europe,  full  of  Years, 
and,  I  hope,  notwithstanding  some  Ups  and  Downs,  full  of  Honors 
too.  We  were  in  no  hurry,  however,  to  return  to  England;  for  I 
had  wandered  about  Foreign  Parts  so  long  in  Discredit,  and  Dan¬ 
ger,  and  Distress,  that  I  thought  myself  well  entitled  to  see  the 
world  a  little  in  Freedom  and  Independence,  and  with  a  Handsome 
competence  at  my  Back.  Therefore,  as  the  Chevalier  Captain  John 
Dangerous — I  have  dropped  my  Knightly  rank  of  late  years — and 
furnished  with  all  necessary  passports  and  safe- conducts,  we  made 
our  way  across  the  Black  Sea  to  Odessa,  a  mean  kind  of  place,  but 


CAPTAIN-  DANGEROUS. 


337 


rising  in  the  way  of  trade;  and  after  a  most  affable  reception  by  the 
Russian  Governor  of  that  place,  journey  at  our  ease  through  the 
Tauric  Chersonese,  now  wrested  from  the  Tartar  Khans  of  Sim- 
pheropol,  and  belonging  to  the  Muscovites.  Next,  in  a  handsome 
wheeled  carriage-and-four,  we  made  for  the  great  City  of  Moscow — 
the  old  Capital  of  the  Great  Dukes  of  Russia — where  we  abode  two 
whole  years,  and  went  among  the  very  best  people  in  the  place;  al¬ 
though  I  had  an  ugly  Equivoque  with  a  young  Gentleman  of  Qual¬ 
ity  that  was  an  officer  of  Dragoons,  and  who,  I  declare,  stole  a 
diamond-mounted  Snuff-box  of  mine  off  my  wife’s  Harpsichord, 
putting  the  same  (the  Snuff-box,  I  mean)  into  the  pocket  of  his 
pantaloons.  Him  I  was  compelled  to  expel  from  my  house,  the 
Toe  of  my  Boot  aiding;  and  meeting  him  subsequently  at  a  Coffee- 
House,  and  he  no.t  seeming  sufficiently  impressed  with  the  turpitude 
of  his  Offense,  but  the  rather  inclined  to  regard  it  as  a  venial  Prank 
or  Whimsey,  I  did  Batoon  him  within  an  inch  of  his  life,  and  until 
there  were  more  wheals  on  his  Body  than  bars  of  silver-braid  on 
his  Jacket.  This  led  to  a  serious  misunderstanding  between  Justice 
and  myself.  I  was  not  Imprisoned,  but  was  summoned  no  less  than 
fifty- seven  times  before  a  kind  of  Judge  they  call  an  Assessor,  who 
addressed  a  number  of  interrogatories  to  me,  which,  at  a  moderate 
computation,  reached,  in  the  course  of  five  weeks,  three  thousand 
seven  hundred  and  nine  questions.  This  might  have  gone  on  till 
Doomsday,  but  for  the  kind  offices  of  a  Muscovite  friend,  who 
hinted  to  me  that  if  I  discreetly  slipped  a  Bank-bill  for  five  hundred 
roubles  into  the  hand  of  the  Examining  Judge,  I  should  hear  no 
more  of  the  affair.  This  I  did,  and  was  soon  after  honorably  ac¬ 
quitted;  after  which  I  gave  the  young  Spark  whom  I  had  batooned 
his  revenge,  by  allowing  him  to  doff  me  out  of  a  few  score 
pieces  at  the  game  of  Lansquenet.  By  and  by,  being  tired  of  Mos¬ 
cow,  we  removed  to  the  stately  northern  Capital,  Petersburg,  where 
I  had  a  handsome  mansion  on  the  Fintanka  Canal,  and  was  on  more 
than  one  occasion  admitted  to  an  audience  wilh  the  Empress  of 
Russia,  the  mighty  Czarina  Catherine;  a  fine,  bold,  strapping  woman, 
with  a  great  taste  for  Politics,  Diamonds,  the  Fine  Arts,  and  affairs 
of  Gallantry.  The  first  time  I  made  my  obeisance  to  her  Majesty 
(which  was  at  her  summer  residence  of  Peterhoff,  on  the  River 
Neva),  she  deigned,  smiling  affably,  to  say  to  me: 

“  Ah,  ah!  vous  etes  le  Sabreur  anglais  qui  avez  rosse  mes  gens  la- 
bas,  &  Moscou.  Je  voudrais  que  vous  en  fissiez  autant  pour  mes 
faquins  de  Chevalier- Gardes  a  Petersbourg.  ” 

I  was  given  to  understand  in  very  high  quarters  that  I  had  only 


338 


CAPTAUST  DANGEilOUS. 


to  ask,  to  receive  a  lucrative  and  honorable  Appointment  in  the 
service  of  the  Czarina — either  as  a  General  by  Land,  or  as  an  Ad¬ 
miral  at  Sea;  but  I  was  sick  of  fighting,  and  of  working  too;  so  at 
last,  in  disgust,  I  gave  up  my  House,  and  taking  shipping  with  my 
family  at  Cronstadt,  retired  to  Hamburg,  whence,  after  a  brief  so¬ 
journ,  I  traveled  to  France. 

My  sainted  Wife,  with  whom,  after  our  reunion,  I  lived  most 
happily,  died  in  Paris,  in  the  year  1773;  and  then,  feeling  my  Days 
drawing  to  a  close,  and  desiring  to  lay  my  Bones  in  my  own  Coun¬ 
try,  I  returned  to  England,  after  an  absence  of  more  than  Thirty 
Years.  Finding  that  the  old  Mansion  that  had  belonged  to  my 
Grandmother  was  for  sale  by  Public  Auction,  I  purchased  the  Free¬ 
hold,  repaired  and  beautified  it,  and  came  to  reside  in  it,  occupying 
my  long  and  happy  leisure  by  the  composition  of  these  Memoirs. 
And  if  any  one  of  my  Readers  experiences  one  hundredth  part  of 
the  pleasure  in  Reading  these  Pages  (and  that  I  dare  scarcely  hope) 
that  I  have  experienced  in  Writing  them,  John  Dangerous  will,  in¬ 
deed,  be  amply  repaid. 


THE  END. 


f*  ^  V  l 


f  t ' 


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d@rs  20 

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sell .  20 

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By  William  Black .  20 

126  Kilmeny.  By  William  Black. . .  20 

127  Adrian  Bright.  By  Mrs.  Caddy  20 

128  Afternoon,  and  Other  Sketches. 

By  “  Ouida  ”... .  10 

129  Rossmoyne.  By  “  The  Duch¬ 

ess  ” .  10 

13d  The  Last  of  the  Barons.  Buiwer 

Lytton.  1st  and  2d  half,  each  20 

131  Our  Mutual  Friend.  By  Charles 

Dickens . 40 

132  Master  Humphrey’s  Clock.  By 

Charles  Dickens .  10 

133  Peter  the  Whaler.  By  W.  H.  G. 

Kingston .  10 

134  The  Witching  Hour.  By  “  The 

Duchess” .  10 

135  A  Great  Heiress.  By  R.  E.  Fran- 

cillon... .  10 

136  “That  Last  Rehearsal.”  By 

“  The  Duchess  ” .  10 

137  Uncle  Jack.  By  Walter  Besant  10 

138  Green  Pastures  and  Piccadillj7. 

By  William  Black .  20 

139  The  Romantic  Adventures  of  a 

Milkmaid.  By  Thomas  Hardy  10 

140  A  Glorious  Fortune.  By  Walter 

Besant .  10 

141  She  Loved  Him!  By  Annie 

Thomas .  10 

142  Jenifer.  By  Annie  Thomas _  20 

143  One  False,  Both  Fair.  J.  B. 

Harwood .  20 

141  Promises  of  Marriage.  By 
Emile  Gaboriau . 10 

145  “Storm-Beaten:”  God  and  The 

Man.  By  Robert  Buchanan . .  20 

146  Love  Finds  the  Way.  By  Walter 

Besant  and  James  Rice .  10 

147  Rachel  Ray.  By  Anthony  Trol¬ 

lope... .  20 

148  Thorns  and  Orange-Blossoms. 

By  the  author  of  “  Dora 
Thorne” .  10 

tt) 


NO.  PRICE. 

149  The  Captain’s  Daughter.  From 

the  Russian  of  Pdshkin .  10 

150  For  Himself  Alone.  By  T.  W. 

Speight . 10 

151  The  Ducie  Diamonds.  By  C. 

Blatherwick . 16 

152  The  Uncommercial  Traveler. 

By  Charles  Dickens .  20 

153  The  Golden  Calf.  By  MissM.  E. 

Braddon . . .  20 

154  Annan  Water.  By  Robert  Bu¬ 

chanan .  20 

155  Lady  Muriel’s  Secret.  By  Jean 

Middleman. . . . .  20 

156  “  For  a  Dream’s  Sake.”  By  Mrs. 

Herbert  Martin  .  20 

157  Milly’s  Hero.  By  F.  W.  Robin¬ 

son .  20 

158  The  Starling.  By  Norman  Mac- 

leod,  D.D . 10 

159  A  Moment  of  Madness,  and 

Other  Stories.  By  Florence 
Marryat .  10 

160  Her  Gentle  Deeds.  By  Sarah 

Tytler . 10 

161  The  Lady  of  Lyons.  Founded 

on  the  Play  of  that  title  by 
Lord  Lytton . 10 

162  Eugene  Aram.  By  Sir  E.  Bui¬ 

wer  Lytton .  20 

163  Winifred  Power.  By  Joyce  Dar¬ 

rell .  20 

164  Leila ;  or,  The  Siege  of  Grenada. 

By  Sir  E.  Buiwer  Lytton .  10 

165  The  History  of  Henry  Esmond. 

By  William  Makepeace/Thack- 
eray .  20 

166  Moonshine  and  Marguerites.  By 

“The  Duchess” .  iO 

167  Heart  and  Science.  By  Wilkie 

Collins . 20 

168  No  Thoroughfare.  By  Charles 

Dickens  and  Wilkie  Collins. . .  10 


170  A  Great  Treason.  By  Mary 

Hoppus .  30 

171  Fortune’s  Wheel,  and  Other 

Stories.  By  “  The  Duchess”  10 

172  “  Golden  Girls.”  By  Alan  Muir  20 

173  The  Foreigners.  By  Eleanor  C. 

Price .  20 

174  Under  a  Ban.  By  Mrs.  Lodge. .  20 

175  Love’s  Random  Shot,  and  Other 

Stories.  By  Wilkie  Collins...  10 

176  An  April  Day.  By  Philippa  P. 

Jephson .  10 

177  Salem  Chapel.  By  Mrs.Oliphant  20 

178  More  Leaves  from  the  Journal 

of  a  Life  in  the  Highlands.  By 
Queen  Victoria . 10 

179  Little  Make-Believe.  By  B.  L. 

Farjeon .  10 

180  Round  the  Galley  Fire.  By  W. 

Clark  Russell .  10 

181  The  New  Abelard.  By  Robert 

Buchanan .  10 

182  The  Millionaire.  A  Novel . 20 


THE  SEASIDE  LIBRARY.— Pocket  Edition. 


NO.  PRICE. 

183  Old  Contrairy,  and  Other  Sto¬ 

ries.  By  Florence  Marryat. ...  10 

184  Thirlby  Hall.  By  W.  E.  Norris.  20 

185  Dita.  By  Lady  Margaret  Ma- 

jendie .  10 

186  The  Canon’s  Ward.  By  James 

Payn . 20 

187  The  Midnight  Sun.  ByFredrika 

Bremer .  10 

188  Idonea.  By  Anne  Beale . 20 

189  Valerie’s  Fate.  Mrs.  Alexander  10 

190  Romance  of  a  Black  Veil.  By 

the  author  of  “  Dora  Thorne  ”  10 

191  Harry  Lorrequer.  By  Charles 

Lever .  20 

192  At  the  World’s  Mercy.  By  F. 

Warden .  10 

193  The  Rosary  Folk.  By  G.  Man- 

ville  Fenn .  10 

194  “  So  Near,  and  Yet  So  Far !”  By 

Alison .  10 

195  “  The  Way  of  the  World.”  By 

David  Christie  Murray .  20 

196  Hidden  Perils.  By  Mary  Cecil 

Hay . . .  10 

197  For  Her  Dear  Sake.  By  Mary 

Cecil  Hay .  20 

198  A  Husband’s  Story .  10 

199  The  Fisher  Village.  By  Anne 

Beale .  10 

200  An  Old  Man's  Love.  By  An¬ 

thony  Trollope .  10 

201  The  Monastery.  By  Sir  Walter 

Scott .  20 

202  The  Abbot.  By  Sir  Walter  Scott  20 

203  John  Bull  and  His  Island.  By 

Max  O’Rell .  10 

204  Vixen.  By  Miss  M.  E.  Braddon  20 

205  The  Minister’s  Wife.  By  Mrs. 

Oliphant .  30 

206  The  Picture,  and  Jack  of  All 

Trades.  By  Charles  Reade . .  10 

207  Pretty  Miss  Neville.  By  B.  M. 

Croker .  20 

208  The  Ghost  of  Charlotte  Cray, 

and  Other  Stories.  By  Flor¬ 
ence  Marryat.  .  10 

209  John  Holdsworth,  Chief  Mate. 

By  W.  Clark  Russell .  10 

216  Readiana:  Comments  on  Cur¬ 
rent  Events.  By  Chas.  Reade  10 

211  The  Octoroon.  By  Miss  M.  E. 

Braddon . . .  10 

212  Charles  O’Malley,  the  Irish  Dra¬ 

goon,  By  Charles  Lever. 
First  and  Second  half,  each. .  20 
£13  A  Terrible  Temptation.  Chas. 

Reade .  20 

£14  Put  Yourself  in  His  Place.  By 
Charles  Reade .  20 

215  Not  Like  Other  Girls.  By  Rosa 

Nouchette  Carey . 20 

216  Foul  Play.  By  Charles  Reade.  20 

217  The  Man  She  Cared  For.  By 

F.  W.  Robinson . 20 

218  Agnes  Sorel.  By  G.  P.  R.  James  20 

219  Lady  Clare;  or,  The  Master  of 

the  Forges.  By  Georges  Ohnet  10 


NO. 

220 

221 

222 

223 

004 

225 

226 

227 

228 

229 

230 

231 

232 

233 

234 

235 

236 

237 

238 

239 

240 

241 

242 

243 

243 

244 

245 

246 

247 

248 

249 

250 


251 


252 

253 

254 


255 

256 


PRICE. 

Which  Loved  Him  Best?  By 
the  author  of  “  Dora  Thorne  ”  10 
Coinin’  Thro’  the  Rye.  By 

Helen  B.  Mathei*s .  20 

The  Sun-Maid.  By  Miss  Grant  20 
A  Sailor’s  Sweetheart.  By  W. 

Clark  Russell .  20 

The  Arundel  Motto.  Mary  Cecil 

Hay . 20 

The  Giant’s  Robe.  By  F.  Anstey  20 

Friendship.  By  “  Ouida  ” .  20 

Naucy.  By  Rhoda  Broughton.  20 
Princess  Napraxine.  By  “  Oui- 

u  yg 

Maid,  Wife,  or  Widow?  By 

Mrs.  Alexander .  10 

Dorothy  Forster.  By  Walter 

BGSftut  20 

Griffith  Gaunt.  Charles  Reade  20 
Love  and  Money ;  or,  A  Perilous 
Secret.  By  Charles  Reade. . .  10 
“  I  Say  No or,  the  Love-Letter 
Answered.  Wilkie  Collins. ...  20 
Barbara;  or,  Spleudid  Misery. 

Miss  M.  E.  Braddon . ’. .  20 

“It  is  Never  Too  Late  to 
Mend.”  By  Charles  Reade. . .  20 
Which  Shall  It  Be?-  Mrs.  Alex¬ 
ander .  20 

Repented  at  Leisure.  By  the 
author  of  “  Dora  Thorne  ”...  20 

Pascarel.  By  “  Ouida  ” _ 20 

Signa.  By  “Ouida” .  20 

Called  Back.  By  Hugh  Conway  10 
The  Baby’s  Grandmother.  By 

L.  B.  Walford .  10 

The  Two  Orphans.  ByD’Ennery  10 
Tom  Burke  of  “  Ours.”  First 
half.  By  Charles  Lever.  . . . ; .  20 
Tom  Burke  of  “  Ours.”  Second 

half.  By  Charles  Lever . 20 

A  Great  Mistake.  By  the  author 
of  “  His  Wedded  Wife  20 

Miss  Tommy,  and  In  a  House- 

Boat.  By  Miss  Mulock .  10 

A  Fatal  Dower.  By  the  author 

of  “  His  Wedded  Wife  ” .  10 

The  Armourer’s  Prentices.  By 

Charlotte  M.  Yonge .  10 

The  House  on  the  Marsh.  F. 

Warden .  10 

“  Prince  Charlie’s  Daughter.” 

By  author  of  “  Dora  Thorne  ”  10 
Sunshine  and  Roses;  or,  Di¬ 
ana’s  Discipline.  By  the  au¬ 
thor  of  “  Dora  Thorne  ” .  10 

The  Daughter  of  the  Stars,  and 
Other  Tales.  By  Hugh  Con¬ 
way,  author  of  “Called  Back”  10 
A  Sinless  Secret.  By  “Rita”..  10 
The  Amazon.  By  Carl  Vosmaer  10 
The  Wife’s  Secret,  and  Fair  but 
False.  By  the  author  of 

“Dora  Thorne” .  10 

The  Mystery.  By  Mrs.  Henry- 

Wood .  20 

Mr.  Smith :  A  Part  of  His  Life. 

By  L.  B.  Walford. , . 80 


THE  SEASIDE  LIBRARY- Pocket  Edition. 


NO.  PRICE. 

257  Beyond  Recall.  By  Adeline  Ser¬ 

geant .  10 

258  Cousins.  By  L.  B.  Walford _  20 

259  The  Bride  of  Monte-Oristo.  (A 

Sequel  to  “  The  Count  of 
Monte-Cristo.”  By  Alexander 
Dumas .  10 

260  Proper  Pride.  By  B.  M.  Croker  10 

261  A.  Fair  Maid.  By  F.  W.  Robinson  20 

262  The  Count  of  Monte-Cristo. 

Parti  By  Alexander  Dumas  20 

262  The  Count  of  Monte-Cristo. 

Part  II.  By  Alexander  Dumas  20 

263  An  Ishmaelite.  By  Miss  M.  E. 


Braddon  .  20 

264  Piddouche,  A  French  Detective. 

By  Fortune  Du  Boisgobey _  10 

265  Judith  Shakespeare :  Her  Love 

Affairs  and  Other  Adventures. 

By  William  Black .  20 

266  The  Water-Babies.  A  Fairy  Tale 

for  a  Laud-Baby.  By  the  Rev. 
Charles  Kingsley .  10 

267  Laurel  Vane;  or,  The  Girls’ 

Conspiracy.  By  Mrs.  Alex. 
McVeigh  Miller .  20 

268  Lady  Gay’s  Pride;  or,  The 

Miser's  Treasure.  By  Mrs. 
Alex.  McVeigh  Miller.’ .  20 

269  Lancaster’s  Choice.  By  Mrs. 

Alex.  McVeigh  Miller .  20 

270  The  Wandering  Jew.  Part  I. 

By  Eugene  Sue .  20 

270  The  Wandering  Jew.  Part  II. 

By  Eugene  Sue .  20 

271  The  Mysteries  of  Paris.  Part  I. 

By  Eugene  Sue .  20 

271  The  Mysteries  of  Paris.  Part  II. 

By  Eugene  Sue .  20 

272  The  Little  Savage.  By  Captain 

Marry  at...  . * .  10 

273  Love  and  Mirage ;  or,  The  Wait¬ 

ing  on  an  Island.  By  M. 
Betham  Edwards . .  .  10 

274  Alice,  Grand  Duchess  of  Hesse, 

Princess  of  Great  Britain  and 
Ireland.  Biographical  Sketch 
and  Letters .  10 

275  The  Three  Brides.  Charlotte  M. 

Yonge. .' .  10 

276  Under  the  Lilies  and  Roses.  By 

Florence  Marryat  (Mrs.  Fran¬ 
cis  Lean) .  10 


277  The  Surgeon’s  Daughters.  By 

Mrs.  Henry  Wood.  A  Man  of 
His  Word.  By  W.  E.  Norris.  10 

278  For  Life  and  Love.  Alison.  10 

279  Little  Goldie.  Mrs.  Sumner  Hay¬ 


den .  20 

280  Omnia  Vanitas.  A  Tale  of  So¬ 

ciety.  By  Mrs.  Forrester .  10 

281  The  Squire’s  Legacy.  By  Mary 

Cecil  Hay .  ....  .  20 

282  Donat  Grant.  By  George  Mac¬ 

Donald .  20 

283  The  Sin  of  a  Lifetime.  By  the 

author  of  “  Dora  Thorne  ”...  10 
*84  poris.  By  “ The  Duo^ess ”.  ..  10 


PRICE. 

The  Gambler’s  Wife .  30 

Deldee ;  or.  The  Iron  Hand.  By 

F.  Warden .  20 

At  War  With  Herself.  By  the 
author  of  “  Dora  Thorne  ”...  10 
From  Gloom  to  Sunlight.  By 
the  author  of  “  Dora  Thorne  ”  10 
John  Bull’s  Neighbor  in  Her 
True  Light.  By  a  “  Brutal 


Saxon  ” .  10 

Nora’s  Love  Test.  By  Mary  Cecil 

Hay .  20 

Love’s  Warfare.  By  the  author 

of  “  Dora  Thorne” .  10 

A  Golden  Heart.  By  the  author 

of  “Dora  Thorne” .  10 

The  Shadow  of  a  Sin.  By  the 
author  of  “  Dora  Thorne  ”...  10 
Hilda.  By  the  author  of  “  Dora 

Thorne” .  10 

A  Woman’s  War.  By  the  author 

of  “  Dora  Thorne  ” .  10 

A  Rose  in  Thorns.  By  the  au¬ 
thor  of  “Dora  Thorne” .  10 

Hilary’s  Folly.  By  the  author 

of  “  Dora  Thorne  ” .  10 

Mitclielhurst  Place.  By  Marga¬ 
ret  Veley .  10 

The  Fatal  Lilies,  and  A  Bride 
from  the  Sea.  By  the  author 

of  “  Dora  Thorne  ” .  10 

A  Gilded  Sin,  and  A  Bridge  of 
Love.  By  the  author  of  “  Dora 

Thorne” . : . 10 

Dark  Days.  By  Hugh  Conwajr.  10 
The  Blatcliford  Bequest.  By 

Hugh  Conway .  10 

Iugledew  House,  and  More  Bit¬ 
ter  than  Death.  By  the  author 

of  “Dora  Thorne” .  10 

In  Cupid’s  Net.  By  the  author 

of  “  Dora  Thorne  ” .  10 

A  Dead  Heart,  and  Lady  Gwen¬ 
doline’s  Dream.  By  the  au¬ 
thor  of  “  Dora  Thorne  ” .  10 

A  Golden  Dawn,  and  Love  for  a 
Day.  By  the  author  of  “  Dora 

Thorne  ” .  10 

Two  Kisses,  and  Like  No  Other 
Love.  By  the  author  of  “Dora 

Thorne” .  10 

Beyond  Pardon .  20 

The  Pathfinder.  By  J.  Feni- 

more  Cooper. . .  20 

The  Prairie.  By  J.  Fenimore 

Cooper . .’ . . . 20 

Two  Years  Before  the  Mast.  By 

R.  H.  Dana,  Jr .  20 

A  Week  in  Killarney.  By  “  The 

Duchess” .  10 

The  Lover’s  Creed.  By  Mrs. 

Cashel  Hoey .  20 

Peril.  By  Jessie  Fothergill —  20 
The  Mistletoe  Bough.  Edited 

by  Miss  M.  E.  Braddon .  20 

Sworn  to  Silence ;  or.  Aline  Rod¬ 
ney’s  Secret.  By  Mrs.  Alex. 
McVeigh  Miller .  20 


NO. 

285 

286 

287 

288 

289 

290 

291 

292 

293 

294 

295 

296 

297 

298 

299 

300 

301 

302 

303 

304 

305 

306 

307 

308 

309 

310 

311 

312 

313 

314 

315 

316 


THE  SEASIDE  LIBRARY.— Pocket  Edition. 


NO.  PRICE. 

817  By’Mead  and  Stream.  Charles 

Gibbon .  20 

818  The  Pioneers:  or,  The  Sources 

of  the  Susquehanna.  By  J. 
Fenimore  Cooper .  20 

819  Face  to  Face :  A  Fact  in  Seven 

Fables.  By  R.  E.  Franeillon .  10 

820  A  Bit  of  Human  Nature.  By 

David  Christie  Murray .  10 

321  The  Prodigals :  And  Their  In¬ 

heritance.  By  Mrs.  Olipliant  10 

322  A  Woman’s  Love-Story .  10 

323  A  Willful  Maid .  20 

324  In  Luck  at  Last.  By  Walter 

Besant .  10 

325  The  Portent.  By  George  Mac¬ 

donald . 10 

826  Phantastes.  A  Faerie  Romance 
for  Men  and  Women.  By 
George  Macdonald .  10 

327  Raymond’s  Atonement.  (From 

the  German  of  E.  Werner.) 

By  Christina  Tyrrell .  20 

328  Babiole,  the  Pretty  Milliner.  By 

F.  Du  Boisgobey.  First  half.  20 

328  Babiole,  the  Pretty  Milliner.  By 

F.  Du  Boisgobey.  Second  half  20 

329  The  Polish  Jew.  ByErckmann- 

Chatrian .  10 

330  May  Blossom  ;  or,  Between  Two 

Loves.  By  Margaret  Lee _  20 

331  Gerald.  By  Eleanor  C.  Price..  20 

332  Judith  Wynne.  A  Novel . 20 

833  Frank  Fairlegh  ;  or,  Scenes 

from  the  Life  of  a  Private 
Pupil.  By  Frank  E.  Smedley  20 
334  A  Marriage  of  Convenience.  By 


Harriett  Jay .  10 

335  The  White  Witch.  A  Novel _  20 

336  Philistia.  By  Cecil  Power .  20 

337  Memoirs  and  Resolutions  of 

Adam  Graeme  of  Mossgray, 
Including  Some  Chronicles  of 
the  Borough  of  Fendie.  By 
Mrs.  Oliphant .  20 

338  The  Family  Difficulty.  By  Sarah 

Doudney .  10 

339  Mrs.  Vereker’s  Courier  Maid. 

By  Mrs.  Alexander .  10 

340  Under  Which  King?  By  Comp¬ 

ton  Reade .  20 

841  Madolin  Rivers ;  or.  The  Little 

Beauty  of  Red  Oak  Seminary. 

By  Laura  Jean  Libbey .  20 

842  The  Baby,  and  One  New  Year’s 

Eve.  By  “  The  Duchess  ” -  10 

343  The  Talk  of  the  Town.  By 


o  aiuco  taju . 

344  “The  Wearing  of  the  Green.” 

By  Basil . 20 

345  Madam.  By  Mrs.  Oliphant _ 20 

346  Tumbledown  Farm.  By  Alan 

Muir .  10 

847  As  Avon  Flows.  By  Henry  Scott 

Vince .  20 

848  From  Post  to  Finish.  A  Racing 

Romance.  By  Hawley  Smart  20 


NO.  PRICE. 

349  The  Two  Admirals.  A  Tale  of 

the  Sea.  By  J.  Fenimore 
Cooper .  2® 

350  Diana  of  the  Crossways.  By 

George  Meredith . " .  10 

351  The  House  on  the  Moor.  By 

Mrs.  Oliphant . 20 

352  At  Any  Cost.  By  Edward  Gar¬ 

rett .  10 

353  The  Black  Dwarf,  and  A  Leg¬ 

end  of  Montrose.  By  Sir  Wal¬ 
ter  Scott .  20 

354  The  Lottery  of  Life.  A  Story 

of  New  York  Twenty  Years 
Ago.  By  John  Brougham ...  20 

355  That  Terrible  Man.  By  W.  E. 

Norris.  The  Princess  Dago- 
mar  of  Poland.  By  Heinrich 


Felbermann .  10 

356  A  Good  Hater.  By  Frederick 

Boyle .  20 

357  John.  A  Love  Story.  Bj’  Mrs. 

Oliphant .  20 

358  Within  the  Clasp.  By  J.  Ber¬ 

wick  Harwood .  20 

359  The  Water-Witch.  By  J.  Feni- 


360  Ropes  of  Sand.  By  R.  E.  Fran- 

cillon .  20 

361  The  Red  Rover.  A  Tale  of  the 

Sea.  By  J.  Fenimore  Cooper  20 

362  The  Bride  of  Lammermoor. 

By  Sir  Walter  Scott .  20 

363  The  Surgeon’s  Daughter.  By 

Sir  Walter  Scott .  10 

364  Castle  Dangerous.  By  Sir  Wal¬ 

ter  Scott .  10 

365  George  Christy;  or,  The  Fort¬ 

unes  of  a  Minstrel.  By  Tony 
Pastor .  20 

366  The  Mysterious  Hunter;  or, 

The  Man  of  Death.  By  Capt. 

L.  C.  Carleton .  20 

367  Tie  and  Trick.  By  Hawley  Smart  20 

368  The  Southern  Star ;  or,  The  Dia¬ 

mond  Land.  By  Jules  Verne  20 

369  Miss  Bretherton.  By  Mrs.  Hum¬ 

phry  Ward .  10 

370  LucyCrofton.  By  Mrs.  Oliphant  10 

371  Margaret  Maitland.  By  Mrs.  Oli¬ 

phant . 20 

372  Phyllis’  Probation.  By  the  au¬ 

thor  of  “  His  Wedded  Wife  ”.  10 

373  Wing-and-Wing.  J.  Fenimore 

Cooper .  20 


374  The  Dead  Man's  Secret ;  or,  The 

Adventures  of  a  Medical  Stu¬ 
dent.  By  Dr.  Jupiter  Paeon..  20 

375  A  Ride  to  Khiva.  By  Capt.  Fred 

Burnaby,  of  the  Royal  Horse 


Guards  20 

376  The  Crime  of  Christmas-Day. 

By  the  author  of  “  My  Duc¬ 
ats  and  My  Daughter .  10 

377  Magdalen  Hepburn :  A  Story 

of  the  Scottish  Reformation. 

By  Mrs.  Oliphant . 20 


-  «&) 


THE  SEASIDE  LIBRARY.— Pocket  Edition 


NO.  PRICE. 

378  Homeward  Bound;  or,  The 


Chase.  J.  Fenimore  Cooper. .  20 

379  Home  as  Found.  (Sequel  to 

“  Homeward  Bound.”)  By  J. 
Fenimore  Cooper .  20 

380  Wyandotte;  or,  The  Hutted 

Knoll.  J.  Fenimore  Cooper. .  20 

381  The  Red  Cardinal.  By  Frances 

Elliot . 10 

382  Three  Sisters;  or,  Sketches  of 

a  Highly  Original  Family. 

By  Elsa  D’Esterre-Keeling. ..  10 

383  Introduced  to  Society.  By  Ham¬ 

ilton  Ai'dd .  10 

384  On  Horseback  Through  Asia 

Minor.  Capt.  Fred  Burnaby.  20 

385  The  Headsman;  or,  Tiie  Abbaye 

des  Vignerons.  B37  J.  Feni¬ 
more  Cooper .  20 

386  Led  Astray ;  or,  “La  Petite  Comt- 

esse.”  By  Octave  Feuillet. . .  10 

387  The  Secret  of  the  Cliffs.  By 

Charlotte  French .  20 


388  Addie’s  Husband ;  or,  Through 

Clouds  to  Sunshine.  By  the 
author  of  “Love  or  Lands?”  10 

389  Ichabod.  By  Bertha  Thomas...  10 

390  Mildred  Trevauion.  By  “  The 


Duchess” .  10 

391  The  Heart  of  Mid-Lothian.  By 

Sir  Walter  Scott .  20 

392  Peveril  of  the  Peak.  By  Sir  Wal¬ 

ter  Scott .  20 

393  The  Pirate.  By  Sir  Walter  Scott  20 

394  The  Bravo.  By  J.  Fenimore 

Cooper .  20 

395  The  Archipelago  on  Fire.  By  * 

Jules  Verne . 10 

396  Robert  Ord’s  Atonement.  By 

Rosa  Nouchette  Carey . '.  20 

397  Lionel  Lincoln ;  or,  The  Leaguer 

of  Boston.  By  J.  Fenimore 
Cooper .  20 

398  Matt:  A  Tale  of  a  Caravan. 

By  Robert  Buchanan  .  10 

399  Miss  Brown.  By  Vernon  Lee. .  20 

400  The  Wept  of  Wish-Ton-Wish. 

By  J.  Fenimore  Cooper .  20 

401  Waverley.  B}7  Sir  Walter  Scott  20 

402  Lilliesleaf;  or,  Passages  in  the 

Life  of  Mrs.  Margaret  Mait¬ 
land  of  Sunnyside.  By  Mrs. 
Oliphant .  20 

403  An  English  Squire.  C.  R.  Cole¬ 

ridge .  20 

404  In  Durance  Vile,  and  Other 

Stories.  By  “  The  Duchess  ”.  10 

405  My  Friends  and  I.  Edited  by 

Julian  Sturgis .  10 

406  The  Merchant’s  Clerk.  By  Sam¬ 

uel  Warren .  10 

407  Tylney  Hall.  By  Thomas  Hood  20 

408  Lester’s  Secret.  B37  Mary  Cecil 

Hay . ' . 20 

409  Roy’s  Wife  By  G.  J.  Wliyte- 

Melville . . .  20 

410  Old  Lady  Mary.  By  Mrs.  Oli¬ 

phant . 10 


NO.  PRICE. 


411  A  Bitter  Atonement.  By  Char¬ 

lotte  M.  Braeme,  author  of 
“Dora  Thorne” .  20 

412  Some  One  Else.  By  B.  M.  Croker  20 

413  Afloat  and  Ashore.  By  J.  Feni¬ 

more  Cooper .  20 

414  Miles  Wallingford.  (Sequel  to 

“  Afloat  and  Ashore.”)  By  J. 
Fenimore  Cooper .  20 

415  The  Ways  of  the  Hour.  By  J. 

Fenimore  Cooper .  20 

416  Jack  Tier ;  or.  The  Florida  Reef. 

By  J.  Fenimore  Cooper .  20 

417  The  Fair  Maid  of  Perth ;  or,  St. 

Valentine’s  Day.  BySirWal- 

Gpr\f(-  Of) 

418  St.  Ronan’s  Well.  By  sir  Wal- 

ter  Scott .  20 

419  TheChainbearer;  or,  The  Little- 

page  Manuscripts.  By  J. 
Fenimore  Cooper .  20 

420  Satanstoe;  or,  The  Littlepage 

Manuscripts.  By  J.  Fenimore 
Cooper . .  20 

421  The  Redskins;  or,  Indian  and 

Injin.  Being  the  conclusion 


of  The  Littlepage  Manu¬ 
scripts.  J.  Fenimore  Cooper  20 

422  Precaution.  J.Feuimore  Cooper  20 

423  The  Sea-Lions;  or,  The  Lost 

Sealers.  J.  Fenimore  Cooper  2t 

424  Mercedes  of  Castile;  or.  The 

Voyage  to  Cathay.  By  J. 
Fenimore  Cooper .  2 

425  The  Oak  Openings ;  or,  The  Bee- 

Hunter.  J.  Fenimore  Cooper.  2 

426  Venus’s  Doves.  By  Ida  Ash¬ 

worth  Taylor . . 2 

427  The  Remarkable  History  of  Sir 

Thomas  Upmore,  Bai  t.,  M.P., 
formerly  known  as  “  Tommy 
Upmore.”  R.  D.  Blackmore.  3 

428  Z6ro :  A  Story  of  Monte-Carlo. 


By  Mrs.  Campbell  Praed .  1( 

429  Boulderstone;  or,  New  Men  and 

Old  Populations.  By  Wiliam 
Sime .  V 

430  A  Bitter  Reckoning.  By  the 

author  of  “By  Crooked  Paths”  l( 

431  The  Monikins.  By  J.  Fenimore 

Cooper  .  2( 

432  The  Witch’s  Head.  By  H.  Rider 

Haggard . 2f 

433  My  Sister  Kate.  By  Charlotte 

M.  Braeme,  author  of  “  Dora 
Thorne,”  and  A  Rainy  June. 

By  “  Ouida  ” .  14? 

434  Wyllard’s  Weird.  By  Miss  M. 

E.  Braddon . 2(1 

435  Klytia:  A  Story  of  Heidelberg 

Castle.  By  George  Taylor....  2<) 

436  Stella.  Bj7  Fanny  Lewald . 20 

437  Life  and  Adventures  of  Martin 

Chuzzlewit.  By  Charles  Dick¬ 
ens.  First  half . 2€ 

437  Life  and  Adventures  of  Martin 
Chuzzlewit.  By  Charles  Dick¬ 
ens.  Second  half .  20 


THE  SEASIDE  LIBRARY.— Pocket  Edition. 


NO. 

468 


20 

10 


NO  PRTCE 

438  Found  Out.  Helen  B.  Blathers.  10 

439  Great  Expectations.  By  Chas. 

Dickens . 20 

Mrs.  Lirriper’s  Lodgings.  By 

Charles  Dickens .  . .  10 

A  Sea  Change.  Flora  L.  Shaw.  20 
Ranthorpe.  By  George  Henry 

Lewes . 

The  Bachelor  of  The  Albany.  . . 

The  Heart  of  Jane  Warner.  By 

Florence  Marryat .  20 

The  Shadow  of  a  Crime.  By 

Hall  Caine . 20 

Dame  Durden.  By  “  Rita  ” _ 20 

American  Notes.  By  Charles 

Dickens .  20 

Pictures  From  Italy,  and  The 
Mudfog  Papers,  &c.  By  Chas. 

Dickens . 20 

Peeress  and  Player.  By  Flor¬ 
ence  Marryat .  20 

450  Godfrey  Helstone.  ByGeorgiana 

M.  Craik . 20 

Market  Harborough,  and  Inside 
the  Bar.  By  G.  J.  Whyte- 

Melville  . 20 

In  the  West  Countrie.  By  May 

Crommelin .  20 

The  Lottery  Ticket.  By  F.  Du 

Boisgobey .  20 

The  Mystery  of  Edwin  Drood. 

By  Charles  Dickens .  20 

Lazarus  in  London.  By  F.  W. 

Robinson .  20 

Sketches  by  Boz.  Illustrative  of 
Every-day  Life  and  Everj^-day 
People.  By  Charles  Dickens  . 

The  Russians  at  the  Gates  of 
Herat.  By  Charles  Marvin. .. 

A  Week  of  Passion ;  or,  The  Di¬ 
lemma  of  Mr.  George  Barton 
the  Younger.  By  Edward  Jen¬ 
kins . 

A  Woman’s  Temptation.  By 
Charlotte  M.  Braeme,  author 

of  “  Dora  Thorne  ” . 

Under  a  Shadow.  By  Charlotte 
M.  Braeme,  author  of  “  Dora 

Thorne  ” . 

His  Wedded  Wife.  By  author 
of  “  Ladybird’s  Penitence  ”. . 
Alice’s  Adventures  in  Wonder¬ 
land.  By  Lewis  Carroll.  With 
forty-two  illustrations  by 

John  Tenniel . 

Redgauntlet.  Sir  Walter  Scott. 

The  Newcomes.  By  Wm.  Make¬ 
peace  Thackeray.  Part  I . 

464  The  Newcomes.  By  Wm.  Make¬ 

peace  Thackeray.  Part  II - 

465  The  Earl’s  Atonement.  By  Char¬ 

lotte  M.  Braeme,  author  of 
“  Dora  Thorne  ” .  .* . . . 

466  Between  Two  Loves.  By  Char¬ 

lotte  M.  Braeme,  author  of 
“  Dora  Thorne  ” . 

467  A  Struggle  for  a  Ring.  By  Char¬ 

lotte  M.  Braeme,  author  of 

“  Dora  Thorne  ” .  20 

'Ws 


440 

441 

442 

443 

444 

445 

446 

447 

448 


449 


451 


452 

453 

454 

455 

456 


457 

458 


459 


460 


461 

462 


463 

464 


20 

10 


20 


20 


20 

20 


20 

20 

20 

20 


20 


20 


469 


470 


471 


472 

473 

474 

475 

476 


477 

478 

478 

479 

480 

481 

482 

483 

484 

485 

486 

487 

488 

489 

490 

491 

492 

493 

494 

495 

496 

497 

498 

499 

500 

501 


PRICK. 

The  Fortunes,  Good  and  Bad, 
of  a  Sewing-Girl.  By  Char¬ 
lotte  M.  Stanley . 10 

Lady  Darner’s  Secret.  By  Char¬ 
lotte  M.  Braeme,  author  of 

“Dora  Thorne” . . . 20 

Evelyn’s  Folly.  By  Charlotte 
M.  Braeme,  author  of  “  Doi>a 

Thorne  ” .  20 

Thrown  on  the  World.  By  Char¬ 
lotte  M.  Braeme,  author  of 

“Dora  Thorne” .  20 

The  Wise  Women  of  Inverness. 

By  William  Black .  10 

A  Lost  Son.  By  Mary  Linskill.  10 

Serapis.  By  George  Ebers . 20 

The  Prima  Donna’s  Husband. 

By  F.  Du  Boisgobey .  20 

Between  Two  Sins.  By  Char¬ 
lotte  M.  Braeme,  author  of 

“  Dora  Thorne  ” .  10 

Affinities.  A  Romance  of  To¬ 
day.  By  Mrs.  Campbell  Praed.  10 
Diavola;  or,  Nobody’s  Daughter 
By  MissM.  E.  Braddon.  Parti.  20 
Diavola;  or,  Nobody’s  Daughter 
By  MissM.  E.  Braddon.  Part  II.  20 
Louisa.  Katharines.  Macquoid  20 
Married  in  Haste.  Edited  by 

Miss  M.  E.  Braddon . 20 

The  House  that  Jack  Built.  By 

Alison .  10 

A  Vagrant  Wife.  By  F.  Warden  20 
Betwixt  My  Love  and  Me.  By 
the  author  of  “A  Golden  Bar  ”  10 
Although  He  Was  a  Lord,  and 
Other  Tales.  Mrs.  Forrester.  10 
Tinted  Vapours.  By  J.  Maclareu 

Cobban .  10 

Dick’s  Sweetheart.  By  “The 

Duchess” .  20 

Put  to  the  Test.  Edited  by  Miss 

M.  E.  Braddon .  20 

Joshua  Haggard’s  Daughter. 

By  Miss  M.  E.  Braddon .  20 

Rupert  Godwin.  By  Miss  M.  E. 

Braddon . 20 

A  Second  Life.  Mrs.  Alexander  20 
Society  in  London.  By  A  For¬ 
eign  Resident . .  10 

Mignon  ;  or.  Booties’  Baby.  By 

J.  S.  Winter.  Illustrated .  10 

Colonel  Enderby’s  Wife.  By 

Lucas  Malet .  20 

A  Maiden  All  Forlorn,  and  Bar¬ 
bara.  By  “  The  Duchess  ”...  10 
Mount  Royal.  By  Miss  M.  E. 

Braddon .  20 

Only  .a  Woman.  Edited  by  Miss 

M.  E.  Braddon .  20 

The  Lady’s  Mile.  By  Miss  M. 

E.  Braddon .  20 

Only  a  Clod.  By  Miss  M.  E. 

Braddon .  20 

The  Cloven  Foot.  By  Miss  M. 

E.  Braddon . 20 

Adrian  Vidal.  By  W.  E.  Norris.  20 
Mr.  Butler’s  Ward.  By  F. 
Mabel  Robinson . 20 


THE  SEASIDE  LIBRARY— Pocket  Edition. 


NO.  PRICE. 

502  Carriston’s  Gift.  By  Hugh  Con¬ 

way.  author  of  “Called  Back”  10 

503  The  Tinted  Venus.  F.  Anstey.  10 

504  Curly:  An  Actor’s  Story.  By 

John  Coleman.  Illustrated. 

My  Poor  Wife.  By  the  au¬ 
thor  of  “  Addie’s  Husband  ”..  10 

505  The  Society  of  Loudon.  By 


Count  Paul  Vasili .  10 

506  Lady  Lovelace.  By  the  author 

of  “  Judith  Wynne  ” .  20 

507  Chronicles  of  the  Canongate, 

and  Other  Stories.  By  Sir 
Walter  Scott .  10 

508  The  Unholy  Wish.  By  Mrs. 

Henry  Wood.  The  Girl  at  the 
Gate.  By  Wilkie  Collins .  10 

509  NellHaffenden.  Tighe  Hopkins  20 

510  A  Mad  Love.  By  the  author  of 

“  Lover  and  Lord  ” . 10 

511  A  Strange  World.  By  Miss  M. 

E.  Braddon . 20 

512  The  Waters  of  Hercules . 20 

513  Helen  Whitney’s  Wedding,  and 

Other  Tales.  By  Mrs.  Henry 
Wood .  10 

514  The  Mystery  of  Jessy  Page,  and 

Other  Tales.  Bj'  Mrs.  Henry 
Wood .  10 

515  Sir  Jasper's  Tenant.  By  Miss 

M.  E.  Braddon . 20 

516  Put  Asunder;  or,  Lady  Castle- 

maine’s  Divorce.  By  Char¬ 
lotte  M.  Braeme,  author  of 
“Dora  Thorne” .  20 

517  A  Passive  Crime,  and  Other 

Stories.  By  “The  Duchess”  10 

518  The  Hidden  Sin.  A  Novel .  20 

519  James  Gordon’s  Wife.  A  Novel  20 

520  She’s  All  the  World  to  Me.  By 

Hall  Caine .  10 

521  Entangled.  E.  Fairfax  Byrrne  20 

522  Zig-Zag,  the  Clown ;  or.  The 

Steel  Gauntlets.  By  F.  Du 
Boisgobey .  20 

523  The  Consequences  of  a  Duel. 

By  F.  Du  Boisgobey .  20 

524  Strangers  and  Pilgrims.  By  Miss 

M.  E.  Braddon .  20 

525  Paul  Vargas,  and  Other  Stories. 

By  Hugh  Conway,  author  of 
“  Called  Back  ” .  10 

526  Madame  De  Presnel.  By  E. 

Frances  Poynter .  20 

527  The  Days  of  My  Life.  By  Mrs. 

Oliphant . 20 

528  At  His  Gates.  By  Mrs.  Oliphant  20 

529  The  Doctor’s  Wife.  By  Miss  M. 

E.  Braddon . 1 . . . . 20 

530  A  Pair  of  Blue  Eyes.  Thomas 

Hardy .  20 

531  The  Prime  Minister.  Anthony 

Trollope.  First  half .  20 

531  The  Prime  Minister.  Anthony 

Trollope.  Second  half .  20 

532  Arden  Court.  Barbara  Graham  20 

533  Hazel  Kirke.  By  Marie  Walsh  20 


534  Jack.  By  Alphonse  Daudet...  20 


NO.  PRICE. 

535  Henrietta’s  Wish;  or,  Domi¬ 

neering.  Charlotte  M.  Yonge  10 

536  Dissolving  Views.  By  Mrs.  An¬ 

drew  Lang . 10 

537  Piccadilly.  Laurence  Oliphant  10 

538  A  Fair  Country  Maid.  By  E. 

Fairfax  Byrrne . 20 

539  Silvermead.  Jean  Middlemas.  20 

540  At  a  High  Price.  By  E.  Werner  20 

541  “As  it  Fell  Upon  a  Day.”  By 

“  The  Duchess,”  and  Uncle 


Jack.  By  Walter  Besant .  10 

542  Fenton’s  Quest.  By  Miss  M.  E. 

Braddon .  20 

543  A  Family  Affair.  By  Hugh 

Conway,  author  of  “  Called 
Back  ” . 20 

544  Cut  by  the  County;  or,  Grace 

Darnel.  Miss  M.  E.  Braddon.  10 

545  Vida’s  Story .  10 

546  Mrs.  Keith’s  Crime .  10 

547  A  Coquette’s  Conquest.  By  Basil  20 

548  A  Fatal  Marriage,  and  The 

Shadow  in  the  Corner.  By 
Miss  M.  E.  Braddon .  10 

549  Dudley  Carleon ;  or.  The  Broth¬ 

er’s  Secret,  and  George  Caul¬ 
field’s  Journey.  By  Miss  M. 

E.  Braddon .  10 

550  Struck  Down.  Hawley  Smart.  10 

551  Barbara  Heathcote’s  Trial.  By 

Rosa  Nouchette  Carey .  20 

552  Hostages  to  Fortune.  By  Miss 

M.  E.  Braddon .  20 

553  Birds  of  Prey.  By  Miss  M.  E. 

Braddon .  20 

554  Charlotte’s  Inheritance.  (A  Se¬ 

quel  to  “  Birds  of  Prey.”)  By 
Miss  M.  E.  Braddon . 20 

555  Cara  Roma.  By  Miss  Grant. . .  20 

556  A  Prince  of  Darkness.  By  F. 

Warden . 20 

557  To  the  Bitter  End.  By  Miss  M. 

E.  Braddon .  20 

558  Poverty  Corner.  By  G.  Manville 

Fenn .  20 

559  Taken  at  the  Flood.  By  Miss 

M.  E.  Braddon .  20 

560  Asphodel.  Miss  M.  E.  Braddon  20 

561  Just  As  I  Am.  By  Miss  M.  E. 

Braddon . 20 

562  Lewis  Arundel;  or,  The  Rail¬ 

road  of  Life.  By  Frank  E. 
Smedley .  20 

563  The  Two  Sides  of  the  Shield. 

By  Charlotte  M.  Yonge .  20 


564  At  Bay.  By  Mrs.  Alexander...  10 

565  No  Medium.  By  Annie  Thomas  10 

566  The  Royal  Highlanders ;  or,  The 

Black  Watch  in  Egypt.  By 


James  Grant . .  20 

567  Dead  Men’s  Shoes.  By  Miss  M. 

E.  Braddon .  20 

568  The  Perpetual  Curate.  By  Mrs. 

Oliphant . . —  20 

569  Harry  Muir.  By  Mrs.  Oliphant  20 

570  John  Marchmont's  Legacy.  By 

Miss  M.  E.  Braddon . 20 


THE  SEASIDE  LIBRARY,— Pocket  Edition. 


NO.  PRICE. 

571  Paul  Crew’s  Story.  By  Alice 

Comyns  Carr .  10 

572  Healey.  By  Jessie  Fothergill..  20 

573  Love’s  Harvest.  B.  L.  Farjeon  20 

574  The  Nabob :  A  Story  of  Parisian 

Life  and  Manners.  By  Al¬ 


phonse  Daudet . 20 

575  The  Finger  of  Fate.  By  Cap¬ 

tain  Mayne  Reid .  20 

576  Her  Martyrdom.  By  Charlotte 

M.  Braeme,  author  of  “  Dora 
Thorne  ” .  20 

577  In  Peril  and  Privation.  By 

James  Pay n .  10 


578  Mathias  Sandorf.  By  Jules 

Verne.  Part  I.  (Illustrated)..  10 
578  Mathias  Sandorf.  By  Jules 

Verne.  Part  II.  (Illustrated)  10 

578  Mathias  Sandorf.  By  Jules 

Verne.  Part  III.  (Illustrated)  10 

579  The  Flower  of  Doom,  and  Other 

Stories.  By  M.  Betham-Ed- 
wards .  .  10 

580  The  Red  Route.  William  Sime  20 

581  The  Betrothed.  (I  Promessi 

Sposi.)  Alessandro  Manzoni.  20 

582  Lucia,  Hugh  and  Another.  By 


Mrs.  J.  H.  Needell .  20 

583  Victory  Deane.  Cecil  Griffith..  20 

584  Mixed  Motives .  10 

585  A  Drawn  Game.  By  Basil .  20 

586  “For  Percival.”  By  Margaret 

Veley .  20 

587  The  Parson  o’  Dumford.  By  G. 

Manville  Fenn .  20 

588  Cherry.  By  the  author  of  “  A 

Great  Mistake” .  10 

589  The  Luck  of  the  Darrells.  By 

James  Payn .  20 

590  The  Courting  of  Mary  Smith. 

By  F.  W.  Robinson .  20 

591  The  Queen  of  Hearts.  By  Wil¬ 

kie  Collins .  20 

592  A  Strange  Voyage.  By  W. 

Clark  Russell . 20 

593  Berna  Boyle.  By  Mrs.  J.  H. 

Riddell . 20 

594  Doctor  Jacob.  By  Miss  Betham- 

Ed wards .  20 

595  A  North  Country  Maid.  By  Mrs. 

H.  Lovett  Cameron . 20 

596  My  Ducats  and  My  Daughter. 

By  the  author  of  “The  Crime 
of  Christmas  Day  ” . 20 

597  Haco  the  Dreamer.  By  Will¬ 

iam  Sime .  10 

598  Corinna.  By  “  Rita.” .  10 

599  Lancelot  Ward,  M.  P.  By 

George  Temple .  10 

600  Houp-La.  By  John  Strange 

Winter.  (Illustrated) .  10 


601  Slings  and  Arrows,  and  Other 

Stories.  By  Hugh  Conway, 
author  of  “  Called  Back  ” _  10 

602  Camiola :  A  Girl  With  a  Fort¬ 

une.  By  Justin  McCarthy. . .  20 
003  Agnes.  Mrs.  Oliphant.  1st  half  20 
(103  Agnes.  Mrs.  Oliphant.  2d  half  20 


NO.  PRICE. 

604  Innocent:  A  Tale  of  Modern 

Life.  Mrs.  Oliphant.  1st  half  20 

604  Innocent:  A  Tale  of  Modern 

Life.  Mrs.  Oliphant.  2d  half  20 

605  Ombra.  By  Mrs.  Oliphant _  20 

606  Mrs.  Hollyer.  By  Georgiana  M. 

Craik .  20 

607  Self-Doomed.  By  B.  L.  Farjeon  10 

608  For  Lilias.  By  Rosa  Nouchette 

Carey .  20 

609  The  Dark  House :  A  Knot  Un¬ 

raveled.  By  G.  Manville  Fenn  10 

610  The  Story  of  Dorothy  Grape, 

and  Other  Tales.  By  Mrs. 
Henrjr  Wood .  10 

611  Babylon.  By  Cecil  Power .  20 

612  My  Wife’s  Niece.  Bjr  the  au¬ 

thor  of  “  Dr.  Edith  Romney  ”  20 

613  The  Ghost’s  Touch,  and  Percy 

and  the  Prophet.  By  Wilkie 
Collins .  10 

614  No.  99.  By  Arthur  Griffiths...  10 

615  Mary  Anerley.  By  R.  D.  Black- 

more .  20 

616  The  Sacred  Nugget.  By  B.  L. 

Farjeon - .- .  20 

617-  Like  Dian’s  Kiss.  .  By  “  Rita  ”.  20 

618  The  Mistletoe  Bough.  Christ¬ 

mas,  1885.  Edited  by  Miss  M. 

E.  Braddon .  20 

619  Joy;  or,  The  Light  of  Cold- 

Home  Ford.  By  May  Crom- 
melin .  20 

620  Between  the  Heather  and  the 

Northern  Sea.  M.  Linskill. . .  20 

621  The  Warden.  Anthony  Trollope  10 

622  Harry  Heathcote  of  Gangoil. 


By  Anthony  Trollope .  10 

623  My  Lady's  Money.  By  Wilkie 

Collins. . . . 10 

624  Primus  in  Indis.  By  M.  J. 

Colquhoun .  10 

625  Erema;  or,  My  Father’s  Sin. 

By  R.  D.  Blackmore .  20 

627  White  Heather.  By  Wm.  Black  20 

628  Wedded  Hands.  By  the  author 

of  “  My  Lady’s  Folly  ” . 20 

629  Cripps,  the  Carrier.  By  R.  D. 

Blackmore . 28 

630  Cradock  Nowell.  By  R.  D. 

Blackmore.  First  half . 20 

630  Cradock  Nowell.  By  R.  D. 
Blackmore.  Second  half _  20 


632  Clara  Vaughan.  By  R.  D.  Black- 

more .  20 

633  The  Maid  of  Sker.  By  R.  D. 

Blackmore.  1st  half .  20 

633  The  Maid  of  Sker.  By  R.  D. 

Blackmore.  2d  half .  20 

634  The  Unforeseen.  By  Alice 

O’Hanlon .  20 

635  Murder  or  Manslaughter?  By 

Helen  B.  Mathers .  10 

636  Alice  Lorraine.  By  R.  D.  Black- 

more.  1st  half . .  20 


* 


THE  SEASIDE  LIBRARY.— Pocket  Edition 


NO.  PRICE. 

636  Alice  Lorraine.  By  R.  D.  Black- 

more.  2d  half .  20 

637  What’s  His  Offence  ?  A  Novel.  20 

638  In  Quarters  with  the  25th  (The 

Black  Horse)  Dragoons.  By 
J.  S.  Winter .  10 

639  Othmar.  By  “  Ouida  ” .  20 

610  Nuttie’s  Father.  By  Charlotte 

M.  Yonge .  20 

641  The  Rabbi’s  Spell.  By  Stuart 

C.  Cumberla  nd .  10 

642  Britta.  By  George  Temple —  10 

643  The  Sketch-book  of  Geoffrey 

Crayon,  Gent.  By  Washing¬ 
ton  Irving .  20 

644  A  Girtou  Girl.  By  Mrs.  Annie 

Edwards .  20 

645  Mrs.  Smith  of  Longmains.  By 

R  h  o  d  a  Broughton,  and 
Oliver’s  Bride.  By  Mrs.  Oli- 
phant .  10 

646  The  Master  of  the  Mine.  By 

Robert  Buchanan. . .  20 

647  Goblin  Gold.  By  May  Crom- 

melin . 10 

648  The  Angel  of  the  Bells.  By  F. 

Du  Boisgobey .  20 

649  Cradle  and  Spade.  By  William  . 

Sime .  20 

650  Alice ;  or,  The  Mysteries.  (A  Se¬ 

quel  to  “  Ernest  Maltravers.”) 

By  Sir  E.  Bulwer  Lytton .  20 

651  “Self  or  Bearer”  By  Walter 

Besant .  10 

652  The  Lady  With  the  Rubies.  By 

E.  Marlitt .  20 

653  A  Barren  Title.  T.  W.  Speight  10 

654  “Us.”  An  Old-fashioned  Story. 

By  Mrs.  Molesworth .  10 

655  The  Open  Door,  and  The  Por¬ 

trait.  By  Mrs.  Oliphant .  10 

656  The  Golden  Flood.  By  R.  E. 

Francillon  and  Wm.  Senior...  JO 

657  Christmas  Angel.  By  B.  L. 

Far  jeon .  10 

658  The  History  of  a  Week.  By 

Mrs.  L.  B.  Walford .  10 

659  The  Waif  of  the  “  Cynthia.”  By 

Jules  Verne . 20 


NO.  PRICE. 

660  The  Scottish  Chiefs.  By  Miss 

Jane  Porter.  1st  half .  20 

660  The  Scottish  Chiefs.  By  Miss 

Jane  Porter.  2d  half .  20 

661  Rainbow  Gold.  By  David  Chris¬ 

tie  Murray .  20 

662  The  Mystery  of  Allan  Grale. 

By  Isabella  Fy  vie  Mayo .  20 

665  The  Dove  in  the  Eagle’s  Nest. 

By  Charlotte  M.  Yonge _ ...  20 

666  My  Young  Alcides.  By  Char¬ 

lotte  M.  Yonge . 20 

667  The  Golden  Lion  of  Granpere. 

By  Anthony  Trollope .  20 

668  Haif-Way.  An  Anglo-French 

Romance .  20 

671  Don  Gesualdo.  By  “  Ouida.” . .  10 

672  In  Maremma.  By  “Ouida.” 

1st  half .  20 

672  In  Maremma.  By  “  Ouida.” 

2d  half. .  20 

673  Story  of  a  Sin.  By  Helen  B. 

Mathers .  20 

674  First  Person  Singular.  By 

David  Christie  Murray .  20 

675  Mrs.  Dymond.  By  Miss  Thack¬ 

eray  .  20 

677  Griselda.  By  the  author  of  “  A 

Woman’s  Love-Story  ” .  20 

678  Dorothy’s  Venture.  By  Mary 

Cecil  Hay . 20 

679  Where  Two  Ways  Meet.  By 

Sarah  Doudney . 10 

680  Fast  and  Loose.  By  Arthur 

Griffiths .  20 

681  A  Singer’s  Story.  By  May  Laf- 


682  In  the  Middle  Watch.  By  W. 

Clark  Russell .  20 

683  The  Bachelor  Vicar  of  New- 

forth.  B37  Mrs.  J.  Harcourt- 
Roe .  20 

684  Last  Days  at  Apswich.  .  10 

685  England  Under  Gladstone.  1880 

— 1885.  By  Justin  H.McCarthy, 
M.P .  20 

686  Strange  Case  of  Dr.  Jekyll  and 

Mr.  Hyde.  By  Robert  Louis 
Stevenson .  10 


Persons  who  wish  to  purchase  the  foregoing  wor4rs  in  complete  and  un¬ 
abridged  form  are  cautioned  to  order  aud  see  that  they  get  The  Seaside  Li¬ 
brary,  Pocket  Edition,  as  works  published  in' other  libraries  are  frequently 
abridged  and  incomplete.  Every  number  of  The  Seaside  Library  is  un¬ 
changed  and  unabridged. 

Newsdealers  wishing  catalogues  of  The  Seaside  Library,  Pocket  Edition, 
bearing  their  imprint,  will  be  supplied  on  sending  their  names,  addresses,  and 
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larger  type  and  on  better  paper  than  any  other  series  published. 

The  foregoing  works  are  for  sale  by  all  newsdealers,  or  will  be  sent  to  any 
address,  postage  free,  on  receipt  of  price,  by  the  publisher.  Address 

GEORGE  MUNRO,  Munro’s  Publishing  House, 

P.  O.  Box  3751.  17  to  27  Vandewater  Street,  N.  Y, 

[When  ordering  by  mail  please  order  by  numbers.] 


THE  SEASIDE  LIBRARY.— Pocket  Edition. 

LATEST  ISSUES: 


NO.  PRICE. 

701  The  Woman  in  White.  Wilkie 

Collins.  Illustrated.  2d  half  20 

702  Mau  and  Wife.  By  Wilkie  Col¬ 

lins.  First  half .  20 

702  Man  and  Wife.  By  Wilkie  Col¬ 

lins.  Second  half .  20 

703  A  House  Divided  Against  Itself. 

By  Mrs.  Oliphant .  20 

701  Prince  Otto.  By  R.  L.  Steven¬ 
son  . 10 

705  Tlie  Woman  I  Loved,  and  the 

Woman  Who  Loved  Me.  By 
Isa  Blagden .  10 

706  A  Crimson  Stain.  By  Annie 

Bradshaw . .  10 

707  Silas  Marner.  The  Weaver  of 

Raveloe.  By  George  Eliot ...  10 

708  Ormond.  By  Maria.  Edgeworth  20 

709  Zenobia ;  or,  the  Fall  of  Palmyra 

By  William  Ware.  1st  half . .  20 
709  Zenobia;  or,  the  Fall  of  Palmyra 


By  William  Ware.  2d  half. . .  20 

710  The  Greatest  Heiress  in  Eng¬ 

land.  By  Mrs.  Oliphant . 20 

711  A  Cardinal  Sin.  By  Hugh  Con¬ 

way .  20 

712  For  Maimie’s  Sake.  By  Grant 

Allen . .  20 

713  “Cherry  Ripe!”  By  Helen  B. 

Mathers . . .  20 

714  ’Twixt  Love  and  Duty.  By 

Tighe  Hopkins .  20 

715  I  Have  Lived  and  Loved.  By 

Mrs.  Forrester . 20 

716  Victor  and  Vanquished.  By 

Mary  Cecil  TTay . 20 

717  Beau  Taucrede;  or,  the  Mar¬ 

riage  Verdict.  By  Alexander 
Dumas .  20 

718  Unfairly  Won.  By  Mrs.  Power 

O’Donoghue .  20 

720  Paul  Clifford.  By  Sir  E.  Bulwer 

Lytton,  Bart .  20 

721  Dolores.  By  Mrs.  Forrester _  20 

722  What’s  Mine’s  Mine.  By  George 

Macdonald .  ....  20 

723  Mauleverer’s  Millions.  By  T. 

Wemyss  Reid . 20 

724  My  Lord  and  My  Lady.  By 

Mrs.  Forrester . 20 

725  Mv  Ten  Years’  Imprisonment. 

By  Silvio  Pellico. .  10 

726  My  Hero.  By  Mrs.  Forrester...  20 
27  Fair  Women.  By  Mrs.  Forrester  20 

728  Janet’s  Repentance.  By  George 

Eliot .  10 

729  Mignon.  Mrs.  Forrester _ ?..  20 

730  The  Autobiography  of  Benja¬ 

min  Franklin .  10 


no.  price. 

731  The  Bayou  Bride.  By  Mrs.  Mary 

E.  Bryan . 20 

732  From  Olympus  to  Hades.  By 

Mrs.  Forrester .  20 

733  Lady  Branksmere.  By  “The 

Duchess” . .  20 

734  Viva.  By  Mrs.  Foi-rester .  20 

735  Until  the  Day  Breaks.  By 

Emily  Spender .  20 

736  Roy  and  Viola.  Mrs.  Forx-ester  20 

737  Aunt  Rachel.  By  David  Christie 

Mux-ray .  10 

738  In  the  Golden  Days.  By  Edna 

Lyall . 20 

739  The  Caged  Lion.  By  Chai-lotte 

M.  Yonge .  20 

740  Rhona.  By  Mrs.  Forrester _ 20 

741  The  Heiress  of  Hilldrop;  or, 

The  Romance  of  a  Young 
Girl.  By  Charlotte  M.  Bi-aeme, 
author  of  “  Dora  Thorne  ”...  20 

742  Love  and  Life.  By  Charlotte 

M.  Yonge .  20 

743  Jack’s  Courtship.  By  W.  Clark 

Russell.  1st  half .  20 

743  Jack’s  Courtship.  By  W.  Clark 

Russell.  2d  half .  20 

744  Diana  Carew ;  or.  For  a  Wom¬ 

an’s  Sake.  By  Mrs.  Forrester  20 

745  For  Another’s  Sin ;  or,  A  Strug¬ 

gle  for  Love.  By  Charlotte  M. 
Braeine,  author  of  “  Doi*a 
Thorne” . .  20 

746  Cavalry  Life ;  or,  Sketches  and 

Stories  in  Barracks  and  Out. 

By  J.  S.  Winter .  20 

747  Our  Sensation  Novel.  Edited 

by  Justin  H.  McCai-thy,  M.P..  10 

748  Hu'rrish:  A  Study.  By  the 

Hon.  Emily  Lawless .  20 

749  Lord  Vanecourt’s  Daughtei*.  By 

Mabel  Collins .  20 

754  How  to  be  Happy  Though  Mar¬ 

ried.  By  a  Graduate  in  the 
University  -of  Matriinony . 20 

755  Margery  Daw.  A  Novel .  20 

756  The  Strange  Adventures  of  Cap¬ 

tain  Dangerous.  A  Narrative 
in  Plain  English.  Attempted 
by  Geoi-ge  Augustus  Sala _  20 

757  Love’s  Martyr.  By  Laurence 

Alma  Tadema. . . 10 

758  “Good-bye,  Sweetheart!”  By 

Rhoda  Broughton . 20 

759  In  Shallow  Waters.  By  Annie 

Armitt .  20 

765  Not  Wisely,  But  Too  Well.  By 
Rhoda  Broughton . .  20 


The  fox-egoing  works,  contained  in  The  Seaside  Library,  Pocket  Edition, 
are  for  sale  by  all  newsdealers,  or  will  be  sent  to  any  address,  postage  free,  on 
receipt  of  price.  Parties  ordering  by  mail  will  please  order  by  numbers.  Ad¬ 
dress 

GEORGE  MUNRO, 

IWUNRO’S  PUBLISHING  HOUSE, 

17  to  27  Vandewater  Street,  N.  Y. 


P.  O.  Box  3751. 


THF  ftmTWf\rftuiLi7.AT!0N— A  Mcs&a&£.  FROM  TH&SEA $! 


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PLEXION \  IS  UNRIVALED  AS  A  PURE  DE¬ 
LIGHTFUL  TOILET  SOAP,  A  ND  IS  FOR  SALE 
THROUGH  OUT  THE  CIVILIZED  WORLD . 


LLBRE 


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QUICKLY  MARRIED 


S  APOLIO  is  one  of  the  best  known  city  luxuries  and  each  time  a  cake 
is  used  an  hour  is  saved.  On  floors,  tables  and  painted  work  it  acts  like 
a  charm.  For  scouring  pots,  pans  and  metals  it  has  no  equal.  If  your 
storekeeper  does  not  keep  it  you  should  insist  upon  his  doing  so,  as  it 
elwaysgives  satisfaction  and  its  immense  sale  all  over  the  United  States 
makes  it  an  almost  necessary  article  to  any  well  supplied  store.  Every¬ 
thing  shines  after  its  use,  and  even  the  children  delight  in  using  it  in 
their  attempts  to  help  around  the  house* 


every  WATERPROOF  COLLAR  or  CUFF 

THAT  CAN  BE  RELIED  ON 

JJot  to  S-plit? 

iVot  to  Uiscoior  S 


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trange  sight  to  see  a  large  field  planted  with 
rose  bushes,  in  long,  straight  rows,  very  much  as  corn  is  cultivated  in 
this  country. 

Yet  there  are  hundreds  of  fields  in  Southern  France,  like  the  one 
shown  in  the  above  picture,  which  bear  no  less  than  180,000  lbs,  or  90 
tons  of  roses  each  year,  for  Colgate  &  Co. 

As  the  perfume  of  a  flower  is  more  fragrant  in  the  early  morning, 
great  care  is  exercised  to  secure  the  roses  from  only  those  farmers  who 
gather  their  flowers  early  in  the  morning,  before  the  dew  has  dried  from 
the  leaves,  and  the  hot  sun  drawn  off  the  perfume. 

It  is  this  attention  to  the  minutest  detail  in  obtaining  only  the 
choicest  kind  of  perfume,  and  the  best  of  materials,  which  has  secured  f©£- 
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